"please wait 5 seconds 'till you can continue with the call" *additional charges apply

"But C# is just C with 4 +'s put together"

languages...

I swear not to become one of those meme posters. But couldn't resist this one.

Courtesy of https://imgur.com/gallery/oH4oI1I

Today I have fixed a bug that was bugging me since last year.

It was a typo

🤔🤔🤔

Boss: Hey, remember the module due to Friday?
Me: yes...
Boss: the deadline was moved.
Me: (good news?) Ok, when is it due now?
Boss: tomorrow.
Me: ...

This is how you'd imagine a sysadmin.

(Stolen from Reddit)

"IoT is awesome~!"

"What things about it do you love?"

"Hm, hold on a second. Oh dear."

"Something wrong?"

"Just a sec. My Fridge is getting DDoS'd"

😑

Special algorithm 😂

In my current company we're being forced to use Windows for web development... I can't use a VM because of the hardware specs.

This is now my screensaver.

i started using reddit i few days ago

!r/ProgrammerHumor

Don't know if this has already been put up, but I got a good laugh from it

6 char

The laziest thing I've done was during an internship:
We had to open big table files in a special software, click on some buttons and then save it. Each step took 1-5 minutes untilnwe could proceed with a click on the next button. So I wrote a click script, predefined the mouse positions and run it all day. This was able to run for 1 hour straight with no human action needed, so I started using the new sparetime for more interesting stuff: Gaming.

The amount of work people do to avoid work sometimes amazes me.

Substitute Teacher who apparently majors in Java sees my copy.
T - Your programs are incomplete
M - You mean ?
T - Where are the braces ?
M - Its Python
T - It works ?
M - Yes
T - It works on linux ?
M - Yes -_-

“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

Me these days

Arrays start at ZERO, Morty, ZERO. God, I (burp) thought you would have figured that out by now. Lo-lo-look, I know you were taught that arrays start at one, but that's just (burp) fucking stupid Morty and if I ever find whoever started that shit I will literally drill the correct answer into their brain. And I don't mean "literally" as a literally unliteral exaggeration Morty, I mean (buuuurp) I will literally use a brain-altering power drill and get it into their fucking head that (burp) arrays start. at. zero.

Root Cause 🤦🏻‍♂️

I'm no longer quitting with formal letters.

*food comes in at work today*
Fellow engineer: yum yum yum!
Me: apt apt apt!
All engineers: 😑

😅

This had to be posted!

Okay thanks for the bugreport

Oh shit

Two nginx config files for two different sites.

Both exactly the same except for the fastcgi location, document root and virtual host.

THE MOTHERFUCKING GET VALUES DOESN'T REWRITE PROPERLY WITH ONE OF THEM BUT IT WORKS PER-FUCKING-FECTLY WITH THE OTHER ONE.

GO SUCK A COCK NGINX. AND NO I'M NOT SWITCHING TO APACHE.

Ghostery just leaked all of their users email addresses in their GDPR compliance email.