Even with something as simple as pagination, it's possible to create a complete accessibility abomination. Dear designer, you've perfected your flat design style.

Fuck you! I'm not coding this.

It's a website about selling solar panels, underfloor heating etc... Not a single piece of design reminds it.

10 years ago I remember adding a project reference to share code between some C# projects by right clicking and picking add reference. Took about 5 seconds. Here I am, 2021, and doing the same thing in Typescript is apparently a nightmare.
Every time I find something nice about nodejs, I find something else that pisses me off to no end.

What do you call a party of developers?

- a git together

!dev

So, the house next door to me is being renovated into half a dozen apartments. This process has been ongoing for like 4 years of here-and-there houseflipper failboating, and if I had to guess, 3 owners worth of this fuckery.

The latest shitheel trying to polish this turd into something saleable has had it sit partially covered with plastic for months, mostly getting rained on. One crew came by last week and put half the thermal shielding up before something happened and they left. Then half of it fell off the house, into my yard. Nice person that I am I gathered it all up and left it in the various excavated pools of water on their property in which I can only imagine they are busily raising farm to table mosquitoes for the local market.

FF to today and I see a crew pull up to the house and start nailing plywood to the side of the house with no thermal pad underneath it. Which is a legit code violation and a mold hazard, but yolo amirite? I chat up some of the guys and find out that they were scheduled to install the plywood today (apparently he'd run out of money for the nice modular siding they used on the back half) and the owner didn't give a shit if the rest of the work was done. Meanwhile shit is still falling off the house onto my house, but also wgaf. 🚬

Tl;Dr the people trying to flip the house next to mine were obviously IT managers in a previous life.

Vim is a nightmare. That is all.

When valgrind (C Memory allocation error detection tool) aborts due to a memory allocation error...

So a server goes down and being the only person who can recover it, I get started, whilst doing this the boys sits right next to me (6 inches) and starts asking what caused the problem instead of letting me get on and fix it, then complains the outage was too long.

What is the shortest bath algorithm

I kinda started programming back in the day, by breaking 2 school servers using a simple batch "virus"... it effectively opened tons of porn videos, threw the mouse cursor to the top right corner of the screen and shut down the PC after 15 seconds.
I masked the file and made sure it looked like internet explorer (since my school, back in the day, didn't use chrome and didn't allow the installation of chrome)
It was meant to troll my friend but all computers shared files with each other which meant even the private PC's of my teachers got my "virus"
Eventually it landed in the startup folder and messed everything up. I got snitched out, and I had to fix it
(I literally just wrote another batch file to delete my so called virus... because of the 15 seconds time limit I had)

I'm not sure if this entirely qualifies and I might have ranted about it a few years ago but fuck it.

My last internship. Company was awesome and my mentor/technical manager got along very well with me to the point that he often asked me to help out with Linux based stuff (he preferred Linux but was a C# guy and wasn't as familiar with it as me (Linux)).

We had to build an internal site thingy (don't remember what it was) and we delivered (me and some interns) and then the publishing moment came so I went to out project manager (a not-as-technical one) and asked if he could install a LetsEncrypt certificate on the site (he knew how and was one of the only ones who had direct access to the server).

He just stared at us and asked why the fuck we needed that since it was an internal thing anyways.
I kindly told that since it's free and can secure the connection, I preferred that and since its more secure, why the fuck not?
He wasn't convinced so it was off.

Next day I came in early and asked my mentor if he could do the SSL since he usually had access to that stuff. He stared at me with "what?" eyes and I explained what the PM said.

Then he immediately ssh'd in and got the damn cert with "we're going to go secure by default, of course!"

A minute later it was all set.

I can't believe this shit happened in time for this week's rant!

Here it goes.

I have a table on AWS Athena which has partitions. Now, in the earlier versions of this project whenever I write something to a new partition a simple `MSCK` query worked (and keep in mind I am NOT deleting anything)!

Now, my so called Team Lead in the PR for the latest (major) release tells me to change it to an `ALTER TABLE`. I was like fine, but I did not add the s3 location to it, because it was NOT NEEDED. TL asks me to add location as well. I try to convince this person that it's not needed, but I lose. So there it is in production, all wrong.

Today I notice that the table is all fucked up. I bring this up in the stand up. The main boss asks me to look into it, which I do. Figure out what the issue is. This TL looks at it and says you need to change the location. I put my foot down.

"NO. What I need is to remove the bloody location. IT'S NOT NEEDED!"

TL's like, "Okay. Go ahead"

Two things:

1. It's your fault that there's this problem in production.
2. Why the fuck are you looking into this when I was clearly told to do so? It's not like you have nothing to do!

Would be super cool if the [read more] text was different from the rest in the rant text.

[read more]

Every time I rant about JS, I get accused of:
- being a noobie
- not "REALLY" understand JS
- being an incel
- being dumb or low IQ

I'm starting to see a pattern of behavior, similar to the far right or far left political people on Twitter, and highly religious people.
I know, correlation != causation but it makes me think that maybe emotional attachment to ideas is bad for the brain

Easy. Be the PM.

Last week my PM scheduled a meeting for the whole team of 14 devs to talk about our tasks, how we can improve our workflow, so he's up to date on daily stuff nad sprint progress. After an hour and a half of lots of brainstorming i just asked
- what exactly do you want to achieve with all these changes?
- basically i would like on overview of current progress on each task

And he proposed couple of different meetings during the sprint, which would waste dev time. He proposed to apoint one person reaponsible to keeping him informed during each sprint. He proposed we change our meetings, our process, all of it.
So I just sat with my laptop during the same meeting and I prepared a jira board with swimlanes, filters, etc. Where you can sort by priority, size, what is blocked, what is, waiting in queue, what is being currently developed, what is being tested, what's ready for deployment, etc. Easy. 5-10mins of work.

- does this solve your problem?
-....
- you have everything here
-... What if someone doesn't update the ticket status?
- we check everything during our dailies, so, worst case scenario is the status is not update for 24h
-... Umm.. Yeah.. I think thats it. Thank you.

So, we basically wasted 20+ man-hours on another bullshit meeting because the guy thats supposed to be using these tools doesn't know them at all. After working here for 6 months.

It's like everytime you tell your PM that you need to be left alone to code their projects, it goes in one ear and out the other. I usually ignore them when busy coding, but then they start to blow you up on all forms of communication. Where are you? Why aren't you answering me? It's because I am coding away on all of your projects. If we sit here for hours talking, nothing would get done! Like was it necessary to message and call me on several forms of communication??

-- How I feel at work lately, in terms my wife understands --

Me: There's a gas leak, we need to fix it.

Manager: Yeah, use some duct tape, here's a roll.

Me: That's not how we fix a problem like this.

Manager: Will it work to solve the problem?

Me: Only temporarily

Manager: Ask your co-worker if you need help using duct tape, he's used it before. When will it be fixed?

Exactly!

My No.1 interview question for UX developers:

What are the CSS default text and background colours?

The correct answer is: "undefined-on-undefined".

If your 1st thought was "black-on-white", you're the reason we can't have nice things.

Well in America, developer is the current "hot" career if you wanna make bank and rightly so, you can make a great salary. However the "business types" politicize the position since it's trendy right now and do all sorts of undesirable things like looking for "10x" or "rockstar" devs, etc. It's really just an excuse to have you on call 24/7. Some jobs, you go home, but you never really clock out of work. Well, if you even make it home; you could end up always travelling for your work.

But at least it's a romanticized and well paid position, unlike system admin, who may work the same hours but will never have the "cool" job.

We did a small automated review on our code base at work. We discovered that multiple single functions written by my colleagues have a cyclomatic complexity of over 420.

I can't think of words to describe how shit that is.

1. Start working in company that is celebrating something the same day you start new job.
2. Make sure they invite you.
3. Get drunk hard before event.
4. Puke on a CEO during his opening speech.

Mission accomplished you’re now a legend.

Toilets and race conditions!

A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.

Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?

Him: yeah. And with a single thread?

Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.

Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.

Me: exactly!

The world is full of write-only devs. People who never look at the code they create or change.
That's the only explanantion I can find for the fact that everytime I look into some code I have never touched or haven't seen for a while, I instantly spot at least one error that is so elementary, that there is absolutely no chance to miss it.

Oh look, a notification from LinkedIn, ut should be that job application.

*open LinkedIn*

Say congratulations to sOmEunKnOwN for his...

pfft shut up, like I give a damn cookie

How to implement freakin OTPs ...

Loggin in ...
Click on Request OTP -> Not available
Click on Forgot password -> Send the OTP to both phone and Email.
The OTPs on phone and mail must not be the same.
So basically, user can't Login by entering OTP received on one of mail or phone.
Just ... fk the user while logging in already ... Entering the order entry in the database in twenty one minutes will do the rest. 😒

- Flipkart

Pleasure to do dev work with you again after a 2-year break, dear Windows. You are still the capricious little prick you used to be

I'm sick and tired of reading jokes about PHP, JavaScript and Java. They reflect the situation from 10 years ago. Modern state of the languages is much nicer, lots of problems have been addressed. People don't realize how irrelevant their jokes really are. If your language of choice is stagnant and has not changed, you should not extrapolate.

If anyone has been keeping up with my data warehouse from hell stories, we're reaching the climax. Today I reached my breaking point and wrote a strongly worder email about the situation. I detailed 3 separate cases of violated referential integrity (this warehouse has no constraints) and a field pulling from THE WRONG FLIPPING TABLE. Each instance was detailed with the lying ER diagram, highlighted the violating key pairs, the dangers they posed, and how to fix it. Note that this is a financial document; a financial document with nondeterministic behavior because the previous contractors' laziness. I feel like the flipping harbinger of doom with a cardboard sign saying "the end is near" and keep having to self-validate that if I was to change anything about this code, **financial numbers would change**, names would swap, description codes would change, and because they're edge cases in a giant dataset, they'll be hard to find. My email included SQL queries returning values where integrity is violated 15+ times. There's legacy data just shoved in ignoring all constraints. There are misspellings where a new one was made instead of updating, leaving the pk the same.

Now I'd just put sorting and other algos, but the data is processed by a crystal report. It has no debugger. No analysis tools. 11 subreports. The thing takes an hour to run and 77k queries to the oracle backend. It's one of the most disgusting infrastructures I've ever seen. There's no other solution to this but to either move to a general programming language or get the contractor to fix the data warehouse. I feel like I've gotten nowhere trying to debug this for 2 months. Now that I've reached what's probably the root issue, the office beaucracy is resisting the idea of throwing out the fire hazard and keeping the good parts. The upper management wants to just install sprinklers, and I'm losing it.

how about a fucking "funny" option you robotic cunts?
fuck these soft ass weak politically correct clickbait-like options