When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in swift.
Swift release date = June 2, 2014.

Okay, I'll admit I hardly got any work done but doing some programming in a hammock was fun...

Fast XML parser - fastest XML parser in nodjs without any dependency [more details]

Full Stack Web Developer Looking for Collabs [more details]

A Command Line Tool Written in Python [more details]

A crowdsourced curated list of python scripts [more details]

German went to Russia 3 times unprepared

1) World War 1
2) World War 2
3) World Cup 2018

It seems they never learn from their past
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh shit

I've hit 20GB ram usage with chrome today, with a total of 6018 tabs, spanning across 10 virtual desktops, it took 3 minutes to onetab them into one. 😰

Why would you even?

Non-dev buddy: Dude I'm gonna report you to the tech department what are you hacking??
Me:

Custom Object Detection at it's finest

Found this on twitter 😂

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

When beginners ask for Deep Learning tutorials.
Credits: Usaim Arif‎

Was helping somebody with a little C++ issue (disclaimer: I know jackshit about C++).
After a while off reading his code and opening a file called "pi.cpp", I noticed something odd...

This guy literally thought is was a good idea to put 81663 fucking decimals of pi in a #define statement :^)

On the screenshot, that weird "noise" on the right is actually a scrollbar of the code itself...

4am

"I need to brush my teeth before going to sleep 😵"
*goes to bathroom*
*washes hands*
*goes to bed*

1minute of heavy processing later

"FUCK"

Went to hackathon
Earlier Thinking :- C language is father of all

Now :- Python is Godfather LOL ☺☺☺

Today I received the best bug report I could've ever asked for..

Received an email from a member of our customer service centre containing a description of the bug they'd found and not only did it contain the steps to reproduce the bug, but a goddamn video of him reproducing the suspected bug!

The greatest feeling when the client decides to take time to make your life that little bit easier

My "Coding Standards" for my dev team

1.) Every developer thinks or have thought their shit don't stink. If you think you have the best code, submit it to your peers for review. The results may surprise you.

2.) It doesn't matter if you've been working here for a day or ten years. Everyone's input is valuable. I don't care if you're the best damn programmer. If you ever pull rank or seniority on someone who is trying to help, even if it isn't necessarily valid or helpful, please have your resume ready to work elsewhere.

3.) Every language is great and every language sucks in their own ways. We don't have time for a measuring contest. The only time a language debate should arise is for the goal of finding the right one for the project at hand.

4.) Comment your code. We don't have time to investigate what the structure and purpose of your code is when we need to extend upon it.

5.) If you use someone else's work, give them the credit in your comments. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

6.) If you use flash, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be shot again.

7.) If you load jQuery for the sole purpose of writing a simple function, #6 applies.

8.) Unless it is an actual picture, there is little to no reason for not utilizing CSS. That's what it's there for.

9.) We don't support any version of Internet Explorer and Edge other than the latest versions, and only layout/alignment fixes will be bothered with.

10.) If you are struggling with a task, reach out. While you should be able to work independently, it doesn't make sense to waste your time and everyone else's to not seek assistance when needed.

11.) I'm serious about #6 and #7. Don't do it.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Teacher: How do functions break up???

Jerry: They stop calling each other.

macOS treats chess like it's the System32 file in windows

Me, trying to create a LaTeX document: *googles "latex string comparison"*
Customer and boss walk in.
Google: *shows NSFW results*

I.. Let...- Let me explain, it's not what it looks like!

Lol just found the world of Warcraft soundtrack at spotify...

On my way to work, feeling like walking through the gates of Stormwind...

Where my nerds at?! (Huh)?

First rant here. Long, but please bear with me:

So after slogging my ass off in various early stage startups for over 4 years and keeping up with the almost non-existent development process, I joined an organisation which has some of the brightest and smartest minds I have had the pleasure to work with.

Mind you, this company is the market leader in it's field and has a 50+ people in it's tech team and the quality of work is pretty impressive.

Now for this week's sprint, I was asked to develop a feature which already exists on the Android app and they want to introduce in the iOS app too. The backend APIs are all in place and all I need to do is build it with virtually no dependency. My PM asks me to start with the UI and ask the backend dev for the API list whenever I need them.This is where the story turns.

For my first API, I go to the backend dev and ask him to share the API documentation and he looks at me as if I have asked him to dance the fucking cha cha. With a straight face he tells me that, 'The organisation doesn't maintain any kind of documentation for it's APIs.' Now this really shocks me. Even in a 5 men tech teams I have worked on, we have always maintained a spec doc for the APIs and this is a company which is known for it's tech practices.

Being the new guy I compose myself and ask if they have anything for me here: Postman collection, a workflowy doc, a goddamn txt file; anything which might help me, and he laughs at my dilusion and says no.

Dejected, I ask for a way to get the APIs and I am told that there are only two ways: either I keep bothering the Android dev for the APIs(No, I don't have the access to the android repo and nor am I gonna get it) which he had worked on 4 months back or I install the prod app on my phone, and use Charles to get every fucking API which is really, really annoying.

I thought writing out this rant would make me feel better, turns out it just made me angrier. Why the fuck can't they document such an important thing!?

I think I'm never laughing again about other people misery.

After this enjoyable rant
https://devrant.com/rants/1261531/...

I got fucked in the ass:

The meeting got delayed to 2018-03-28

They discarded the prototype

I have to develop this fucking shit practically all alone

I'm so fucking pissed that I scheduled a fucking 3 hours meeting to monday and who dares to fucking go off topic on this meeting is gonna be fucking harassed for real.

Good job apple.

Current mood:

- Referred to manager as "Mein fuhrer" to a colleague in slack.
- Reading an email from a recruiter.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯