Things I've learned throughout my 5 - 6 years as a programmer.
- StackOverflow is full of assholes.
- CMS's are for weaklings.
- The best feeling about waking up in the morning is figuring out how to solve that error in your code.
- You no longer think about normal people things. Your mind is full of code.
- You're practically a computer.
- ALWAYS backup and save your stuff or you WILL regret it. Enable autosave if possible.
- RIP your social life (if your friends don't know squat about programming)
- Darkness is better.
- Being a programmer is amazing.

How about no?

Fuck you.

WHATTT?!! I need 10 WHOLE POINTS JUST TO BUILD AN AVATAR!!! What kind of person would set such a high amount of points just to CREATE AN AVATAR! Do you know how hard that is for an introvert... ugg What kind of post should I rant about? I could rant about that one problem with HTML <divs>.. but then everyone would laugh at how simple that was... I could rant about how long I have had to live without this app. No no that would be way to big of a rant... hmmm. OH I KNOW!

Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.

Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"

Debugging:

Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"

Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?

Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?

Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.

Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?

Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.

Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.

Friend: ... so you can't find it then.

Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.

Friend: oh **** off.

Client: so how could we test this 😬
Me: you know what, send me an email at linuxxx@companyname.com and I can look if I can properly reply! Keep in mind though that this is for one time only, no further questions through that email address!
Client: Yes of course! *sends email*
Me: *tests* - *works fine* - *messages client back through the ticket system*
Client: *proceeds to send two follow up questions to my fucking work email address*

Me: *selects emails* - *marks emails as spam and deletes them*

Fucking seriously?! Cunt.

No! How about you go FUCK yourself instead? If you hash it then the length should NOT MATTER!

"Could I get your wifi password?"
"Just use the neighbour's"
"Don't you have your own?"
"Yes, but it's just a repeater of his"
The neighbor has no idea.
I love how people from the Balkans don't give a fuck about anything.

This is how my day has gone so far:
1. In car, see advert about hackathon
2. Look it up, see tickets go on sale in 30mins
3. Read more about hackathon, apparently tickets go within minutes
4. Get tickets, print
5. Printer out of ink
6. Accidentally deleted ticket, can't reprint
7. No more tickets left so can't get another
8. Spend hours with data recovery tools
9. Remember recycle bin. Reprint ticket
10. Cry
11. Rant on devRant

Her: What do you do?
Me: I'm writing my thesis on bringing AI to smartphones.
Her: I think AI is terrible!
Me: oh, you are an engineer too?
Her: No
Me: oh, you've studied economics and or ethics and are worried about its implications on society?
Her: No, but have you?
Me: I have a degree in economics, an MBA and an now about to get my BSc in CS.
Her: well, regardless I still think it's terrible.
Me: well in that case how about you shove your unfounded opinion where the sun don't shine!

Please login so we can track you. How about no? 🤔

No matter how much we complain about our programming language, our bosses, our co-workers, our teams, or anything else....

We'll never trade our Profession (coding) for any other job in the World.
That's How We Roll.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

friend: so how are we gonna do this project together? download, edit then upload to google drive again. thats the fastest way.

me: how about git?

friend: what?

me: ill just create a repository and create branches before we merge it with master. no need to go through that process of downloading and uploading multiple times

friend: not sure... what... that.. is.....

me: oh we have a looooong way to go, ill guess ill have to teach u git right from the beginning

- 5 years ago -
Job interview question about mainly a Java position : where do you see yourself in 5 years?

*thinks about how fast things are changing, have no idea what the web, programming will be and even where I will end up and feel like this question is a trap*
Me: in not sure.. A dev lead

- now -
After changing 4 time jobs I'm a dev lead in node js

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."

YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!

I was talking in class. Teacher saw me. She asked me to explain the topic she was going to explain. It was Network Security. I started explaining how we can prevent tracking of our online activities by using VPN and all.

Teacher (to class): Do you all know about VPN?
Whole Class: No.
Teacher (to me): They don't know about VPN. Now, how will you explain?
Me: I won't.

*Cyanide out*

Customer calls since they got problem x
C: Hey its xyz we got a problem
Me: hey what's it About?
C: <explains problem pretty poorly>
Me: uuuuuh.. I've written it down and look to fix it as soon as possible
C: why? Just TURN OFF the problem

No. This is not how it works. This is not how any of this works.

EVERY FUCKING DAY ANOTHER RETARD ON MY DOORKNOB WHO HAS TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS GREAT IDEA.

I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT VOICE ENABLED MUSIC PLAYER APPS. SO THAT YOU CAN CHANGE SONGS WHILE TAKING A SHOWER

NO ONE WANTS A GPS TRACKER APP FOR THEIR FUCKING DOG AND HOW DO YOU EVEN REMOTLY THINK THAT YOUR FUCKING DOG HAS BUILD IN GPS ANYWAY

AND NO WE WILL NOT MAKE BILLIONS AND TAKE YOUR 10% SHARE UP YOUR ANUS. YOUR IDEA IS AS WORTHLESS AS YOUR EDUCATION WAS OBVIOUSLY.

No, my family did not support me.
They complained about everything.
From how "Python was demonic" to how "Working with computer wont save you from the coming tribulation"

Growing up in a religious cult sucks.

Let's build a house with no blueprint, no idea how it should look but have daily meetings about the bathroom... #Scrum

QA: When I open the app I get this strange error message that includes "No data connection could be established" near the start of it.

Me: I'll clean up how thats displayed, but the error means your phone doesn't have internet connection.

QA: No that can't be it, I do.

Me: You screenshot shows no WiFi or 3g / 4g symbols.

QA: No those are never there, please investigate.

Me: I have investigated and found that every other one of your screenshots had a WiFi or a 3g symbol. Example: <link>. Please check your connection and try again, i'll clean up the error display.

PM: Oh i've had an issue something like this before. We really need to show users an error screen. We can't just leave them on this screen with no error message at all.

Me: ... we have an error, thats what QA is complaining about, its not loading the text and displaying the error object.

Anyone else want to not pay attention and complain about something else that doesn't make sense? ... no? ... ok good, back to work then

To all you devs still wet behind the ears ranting about css - you have no clue just how good you have it.

Most designs used to be table based (table-ception) and to give something a border with round corners or a "drop shadow" you would literally create a table to hold you content with an border of cells containing a background image of a corner / border.

Now you use border-radius or box-shadow as a 1 liner. Stop bitching about centering things and figure out how to hack it like we did.

If you remember this whats your least missed 20th century hack?

Why would you even?

"Windows can't update because you don't have enough disk space"

HOW ABOUT YOU STOP FUCKING POPPING UP A GIANT UNFUCKOFFABLE OVERLAY IN THE MIDDLE OF MY VIDYA GAMES FOR THE 10000th TIME?

I fucking know I have no disk space, if you complain one more fucking time, I'll make disk space -- by deleting you.

(I'm joking, linux/mac game support is so fucking trash)

About 6 years ago, my boss found out about social media and how he could use it to boost his business. So he created a Facebook page.

A week later he called me to his office and asked me to move the page's profile picture from left to right. I told him this was not possible and was something Facebook doesn't allow us to do.

Next thing I know he started telling me to check and try before I say no, and should never say no as anything was possible.

Obviously, I quit.

This happened a few years ago:

Cousin: So one of my friends is going to teach me how to hack.
Me: Oh so you know something about programming?
Cousin: No, I'm going to learn how to hack first, because that's way more awesome.

nephew: what's the meaning of word "Enterprise", particularly in computing context?

me: No worries about that. Once You endup in enterprise You will know

nephew: How do I know?

me: when bug in your software prevent at least 250 people from doing their job, congratz, You are in Enterprise! And You will know that instantaneously, trust me :)

I’m so tired of egocentric lying management executive types.

Executive: You should be thinking about how you speak to the “leadership”.

Me: How about stop lying, blaming me for your own mistakes, and then blackmailing?

Guy has never heard ‘no’ in his life.

Seriously, иди на хуй.

You are a consultant and wrote some easy scripts by copying code snippets together?

Good for you!

It makes your job easier?

Good for you!

You didn't care too much about UI because you only needed the job to be done?

That's fine!

BUT DON'T YOU DARE SELL THIS SHIT TO A CUSTOMER AND CALL YOURSELF A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER!

YOU ARE NO DEVELOPER!
YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW TO BUILD A RELIABLE SOFTWARE.

no one needs a solid database structure?
Object oriented programming is "just another hype"?
No one cares for the coding?

FUCK YOU, AND YOUR ATTITUDE!

Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.

No dedicated tester means less expenses.

No personal parkspot?
No expenses!

And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!

Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.

Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.

You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.

Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.

It would be nice if you could build apps as well.

You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.

You finished the site?
Great!

But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.

All hail their crazy company!

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE the stability of slack (and electron apps in general)?

Got notified of a new message in slack, clicked the channel and this is what I see, even after a restart. No content or UI controls of any kind are being rendered. No workspaces, no loading spinners, no errors, no warnings ... just nothing.

I don't give a fuck about your integrations, apps, giphy, video calls, search, threading ... I just want to read text.

Piece of fucking shit

"Are you going to finish this part or am I going to need to hire someone else?"

~ Asked by a client less than a week into cleaning up and upgrading his Drupal 6 site to Drupal 7 which hadn't been touched in 8 years... Right after pleading with me about how he had no budget and couldn't afford any hours of development.

It was the year 2000, when IE was considered awesome. The internet then was slow and expensive and I had a quota about half an hour a day for dial up.

I discovered that I could view the source code of any page and while it looked rather cryptic I slowly started to understand how it worked. After months of tinkering in Notepad, I was able to write some html and JavaScript. No books, no online tutorials, just pure act of curiosity and a sense of adventure.

How to write JavaScript properly had to wait for another decade after an engineering degree, a dozen other languages, and new browser. But those tinkering days were what got me into coding.

ENE = Entitled New Engineer
M = Manager

EOE: "I've been here 6 months and I know how everything works. Can we talk about a promotion?"
M: "No, now begins the period wherein, through your labor, you repay us for overpaying you while you got up to this point."

CLIENT "So my nephew who does stuff with computers built it and we are ok with how it all works so don't worry about changing that. "

DEV "so like you have a public form with no input filtering, spam mitigation let alone sanitization or remote concern for security. Basically you have a Json flat file that is 34mbs of links to, viagra, replica watches, nock off name brands and one real estate company. It is getting about 15 submissions an hour. Since you don't want me changing how it works are you happy to just leave all that ?"

CLIENT "no no we don't want all that but we have no route to delete it, can you just stop all the spam and let us continue on?"

DEV "ok so back to my first question can we rebuild all of this properly, or do you really want to just leave it all"

:/ FML

No matter how much I learn about coding, I always feel so behind. Is this just me?

All those developers complaining about how at their new job there is no source control process, no ci, no CD, no code reviews, no coding standards, no effective project management, next time maybe try asking some questions during the interview stage 🤔

Remember you are interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing you.

Yesterday I spent some time on the meta site for dba.stackexchange.com and found this one guy with 1 rep raging about how his questions aren't getting answered and how is answers are the best etc...

"I have 17 years of experience as a dba, blah, blah, blah, my answers are correct, blah, blah"

He got pretty destroyed by the mods and other users about how shit his answers were and how they weren't factually correct etc...

This just continues to show that no matter how much experience you have you won't always be right.

Same goes for my senior at work, he has 10 years more experience than me (I have 2) and he still asks for my point of view and help without being a dick about it.

I hope we'll all keep being nice people unlike that Stackexchange guy...

Me, complaining about being single: It would just be nice to have someone who cares how my day went every day

Scrum master: Hey...

Me: No

I regularly want to send pictures from my work phone to my private one and I've got WhatsApp installed on my work phone but no way in hell it's getting on my private phone.

Was thinking about how to exchange those images easily...

I now have Signal on my work phone as well and I can chat with my private phone 😊

My biggest hurdle:
Having to install Windows because some old application only runs on Windows.
No, i do not want to sign in.
I AM SURE

Installer: How about signing in?

Edit: Now it asks me about privacy options. As if i even had a choice..

Ive never really used vim, and therefore not completely understood all the jokes about it..
Yesterday, i somehow ended up editing my crontab with vim.
I have no idea how i managed to quit it, but something worked.

NOTE: No hardware was damaged in the process

So a friend approached me about joining an internship. Said you'll learn php, js , jquery and bootstrap. I'm like okay I'm already learning this stuff, cool but is there a stipend or something? She says no but I'll have to pay 5000₹ (72$).

I said "ni🅱🅱a if you're paying, that's not sex that's prostitution" and noped the fuck outta there.

Its just sad how many students with no skills are actually paying to get an internship nowadays.

Took a headoverheels digger on my bike today, groceries went flying, chinos even ripped on the asphalt, first thing this lady bystander says is RAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS A PEDESTRIAN ONLY STREET!!!!!

I'm like no it's not, look at the sign

nO iTs BeEn WrITtEn FoR 2o YeArS, pEdEsTriAnS onLy!!!!!

sure enough at the end of the road, says pedestrians AND bikes allowed... 🤡🤡🤡🤡

stupid bitch, if you're gonna be a bitch at least be right about it

honestly i'm not sure how people navigate through the world, just floating around, no REAL knowledge or consideration of anything, just ideas, hype, and idiotic "feelings"

Fuck you dickhead. If you don't like how I'm doing things, just fucking do them yourself. Or how about you give me some specifications, designs, a consistent database model? No? Fine, then don't fucking complain when I make do with what I have.

At a point in your life, you'll settle down abit, and you start to think about what you've done in the past (idk) years of your life.

Then you think about your career, how everything is ever since you discovered you were good at a certain thing since highschool.

be it programing, writing random codes, pentesting (or if you had that "hacker" phase in your life) or fixing laptops and etc.

"Good"

You think about the word, and you had a thought: You only know how to do it, how it works, how its done, and how to do it.

You only "Know", it takes practice, patience, dedication and years (or months depends on you) of experience before you can really say for sure you're "Good" at it.

Me? Im no where near good. but that doesn't stop me from going there.

And i hope the same goes for you. You can do it,

Have a great day.

My company is providing cloud infrastructure to our customers. For research purposes we are running a little openstack cloud in our laboratory datacenter were we can test stuff before implementing it in the productive environment.

Last week the manager asked me to shut down the cluster over night and only power on the servers when we need it. (about twice a week)

The reason: it produces too much heat.

My answer was: No.
First off thats not how cloud infrastructure works, and how about a proper climate control?

Sometimes i ask myself in which parallel universum our managers live 😑

People here seriously write billing systems in Excel and expect me to fix it when something goes wrong...

how about no...

How about no?!

So there I was productivity coding away in my office since early in the morning it was about noon when my coworkers kept saying. " Hey have you seen how nice it is outside." "Wow it's really nice out there" and " hey you should really go outside and get some fresh air".

So I'm all ok, cool it's lunchtime I'll check it out. So I go outside and I'm out there for 30 seconds when a bee lands on my face and stings me just under my eye.

Ouch! WTF! No No No it is not nice outside at all. Infact it is painful outside.

so now the rest of my day is ruined all I can feel is my face throbbing and I can't think about anything anymore but my face in pain. Amazing how one little insect can ruin days of coding.

Don't listen to the muggles stay inside.

I have been developing something for 3 weeks now which has been sold to a customer for a lot of money last year, next to no specification on what it should do, got the spec 3 weeks ago, is being installed in a couple of weeks and I have no idea how to get it working!
I have tried about 5 different concepts now and they all start to look good until 1 of the many factors change then kaboom.

I am amazed how specific everyone is being about security vulnerabilities at their employers. Hopefully no one social engineers what company you work at.

I spent my last 2 months refactoring a crazy panel.
No one understood how that panel was working...I was feeling like the technological version of the chimney sweep.
I could almost breathe frustration.

So... what's your worst experience about refactoring old crazy codes?

If you are a father and you find out your kind produced a pile of shit, you change the diaper and get rid of it all. No questions asked.

If you are a developer and your colleague produces pile of shit and you try to get rid of it, you end up in meetings how this piece if shit is actually master piece of shit and have to argue about it to manager that knows shit about a shit.

i met an old friend in a mall and he start talk about linux

friend: hey i just installed arch linux in my laptop!
me: wow cool! you are so expert.
friend: btw i have a problem with it, how to change directory in their black screen?
me: cd?
friend: no! i didn't use cd. i use flashdisk to install it.
me: ah.. okay.

Wrote some code that solved a program in a semi unique way for the codebase. As in not oft used functionality of language.

Some time later... This might be hard to understand. Maybe I should do a different way.

Some time later... No, I will leave a comment to describe what is going on.

Some time later... That comment is kind of cryptic. Maybe should rethink.

Some time later... No, if the next dev doesn't know how this works then they should learn how it works. (reasoning here is that the functionality requires a knowledge of internals of language)

Some time later... Also, if nobody else gets this then they have to ask me how it works. Job security?

Some time later... STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS CODE AND MOVE ON!

What do we have to give you to make you able to accurately predict the scope and length of time it will take you to develop something you know nothing about and have no experience with? How hard could it possibly be? You click a button and BOOM! A unicorn! Please provide estimate in hrs EOD.

Designer ranting about designer.
Most graphic designer in switzerland have no clue on how to build a proper InDesign document. The design looks astonishing but when they want their design printed, they get roasted everytime.
No I can't print this ultra vibrant rgb color. This image has only 72ppi I need 300ppi in order to print this! WTF? What is this color setting? Japanese ICC color profiles? Are you retarded? No this layer composition is horrendous and unusable. WTF? a 60 page business report and no paragraph format presets? How I'm supposed to typeset this shit next year? No I can't print this fucktard, how long have been a graphic designer? 15 years? And you've still produce this crap? .... Every single time.

Thank goodness I don't work in print anymore.

Recently, my CS teacher proudly bragged about how, to this day, no pupil has ever had WiFi Access to the school network (only teachers have access).

What a naive teacher he is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Clients that add you on Facebook and start asking at 3 AM how their project is going.

No this is my personal life, how about you get lost and call or email me during working hours.

Past two days one of the senior devs has been complaining to anyone who will listen about a UI assembly containing 'hard-coded' references to a third party component causing several builds to break. The developer who added the telerik component probably had no idea the reference is pointing to his personal directory instead of a relative path. Easy fix? Uh...yea...but he just ranted to our boss for about 10 minutes about he has no idea how to fix the problem and the TFS build failure holding up his other projects.
WTF!? You fracking know what the relative path is!...just fracking change it and move the frack on.

The drama this drama-queen keeps spewing out is driving me out of my mind.

The more I learn about programming the more terrified I become about having huge knowledge gaps and learning something wrong by possibly making wrong assumptions about how certain things work or by falling on bad tutorials. I'm constantly hyped about coding, and at the same time I always feel I will never be able to say confidently "I know how to code".
How the hell do you make sure you are learning programming correctly as a self taught? Or do i just have to accept that no matter how and what I code there will always be a better way to do it, resulting in me constantly feeling as a low-skilled coder?

I'm currently working in call center. Making them a management system for agents. I'm the only developer there. No one asks about the progress even the owner doesn't know a thing about softwares. This gives me a freedom to do work when I want and how fast I want. But because of this I don't care anymore about the little things. and I have adopted some bad programming habits during my stay. Should I quit or what?

When the project manager (who knows nothing about code) tells me how to structure HTML markup. No, please, tell me how to do my job.

Me searching on the internet how to fix my error. After a long time of searching with no results...I searched for:
"unity draw a fucking line in UI"
Google: How about this website? (second search result was devrant com)
And that's the story of how I got here.

I knew someone that typed with only 2 fingers ( index fingers )

There were no comments in the code because, it would take ages to write a sentence.

I don't know how someone that was born with a laptop in her lap doesn't know how to use all the fingers to type.

But, for her this was just a job. No personal projects, no will to learn new things. Just do the work they give her, as slowly as possible.

I remember I forced myself to learn how to type using all fingers when I was little. Now I even rebind the movement keys on games because is more comfortable to use "the right keys" ( I hate wasd, esdf ftw!)

How about you, do you know anyone that-s bad at typing?

At my holiday job, I had to call the IT department about a printing issue. They solved it very quickly. Fucking magicians man, how they did it? No fucking clue!

Someone please explain to me how you can become vice president of an internet company and have no fucking clue about simple database logic. Not only that, but then ask developers for query logic that is literally impossible and waste weeks fucking around trying to get it to work the way your deranged mind has shit out these absurd concepts.

Just right now:
Management: How's the feature going?

Me: The backend is done. Here's how the front end looks so far...

Management: What?! No! Where will they input the units? What about the input#2? and the graphs?! You were just not going to put that?

Me: ... this is how it's lookin so far. The deadline isn't until next week. I'm actually pretty ahead of schedule.

Management: But what about button #2 and #3? And input #4?

Me: Yes, it's all planned. It's not done yet. You asked me how I'm doing so far. Of course I haven't finished.

Why is it that CS students with no industry experience lament about HTML all the time?

I don't get the weird obsession with talking about how it's "not a programming language"
No one who knows what they're talking about is claiming it is.

Hyper Text *Markup* Language.

Markup is in the name.

The posts about love coding interviews and low paid freelancing work just reminds me how little anyone know about process of using code to solve real problems.

If someone wanted to give me a JavaScript test then I'd point them at Fivver where there are tonnes of JS devs available for minimum wage.

No one is paying me for my ability to write code. They are paying me to solves problems that businesses have that are likely to involve software.

Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)

Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.

People who complain about wordpress have probably never tried working with Magento.

I've been going through their documentation for about 3 hours now, trying to figure out how this entire system works. And I'm no where close to understanding it...

It wasn't exactly a meeting, just boss' boss coming into our office to ask about a feature. Went something like this (BB - boss' boss (or Big Bitch, whichever you prefer, Me, SP - second programmer) :

BB: Hey guys, I've got a question.

Me (without turning around since I was focused on whatever I was doing at the time) : Sure, go ahead.

BB: Could we do a country map where you would be able to click a region and get to a page with posts for that region?

Me (without pausing what I was doing) : Sure, easy. Html imagemap, or embedded flash if it's supposed to be fancy and animated.

BB: ...how would we do it?

Me (in exactly the same tone of voice, trying to mimic the same sound sample being played again) : Html imagemap, or embedded flash if it's supposed to be fancy and animated... Links leading to the same address as the filtering form for regions already goes. All that's needed is the map graphic.

BB: ...but how would we link to the correct results? Would we need to make new page for those?

Me: *sigh*

At this point SP stops doing whatever he was doing, proceeds to sit next to her by the whiteboard, and they proceed to talk about this for about 45 minutes, which to this day, I have no idea how they managed. I had no idea how they managed to stretch it for this long even as I was listening to them talking and drawing stuff on the whiteboard about it.

Afterwards, I've been reprimanded for not paying proper attention when important stuff was being solved, and a month later when I was being fired, I had been reprimanded for it once again.

Fuck that company. Fuck those people.
I have no idea how they managed to still not go bankrupt.

Senior group project in college.

When you decide to meet up and one member doesn't show up at first meeting.

So I sent an email about the research I did on the feasibility of the project and how to implement a core requirement. 2 days later & no response yet..

Why do I think I'm gonna be the one the pull off the application by myself & then have to put name of people who have no idea how I got it to work..

Creating a cluster with shared storage in Proxmox

Once you've learned how to configure a single Proxmox host and Linux and Windows guests, the next step is to expand...

Want to continue reading this article? Register here with your corporate email address. Because your private email address isn't good enough, we need your corporate one.

No TechTarget, how about you go fuck yourself? As if anyone is going to register just to read one fucking article on your goddamn shitty site. Fucking wanketeering dickheads.

Our company wants us to fill out monthly surveys to tell managers how happy we our at work and to give them feedback. The survey will not be anonymous as they asked us to self identify.

Also the company is small (just over 100 people) and over 1/3rd of staff have been fired over the past year.

Yeahhhhh, how about no

Got stucked in a problem with recursion in php, almost 2 days no sign of progress until i told my co worker how my code works, then i found the error and it work. I think developers need to talk about the code to realize whats wrong with the code.

How do I promote my open source projects?

I mean, @ai (Andrey Sitnik) have published nanoid and received about 600 github stars in just one first day. I have recently published Tears, webserver for SPA, and received only 7 stars, all of them from my friends.

I've tried posting on hackernews (3 upvotes), github tags, several gitter chats, with absolutely no impact.

So how do I promote my projects?

My coworker is... something else. He's "coded in Java for six years", bear in mind and this is a bit of .py code he's written. First a doNothing() function (probably didn't hear about pass) and then there's about 400 lines of creating values. No iteration whatsoever. I have no idea how he's got the job. Not to mention that whenever he talks about anything technical it's like listening to Gertrude from Accounting talking about 'mouse not working'.

At my previous job, no matter how many times I explained it, "a jquery" was an image slider for by boss. No need to say new devs didn't know what the hell he was talking about when he said the clients wanted "a jquery".

Put me under pressure and I’ll produce the best code I’ve ever written.

Put me under a microscope and I won’t produce jack shit 😂😬

"We totally know everything about SEO, you should trust us and pay us so your website is #01 because we know how Google ranks their shit" (not literally)

No fuck you. No one knows how google ranks pages. No one. And your pseudo information is even free to find on the first google result about seo that is above yours. Oh look, they must be better than you with that.

I hate my freelancer life.
1. No weekends
2. No particular time to close
3. Work for 12 to 14 hours without sleep sometimes
4. Keep explaining the dumb clients about how development is not wordpress.

Its all fucked up. I have no life.

My average Lines of code this month is around 700 LOC/day. Whereas the average that showed on internet is 100 LOC/day.

I have choosen a hellish life.

Coworker: I did not progress much but at least I managed to get rid of all compiler warnings.
Me: That's okay. What were they about?
Coworker: No idea.
Me: How did you get rid of them then??
Coworker: I removed the "Wall" option when I use gcc.

Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no

How hard can it be?

People talk about how the use of Linux as a desktop requires an inordinate amount of time, as if that's a unique problem in Linux. There is no such thing as an operating system that I don't spend weeks and months tweaking to make my own.

The difference is that Linux doesn't resist me like other OSes.

We had a company feedback meeting the other week; an airing of grievances so to speak. One of the complaints was about how when someone calls 911, no one knows exactly where it goes.

The way he phrased it, we all though it was a metaphor. But as they talked about it, someone said, "Wait, are you .. you're taking about real 911 calls? Like this isn't a metaphor?"

All VoIP gets routed via the central office; so when someone from the California office dials 911 on a phone, they get a 911 dispatch in Illinois. 😶

I don't understand how is possible that programmers today are developing applications that are storing plain password in the database.

I know it's kinda boring topic since everybody here is talking about it this week, but it's really confusing to me.

Every now and then some DB gets hacked, millions of passwords are leaked and then you have developers, who should be smart and logical people, who decide to do that.

Ok, maybe the project deadline was close or something similar, but I think there is no excuse for something like that. No matter how close or behind deadline project is, you should always be able to explain to your boss/client what could happen.

!rant
I saw a devrant user posting something about "the cockroach" that survives in the company no matter what so I knew I had to rant about something similar. I worked with a guy and his ability to talk shit is in direct proportion to his salary. The guy watches youtube all day, searches for things to buy, goes to vacations and no one knows what he does. :)) plot twist: he just forwards ( not sends ) emails from the business to a software provider. Did I mention that he has the highest salary( don't ask how I found out ).
Anyhow, the guy is winning at life, no one gives two shits about him, he is always hiding and running from work. While writing this I'm actually amazed by his skill, how do you end up like this? He reminds me of Wally from Dilbert!

I am the only developer for a nationwide company. Everyone else in this company has no idea about IT, from the owner down.

I have about a year of actual IT experience, so God knows how I got this role.

Fellow developers, especially .NET developers, how do you estimate the time required to complete tasks set by none technical people?

Little story, about how i get things fucked up.
I've been working for two nights on some project, and we have notifications in slack about new commits, and i've been working for myself, not pulling any commits for this time, cause no notifications 've been received, and then when i've tried to commit&push i've realized that there is 14 commits before me, and someone just accidentally turned off notifications :C

I do not usually shit on operating systems or participate on hate discussions about tech and what not.

But boy, Windows 11 does fucking suck and it is giving me Vista vibes regarding how much I fucking hate it. And no, unfortunately I cannot change this PC to Linux (as I have before with other work computers) since I need Windows for it.

That feeling when they don't understand something, yet you know that no matter how much you explain about it they still wouldn't understand...

My heart can only take so much torture...

Today I realized that a project that Ive worked on for years is now redundant and will probably be scrapped after my own new and more effective process hits production.
Im happy about that, no matter how good and hours spent. I made something better to replace it. This must be what finding a New gf after divorce feels like.

Rust devs on social media are the vegans of the programming world.

Yeah, we get it, you like your hot new programming language. I'm not bashing the language, I've never used it so I'd have no right to say anything about it.

But holy hell, you guys don't have to show up in every discussion about programming languages that aren't Rust to evangelicize how great Rust is. Like damn, there could be a thread on Twitter about Python and you'd be like "yeah Python's great but have you ever heard of our lord and savior, Jesus cRUST?"

Just shut up lol.

I read a lot about people that think that millennial are the most entitled and demanding group of people. The more i work in technical support, or any Client based job, i know how it's an half truth.

Truth is Older people usually are WAY worse. Can't fucking make a decision by themselves, i always have to CHOOSE their fucking language. How can you so stupid, you can't figure out which language you want you computer in... You don't know which language you talk dumb fuck? (Not talking about keyboard layout here, you can imagine it's even worse! But at least i know why somebody that has no technical knowledge can be confused)

I have to take them hand by hand because they can't figure out how to read... Younger people usually just say: Okay i'll try that! Thanks! And just hang up, no fucking dicking around on things i don't know what they are doing or why they are asking. They are rarely the fuckers that want to talk to a supervisor to get free repairs and returns. Entitlement at it's best...

Stupidity and entitlement have no age. Period.

I'm in a company with no senior devs I can look to for mentoring. How do you go about scaling with the company without a developer more senior to guide you during development?

I feel like I'm always second guessing decisions.

There is just one thing that's been haunting me.

One.

Thing.

That I have yet to succeed at doing.

One thing.

That I have yet to understand it's mazehole.

ONE THING.

That I failed me as a developer.

How in the FUCK do I create my own mail server with my own domain name? HOW? JUST FUCKING HOWWWWW

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SECRET!

WHAT AM I MISSING!!!!!

(no don't tell me about any of those office 365/GoDaddy/Windows bullshit, just guide me with something normal)

We've got this legacy PHP system that doesn't really run anywhere else than on it's server. It's not configured with git, and there's no pipeline. Just plain old SSH. How would you go about managing it?

Me: Hmmm, tax time is coming up, might be a good time to finally get my new rig
ATO: You you have $4000 withheld tax money, how great!
Me: Fuck oath! spend $2500 on the PC and chuck the rest towards my house deposit
ATO: Yo that sounds great, well how about we keep 3000 and give you 1000? Sound cool? cool.
Me: ... Well... Guess no new rig then

Running them, and having to ask dumb HR related questions that no-one gives a crap about.

I don't want someone that's sold their soul to XCorp and can rave about how it's the best place in the world to everyone they meet. I want a down to earth, decent dev.

How do you deal with working on something that you have absolutely no interest in?

I’m working on financial software, at the moment stuff hay handles invoices etc, and even talking about for more than 2 minutes has be yawning and struggling to keep my eyes open.

How to write bug free code:

while True:
try:
_loop() # all logic here
except:
print_excv()

This will not cause any difficulties ever. Remember to pipe output to /dev/null, make this script a critical but undocumented part of your infrastructure and tell no one about it.

I'm so done with all the covid talk.
Its all that's ever talked about and you don't get a break.

As if it wasn't bad enough to have that one friend who constantly has to remind everyone how politically educated he is, and how much he hates the neo[whatever the fuck], now he has to remind everyone about his opinions on the vaccine.

No one fucking asked, shut the fuck up.
Your opinions do not matter.

All this talk about "mansplaining" is actually quite useful when you get boring, non-developer related please-work-for-free questions,
- Can you tell me how to get this printer working?
- Sorry, but no. That would be mansplaining.

One good thing about taking a dump at work is that no matter how senior or junior you are, the sounds are pretty much the same.

Current mood:
That irksome moment when you want to rant and vent about a particular workplace incident but wonder if your coworkers are on devrant too.
And they certainly might figure out no matter how cryptic you are.
*puts mask back on*

What I need is an automatic banner that pops up at the top of the screen, saying:
YOU'RE ON THE WRONG BRANCH YOU RETARD
In big red letters.
No idea how to go about automating that, and I suspect it would probably be on the screen more or less permanently, but I reckon it's a useful tool.

"How about the specs on the new macbook pro they just announced!" - said no one since 2013

A girl I know is a Economics major with a minor in CS. Today she told me and a friend how hard their Java course is. I asked her about the topics that get covered in that course and when I asked her about JavaFX.
"No we will not cover JavaFX, only Java an GUI programmig in it. "

Today I learned that JavaFX is not a part of Java :D

How to make those marketing staff of x service stop sending you an email when they don't have unsubscribe link:

1. Reply back asking about the free tier/plan
2. Profit!

2 days and no word from them after spamming me daily about the service

I'm just trying to get my boss on the phone and his secretary tells me he is in a seminar but I walk by his office and he is eating a MF DONUT

I genuinely want to murder the degenerate retard working at chrome how decided that extensions are allowed to open popups whenever they update.

NO ADBLOCKPLUS I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR NEW UPDATE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BLOCK YOURSELF YOU WORTHLESS CUNT

honestly some online courses are bullshit. i joined one for some sample code, and no comments, no explanations, the variable names WEREN'T even descriptive.

this is from a website with a published book… how about you take some fucking responsibility for your code?

the language was c++ and they are still using printf! shake my fucking head. you have global variables that are one fucking letter! please, stop, get help.

…AND IT WASN'T EVEN ON GITHUB

"My Website is beautiful"
"Mine Is better"
"No yours is shit"
FUCK OFF!
I DONT GIVE A DAMN
About HOW FUCKING overloaded your COCKSITE Is! I DONT GIVE A SHIT!
Why? Because of TWO MOTHERFUCKING REASONS!
First: I dont GIVE A SINGLE FUCK
Second:
MOTHERFUCKINGWEBSITE.COM IS THE REAL SHIT

"Can we do X?"
Yes, we can do almost anything you want.
"Can we have it ready by last month?"
No.
"What about 2 weeks ago?"
Not feasible.
"Yesterday?"
Sorry I don't think we can.

For real though, how do you deal with unrealistic delivery expectations? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep saying no to everything, or if they keep asking in hopes that maybe this time it'll be ok.

How do I get my mom to just fucking leave me alone, learn to just accept no and stop nagging about every tiny little unimportant detail and interrupting me when I'm in the middle of something?

She says is caring... I think it's more like an annoying coworker

I've been asking myself this question for a while lately.

Can I combine the music coming out of my phone with the sound from games on my PC?

"Why?", you ask.

Because I want it!

So I started reading man pages and documentation about ALSA and PA. A couple of hours later it just works. I don't know how or why, but I did it, all by myself, because no one does such weird stuff.

I'm way too excited about this.

I usually crib about how stupid people are and how I struggle to stay afloat.

Let's switch some gears now. A post about some good people, product, and processes.

You know what the common theme here is?

The goodness here cannot be measured. Your first interaction with them makes you feel so comfortable that you start feeling butterflies.

These people just keep on giving. They are selfless. They are pure. They actually care.

And when you think it's done, then they give you some more.

What blows me away is, they don't expect or accept anything in return. Absolutely nothing. Not even a simple thank you.

And they are like a wizard. They walk into your life when you least expect them but need them the most. And when the task is done, they'll be gone before you even know.

No lingering, no drama, no bullshit. Just pure goodness.

Like my ex-lead in current company, I have a very senior guy in neighbouring team (for which they were gonna hire me initially), who also happened to interview me, is a gem.

He takes care of me like his own younger brother. Supports me and always answers my queries no matter how occupied he is.

And same is with good products and processes. They feel effortless. So smooth and add exceptional value to your existence. They give rise to wonderful companies.

You'd never experience a single negative aspect about them. No matter how much you try, things will just keep getting better until they don't need to.

And then they'll be long gone. Never to be seen again and never to be forgotten.

You cherish them only in your memory and wish they lasted longer. But they didn't because the purpose was served.

Such people and experiences inspire me. They push me to become a better human.

No matter how the world is or how it treats me, I must always live with high values and be a better version of past self.

The other evening, I was conversing with my mother where we spoke about some family friends who are insanely wealthy but humble and kind.

Mom and I mutually agreed that they don't have such good traits because they are wealthy, but they are wealthy because they live with humility, kindness, and pure intentions.

World is surely a beautiful place because of such people and I aspire to be one. May lord guide me well :)

Thought I'd share another one with you. Last year I saw a turorial posted on LinkedIn about how to create a captcha in ASP.NET. The turorial itself wasn't that bad but it made me laugh so hard because the writer thought of a neat way to input the desired captcha code to the handler that generated the image. Guess how? In the query string. That totally defeats its purpose. How on earth did he come up with that. So much for securing your form submission through captcha. Of course when I commented about it he didn't reply. I hope no one actually used that tutorial.

I have a strict rule about putting my computer away by 7pm.

I've found that if I get started on something, no matter how stupid it is, I will stay up all night working on something. If I try to quit, I go to bed and can't sleep because I'm still thinking about it.

Setting a time gives my brain time to let go before it's time to go to bed.

I've seen several rants on here about poor documentation on great libraries. Well I just spent 9 hours in a car today and I realized that even the ones that have great documentation absolutely SUCK at being mobile friendly. I'm no web developer but how freaking hard is it to optimize your stupid website for small screens??? There are a million frameworks out there you can choose from PLUS it's almost entirely text so it can't be that hard!! I have to zoom in about 300% to be able to read it, then I have to scroll back and forth because it no longer fits on the screen.

Whenever I have to ask about how certain code of someone else works, I feel bad. I feel like I should be able to figure it out on my own.
On the other hand, if people ask me to implement something within their code, that I am not familiar with, I kinda expect more info? Like if you don't have any tutorials or documentation on your tool, be prepared to answer some stupid questions about how to set it up and whatnot. How else am I gonna know how to start with? Having to read the entire source code is a massive waste of time, no?

tl;dr: if you don't provide documentation or tutorials, be ready to answer stupid questions.

There's something special about writing your first "Hello world!" in a new language, no matter how long you've been programming :)

So hello rust, let's see what the fuzz is all about...

From a few years of programming experience, I come to know that "we cannot write perfect code."

What I mean by this is no matter how perfectly you write code, but if you have a peek on that code after about 3 months, you will be like, "I could have done a lot of things in a better way." Provided the code is atleast of 100 lines.

How do u recover from bad reputation at work? Like, false accusations and wrong perceptions about you which you have no control over? Should you guard your reputation or should you just stop caring what other people think?

So how the fuck am I meant to get any work done with no admin access to my machine, no access to the databases I need to work with, firewall rules stopping me from doing anything from AWS so I can’t get to my data? Deadline in about a week... fuck that noise!

I like how in one rant I'll read about someone who's tired of not reading any actual rants (The "Reee idk how to use the filters" people) and in the next someone's complaining about the the number of rants concerning XYZ (For example, PHP, JS, Semicolons)

You're just crusty bastards! There's no pleasing everyone

Architect: I know we said we would never do The Thing because doing The Thing is really bad, but can we do The Thing for a proof of concept?

Me: How about Fuck No! Unless you are proposing a solution to fix The Thing, we are NOT doing The Thing just to satisfy some perverse curiosity you may be harboring.

No raise. Not like I single handedly rewrote one of our weirdest and most complex legacy code bases or anything... Oh and even so they whined about how long that took that's probably reason they'll cite if I ask about this lack of raise thing.

I mean, technically I got a little more just because the tax rates are different for the new financial year but come on

> Project does X
< How about you show me how X looks in action
> No

Add fucking images to your project
if there is anything to show off!

Uh I reached 3k, cool.

Funny how everything that seems like an almost general truth about the computer users is conditioned only but the phrase "..excepting Linux users" 🤔

No one randomly recommands operating systems ... excepting Linux users!

No one needs to know how to do <complicated hilly-billy technology> in order to use <generic simple software>!

It seems that we (the Linux users) are all rebels without a cause😅

company lands huge enterprise project
promises client to deliver it in MIN_TIME_REQUIRED/4

No architect, no technical lead, no seniors, no designer just juniors and interns in the project.

all the project time wasted by manager making shit decisions and not giving a fuck what devs have to say about how project will be disaster if goes like this.

Now the project is officially under raging fire

Boss to dev : What happend to the project. Why are things not working?
Dev: You made decisions not us.
Boss: I don't buy it. Work 24hrs until this is done.
Dev: F*** you and this project. I am resigning.

Sysadmin's nemesis: a DBA. Especially an oracle DBA. There's no other kind of tech worker I've seen who's more opposed to best practices.

How about for devs?

How many of you wear shades at work?

I started doing it after I faced some problems due to the extremely bright lights. It's such a complicated problem that no one in the management or admin team can do anything about it. 🙄

Freaking Magento! I've been learning how to use Magento for about the past week and i feel like i'm no closer than when i started..

So.. name one fucken case where your database is not a computer backed thing.

Just asking because.. why the fuck? I don't think your database server supports input of fucking math symbols? JUST USE HUMAN LANGUAGE, AS YOU HAVE TO DO ANYWAY!

It's stupid how everything needs to be expressed mathematically ffs. Not that it's hard to understand - it's just more complex than of a very simple wording.

!!!dev

This is !dev at all, buy I think many devs might share a similar way of thinking.

I just had a discussion with a friend. He told me that he donated 100.- to a poor family he met in Thailand and told me about how good he feels because of that.
I told him that I’ve been donating regularly for the last 8 years and that it’s not about how you feel but about the change you made.

We argued for a while and I realized that I’m using my past donations not only to convince him but to win the argument..

I used my deeds to my own benefit, so I’m no better than the TikTok Bitches showing their bodies for likes..

I’m deeply disappointed in myself.

I see a lot of talk about complex numbers, and yet
for all they are worth, I have not once been
able to find an explaination on how to calculate
them by hand, namely the real component.
For example
(-5)**0.5
(1.3691967456605067e-16+2.23606797749979j)

2.23606 is obviously just the square root of 5, but where the hell did 1.369 come from?

Apparently no one fucking knows, and no site I've found gives a simple explanation for someone new to math in general.

"use a calculator", "hit a button",

How about no.

Man I'm only 4 years in and I'm so tired of writing bullshit code that no one cares about. How do people do this for 20 years. I don't know. Motivation is at an all time low. It seems stupid to me that instead being out there with the butterflies I am dying staring at a rectangle for days on end. FML.

Dang. I feel like I'm just not cut out to climb any ladder.

When we discovered a production bug. I feel bad about making people working on that part look bad by not catching it.

My manager has no issue with pointing out that I should have caught it. Beating a horse while it's down.

I mean no shit. Of course I know I should've caught it. How does making me feel worse about it help.

Feels like I'll always be in a tough spot no matter where I am on the ladder.

Or I'm just fragile. I acknowledge that, too

Never speak lowly about your profession or position to anyone. At best, no one cares. At worst, you lose an opportunity to improve that position.

Have pride in your work, irrespective of how much it sucks. If you don't have pride, pretend to while talking about it to others.

Rants are fun to read, but no one respects someone who rants about their own profession.

I fucking hate my job so much. I feel like I work harder than anyone at my level, yet I can't get promoted. I'm so fucking sick of putting in effort for nothing. We all get paid really well, and yet no one seems to give a shit about the work. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass, for what? No promotion.

For promo to next level, the projects I work on aren't supposed to matter, just the execution. And yet, I get told I don't have enough impact when I'm interested in promo? How can I, I have no fucking choice what I work on you fuckers.

Fucking bullshit job.

// O(n²) complexity
for(x;y;z){
for(a;b;c){
}
}

Dev's argument: "We use this everywhere, as long as it gets the job done! Time is money!" How ironic..

So you would rather make your processing speed suffer for the sake of saving time? No, clean code doesn't matter. No, we should not waste time spending even a mere microsecond thinking about writing better code or at least consider it. No, we should just vomit out bad code at top speed. Good idea, guys. Idiots everywhere..

I feel no energy

no will

no power

no strength to move

i feel so.... empty....void.... null...... Soulless.... dont know how to describe

if something bad were to happen again or if someone were to die, i wouldnt have the energy to cry even if i wanted to, that is how low i feel these days can u even imagine that....

2h of sleep for the past 3 days

no energy to even workout because i feel like im about to faint if i do

all thats left is little piece of motivation inside me for whatever reason still alive and it keeps me moving

Servey Question.

How many you programmers have a working knowledge of how compilers work? The philosophy and mathematics behind them. Different stages. The choices one might have to make at different stages. Reasoning about the said choices. Difference between different paradigms -- philosophically and implementation wise. The tools one might use.

Reason behind I'm asking this is that I got into a debate with a friend where he said 9/10 of people whom we call "developers" have little to no idea how compilers work.

Why do game studios force social/multiplayer in single player games?
Single player sandbox? How about we make it a multiplayer co-op?
Just fine 1 on 1 brawl? Hey how about you find a team and tag team? No? Too bad fuck you, no points to you for a whole fucking season.

Ugh.

I like our daily stand-ups, but our team only does it when our scrum master is present, if he takes a day off, no one cares about it
I think it's healthy for scrum teams to have that every day

What do you guys think? Are you also doing scrum? How bug is your team?

People who complain about JavaScript have no idea how good they have it...

That moment when someone asks you, if they can get a Microsoft Office license for free from you.

Admit it! We have all tried it.

"Do you know OOP in Java?"
"No, I don't."
"How about POJO?"
"I dunno too."
"Okay, so what do you know?"
"Pascal."
"Then why do you call yourself a Java programmer, dude?"
"Cuz, I'm a programmer, and I'am a Javanese."
"Oh..."

From the book

Refactoring JavaScript
Turning Bad Code into Good Code
Evan Burchard

HOW CONVERSATIONS ABOUT REFACTORING SHOULD GO UNTIL TESTS ARE WRITTEN
“I refactored login to take email address and username.” “No, you didn’t.”
“I’m refactoring the code to ____”
“No, you aren’t.”
“Before we can add tests, we need to refactor.” “No.”
“Refactoring th–”
“No.”
“Refa–” “No.”

-Week before final project presentation.
Classmate: Dude, can you help me for our project? Its website.

Me: Sure, what you used?

Classmate: ASP. NET

Me: Ok....I don't know much about it but let me see.

Classmate: No, I just want your help with flowchart, sequence diagram and use case diagram.

Me: ..................
*in mind: how the fuck m supposed to do that shit I don't even know much about your website*

(still I drew few basic flowcharts for them)

No seriously, tell me more about how leveraging React-Native for sections of the app and creating these custom architecture patterns is going to revolutionise mobile development. I'm all ears.

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

I haven't done any front end stuff in a long time (last time was before jQuery was popular), and since I had some free time lately I decided to check out React and see what it's all about. Turns out that first I had to go trough one week of reading about node.js, npm, jsx, es6/es2015, babel, webpack (and probably something else), but I finally got to React. So far I had no problems with any of this but I have no fucking idea how most of this stuff works behind the curtains and I'm scared.

That moment when another dev has no idea what he is talking about but tries to convince you that what he says is the best way to do things.
How did it all ended up here?

Recruiter called me to present me a job in fintech.

Arguing about how work standards are important and that task oriented work culture is great.

....

Recruiter (can’t find any argument): All people work in office. It’s financial institution they need to protect privacy.

Me: AWS on last summit presented show case of whole bank from EU in their cloud infrastructure.

....

And we argued for at least 10 minutes where me was talking about losing time and task oriented workplace with specified goals and listening about how brilliant people are there and how much they believe in opensource.

I started believing they want me to go to work to indoctrinate me and make me corporate pig.

Hell no I am to old for that.

I got no words to explain their lack of knowledge about how the world as they know it was developed.

How f*cked does a code base have to be until you jump ship? I got a new job recently and been working there for about 4 months. It's a big company and there's ways to move around internally.. but holy cow the code is bad. It almost seems beyond the point of no return... Almost like a totaled car.

Why do you root your phone?

My original reason was to enable things my restrictive carrier prohibited, like tethering. But now that carrier is years behind me. On my previous phone, I rooted to disable onerous pre-installed software. On my current phone, I see no reason to root it at all, except maybe to try out some roms.

How about you?

If the website layout is all broken and looks bad - it’s your fault. You can’t claim “I’m not a visual designer.” No one cares about how slick your MVC style is.

I know how to make software, dont judge my merit on knowing details about specific libraries -.- no matter how popular they are

Our team lead was promoted to manager a few months back. Our VP/Director was fired a few months later. Our manager got our team a call today; the business is making a ton of money due to the Coronavirus fears. The company hasn't mandated any work-from-home policies yet. We're in a big city (Chicago/Downtown) so it feels irresponsible.

Our manager has complained about how he has no manager to ask questions; how every person is MIA (now he should know how we feel about him; but I don't think he realizes how absent he is).

One of my remote workers send a message, "This is a total clusterfuck"

Yea...

I turn 21 in a month, and I still have no idea what I want to pursue as a career after university or how to get there.
Sure its two years away but I feel behind already.
Also how does one go about getting an internship in the UK?
I've yet to speak to anyone from any dev industry and it's beginning to concern me.

There's plenty of literature about how to emulate classes and interfaces flawlessly in JS even without es6, but no, let's make a separate language using 20 extra keywords and several unnecessary concepts called TypeScript with its own compiler.

Sometimes you want to scream but you can't,
sometimes you want speak about how fucked up this society that we live in is... how the fundamental concepts of our lifes are wrong... How some things just don't work in the present... but there is no one who would listen to you... and even if they did, there is nothing they can do to change anything until the whole world listens.

How to manage when you start something good for you, start taking decisions for your good and people start spreading hate about you. It obviously will effects your mental health right?
How you guys manage it? I mean how?

Today I'm feeling of getting bullied and getting bullied again from the same person. I'm correct but can't show the correctness just because there's no proof I've in-hand.

I'm literally tired of people now!

Large majority of rants is about incompetent project managers.
No matter where you live the problem stays the same. Most of them have no clue how software is being made and how dev/qa work looks like.
I frankly do not understand this phenomena. I have friends in automotive/constructions industry and theirs managers are engineers too in that field. Why it can't be the same in software development?

Fucking EA Games and their fucking shit mailing system!!
All the sudden they start spamming me emails about their shit games nobody fucking cares about. I proceed to inspect the footer to find an 'unsubscribe' link and there was none, just a 'manage my preferences' link.
So I went there. After waiting a whole minute for a simple page to load (wtf) there is a checkbox saying 'yes please spam my inbox with EA's latest news about their shit games nobody cares about' and it was UNCHECKED.
So I leave it unchecked and click update (thinking it might actually unsubscribe me from this crap) BUT NO! I receive another email saying 'thank you, you stupid moron you just subscribed to our shit and will now receive even more of our useless email about how different the new NFS is and how rubbish the new Star wars game is...
FUCK

No one cares about how a module works unless it stops working

Does someone here have experience with "freelancing"? I heard about it and the little I was able to find sounded promising, but I have no idea where to start, if it's good, how to get more information, etc.

Everyone was joking about how no major innovations are really being made for front-end. Then you get Microsoft saying they want native 3D model support in browsers. Like, for what?

so that's how it is... 2,500 seats and no place for me... I don't blame anyone, just sad about it 😭
'Google and Udacity have developed a variety of free learning resources for you'... yeah of course, no need to apply to the scholarship because you provide free learning resources???

Everyone ranting about how they express themselves through code.
And here I am on project where I can make almost no decisions myself.

I got into coding for the same reason as everyone else. I'm pretty good, so they put me on this project. Junior guys get all the good stuff, 'cause this project is too important. Ironic, eh?

I’ve seen so many articles about how over-complicated and hard Angular is and I still have no clue what they’re talking about? It’s not that hard wtf

Requirement: "Build teleport using a teapot and some tape"

Yesterday I spent most of my working day staring at the screen thinking about it, without being able to write a proposed implementation document. I felt the most useless person in the universe.

Me, today at daily stand-up meeting: «Honestly I have no idea on how to proceed, please assign me a different task.»
Manager: «Well, just think about it a bit more»

Great.

Changing jobs sound exciting until you discover the onboarding experience.

No architecture overview, no presentation about core services. It's not a problem except that I have to navigate through the different services or hmmm the distributed ball of mud hmmm.

And then they ask you to estimate how long that X or Y ticket will take, so I give always the max possible number :D

Tech lead is getting on my friggin nerves. The tech lead keeps all the important info about the project for himself, does no sort of coding just merges stuff on Git and makes me handle any small fry problems which give me little to no insight into the project.
Then complains to the manager about the fact that nobody will help him and he has no time to do any work.
Meanwhile he creates own little club of people to talk to and stops talking to us devs.
Is this how its always been?