My "Coding Standards" for my dev team

1.) Every developer thinks or have thought their shit don't stink. If you think you have the best code, submit it to your peers for review. The results may surprise you.

2.) It doesn't matter if you've been working here for a day or ten years. Everyone's input is valuable. I don't care if you're the best damn programmer. If you ever pull rank or seniority on someone who is trying to help, even if it isn't necessarily valid or helpful, please have your resume ready to work elsewhere.

3.) Every language is great and every language sucks in their own ways. We don't have time for a measuring contest. The only time a language debate should arise is for the goal of finding the right one for the project at hand.

4.) Comment your code. We don't have time to investigate what the structure and purpose of your code is when we need to extend upon it.

5.) If you use someone else's work, give them the credit in your comments. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

6.) If you use flash, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be shot again.

7.) If you load jQuery for the sole purpose of writing a simple function, #6 applies.

8.) Unless it is an actual picture, there is little to no reason for not utilizing CSS. That's what it's there for.

9.) We don't support any version of Internet Explorer and Edge other than the latest versions, and only layout/alignment fixes will be bothered with.

10.) If you are struggling with a task, reach out. While you should be able to work independently, it doesn't make sense to waste your time and everyone else's to not seek assistance when needed.

11.) I'm serious about #6 and #7. Don't do it.

Standards, why follow them?

The United Nations should make a law or pass a resolution to ensure better coding standards. :)

How language creators choose the function to get the size of an array..

I mean, the life could be more simple, this is just an example.

Double standards :p

I am Indian. I thought my parents had high standards then I looked at devrant's requirements for a stress ball.

Just me, myself and I ;-)

Fuck Microsoft.

No, not in any relation to windows this time.

Dear Microsoft, why on earth did you put us on your spam blacklist? There haven't been any spam attacks from our side, our servers have nearly the highest 'reputation' that email servers can get, we comply to all security standards and yet you're blacklisting us.

If for some reason you think something is wrong at our side anyways, we've tried to contact you and we either get ignored or get a very late response saying that we'll get delisted again within a day/week or whatsoever.

Microsoft, please go fuck yourself.

StackOverflow: let's marginalize your "problem" and focus on the real issue at hand, which is that line 4 doesn't conform to the language standards and thus will lead to undefined behavior on a single kind of 8-bit microcontroller made in 1984 that is no longer in use.

Just got asked "How much experience do you have with the current JavaScript standards? I'm talking ES6 and ES7" in an interview with what I assumed were technical people.

I chuckled and said "I'm comfortable with ES8" as a joke but everyone just nodded and moved on..

The company I work for...
Has:

1. No CI/CD
2. SVN instead of GIT
3. Outsourcing to India (oof)
4. No Automated Testing
5. Uses Bugnet (ancient, outdated)
6. No clearly defined code standards
7. No real documentation on the code
8. Rubbish code
9. No desire to reduce technical debt
10. Poorly maintained DB
11. Poor outdated equipment
12. A useless PM
13. Still priotizes IE support (??)

On a scale of 1 to 10 how fucked is this company and anything they develop?

You think developing websites cross browsers is hard

Try developing emails.

tables, inline css, Outlook developers on drugs, Gmail developers trying to get high, and abandon most of the things you know about modern web standards

If you need a vertical screen, your functions are too long.

Looks like Apple is the new Microsoft and Microsoft is the new Apple...

I remember when every release of Windows was a catastrophic mess and you had to wait until at least SP2 to get the OS to work in a stable way. And Internet Exploder was *the* browser that broke everything, every time. And there was the whole embrace/extend thing, where they tried to impose their vision of web standards and compatibility, and *everything* you used *had* to come from Microsoft...

And now, it's Apple who fuck up every single OS release, on mobile and desktop, and whose browsers openly shit on web standards (ever try developing anything for Mobile Safari?). Apple's stuff that only works with Apple stuff (down to things like headphone jacks - OOPS, forgot, they dropped those now).

Microsoft is making interesting, beautiful hardware (Surface machines) while Apple is pushing un-innovative, overpriced garbage year in year out. And they're open-sourcing more and more, while Apple walls itself further and further behind its walled "garden". Bleh.

Be interesting to see in 10 years what will have shifted, because it'll change again by then.

Standards are meant not to be followed.

"Standards are like toothbrushes, everybody agrees you should have one, but no one wants to use yours." - Joe Croser

Dear coworker: oh my god we aren't in highschool algebra; using "x" as the name of a parameter makes me want to cut you.

* Boss gives you a shitty work that doesn't follow standards

* you tell him that this is wrong, and there will be consequences on time and performance on the future.

*he insists

*you do the work like he says

*after a while he asks for modifications

*takes too long because of structure problems, and non compatibility

*you get blamed

*you hate your job, your boss and your life.

Client: This codebase is known to be ripe for refactor. We'll probably have you do that.

Me: *opens up codebase and notices inconsistent coding styles, bad design principles, and direct contradiction of accepted community standards for how to use that particular language*

Me: I suppose to start, do you guys have some coding standards I can look at to help cleanup the code in a way that is consistent with your other codebases?

Client: This one team was working on developing some, but they haven't touched it in a while. We don't really need them, though.

Me: Ok, then I'll do my best to make sure coding styles are consistent using my own knowledge. Why are you guys doing [thing that contradicts community language usage standard because it causes memory issues]?

Client: Well the docs talk about [similar x scenario], but don't mention [actual y scenario], so we decided to go our own way. It doesn't really matter, right?

Me: It can cause memory issues because you're largely bypassing some of the atomicity and garbage collection checks that come with the runtime by default. I'll change those to be safe.

Client: Why are you so concerned about these small things? We need to refactor the structure of the code! We don't have time for this!

Me (in my head): Because your codebase is unreadable and several of your issues could likely be fixed by following community guidelines.

Standards are important and should be agreed on by the Dev team using them. Community guidelines exist for a reason, even if they aren't 100% documented. These things may seem small, but they often make a world of difference when it comes to supporting your code and reducing technical debt. If you let your devs be cowboys, your code will be the Wild West.

Im glad there is a javascript standard which is implemented by every browser the same way.

Exactly

Is it so damn hard to follow GNU standards, Apache?!

Let's just hope that these two don't meet!

Swagger does not send request body for GET calls.! WHAT THE FUCK..! And the argument supporting is get calls should not have any request payloads and rather should have response payloads since its a "get" call. Are you serious?? What if there are parameters to be passed which cannot be accomodated in the params or the header. Even though people are kind of literally abusing on their issues page still they adamantly refuse to add support for this.

Swagger you had high standards in my book. You just fell so deep down there is no coming back.

So I spent 4-5 weeks explaining how shit the current code base was, implemented gulp tasks to lint js, CSS etc, written shed loads of coding standards and best practices to follow. At this point everyone was onboard with the changes and thought brilliant were going to start getting some good code coming out of this team.

I go on holiday for a week, come back and fucker has ignored the documentation disabled the linters in the gulp tasks and the code is back to square one SHIT!!

Plus everyone still committing to master!!!!

Why do I bother!!

"We are expecting you to start working asap..and complete the frontend (of a webapp that's​ expected to take 2 months to develop) in 2 weeks "

" So do I expect to get paid X amount for this ?"

" Let's make that X/2"

Fuck off you dipshits.. You expect quality work and fast work ..then get ready to pay at least by market standards.

Came across a nice comparison today:

GoT: Countless characters and competing factions fighting for influence.

JavaScript: Countless libraries and competing standards fighting for influence.

When people say "I hate C/C++, I prefer java/python", I feel like, sorry guys, but we can't be friends.

oh man... I just spent 12 hours in the zone and made what was originally meant to be made by 4 developers in close to two weeks(coding in free time)

Aaand I also drank too much coffee...

And I've done it in Node.js which I basically never used before :D ...I applied my coding standards and habits that I use when writing Java and it went like butter... ES2015 is pretty ok actually 😊

Oh my dear DevRant, please add code-formatting standards & check-style validation on submitted code snippets, because the wrong indentations of code snippet posts on DevRant is driving me crazy, check-style ftw!

why the fuck people name variables endig with numbers? why? how the hell do you even figure out what's what?

checkStatus1
checkStatus2
checkStatusMyAss

Seriously, wtf is with the new "make-everything-in-javascript" thing?

JavaScript is a terrible language. The type safety, or rather lack of it, gives me nightmares about debugging. The standards are always different. It's way too flexible. Ugh.

I'm tired of all the awesome services that I'd love to use being centralized over Node and JS. I don't want to use your stupid fucking language. Who does?

Also what happened to that dart thing that was supposed to replace JS?

Oh the irony: one of the e-banks I use, forces users to type their passwords via virtual on screen keyboard (javascript based!!!) due to security 'standards' yet in the same breath doesn't allow a user to use any other character for password besides the basic alfanum.. o.O fml

We need more standards in this world...

Me: take care of yourself, people. Physical and mental health is more important than your work.
Also me: I stay up late to get everything done, wanting to prove myself. I try to please people, work longer than I know I should, and am watching out more for others than I do for myself.

Him: "No developer worth his salt puts each of his brackets on a new line."

Me: "I mean... I agree it's uglier but your whitespace commit means we git blame you for everything."

Him (upset): "You BLAME me? I'm sorry I have standards."

Me: "Not blame blame, git blame like the history view of the-"

....too late he reverts his commit and hates me for life.

I wasn't even disagreeing, I was trying to explain git blame. :(

For God's sake! Coding standards should be a subject in university, where the students are thought the right way to name variables, indenting the code properly and many more things!

WHY THE FUCKING FUCK CAN FUCKING DESIGNERS NOT FUCKING DESIGN TO FUCKING STANDARDS.

Do they have to just piss all over photoshop and expect us developers to turn their insanity into something that doe snot make us fucking cringe.

To top it off its some old ass legecy product bloated up with that useless peice of shit bootstrap, guess they forgot to mention that to the designer too, not that it would of made any difference with this pile of shit he churned out.

Frequently used answers :)

UI developer - I think API is not working
Backend developer - Front end is not sending the request correctly
Tester - Testing! Testing!
UI/UX - As per android/ios standards...
QA - Let me check one more time
PM - Let us have another meeting and get on the same page
Dev-Ops - It's very complicated you know
CTO - We're working on a next-gen solution
Founder - Let us build something that no one has built, something similar to what google...facebook...

Cridits: My EX-CPO

If you are using a language that allows OOP and you're not coding to OOP standards... I hate you.

!dev but definitely rant

Here's a fucking thought:
How is holding women over different standards at events and (non-physical) competitions (hackathons especially, somehow) NOT widely considered sexist? I don't even mean towards men - yes, of course.
But also towards women: By preferring their results in some competitions in order to "support them", you implicitly degrade them to be small children in need for praise. You imply that you expect them to perform worse. By "women-first" PR bullshit, you do what you claim to be against. Fuck you.

Why can't we just hold everyone to the same fucking standards? Women can be just as good in tech as men, when interested. I would even make a point that these different standards hold back women from trying to get into any tech-related career.

Reading 3GPP standards is so painful. I download a document to read it. A month or so later, an updated version is out. I need to download it again. It's so annoying to keep checking. I guess I'll have to write yet another script for yet another fucking problem.

The documents themselves are not that good too. My work would be a lot easier if there is a web interface for the standards.

Your standards are getting low, Google.

No, you self-centered asshat,
the HTTP RFC is not just a set of pedantic suggestions.

Fix your non-standard shit.

I fuckin hate workin on crowded projects. Every one seems to be writing by their own standards

If you're this kind of developer..
Then you seriously need to reconsider your coding standards and structure.

Blown away by how unbelievably hard javascript is becoming today. I told the junior dev "you'll love this stack. Its all javascript and with being simple as hell to pick up". Then I sat back and peered over my mountain of reducer logic and react component piecing and realized nothing I have written to halfway eligible to someone who is not to date with today's javascript standards. This language is becoming more and more hell by the framework.

I swear...in enterprise...doing things right is almost pointless. First off they punish you for it by insisting you use shitty outdated libraries and resources, making every request painful and a week long, and telling you "don't use any design patterns or good practices because the over seas third party people we hired won't understand it".

And ultimately those third party people are going to get a hold of your code and turn it to shit. So really...other than having pride and standards...just pile more shit on top of the other shit because it will all be shit soon enough.

I'd like to illustrate the development of USB charging standards using this picture.

fancy coding standards

Had a LinkedIn recruiter contact me a few months ago, I usually get one of these a week at minimum and usually more frequent the moment a start a new position. I hate that!

Anyway, story and rant:

The recruiter sent me a position that was pretty good, lots of benefits, not too far to drive, some remote days. With the usual list of responsibilities that they themselves dont know what half of them are but put them on anyway, I would automate those anyway if I wanted to work there.

All looks great, I ask if they can send me more details and the budget they company has for the position.

This was for a Senior position so I thought they would know what industry standard is.

The recruiter replies with a budget: $2000

I actually couldn't believe that they thought that was acceptable amount of money for the amount of responsibilities they wanted this new senior guy to do, no wonder the previous guy left.

I respond and told her that the amount is extremely low for what they want and I dont think they will find someone with the skills they need at that amount. I would be willing to talk for a minimum of $4000 and thats not guaranteed until I can go for a formal interview to find out exactly what the company needs.

The recruiters replay was probably the rudest anyone has ever been to me online, lol! She insists its industry standards and any Senior would be lucky to get such a great paycheck, the company has been in business for years and their developers have always been happy and paid industry standards.

I respond again and tell her that im getting $3800 at this small company where I currently am and if the "international company with clients all over the world" wants to have my skill set why is it that they cant pay premium salaries!? As well as the graphs for my Country on what the current industry standards are for salaries in my industry.

She never replied, but I kept tabs on the company she was recruiting for. They are still looking for a senior dev, its been 8 months now and no one has applied.

I am so happy more developers are standing up for themselves and not taking agencies bullshit with low salaries, crazy overtime and bad technical specs.

Note: Amounts are made up, was just to show comparison.

"The good thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from." /Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Best quote I find so true. Every day more and more...

Today I succumbed to will of C# coding standards and started putting all my braces on new lines...

"There needs to be a Home option on the side menu, people won't know to click on the company logo in the top left."

What sort of fucking moron doesn't know that?

"The website is slower to click around than I'd expect."

No shit. Do you remember the part where you said we had to build it in WordPress?

Tabs v Spaces...
camelCase v snake_case
'single' vs "double"
hyphen-vs_undescore

The point here is PICK ONE AND USE IT.

Don't you feel confused if someone in your team declares variables like this?

TextArea textarea1, textarea2;
Component component1, component2, component3

textarea2.setText(textarea1);

It's an identifier for a reason, make yourself identified!

At work company coding standards Method
{
}

While working in personal Projects
Method{
}

!rant
I recently moved all our tasks from grunt to gulp and integrated bower as the front end package manager. Also I wrote a lot of guides to set up standards and how-to for the team.
It's my 3rd month in my job and first major work. It took me more than a month to completely set it up and train everyone to use those new integrations.
Today all my seniors applauded my efforts. So much happiness 😀

What manager says: You should support IE because a very large portion of our userbase is already there and they somewhat comply with web standards so it shouldn't be that hard. Also most good sites support IE so we should support it too.

What web developer hears: blah blah blah SUPPORT IE blah blah blah SUPPORT IE

!dev

My boss told me that I should improve my posture since I was slouching. He said girls really dig good posture.

1. Highly doubt that
2. Is that why his wife married him?
2.5 If so, that’s low standards
3. I’m a programmer anyway so I’m afraid I’ll need more than good posture to get a girlfriend🤷‍♂️

So at the moment I'm developing a RESTful API for an internal project at work and I'm starting to learn and understand about HTTP status codes.

So I started incorporating proper response HTTP status etc, but my co-workers don't understand what any of it means. They think that just sending a JSON response is enough with any messages should be enough. I think this mindset stems from people who just do simple AJAX calls in JavaScript just to get or store data.

It's these kind of developers that I find are lazy or have no motivation to improve themselves, which is disappointing.

I don't hate Java, seriously.

I just prefer spending my first hours with a language actually programming in it rather than fixing shitty uninformative errors and learning libraries that follow no standards.

Pour your salt below.

When one of your dev's can't keep his variable naming consistent, even within the same line. Throw in non-English comments, bad spelling and incorrect pluralization for good measure

string myVariable = THE_OTHER_VARABLE + AnotherDumbVariable
//This add the string for better working

PSA to /[devs who things it's a good idea|management who thinks it's a good idea to force your devs]+/g:

There currently exists 1543 (and counting) top level domains. My email addresses follow the pattern: /^[a-z]+@panduro\.guru$/ and I die a little inside whenever I get told my email addresses aren't valid because you thought it was a good idea (to force your devs) to hardcode "valid" top level domains. There is a reason why the filter for input type email does not include top level domains.

And you can't even begin to comprehend how mildly annoyed I get when I message their support and tell them what the problem is (because I'm nice enough to do that) they instead of telling me "thanks for informing us we'll look into it" they tell me "well just get a gmail or something". I should not have to order social status reducing items with my school mail (especially not since I'll loose that email ¾ pairs of years)

What do you do when another dev overwrites/changes your working code without telling you, only because s/he cannot understand how your code works?

And your code was working fine, mind you, no bugs or anything, and is following recommended guidelines/standards. It's just that this other dev has a different coding style and prefers to rewrite everything his/her way even if it means breaking up otherwise sound logic.

unpopular opinion: javascript has broken standards, and nobody corrects it. people use these frameworks and shit with 600 dependencies, then can't figure out how to update their application when things go out of date. now people are expecting you to use NPM to make a - - > static <- - website

Just joined a new team at the organisation as senior dev.

Team lead keeps singing about how we need unit testing and good standards.

I implement domain pattern on the backend supported by unit tests.

It passes QA and then get an earful about the code not being 'restful'. What does that even mean?

Well, it matters not since team lead changes the whole feature in the release branch and all unit tests obviously fails. Builds start to fail.

The solution? Comment out all unit tests. In the sprint retro, we hear the same old adage 'we need 80% code coverage'

Do as i say, not as I do. FML.

/* My Three Wishes */

1. Nvidia starts fucking supporting the linux community with open source mainlined drivers that support GBM.

2. All five eyes countries apply some proper privacy protection laws. Other countries would be appreciated.

3. 5G and other core future tech standards are implemented under open firmware/hardware that can be reviewed and reproduced.

Please monkey paw this

So we have this one dude in our team. Mid level engineer. 7 months old in the company. Arguing with everyone. Doesn't listen to the leads. Wants to do stuff in his own way. Complains about everything. First I thought he knows he stuff. But the. I realized he just wants to disagree with everything. Also thinks that all the work he did in his last job is superior. But most of the things are not following standards. Looks like he is just full of himself. How to deal with a person like that? Will he get fired eventually?

Daily scrum
Today, the Scrumpy Master was not here, so I leaded the daily scrum meeting,
rephrasing the 3 standards questions a little bit: the results where amazing.
Here my questions in case somebody want to use them:
- What the fuck did you do on Friday?
- What the fuck do you think you are doing today?
- What is your fucking problem?

We managed to keep the meeting very short and after the meeting everybody was sooooo concentrated I couldn't believe it.

Beeep Beeeeeep 7:00 o'clock. Shit. I was dreaming. Must wake up and go to work.
Scrum master will be there too.

I signed up for an account at an online retailer a few months back and used an extension to my gmail address using the + symbol. I do this so I can track who is selling my address to what spam^h^h^h^h marketers.

Since then I've been getting a few too emails from this retailer so I clicked the unsubscribe link on one email and was told that my email address, with the + in it, is an invalid email address so I can't unsubscribe it.

Someone needs to get their code on the same page. Or...perhaps this is a feature designed to not let clever folks like me be too clever?

My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.

Hi guys! This is my first rant, please be easy on me.

This is for all who always rant about how horible old codes on existing systems are, compared to what new tech they knew and how better they are as programmers compared to the seniors in the team and how they could have done it better... im getting an impression that it's either your a newbie on a corporate world or a freelancer that has not worked well with a system whos been there for ages... first, most of us devs thinks that they can do better than the previous ones, it is a never ending curse for us proud race but as time goes we would also regret our decision..2nd: cost.. migrating a battle-tested / fully functional system to a new tech would take time and money including training, which the management wont agree unless of course you do it for free.. 3rd: standards.. the company has built a pretty solid standards that changing to a new tech would affect it..there are so many more reasons that the only thing we can do is accept our fate.. coding is fun until the system grows to become an abomination that even its creator regret doing it... it's not our fault, blame the marketting guys! :D
Thank you for reading!

Had to talk to another team to change 1 value in a database I didn't have access to. It should have taken 2 minutes but instead took them two hours. This was before they went on a public rant in front of the CTO and CEO telling my team how we need to re-architect everything we've done in the past 8 months because it didn't meet their personal standards.

I have never even met these people prior and all I needed was 1 fucking value changed. Somehow my company thinks this is culturally acceptable.

When you're naming variables, it is not acceptable for them to be one character, especially when that character bares no relevance to the information it stores.

'f' is not a good variable name for an array of strings now, is it...

Well done firefox for not implementing some stuff from ES6, because you decided to do so. Isn't the releases of EcmaScript considered to be standards? I'm a Firefox fan, but damn, Chrome is so much more advanced.

About 8 years ago I had a choice, go developer or system administrator. I chose developer and never looked back.

Then I've spent the last week or so - on and off - perfecting a Boxstarter script to setup our Software Developer laptops, right down to the Visual Studio Code extensions and Visual Studio Code Standards.

Boot up a new computer, join it to the domain and start the script. It's therapeutic to watch.

I actually enjoyed it... am I a closet system administrator?

So today I found a way to break into any Apple Mac (provided the exploit hasn't been fixed by the owner) and access all private files, as long as I have physical access to it, in less than 5 minutes.

After finding this, a quick Google on the method reveals this has been a workaround for years.

And to think I once praised Apple for their security standards.

Edit: this was done to an in-house Mac that my company own, and had been password locked by a member of staff who had been fired, but held important company documents on the computer. It was in no way a breach of privacy.

!wk66
Maybe?
If we (Web makers) stop making [ie,safari,android native browser] compatible websites... Maaaaybe, just sayin' maaaybee THEY will take some time to support web standards ?? maybe ?

Do you sense something weird on this dead simple code?
The teacher showed a similar code recently in my C class. It was weird to me since I know C for years. I want to know what you guys think about it.

Nothing like writing summary comments on methods to make you feel smart. It's like:

<summary>
ObviousWellNamedMethod is a method that does obvious well named thing
</summary>
<param name="WellNamedObviousParameter">Represents the well named obvious thing used in the obvious well named method</param>

I hate coding standards sometimes.

Man fuck school! Fuck the system that is more outdated than the HTML-Email standards nowadays!

Reviewed some Unity game code yesterday

[HideInInspector] public NavMeshAgent agent;

Me:”why is this hidden if it’s public”
Dev: “so designers don’t fuck it up”
Me: “then why have it public”
Dev: “I need it to be set by another class”
Me: “then make it a private bar and create a get:set function”
Dev: “Why?”
Me: “Because hiding a public variables from designers is a bad model and by standards things now to be shown to the inspector should be private”

This shit is why I have no confidence in devs my age

My best code review experience?

Company hired a new department manager and one of his duties was to get familiar with the code base, so he started rounds of code reviews.
We had our own coding standards (naming, indentation, etc..etc) and for the most part, all of our code would pass those standards 100%.

One review of my code was particularly brutal. I though it was perfect. In-line documentation, indentation, followed naming standards..everything. 'Tom' kept wanting to know the 'Why?'

Tom: 'This method where it validates the amount must be under 30. Why 30? Why is it hard-coded and not a parameter?'
<skip what it seemed like 50 more 'Why...?' questions>
Me: "I don't remember. I wrote that 2 years ago."
Tom: "I don't care if you wrote it yesterday. I have pages of code I want you to verify the values and answer 'Why?' to all of them. Look at this one..."

'Tom' was a bit of a hard-ass, but wow, did I learn A LOT. Coding standards are nice, but he explained understanding the 'What' is what we are paid for. Coders can do the "What" in their sleep. Good developers can read and understand code regardless of a coding standard and the mediocre developers use standards as a crutch (or worse, used as a weapon against others). Great developers understand the 'Why?'.

Now I ask 'Why?' a lot. Gotten my fair share of "I'm gonna punch you in the face" looks during a code review, but being able to answer the 'Why?' solidifies the team with the goals of the project.

Okay, I know it's nothing and all that, but holy shit please either use british date standards on en_GB systems or use ISO-8601 everywhere. It's really confusing for someone from EU to read American dates..

Function bool NewSpeedTestingStandard()
{
AskUserToLoadAPage();
return UserUsesPhoneWhileLoad()
? "Fail" : "Pass";
}

To the cock-sucking dev who decided it was a good idea to commit 5k+ lines of code written in his "own standard" accross multiple files, in a large project where all devs abide strictly to a certain standard set by the project description.

Fucking incompetent douchenoggin, you're about as useful as Anne Franks drum set!
I'm not saying you're the dumbest person on earth, but you sure better hope, he doesn't die.
Deadshit, dick sucking, penis grabbing sorry excuse of a human being.

Peace out.

Not sure if this is necessarily a prank, but I was working on a team that was split in 2. We had a group of senior devs in one country, and junior devs in another (god only knows why, and yes I complained about this a lot).

The "lead" of the juniors was very stubborn and refused to adhere to the official standards, as his way was better.

I was working on an app with him, I was fed up with how badly the app was working, how hard it was to find files etc. So I waited for him to be off on holidays and pulled some extra hours to completely re-do the folder structure, rip out his persistence layer and a few other things.

When he came back he lost his shit and complained to the architect. The architect (also fed up with his shit) told him that we don't have the time to invest in reverting back everything, and loosing all the new features I added on top, especially since the app is now adhering to standards.

Never felt such satisfaction in my life.

"Standards are like sex; one mistake, and you’re stuck supporting it forever! " - Mark Pilgrim

The feeling when you realize some people on the project are writing legacy code from scratch. Apparently it seems they've never heard of any coding standards, they think clean code and style guidelines are for the weak and single responsibility means one single method is responsible for a bunch of unbelievably diverse things. They are like the Gumbys of the dev realm but it's my brain that hurts every time I have to deal with their code.

Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.

Had a five hour long debate with one of our Senior Developers today about pull request etiquette.

His view was reviewers should always email or call him before adding comments to any of his requests and they should never block them as he should be allowed to code in "his own style" and should be able to approve his own pull requests.

I explained that we have code standards and an agreed PR workflow be needs to comply with.

He then started talking about meteors and plane crashes. Literally no helping some people.

I'm really loving Facebook's new design standards they fit so well their latest marketing and rebranding pipe dream to be viewed as a company that respects privacy.

They don't have to protect your info if you can't submit it 😂

You know what is a nice phrase to write in your documentation right before you leave the job?

"I leave this to the evaluation and practice of the reader."

Such a delight to write that down.

My college teaches us perl now😑

Being in a college whose curriculum is 10 years old is fucking sick.

I mean really 10 fuckin years old.. Dude this is computer science field, shit changes so fast here, new languages, new standards, new frameworks and these guys don't give shit about that.

Wasting so much of my time attending these shit classes because i have to maintain 75% attendance in every subject or else i wont be allowed to write an exam.

FML

Why is source code so crappy? May career is not the longest, buy in my 8 years I talked to so many developers and every one told me how important quality, standards, tests and architecture are - but every codebase I've seen is lacking all of it. Everything is running on constant live support.

I don't get it. It is like I live in a world where everyone does know what has to be done, but no-one does it. I suspect it is because people are lazy, lying and won't say no but that's also not a world I want to live in.

Refactoring sometimes gives an immense sense of satisfaction. (If it doesn't introduce more bugs)

I don't know if I should cry or laugh...

Our CMS is a CMS as a Service. So, our providers, for me they all suck, everytime they make a development, everything breaks.

Today's flash news?

Well, basically any page containing some user-made dynamic objects are **empty**

But not only on our site, on their whole network of clients that use their CMS. Everything is broken.

They release new features (I should call them bugs rather) every week, and yesterday's update concerned these pages.

And for the record, they don't test. They wait that we come back and complain to see if their shitty development worked or did not.

This CMS is even worse than your first project in HTML - I mean, your first word document on your mama's computer when you were 3.

Seriously. What kind of non-quality is this?

Started a new job today. Now to get used to all the new coding standards and ways of working...
At least I received a welcome pack full of booze to help me get through it :)

I am proud of my internet provider for actually living up to some standards for once.

Any enterprise web service which ignores http standards. If you have a Fucking error return 500 not 200 with an error string you f--k

Standards in a nutshell

"We need this project done by friday"

When:

Requirements changing on a daily basis.

No standards whatsoever, anywhere.

5 different people commiting changes with no code review.

Original team leader quit a month ago.

Current team leader doesn't know our own deadlines.

QA looking at layout through a microscope at every single possible resolution. (please move this 2 pixels to the left between 934px and 936px range)

QA being too vague some times (this looks weird some times)

Same thing being changed back and forth because no-one could agree on how exactly should it look.

PM implying at every chance that I did nothing and what little I did broke everything all the time.

Me: we should take this project a little more serious, follow the coding standards and please let us use git!

Pal: Oh sure.

//made a new repo and the first commit, sent the link and prepared everything (Granted access etc.)
//2 weeks later

Me: What's up, I already got quite some commits and you haven't pushed anything so far.

Pal: Pushed? what do you mean?

Me: I'm the talking about the git repo, I'm the only one contributing.

Pal: Oh yeah git, I installed it but I have no idea how that stuff works. I opened Git gui but i don't know what I'm supposed to do. I got everything in the Dropbox tho.

Me: ... ... ... FUUUUUUUUU WHAT THE FUCK MATE ARE YOU SHITTING ME, THE HELL DO WE HAVE GOOGLE FOR AND WHY DIDNT YOU ASK, LIKE WTF SERIOUSLY I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU TO USE GIT.

😣

FUCK!!!
I delivered the damn project 2 days earlier and now this fucking bitch calls me and says that I should add some stuff because the final project must meet some standards. Standards that she FUCKING FORGOT TO MENTION BEFORE!
FUCK OFF LADY

Talking with manager about C++ ...

ME: ... and those are the main differences when coming from C03 to C17.

MGR: OK. I think I got it... are these changes those kind of changes that when we know them we can work in any industry if they use C++?

ME: No they are not, sorry. They are like basic enablers to even start considering entering some industries. What you mean are standards. AUTOSAR standard for example is for automotive industry.
The standard requires some level of C++ standard competency.

MGR: Are these standards like plugins for C++...

ME: ? ... no. They specify rules and architecture, conventions and such.

MGR: ... aah. Architecture, I know that word. So in fact they are plugins....like...like...Eclipse IDE has architecture and it can have plugins....right ? ... and you just plugin that AUTOSAR standard to C++ language.

ME: I think you mixing stuff up on multiple levels here. I think we are not ready to talk C++ competency as a strategic decision yet... lets get some basics down first and discuss this stuff in one month.

MGR: ... ?..but, but I mean it can't be that hard. I think I almost got the gist. I just misunderstood at some point.

ME: Sure, sure. No worries...you almost had it *with deep sarcasm*.

Let’s play a programmer game. Every time you see a missing semicolon in JavaScript take a shot of coffee.

C++ code written before current standards still complies and is just as maintainable, but every so often a new major change to the standard happens and I feel like all my code I wrote before last month or so now needs updated. "Range-based for" ALL THE THINGS. except I'm just retouching code and possibly adding bugs along the way.

Sometimes I just feel that my most mastered and beloved language suffers from a severe case of multiple personality disorder. As soon as I get to know it, it's suddenly somebody else.

I just hate it when a co-worker says "AS LONG AS IT WORKS. It doesn't matter how you code it as long as it outputs what the client/user wants. They don't check how you code it anyway" *facepalm*

We effin' follow standards so that it will be convenient for everybody!

Bad code is still bad code if you don't follow standards even if it works.

Our clients are upto date with technologies and website standards. We make all our websites in Joomla using HTML5.3 and CSS3. How much of HTML5.3 do you know?

Looking to update the way I write my code to follow:
- Coding Convention
- Standard Work
- Coding Standards
- Whatever other name they call it

And found this...

Forgive me devrant for I have sinned... I'm going to use a website builder to design my businesses website...

(No it's not word press, I may be a fool but I at least have standards)

React.js cause it doesn’t follow web components standard.

Well over the years there is one thing that lasts and those are established standards.

Those things move slowly and obviously don’t keep up with innovation but on the other hand same companies that make those innovative tools that go high develop standards that not always are in tact with already developed frameworks.

So frameworks come and go and give some abilities before standards are established.

It might be unpopular opinion but it is how the world works. Humans are replaceable and die but standardized products are something that lasts for ages.

I envy all those developers with clean codebases and consistent coding standards and nice architecture.

I'm fixing bugs and optimize code in someone else written project. which looks like spaghetti. with naming conventions like "a", "bbb", "zA" comments written in unknown language and off course the deadline was yesterday.

Suggested we set up more formal coding standards even though he was by far the messiest developer...

Then once we did, proceeded to disable linting in almost every file he touched. 😕

I just remembered an annoying experience I once had,

Wanted to know cli version asap (due to some bug introduced in a certain version):

-v (output: view --help for command)
--version (output: view --help for command)
FUCK
--help (revealed: -version)

Wanted to know it's dependency version:

-version (output: view --help for command)
FUCK
--help (revealed: version)

You could call me lazy for not always typing --help first but there must be a standard for this time sensitive command.

Steps for making something that works become shitty, gmail and Microsoft edition:

1. Enforce non standards compliant authentication methods because you know client developers will have to bend to your will because you're fucking google
2. Let Microsoft develop a ldap wrapper with web authentication to load when you try to log in with a client.
3. As per usual, the Microsoft azure Authenticator crashes thunderbird immediately. Not even sure how they managed to do that
4. And we have suck.

When it comes to nervewrecking situations, what I've encountered so far is a pull request for which the 2 reviewers had opposite opinions.
Something like this:
* opens pull request *
reviewer 1: "update using approach A"
* updates code *
reviewer 2: "this is wrong, change to approach B"
* updates code again *
reviewer 1: "this isn't what i asked for, i'm rejecting your PR"
Oh, also, each of them had their own set of coding standards.

What was your most challenging situation when writing code?

I am defending my project today "Effect of international financial reporting standards on company performance (a case study of quoted manufacturing firms in Nigeria). Pray for me

When Google just doesn't care about standards.

Trying to reach a spam score lower than 4 with my HTML emails is the worst time I have ever had while developing.

Go fuck yourself, horrible email standards.
Go fuck yourself Gmail, for blocking images.
Go fuck yourself, conflicting standards.

This shit is just an absolute shit show.

So this is helpful...

Fuck you NXP and your market-penetrating proprietary bullshit solutions where there's plenty of standards around.

That's all. Have a nice weekend.

Course: Modern web standards (circa 2000)
CS prof.: let's start by looking at how to do bitwise operators in java
Class: [crickets]
Me: [groan]

Fuck pep8 in general. Fuck harder anything to do with line limits. Fuck with a rusty spatula those who tie it into their git precommits or CI tests.

What's that, it's 2018 and even the shittiest walmart-tier computers have 1080p OR BETTER at a 16:9 aspect ratio?

"lol, 80 character line limit."

Eat a bucket of rancid dicks.

Oh, and since we're forcing you to be so economical with your characters, we're going to force four space tabs. Yknow, rather than simple single tab characters, which could mean everyone can set their preferred level of spacing without bloating the code with whitespace.

Because, yknow, it's entirely reasonable to chew up 1/8 of a line because you're editing a function inside a class definition. God Almighty forbid you try to do a for loop inside that function! Fuck you!

"Oh but you can't have two editors or terminals open side by side without that limit!"

BULL FUCKING SHIT. Here's my shitty 1280x1024 display on my shitty computer with two Sublime editors open side by side. You'll notice the break is at 100 characters. You'll notice I don't have to scroll horizontally to do two things at once. You'll notice I even have room for COMMENTS!

If your code standards require you to make your code *less* readable and *less* clear and take up *more* space to accomplish the same tasks, YOUR CODE STANDARDS SUCK!

Enough with this stupid meme. We're not in the 80s anymore and it's high time to start fucking acting like it.

Never had a coding style argument because my workplace doesn't have any standards, mix of C# and VB sure why not, 2K line VB service with 6 comments total? Sure no problems there.

The only styling we have is our personal preferences, except when it's my projects, then every adheres to the styles I set because I won't merge their 800 line monstrosity of a file with 18 classes.

I was considering starting a business with a coworker something like dfox-trogus duo...

But damn he can't even stop pushing unfinished changes ... Its not bug... Its bug+unfinished... Bugs I can handle...

Now I really think I might be better alone

Know what is funny about the Lisp family of languages?
The most powerful is Common Lisp, the most useful by current standards is Clojure(since it can target the JVM as well as JS and I think the .net runtime)

Yet the most widely used by a laaaaaarge margin: Emacs Lisp

I just think that is funny.

As the outrage surrounding Facebook burns on though the night, Google continues to happen and nobody bats an eyelid...

Every month I re-evaluate the code I had written previously to compare my progress in coding standards...
Turns out I need a time machine to go back in time and slap myself

Rolled out a new application I built almost entirely by myself 2 days ago... But my dev group is understaffed and has a project manager who is literally the most clueless person I have ever met, so as a result, we don't have a functional/useful dev/test/prod framework and no standards for how to deploy apps. So my past 2 days were comprised of fixing bugs in the live system that could probably have been caught if I had the time and resources to get everything thoroughly tested. It's stable now, but damn our management for being generally idiots. Our motto appears to be "Fuck it, we'll do it live"

Continuously question everything you're doing.

In this field there are so many ways to achieve an outcome and technology and standards are consistently evolving. Keep looking for a better way.

Damn it, log into PC, open Firefox, *ALL* extensions have been disabled for not meeting Firefox Standards !

FX [ Swear mode activated. ]

Letting the competent employee do the work

One day at the office at whoever built Laravel

Dev: sir, most of devs use php, we can use good old php expressi...
Boss: no, dump all of them, we'll create our own functions that do same job
Dev: ok... So our devs will use mysql, we can use sql quer...
Boss: dump them all too, again, we will make our own functions that dont look anything like that
Dev: we can also use standard...
Boss: NO STANDARDS! Creare every single php method or sql query in another method that does the same job...

Thanks Cordova

"TL;DR Standards are great and all, but what do you actually have to copy-paste to replace the previous FileTransfer examples? We have you covered"

Why the flying fuck does one indent Java code with two spaces? Coding standards exist for a reason, for fuck's sake!

Spent quite some time getting the UI of a redux weather app im working on. Below is the final design i have in the app at the moment. Sre thefe any good places to have standards as designs or does it fall away with cross platform development with redux?

FUCKING SANGOMA WTF???????

You buy FreePBX and then convert great modules from OPEN SOURCE to Commercial.... I get it. Developers need to eat. But I've reviewed the new features and you aren't adding value. Just hiding precious standards behind a pay wall.

FUCK IT. I'LL CODE THIS SHIT MYSELF.

ACPI YOU FUCKING CUNT

STOP IMPOSING SUCH SHITTY STANDARDS THAT REQUIRE AN OPERATING SYSTEM TO SCAN THE RAM FOR SOMETHING AND TO INTERPRET BYTECODE BY ITSELF!

JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE MADE TO UNIFY THINGS DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULDNT BE REDESIGNED FROM SCRATCH YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING BALLS BUSTING SHITTY STANDARD ^1

ALSO, PLEASE FFS DOCUMENT YOUR SHIT-KNÖDEL WELL, PLEASE. WOULD MAKE IT AT LEAST BEAREABLE

^1 I realized I didnt use enough swear words

Just posted a comment, and I realise it should be a rant.

In reply to stalkCoder (i think):
| At first there was nothing
| $: git init
| And then there was light

A new creation myth appears.
$ git add --all
$ git commit -m "Update 32 at 2:48 AM"
$ git push
The new creation myth is destroyed by the pure rage of a thousand Git commit message standards.

How hard can it be to convincente my fucking team to take unit testes seriously?

I'm gonna tell you: REALLY FUCKING HARD!!! TO EVEN CONSIDER START LOOKING WTF IT IS!!!

Cmon people... Improve your fucking selves once in a while...

I'm sad that StackOverflow is removing OpenID support. I've run my own OpenID server for years, and I've slowly watched support get removed from all the sites I previously used it to login to.

Goodbye open, distributed, authentication standards.

XML isn't too bad, as long as it's fully standards compliant and uses an DTD.

In other words, about 2% of XML documents in the wild.

Writing a small scale Ecommerce site for a friend. He keeps asking why I am writing tests for it all the time...some of us have standards

Screw all the people who think standard email is "secure". It is not suitible for sending passwords and SSN numbers.

How can something Equifax or Marriott hacks have happened and people are still ok sending out information like this in plain text?!

I know their hacks weren't email released but still.....should be a good time to up some security standards. Right?

Vacation is almost over. Checking my work mail I realised our coding standards updated. Comment requirements on variables now. I would have argued against it. That's fucked up overkill. But I was lying in the sun. That's just an excuse for bad naming. And our coding convention did not forbid us to add a single comment when there was a special circumstance for that.

I just should not take vacation. But now I have to comply. That's what I am going to do, but that pisses me off.

Conspiracy theory:
There is no parent CSS selector because Google effectively controls web standards, and if that existed then it would be extremely easy to hide ads, ruining their business model. Do you a-- help help they've got me hehgxh dry jvcgk cc d

Question PHP folks. Is it a standard to write:
public function hair()?

Writing only:
function hair() is just the same thing to the above. It will default to "public" hair right? 🤔 maybe just a PSR-2 standard or for readability? Thanks!

I've worked with few incompetent people till now, but one guy who stands out is my peer who is a "Lead Developer".

First of all he knows nothing!! Even Jon Snow knows something, but this guy knows absolutely nothing. And on top of that he has a hard ass attitude. Never sticks to coding standards, pushes unwanted configuration files to Git, uses too many nested loops even when not even a single one is required.

And when I suggest him something, he starts giving these lame ass reasons and tries to avoid my comments. Then I say, "good luck with that buddy" and move on!!

Why the fuck does microsoft feel the need to be different?

One small example is VBA (Visual Basic for Applications).

When calling a function iw does not allow you to use brackets.
Example: Funct (arg1, arg2) is not valid but Funct arg1, arg2 is.

If you want the damed brackets you'll have to use call.

Call Funct ( arg1, arg2)

because after the first function is called, functions within that as arguments need to have the brackets...

Benefits of using Strings for Boolean intended logic?

I'll go first

easily implement cases before finally checking if true

generateUsername: { type: String }

if(generateUsername == 'humanReadable'){
// generate a username in a human readable format AKA yoDudeImRainbow
} else if(generateUsername == 'hash'){
// generate a username by using a random hash
} else if(generateUsername){
// generate a username by using a random hash
}

so the PHP Standards Recommendations part two (PSR-2) says
"Code MUST use 4 spaces for indenting, not tabs."

and i feel devastated

What retarded way of writing a json feed is this? what the fuck!

Each product in the feed is translatable, but instead of creating a new object in the feed with the translated content, there's an additional field pointing to a language code (this applies to all translateable fields).
Then each translatable field is appended the number which matches the number appended to the language field containing the desired language code.

In addition to that, the keys doesn't have any sensible meaning, but appearently they abide by som obscure "GS1 / GDSN" standard.

So for each "distinct" field I have to look up the definition of that key

If just the language code and the actual value keys was grouped together.. but no, the feed is ordered by the number after the 'D'.

Yeah for being stuck with something that looks like infinite scrolling, because one product object is fucking gigantic.

FUCKING INSANE MANIAC PIECE OF TRASH.
@#%!#€&

Anybody else really dislike jQuery coding standards? Like who decided $ was a nice & informative variable name?

PLEASE do not format your code like this!

"let's put an advert right next to the login/registration area so everyone can see the ads"

Thanks for reminding why I love adblock, how retarded you are and why you should never be allowed to touch ux/ui.

f your theory about users != customers.

Hope better ads standards slaps in your face, HARD

dev: ugh we need to set and implement coding standards

same dev: no I don't need to follow what you just said, it's already clean and readable (it's not)

Hey guys so we need to start taking accessibility seriously, it’s the law - right now we currently do nothing.

So let’s start with something super simple. Alt text has to be provided for an image...

“This is all bollocks let’s be honest”

😳🤦🏻‍♂️

Um...so I don’t make the rules, the W3C define the standards for the web. Disabled users matter...

FUUUUUUCK MICROSHIT!!!!!!!

Here's the thing, I've been tasked with making sure our SSL endpoints gets top marks on SSL Labs, adhere to PCI standards and generally ensure best practises for securing them...

This means disabling anything SSL and even TLS1.0 has to go. Cipher suites has to be carefully set up to ensure prioritized negotiation of these.

Now the curveball... Windows 7 and Windows 2012 has TLS1.1 and better disabled by default, and I have to support that shit as well!!! Fuuuuck!!!!

How do you guys manage the stress of freelancing?
The work is never up to their standards they say, you have to deal with all your life, academics and procrastination...
Wish I get hit by a truck or something...😞

Why LinkedIn motherfuckers why! why would you do that!

Frontend double standards: havind two CSS frameworks on THE SAME FREAKING PROJECT, with arbitrary usage!!!!11one

Not caring about code styling and just committing because whiny people annoy me. It works; it works. I should probably abid by code styling standards and do a precommit but bite me 🖕🖕🖕

We're using Angular in the shittiest possible way.

It's wrapped in .NET, the code follows no standards and we lack any sort of component hotload functionality with _fat_ data.

When I change a SCSS style, the whole page reloads and it takes me 15 minutes to get back to the state I was in to say "Hmm, more to the left."

I hope this place burns to the ground.

So you're working on a product that basically the main thing it does is fire off http requests and parse their responses into a nice model. We've made some nice helper class that allows you to do this easily, but a simple piece of functionality is not in there yet.

You agree to add this one simple function and decide to:

- Not conform to coding standards set by the team
- Document its behavior which does NOT match the implementation
- Not write a single fucking unit test to prove it's functionality

ARE
...
YOU
...
FUCKING
...
MAD?!

Freaking out!!! I am trying to stuff as many AP courses as I can into my schedule. I can handle it but I can't take everything I want!! I also have to make some great projects so that I can put it on my github and feel like a Real Dev, and I have to study for my SATs. And then I have to apply to college. In 2.5 years.
Yay!! Which means I have to go to sleep at 12 wake up at 4(Which for dev standards is a lot of sleep). Which means I have to zombie through school. Going to be a great 3 years folks.

Compilers should just work for raw C with only static memory allocation. This isn't the bad old days where a couple of dudes wrote a short book explaining how C might probably should possibly work. I hear supposedly we have standards now.

Well, last week I lost 2 days to our compiler randomly forgetting that it wasn't okay to put a globally allocated uint32 at an address ending in 9. What? It had been handling this case without issue for more a year, but now after changing completely unrelated code we have this problem.

I'm not sure how to even deal with this idiocy so no doubt I'll continue working on it this week, too.

Thanks a lot, GCC.

VR/AR - inferior interaction with the computer, just like touchscreen are inferior to physical buttons
Microservices - having a stew of different coding standards will in the end introduce performance issues due to layers needed to reduce code entropy
Agile - programming was and always will be creation on existing technologies. Every library writer who follows Agile is making a hellhole for anyone above the layer of abstraction
Web freedom and Anonymity - At this point it should be obvious already, this fad took 30 years too long

SharePoint got axed in my prev job and it payed quite well for my home country (Lithuania). I could not find comparable offers on the market in the country and started looking at foreign markets and eventually settled on UK at that time. My girlfriend at that time (now wife) quit her job and followed me there and eventually got employed by the same company.

We have just finished our internal transfer with same company from UK to Canada and couldn't be happier (though the pay is crappy by Canadian standards, but we'll get there in a few years hopefully...)

Much like traditional engineering I can see software engineering suddenly becoming very very regulated around the world. Different systems safety bodies will open up for things like embedded systems development where their is a risk of harm, mandatory security standards will be put in place etc.

Enjoy the cowboy days ladies/gents/others regulatory bodies are on their way!

The best thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from...!