This makes getting any work done slightly more difficult. Maybe I should try dog debugging

You ever sit down to start working on a project, get all your imports and variables set up, and then just completely lose all motivation to even press a key?

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

Got my first job on UpWork, and I think I got scammed already :(

JavaScript...

People say go big or go home. As if going home is a bad thing. Hell yeah I wanna go home and I wanna take a nap when I get there.

Phone rings
Uh oh
Answers the phone
Its my boss
>the latest tool you made isnt working
Um... Yes it is?
>we cant run it because its a jar file
Um..
>how to you run a jar file?
Um... You click on it?
>it doesnt work, nothing shows up
(Maybe if you fucking read my documentation, you would see that it just generates the files you need)
>there are no files
Yes there are we tested on every possible hardware, theres no way to fuck it up
>there are no files
Okay maybe you just dont see them on your desktop, move the jar to an empty folder
>how do i do that

*hangs up*

What if God is actually an average developer working for a company which creates worlds and at first it all ran fine but then the support period expired and wasn't renewed and now shit's hitting the fan and nobody gives a fuck.

For those of you who are having interviews ... remember this

John: You know, I don't appreciate it when I run the application and it crashes on me. Especially when you say it's working. If you say you've debugged it and got it working, I shouldn't be able to break it in the first 2 minutes.

--------------------------
me: You know John, with all due respect, there are two ways that this can go. Either we can actually work on this project as a team and get something done, or I can leave and have you flounder on your own trying to complete the rest of this project for the next 4 months. Now, I know that you don't have a lot of experience in this framework, so that means you owe me the respect I deserve and not complain about the way things are getting done.
--------------------------

Me: Ok, John, I'll fix it.

Who the fuck thought a max password length of 10 characters was a good idea

Got called anti-social because I don't use social networks and rather talk to people.

I am not sure how to feel about this.

Job opening tells us that they want someone who knows:
C, C++, C#, Java, VB, PHP, HTML, Javascript, MySql, Postgree, windows, Linux, Mac OS, a degree in computer science and a few years of experience.

What you'll actually do in most of those jobs: Deal with Excel spreadsheets.

Three years into studying software engineering and three quarters of my class have no idea what git is.

But by gosh, can we code the shit out of a tic tac toe game.

Costumer: I found a 40 line python script on Stackoverflow to do that.

Dev team: ok, now... how many lines you think we will need to put the python interpreter, libraries and your 40 line script inside an Android and iOS apps with legacy code?

Me: would you like me to design the website as well?
Client: no, we have a web designer. you just have to implement it.
Me: *receives the design, made with powerpoint* 😐

There's a fine line in stack overflow.
If you ask something too complicated, nobody will answer it.
However if it's too easy, you got downvoted immediately.🤔

You are allowed to be dumb OR to be rude.
Never both.

*sigh*

Ssh'd into raspberry pi:

$ sudo ip link set dev wlan0 down

*waits 5 minutes for response*

Oh.. Oh yeah..

“This should be super quick.” - product manager

Peer-to-peer connection.

🙂

I told my girlfriend about Devrant. Now she's hooked onto it and doesn't pay attention to me. And now I'm ranting about it on Devrant. Oh the irony! T_T

CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

No. More. Writing. Code. On. A. Fucking. Piece. Of. Paper.

 (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

coincidence?

Teacher: Homework for next time is to make 2 web pages with three javascript.
* whole class is quiet *
Me: What's "three JavaScript"
T: undefined
M: Do you mean three files?
T: No, I mean three JavaScript.
M: Okay, so let's go with five CSS and twelve HTML as well then...

Please, go somewhere else when you can't explain your OWN HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. Holy fuck.

So there is this girl who was trying to be cute and wrote a mock C code for me :

She wrote :

If(existence=disapointment)
printf("kill self");
else
printf("what else??");

And without hesitating I told her that her code had a fault in it and it would always print "kill self" no matter what the level of disappointment is. And asked her to fix it.
The way she fixed it was probably best described as the situation when you have no idea what you are doing and you don't try to understand either. (or was simply passive aggressive) :

If(existence=disapointment)
printf("kill self");
else
printf("kill self");

Honestly though I hope she was being passive aggressive because boy do I pity people who confuse between '=' and '=='

I have severest feeling of being under qualified for everything... How do you guys get over that feeling?

Sometimes I think we developers are pretty arrogant.
And after 2 hours in work I recognize everyone else is so fucking stupid

My dad has been using android for about 4-5 years now. I just showed him how the notification drop down works.