So normally it takes at least 4 years to become a developer by pursuing a CS or similar degree.

However, today I found out you could just touch the screen 7 times on Android to do the same thing. Go figure...

There is a russian cartoon called Fixiks (“Фиксики”, tiny fixers) which is about tiny creatures that live inside tech and fix it when it breaks without the owner knowing. This is a fun, family-friendly cartoon rated 3+ filled with approachable explanations of how does common tech stuff around us work: TVs, washing machines, etc.

However, there is one weird, super grim episode about one such creature who forgot to leave a TV he was living inside that is being thrown away and ending up on the scrapyard.

Having no choice but to follow his purpose, he becomes obsessive trying to fix an endless amount of broken tech there, with new broken stuff being delivered to that scrapyard every moment. After a while, he completely loses his sanity.

That episode displays what seems like a weird mix of schizophrenia and OCD. Having a psychological trauma he fails to recognize the rescue team of his own kind, attacking them. He loses his ability to talk, resorting to random screams of aggression.

This episode doesn’t really feature even a single explanation of how something works. It just is there somehow among the episodes of a casual, happy cartoon for children.

Needless to say, this is my favorite episode.

console.log("debug");
.
.
.
console.log("debug1");
.
.
.
console.log("debug2");
- The only way. Try to change my mind

Not working, not looking at the phone, not listening to music, just sitting there and doing nothing until you get bored enough to get back to it.

Well....

Oh for crying out loud, Github is stopping with the term 'master' due to its 'negative association'.

Can we please not pull everything out of goddamn context and not be a fucking offended special snowflake with ANYTHING that could potentially be thought of in a way that could be associated with slavery?!

If we're gonna do it like this I want to ask people of color not to use white/light themed websites/backgrounds.

Due to Coronavirus (COVID19) all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshake.

- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- Yes
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*
- ಠ_ಠ
- (⌐■_■)

I'll just leave this here

I've seen people do more than 4 as well though

Lol programmer === master googler
#HateBeingCalledIT
#DeveloperNotComputerRepairMan

What a legend!

Best pickup line ever

When a full-stack developer credits the whole team

Margin-right : -20px

So, there's this big company in Poland with its name starting with C and having CEO famous for saying that every software developer can be replaced with a finite number of college students.

They recently lost a HUGE government contract and so stories of people working there came to light. My two personal favourites:

1. A tester who has been fired for finding too many bugs and mistakes in their product. He was also told that bugs are to be found by clients on production, not in-house.

2. A programmer who was yelled at by his team leader for "wasting time" on code reviews instead of typing the code. He was also told he hadn't been hired to criticise other people code.

God, I'm so grateful I don't work there.

Seems about right

Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

I really like this one 😂

Girlfriend = zero productivity!

I like to work at night! When I can hear myself think. Girlfriend is jealous of my code! Argues with me to come to bed and then I lose my inspiration.

When you say "almost 2" instead of 1.7 because you're not sure your customers understand the decimal system.

Clearly not...

So apparently this is an official company in the UK

That makes so much sense 😂😂

Nothing is more permanent than a temporary fix.

During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."

Linux doesn't need viruses people fuck that shit up themselves

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."