It all makes sense now...

It's funny because it's true

Well the Google part is a wee tiny bit off, but basically Facebook.

How did you all discover devRant?

Personally I haven't got a clue, just found it on the play store one day and bam

Lol, someone forked my abandoned-udemy course project

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

"Y’all talk about UX like it’s just another feature. For a user, it literally is the product. Full stop. Everything else is inside baseball." - Startup L. Jackson

Same as last year.

Build a time machine.

NEW YEAR !

New feature ;)

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

Oh sh*t

sorry not sorry

I hired a woman for senior quality assurance two weeks ago. Impressive resume, great interview, but I was met with some pseudo-sexist puzzled looks in the dev team.

Meeting today. Boss: "Why is the database cluster not working properly?"

Team devs: "We've tried diagnosing the problem, but we can't really find it. It keeps being under high load."

New QA: "It might have something to do with the way you developers write queries".

She pulls up a bunch of code examples with dozens of joins and orderings on unindexed columns, explains that you shouldn't call queries from within looping constructs, that it's smart to limit the data with constraints and aggregations, hints at where to actually place indexes, how not to drag the whole DB to the frontend and process it in VueJS, etc...

New QA: "I've already put the tasks for refactoring the queries in Asana"

I'm grinning, because finally... finally I'm not alone in my crusade anymore.

Boss: "Yeah but that's just that code quality nonsense Bittersweet always keeps nagging about. Why is the database not working? Can't we just add more thingies to the cluster? That would be easier than rewriting the code, right?"

Dev team: "Yes... yes. We could try a few more of these aws rds db.m4.10xlarge thingies. That will solve it."

QA looks pissed off, stands up: "No. These queries... they touch the database in so many places, and so violently, that it has to go to therapy. That's why it's down. It just can't take the abuse anymore. You could add more little brothers and sisters to the equation, but damn that would be cruel right? Not to mention that therapy isn't exactly cheap!"

Dev team looks annoyed at me. My boss looks even more annoyed at me. "You hired this one?"

I keep grinning, and I nod.

"I might have offered her a permanent contract"

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

The CEO at the company I work at has been telling our partners that our PIA is ready. It took me a week to figure out what the hell a PIA was but he actually meant API

I'm going to get message from the NSA for posting this. 😂😂

Client: There is a high severity production issue.. you need to fix urgently..

Developer: I am on the way.. Will fix it once I reach home.

Client: I don't care where you are. Fix it right now😡😡

Developer

So that's how they did it!

Seriously, how?

Why software aren't free!

I thought the antenna actually did something... nevermind

Report to who?

I like paradoxes, I created one with multiple choice questions.

"Some stupid question" ?

A) answer 1
B) answer 2
C) None of the above
D) All of the above (paradox)

#killingtime

My little girl is going to be a dev one day!

"What do you mean it won't compile?!"

Here's an idea.
Make a virus called nudes
Everyone that says "Send Nudes"
I will send them "nudes"

So true 😂😂

Me trying to solve a big problem.

I feel like people don't understand what I mean when I say "I'm a console gamer"

@dfox could we have swiping between tabs in the new design please?