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I once worked until 8am to get a demo ready for a client of the client. I knew the client was a bit thick, so I made some comprehensive video demos and sent them over to him, to save him trying to demo it himself. I wake up at 11am with him screaming down the phone at me:
“It doesn’t work, none of it works!”
“What do you mean?”
“I go to login and I can’t enter anything.”
“I haven’t sent you anything to log into...wait, are you trying to log into a video? Tell me you’re not trying to log into a video of a login page.”
“Uh...oh hang on, it just worked. Ok no pr-“
“No wait, what do you mean it worked?”
“I logged in fine.”
“It’s a video. You can’t log into a video.”
“Uh...alright, bye mate, thanks!”
The moral of the story is: never assume any level of intelligence on the part of a client, even if they exhibit signs of it at first. If they are paying you they will forget how to tie their own shoelaces.17
After realizing that I am burnout from working, I soon realize that you should not go above and beyond when working, they will always expect you to work like that and be disappointed if you did a minor mistake.3
A: Hey, can we talk about X for 5 minutes?
B: Yes, sure. I'm joining the meeting
You have left the room:
Meeting duration: 1 hour and 15 minutes9
Sometime it feels like I'm surrounded with idiots.
Got a Ticket:
Support: Please delete installation ABC from Server D.
Me: Checks everything. Installation is on Server E. Asks if this is correct?
Support: Just follow the instructions!
Me: Okey dokey. If you want me to be a hammer the installation is a nail... Drop database, Remove all files. nuke K8s resources
Support: Why did you delete the installation ABC? You should delete XYZ!
Me: Cause the ticket told to delete ABC on Server D and YOU told me to follow your instructions!
Support: Yeah but we just reused an old ticket. We wanted XYZ deleted!
It's not a big deal I can restore the shit but I hate it if a day starts with this kind of shit!20
Dear Product Owners,
If you tell me how I need to architect my software again I'm going to ask you to provide a network topology of the architecture you want me to build.
I'll also need you to request the new servers, work with the ops teams to setup credentials, provision the NAT, register the domains and document the routes that the proxy will need to use.
then I'll need you to hook the repo up to our non-existent pipeline so that I can make sure I won't do all that testing I already can't do.
I hope you're paying attention, because that framework you told me I needed to use is going to be a pain to setup correctly.
after you're done with that, please attach any documentation you shit out to the ticket you never created.
Looking for a new job
PS: get fucked3
Managers who always want their employees to turn on their webcam, what is wrong with you? I've done this willingly once in my life because a colleague asked nicely and said she just wanted to put a face on these names she works with. I personally don't need it but I can understand what she meant. But no, I will not do that stupid big ass video conference where everyone turns on their webcam and you post a screenshot of it on LinkedIn with some dumb ass motivational garbage. I simply do not want my face on that. Hell, I don't even want my name on it. I know I joked about it in a previous post but seriously, just fuck off.
My webcams are taped shut for a reason. I don't intend to use them, ever. You don't need to see my face to be able to work with me and I honestly do not care if you look like a troll or a goddamn porn star. Just do your job and I do mine. Even though we are working remotely, the distance doesn't change the fact that I hate this kind of interaction and the more you force me to do it, the more anti-social I become.18
i can't be the only one who had some stressful situations in his career that made him suicidal. looking back, i find it cringey that i used to care about small things at work including politics3
I'm specialized in creating technical debt.
Basically, I rant my way in any dev specialty.
Since I never have a solid understanding of what I'm fucking with, ranting is more natural.
Ability to create technical debt is one of the most important skill, often underestimated:
- it will lead to heavy refactoring or even rewrite = more job for dev
- it will save a lot of short term effort, and luckily will produce the mid-term lock-in of the developers (more money for dev)
- it will increase billable hours to the customer. Higher the technical debt, more complex the explanation, and easier to confuse the customer.
- the best thing is that you'll never pay the debt. You'll eventually leave - willing or not - the job and you'll find some green field to exploit and create more debt.17
Pure spite really.
I do things better out of spite.
I picked my career out of spite, finished my degree out of spite, and currently work out of spite.24
This counts as a rant. I'm annoyed with myself.
I shouldn't be allowed access to npm. I just published the shittest package ever just to make a joke.
In case you want to laugh at my shit joke:
What's wrong with me?
Almost every day I do 1-2 hours extra-time to finish some problem I stucked with. I can't just turn off my computer at the end of day like my colleagues do. It always seems like I doing nothing while trying to solve some problem without any result. So I feel guilty and try to do more. It exhausting me and I do even worse. And so on. Recursively. Any solutions?
Thanks in advance! =)5
At the job interview to my current position I was asked the classic ”where do you see yourself in X years” question. I replied something along the lines of that I see myself staying if I feel good where I am and long as I have the opportunities for professional growth.
Now with recent developments it’s looking like those opportunities will be bygone pretty soon. I work on a massive legacy codebase, where with the scarcity of current dev resources and the apparent difficulties of procuring additional personnel to the dev dept, it does look like we’ll be limited to maintenance and simple small scale improvements with no room for meaningful projects. Theoretically I could ask to be moved to another product, but realistically that would both be a dick move well as unlikely to happen, as other projects are fully staffed (and made with technologies there’s easier to find personnel to).
As a consequence of this perceived imminent halt in opportunities for self-development at work, I’ve been starting to look for greener pastures. There are some intriguing ones out there. But then I come here, read some rants and comments, and it always becomes abundantly clear I’m good where I’m at right now. So what of it, if my position won’t enable growth out of the box for a while? I can always develop my skills and knowledge on my free time, and besides, the stagnation won’t last forever... right?12
I got situation here,
I am getting 524 error from cloud fare. I sent some data using AJAX, process it and then return the result. Since the data is large and have some SQL manipulation on it so it take a lot of time. I put the process in back end. But still even for 10k records it took 4-5 minutes to process, Issue is everything works fine but since cloud fare response time is 1-2 minute so it through 524 error (as it does not getting any response within its time frame). How I am suppose to tackle this. May be using job scheduler now ? My client simply refuse to send small data. My Friend is suggesting don't use ajax, simply reload the page. But again data is too much so page loading will also through 524 error. Kindaa stuck here. Any idea/suggestion how I can proceed.
Language I am using PHP. Database, MySQL and SQL.
Hmm Here is some more explanation
But not working
Here is also something
But I am thinking why redirecting ? It doesn't make sense to me7
Someone from the higher ups had received complaints that I don’t answer my phone enough.
My boss told them I wasn’t hired here to provide phone support.5
Rutee, the debugging tool for seniors who dodged coding tasks for years and now can't even fix the most basic errors. Yes, send me every error you get from every step you take. Even when it's written in plain English, somehow you cannot understand it. Expect no response from me unless it's a legitimate problem that can't be easily figured out by reading the error message.
I speak English, you speak English, the error message speaks English. I will not hold your hand through this step-by-step because I believe that the program is already leading you there and every time I answer you, I cannot paraphrase my sentences enough to make it any more clear and simple as the error message.
For your reference:
Missing module = the module is missing
Cannot be found = it cannot be found
X doesn't have attribute Y = X doesn't have it
Cannot login = it cannot login
You suck dicks for a living = you're a professional cocksucker
Go fuck yourself = just do it
This isn't some advanced hardcore error bullshit. You struggle with missing files, imports, access issues, and the errors are already telling you what you missed and what you need. How about you read the code and the error message?
Goodbye. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.6
F*CKING MICROSFT CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THEIR OWN SH*T
I just wanted to install a sh*tty app from sh*tty microsoft store just to find the f*cking install button not working. Went back to full monkey mode and smashed my mouse against the install button .... now I neither have a f*cking app nore a f*cking mouse.
Thanks Microsoft for f*cking nothing20
TIL you can create accordion design by simply using details and summary html tag and without any JS and CSS.
The discovery was awesome but felt stupid not knowing it and having wasted a couple of hours making it myself.3
Today I was asked to make a quality control checker for work, I gave it the quick name "fuckler", next thing I know I've got a whole greeting banner with the name (pictured)
[Manager comes up behind my workstation and sees it over my shoulder]
M: "What does it do?"
[Before I can say anything all the guys around me celebrate how it automates the whole QC]
The manager's whole face lights up and everyones smiling at me
No one's even asked me to change the name, I'm genuinely excited to go in tomorrow. I fucking love this.30
I really dislike the company I work at.
I want to say hate, but there are parts that I adore (mostly the people I get to work with).
However, I dislike:
- The management
- The way engineers are treated
- Lack of responsibility for on QA for finding bugs, and it falling solely onto the engineers
- Sales circle jerk every All Hands meeting
- The amount of "ring-around-the-rosy" they played with me for a 10k raise (took 12+ months and not what I was looking for when I first asked)
- They lie
Just a shitty company overall. Interesting product depending on what team you're on, but overall I'd rather dye my hair green and become a talking broccoli stock.8
Resignation of my colleagues due to burnt out and stress. It is sad to see them lost their passion in coding because of the crappy system of handling projects by our p.managers.6
Worst of 2020?
Well, I've learnt never to do free / voluntary work.
Been spending many weekends helping out a former friend, mostlyby creating APIs, sites, managing servers & scripting.
Now that I have a girlfriend, my weekends are spent mostly with her.
He got really mad, said he doesn't want to waste time.
Then went to *pay* someone else to continue what I've been doing...9
If you think changing "white/blacklist" to "allow/denylist" will help inclusivity you're a fucking racist moron who is actively hurting public perception of POCs and minorities.
You are the direct reason people scoff at the idea of modern feminism and racial equality. You've made the entire topic a fucking joke and reduced it to bite-sized, pseudo-progressive drivel that no sane person ever wants to support.46
Story of my most useless meeting?
Too many to mention. Here's one. Years ago a new HR associate was specifically hired to better engage the workforce. About once a week, she conducted about an hour to two hour meetings which consisted of every 'touchy-feely' idea you could think of. I swear any day I was going to walk into a meeting and do the "fall back into your partner" trust exercises.
One particular meeting, 'Betty' engaged us with the topic of what keeps us motivated, and I was a little more annoyed than usual because I was behind on a system critical project and these meetings were mandatory.
User1: "Knowing I make customer satisfaction my number one priority."
User2: "The strong sense of accomplishment I feel by doing my best"
<you could almost hear Betty's gasp>
Betty: "Oh, no, money shouldn't be the motivator. Money is like icing on the cake. Tell us what keeps you happy and engaged."
<other users nod their heads in engagement>
Me: "Again, money."
User3: "I can't...ugh..I don't believe..oh..why would you say that? I think being part of such a great team is payment enough."
<more nodding of heads>
Me: "Do you work for free? I don't. None of us do. Would any of you keep doing your jobs here if you weren't getting paid?"
Betty: "That is really not the point of this meeting."
Me: "Sure it is. I'll bet if Order Taking starting providing bonuses for positive after-call surveys, employee satisfaction would go through the roof. Anyone else like that idea?"
Betty: "Your attitude isn't helping this discussion. Lets move on."
Me: "Lets not. In 20?? the Gartner group performed a study where they 'discovered' the primary motivator for employees was money. You want employees to perform better, you pay them. It is really that simple."
<I could see the looks of "Its OK to speak my mind?" and others wanting to speak up>
Betty: "Moving on. Lets go over the company core values again and discuss how they enrich our lives at work and at home."
I kept quiet for the rest of the meeting.
The poop hit the fan, and my boss pulls me into a conference room
Boss: "Betty is really pissed at you. She went directly to the VP of HR"
Me: "Good. Does this mean I don't have to attend the enrichment meetings?"
Boss: "Yea, that was her idea of punishment. Lucky bastard."10
A room full of mostly old male stressed out engineers sat in chairs, and the presenter said:
"So who watched Judging Amy last night?"
The presenter went on to express her surprise that nobody in the room had seen last night's episode of Judging Amy.... and wasn't going to drop the topic.
The meeting, if it ever had any, now had no chance of going anywhere good.
By the end of the meeting someone would walk out and "retire" shortly there after, and it certainly wasn't going to be the presenter....
The company built on the IBM model of sell pricey custom hardware (granted it worked really well) and sell expensive support contracts wasn't doing as well as it had hoped. Granted it was still doing better than most of its neighboring companies, but it was clear that with the .com bust the days of catered lunches every day were over.
The company had grown fat and everyone knew that while the company had a good enough product(s) to survive, there weren't enough lifeboats for everyone to survive.
In the midst of this an HR department that took up nearly 20% of the office space at HQ felt it needed to justify its existence / expenses.
They decided to do this in the same way they always had, by taking funding from other departments, this time not by simply demanding more direct budgets for themselves.... they decided to impose mandatory 'training' on other departments ... that they would then bill for this training.
When HR got wind that there were some stressed out engineers the solution was, as it always is for HR.... to do more HR stuff:
They decided to take these time starved engineers away from their jobs, and put them in a room with HR for 4 days. Meanwhile the engineer's tasks, deadlines and etc remained the same.
Support got roped into it too, and that's how I ended up there.
It would be difficult to describe the chasm between HR and everyone else at that company. This was an HR department that when they didn't have enough cubes (because of constant remodeling in the HR area under the guise of privacy) sat their extra HR employees next to engineering and were 'upset' that the engineers 'weren't very friendly and all they did was work'.
At one point a meeting to discuss this point of contention was called off for some made up reason or another by someone with a clue.
So there we all sat, our deadlines kept ticking away and this HR team (3 people) stood at the front of the room and were perplexed that none of these mostly older males in this room had seen last night's episode of Judging Amy.
From there the presentation was chaos, because almost the entire thing was based on your knowledge of what happened to poor stressed out Amy ... or something like that.
We were peppered with HR tales of being stressed out and taking a long lunch and feeling better, and this magical thing where the poor HR person went and had a good cry with her boss and her boss magically took more off her plate (a brutal story where the poor HR person was almost moved to tears again).
The lack of apparent sympathy (really nobody said much at all) and lack of seeming understanding from the crowd of engineers that all they should do is take a long lunch, or tell their boss to solve their problems ... seemed to bother the HR folks. They were on edge.
So then they finally asked "What are your stressers?" And they picked the worst possible person they could to ask, Ted.
Ted was old, he prickly, he was the only one who understood the worst ass hell of assembly that had been left behind.
Ted made a mistake, he was honest with folks who couldn't possibly understand what he was saying. "This mandatory class is stressing me out. I have work to do and less time because of this class."
The exchange that followed was kinda horrible and I recall sitting behind Ted trying to be as small as possible as to not be called on. Exactly what everyone said almost doesn't matter.
A pedantic debate between Ted and the HR staff about "mandatory" and "required" followed. I will just sum it up that they were both in the wrong for how they behaved for a good 20 minutes...
Ted walked out, and would later 'retire' that week.
Ted had a history and was no saint. I suspect an email campaign by various folks who recounted the events that day spared ted the 'fired' status and he walked with what eventually would become the severance package status quo.
HR never again held another 'training', most of them would all finally face the axe a few months later after the CEO finally decided that 'customer facing, and product producing' headcount had been reduced enough ... and it was other internal staff's time for that.
The result of the meeting was one less engineer, and everyone else had 4 days less of work done...7