Collegue: hrrrrrrrrrrrrr *mumbles something*
Me: Rawrrrrrrrrr (the sexual'ish kind)
Collegue: Hmmm what?
Me: Miaaaaaaauwwwww 😏😉
Collegue: Duuuus.... (English something like "sooo...."
Me: x x x x ("kisses") 😏 *😘*

(I know I can do this with him for the record)

DHL, GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER.

I CALLED YOU TWICE TO MAKE SURE THAT MY DELIVERY WOULD ARRIVE TOMORROW. YOU CONFIRMED TWICE THAT MY PACKAGE WOULD BE DELIVERED TOMORROW BETWEEN 8am and 9pm.

THERE WAS A FUCKING SIGNATURE REQUIRED FOR SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY.

THEN WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK IS THIS ‘delivered at your neighbors {number}’ NOTE DOING AT MY FUCKING DOOR?!

GO DROWN IN A FUCKING SEA OF INFECTED CUM.

FUCK YOU, I NEVER EVEN AUTHORIZED THIS.

Bought a second hand e-reader and now importing nearly 1k of PDF files into Calibre's library.

Its taking huge amounts of ram and my laptop started freezing.

~$ nano clean.sh

while :
do
sudo sync; echo 3 > /proc/sys/vm/drop_caches
done

~$ chmod +x clean.sh
~$ ./clean.sh

👌

My current project at work: purchase verification, aka anti-fraud.

It's been two weeks, and my boss is flipping out because it isn't done. A robust anti-fraud solution. in two weeks. And he thought one week was a little much.

like, fucking really?

There are companies whose entire service is helping combat fraud. and he wants this done in a bloody week?

What makes me laugh through my tears of frustration is that the company that moved into the previous office? Yep, anti-fraud. Their entire business model is providing anti-fraud services to other businesses. They even tried selling him on it when they moved in. Bossman sales guy turned it around and sold my freaking desk out from under me instead.

But like. They're a small company: they had 9 people when they moved in, and were looking to add three more, so a total of 12 people. (I totally considered jumping ship, but their stack was too different.)

So. Bossman wants me to replace 9-12 people and their entire business in a fucking week. Yeah.

"Oh, but it's just sms verification" says he. What he also wants is the ability to flag users as fraudulent, have sticky verifications so they can't bypass them by backing out, have email checks as well as sms, have deferred verification to allow collecting required info (e.g. phone number), verification fallback, lockouts, manual admin whitelisting, admin blacklisting, and different rules per merchant and rule groups for affiliates to apply to all of their merchants, and of course the ability to customize those merchant/affiliate anti-fraud rules. But he shortens this gigantic list to "I want sms verification," despite actually asking for all of the above. I don't want to know about the mental gymnastics and/or blindfolding required to equate the two, but he's nuts.

Yeah.
All of that.
In a goddamn week.

And I get chewed out when it isn't done? Fuck off.

Go build me a goddamn 5m ft^2 castle out of basalt and marble using only your toothbrush and a rusty garden trowel, and have it done in a week. No outsourcing.

talk about ridiculous.

Being paid to rewrite someone else's bad code is no joke.

I'll give the dev this, the use of gen 1,2,3 Pokemon for variable names and class names in beyond fantastic in terms of memory and childhood nostalgia. It would be even more fantastic if he spelt the names correctly, or used it to make a Pokemon game and NOT A FUCKING ACCOUNTANCY PROGRAM.

There's no correspondence in name according to type, or even number. Dev has just gone batshit, left zero comments, and now somehow Ryhorn is shitting out error codes because of errors existing in Charmeleon's asshole.

The things I do for money...

Contributor badge 👍

Forgot the password of the private key used to login to all my vpn servers.

Now I’ve got to generate a new one and deploy it everywhere again through this shitty control panel for every server fucking manually.

🤬

Dope advice

The newest iPhone really seems like a top notch smartphone!

Please don’t kill me 😅

*signs up for Skillshare*
> Sorry, your password is longer than our database's glory hole can handle.
> Please shorten your password cumload to only 64 characters at most, otherwise our database will be unhappy.

Motherf-...

Well, I've got a separate email address from my domain and a unique password for them. So shortening it and risking getting that account stolen by plaintext shit won't really matter, especially since I'm not adding payment details or anything.

*continues through the sign-up process for premium courses, with "no attachments, cancel anytime"*
> You need to provide a credit card to continue with our "free" premium trial.

Yeah fuck you too. I don't even have a credit card. It's quite uncommon in Europe, you know? We don't have magstripe shit that can go below 0 on ya.. well the former we still do but only for compatibility reasons. We mainly use chip technology (which leverages asymmetric cryptography, awesome!) that usually can't go much below 0 here nowadays. Debit cards, not credit cards.

Well, guess it's time to delete that account as well. So much for acquiring fucking knowledge from "experts". Guess I'll have to stick to reading wikis and doing my ducking-fu to select reliable sources, test them and acquire skills of my own. That's how I've done it for years, and that's how it's been working pretty fucking well for me. Unlike this deceptive security clusterfuck!

My first Windows rant.

I use Spotify heavily. (After all, I am paying for it every fucking month.) In fact, it's safe to say I use it upwards of 12+ hours a day.

My birthday was a few weeks ago. I got a new mechanical keyboard using some money i received as a gift. This keyboard has a function key to launch your media player. Odd function in my opinion. But I figured I would try it out for a week or so.

My problem is: the default media center is that god forsaken piece of shit groove music (not only is it shit, I also have 0 mp3 files on my computer).

No problem, I'll just change the default media center. Fucking Windows doesn't let me change it to Spotify. Odd. Well, I did download it from Spotify's website. Let's try downloading it from the Windows store.

I download Spotify from the Windows store. It still cannot be set to the default media center.

For fuck sake, if Google can let me set Spotify as my default over their shitty YouTube Music that I know damn well they're trying to make as the default for all Android, then you can let me change it Windows.

Yes, I know Spotfiy isn't exactly a media center, but it's basically the same fucking thing.

The registration thingy for a Dutch devRant meetup is online again! (Https://Linu.xxx)

Better spam protection.

Would love to see more people joining!

Tutanota (encrypted mail service) is releasing a new android app soon which won’t be using GCM anymore so that the app won’t be the reason a phone connects to anything google anymore and it’ll be on F-Droid soon!

Fuck yeah, Turanota, I fucking love you ❤️

NO IOS, I DONT WANT TO SETUP A FUCKING TOUCH ID. I DONT FUCKING TRUST YOU WITH MY FUCKING BIOMETRIC DATA AND I DONT WANT TO GET A NOTIFICATION ABOUT SETTING IT UP EVERY FUCKING HOUR.

Current state of NPM packages...

!dev

That moment that your favourite YouTube channel (I only use YouTube from google and mostly through hooktube.com) announces closing soon.

I’m genuinely very sad. This channel was awesome because it allowed for beginning raw producers to get feedback from raw fans and even get in touch with the top raw labels!

Some top producers which are around now got into the game because of this channel and I was hoping that that’d be me one day as well.

I’ll miss you, RawstyleNation 😥❤️

Every second I’m spending on this iPhone is getting me more annoyed.

I’m about to fucking compromise and get a non-lineage phone but At least a rootable one because I want or throw this piece of shit away as soon as possible.

I wouldn’t even pay 1 euro for an iOS device.

I told myself I’d go for an iPhone for a month or so but I’ll be looking for an extremely cheap android phone because I can’t bare working with this thing for much longer.

No offense to anyone and this is a personal opinion.

Fuck.

Haven’t read many of this weeks rants but in my case I talk to shitloads of people through Signal.

Sometimes I meet friends and family in person, in case of friends it’s mostly updating each other on life while having a few beers.

I’ve got to say that I don’t see my best friends that much anymore but we compromise for that one by going to hard style/rawstyle festivals. Although I’m the most Fanatic one, at least one of the guys also loves rawstyle and the other one just tags along since he isn’t much of a fan but he just loves the atmosphere/energy there 😁

I don’t see family a lot but we’ve got a group Signal to stay in touch as well.

Talking about festivals, anyone going to Dreamfields Saturday?

Got the iPhone.

(Personal opinion)

Holy shit iOS is veeery unintuitive 😡

And how fucking difficult can you make a fucking phone setup process?!

I’ll be happy when I can sell this fucker.

Disclaimer: I have a strong hate towards apple for multiple reasons and this will only be temporary. (thank God for that)

My oneplus one is battery dead and the power button quit as well. Repair costs would be as expensive as buying a new phone (200-300 price range) so searching for a new one.

But, I need a temporary phone in the mean time.
A phone with googled-android is absolutely a no-go. I used to do that sometimes but those were wrong decisions.

So, for the sake of trying, I'm going for a second hand iPhone.
Will be testing how it works for me (never been able to form an opinion on it since iOS 4.2 (iPod touch)) and will also be searching my ass off for a smartphone which supports lineage/rooting (TIPS BETWEEN ABOVES PRICE RANGE ARE VERY WELCOME) because I'm fucking hell not planning on using that (the iPhone) fucker any longer than a month.
Even if I love it over android (highly doubt that), I won't continue using it for very specific reasons.

Wish me luck 😅

I have this headache that...

It's never enough, is it?

I was going to write a simple dns server/proxy/firewallish thingy in php.

That's working. I'm adding a dashboard and api now 😅

*all kinda db shizzle at work but finally done and going home. Can't see anything related to databases for the next few hours*

*gets in car and closes eyes for 5 minutes* (I'm not the driver)

*opens eyes only to look right into the center of a license plate: xx-DB-xx*

😑

I think the universe hates me or something.

*at work* (fictional names)

Kevin (linux support engineer): Bob, could you come for a second to take a look at something?
Bob (senior linux engineer): *tiny voice from a corner behind a desk* bob is not available right now. Please try again later.
Kevin: Bob, please, just for a second!
Bob: bob is not available right now, please try again later.
Kevin: Boooooooooooooob, come heeeeereeeee
Bob: as said before, bob is not available right now, try again later.
Kevin: but booooooob, come oooooon.
Bob: it seems that you might have a hearing problem since bob is still not available.
Kevin: but booooohooooob, come heeeeeeeeeeereee
Bob: it seems like the person on the other side of this line might be retarded. Bob is not available right now.
Kevin: But boooohooooohooooooob come oooohooohooon, just for a seeehehecond *starts fake sobbing"
Bob: Bob is getting real tired of your shit. Leave bob alone.

😆

Employee of a customer of my company asked if anyone was available for evening lessons of the basics if linux for his son because he needs this to go to the next year.

I'm going to teach the kid the basics tomorrow for as far as possible and will be paid as well 😊

FINALLY
GODDAMNED
FIXED

I'VE SPENT OVER A GODDAMN WEEK SWIMMING THROUGH DEMON EXCREMENT WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS TRYING TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THIS SHIT.

I FINALLY FOUND IT. IN A FUCKING. CONDITIONAL. OVERLOAD. OF A MODEL GETTER.

THAT ABSOLUTE NONSENSE RETURNS EITHER THE REQUESTED COLUMN FROM THE DATABASE, OR AN ENTIRELY FUCKING DIFFERENT COLUMN, ALL DEPENDING ON THE VALUE OF A THIRD FUCKING COLUMN.

HKJSDFASKFJ

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE.
THE VALUE IT RETURNS. IS COMPLETELY WRONG. FOR ALMOST. EVERY. FUCKING. CASE.

BECAUSE THAT FIRST COLUMN? IT NEVER GETS UPDATED. EVER.

AND THIS DEALS WITH ACCOUNTING AND REAL GODDAMN MONEY.

AARRGHHHHH
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!

At an internship we had to make something and appearantly I learned php quite wrong at study so they decided that I'd have to pick a framework to program with.

Fair enough, a little research and I found one.

Held a presentation about the progress and mentioned the framework I used and everyone seemed quite impressed.

After the project someone came to me and asked me to take another look at that framework.

It appeared to be veeery fucking old, hardly documented and quite shit actually.

"so why did you choose it again?"

😁

Have multiple and some server related but hereby:

I forcefully quit php on the server I use for devRant related stuffs because I wanted to quit the bakgrounded php process I had running for the dns proxy thingy since I somehow couldn't find the pid.

Two days later I noticed that none of my sites on that server where running anymore and started looking at nginx error logs.

It took me way too long to figure out that I had PHP-FPM installed which runs as a service and by forcefully quitting php the other day.... Yeah, you get it I think.

Started the process again and remembered that one 😅

Does anyone else have this? I always try to adjust the way I say things to non-hostile/aggressive (talking about things I have very specific opinions on) because I'm somehow afraid of starting a heated argument. On here, at work, everywhere.

Going to try to just speak my mind, even if that would get me into more fights etc 😅

When I'm on call and its weekend, I'm often a little nervous the entire weekend and time seems to go slow.

Programming on the dns proxy/firewall now and time is suddenly going quite faster.

This is a damn relieve.