hAckErmAnz...

*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*

Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*

Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.

Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.

So, Facebook is acquiring Giphy. The amount of metadata they're about to get is fucking insane.

And since I refuse to personally use anything Facebook related... I won't be able to use the GIF integration of any messenger and many more products/services anymore, I guess...

Just fucking great. Fucking die, Facebook.

lol.

What NOT to create in 2018:
1. macOS note taking apps in Electron
2. Text editors in Electron
3. Pretty much everything in Electron
4. “Simple” and “minimalistic” programming languages
5. Web frameworks

Me Vs a PHP teacher

Him:
And to do login, we just do SELECT username WHERE password = (userinput)

Me:
Really? Checking raw userinput against plaintext password?

Him:
There is no point in doing it securely here because if they want, the students can go take a seperate course on security

Me:
So no point in teaching students that they should write their code secure by default and just leave it as a afterthought?

Him:
Yes, because this is how i have always done it

Me:
———

Him:
Okay, time for a break
*leaves room*

Me:
*Uses the break to teach all students about sql injection, password hash and salt, rainbow tables and user input sanitizing*

Him:
*comes back*

Students to teacher:
He's right, if you dont teach us to code securely by default, we are likely to end up causing a data leak or be hacked, if you dont teach us properly we have no point coming here

Me:
*Smiles at the teacher with a face that says: Pwnd*

Him:
Alright then, tell me whats wrong in my code

I was so proud that i helped the class understand secure by default principles

How to make ai in python:

import ai
ai.doStuff()
exit()

If plumbers were hired like devs:

Ghostery just leaked all of their users email addresses in their GDPR compliance email.

Hollywood be like

"Oh no they shot a hole in my CPU, let me just rewrite the code so that it works again. I'll be 5 minutes."

Just saw this on twitter fellow developers

Old but gold 😄😄

The guy who did android dev before me in the company i work for, didn't get paid for 2 months, so he moved all the project files he worked on to an empty partition and locked the drive with Windows' BitLocker. He didn't give the password until he was fully paid. I kinda respect that guy.

Making fun of a skinny/fat person working out is like making fun of an uneducated man trying to learn

Today a colleague was making weird noises because he was modifying some data files where half of the data needed to be updated with a name field, there were 4 files all about 1200 lines big.

I asked how he was doing and he said he was ready to kill himself, after he explained why I asked why he was doing if manually. He said he normally uses regex for it but he couldnt do this with a regex.

I opened VS code for him, used the multiselect thing (CTRL+D) and changed one of the files in about 2 minutes. Something he was working on for over half an hour already.... He thanked me about a million times for explaining it to him.

If you ever find yourself in a position where you have a tedious task which takes hours, please ask if somebody knows a way of doing it quicker. Doing something in 2 minutes is quite a bit cheaper and better for your mental state than doing the same thing manually In 3 hours (our estimate)

2011: 3 billion devices run Java
2018: 3 billion devices run Java

All I wanted to do was read up on cassandra and the first two paragraphs gave me existential crisis.

Apple, I usually enjoy your products, but REALLY?!?! Why didn’t you design a mouse to be used while it’s charging?!?

Just Chrome being Chrome.

Manager: "we need an SQL database"
Dev: dude does he even know what he's talking about
Dev: "so which color?"
Manager: "idk well I think a blockchain has the most RAM"

Don't be stressed about day-to-day challenges/problems. They'll mean nothing in one year or even one month. But the health damage caused by stress will stay with you.

"Updating steam" is the new "Update available for Java"

"Don't give your 100%. Never. Once you gave, managers will start expecting more than that." - My mentor.

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Typical js frontend:

Simple page with 4 links. 5 megabytes.

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

That was.. Unexpected...

So apparently my university is doing a privacy promotion event... if only I had the time to go..

So my coworker just got this error on production server, and well, the stack trace stood out to us all...

Tldr :
Office Building : 1
Population: 5000
Number of PC users: 5000
No of Spare mice: 0

Day 1:
Training period commences.
My mouse laser sensor doesn't work.

Solution: Use this mouse to log in to your system.
Open the company portal.
Connect to vpn.
Enter username password.
Create a ticket for mouse replacement.
Done.

Day 3
I bring my own mouse.
Confiscated at security.
Becomes a security violation.

Day 9
I get a call from helpdesk.
Agent- what is the problem?
Me- my mouse is not working.
Agent- why?
Me- what do you mean? Something is wrong with the sensor.
Agent- clean the sensor.
Disconnects call.
Marks ticket as resolved.
Me- WTF just happened!

Naturally, I escalate the issue.

Day 15
Level 2 Agent- what happened? Why have you escalated the issue?
Me- I need a mouse, waiting since 2 weeks.
Him- No mouse is available
Me- you don't have a single spare mouse available in an office with 5000 PC users?
Him- no they're out of stock.
Me- when will it be back in stock?
Him- we will 'soon' launch a tender for quotations from sellers.
Me- time?
Him- 1 week.

Day 34

I email the head of supplies for the city office. Next day I get a used super small mouse, which doesn't have a left button. Anyways, I've given up hope now.

Day 45
I become a master at keyboard shortcuts.
Finish my training.
Get transferred to another city.
No mouse till date.

Surprisingly, this was one of the top recruiters in my country. Never knew, MNCs can be so so inefficient for such simple tasks.
Start-ups are way better in this regard. Latest tech, small community, minimal bureaucracy and a lot of respect and things to learn.