Right now someone at Google is coding something useless for us to laugh at on April Fools.

I thought the antenna actually did something... nevermind

Found this in our codebase, apparently one of my co-workers had written this

If you ever feel useless remember, Samsung has it's own App store

My Girlfriend wanted somewhat special and unique for Christmas, so she got a WinRAR license from me 🙆‍♀️

And the most useless function of the year award goes to...

Removing a useless block of code.

Customer: ... and can you also disable right-click to prevent our website's content from being copied?

Me:

The worst thing of being a dev nowadays is feeling useless when you lack internet access...

#useless #code #oss

You can actually do a Hello World in CSS on an empty HTML page. 🤔

Useless knowledge.

Fucking piss off with telling people to calm down in the comments to their own rants, for motherfuck's sake!

To rant is why they come here in the first place, so maybe YOU are at the wrong place, if you don't like that.

Just fuck off and spam some useless Facefuck group with your uninvited presence or agree with delusional social justice warriors on Twatter, if you have to express your useless 'opinion'.

If that doesn't work either, choke on my throbbing cock, so you shut up for at least a few minutes.

"A computer is like air conditioning - it becomes useless when you open Windows."

- Linus Torvalds

I've done it. I've deactivated my facebook. No more useless BuzzFeed videos. Fuck Facebook

Always put some useless jumper cables to look cool

we all are superior useless creatures

This is probably the most useless and self descriptive post you have seen on devrant today.

What do computers and air conditioners have in common ---- They both become useless when you open windows

I just spent 3 HOURS(!!!) on coding a program that simply DRAWS A HILLS LANDSCAPE and this is what I got. 3h of wasted time.

People who say that dark themes are useless have never programmed at night

Project management isn't so useless a discipline after all

papr, the newest way to store your SD Cards. Fund us now on indieNoNo for 50$ a piece (TAPE NOT INCLUDED)

"Yes, put your lips around that exhaust pipe. Put them tightly around it and … yes, now wait a few seconds, I'll start the engine. Right, now inhale. That's right, take a very deep breath."

That's the only dialogue you should have with recruiters. That or asking them to give you a nice, bright fake smile, just the way they're used to, right before the blunt side of your baseball bat sprinkles their carefully bleached teeth all over the floor, broken at the root.

Fuck those lying, spamming annoying cunts. Fuck them up their asses with a rusty, splintered pipe, then kick it inside their intestines.

My old phone is not useless anymore.

When you delete a block of code that you thought was useless

The best example of useless ui. "press ok"

Useless codes 😑

Motherfucking Amazon docs! Trying to find any valuable information whatsoever in there is like searching for a tiny piece of hay in a massive stack of tainted needles.

Why don't you go suck a pulsating, veiny, stinking, shit-smeared cock, Amazon?

Anybody else here has a coworker who insists on having comments everywhere and writes code like this?

// Get foo
foo = getFoo();

// Check if foo is greater than bar
if (foo > bar)

Or is it just me?

"Another one bites the dust.." BEEP BEEP BEEP!
😬 "Shit, make that two."

Down from 5TB redundant to 3TB non-redundant and still waiting for my new Reds. No choice but to shut everything down and wait. 😩

$ rant --not-a-rant

I made it guys

I know this might not be a rant but Im sure nobody will understand this better than my fellow ranters/devs

Four years ago (16yo) I learned about a software development company in my city and Ive been wanting to.work for them ever since, at first I couldnt because I need half college credits, after because I landed a way more comprehensive job, but now I start on monday. The thing is few people have landed a dev job there as students because of what they ask but I MADE IT.

Thanks for reading this far.

When you add a useless feature.... :-)

If you ever feel useless don't forget the following response code- 418 I'm a teapot.

So I saw a guy looking frustrated today, staring at a big wall of code that he needs to debug.
A 3000 lines file, of only 2 methods, with variables named using single characters, and 0 comments except for 1 right in the middle of the file.

//now we average

I usually offer help, but this is something I had to run away from :(

When you realize you're spending all your time on a skill set that would be 100% useless in the apocalypse....

Hhhmmmmmmm a useless piece of shit like always it is then

Friend calls, who never called in a decade.

Me : Hii...

F : Hey...I used this auto-liker on FB and I'm following......

ME : *Disconnect*

I felt anger and depression all at once.

If you ever feel useless, please check this. It would give you some hope. 😂😂😂

Source: Reddit

God virgin media are useless:

Me: “hello how long is left in my contract”
VM: “you have three months left, may I ask why”
Me: “this is now the 3rd day in two weeks I have had no broadband I’m looking to swap to someone more reliable”
VM: “ I’m sorry to hear that I’ll check our system to see what I can do for you”
2 mins on hold
VM: “hello mr day we can offer you a special offer of doubling your internet speed for only £5 a month”
Me: “how does that help with the fact I have no internet”
VM: “well it won’t but we have an engineer looking at the problem and we estimate it will be fixed by 17:05”
Me: “thanks but no thanks, what’s the early exit fee”

😡🤬😡

I just saw a LinkedIn ad at Berlin central station that was probably the dumbest and most pathetic non sequitur I've ever seen in advertising thus far.

It read: "Ich bin bei LinkedIn um Patienten die Hilfe zu geben, die sie brauchen" which roughly translates to: "I'm on LinkedIn to give my patients the help they need" behind that dumb quote was a nurse or a doctor (the ad was too far away, so I couldn't see exactly, and the premise doesn't fit the purpose anyway, so either would be irrelevant).

First of all, not only were both the fullstop at the end of the sentence and the comma after 'LinkedIn' missing which is already really badly done, in my eyes, but the whole ad also doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Unless your patients are fucking recruiters too and you're giving them your colleague's contact information, so that the latter can enjoy loads of mindless spam too, you won't help your patients at all – not in any way, shape or form – by being on LinkedIn. That's a fact, and I'm.sure every-fucking-body knows that, including the idiots who thought of this idiotic ad in.the first place.

Be fucking reasonable! Why the fuck would your patients give a rat's ass about whether you're on LinkedIn or not? It's a platform for spamming recruiters first and a shady business platform second. It's not that your patients are clients in the first place. They probably don't even have a choice, they're also not doing 'business' with anybody, they're just getting treated.

This is just another proof to me that LinkedIn is absolutely useless both as a platform and as a company, because they can't even think of ads for it without pulling completely irrelevant, pathos-laden bullshit out of their asses about why LinkedIn could be necessary at all. It just isn't, and it never was.

Dumbest fucking ad I've ever seen.

Just shoot all the recruiters in the neck, after having them dig their own mass graves, then let the CEO/CTO and the rest of the money grabbing, data slinging cunts follow, plane everything with a bulldozer and be done with it.

Most useless things are mysql error messages lol

"Git is useless"

Lecturer talking about a great, strong technology whole 2 hours, in the end of lecture he said :

"But this technology is too old to use nowadays."

What the fuck is the purpose of about 90% of all 'remote meetup' recordings that newsletters shove in your face so often?

The recordings often starts in the midst of a conversation, so that you have no fucking clue what those pricks are even talking about or whether it's already part of the actual topic.

They go on blabbing unimportant shit for fucking hours, with one participant being more boring and annoying than the next one.

It constantly feels as if all participants are talking at the same time, until somebody, who is not even visible on the motherfucking screen, is loudly blaring something into the first conversation that's actually starting to get interesting.

Apart from the fact that it doesn't exactly tone down the confusion, it interrupts the others, of course, promptly diverts them and makes the whole conversation go right into a thirty minutes lasting discourse that is really fucking true to its name, because has nothing to do with the fucking topic whatso-motherfucking-ever.

But this topic, advertised via the big, fat glaring, lying title, is the only reason while you where intrigued to watch this fucking bullshit in the first place, and when you realize it was just some lying, fucking clickbait, you just want to kidnap them all and have a go at them with an assorted set of rusty, leprosy bacteria-infected torture instruments.

Stop uploading this kind of useless shit or – I'll swear by the fucking internet – I will visit you at home, rape your father, break each of your your fingers, piss in your sock drawer and kill your fucking cat!

FUCKING HELL!

Seriously, you greedy fucks at Shopware can go fuck yourselves with a wad of poison ivy.

What a massive chunk of rotting, stinking garbage this brittle system is. Nothing fucking works as intended, you can't even move a Shopware system without getting fucked in the ass by Shopware's godammn greed and incompetence. For every fucking fart you need a plugin, and every fucking plugin is so absurdly expensive that you honestly have to calcukate how long it might take you to write it yourself.

I've got news for you, you snotty Shopware fucks, I don't sell drugs or weapons, and neither do my clients, so keep your prices at a reasonable level, would you? I wish you'd go bankrupt.

And whoever came up with that fucking buggy and annoying plugin system, I hope your genitals get gangrenous after having been caught in your rusty zipper for a month, you fucking greedy shit stains.

Fuck your useless overpriced plugins, fuck your borderline fraudulent business model, and fuck you, Shitware!

Step 1: Install Vim
Step 2: Realize that Vim is useless
Step 3: Uninstall Vim

Just a note. The fact that JS now supports trailing commas doesn't mean that you have to update EVERY FUCKING FILE.

Story time:
Yesterday I wanted to go to the theater with my girlfriend. It was her idea because as a student you can get reduced tickets for the play, but only via the online store exactely two hours before the play starts. We had already tried two weeks before but with no success. So this time I said i want to be on my pc with a proper browser and not a mobile version like last time. So we are sitting at home me in front of their website on one screen and with a clock on the other screen. Two minutes realy i hit refresh and I get a selection for the reduced tickets, nice.

You would think.

After selecting the amount. ERROR: Can not get your tickets. I was like fuck they are already sold out because it's a popular play. But hey let's try again. I got one ticket but not the second one, okay strange lets try again, same ERROR again. WHAT the FUCK, no feedback what so ever. My girlfriend had then the idea that they maybe restricted the amount for reduced tickets to one (does not state this explicitly but hey lets give it a shot). Use second browser select one ticket. ERROR can not get you the amount of seats. Rage level near to a 1000 why did it work two minutes before but not anymore. Trying around for five more minutes finally got the second ticket.

Now the real fun begins.

Proceeding to checkout should not be that hard you would think, but you need to be registered for that. Okay so let's do that. The salutation is not required neither is the address for the tickets but you need to have a company name??!!!!! The fuck?? I am not self employed and neither are a most other people around here so why is this field mandatory? Beeing a little under stress I decided to found the "asdf" company with my girlfriend.

Now one would think checking out is easy. Not so fast.

After accepting the terms of service another ERROR, unable to accept your data. What data? I did not input anything new? Where does this come from? Ok never mind I am going to pay with credid card that must work!
ERROR: Internal paymentservice initialization failure! Sorry what? I thought maybe I was to long idle in this browser and they do not reserve the tickets for so long (which would be no surprise to me at this point). Let's try again. Nope same error.

Now my rage level was really over 9000 but we really wanted to go so I decided to call the customer SUPPORT. Or better to say I had a answering maching telling me for ten minutes how sorry they are that this takes so long, yeah you bet. Then and this is now really great: the support guy asks me: "What error do you see? Internal paymentservice initialization failure?" I was like, okay he knows this so they need to know how to handle it. FUCK NO. "Sorry I can't help you. This is our payment system maybe they (IT) are doing some maintenance I can't halp you. Call the theater directly good day." Sorry what just happened, you fuckers are the vendors for the tickets for nearly all big events around here and the theater explicitly states to call you for tickets but you can not help me? Like hell.

This process took 25 very frustrating minutes and I was really angry and wanted to quit, then I saw that there is also a paypal option which I had not tried. With very little hope i selected everything for the payment, registered with paypal and they told me I already had an account. So reactivated this five year old account payed with all the mobile passwords and tans to finally, after 30 fucking minutes, get a pdf file for a ticket. Repeated the last step for the second ticket and with some time left to get there we were off.

Windows Update strikes again in a German MediaMarkt

to my mac book -
"I find your lack of USB ports disturbing."

I am a useless piece of shit

I found an interesting job post on SO, I decide to apply. It comes with a programming test. A simple unit test that must pass (see current-1 post). I get it passing, go to send off my resume and code and the fucking email they supplied isn't valid or active. Fuck you. Eat dicks. Useless fucking HR.

Some teammates are as useless as street lights in gta games

Insert is the most useless key in my keyboard :)

"What do computers and air conditioners have in common?"
"They both become useless when you open windows."

If you ever feel useless, remember there is a protection case for the Nokia 3310

Shame on every developer who ever wrote a blog post about a complex topic that included only trivial examples!

If you've ever contemplated suicide, Microsoft is there to help.

I'M NOT EVEN FUCKING DOING ANYTHING! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? PIECE OF WANK BATTERY

FUCKING USELESS 'FRIENDS' WHO ONLY CALL/MESSAGE FOR HELPING THEM TO CHOOSE TO SELECT APPROPRIATE LAPTOP FOR THEIR 'PURPOSE'. IM FUCKING DONE. THIS IS the THIRD TIME IN THIS WEEK. STOP GETTING ON MY GODDAMN NERVES. VISIT AMAZON FOR FUCKS SAKE, APPLY FILTERS AND BOOYAH MAGIC. YOU GET A FUCKING VARIETY OF LAPTOPS TO CHOOSE FROM. BUT NO YOU WON'T, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE AMAZON.

Me: "Hey siri, set a timer for 6 minutes"

Siri (OSX): "I can't set timers here. Would you like a reminder instead?"

-_-

I just love articles like "Moving from Go to Node.js"
2 completely different topics and different use cases and can't and should not be mentioned together

Recruiter: Hey! I found your CV and think you'd be great for this position.

Me: You clearly haven't read my CV. I don't know, nor have ever worked with anything you've mentioned. Why are you wasting my time?

I've seen several rants about dumb/useless teachers, college and the CS degree studies; today is a good day to vent out some "old" memories.

Around two semesters ago I enrolled in a Database seminar with this guy, a tall geek from the 80's with a squeaky voice, so squeaky mice could had an aneurysm if they listened to him.

Either way this guy was a mess, he said he was an awesome coder, that we were still "peasants" when it came to coding, that relational databases had nothing on him since he was an awesome freelancer and did databases every day, that we had to redo the programming course with him and with his shitty, pulled out of the ass own C++ style guide with over 64 different redacted rules.

He gave us sample code of "how it should be done" in Java...it ain't my favorite language but fuck me a fucking donkey could have written better code with his ass!! He even rewrote Java's standard input function and made it highly inefficient. He still wrote in a structural paradigm in OOP languages! And he dared to make this code reviews were he would proyect someone's code and mock it in front of the class as he took off points, sometimes going to the negative realm (3,2,1,0,-1...)

But you know what's shittier? That he actually didn't even attend, 90% of the time, it was literally this:
> Good morning class
> Checks attendance. . .
> I'll be back, I'm going to check in...
> 1 hour 45 minutes later (class was 2 hrs long) - comes back
> do you have any doubts?
> O.o no...? I'm ok.
> We're done

Not only that, he scheduled from 4 to 17 homeworks throughout the week, I did the math, that was around 354 files from everyone; of course he didn't check them, other students from higher semesters did and they gained each point taken from students making students from lower semesters get the short end of the stick.

How did I pass? He didn't understood my code or database schema and he knew he couldn't fail me as he had no ground to stand on.

Thanks for listening, if you got to the end of this long ass post and had a similar experience I'd love to read it.

The most useless developer on my internship program last summer ends up getting a full time offer at Google. #DataStructuresAreTheKeyToLife

What NOT to create in 2018:
1. macOS note taking apps in Electron
2. Text editors in Electron
3. Pretty much everything in Electron
4. “Simple” and “minimalistic” programming languages
5. Web frameworks

What the hell is "4k mAh battery"? Come on guys, you know what that little 'm' means, please tell me you do.

You wouldn't say "4k miligrams". You wouldn't say "4k milliseconds". You wouldn't say "4k milliliters". So don't use "4k miliampere hours". It's dumb.

Just to be sure - everyone, repeat with me:
👏 0.000004 👏 MAh 👏 eqals
👏 0.004👏 kAh 👏 eqals
👏 4 👏 Ah 👏 eqals
👏 4000 👏 mAh 👏 eqals
👏 4000000 👏 nAh 👏

Thank for giving me 5k ms of your attention.

Senior dev says "it is a piece of cake and it can be done in 2 days", when a new feature is suggested and assigned to me.. but when it gets assigned to him : "This is a big feature and there are lot of things that we need to decide, it will take more than 3 weeks".

"C is C++ without the useless stuff"

I just started making my first app in Android and Android is straight forward man they dont try to say something nicely :D they tell you that your shit is useless :D

Didn't do anything today, so someone referred to me as "more useless than a knitted condom"

I fucking hate when I update my apps and they don't describe what they changed. Like the latest spotify update description:

We’re always making changes and improvements to Spotify. To make sure you don’t miss a thing, just keep your Updates turned on.

Want to make some friends quickly?
Just go to any pseudo startup incubator in a university (all business people with an idea), mention you are a coder (mimicking the typing on a keyboard to make sure they understand) and all of the sudden you'll have a crowd of people around you that "need to talk to you"

The other guys working with me have to physically protect me every time someone finds out

Monday, 8pm.
Terminal is writing outputs on my screen.
Spotify is running.
The calm.

And then, an electric impulse goes from a neurone to another, travelling through my synapses: an idea!

“What if I had a favourite terminal commands manager? That’d be so cool! I could have an automatic mode that listens to my terminal input/ retrieves list from “history” command and sets up a ranking of most used ones to reuse with a shortcut, and even better, you can create the list!
I’m gonna definitely do this!”

5 Minutes of Google later :
apt install iDontRemember

Sigh.

Last year, we had to do a big university project in randomly selected groups (5-6 students in every group).Three of the five guys were completely useless, I mean, both the other competent guy and me wrote around 20,000 lines of code each, the other ones wrote around 500 lines of code (combined).
After our first few meetings we quickly knew that we have to give them a small task which was so trivial that not even they can fuck it up. But we were wrong. Oh boy, so wrong.
They simply had to code the excel export of the data, which means they had to use two functions from a library and pass the correct data. But their solution was so bad, I lost faith in humanity and was fascinated by it at the same time.
For example, there was this simple class "Room", which had a few properties like size or number of seats and a few getter/setter etc. That was a core class and written by the other qualified guy. So how did the others fuck up the excel export? They somehow rewrote that class in German (although the other code was completely in English), implemented a function for each property that would write its value to a hardcoded cell in a hardcoded excel file.
And this was just the tip of the iceberg. Needlessly to say that I had to rewrite the whole export in the night before we had to present the project.

Reviewing bosses code and had these two if statements with no logic between
if (someVar) {
if (someVar) { // double check someVar is true just in case
}
}

I have to refactor code from an intern. He's VERY lucky that he already left the company.

If I'd say he programms like the first human that would be very insulting to that first human.

It looks like code at first sight, but when you try to understand what he was doing to achieve his goal you get a brainfuck. Duplicate code, unused code, dumb variable names like blRszN.

He wrote unittests like "expects Exception to be thrown or Server returns Statuscode 500".
Yes, Exception, the generic one.

THESE FUCKING TESTS ARE GREEN BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTUALLY TEST SOMETHING.
GREEN IN THIS CONTEXT MEANS: YOUR PRODUCTION CODE IS A BIG PILE OF SHIT.

I already removed 2 bugs in a test which caused another exception than the "expected" one and the test does still not reach the actual method under test.

Dumb fucktard.

The sad thing: The fuckers who did the code reviews and let this shit pass are still here writing code.

Me: Try to explain to someone how a feature works on platform X after I read the code and know exactly how it works, why it works and which order it works.

Other Person: Returns lengthy rebuttal on how feature actually works.

Me: asks how they know.

Other Person: because that is the way they assume it works by the name of the feature.

Me: Agrees and tells them they are 100% correct.

I realize there are some people who will never accept anything they cannot process in their mind. Or possibly they think I am shitty programmer and have no idea what i am talking about.

Either way, most of the time, I do not explain anything anymore, I just agree with whomever and go on about my business. Unless of course it is another programmer that I can have an actual discussion with. But non-techies, I'm done. It is useless battle.

Finally (sort of )completed my website for the first time ever.
Yay me!
Sorry for the useless post, but some of you should be able to relate.

Really useless commit messages -_-

Useless machine.
.... I want one

As a Java developer I didn't write a line of code at work for about 2 months. Been so busy with meetings, doc, governance, architecture decisions, running after people for approvals,... I really miss coding.

What doesn't kill you makes you a god damn fucking useless piece of shit task manager
windows :@

We have to use this tool in work for classifying new and existing projects for GDPR. Long story short you have to fill out a REALLY long questionnaire, then it gets reviewed by someone in legal. The tool will also assign you tasks and suggest actions to common issues (e.g. suggesting a banner to explain cookie policy if you tick a certain box).

I have spent about an hour trying to re-assign the assessment I started, as i'm due to leave the company in a few days, to the guy taking over from me.

1. There is a “generate shareable URL” button, with the ability to click a button that says “replace me with the logged in user who opens this”. All it does is duplicate the name and description fields and send a new copy to that person, with no access to any of my other content or answers.

2. I did find a re-assign button eventually, again all it does it create a duplicate, and throws and error saying names must be unique when I try to save it.

3. While I couldn’t find a way to do that, I did find another button to at least assign the reviewer. It told me i’m forbidden to change the reviewer on assessments i’ve created.

This is THE WORST piece of nonsensical shit on earth. The entire application is absolute garbage and sssssssooooooo slow.

When you first create an assessment it brings you to a page that has all the questions, makes sense right? Wrong. All the questions are in read-only mode, and they are simply there as a "this is what you can expect to see later on", telling you whether or not they will be freeform, multiple choice etc.

The way to actually answer the questions is to click the "start survey" button hidden in the "status" dropdown.

I don't have much advice to anyone around GDPR, but please stay the hell away from TrustArc.

I'm gettimg too hardcore

My car window got broken this night and they robbed some of my stuff.. Well I lost around 100€ in stuff so it's meaningless, but I have to get my car repaired, and most of all, they stole that old shitty laptop that I use as a seed box and for file syncing. It was my first own computer too, it had about 7 years :/

I spent about 16-17 hours today looking for a dormitory that has individual toilet and shower for each room (ensuite or whatever you wanna call it)
If I ever put this much effort into literally any software projects of mine, I'd be rich by now.

(in case your curios, no I didn't find any, but like not ANY any, more like in my price range and in the neighborhoods I wanted, which ironically is predominantly student-housings)

After 20 minutes refactoring code and changing methods, you realize you have been editing the wrong file -.-'

When you add a useless box just to make it even

Fuck Wordpress up it imaginary, stiking, crusty arse with rusty a ten foot pole! It's such a worthless piece of fucking fail that I'm starting to get nightmares about it. If you want the shittiest, slowest, ugliest and most error prone architceture you've ever seen, use WP. It's no art to code CRAP with PHP, but Wordpress shoots the bird, then rapes it silly!

Did you ever take a look at Wordpress's so-called 'code' base?! It looks like a fucking horde of rabid lobotomized crack-fed lab monkeys had taken turns in rubbing their fucking balls on a keyboard before randomly throwing in some PHP tags!

ANd what motherfucking justification could there ever be for a freaking CMS or blog engine or whatever the fuckedy fuck Wordpress is supposed to be to save ABSOLUTE PATHS of EVERY FUCKING POST in the motherfucking database?! That's fucking idiotic! Speaking of posts, WHY in the fucking hell is everything a fucking post! WHY?!! Create a shitty little field that holds two little pieces of information and get a hundredfold of useless other shit right with it. With Wordpress you never make a simple DB call, you're making a hundred for every shitty, little piece of data you need, even it's in the same motherfucking table and row!

I swear by Matt Mullenweg's saggy, filthy, syphilitic balls, Wordpress is a useful as a fucking sandbox in the desert! Fuck you, Wordpress, fuck you and die in agony!

Everytime people talk about big data/ operations research

Got a few Jira tickets reassigned to me because the dev who was supposed to work on them got stuck on another project. It's fine, that happens.

I open the tickets. No descriptions for all of them. No screenshots for those reported as bugs, nor any replication steps. No attached test cases or, well, ANY useful information.

I talk to our BA, he says that all information I need are in OTHER tickets on ANOTHER BOARD that business manages but I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO. Honestly, these shitfucks could've just done simple copy/paste. But nooooo...

So I reassign all the tickets back to their original reporters (business testers) with comments requesting more information.

It's been a week. Now I have no idea what to put in my time sheet.

Really?.. why is it so hard to just write the changelog?!

In a stand-up my PM and Client discuss about their kid's name. 😣🤐

Worlds most USELESS product

Spent 6 hours implementing a feature because my senior didn't want to use a 3rd party plug-in.

After said 6 hours, went to look at the plugin's source code to get some inspiration with a problem I was having.

Guess fucking what? Plug-in was implemented exactly as I had done it to start with. Even better, actually, since it fixed some native bugs I couldn't find a way around.

Went back to my senior, showed him both sources and argued again in favour of the plug-in.

Senior: "Meh, I'm not sure. Don't really like to keep adding plugins"
Me: "Why? Do they cause performance hits? Increase memory usage?"
S: "No, not all. But I don't like plugins"

/flip

We ended up using the plug-in, but I "wasted" a whole day doing something we scrapped. Guess I learned some interesting things about encryption on Android, at least...

"Architect"(A) - Hey, StrucN, we have a bit of a problem on the module you are working on (which the previous "developers" seem to have given it roofies)

Me: Okay, what seems to be the problem?

A: There is a need to add some functionality to it, we need you to ...

Me: I see, well it can be done but it wouldn't be so simple - the module is a mess and the change would need to be well tested

A: I fear the clients deadline is for tomorrow

Me: Well he'll have to wait, rushing it is the worst possible option

A: I'll talk to him about it, thanks

After around half an hour A rushes back

A: Hey I passed a ticket to you about the additions we spoke about, it should be ready for tomorrow

Me: It won't be ready, it's too complex to complete is in such a shirt notice (considering it's already the end of the day and all the changes need to be pushed tommorow to prod)

A: I know *programmer from useless team B* did something similar so as it is close to what we need you should copy it.

My inner voice: FUCK YOU YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT! THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY COPY PASTE SHIT FROM SOME UNRELATED MODULE! YOU SHIT STAINED MEAT BAG ALREADY DID SUCH A SIN IN THE PAST AND I HAD TO FIX ALL OF IT. THE MODULE SHOULDN'T SUFFER ANY MORE AS IT IS ALREADY A GODDAMN RAPE VICTIM!

WHERE DID PROPER PROFESSIONALISM WENT? WHY IS IT THE INDUSTRY FILLED WITH STUPID WANNA BE "ARCHITECTS" WHILE OTHER MORE COMPETENT FOLK SHOULD ALWAYS BE IGNORED BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SHOULD BE READY FOR TOMMOROW?!

For fucks sake I miss my old Architect, he could really understand the essence of program development

I am feeling useless. :/

Fuck you whoever designed this shitty database!

Why the fuck do you mix up underscores and hyphens? Plus MSSQL is a little fragile boy, he doesn’t like hyphens that much and you have to add brackets fucking everywhere, so FUCK YOU.

Fucking learn to design things or go fuck your fist while sitting on a banana tree, seriously.

Raging here, overheating really. One spends thousands on technology that is promoted with the catch phrase "it just works", yet here I am, after updating my fancy new emoji maker (iphone x) to 11.2 and then attempt to carry on working by compiling my code to test some new features. And...

oh, whats this xCode? You have a problem? You can't locate something? You can't locate iOS 11.2 (15C114)... sorry and you think that this "May not" be supported in current version of Xcode?

Let me get this straight you advanced piece of technological wizardy, you know you are missing something, you in fact know what it is, you can actually TELL me what is missing and yet, still, in 2017, you can't go FETCH it?????

Really? All you can do is sit, with that stupid look on your face, and watch the paint dry? Your stuck? That's it?

I hate you for the false pretense of advanced capability. and for your lack of a consistent dark theme so my eyes stop bleeding when reading your "I don't know what to do" messages...

By the way, maybe you can stop randomly crashing, or pinwheeling, I get that your bored as a machine designed to crunch numbers/data/code all day long and that for fun you feel you have to add some color to your subsitance. But stop it. Do what I'm told you can do, "JUST WORK" for once without me having to drag you forward kicking and screaming.

K. that feels better. Now for some whiskey.

useless fucking client bastards. i sent an email to all clients 2 months ago about gdpr and the impending deadline. Explaining that they need to update privacy and check webforms and internal procedures etc are compliant. I said I would help them implement any changes to their respective sites. Heard nothing from these fuckers... except this morning an email “what does the new gdpr mean for our website?”
FUCK OFF AND READ MY EMAIL, FOLLOW THE LINKS DO THE RESEARCH AND FUCKING SORT YOUR CUNTING SELVES OUT, I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING LAWYER.

How I feel about CS diplomas

"we can't add that feature, it's too hard to be modeled with UML"

...yes, it makes sense

To all people who write half arsed tutorials: A tutorial is meant to reduce and overcome the cognitive load of starting something new. If you can't explain your own fucking library in a way that somebody who knows most of the related technologies well can follow you without finding a question mark the size of the fucking mount everest above their head, then you probaby shouldn't have quit your day job at the porn movie theater.

I was going through the Absinthe GraphQL tutorial website tonight. I tried to follow the guiding thread, but I gotta say, if your goal was confusing the reader, you must have exceeded even your own expectations. A brain hemorrhage couldn't have done it better.

References and config settings are missing, the router and dependencies aren't even mentioned, and the explanations are bare of any possibly imortant or obligatorily needed information.

How is this shit supposed to be helpful? Making things even more complicated is a waste of your time and that of your readers; it doesn't help anybody.

Now, whoever wrote this useless tutorial, please go back to cleaning wanking booths in the porn theater you were probably born in and leave programming and writing to the grown-ups.

Excerpt from the dictionary of Shopware terms:

doc·u·men·ta·tion \ˌdɑkjəmɛnˈteɪʃən\ n.
1. arbitrarily ordered, falsely labelled, long-winded texts, stripped of all potentially useful information
2. synonyms: bullshit, garbage
3. see: 'tl;dr', 'missing the point'

fo·rums \ˈfɔrəmz\ n:
1. virtual place to advertise overpriced, unnecessary, badly written plugins
2. meeting point for bad programmers, spammers and idiots

back·end \ˌbæˈkɛnd\ n:
1. ugly, ill-structured JavaScript mess
2. see: useless, labyrinth, 'bad practice'

smart·y \ˈsmɑrti\ n:
1. confusing, annoying, third-class parody of a template engine
2. see: irony, mislabelling

I think thats wrong
(It says "Great entertainment")

I hacked the coffee machine at work and now I feel guilty.

Get an email from a client, who has been stringing me along for about 6 months, but ringing me up for advice on tonnes of different shit for free. Basically did his original website but his business model has changed to make his existing site irrelevant. Suggested months back doing a simple one pager as a stop gap with key messages. The bastard said no to that "just take it down for now and redirect to my LinkedIn page". He keeps saying we are getting stuff together and we hope to get together in September. However, yesterday he sends an email "we are getting a student in over the summer (not a Dev or designer or anything). Could you recommend any "web builders" so we can get on with the website in August. By that he means those drag and drop fucking pieces of shit website templates full of wysiwyg editors for creating shit typography. I give them free help and guidance and they think that I'm not going to want to smash him in his fucking face for his last email. The cunt.
I have an idea for 'having the last laugh' but I am open to suggestions from some devRanters, all legal of course.
P.S. I post quite a bit here about shitty clients, but I do have a number of really good clients who value my work and experience and have been with me for many years. It's just some that treat the profession with disdain and that they can easily do it themselves if only they had the time. These fuckers then wonder why their businesses fail.

Handy or Useless?

VSCode you fucking piece of shit!

Just got my code working and rewarded myself with tweaking some of the configurations. Coming back to my file and it's all irrevertably messed up with randomly pasted and probably some deleted code snippets.

How's that even possible? 😡

Firefox is a useless piece of shit on Mac.

Normal Compilers : i guess you missed a semicolon in line 63

Special Compilers : You wrote wrong code, useless fella, I'm not your servant to tell you all the errors. Your mere existence is unnecessary and useless

When you buy new laptop battery and on the next day you spill beer all over the keyboard making laptop totally useless.

Sleep? Pffff useless.

Less sleep = more coding!

What does air conditioners and computers have in common?
- Both become useless when you open windows.

var _self = Object.create(Rant);

Hello devs I'm back

A few months ago I joined a software development company and I was pretty specific that I wasn't going to do support or maintenance only feature development, well, this past 3 months I've been doing dev helping stablish good practices and a better architecture for the app, but guess who is joining a support team tomorrow, they sold me the idea of a refactor team, I was trilled and accepted, now they tell me it's a legacy bug fixing team, damn I hate this crap, hope y'all doing better

So someone decides that the employees need to do these stupid Web-based training's that not even high school kids should be looking into.
What is about ?
Security and Cryptography, and now event the real stuff.

What it covers?
Alice and Bob, Bob and Alice.
Alice wants Bob some pics/messages that she suspects someone else will see. DDDDDDAAAAAAAFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK

A total of 7 useless time wasting interactive and annoying training's, 20+ min each.

But someone forgot that please do not send this shit to engineers of your company, specially Software/Network engineers. Oh another subset, specially not to those who work deeper into the domain.

I'm getting paid to do this time wasting activity, and still.

I also may come back and remove this BUT FOR NOW I NEED TO RANT.

Doing a project with someone and find out that they don't know how to use GIT. He copied the file he worked on, put it somewhere else (using the Github uploader) and wanted me to merge it with the original.

Stuck at some dumb company event where attendance is mandatory. I'm supposed to answer technical questions if needed, but I suck at socializing with customers, and the sales guys are already chatting people up about the products I've developed so I don't have anything left to talk about. Not that anyone asks much about the tech behind the shiny GUI anyway...

Should i just leave? I doubt anyone would notice...

Just saw someone ranting in an App Store review that Snapchat is crashing for them so they can’t collect Snapchat flames and that flames are more than just a number.

World is doomed.

Avoid useless meetings!!

Question: How do i automate sales people?

When you delete a block of code that you thought was useless..

Computer stickers

Web version of whatsapp requires your phone to work, my phone is dead, fuck me.

They should spend money to make the web version better instead of dat stories shit that no one use

Yesterday I just turned of caps lock because the only time I use it it is accidentally...

What the literal fuck apple? YOU ADDED ANOTHER USELESS FORM OF DATA COMPRESSION??? NO ONE WILL EVER USE XIP!!

WooHoo, lets miss this deadline, fuck yeah!!!

Has 20 tasks last week monday, had 50 Wednesday and 51 Friday, as of today we have finished 1.5 and deadline is in 6 day, and shit is STILL changing. Fuck YEAH!!!

So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...

Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.

So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...

Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.

I really couldn't help but laugh when I found this gem of an error message. I mean, I'd literally know just as much if it served me a blank page.

If you can't describe your own god damned error message without calling it 'generic', IT IS NOT A GOOD ERROR MESSAGE!

I'm glad they informed me it's an application error though. HERE I WAS THINKING MY TOASTER WAS THE PROBLEM.

Yesterday me and my friend started a project. I set a github repo and said him to "If you make something with code just commit the changes to github so I can see what you did". After a while he said "I've commited something". And I checked what he did. There was 3 commits and they were exactly like that;

Commit 1. Test
Commit 2. Test 2
Commit 3. I wrote something

Then I said "please explain what you did when you commit changes". And he said "why we just upload the codes to the cloud it's more easier".

Today project is ended. Uploading codes to the cloud...

!rant

I have this weird super ability which developed over the course of last few years:
On a moving cursor, I can press and hold the shift key at the right time to select the code I want to without letting go of the arrow key.

Looks and feels quite cool.

When my teacher give me a 8/20 because I've used to much code in a useless flash project.

FUCK YOU VISUAL STUDIO! Fucking IIS site already running when restarting, reinstalling, checking port is open, checking past processes on that port, STILL NOTHING MOTHERFUCKER. Fuck I hate IIS.

I'm having one of those days where I just feel completely useless at programming

Sudden changes in requirements. Business now wants a switch for this whole fucking project. They knew this fucking months ago and decided to tell us now. What the frikkity truck I just can't even

When a client asks us to support IE 6 can we start noting that there are some fucking useless clients out there and that Microsoft is inflicted with more of them than most? The continued existence of IE 6 isn't really down to Microsoft---it's down to their useless fucking customers.

So, let's beat those people with a stick until they upgrade to Edge.

At that point everyone can return to fighting about FF, Chrome and Edge---apart from me as all browsers seem to support cat JPGs.

Brain power has been depleted after a long bug fix. I'm useless for the rest of the day.

A dev joins the project. I help him set up, and he has everything up and running. I give him a task to fix a CSS issue, I even tell him what needs to be done. Almost 4 hours later I begin to wonder what's taking him so long and what is he up to. He finally sends me a pull request with just one line of code changed, and leaves for the day, over 45 mins earlier than supposed to.

Am I the only one who thinks studying these types of shit is useless?

Autodesk + Linux is such a goddamn clusterfuck.

Firstly, they only release RPM builds for Maya, and say that they officially support RHEL and CentOS only.
No support for Debian, Arch, etc. What. The. Fuck.

Fine. Okay. Corporate policy. I can live with that. I use alien to convert the RPMs to DEBs on my ZorinOS installation and then found a script which does the installation for me. Cool.

Installs with a few library fuckups. Okay, no problem. I added the missing library versions (ancient libpng and libtiff). I run it. It throws up with some error involving licensing.

Upon searching it seems that Maya 20-fucking-17 can't handle the "new" consistent device naming system (the one which renames eth0 to enp1s0 or whatever). WHAT THE FUCK. Okay. Found a way to disable that. No effect. It's doing the equivalent of a boot loop with the same error.

Wow. This is the leading player in 3D content creation software :/

(As an aside, I did try to install Fedora 28 but it keeps failing with a TPM error. Yay for Linux distro quirks).

Useless

LinkedIn's private mode is a useless piece of shit.

So this is helpful...

Thought for the day:
How few letters can an alphabet have before it starts being useless?

What is the more useless thing you have programmed? For fun or for real job.

#include<rant.h>
#define useless unnecessary

int main()
{
Fuck off Zuckerman and any dev who codes such shit for useless permissions and especially FUCK YOU CLIENT for asking your dev to ask for all useless permissions for your fucking app just because you think it's cool ;

return 0;
}

The html error for when a site is unreachable due to national restrictions is the same as the burning temperature of paper (361)

Anybody encountered any bug you have been searching on the net for hours and it is like a nightmare for you.. then your friend comes and fixes it for you in seconds.. and then you just feel useless :(

This kind of stuff is what causes developer's to loss their mind. If you have to write a comment saying do not use a function, REMOVE IT!

What do programmers and Air Conditioner have in common?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Both become useless when you open windows

Anyone here felt the feeling like you're useless in your team although your doing your part?

And the feeling that you're not skilled enough?

I just felt it today and it's the worst.

I am really curious... who of you actually uses snapchat and why?
In my opinion it's one of the most useless apps out there and one of the best concepts to share all your private information with other people and of course the developers.
Also I'd like to believe that rather intelligent people don't use it or if they use it then just for the sake of not being excluded. Since this is a community of programmers I'd like to hear your opinions.

Found this useless gold from pre define methods of android studio. 💩💩💩💩

Honestly, school is useless for me as of right now. I know I should be well rounded and stuff, but do I honestly need to know the symptoms of cervix cancer while going into a tech career? My eyes have been set on tech for my whole life, ever since I left the womb, and I know that if I do switch careers, it'll be from comp sci to cyber security not from IT to med school...

I feel like I could really be devoting my time towards something better than writing a 5 page essay on a healthy food choice.

Every night I think to myself, "You know what, I'm going to lock myself in a room and write bash scripts all day" but then I wake up in the morning, and remember I have to take a quiz on reproductive systems, learn about the procedure of organ donations for driver's ed, write 2 paragraph definitions of vocab words, and read a book about communism.

The most useful thing I learned last year, was how to efficiently navigate the java API, and that's something you don't even learn, you just encounter it. Schools need to start having more specific specialties and stop enforcing knowledge of pointless topics.

I'm not saying to remove all core classes and stuff, I'm saying why waste space in our brains with something we won't use ever again? I get it, some people don't know what career they're looking for yet so you can't make them choose, but it honestly sucks some serious ass that I can't learn what I want to at school, and as a matter of fact, I can't even learn at home, because they're filling my schedule with pointless work because they feel that they have to fill our time somehow.

Point of this long ass rant is: Why lock yourself in a room and learn about something if it isn't something you want to learn about? The space in our brain is finite enough, why can't it be filled with things we're interested in rather than things that will only be used to get good grades in the future then overwritten with useful knowledge. Same thing with time. We have a very finite amount of time in a day, and now that I think of it, a lifetime. Why spend it on something that doesn't, and never will, make your life enjoyable?

!rant

What is something I can complete in a week (let's say 30-40 hours) as a newbie (I made an android app, played around with engines like unity and unreal here and there, tried some c#, and I always mess around with the linux command line, my RPi, etc etc)? I'll start working in a dual-studying job ('applied CS') in 2 weeks so I'll have enough learning-without-doing to do. I just want to learn something by doing something useful (e.g. a small android app that I can put ads in or sell, or maybe provide something for free that people like. I don't want to write my own engine( that'd take very long anyways) or make a compiler because I feel that'd be kind of useless and even though it'd probably be fun, I would lack initiative.

UK definitely has one of the worst mobile networks ever. Completely useless. 4G constantly gets disconnected everywhere

At my school library there is this system, made in php, to make monthly reports on student access, since everyone goes to the library everyone knows it and the guys who did it were considered the best of the school. So since I used to work on the library the director asked me to add some features to it, and I was like "Sure, cool I get to work on a real system", what I didn't know was that the system had no head or tail, the core were two files "load.php" and "db.php", everything was in those two files, no design patterns, no oops, safly that wasn't even the worst part, the modules were loaded through Ajax, which called files with lines like

`echo "<td>Student</td>";`

Literally most of the damn HTML was "echoed" WTH,

Aight, so today hasnt been a good day so far, yesterday I stayed up late working on a side projext im getting paid for coz I had to deploy today, i didnt finish because I spent hours trying to get the crappy html with some awful jquery libraries to work with angular, seriously this guy uses the bullet character instead of <ul>, after my cellphone fell during the night and I didnt hear the alarm so I arrived 1 1/2 hrs late to work, now that Im here I cant work because my pc says

The trust relationship between this workstation and the primary domain failed

Working on a very large project that has been going on for 6 months and will run for 18 more.

The day before our bimonthly meeting with the client the PM decides to walk out and quit without telling anyone. Now we're left to try and figure out what he was doing, as most of it was poorly documented it's gona be a pain.

So out of curiosity, does anyone here with a computer science degree actually use any of the non-programming classes you had to take for your degree?

All those damn hours studying calculus and discrete math (ugh, I hated induction).. Not to mention biology, organic chem, history... Ugh

!rant
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Today I had a call that could've easily been two lines in an email.
The call was only 5 minutes to be fair.

I'm actually excited for this school year, since now I'm taking my programming class. (I'm taking HTML, CSS and JavaScript)

I'm just leaving this here...

Visual Studio, it was a pain in the butt installing it, it took 5 mints to open in a normal computer, debug would eat all my ram and without resharper is basically useless

Today I've implemented two custom annotation and two validators for those annotations (Java). It's a huge nested object so it's not as easy as I thought to begin with. That pretty much the only thing I've been doing today, and I feel like I've added absolutely no value to the company and feels a bit ashamed not to have done it faster when I look back at how simple it actually was. Makes me wanna choke myself...

Rant!
What ryms my gears seeing those posts on LinkedIn:
1. What startups need to do to become the next billion dollars corporate
2. App ideas that will sell in millions
3. What every wannabe needs to know to become the best entrepreneur

I honestly don't recall adding other than devs and HRs 😒

I really hate data breaches. My easy to remember password is completely useless now 😤

Sitting through useless Friday meetings thinking "I need a goddamn drink".

Anyone ever wanted to fire one of his/hers absolutely useless coworkers?

PM just pushed trough another useless half-assed feature.

Typescript: All of your javascript code is valid typescript
Installs Typescript
runs typescript
Typescript: line x in function y has an error
Checking the function for error and the code is fine
After wasting an hour comment out all the linez in function y
Run typescript
Typescript: you have an error on line x which is commented in function y

ERROR IN A COMMENTED LINE :(

Why someone would do that?

int resQ = Integer.parseInt(String.valueOf(res));
//res is int

Whats your favourite completely useless function / code?

when an app is completely useless

My mom had no WhatsApp account so I registered her number as "my" WhatsApp no and used it to talk with my friends...
However, when she came to know this, she immediately installed WhatsApp on her phone and the WhatsApp session on my phone became unverified. Since I don't have my personal sim card, I registered my grandfather's phone no as my phone number and suprisingly, WhatsApp forgot to delete the previous chats...

Hmm....
USELESS GLITCH

How to sell a useless product
Include those words: #blockchain #cloud #AI #chatbot #machine_learning #bullshit ..

My IT department apparently need to "go and research" how to associate .xml files to Excel instead of Acrobat Reader.

Fuck the internet...
This is completely useless.

Moved to a totally new city to start a new job, thought it'll be amazing as the company is good. Came and saw a bunch of motherfuking smokers who smoke at the main gate of the office, the HR does not respond to my queries, doesn't have time to interact with a new recruit, and I have still got no company mail or email id. And oh, I have the entire GitHub access and the android code cloned on MY PERSONAL COMPUTER, the rights to which were given by the CTO himself.
Guess what, time to say bye to this shit. I'm moving back.