Docs!

How to get ANYONE to leave you alone, make swan-like hissing noises at them

To that nasty animation bug I’m dealing with for a week already...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my project go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.

Dead Line.

Bob?
Yeah?
Bob, could you hand me that paperclip?
Sure mate!
Thanks.

Oh... Bob?
Uhhh... yeah?
Could you also hand me that paperclip?
Right... sure, of course.
Thanks.

Bob?
What?
Could you also hand me the next paperclip?
Fuck off, why don't I just give you the whole fucking box!

Yeah Bob, please, throw the whole fucking box.

Wait, is that a printed screenshot of my code you're attaching the paperclips to?

It sure is, Bob.

If you don't pay for a product, you ARE the product.

Jesus, Lenovo, at least take me out to dinner first

Me: IT call center.

Lady: Hi! I cant access the shared folder!

Me: Ok. I'll try and help you out. Whats happening when you click on it?

Lady: ok ok... {clicks}... Now it's asking me to entered my password. Should I enter it?

Me: Do you know it?

Lady: Yeah.

Me: yeah try entering it.

Lady: YES. That worked! Thank you so so much!!!

Me: No problem. Have a good day!

F🤬k!! why doesn’t this work on the testing server!l! I swear it worked local.

Meanwhile live:

I imagine two dev colleagues sitting next to each other, on their phone, each feeling very secure in the anonymity of devrant.

How I feel as a developer...

Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

*me, 11 pm: "Welp, I think I'm gonna stop for tonight"
*Me, 2 am of same evening: "ThE eDiT fOrM iS fUnCtIoNaL aNd wOrKinG!!!"

Nobody can teach programming, programming teaches you...

Someone tell me how to exit this xD

Working from home today with my new coding buddies. 😁

That weak moment when I googled “how to invert a boolean”

Happens only in Bangalore...

Was working on a group project.. I ask my partner to give me the code he was working on. Expecting link to repo or at very worst an email

I GET A FUCKING IMESSAGE W 1000+ LINES OF CODE

Math problems ...

Well.. JavaScript has said so I guess..

In 2014,. I sold 0.17 btc for $87. I bought pizza with that money. It was delicious. I regret nothing.

Company: our team is like a family, everyone is valued and respected

Reality: We have a predefined power structure that will not be challenged no matter what. This is not a democracy, it's a dictatorship.

It's funny because it's true

When a website uses https but stores passwords in plain text...

When I started out with JavaScript without understanding its asynchronousity.

Building templates for a new design system.

Anytime I have to Google something. Which is all the time. I doubt myself all the time. Also, when coding our robot and it randomly shot backwards and ripped through a couple table and chair legs. That happened too.

“I need one fullstack engineer”

“Ok, what exactly do you need?”

“Javascript, Nodejs, C/C++, CUDA, Andible, RabbitMQ. Oh, and I need him/her now until end of February”

Don’t we all just love these kind of discussions?

Calling in the big guns to debug my code... 30 minutes later... 'Oh look at that little typo, better change that'... Code runs