What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

If you somehow managed to install Mac OS on a raspberry Pi, does that make it an Apple Pi?

I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

Actually finish a proj.... Oh I'm sorry I got distracted and started a new projec... Oh look a bird...

Like I said, teamwork is my top priority.

Okay I'm sorry

Call internet provider to ask about a problem :
costumer service: in order to help you, I need to know what windows version do you use, Windows 8, windows 7...
Me: I use linux
Costumer service : I'm sorry, we don't provide support to Windows Linux

I'm so sorry if this has been posted before! I thought it was kinda funny, and ought to share it with you guys.

"Should I use Mithril or Durandal?"

"I'm sorry, I don't play Dungeons & Dragons.."

"They're Js libraries.."

Fuck sake, because we needed more reasons for people to think we're nerdy virgins.

Dual Boot.

I'm so sorry.

Jesus, Lenovo, at least take me out to dinner first

"Opps.. I'm sorry, but you have insufficient rights to open this Ticket."

Well. You know what? I AM THE FUCKING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR YOU CUNT!
YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT RIGHTS to restrict me access to that fucking ticket!

"Oh. In that case, go ahead."

THANK YOU. FUCKING PRICK.

Reading through legacy code, only to discover the comment:

/*
* to the poor guy who has to fix this
* ...
* I'm sorry
*/

How many drones does it take to screw in a light bulb??? I'm sorry I'll go home now lol

Oh boy!

Time to apply for dev jobs!

Good thing HR is fair and just!

*submits résume*

"I'm sorry but you're not qualified. The programming language we use is listed last on your resume."

Welcome to HR Hell ladies and gentleman.

Heard this from a young lady today in the train while she was talking on phone:

"Software guys has the easiest job of all. All they do is sit in front of the computer and does stuff. That doesn't challenge you does it? No offence, I mean I'm not trying to offend anybody blah blah blah...."

Ummm Sorry lady I think you just offended thousands of people although you tried your best not to offend them.

One of the linux engineers gets up with: 'I'm sorry, I just pushed a windows server sale to the sales guy :/'

Linux engineer 1: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE D:
Linux engineer 2: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT @_@
Linux engineer 3: Why the FUCK would we want to manage yet another piece of problems?!

Engineer who said it: 'But it's still a sale guys....'

All engineers: THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE O_o

😆

Owner: We're having an 8 hour meeting on friday with everyone from the team attending
Me (in a private email): That's not a very good idea, it's very inefficient to have this long meetings and especially with all the devs and others
Owner: I know what I'm doing, trust me
Me: Ok ...
Boss, a few weeks later: You're fired. Sorry. Owner does have an issue with your attitude
Me: ...

This month's expenses:
- Computer parts to build a new computer.
- Separate video card.
- Hex monitor stand.
- 6 (second hand) monitors

I'm so sorry for my bank account 😥

This can annoy the hell out of me. When people ask me if they can have your Facebook or whatsapp or something and I'm like 'sorry I don't have that' and they ask why and you explain because privacy reasons and they go like 'oh you're a little paranoid are ya?'.

There's a motherfucking big difference between wanting control over your data as much as possible and being paranoid.

Fucking hell.

I just fucking had to.
I'm sorry.

IT: Its controlled via SSO, everyone has access by default

Me: oh i'm sorry, you are correct, I don't have an error message on my screen saying I don't have access. I made it all up. Thank you, you may close the support ticket

I'm so sorry 😂😂

Me: Sorry X I won't be able to continue my job search. Currently in hospital got hit by a car.

Recruiter: I'm so sorry to hear that hope your recovery goes well.

2hrs later

Recruiter: just a catch-up - when did you say you're getting discharged?

😐

Was just asked to take on even more work. Asked for a raise. "there's no room in the organization for a new position". Yes, but you can still pay me more.

I'm not comfortable enough to do more work without more pay. Sorry.

We'll see what happens.

Them: "Our phones are down."

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that. Have you notified your provider?"

Them: "My provider?"

Me: "...You haven't been our VoIP client for about a year and a half now."

I'm sorry for this one.

Life of an IT guy

1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death

Pretty much it!

I'm sorry, why is this a problem again?

Hello, guys.

I'm here is new. I'm from Russia. Sorry for my English, but i will learn his and talk you all about think.

!rant

A: "Hi, I'm A, I'm the CEO of X, we had this project I'd like you to do for me"
Me: "Hi, can I have more details about the project?"
A: "Ah yes, this is some kind of e-commerce for our start-up, we need you to do a web app, iOS, and Android app in 1 month"
Me: "OK we can do it in 2 month."
A: "OK we'll let you know our decision tomorrow"

(next month)
A: "Sorry we have to postpone this project"

(next 5 month)
A: "Hi! now I'm building this Y start-up and we need you to help us migrate our android app to web"
Me: (Looks feasible than his last project) "OK, I can do it"
A: "Can we meet tomorrow?"
Me: "OK"
(tomorrow)
Me: "Hello? where will we meet?"
Me: "?"

(next month)
A: "Hi! Sorry for not replying, can we meet this week for the Y project?"
Me: (...)

At the risk of getting people butthurt.
Why do you all have to post linux-installation screens?
*Look at me, I'm installing linux, I'm in the elite, I'm so special*

I'm sorry snowflakes, but you don't see people posting images about installing Windows and being like 'I'm so special'.

I'm sorry

Damn I hate when people ask me to stop coding just because Excel doesn't work or the Antivirus license expired, even worse my boss gets mad at me when I tell him that I'm a coder that we have tech support people, who apparently do nothing, to all the PMs and Lead Devs

Please stop telling me about the freaking deadline if you also ask me to install your stuff.

Sorry for the negativity, had to get it out

Do you have a spare usb phone cable?
I have but I'm using it to charge my phone

Do you have a spare laser pointer for my presentation?
Sorry, I don't

Do you have a spare mouse?
No :)

Sometimes things become a little weird

Do you have a spare keyboard?
No sorry. :/

Do you have a spare monitor?
:/

Do you have a spare computer?
what?

Do you have a spare mac?
>:(

Do you have two spare computers and one printer for each? Would be nice for the conference that we are going to hold tomorrow if someone need to print.
What's wrong with you people. I'm just a developer, not a fucking warehouse

Got a "Very Dissatisfied" rating from a user because apparently his issue took 30 days to resolve when the fix was applied in 30 minutes. I'm sorry. It took you 30 days to respond to my first email, during which I consistently sent follow-ups to you and your manger and I'm the bad guy?

(Sorry for the "screenshot", I'm using gentoo and too lazy to compile some screenshot software just for one picture on devRant)

!rant

WAAAAA I JUST GOT HIRED!
Sorry for all caps but I just got hired for a Java traineeship although I have a business management studies background, I'm super happy right now to finally pursue what I want!

Today is my birthday (25) 🎂.
Also I'm in the hospital because I had a seizure due to my body not capting phosphorus, it was so violent that I apparently damaged 3 vertebrae, sorry I didn't mean to write a sob story but am in dire need of support and I wanted to thank the community for being there.

Fake or not I think all HR should learn to be straightforward by saying "I'm sorry you're not qualified" rather than telling people "We will get back to you"

600years from that time, it's unlikely they will get back to you.

save us the stress dickheads!

How do you salvage a really hard question on a whiteboard interview?

Ans: "I'm sorry, I don't code on light theme"!

Via reddit user csquestions5583292

My summer internship adventures

Cunt Boss: you will receive salary and a bonus at the end of the project
Me: *works for 3 months*
Cunt Boss: *sends 60 fucking euros to my bank account*
Me: is that just the bonus?
Cunt Boss: oh I'm sorry, we have some financial troubles here and that's all I can give you

Thanks! Now I can buy you a dildo so you can go fuck yourself

I use GitKraken for managing/pushing to my repos on GitHub. So I always start off the day by saying, "Let's GitKraken"

I'm sorry everybody...

"I'm sorry I can't hang out this weekend, I've got an 11 day commit streak on GitHub and I'm trying to break my 18 day streak"

The problem with me programming lately :

Mom: foooood is ready...

Me: Will be there in a minute. (deep inside I know that's a lie).

5 minutes later...⏰

Mom: food is getting cold!

Me: Yes I'm coming, testing one last thing...I swear !

30 min later I'll join the table...The guilt 😩 I'm sorry mommy 🙏

Anybody else with the same problem? 😅

Hi, everyone! :)
I'm new here, and still studying but I am passionate about programming :)
(Sorry 'bout my english...:D )

I'm sorry. I don't mean it. This is too dark. 😂

Don't y'all (I'm from the south DEAL WITH IT) just hate it when you find an answer form to your problem on Google and all the replies are:

"I have that issue too"
"Sorry no idea"
"I had that problem last week"

Then the guy who asked the question says:

"I fixed it thanks"

CARE TO SHARE WHAT YOU DID SMARTASS?!?

I just hardcoded some urls just to make a deployment amd go home

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry but I have a special hate in my heart for recruiters.

Dev Badass Rant

There are two occasions really:

1) For our C++ project in the third semester, we had to build any kind of C++ application. Guys in team of 4-5 built record keeping systems and calculators and one even made a Tic-Tack-Toe app. My friend and I, just the two of us, made a simple program that plays Rock Paper Scissors with you. With the power od OpenCV, it used the camera to track your hand movement, predicts your next move using contours, and displays the winning move as the computer's move.
For example, if you play Rock, the computer would predict that you were gonna play rock and display paper as it's move. It wasn't perfect, but it was ours, right from scratch. When it worked at the presentation, I was swell with pride. 😂

2) I was interested in game dev so I started Unity. The first tutorial in Unity you find is the web series by Unity about rolling a ball. You simply make a platform and control the ball with your keyboard and the camera follows your ball. You also make pick ups and get points based on that. So I started there, finished the tutorial, added a few walls, made edible and non edible pick ups, dimmed the entire scene, adjusted the camera angles, transferred controls to mobile gyroscope and added a few other things and voila! MazeBall was born. It has only one level and I thought it was pretty shit.
I decided to show it to a friend and when I showed it to my mate (the one who I worked with in the C++ project), my other classmates saw it and were impressed. Like so impressed a couple of them transferred it to their phone and took home with them. 😂 Was inspired to improve.

R.I.P Mouse (2014-2016). I'm very sorry for banging you on the desk when I'm mad af because of bugs and when I'm playing online games with incompetent players.

Yeah, if my so called "friends" can just stop making me feel guilty for staying in with my son instead of going out having beers in pretentious clubs, with music blasting at a billion decibels that we can't even have a decent conversation.

If you could just stop; that would be great.

I'm sorry I have to work. I'm sorry I can't leave my 6 year old alone in the house on a school night. I'm sorry I don't have an army of maids to look after him. I'm sorry I don't have personal drivers to take him to school. I'm sorry if your family or your wife's family is so fucking rich you're basically a kept man and now bored out of your wits.

Please, just fuck off with this toxic behavior. We are not in our 20s anymore.

Thank you.

I hate seeing Bootstrap under "Required skills" for the front end jobs.
Why? Why is it REQUIRED? Why not "Bootstrap is a plus"?
I know HTML,CSS and JS well enough to be able to do anything without a framework.
I know it might be faster, but that's only is you want similar looking websites.
I'm sorry Bootstrap, it's not you, I'm just not ready to make a commitment yet.

!rant
I got a confession to make...
Sometimes when I find a rant interesting, agree with it, in general, have a positive reaction to it, I forget to ++ it...
Sometimes I even comment and don't​ ++ the rant or comment that I've seen...
I'm sorry to everyone who I didn't ++ and deserved it.

function checkBrowser() {
if(browser == "Internet Explorer") {
print("I'm sorry, you have reached the 404 error page. Please use a different browser. Have a nice day.");
}
else {
print("Thank you for not using Internet Explorer");
}
}

FUCK YES! I FUCKING DID IT. I'M FUCKING RUNNING I3 ON LINUX ON MOTHER FLIPPING WINDOWS!!!

I'm sorry but I don't have anyone else to share this with. I feel so... empowered. If windows continues to support the wsl, who knows how far they will get. This makes windows so attractive. I still keep using debian on my desktop machine but my laptop isn't so underpowered in terms of software now that I'm figuring this stuff out.

You know you fucked up when you had to commit with the message "I'm sorry"

I feel wierd when I'm trying to read the domain .nl

I keep reading it as anal

sorry

Someone says "privacy"
I'm like "sorry what was that?"
😂

I hate the mentality that our only hobby as programmers should be coding. Sorry but I enjoy crochet, reading, video games, and fashion. I'm not dedicating my entire life to coding. If that means it's more difficult to get a job so be it. I'll dedicate some time to coding but not all my time. I hate the kids i went to college with who would judge you if you github account didn't have green squares every single day. Sorry I just can't focus on coding that much. I need a fucking break sometimes. I can't just be a coding robot. Maybe im not meant to be a programmer. Maybe that's why I still don't have a job when I graduated 11/20 and it's 02/02 but fuck. I can't just be a program robot. (Sorry I'm a little drunk and sad)

Have you ever realised that @dfox and @trogus have most of our addresses because of the swag store?
They know where we all live! They could just come to our houses any time they wanted!

I'm sorry, I just sent them mine so I just realised that 😂

Finally, I'm full of joy. I just came home after long Recruitment drive and first thing I saw on table is this.
I was totally screaming "YES!!! YES!!!! THEY'RE FINALLY HERE" (sorry for caps). Thank you very much @dfox and @trogus and no doubt devRant is the best app I ever had.

Co-worker keeps cursing in Spanish and then smacking the table.

When it happens I have 2 choices:

1. Keep suppressing the rage until I can't take it anymore and book a meeting room just to get away.

2. Ask him to keep it down, to which he replies sorry followed immediately by "can you take a look at this?", which turns into 20 mins of teaching him how to use google.

I'm one bad day away from taking a swing at him.

!rant
I'm just amazed what 512MB of RAM can do :O
That's htop from my VPS I feel sorry for the CPU though.

It is running three docker containers:
1. Dotnet Core
2. MySQL
3. OpenVPN

I'm sorry I just have to -

AHHHHHH!!!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKSHITASSFUCKFUCKTHISSHITFUCKASS

thank you.

dfoxy, you may have noticed someone being stupid with your beautiful API for about a half hour.

I'm sorry, but I won't be making any more bad requests!

...tonight

a friend asks...

Friend: Hey I have this website and I'm having a problem, can you help me?
Me: surre what is it?
Friend: So I have this WordPress plugin..
Me (interrupts): Sorry I can't help you, your site is doomed

Hoooly shit, I'm starting to love my university.

Yesterday or so, they offered me a 1TB lifetime Google Drive account.

Today they offered me a Microsoft Imagine account where I'm able to get any Microsoft license I want for free for 5 years!
(In Portugal! WTF!)

Win10, Office 2016, VSEnterprise or community 2017, SQL Server 2017, Azure!!!, etc!
Wohooooo!

I'm sorry to all the Linux people, I'm a Microsoft guy...

Big project this week. Lots of fires to put out. Deadlines approaching.

Monday: I can get by on just four hours sleep. No problem. Will be just like college.

Wednesday: I'm going to just close my eyes while this file uploads. Maybe I will backup the server while I'm at it; Just take a nap while that processes.

Friday: Sorry if my office smells like vomit. It's because I am so tired I vomited.

Sunday: I'm not getting out of this bed tomorrow. Let them fire me. I think I will just will myself into a coma. That will be nice.

Interveiwer: Do you like what you've learnt so far from your course in uni?

Me: sorry, but no the things they taught us were horrible and outdated and I only think of it as a legal requirement.

I'm working for his company for a year and a half now!

I'm so sorry professional C# header makers

So
I wrote a song
About devRant
Don't judge me

To the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"

dfox and trogus
Had a very good idea
They worked on it
And out popped devRant
Then one foggy Friday night
They published it
It was an instant hit
Devs everywhere rejoyced

Now the devs love them
As they type out their rants
dfox and trogus
You'll go down in dev history!
(Like Linus Torvalds!)

Him: "No developer worth his salt puts each of his brackets on a new line."

Me: "I mean... I agree it's uglier but your whitespace commit means we git blame you for everything."

Him (upset): "You BLAME me? I'm sorry I have standards."

Me: "Not blame blame, git blame like the history view of the-"

....too late he reverts his commit and hates me for life.

I wasn't even disagreeing, I was trying to explain git blame. :(

My girlfriend's mom has breast cancer, which started spreading. My grandpa has leukemia and I need to finish my masterthesis this month... I'm sorry to bother you guys with it but I'm really not sure how to hold my shit together any longer...

"And how are you?" I said.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side.

"Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

"Dear, dear," said Pooh, "I'm sorry about that. Let's have a look at your code..."

And then Eeyore looked at Pooh with terror in his face, before he vanish into the forest.

He never let me review his code again...

Shame me later for piracy but I think i just found the goldmine of books and vid tuts. Has packt(books, vids) and even O'Reilly books as recent as last month. This good boye has EVERYTHING.
coderprog.com

I fucking hate Angular. I don't know man I've been using NoScript since my balls dropped and I feel like JavaScript is fucking useless (I like Typescript syntactically though).

What drives me nuts is all the frameworks: Think of a word, add .js, search it up... it's theeeeere.

I know I'm not the only one who fucking hate JS, and I don't think there are many people who genuinely love it. Sorry I just wanted to rant and it's 5 a.m.

Sorry for two memes a day, but I'm fairly certain we've all experienced a situation where we've wanted to use this response.

Me to designer: "I did the research and this just isn't possible to implement, I'm sorry"

What I actually mean: "There's a couple of ways I could implement that feature, but all of them require me to do sketchy things that destroy my integrity as a programmer."

Why did the java dev jump ship?

He wanted to dive into c.

When your Web developer leaves:
Is it too late to say sorry? Cause I'm missing more than just your <body>

Sorry devrant I have to fix my life before I can spend time on you again 😔.

Good luck to you all might be some time before I'm back 😢 but you are my people!

Good luck

I'm sorry for the colleagues that have to work with me currently.

I'm a melted piece of shit that can't get a single line down in this forsaken heat.

I swear I try but I feel like the new MacBook Pro that gets thermal throttled just by being launched.

Why are people on StackOverflow so fucking harsh? I'm a newbie programmer so I'm sorry if I didn't word my question to your specific liking, but you don't have to down vote it because you don't like it or you feel it's beneath you. Maybe give some pointers (without jumping down my throat) so that I'll get better instead of getting me closer to being banned from asking questions. I see other questions that I think suck, but no down votes!

How the fuck have I not been using GO!

What bullshit wizardry is this!!!

I think I'm in fucking love!!

Sorry php, it's been a long long relationship, but I think I have a crush on this hamster. 🥰

Windows servers are a joke. A bad joke.

I feel sorry for people who have to work on them and have that as their profession you never used Linux

If someone came up to me and said we should use a windows server for this I'd laugh in his face and fire him. Seriously. I would.

That's how much I hate them. Got it? Ok good ... I'm calm now 😎

Another day on my tutoring job

This guy who's got no idea about what is he doing here (I had a rant before), runs to me while I'm helping another student. He interrupts me, shoves a USB key to my face:
[Student]: can you do something for me? Can you upload something on my ftp coz I gotta go now.

/*Each student in out school got personal ftp and submitting under the right directory is usually a part of an assignment and cost grades*/

[Me]: I can't, it's against the school policy
[Student (annoyed)]: But I have to go!
[Me]: can't help you, sorry
[Student (still annoyed)]: So you're not gonna do it, huh?
[Me]: No, sorry
[Student (passively aggressively)]: So I guess I'll get a zero for this one.
And he says it like it's my fault!

And he walks away. Me and students I'm helping are shocked. The guy is in his at least 50s. And no common sense whatsoever.

A while back I feel asleep on the couch on the day of the state of the union address.

My deadass mind heard someone asking what the "state of the unit tests" was and I leaped up and said "there aren't any! i'm sorry, it's only a small project anyway".

Thank god no one else was there... 😂

If I ever decided to open source my work in the future, I'm sorry in advance to those that read my commit messages...

I ducking love this community.
Sorry I'm drunk

🎶 Simple Plan - I'm just a dev 🎶

I woke up it was 7
I waited 'til 11
To figure out that no one would call
I think there are a lot of specs
I just haven't received them yet
They are the only thing that I really need to know
Because I can't find them on stack overflow
And here it goes

I'm just a dev
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a dev
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone
And the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight

And maybe when the projects dead
I'll finally go to bed
But I'm staring at these four lines again
I'll try to think about the last time
That they were working fine
These things have business rules that I don't know
And they're gonna leave me here to figure it out on my own
And here it goes

I'm just a dev
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a dev
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone
And the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight

My team are so needy and incapable of figuring anything out independently that I've basically not got any of my sprint tasks done so far. So today I told them that I was working from home for a day to actually get done work done, but I'm on Slack if they really need me.

The only observable difference now is that instead of just bugging me, they start every conversation with, "sorry, I know you're busy, but..."

Sorry for breaking the protocol, but I'm not here to rant. I want to thanks all the ranters (is that a thing now?) for recommending Mr. Robot (the TV series). Just watched the first episode and I can see myself watching it all day. Be back tomorrow.

I'm sorry for your eyes

I understand now, why the dev community is sometimes called "toxic". It's because we are all just humans with different opinions (and some devs are a just plain stupid).

I'm sorry if anyone's being offended by this rant, it's just my opinion.

I'm sorry I just love my desktop right now :-D
Flat-remix-gtk theme is on point

I did a small car rental application for college a couple of weeks ago and I decided to mess with images 15 minutes before I uploaded it

I got 97% for this project

I'm so sorry.....

>teacher: you need to enable your webcam so i can tell you aren't cheating
>me: sorry but i'm on a desktop pc, i don't have a webcam
>t: what do you mean? every computer i've seen has a webcam!
how do i explain this to him?
(for context he's like 60)

Someone help me, this app keeps crashing on me. I need someone to help me interpret this crash log.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I just typed something in all caps to google and thought "OH, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell"

Husband's birthday. Out in downtown Wiesbaden celebrating if any german ranters are nearby. I suck at planning so i'm sorry for the late notice

Microsoft: Sorry, we were not able to upgrade your subscription.

Me: Why?

Microsoft: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm trying to give you my money! Aren't you at least good at that? Your loss!

Lately I feel like my job mostly consists of placing cookie banners, and calming down customers on the phone who freak out that they don't have a cookie banner and a privacy statement yet - OMG the deadline is tomorrow 😱😱😱. It's like suddenly everyone suddenly remembers they have a website. And of course everything needs to be done yesterday. Sorry, I'm not a magician.

I should probably kill myself, I'm so sorry.
30sec for load

Me: Can I talk to you for a sec?
Boss: Sorry, can we do that later? I'm busy right now.
Me: Sure.

And later never comes 😑

Answer honestly: How fucked would you be if someone would send the people you ranted about a link to each rant? (sorry for weird sentence structure, I'm tired)

Had to put down my dog today. I've felt real shitty before but this is my closest experience of loss I've had.

I miss her so much you guys. I'm sorry for bringing it down. You guys all feel like a real community so help me feel my feels and not just push it down.

i once ran into this:
// magic part starts here, do not touch

and this:
// i know, and i'm sorry

in legacy code. needless to say, i prefer undocumented, well-written code to all that followed

Hello everyone,
I'm new here. [OK. Let's skip this]
I want to know where to begin on my journey on learning how to create a program that predicts what a user will say next by storing already said things and by making specific characteristics for the users.

I know that I will need to train it with some data first lol.
But how will it do the prediction. I just need this part of understanding.

I'm sorry for my bad English btw.

"Hey what's up YouTube..."
"How's it going my name is..."
"What going on guys..."
"I'm sorry I haven't posted a video in a while..."
OR
* 1-minute animation intro*

Friends cause more problems than they solve. At least for me.

I'm currently not feeling well at all right now, anxiety and depression. I've never really experienced this before and let me tell you, if you're a person with problems like this regularly, I'm so sorry.

So my manager calls me in today and says "Congratulations for getting the excellence award, but I'm sorry we can't give it to you as you're still a contract employee. But hey you did a good job 👍"

IDK if I should be happy or sad. Or just say FUck my luck and get back to coding 😂

Seasonal depression is starting to kick in. I'm feeling like I'm not doing good, whenever I ask for help with code people usually just rewrite all of it when they fix it so I feel like I'm not improving at all. I'm almost to the point in my life where I have to move out and be on my own I'm 19 I still have about 2 more years but it's so stressful. My room is the most comfy place for me I cant be away too long or I'll just get depressed so how am i supposed to find somewhere i like more? And what would I even use the other rooms for. I want a roommate (particularly a friend of mine) but I'm not even out there and I can see the future depression I'm gettin myself into with all the Bill's and jobs and shit, and college doesnt help with stress or depression at all. I probably shouldnt worry about that right now but i just cant help it.. it goes by too fast fuck.

Sorry guys this is the only real outlet for my feelings nowadays

Dude I'm so sorry

Yes, i'm a programmer
No, I do not install windows and drivers
No, I don't know what is the best laptop for you
No, I don't know why your internet is lagy
I'm sorry, I'm just a programmer

So I just decided I'd hotspot my phone to my laptop (as I have no WiFi) and stream a film I've wanted to watch for a while.

Turns out my shite ass mobile provider wants credit card details to prove I'm over 18.

I'm sorry, what?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU NOSY OVER CONTROLLING SHIT STAINS! THAT IS A PARENT'S JOB, NOT YOURS.

fucking hell. What is wrong with this fucking race?

Oh, and I can't torrent it because that's blocked too.

Well hello my old open source project. I'm very sorry I've neglected you.

Lilo & Switch

I'm sorry for not being updated on undocumented breaking changes. It is totally my fault.

Devrant

** mike drop **

P.S. I'm sorry 😂. I love devrant.

Met a girl on tinder
She asked - what do you do?
I said - I'm a programmer
She said -
Sorry I don't date nerds :(

This place is awesome. I'm so sorry I haven't found it earlier.

Laziest thing? Switch from arch to Ubuntu.

I'm sorry 😩

I'm so fucking depressed. I've get 100/100 and 96/100 in the lastest exams but I can't keep going to the university because I don't have money to travel from my home to the building. I have to throw away my career and knowledge. I don't find a job in this fucking country.
Sorry for boring you with my shit, I had to write it.

i'm sorry but i am just FORCED to share the recent dialogue with my friend.

he bought a winrar license and got a 4digit customer number

So I'm on vacation in the Harzgebirge, it's evening and I want to watch something on Crunchyroll.

aEuGh We BlOcKeD yOuR ASN.

Yea turns out they've got the hotel WiFi on a blacklist.
Oh sorry, no-no-list.

Soooooo had 2 phone screenings with 2 different recruiters.

So all was going well with the first call until she asks me about certain technology, and I'm a little confused as to how she was working it, so I asked, "do you mean....?". And her reply was....,"I don't know, I guess. That's what's written down here." I seriously almost hung up the phone!! 🤣🤣🤣

The second one was worst! This genius had the bright idea to call me from...wait for it....HOME! I mean all I heard was brats in the background and they kept destructing her. She's like ," so how long have u been-- Billy! Get down off that, NOW! Sorry about that." I'm thinking, "what the hell?"(only seconds into the call) She continues, "So what's your favorite lang-I told u to get off that! Hold on..." phone goes silent.... "Hello, I'm so sorry...." Asked me more programing questions few seconds later..."I thought I told you-------" phone drops! At this point I'm trying to hold my laughter in. She gets back on. "Sorry, dropped my phone. Well, I think that's all the questions I had, did you have any for me?" "Really?" I'm thinking. "Nooooope" I say.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was having somewhat of a crappy day, I needed that.

I feel so guilty.
I had to make a hotfix today. It is the ugliest piece of shit code I ever intentionally created. But there was no other way. I swear there was no other fucking way!

My boss just assigned this to me. But because she thinks this needs to be a hotfix and can't wait for the next release we just have to change the server and not the client side of our application.
So I had to add a memory to our server so that it knows from which high level method from the client the multiple low level calls to it are coming from.
It just doesn't make sense logically.

I mean I feel like I killed someone. And just so that we get less writes to our DB. I mean yes in some edge cases it is a huge speed-up...
But nothing this fix solves is a new bug.

I'm gonna take a shower now. For like an hour

I'm new to devRant, regretted never heard before. Always heard about stackOverflow community.

Happy to be here, sorry for joining in late.

Looking forward for better build, fun and code share :)

Hey there! I'm a sophisticated IDE!
I see your trying to Undo your work! That's great.
Oh now you're trying to redo...
I'm sorry... I just deleted that important line of code. I'm sure it will be ok though.

Today I was working in a university studyspace. Some girl noticed my dark theme IDE, running some tests and such and assumed that I'm a computer guru. She then asked me if I could help her with MS Excel or MS Word. To which I answered "sorry, no". She might've just been trying to start something with me, but that was a deal breaker hahaha (seriously tho, if I were in a better mood I would have helped her)

Grandma... I'm sorry to tell you this - but your grandson is a super-creep. Don't encourage him.

one gotta love Cordova piece of shit -.-
Tested app on browser all is good, deployed on phone and that shit wasn't able to access internet, turned out I needed another cordova plugin for this shit to work.

XCode, I'm sorry bro you are much less pain than cordova :(

so many great fucking small or niche languages are ruined by shitty/odd syntaxes

sorry, but if you use the | character for function arguments, i'm not touching your language

for FUCKS sake

I'm sorry, why is this a problem again?

So i just quit legally gotten GTA5, and i quit it with a thought of "fuck this unplayable shit, i'm gonna uninstall it to make space for illegal cracked version, because that one actually runs in playable manner".

I'm sorry, but i'm not sorry. Fuck all of the anticrack crap that makes it choke for half a second every 10 seconds.

< 1 year of professional software experience - company: there's too many of you, come back when you have 3 years experience

3 years experience - company: those entry levels have now gotten 3 years experience just like you and now there's too many of you, come back with 7 years experience

7 years - company: too many of you, come back with 20 years

20 years - you: create sentient AI and order it to destroy the company. AI: sorry, I'm looking for an owner with 100 years experience, sorry.

Fuck.

Go for a job as an developer. Tell them I'm not UX/UI I'm more engineer / coder... "We understand, that's what we want"... Complete the coding project.... "Sorry it's not very pretty, and a bit off on the iPhone screen..." - fuck you.

This morning, i showed the communication manager how to use Photoshop (layer, image resize).

A year ago, I worked on the website, it has never been put online. The company's users never provided the content.

This afternoon, other people asked me where the site was, one year after!

I don't know whether to laugh of cry.

Ps : I'm sorry, my english level is low. I speak english as a cow speaks spanish.

float version = 1.8f
if (version >= 1.8f)
{
/*
Do nothing because you forgot
about floating point precision
you tool...
*/
}

I.. I'm sorry... I'll sacrifice some virtual chickens to appease the Gods.

Sorry if I'm just ignorant but: I see a lot of rants about designers expecting pixel perfect implementations of their designs. Is that for real? In my world there is hardly ever pixel values at all. It's not paper publishing. It's web, things have to scale. For an iOS app where you have a few known screen sizes - fine. But web? Come on...

And that's without even going into CSS or browser quirks.

Had a really slow Android programmer at my last job.
It took him over two weeks to add a slider to a screen, the boss comes over and asks why he isn't finished. The coder responded: I'm sorry! I'm bad at using the keyboard!

He got fired a while after and later we found out that he had only been copy+pasting code from websites.

Sorry I'm on my computer during the meeting but I can multitask I swear!

(I can definitely write code and troubleshoot with other devs on Skype, while you're talking)
I never said I was listening to you though! Lol!

me: "I need to buy some licenses for the `software package`. I'm just going to use my corp card..."

manager: "...Sorry, you'll have to go through procurement for those licenses...I'll put in a request"

me: **grumble** -- waits a week -- buys them on corp card anyway

6 MONTHS LATER

procurement: "now how many licenses did you need?"

In my second year of A levels in secondary school (college) we had to make a quiz game using Microsoft Visual Basic. Was my first time using the software, got annoyed within a few weeks and downloaded a template off the internet. The whole IT department thought I was some form of genius until I crashed the servers (in over 200 schools) trying to hack them 6 weeks later.

Sir if you're reading this, I'm sorry.

You know you fucked up when you have to finish your code for the 8 am and you are drunk in the street, point for me (sorry for the back bad English, I'm drunk and my language is the Spanish)

I'm sorry I know this isn't related in any way to deving but honestly I am shitting a brick over this referendum, I am fairly fucked if we leave

PO: "Hurry the fuck up!"
me: "Well I'm sorry but no amount of wanting will speed up development. Development is complicated. Understand that".

Non-techies are super irritating.

Sorry guys but I have to vent!

I made such a stupid mistake I want to kill myself right now. In short you can call it ignorance..........

I spent so many hours trying to find a solution to a problem of invalid signatures being reported by an OAuth provider I'm making, just to find that Chrome was blocking requests to http.

So it was not a problem, to begin with. Aaaaarrh........ I'm so mad at myself.

Work in the morning and here we are devRant, we have to quit doing this to ourselves. We need to take a break. I'm sorry, but you have consumed my life. The chuckles, feed refreshes, and +1s will be but treasured moments I have with you. Wait.. Who am I kidding? I need you! Don't leave, I'll stay with you forever.

I'm sorry, but I'm so fucking done with Hinglish.

I wish tutorials that merge the two have an indication of it in their titles.

TABS AND SPACES

Sorry, I have to say this. I get patriotic at times.

Asian Cup 2019, we Vietnam had made it to Quarter Finals after defeating Jordani in the penalty shots.

I'm happy. It's stressful watching the shots. It's stressful watching the match but I'm happy. We're happy.

And now back to homework.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist :/
Not a rant but...

Gotta admit that after being forced to code using VBA I started to like it in some way..

I just created a users table and added everything except two important fields:
1. FirstName
2. LastName
I only found out when I started working on my service T_T

I'm sorry, I have sinned :(

I'm sorry to say this, but C# along with other Microsoft tech stack is a crap show!!

*And now I'll be bombarded by all Microsoft fans in the house!!*

I'm sorry but Laravel is for brainless programmers who wants to be spoon feed all the time.

Laravel is maybe fast to develop and easy to understand but its only because it is poorly designed/written.

That damn Eloquent, if misuse by ignorant or amateur programmer, will definitely bring a disaster to the whole system.

Fuck you 10X developer. You create 5 PR's per day and I have to read through all of them. Then you proceed to ignore all of my comments and suggestions for improvement. And of course I'm the sorry private who has to find and defuse all of your sneaky mines.

I'm still in school and everyone in my class knows that I'm some sort of a computer/tech guy. And whenever the teacher has some problem with any of their devices everyone turns to look at me expecting that I would know the solution. Even when it's like when the device is not connected to the school wi-fi. Like how am I meant to know your wi-fi password. (And sorry for any misspellings. English is not my first language)

Sorry, but if you ask a dumb question over IM/Forum/Email/any-other-internet-medium, I'm just going to send you a lmgtfy.com link.

C++ developer: alright, this should finally fix it. Please just compile so I can go to sleep

GCC: I'm sorry Dave. I can't let you do that.

THEN THERES THE USUAL SEGFAULT WITH NO STACKTRACE AND I SPEND THE REST OF MY NIGHT VALGRINDING

Feature to spam people everywhere. A frigging set of apis where you can spam sms to people based on their habits. I am sorry for this shit. Even I'm not safe from this.

Family: why are you always so grouchy and grumpy
Me: because you make me get up when I'm in the flow of coding/studying
Family: oh sorry we understand we'll try not to do that again

Skip to 30 mins later when they repeat the same stuff and offer a cup of tea or coffee... as if just one cup of tea/coffee will do the trick.

The more frustrated I get with a project the less my commit messages are expressive about the code changes and the more the end up reflecting my disposition. I'm sorry to all future employees who may want to know what I did but hopefully you get a laugh.

A) "Why did you do that?"
B)<typing>
A) "Hello? I'm talking to you..."
B) "Sorry, i missed to tag this Commit. please see the commit history for your questions. That's why i use the DVCS.

Hey everyone. Not sure if we're allowed to do this or not. If not, whoops sorry. Anyway, I'm Vylcas. New to DevRant and developing things as a whole. Currently know html, css, and python. Trying to get better and figure out which direction to go. Hope DevRant has some chill people for something with an emphasis on ranting. Really excited to start using this app to see whats out there. Guess thats all. Have a nice day!

I'm sorry, how much space do you need?

I swear I get multiple emails every week from a person who's forgotten their password but instead insists our software is broken. "Account Broken, Can't Login!"

I've started just replying to these emails without even checking their accounts anymore -- or even opening up the system.

I'll say, "I'm sorry to hear that! I've looked into your account and it should work now."

I always get a reply back "THANKS! It works great now!"

Then I facepalm.

I'm rewriting my programming language for the third time. If any (preferably german, since the lang is german) peeps have notting to do, feel free to write lil ol me; I'll allow you to toucha ma spageth

(sorry for employing old january 2018 memes)

when you have to validate an email address to fit the requirements of some stupid mail software

(^$|^([^<>()\[\].,;:\s@!&#$%+'{}|~*="]+(\.?[^<>()\[\].,;:\s@!&#$%'{}|~*="]+)*))@((25[0-5]|2[0-4][0-9]|[01]?[0-9][0-9]?)(\.(25[0-5]|2[0-4][0-9]|[01]?[0-9][0-9]?)){3}|(([a-zA-Z\-0-9]+.)+[a-zA-Z]{2,})$)

I'm not even sorry.

-4 Domain Administrators in my organization-

Me, a Doman Administrator: "Boy, I sure hope the FDIC IT Audit goes well!"

Braindead FDIC Examiner: "So let me get this straight, you use your administrator account to do things on a day-to-day basis?"

Me: "Uhh, I'm an admin so yeah, my account has admin privileges."

Examiner: *gives disapproving glare* "And your personal account has administrative rights?"

Me: "...I'm an admin... So I thought that'd be fairly obvious."

Examiner: "I'm sorry, but that is unacceptable. How can we tell which admin made what change when?"

Me: *dumbfounded* "...I'm sorry, what?"

Examiner: "You're going to need separate accounts, 1 normal user account and 1 admin account per domain admin."

Me: "You do realize that everything I do while I'm working requires elevation of SOME kind, don't you?"

Examiner: "I'm sorry, but you need to make this change. Thank you."

Me: *stares at the short pile of braindead shit as he walks away*

"I'm sorry my dear new client but i was having a deep conversation with my rubber duck, I'll be right there with you"

- can you help with this Angular thing?
- sorry, I'm no front-end guy
- oh, thought you do node.js, no?
- *Facepalm*

I don't use Elementary, you know why ?
... It's too elementary !!
Badum tss..

I'm sorry...

My roommate just commited files for the last 15 minutes.

Now that's some commitment

Sorry to repost,

I had made a request for friends post last week, but someone mentioned my discord link was too far down, so maybe people missed it.

So here it is chirptune#1829.

Again, I'm doing wfh and having decent anxiety so I would appreciate talking to someone. I can also hear you on your problems.

So i was going through the Pragmatic Programmer book and i saw a name in the acknowledgements section... Alistair Cockburn... And my mind just started imagining all these scenarios where he was bullied. He has a great firstname though Alistair sounds like such a badass name and thats why i bet when he is introducing himself, firstnames only he just refuses to tell his last name i seriously wonder how he went through the wedding if he had one. Mr. and Mrs. Cockburn 😂 oh god this is so childish but so funny.

I forgot the fricking ON clause for a important database query. While it didn't crash MY program or greatly effect the performance, I feel sorry for the API that had to deal with the idiotic results of this.

Especially that one request I just spotted, where I just got the answer "the query took too long". That one was like querying the table "females" for males.

Soo fricking sorry 😭😭😭

I'm a php developer

I don't like
If (something) {
//code here
}

I like
if (something)
{
//code here
}

Sorry.

EDIT:

However, in javascript, I'm fine with the first example. I may need professional help.

I'm so sorry for the code I wrote at work today, that I'm going to rewrite it in my free time

@dfox @trogus

Here's another suggestion (sorry to keep bothering your team!).

When I'm scrolling through my notifications, it would be nice to have them colour coded, for example, mentions could be highlighted with a slight yellow tint, and ++'s could be not highlighted at all..etc.

Thoughts?