Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

Those unit tests can be commented out, they’re failing right now.

Fuck micromanagement

I was contacted by a recruiter for a job in company where I am already employed.

🤷‍♂️

CEO "If you make costs to build a home office for covid, please be aware that you can fully declare your bills, and you'll retain ownership over the ordered goods. Please all buy some good desk chairs and keyboards, so you can work ergonomically"

6 months later, CFO: "Bittersweet, why did you try to declare €35000? What are these invoices even? Concrete rebar?"

Me: "CEO told us to build a home office. I got permits from the town to dig a souterrain layer under my house. This is just for the foundation, the bills for drainage pumps, sheetpiling, geothermal heat exchangers, insulation, flooring, electricity and of course desk & chair will follow later"

CFO: 😳

(To be fair, I really did make those costs, but was just trolling by uploading all the material bills)

This is what happened today in our dayli:

Lead: We need to profile our software

Me: You can use the chrome devtools as remote profiler, even on prod, or make HAR files for later inspection.

Lead: Yeah but no that’s just collecting data on every tick, we need something like “has been called x times”

Me: Yeah but you can filt -

Lead: Yeah no, so back when I wrote code in Delphi...

Me: *oh god no not this again*

Lead: ... We could have clicked a button in our IDE and it would wrap the function call with the API call to profile that function ...

Me, to the secret dev group in slack: doesn’t a simple method decorator and node performance api help with that?

The people in the group: We had this topic last Friday all day...

Me: oh well *get’s coffee and ignores lead*

Sharing this, since I made this during paid working hours.

Something don't look right. 🤔

..........

!dev
When you have to change your avatars skincolor in devrant because you haven't seen the sun in ages...

Wonderful platform for the all type of visitor across the world!

Lol lol

.........

Difference between whatsapp vs signal vs fb msg

Get enough sleep..

Cleaned up my email and deleted 45k emails and unsubscribed from ~80+ services and added ~100+ filters to sort and auto-delete new emails. Now I have no unread messages.

Wishing all the developers out there a very happy and prosperous new year. May your code always compile on the first try and your age gets incremented without bugs.

Watching a piece (a Belgian TV series) about hackers

- Police IT dpt takes a burned down computer (literally burned down -- black from the smoke), plug it into the mains and remove a graphics card. To collect evidence from.

- A policeman from IT dpt is browsing some company's website (while at the police station), looking at their clients. Address bar says: 127.0.0.1.

- The police hacker is browsing some forum. She got the post author's IP and MAC addresses from that forum post metainfo.

<img src="awkward.jpeg" alt="Awkward...">
<img src="confused_jackie.jpeg" alt="Awkward...">

I couldn't figure out what the giant "C" was doing in my screen. It took me way to long to figure this out.

😆😆😆😆😆

😳😨🤣

RIP Adobe Flash

1996-2020

Writing the new software dev test for our incoming interview process.

Me: And here is where we ask them to parse HTML with regex.

Lead developer: You are fucked up and the villain of this movie, multiverse and everything in between, fk u.

CMS Admin: And I thought Palpatine was evil. That is legit fucked up, fk u.

So how does the the human brain ignore the second the?

lol, self explanatory hahaha

So apparently due to an extremely talkative x input driver and an error in a certain app, I've been running an emergent keylogger on my computer for half a year. On every keypress event, the driver would call the app, the app would segfault, the driver would log the incident including the event to /var/log and then crash, and the app would restart the worker. I noticed this when I started wondering why /var/log is over 100GB in size.

PM: That screwdriver you built me is really nice. I like how it works with all screws and bolts, does the work itself, etc., but I simply can’t get it to paint, and I really need it to cut my sandwich. Can it cut my sandwich?

PM: Also, since you finished it, the neighbor’s can opener doesn’t work, my dog got fleas, and our screw supplier ran into shipping issues. Fix these ASAP!

Bonus:
Also, remember that hack I forced you to do despite you telling me it wouldn’t work? Yeah it isn’t working. You need to fix that too.

Did I every tell you about that time I scared a boss (not mine, he was in the room) so much, that he was to scared to enter my office for the next couple of weeks? 😅
Good times 😊

Tl;dr: He was the reason I was working at max capacity and then he started complaining that shit wasn't working.

Full story:
I was out of office, building up a new site. I was the only IT working that day, others were out on vacation.
Suddenly I start getting flooded with calls from other sites, that nothing works. It is so bad, that my boss can't reach me on the company phone, so he calls me on my private phone.
Apparently all the servers are down.
So me into a taxi, heading for the main office.
When I get there I just start booting the servers on by one, because they didn't like that they had lost power. While I'm working, my boss is standing there, ready to help.
Another boss enters the office and goes: "I can't access Navision". To which I quickly reply something like: "Well everything is down, I'm the only one who can fix it and I'm working as fast as I can".
Two weeks later, another employee tells me, that the other boss has been running all his equipment off a battery backup, since the failure, because his power cord failed. He spilled a cup of coffee on it and therefore was the reason, that all the servers lost power (bad setup, I know). And apparently I was so frightening that he didn't have the courage to ask for a new power cord 😂
Best thing was that my boss never stopped me or told me that I did something wrong.

Microsoft edge is not that bad.

Saw this on LinkedIn