Morning conversation with wife.

As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter

She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.

Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.

She: that not funny, why do you always do that.

Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.

A little later.....

She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)

I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)

I bought a System76 laptop. They're headquartered in the same city where I live. In the "special instructions" section of the checkout process, I put, "I'm buying this because Apple took away my escape key."

This note came today.

Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

okay, I promise.

Meanwhile at NSA:

Alice: Uhm... Bob? I lost my SSH key...
Bob: *facepalms*
Alice: ... but i still have the public key! Could you please recalculate the private one for me?
Bob: Sure, give me a second. I'll fax it to you when it's ready.

Me: *wakes up from nightmare*

This is my main computer where i spend most of my time, please excuse the mess, didnt have time to clean up

Being a python developer, upvoting using ‘++’ is kinda awkward.

Me: Sometimes I talk to myself while debugging.
Me: OMG 😱, me too..
Me: Lets try pair programming next time.

Just saw a variable in C named like this:

long time_ago; //in a galaxy far away

I laughed no stop.

Website design philosophies:

Apple: "...and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and..."

Microsoft: "border-radius:0 !important;"

Google: "EVERYTHING MOVES!!! And most websites get material design. Most."

Amazon: "We're slowly moving away from 2009"

Wix: "How can we further increase load times?"

Literally any download site: "Click here! No, click here! Nononono!! Click here!!..."

Facebook: "We can't change anything because our main age demographic is around 55"

University websites: "That information isn't hard enough to find yet. Decrease the search accuracy and increase broken links."

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

I got flagged for visiting r/unixporn.

lol ok

Old but gold, lose my shit every time 🌝

What a horrible feeling when you pin a shortcut to taskbar then launch it and you find yourself with two icons on the taskbar.

That's it, I'm fucking done.

alias whios='whois'

😠

I am not expert but what kind of UX writing is this.
Do they think this is cool ?

😎 = me, 💩 = client

💩: "I must emphasize that I'm on a tight schedule. I need this done in 2 weeks."
😎: I cut some features and take the job.
As agreed, I send a progress report at the end of the week to get feedback.
💩: *nothing*
😎: He must be busy... I'll call him if he doesn't reply in a few days.
💩: *doesn't answer call*
😎: Time running out, still no feedback, I assume everything is fine and finish it a day before the deadline. Suddenly:
💩: "Hi, how's the project going?"
😎: "...good... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???"
💩: "Oh, I went on a quick vacation"
😎: *wants to die a quick and painless death*
"There's only like a day left..."
💩: "Right... Soo, here's the feedback you asked for"
*dumps 4 paragraphs of stupid nitpicking on me (rants following)*
😎: *wants client to die a slow and painful death*

Boss: Hey we got a new outsourcing project coming up, you know anything about python, sql server and php?

Me: Never worked with sql server nor python but i can learn

Boss: Good, next week you go to the client's place and you start

Me: aight

(week later me at the client)

Client: Ok, your job here will be to fill excel spreadsheets with those fancy functions

Me: :) wut :)

Client: Also our printer died yesterday, can ya fix it?

I think i need a new job..

Had to do a course on database design a couple of years ago. One exercise was about SQL queries and a bit of theory of databases.
On the night of the submission I got so drunk that I had to use both hands to control the mouse and instead of my solution I uploaded the exercise description.

Days upon days I've spent on making this shit. Now the PC doesn't recognize it as a fucking hub, and instead it's just a glorified LED with some audio connectors next to it. What a fantastic waste of time 😑

Linux is only free if your time has no value.

My type of train station.... Especially when my trains at platform 0 🚉

- Her : How’s your life going?

- Me :

Why do people say that PHP sucks and at the same time use Javascript? I call that being a hypocrite.

Especially windows

ironic

Made my day 😂😂

*food comes in at work today*
Fellow engineer: yum yum yum!
Me: apt apt apt!
All engineers: 😑

😅

when you check the commits to see who wrote shitty code