!dev.

Let Them figure it out.

Achievment unlocked : first time database delete clause where fuckup on a live database.

A client asked me to add a mobile phone field to a registration form and asked me explicitly to use their server side validation for it.
Apparently they need a valid provider prefix, but after that everything goes. This was passed as valid mobile phone number.

Under settings, we made a checkbox labeled “Run Program Faster”. The state was saved but it didn’t do anything.

We turned it “on” when people said things were slow. Usually they were happy and no one complained the “run faster” option wasn’t working.

My friend coded a "secure" storage for text...

Text to store:
Mysupersecrettext

Storage file content:
password=Mysupersecretpassword
contentcount=1
content_1=Mysupersecrettext

In the application it asks for your password. It even shows a message for 5 seconds with "Decrypting your secure storage...". No more words needed...

!rant

First day on the job. Get Windows 10 laptop. Ask if I can use Ubuntu.

"Well everyone else is using it so I don't see why not"

So. Much. Win!!!

What you have done?

Today a recruiter messaged me on Facebook. Week ago, I left a post with my CV on a programming group-currently I'm looking for a junior JAVASCRIPT (important ! ) /Node.js position, explicitly said so.

R(ecruiter): "Hello sir, we noticed your post with CV on group XYZ, are you still looking for a job?"
Me: "Yes, of course."
R: "We are building a new team in city X, remote work is possible. I will send you job posting right away."

Started reading it, job title is SENIOR JAVA DEVELOPER. Okay, maybe she sent me wrong document, maybe she wanted me to read just a bit about company and every job posting is pretty generic.

Me:" This job posting is for a senior programmer, I take it you're looking for juniors too ? I would happily take it, it's just I want a job to learn more things. Did you read my CV?"
R, annoyed: "Requirements for this position are quite clear, I believe. We are open to working with people with different experience level."

From there, she was pretty negative but I remained sympathetic and agreed to met with her boss next week. After all, maybe he has a position for me.

"Java and Javascript are similar like Car and Carpet are similar"

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

Co-worker: hey, can you create an email?

Me: yeah, who needs one? There are no records indicating any new people starting for another two weeks.

Cw: if for Stan, he started today. Also he needs a computer set up.

Me: who the hell is Stan and why are there no records of this person?

Cw: he's new, he started today so we didn't need an email or computer before today.

Me: I get that they're new, but what happened to giving the IT department at least 3 days notice on new hires so I can make sure things get taken care of?

Cw: you know how it is around here, nobody gets notice for anything. So can you get that email and computer setup for me, he can't work without them.

Me: I get that we don't actually plan for anything around here and that 90% of my job is fixing that failure, but hiring someone isn't like a system failing, people don't just show up and say "I start today" they have to go through interviews and background checks and other stuff, someone besides this person knew they started today so I don't think it's too much to ask that I get an email when the offer is extended to the person so I can prepare a system.

Cw: well we interviewed him two weeks ago and he accepted the offer last week, he's here and waiting so just as soon as you can please.

Me: well here's an email, the computer is gonna have to wait, I have a lot going on today and I don't have any computers ready right now.

*Seriously tempted to make them wait till next week to cover the 3 days notice I've asked for 100 times*

Me trying to debug

I hate when someone throws at me some task all of sudden with a tight deadline.

Wednesday was one of those days.

manager: we want to remove all the offices because of our tight budget this year (multimillionaire company, lol), everyone will use office 365;

me: ahn... ok, but everything was already tested? Some macros, routines, old documents can be a big problem, as far I know (I don't use M$ at home, servers are Linux, so I really don't know about that). I can do some tests, only will need some real documents to make sure everything will do fine;

manager: yeah, yeah, everything will be fine, the high management already decided, don't worry, just remove the offices in the company, ok?;

me: alright...

*me deploys the remotion script in every f*cking machine*

48 hours later...

manager: well... everyone is complaining about the office 365, random complains, can you attend all the calls and reinstall if you can't solve the problem?

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

[RAGES INTERNALLY]

True 😄😄

Oh look, a new fancy MacBook Pro 2018.

How come noone is talking about the extreme heat throtteling problem they have with the 2018 laptops?

They can't even hold their base clockspeed when doing compiling code. And they become extremely hot (worse then the last gen, which was already insane).

I know devs/creators/editors want the most powerful computer out there, but supporting something like this is just laughable.

Regards, disapointed customer who tested and returned the laptop after 2 days.

Just earned enough points to be able to comment on StackOverflow......I feel like crying....

the only time that an exception made me smile

I got flagged for visiting r/unixporn.

Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong

Filled with rage

Click new rant in browser

Rant until I run out of characters

Hands have not experienced such fatigue since puberty

Death-grip my mouse

Trembling, aiming for the big red Post button

10 pixels too low

Fuck

So I've been trying to copy images in an existing, writable directory. Here is a Patrick meme I created to avoid getting insane.

I'm a senior developer btw

Pair programming done right

To register for Facebook's hacker cup.

Fuck you 1:
I need a Facebook account

Fuck you 2:
I need to enter my address and phone number mandatorily. Because they'll send me a t shirt if I win one. It's not like anyone would not win a t shirt or not want one right? So fucking slurp away at all their privacy data any way.

Here's my address for you facebook

No 666, fuck you street, privacypolis, fuckington offville.

I've always thought that in order to become a project manager it was necessary a period as programmer (as it was a sort of promotion).
But according to what I read here it seems like a lot of pm have no idea how to/how long it takes to develop software... Am I wrong or what?

Is it just me or is every fucking 3rd "rant" tagged post not a rant?

I don't know what the hell this is, but my idiotic brother downloaded it.

I uninstalled it, but if it's malware, I'll be pissed off.

He literally just came up to me, and said that he clicked a link on YouTube to download something. He even said, "It's an invisible app."

He says it's invisible, because you can't find it unless you check the apps setting.

When you do recursion for the first time

I’ll tell you a DNS joke but be advised, it could take up to 24 hours for everyone to get it.

I have lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.