What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.

A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.

Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.

Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.

She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.

I guess... thats what they are..?

Me: *hours of coding, develops a feature*
Code: I'm working..
Me: Oh good.. will monitor you for sometime.
Code: Ok, I'm done. I'll stop working now.
Me: WTF

Me: *sits for hours to solve bugs*
And when almost done,
VPN: Someone's having a good day, I'll disconnect you now.
Me: WTF

Me: *tries switching on/off VPN couple of times..*
When it starts to connect,
WIFI: Oh wait!! It's my turn to bid goodbye now. Have a nice day sir
Me: Of course !! The wifi

Me: *restarts router/ troubleshoot etc*
When wifi says connected...
Battery: Good job with wifi.. I'm down now..what you gonna do?
Me: Are you fucking kidding me???

Me: *connects charger, wait for laptop to switch on*
Windows: Updating....
Me: *jumps out window*

Root ain't givin' no fucks no mo'

My boss just demanded that I join a conference call. So, I call in, and there's three other people there.

He starts chewing me out for talking with some vendor directly (their VP emailed me directly and asked for a few things, and i was instructed to make him happy). Apparently I used "confusing wording" and "did not talk his language." Bossman was really getting into gear for a ten-minute berating.

It turns out that the guy in question only read half of my first email, and totally ignored the second email where I told him everything was finished and live and working. I told my boss quite bluntly that the guy should have read what I had written, and that he was an idiot. The boss's defense of the guy? "Well, he's a sales guy." I just laughed at him.

Later, bossman started in on me (once again) for not making enough progress on this ridiculous shared-spreadsheet sales tool he wants, saying "We discussed this a week ago!"

I casually reminded him that we had talked about it for the first time ever on Friday night (today is Tuesday), and he had said it wasn't going to be a priority for the next three weeks(!). Again he stopped in his tracks. Again, I laughed at him.

Guy's a tool and I'm so done with caring.

Root's going to be flippant and angry. Root's going to have fun (:

What's he gonna do, fire me? 😂

At job interview.

They: What would you describe as your biggest character flaw?

Me: *rolls d8* I pretend not to understand the local language in order to avoid interactions I would rather not have.

They: What?

Me: ¿que?

Windows, you fucking idiot! You scheduled that damn update and now you have the balls to ask me what happened?!

I just had a client complaining on the phone that she read my database design documents and that they are all wrong and need to be done again. Because things like varchar and int are confusing. And nobody understands what they mean. She asked around and nobody understood it.

Ooh, and I should place the customer name in more then one table because it would be handy to have in several places.

Spend a hour on the phone trying to explain that these documents are not intended for her. They are not for her to understand.

I make these documents to build a stable product and in case something bad happens to me its easier to pick up for another developer.

Long story short.. I'm currently making a document that explains the database design... Getting paid for it..... But fucking hell. Somebody save me.

every friday

So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.

Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.

I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.

Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.

Nothing.

Let's check the mail header. Nothing.

Face -> wall

Fml I want to cry.

Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.

Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!

At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.

BAM!

It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.

I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.

Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.

Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!

Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.

Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.

Holy cockriders of the galaxy.

Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.

That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.

I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.

Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer

TL;DR: Teacher wants to invest in my company 😲

So, just this morning as I headed to class (still in school, 17 years old, from Germany) someone tapped me from behind - a female teacher whom I've only seen a few times (She is a really nice and friendly teacher who teaches economics)
She asked me: Aren't you the young businessman? I've seen your interview, fantastic! (Background info: I recently founded my second firm (Webdevelopment, Design and Marketing) and was quite often in the media (local newspaper, television, radio))
Quite unsure, I responded: "yeah, right".
Promptly she asked: "Is there some way I can invest in your company? Perhaps in stocks?" (Of course we can't offer stocks, we're just a small local company lol)
Me: "There always is a way I guess?" (I was extremely grateful but didn't know how to respond)
Her: "Great! Would you mind sending me an email with your contact info?"

What the fuck just happened. 😂

Me: good morning, what can I help you with?
Client: I THINK REMOVED SOMETHING AND NOW ALL MY EMAIL IS GONE. HELP.
M: okay sir, do you have the domain for m....
C: HEY WAIT IT'S BACK NEVER MIND THANKS BYE
M: Oh tha....
*click*

😆

WHAT EVEN THE FUCK.

THIS IS NOT OK

So at school the teacher gave us a MONTH to write a sorting algorithm in Java. I asked the teacher if that wasn't a little too much time.
Her answer:" I want to give the weaker people in class a chance."
Okay so far so good.

The day we had to turn in our code I asked around what algorithm others had choosen and if they had any problems with it.

Classmate A: "yeah we didn't know how to program it so we copied it from the internet and I modified it heavily."
Me *raised eyebrows*: "can you show me?"
Me: "but that's exactly the same like the first Google result?!"
A:"No look there , I added this line so that it works with my code"

That lying bitch just added bucketSort(myArr, maxVal);
In the main method.

Me"How is that heavily modifying?"
A:"Also I asked the teacher and she said it was OK to copy the method from the internet"

What the flying cunt is wrong with people. So you give us a month to copy and paste from the internet.
Yeah great teaching.
You are the reason why half the class can't program shit.

Thanks for nothing. 😒😒

First rant hope you enjoyed it.

Boss: I need to know how much resources a server would need to serve 20000 users at the same time

Me: Sure, can I see the webapp?

B: There's not one yet

M: Ok, can I see its documentation then?

B: There is none

M: But ot depends on the programming language, libraries used, what kin-

B: It's an e-commerce. Try browsing Amazon and see how much they nees to handle the page requests.

Me: *still processing* wh-

Boss: I have to give an estimate to a client within 30 minutes. Hurry.

So.... Uh... I guess i have to hack Amazon now?

After it was revealed that the Equifax hack was even bigger yet again, the US government said something that really made me say/think something in the trend of "WHAT the actual FUCK?!"

"This data is in the hands of cyber criminals anyways".

You run the biggest mass surveillance program in the world, sucking up more than a million terabytes every hour, then at least could you PRETEND to care/take interest when the personal data of about all your citizens appears on the Internet?!

Fucking hell.

Google is a bit confused about what "wtf" mean :-)

Me : hey, why have you taped out your webcam ?
Him : shhhh, they are watching.
Me : what ?
Him : what ?

TABLE BASED WEB DESIGN

I was surprised there were no rants about this topic before I realized it was more than a decade back 😳

We've never had it better! So to help add a little perspective for all those ranting about what is unarguably the golden age for web developers... let me fill you in on web dev in the late 90's;

JavaScript was a joke. No seriously! - I once got laughed out of the room for suggesting we try use it for more than disabling a button - (I wanted to check out the new XHR request thingy [read AJAX]).

HTML was simple and purely a markup language (with the exception of the marquee tag). The tags were basically just p,ul,ol,h*,form inputs,img and table and html took 10 minutes to learn. Any style was inline and equally crude - anything that wasn't crude could not be trusted and probably wouldn't render at all in most browsers (never mind render correctly).

There were rumors of a style TAG and something called a cascading style sheet which were received with much skepticism since it went against the old ways and any time saved would be lost writing multiple [IE version specific] style sheets for each browser just to get it to work - so we simply didn't.

No CSS meant the only tags you had to work with to create a structured layout were br, hr and table... so naturally EVERYTHING was in nested tables! JS callback hell can't touch this! - it was not uncommon to have 50+ nested tables all with inline style in a single page which would be edited without any dev tools or linting.

You would spend 30 minutes scanning td tags until your eyes bled to find something, make a change, ftp the file to the server, reload the web page and then spend 10 minutes staring at the devastation on your screen convinced you broke
the internet before spotting an un-closed td tag with your bloodshot eyes.

Tables were not just a silver bullet - they were the ONLY bullet and were in the wild west!

Q: Want an inline form or to align your inputs left?
A: Duh table!

Q: Want a border with round-corners, a shadow or blur?
A: That's easy! Your gonna want to put that table in the center cell of another table then crop a image of the border into 6 smaller images to put in the surrounding cells... oh and then spend 10 minutes fucking with mystical attributes like cell-padding and valign to get them flush.

...But hey at least on the bright-side vertically & horizontally centering stuff was a breeze!

!rant but a story

This happened today. Sorry for long post. A manager from another team in development team, I'll call him junkfellow, called me very very late last night to help them solve an issue in our application's test environment that blocking them from doing testing. They apparently doing integration testing with our application. Now said test environment is not even prepared by our team. We are development team and this test environment prepared by our application's support team. So I politely told junkfellow to get in touch with our support team counterpart as I am from development team. And he began shout at me

junkfellow: "WHY DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING CALL YOU? IT'S BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING REACH ANYONE FROM SUPPORT!"
me: "With due respects sir I have no instructions to assist you and your team in your testing"
junkfellow: "THEN WHAT GOOD ARE YOU? IF YOU DON"T GET ONLINE NOW I WILL FUCKING ESCALATE YOU TO CW!!!"

We all know who CW is and he can make some people life very hard and I didn't want to call my boss so late so I quickly went online and spent the next 4hrs supporting their testing. Next morning I told my boss what happened and he scolded me for not calling him last night. He dropped an email to junkfellow's boss about junkfellow being "unacceptable attitude, disrespectful and threatening to escalate my team mates". My boss always refer to us as team mates, not his staff or his team member.

Then in few minutes, someone walking like a school bully with his chest out came to my boss place and announced himself (he is junkfellow). I say announce because he talking like he wanted everyone to know who is he. My boss stood up promptly, greeted good morning, introduce himself, shook junkfellow hand and sat down. Still young, maybe in late 20's or even younger than me. junkfellow talking to my boss loud enough for most of us to hear. Everyone's neck suddenly long like meerkat and listening:

junkfellow looking down to my boss who is sitting down: "How dare you send email like that to my boss? We are both managers you should act like one, you have a problem with me then you talk to me. You don't bypass me and go directly to my boss. You didn't even give me face!"
my boss sitting down: "So you didn't even ask your boss before picking a fight."

*junkfellow suddenly look confused*

my boss still sitting down talking calm with poker face: "I did give you face. You think by going to your boss I bypassed you and went one level up? No I went one level down!"

junkfellow still look confused and then slowly realized what my boss meant. Now he is staring at floor and can't look my boss in eye after he realized he is screwed!

my boss now standing up: "You treat my team mates like that againi or ask them to do something without my knowledge and I will talk to your boss' boss about it"
boss to me: "Hey tollywood! junkfellow here sincerely regrets what he did last night and wants to apologize to you in person" and boss' poker face turned to his familiar smirk

junkfellow immediately came to me, said "it's ok you no need to stand up", he sat down in a squat and apologized repeatedly. He really looked like he was about to cry and for a moment I pity him. But then I remember what he did and I just enjoyed the moment! Was pure gold :D :D :D

Someone at work trying to impress me: I recently got a really nice PC! It runs Microsoft 10 and has an i5 graphics card and a high performance case!

Me:

When you're hard at work on an algo but forgot to take your ADHD medicine so the squirrels are fighting outside but need to check Facebook statuses and having a dance party to Cotton Eyed Joe is a great coworker on LinkedIn which is now coded in Ember JS is weird compared to Python and my pencil is a funny color and my keyboard is shiny. I forgot the punchline. I'm gonna have a bowl of cereal. What was I doing?

Someone just called me a hipster for using Ubuntu o_O

So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.

Some people will hate me for bringing up this old meme but.....

...

...

What does @dfox say?

I have to share because I'm so confused at the moment. After troubleshooting for months trying to figure out why my laptop would randomly go into sleep mode, as I was typing. (Imagine my frustrations working on exam projects to have the screen just go black on me every 30 seconds.)

Today I found a post on the Dell forums by another person with the same problem. Apparently a magnetic closure on my bracelet triggered a sensor to think I had shut the lid on my laptop. What. The. Fuck. Guess that explains why it would only happen sometimes, as I don't wear this bracelet often 🙃🔫 definitely the funniest and weirdest problem I've ever had with a laptop.

Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!

Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!

New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.

FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I now know another person's password without even wanting to.

He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.

1234567890

I don't even know what to say.

!dev

I find it funny to see how people very often go into defense mode (of those companies) when I call them (a select amount of companies) mass surveillance companies.

I mean, when you search for the definition of a surveillance compatible (or, surveillance) and see what those companies (Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Twitter, AOL, Yahoo, Paltalk), it outright matches that of (a) surveillance company/companies.

Then, when you look at the scale they perform this at (mass scale, mass amount of people/users), it fits the definition of a mass surveillance company...

No matter how you turn it, those companies are, per definition, (mass) surveillance companies (apart from the fact that they're integrated within worlds biggest created government powered mass surveillance program ever).

OMFG it happened again. I'm always very explicit with recruiters that I don't take full time employment while I'm studying. This one was very understanding about it and said he found a great match for my skillset.

I just had a meeting with the CEO of this great match of a company.
- "No, we only seek people who can work full time, let's keep in touch when you've graduated".

What the fuck, way to waste everyones time.

Every single time I try to find a solution to a problem I'm having....
Who were you? What did you see?

We found out today that one of our customers uses our cloud software through a remote desktop with IE on Windows XP. What the fuck? They are a multinational corporation with God knows how much revenue a year, and they still use XP???
We found out because logging in didn't work anymore for them, so they sent a screenshot. 😶

> le server suddenly stops working, no boot, no POST, no beeps, no video
*le frantic cursing on how perhaps that's why the fucking thing was only €60 🤬*
*takes out RAM*
> le server still not booting
*places RAM back without doing anything else*
> le server boots up again

🤔🤔🤔
Is this what they mean with things like "compile it again and somehow the compiler will not complain anymore after a while"?

Someone call a dev, this website is sick!
I'm talking about the website of the German train company (Deutsche Bahn).
Their ticket information and selling module has not being feeling well for a couple of days now.
Symptoms include:
- error 500 pages when trying to find a connection through their search
- not being able to book tickets
- being able to book tickets, but receiving them twice
- being charged twice for one ticket
- not being able to download tickets you bought
Suggested treatment: If you were charged too much, you have to send them a letter by postal mail to get your money back.
Or buy a ticket directly at the train station.
What year is this? 🤔😐

Y'know what I can't understand? People who knock and literally immediately come in. THEN WHATS THE FUCKING POINT OF KNOCKING

Me when typing in dark on my non-backlit keyboard:

"Hiw tp di tjid tjing "

Me when typing in light on my non-backlit keyboard WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT:

"How to do this thing "

I mean what the fuck mr.brain !!

Just wow. I am amazed by what just happened.

A year ago my parents decided to switch from desktop to laptop for convenience. Knowing their needs, i bought them one without an OS and installed Ubuntu 16.04 on it. The thing is that if you do a regular maintenance of the laptop once a year at their partner company, you get additional 4 years of warranty (this offer is amazing).

So today was the day I brought the laptop for this maintenance for the first time. They make you a profile on their support website where you can track shit regarding your device, super convenient. First thing I notice that the login page was not https. Awkward, but there is no sensitive data here so i let it pass. Naturally i forgot my password, so I requested a new one and guess what? I recieved it in plaintext via mail. A tech repair oriented company does this, my god.

I went there, gave them the laptop in question and got a piece of paper, where they wrote that the laptop is in their hands now, and the current physical state of the laptop, and blabla.

I got home and I read what the guy wrote among other things: THE OPERATING SYSTEM IS NOT LEGAL.

How the fuck is Ubuntu not legal??? What the fuck is this shit? I sure as hell didn't torrent it or bought a booteged copy on the streets.

"Oh you're a programmer? Can you fix my fridge?"

WHAT?

Storytime
A story about an Android TVbox which decided to become an iPad

Several years ago we've bought an android tv-box. 

It served me and my family well for several years.

Specs are not that important in this story, but there they are:

Android 4.4 
1GB RAM
Amlogic quadcore 1.4HGz
8GB memory.

This device served us well - online TV, browsing, music, file sharing and so on. But recently cheap Chinese memory deciteed to take a break and damaged ROM. Because of that device won't boot. The only option was to take it apart and "short circuit" certain legs on memory chip and make it boot from SD card and install new firmware. After such operations tv-box worked well again. 

Hoverer, memory glitched again and again and this algorithm was repeated for several months.

But that is not what is this story about.

One day memory went completely crazy and there was no way to install new firmware on it. It just hanged on install. (BTW, it was official firmware for this device)

But after countless attempts it finally worked! It installed the firmware and booted into launcher and connected to WiFi! 

But now comes the most interesting part. 

It was not android anymore.

It decided to became an iPad.

My dad logged in to his Google account via tv-box and got mail that someboby connected from our IP via iPad (we don't have an iPad) and using safari browser! Stock browser is not safari browser.....

"Ok, nvm, crazy glitch." - we thought.

But preinstalled play marked wont launch. Because he told us, that we're trying to connect from iPad.

And Google chrome page suggested to download chrome for iPad

And everything was acting like it is an iPad.

OK, downloaded iTunes, why not??? ._.

Tried to install elixir for android via apk from flash, but then memory glitched one more time, everything went black and tv-box had damaged ROM again...

After that we decided to not torment it anymore...

That's it. Poor Android TVbox that all his life dreamed to become an iPad. Rest in peace.

My mentor is a GOD. He's a workaholic. He knows everything. The only fucking thing he doesn't know is that his MENTEES ARE NOT HIS FUCKING SLAVES.

teaching myself pointers right now

here is my learning process right now:
1. what even is this
2. wow this is neat
3. why does this even exist
4. what even is this
5. repeat

I have no idea what I'm doing

What the hell @Apple
I know autocorrect / suggestions is getting worse every day but this doesn’t even remotely come close ☠️

Can you hack facebook?! (been asked this by classmates in CS class, multiple times by different people)

(Needs to quickly research something)
A = me
A: Can I borrow someones internet (hotspot)
B: Yeah sure, but it's only for facebook
A: -_- *sigh*

Can you pirate Windows/Word/Adobe thing for me? (asked gazilions of times even by family members, fuck off! Will you?)

A = me
B = my grandpa
*TV looses signal because fucking blizard outside*
B: A! Stop fucking with my TV, come and fix this!
A: What's the problem?
B: I can't find *some channel*.
A: B, there's a blizzard outside.
B: No it was you fucking with it.
A: *sigh* (proceeds to fix his crap, oh wait I can't) It's gonna be fixed tomorrow.
(I didn't even look at the TV more than 2 minutes monthly)
Guess what, it fucking works again.

Here's a different scenario:
B still can't access the channel because he's been fucking with the settings, again.
B: A! Come here, right now.
A: What is it this time!
B: You broke it, now fix it.
A: *silent uuuuggghhhhh*
B: Now!
A: *does a channel scan* *waits 30 minutes waiting for it* Done!
B: Don't fuck with my stuff ever again!
....so this is the kind of people I have to tolerate, every single day.

A = my dad (who knows a bit but not too much, you'll see, buisness guy 9000, does paperwork every day)
B = me or my brother

A: *comes raging at A's door, looks like he's gonna ground A* STOP PUTTING FUCKING GAMES ON THE FAMILY COMPUTER!
B: Why do you have a problem with games?
A: Cause I need to do *some important shit, probably that needs a basic spreadsheet software*
B: Can't you do it on the mac?
A: It doesn't have Word©®™!
B: But it does Libreoffice, right?
A: I can't. *he can, he's just being lazy with learning new stuff*
B: Can't you use my laptop?
A: It's Linux.
(fuck)
B: Can't you use my brothers laptop?
A: It's filled with games.
(he hates games with a burning fucking passion)
B: Fine, let me take a look at the computer.
(A uninstalled crap that took me multiple hours to install, but not only that he deleted some of my work)
B: *silent what the shit?!*
A: WHAT WAS THAT?!
B: nothing, phew.
(A also installed shadyware that some random coworker suggested him from a random ass ad, meanwhile I keep the PC's pure with known stable software (which are gone btw))
B: *Spends the whole day removing the fucking disgust that one program fucking caused (sometimes even the fucking registry, eww)*
A: I had to wait all day for this shit. Don't fuck with my the PC ever again!!!

Fucking hell am I just unlucky or what?

:D :D :D

What if this was the real meaning behind JAVA:
Just
A
Violent
Algorithm

Oh my fucking god... I am looking at this code written by a previous developer and he put the passwords in plain in an array in a PHP file, like WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING? (btw that's also how he checks the password, just check whether it's in the array)

c'mon pls

"Error: Did not return an error"

This is what you write at 4 in the morning.

Has anyone ever hit ok to some dialogue box and then wonder what it said?

Found a comment in the code today:

/*
* Method: Import
* Purpose: Handle all the export
*/

Disclaimer: searching for a self hosted Spotify alternative but haven't found one yet so suggestions are very welcome!

I really don't get how spotify's music algorithms or whatever the fuck you'd call those (you get what I mean) work.

- Whenever I click on the button which should make a song not appear in my daily mix anymore, I hear it again within a fucking day.

- how the fuck does the getting you new songs which you might like work?! I'm a huge rawstyle fan and mostly listen to, surprise surprise, rawstyle.
Then why in the living fuck keeps Spotify coming up with euphoric/melodic hardstyle tracks?! I like those sometimes but only *sometimes*.

More and more often I have to skip through 20-30+ songs to get one raw song instead of a fucking euphoric one.

Replies from their support are non existent.

It's getting so fucking annoying.

Our PM is on vacation. And our CTO/CEO takes control of the PM role.

So today he decided it was time to just start a customer change request. Regardless of the customer not having approved the actual solution and estimate.

He just said that he did not want to waste any more time talking to the customer. Now they are gonna get what ever he thinks they want.

I predict this to backfire in a fabulous way. What could possible go wrong🤔

Just set a cron on a coworkers machine to play "What does the fox say" at max volume at 8 when he's the only one here.

May need to review the security footage in the morning.

Got a new job this week with a huge raise at an awesome new company! It's wonderful being paid what you're worth! Now if the current company can just fire me so I can have a two week vacation, that'd be great.

Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.

Me: I know

Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job

Me: I dont do IT

Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.

Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*

I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?

Tutorials on the Internet.
They say you have to enter a 12 Character long hexadecimal number.
AND THEN THEY PUT A "G" IN THERE?
WHAT? ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?

When my code becomes a pixar's movie...

I don't go to the doctor and tell him what tools to use. I was just told to delete the .scss files because they were taking up too much room and to put all partials and images at root instead of in descriptive folders.

What do you think you do?

We all make mistakes

Boss: Hey, want a job?

Me: No, i don't feel qualified or comfortable to do your job, it's best for you to hire someone else.

Boss: It's fine you'll have time to learn!

Me: Fine, i guess it's a good opportunity.

Boss: Very well, would you work with this database that is what holds our company together and also work with other people's credit card information, oh by yourself of course.

Me: I don't feel comfortable working with that, but i can link your site to your database, since it's something you wanted.

Boss: Well that's ok, you start next week.

~Middle of next week, had a reunion to talk about making the site from the start, using none of the old site (which runs with Joomla!).

me: I can use a ready HTML template to speed things up (i'm a beginner, and i have experience only with backend), and editing it is easy ~showed them the models i've made.

random employee: I have the design of the site all ready, you'll only need to code.

me: Ok, in which format it is? Did you use a IDE or something?

ramdom employee: It's on .psd, i made it on Photoshop.

me: ok... so i'll have to write down all the frontend?

random employee: yes you'll only have to code.

me: Ok, so we'll need to write down our priorities.

Boss comes up with never once discussed feature, and asks me to take care both of their database system (which, as stated by him: "If that systems fail our whole business is gone") and the site, all by myself, and asks how much time for the site to be ready.
me: If i get it online with only a few features and updates it as times goes by... i say maybe 2 months.
Boss: What, all that time?

EXCUSE MOI WHAT THE FUCK

I know how important a first job is, but they're going to pay me R$5.4/hour (1.4U$/H), and i have NO TEAM! How would that even count as experience, without teamwork? or git? and for god's sake they want me to do and take care of everything! They didn't even let me start working at all, since even the reunions is just me explaining how everything works.

I'm sick of it already, but i keep telling myself i can't lose the opportunity. I'M GOING TO BLOW UP!

*finishes university exams*

*gets to code after a long time*

*cannot remember what the code does that was written a few weeks back*

Fuck 😓

What manner of imbecile writes a password reset function that passes the email and password as god damn query parameters, in the email link....

I have a VPS for under a year from Digital Ocean. No idea what to do with it.

Specs:
20GB Disk
512MB RAM
Debian 8.9 x64
A spare domain from Namecheap
IP: 127.0.0.1

Ideas?

Me: So, tell me more about what you want me to code.
Friend: Well... Do something nice.
Me: Like?
Friend: I don't know, I thought you're the expert...
Me: You motherf...

What can I say :))

Me : *writes a clean class to write logs into event viewer with different categories, and useful information for debug*
Boss: “I’m not a developer but I think that’s useless, just create a log table on a sql server and put everything there.”

I’m asking myself what keeps me here. What, the holy Christ’s butthole fuck, keeps me fucking glued to this chair.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

My co-workers just tried to convince me that the following is a secure password:

"ThisIsASecurePassword2018"

Just... I mean... Why? *sigh*

Their argumentation is based on the new NIST guidelines.

If they've read these guidelines CAREFULLY though... (not only the appendix) it actually states "Don't use words from the dictionary". Passwords like these should even be rejected right away.

I love it!!!

This guest at our house was checking out the whiteboard in my room. It had some JavaScript code i wanted to keep in mind and some ReactJs stuff

Him: you know, I can recommend you a book, if you're into reading?
Me: well, I don't have that much time to read, I prefer online tutorials

(We're interrupted at that point)
(Later at dinner)

Me: which book were you gonna recommend me btw
Him: there's this psychology book I'm reading...
Me: oh.

Friend: Hey, so what do you do?

Me: I build backend systems and apis. I work with java/mongodb. I dable into some elixir and kotlin on my free time.

Friend: Cool, can you build me an Android app?

does !important mean not important?
humm :/

I enjoy listening to Metalcore while coding. It really helps me calm down and focus/concentrate (the irony of that whilst having someone scream right into my ears 😂). It also helps me chill and regulate my emotions better. Am I weird? What helps you focus and code better?

working on legacy code and saw this:

@records = unpublished_collection.published

Wait, what?

GUYS I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE:

Apparently Windows Explorer is an internet browser and a lot of websites only work on it

I fucking hate this dude, he CLEARLY doesn't know what he's talking about

What if we were the AI created by God to automate repetitive tasks and now we are making AI to automate those repetitive tasks and this goes on and on until the world gets a stack overflow.

Modern, innovative, cutting edge company seeking XHTML developer...

Android? You drunk?

The FCC Chairman is going ahead with his plan to repeal net neutrality despite objections from fellow commissioners, the CTO, more than a hundred members of Congress, senators and of course, the people.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy? How far up your own fucking ass does your head have to be to ignore basically everyone's vote against you? What the fuck. This guy is a really piece of fucking work. I hope this bounces back to bite him in the ass real hard.

So just last night I dreamt that just got married to this guy (who in real life broke up with me to pursue the priesthood) and we were in the middle of consummating our marriage when I couldn't help but think of this OutOfMemoryError problem I was having at work.

Then I told him to stop and I got dressed so I can bike to work and work on the problem. But he takes another bike and goes to work with me despite not being an employee to that place himself. He pair programs with me, saying all this developer jargon (he doesn't code, he is a chemist) telling me to remove all the anonymous classes that I did, tells me to resort to reactive programming, whips up a ThinkPad from nowhere, and begins to code with me. On occasion he yeets at me for making some code smells in my pull requests. We argue and bicker over politics, technology, and philosophy for most of the pair programming session then later I find him nibbling at my ears, my neck and getting frisky.

But we managed to solve the memory leak, and then some other weird tasks in that app God knows what it's for.

By the time we were done it was daylight and we were in our wedding clothes sans my veil. My coworkers, who were clocking in for the day, were surprised to see me and my new husband but they were happy to see us anyway.

We took the cab home, and that cab took us through a jungle and a steep hill just to get us back into our hotel room whose interior turned into my condo. (But in real life, my condo is still under construction.)

And then a beagle greeted us on our doorstep. I don't have a dog.

Asked my boss what a public and private key is. His response?
Boss: A private key is the key to your house and a public key is a key to the toilets.

Hey guys I just installed Arch Linux and a desktop environment, I don't know what to do with my life now...

So I've got this raspberry pi 3 and no inspiration what to use it for.. and it bugs me, just sitting there taunting me: -"you aren't very creative are you?" So.. ideas and suggestions?

The new guy:

- I'm a big fan of effectiveness and efficiency. The faster can you do the task - the better.

- naah, typing in the terminal is soo inefficient. Typing, remembering commands, parameters, paths... That's such a drag! Such a lag! Having a button I could click to do the job is far better!

- OSS is the root of all the evil!

- I'd like to try linux once again. I like it, hopefully I won't need to spend another couple of weeks setting up dual-gpu power management and searches for an Intel wifi's dual-antennae driver.

- I need a bluetooth mouse for my laptop. Using trackpoint or a touchpad is a nonsense [I agree abt the trackpoint]. Using a keyboard/typing for navigation?!? That's utter nonsense!

- I'd like to try i3wm, it looks effective and efficient

it's happened within the last month and I'm still trying to compile all this input into his preferences. So far I'm getting too many conflicting errors

What if devRant made this app just to see how to improve their own company without looking like shit?

Coworker: We you have to estimate these tasks.
Me (thinking): This task should take one day, but I'll add 4 hours in case something unexpected happens again.
* Estimates 12h
Coworker: Alright, the tasks for this sprint have been selected. Please start to work on them.
Me: * Starts working on certain task
* Sees time available for task
2d 4h (=20h)
* Writes coworker
Dude, that much time is overkill for that task!
Coworker: Yeah, the client said something similar.
Me: Then why did you estimate it that high?
Coworker: 🤷‍♂️
Me: Ok, what am I gonna do with all that extra time? 😑
Coworker: 🤷‍♂️

Thanks mate.
Around 4 hours in and almost done. What should I do with that extra time?

Task in question: Add a mutually exclusive field to a database table, add it to the form, test it and update the docs.

Enjoy the unrelated, clickbait cat

I have a dream, that one day my manager does what getaaron did T_T

Back then, whatever finished tasks I have done, our CTO always contradicts my idea and finds a way to humiliate me. I don't get the point why he did that. Probably, he didn't want me to excel at something or he really does have crab mentality. I already reported this issue to our CEO because I was being harassed and submitted my resignation letter.
And boom! Guess what? It looks like our CTO just stepped a chicken manure and treats me nicely like a princess.

P.S. To be honest, it took him like a couple of months to step down and act normal like nothing happened. Really appreaciated the A-ffort, though!

Client: How many for basic website?

Me: this much $$$

Client email to a partner: I got the better option/price for our global multilingual multi cloud e-commerce native webapp social network for Android and iOS .

Me: wait! What?

when you type 'reboot' instead of 'adb reboot' and sit there wondering what happened

Teacher requests help with projector. I go to the classroom.

Me: What seems to be the problem?
Teacher: Yes, I just can’t get this projector to show image from the computer! I’ve hit every single button on the remote!
Me: .. The computer isn’t on?
Teacher: Huh?
Me: There is no power on the computer? Have you turned it on?
Teacher: .. What?

I thought maybe she had accidentally shutdown the PC, but no. She had just walked to the classroom and just turned on the projector.. Didn’t even touch the computer..

Heard the students snickering when I left the classroom.

Told juniors about coding guidelines that don't put another if-else just to fix a bug. Think through about it and see if you can come up with better solutions.

Today one bug was filed, they asked what happened, one junior said that he [my name] asked me for no if-else in code. He kinda deleted all if-else in codebase and started using same implementation for everything.

I'm standing with a WTF face.

😐

return ((!dev_joke)and( joke));

I literally had to teach our QA how to take a screenshot and what the DOM is. We are screwed.

Fun drinking game: work on a legacy system for a few hours. Every time you say "what the fuck?" equals 1 shot.

Started a new job this week.

Just learned that my manager strictly prohibits while loops and "if else" statements.

So I have a chrome extension, and someone reviewed it. At first she gave me one star, and wrote "extension is not working, bad UI, not good!" And ten minutes later, she gave me five stars and wrote "good extension, good features, working fine, good UI, loved it".
I saw this a week after, and I wonder: what happened in these ten minutes?

Was just told by a guy in my class proudly, “yeah, I’m pretty good at typing. It comes in handy for when I code stuff in class.” Awesome, that’s cool. I ask what he’s doing in the class. “We learned Scratch last semester and now we’re starting Java.” -______-

I had the weirdest dream. Michael Cera was a developer I was working with. I had a meeting with him and discovered that he spoke 3 different Indian languages fluently.

Just got AWS free subscription, had fun for 30 mins. Now I don't know what to do with it. Can someone give me idea for something to do with it.

So I had to implement something which I didn't know as a part of my internship. What do you think I did?

15 hours worth video lectures in two days :x

So this just happened. Some background before I begin: We're understaffed, my desk is in the back of the building, and there's no one really at the front to greet people. No security either...

Guy walks in wearing a flannel jacket (no shirt under it), pajama pants, and sandals. He looks like hell. Explains he was just released from a hospital and his apartment is locked. I let him use my phone to call his sister.

When I talk to his sister, she barely wants to speak with him. Tells me his apartment is locked for a reason and he's not allowed back. I'm just like: "So... what would you have us do for him?" At this point if his sister won't help, I was going to ask him to leave. Oh, and that hospital was a drug rehab.

So it ends with him waiting for a ride, but he ends up napping on the couch in the front of our office. CEO/Owner and his business partner walk right past and say nothing. They go into a meeting. I'm trying to figure out if I ask him to leave, wait outside for his ride... I'm a developer, this isn't my job.

A good 45-60 minutes later, after the guy walked outside and then came back in and laid back down on the couch, he leaves with his ride. Shortly after the owner walks out of his meeting, so I ask him what to do in this situation - more hoping he'd realize the need for more security.

If this story isn't crazy enough, the business partner pipes up - absolutely serious - and says he didn't say anything because he thought the guy was a developer.

So I've learned that we've got extremely low hygiene standards for developers here, with a relaxed dress code and are allowed nap times on the front couch.

Thankfully our CYBER security is better than our PHYSICAL security. :|

I've been wondering what tech will be like in 50 years time,

I can only imagine it will be insane compared to today's tech.

I mean we have only really had 30 solid years or so of computers in people's hands. And the world is.. absolutely different . And really 20 years of internet (when it's been properly mainstream)

If your 20 now you have about a 50-60% chance of being able to see 2070

I think I really want to see that.

I promise I ain't high 🤔

Please decide WHAT is not responding! 😑

At what point can you say you are a programmer of a language? Is there an exact amount of lines of code carved in stone somewhere? I call myself a Python Programmer because even know I am self tought, I have been working with the language for years and I am very good with it. "Professional" level by some accounts, though I wouldn't go as far to say that myself. I have been working with Java a couple of weeks and it has been going very well, but I wouldn't call myself a Java programmer, but should I? At what point does one pass that line?

Idk.. Just a little shower thought for ya. What do you think?

Messing around with the source code to chromium. What is everyone else working on?

An IT guy told me during a phone meeting set up to talk about how he builds these web forms on a dumb CRM for a client of ours that he has been an IT professional for 25 years.

He says he doesn't know much about the codey stuff.

What do IT professionals do again?

Client:we want dynamic mapping of network and packet flow visualization like;packet tracer simulation
Us: is 2D visualization enough.
Client:yeah
*fast forward after first demo*
Client: now make it 3D with pipes representing cable.and packets flowing through them like water.
Me: fucccccck

When you face the dilemma of wanting to share devRant with your friends but face giving up your anonymity....also, what if you forget you ranted about them and they find out? Hmmm.....

Why in the world IT work is so stressful?
I never been like that since I start developing code professionally, 8 years ago.
Since then, I had many health problems due stress, and some were really scaring (heart problem).

I'm trying to adapt to a healthier way of work, but I'm starting to doubt if that is possible.

Work in technology seems cruel and soulless sometimes. The constant pressure to learn new things all the time, to specialize in a lot of skills, simultaneously. The urgency nature of ALL tasks - even a simple form field slightly out of place seems to be an issue of life and death for clients.

Easy and quick communication made some people lost boundaries and respect. Many times I received calls and messages after midnight, about things like elements alignment.

And the worst is when clients blame you about their business problems. If they are not selling well this week, it's fault of the website you did ( which they are using for months now).

This actually happened to me today, first thing in the morning. After I slept just 3h, because I worked until late yesterday (oh yeah many more of these life/death updates).

What happens in this industry? Will this ever be different some day?

"How do we share access to two-factor authentication."

What you mean is "how do we defeat the purpose of multi-factor authentication."

I finally got to updating my old laptop when I saw a post about Ubuntu 18.04 being released. What do you guys think of it?

My father calls me very worried: hey, do you know your mother's email login username and password? We need it
Me: no? Why would I?
My father: well, she sent it to you on email when she created it, so you'd remember!

?? What?

met a client yesterday to discuss about the coming task. After discussion, we agreed that I will develop the API for the system in one month. I did the planning and posted the upcoming tasks in Trello. Today, he told me some of the tasks have been done by his staff and asked me if I can continue the remaining tasks and get it done in one week. Hey, bro, what you want!? it is not what we agreed! do you think i can understand the code that your staff wrote, with poor documentation and structure, in few hours and immediately start working on it, yet deliver everything with high quality? come on...

I fucking hate people that talk bad about things they know nothing about.

The best thing that I have learned is to always keep my mind open.

From "Linux sucks because there is no software" to "MacBooks are just for rich morons" to "All Microsoft tech is shit" to "CS degrees are just a bunch of useless math" to "Bing sucks".

Fuck, what do you know?? You never spent 5 minutes to try them or get informed about them. You have your shitty ideas and will keep having them because you don't care about the truth... You only care about your comfort zone.

Yes, Bing sucks. I tried it. Google shows me better results.
iPhone might suck. I don't know. Never had the opportunity to try one for long enough.

Whenever you're throwing shit at something, stop and ask yourself: do I know the whole story?

On any given morning, when I"m not quite sure what to tackle first.... there's always:

sudo apt update

Ahh, now I feel like I did something.

"dude! are you hacking!?"

shutup, haven't had coffee yet.

Lels

Before I was unceremoniously laid off by a shit company in which they tried to blame shit on me I was working on a opencv implementation of a proprietary document scanner.

I finished the Android prototype and was working on the ios implementation. It was left unfinished in the ios version because I was building it in swift and obj c to compare code bases.

They launched a shit unfinished Android app of their product without the scanner (they could not add the scanner lels) and have not been able to do shit on the ios version.

I did not give them the Android prototype. There was no binding contract that specified that what I developed was theirs. There is no record of anything.

The scanner? Is still in my phone and I still have the built project in my mac.
Unless them cheap assholes decide to pay another engineer for the opencv implementation, their vbscript php non theory knowing shit lead will have to figure out the required mat obj c swift java cpp code needed to build it.

Top kek

I'm currently working in call center. Making them a management system for agents. I'm the only developer there. No one asks about the progress even the owner doesn't know a thing about softwares. This gives me a freedom to do work when I want and how fast I want. But because of this I don't care anymore about the little things. and I have adopted some bad programming habits during my stay. Should I quit or what?

dude@milotic:~$ vncpasswd
Password:
Verify:
Password too long - only the first 8 characters will be used

WHAT

Good evening DevRant!

Any ideas on what can I do with my spare Raspberry Pi 3?

Thanks!

Today I was working on a laptop. I needed to uninstall a program because i had to install the newest version of it. That process usually takes 2 hours, but 3 hours passed and the uninstall was still at 35%. I went on the task manager to see if I could figure out what is running on the laptop, that's when I saw this.... This laptop has been on for 314 days. This cannot be a normal thing to do on a laptop specially when running Windows. Why do this?

!rant

Hey all... I have a question...
So, I m really burnt out of coding (C++ guy here)... I have always been learning something but never built anything... I really wanna make some game or something but it jst takes soooo long... M really lacking motivation and m soooo through learning stuff for now...
Please suggest what do i do? (Cant change language... I find all others boring... No offense)

Anyone used Electron at all? What are your thoughts?

I had a USB WiFi dongle installed and working great. Then someone pulled it out of my computer, without talking to me, so they could use it. I found another in the office...exact same model...plug it in. Drivers don't work. Can't update them. Reinstallation crashes. Try to restart computer, it crashes. Restart computer and now Outlook won't even open. No idea what to do now, but this is going on an hour and counting of no productivity.

WTF Windows? You can't even handle a WiFi dongle right?

!rant

Does anyone know what the Boolean Pythagorean Triples problem or the Ramsey Theory? I read about it while reading an article on brute reason, a kind of compliment to brute force...

Don't know what it is about these rubber ducks here but made me think of devRant

Messing around with linkedin's auto reply suggestions with @avernus

What would we do if we didn’t have devRant?

Actually, what was life like before devRant?

When a client sends you an email with multiple question marks "????" Just because you havent answered an email solely stating "ok thanks" in the past 24 hours.

What am I even supposed to do with that dude?

PS we need to fix some stuff on his wordpress website thingy to which we agreed literally a day ago. First of all do you really expect we magically fixed everything today even or ehm at least try to be friendly instead of just sending a bunch of question marks thank you very much

I don't know if I should cry or laugh...

Our CMS is a CMS as a Service. So, our providers, for me they all suck, everytime they make a development, everything breaks.

Today's flash news?

Well, basically any page containing some user-made dynamic objects are **empty**

But not only on our site, on their whole network of clients that use their CMS. Everything is broken.

They release new features (I should call them bugs rather) every week, and yesterday's update concerned these pages.

And for the record, they don't test. They wait that we come back and complain to see if their shitty development worked or did not.

This CMS is even worse than your first project in HTML - I mean, your first word document on your mama's computer when you were 3.

Seriously. What kind of non-quality is this?

After 2 years in a small company as an all around software developer (started with xamarin for Android/iOS, then Unity, then OpenXML, augmented reality, virtual reality and .Net MVC...yeah all that and lots more) I changed to another company and I'm here 1 month and some days. I am super enthusiastic and I like it here!! They're more specific and professional, exactly what I need at the moment.

What is the problem, you might ask?

I was given some projects, I have done most of the work but now an issue arrived. I did almost everything and now we're waiting for some answers needed before closing the projects. And I get bored. I want to work!! I need to continue the streak! Just give me something and I'll make it happen!! I am boreeed!!

What is wrong with me? Am I buggy or something?

Long time no rant from me. Sorry guys, has been a tough time for me.

Little background: I'm an apprentice and as such definitely not a fully trained professional. I'm working in a big company with people who have very let's say interesting ideas what I should be able to do.

This whole disaster begins shortly after I started my apprenticeship. I was offered to choose my first little project. "Something from the backlog, not very challenging and a nice beginner one. It's just about a PoC" ok, le me thinks. I choose to make a weather display.
Basic functionality was provided within the next 3 weeks. My direct boss (let's call him Jo) liked it and talked to his boss (Hugo) about it. Hugo was so excited he called our product manager to get my plugin into our software asap and began to think about where else we could use this.
This is where shit went downhill. Hugo told me it was my task to implement it on a totally different platform and to "host it in azure". I don't know much about azure and I never used it. I told him that I'd need time and some kind of sandbox to try and learn how things work. He promised but nothing ever came through. Not even Jo could do something about this.
They told me I should write this asap because "every customer would LOOOOVE this" and I honestly can't think of a way to meet all their requirements without access to our azure system/ sandbox. (There are a lot of requirements)
Am I wrong? Should I be able to do this? I'm a fucking trainee. I don't know everything.

A new administrative assistant joined the company I work at. I presented myself and told her that I'm doing devops. After a couple of days she sent me a massage asking for my assistance. Very curious of what could that be I approached her workstation, and then she told me her mouse is not working and asked me to fix it.

"Hey {name}",

I see you did this raspberry pi project and this is why we called you in for an interview.

Have you done any projects that's relevant to the company? Because your pi project isn't exactly what we're looking for

I know we advertised back end and front end roles for this position. You would be ideal for the front end position ...but our team is backend and the front end position would be at another office

I am so frustrated with companies like these

Rant time. So, me and a few classmates finally finished and handed in a website for a web development class a few days ago. Before we handed it in, we had a meeting with the professor to discuss what we still needed to do.

Us: Are we missing anything?
Prof: Nope. Looks good. Just make sure you have stylus implemented.
Us: Cool, thanks.

We got our grade back today. We didn't do as great as we'd hope, and here's one of the comments that the professor left us:

"You forgot to implement all of the CRUD operations. -4"

WHAT THE **** IS THAT? We asked you if we were missing anything, and you said no. You reminded us about stylus, which we looked at ONCE in a 13-week class, but you failed to remind us that we needed all of the CRUD ops?

!Programming

So, on Wednesday (2018.2.28) I went to the local buddhist temple for some Zanzen lessons for beginners. Let me just say, that I am in love with it.

Zanzen is quite relaxing and makes you learn about yourself from the inside. It teaches you self control. The meeting at the temple felt quite different from a typical sunday morning at the church. At first, there was no person blabbering on about something and I didn't feel like I was about to fall asleep of boredom. There was also no feeling of urgency, like we're hanging on a string above a botomless firepit.

The buddhist monk did not tell us what to believe in, which was quite unusual. When I think of a religion, I usually think that the first thing that they would teach you about, is what to believe IN. But, it was never the case. They just told what not to do when performing Zanzen and told us that we should repeat it often to get better at it. Self discovery is important.

From now on, I will be attending these Zanzen sessions every week, cause I am very interested in them.

How many bits are in a nibble?

(nybble/nyble)

....I did not know, nor did I know what a nibble was...WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP.....any takers?

if false? if false what? (false is just not defined, but this is the sort of shit I come across in the twig-theme-saas world, makes me angry)

You know, I really like my Redmi 4x. It's a nice and inexpensive phone and perfect for me. Now I wanted to get the most out of my phone by rooting it, which was going to be easy.

I thought. And lord almighty was I wrong.

First of all, to even get to root it you have to unlock the bootloader. To do that you have to use a tool that they've made. Good! An official way to do so would surely be good, I thought. But to actually use the tool you have to be logged in to their service on both the tool and your phone. Then, and get this, you have to submit a written application as to why you would want to unluck the bootloader.

Ohh but it didn't stop there. I did so and months passed without me getting any info from them what so ever. When trying the tool it would just tell me that they hadn't reviewed my application.

Today I tried again, and something new happened. It told me that I hadn't synced my accounts. Which I promptly did because it's progress.

I tried for what should be the final time, aaaand I get this. This according to the forums means I have to wait 72 hours to be able to do it.

But it's progress, right?

Uuugggghhhh

Person: I need documentation for your program.
Me: Program isn't done yet.
Person: We want it anyways.
Me: Everything I document in dev will be drastically different once it's completed.
Person: Yes, we want documentation of what doesn't work so we can refer to it later for help.

So....
I was just told why the company's code has no documentation...

Quote: "It enforces devs to write simpler/better code"

Oh and added bonus - the whole backend is PHP with a bunch of tweaked libraries.

What do you do for a living? I mean, since we're all in devRant, we are all programmers and developers here. But what do you specialise in and which language do you recommend for use in your field?

Hello !

I'm a fresh school dropout (against my will) without any diploma. I've learned programming from self teaching since three years; mostly doing web and apps development with golang, and c#.

I've already done some small projects, helped a lot of people with code, do some freelance and I'm now trying to build a SAAS.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, I'm completely lost for my future. What would you do if you were in this situation ?

On a doomed project. Nobody seems to know what anyone was suppose to have done last week, or the plan for this week.

I've warned them more times than I can count.

I could help, but I'll just sit here with my feet up, eating a snickers and watch them panic

[SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED, PLZ HELP]

I am going to school again for like 4 days from tomorrow (don't ask me why, blame the government) and I feel a bit depressed. I just don't know what I have done in the last 2 years.

What I learned:
- Bunch of stupid facts from devRant
- C# stuffs
- Games are expensive
- Music production

And.... that's it, tbh

I don't really have "PERSONAL PROJECTS" that everyone is bragging about, I just have bunch of empty projects with a cool name but just Program.cs in it.....

I am worried of what to do now.

I just feel I made the wrong choice going with C#.

I just feel I should have went with JS.
With JS, you can do
- React Native + Cordova + Titanium + etc and make native android/ios/wp apps
- The WWW stuffs
- Electron --> Cross platform desktop apps (win/mac/linux)
- UnityScript (deprecated, but whatever) --> Games

So, what I am seeing now is a thick fog in the way to my future + career etc.....

I am stuck rn.

Please help.

Should I continue with my pace and learn more C# and the things I do rn, or change the language and start from scratch, or as a last resort, leave the "make stuff by coding" industry and go to music industry, or just go to the airport and do planespotting and upload in youtube to earn money?

Serious advice please, and no jokes about C# and JS. These languages may suck, but YOUR language may suck more.

What the flying fuck? I'm new to PHP but I'm sure this is isn't supposed to be like this. :O

Co-worker: At my last job "I was technically lead dev", so don't mind me telling you what to do and criticizing every line of code you write. (He said that in finger quotes. I am also paraphrasing the last part, but you get the gist).

Me: So the fact that we are both level 3 programmers means nothing?

Co-worker: Exactly! See you understand!

Me in my mind: What a prick!

Just a little context there aren't any lead devs at our company, our boss doesn't want any. Also we have been working at this company together for 3 years, and this co-worker just said that to me today, WTF?

A coder once asked me what 'a git thingy' was... God dam he was eaten alive lol

A one of my co-workers today said he once witnessed a 20,000 line SQL query. Is that even a thing? What does it do?

My friend wants me to post a question on SO coz he cannot as he is currently banned from asking too many questions(dats what he says). Moreover, the question he wants me to ask was already asked by him a month ago. He wants me to ask again as he didn't find a.solution.

Agile what? We don't do any of these. We just do sht our way. RIP

customer to one of my colleagues, after he is nearly done implementing his cookie banner: "So, what do I actually need this thing for?" - Eh, you never wondered this earlier? o.O

Got this in Slack from the owner of the firm I work for...

I mean, you already pay me half of the average salary I should be making, but yeah, let me get right on that...

To be fair, I work with this guy because he is a really good guy to work for, is very hands-off (no micro-managing), doesn't expect me to work on the clock or any overtime and lets me make all the calls with our directions in development. Plus he pays me all he can afford, so it's not like he's trying to screw me (he shares the books with me to prove it).

But still, the dude has to realize you get what you pay for. You don't go to McDonalds if you want a gourmet burger...

Got a new motherboard today, a Asus crosshair vi hero, AM4 for amd ryzen.

Bought is as broken / defective, it supposedly works except 2 ram slots should not get detected.

On a closer look, the story of water-damage didn't seem right.

Disassembled everything and took another look.

😲😨 "Is that solder tin? What the actual fuck?"

*Scratche it with tweezers

*"Supposed solder tin" becomes liquid and moves

😱 "The fuck that's liquid metal"
😵 Who the fuck sprinkles liquid metal all over a board?
😳Ryzen is solderd why the fuck should someone use liquid metal?

What the heck

I am more honest than console.log

Convo with me an my friend today (i purposefully left out my opinions and reactions):

Friend: i want to learn c#

Me: sounds good, but I'd go java if i were you

F: yeah but i want to do unity

M: sounds good, but I'd go with unreal engine if I were you

F: what language is unreal engine?

M: C++, but if you want to make apps, go with unity

F: yeah I want to make an android app

M: sounds good, but I'd try out renderscript if I were you

F: yeah I've used that before

M: oh really? What does it do?

F: I don't know

M: its for gpgpu because android game devs needed better performance

F: yeah I've used that

M: what does gpgpu stand for?

F: umm… i know what gpu stands for

M: okay dude, you didn't use it

F: yes I did, I made a cypher

M: dude, you didn't use it

F: yes I did!

M: what does gpgpu stand for?

F: *left*

*five minutes later*

M: *checks phone*

M: *sees text from friend*

Text from friend: dude it was general purpose gpu

Man I currently have a burning hot passionate desire for physics. It actually gets me so damn excited. I mean it is basically damn magic ya know. But then I have a passionate desire for programming and that gets me excited. And then I have a burning desire for Math and that gets me excited as well. But I don't know what to push my life towards because I want to focus more on my ultimate goal. It's like having to choose between 3 amazing girls(not that I would know how that feels)

I've never been in the work place environment of a development company. What happens when there is a bug no one can solve, do you all huddle together and cry?

Get up early to try to figure out how to get my personal business off the ground.

I guess the first thing is respond to the stupid IRS and file my late tax returns as their estimation of taxes is just ridiculously incorrect.

Then figure out exactly why I incorporated and what to build.

Guess I am doing this backwards.

What? IT professional with Angular..and I am to do UI?

-----------Jr Dev Fucked by Sr Dev RANT------

Huge data set (300X) that looks like this :
( Primary_key, group_id,100more columns) .

Dataset to be split in records of X sized files such that all primary_key(s) of same group_id has to go in same file.

Sde2 with MS from Australia, 12 years of 'experience' generates an 'algo'. 70% Test case FAILED.

I write a bin packing algo with 100% test case pass, raises pull request to MASTER in < 1 day. Same sde2 does not approve, blocking same day release.

|-_-| What the fuck |-_-| Incompetent people getting 2x my salary with <.5x my work

I label all packages I know are coming as being for a company: Derp Industries. This is from an old in-joke between my friends and I. This tells me whether a package was something I ordered or not from the label (as I often forget I have a package coming.) However, I just got a call from a DHL driver asking me how long we'll be open. I, uh... I told him we close at 8. He said that's perfect, as he has to pick up from the local holding station at 5 and i'm his first stop.

I'm tempted to call back and tell him I'm just a dude living in a trailer...

What is going on.

Since I have the most multi-use role in development I have ever seen its been so long since I've had to use actual JS that I've completely forgotten what I'm supposed to be doing with it.

I woke up today to work more on my project. When I looked at my code, this thought ran through my had "What the hell was I thinking yesterday? I don't even drink!"

What if an enormous asteroid hits the entirety of earth and all our codebase, hardwork, passion, and js frameworks get wiped out?

I'm not sure what to answer...
Found on SlimSocial for Facebook - Windows 10 Mobile (latest update😜)

Has any of you reached a point that you want to resign from work because of a client?

We are dealing with a client at work that uses the app for prototyping instead of making designers create wireframe, imagine the amount of code to write,edit, remove, write it again and yet there is always something isn't right from the client point of view.

What is even worse backend guys screw the server and I am the one to be blamed for errors: 5xx
I even get blamed for error 400 (bad request) when that request passes tests but out of a sudden server returns 400, when you hit refresh the exact same moment of error and server decides to return data and stop throwing error 400.

I also get blamed for server fails to return data from a search endpoint, and if server throws 403 for a public endpoint.

This isn't a rant or getting out of my system but I need opinions, I've been working on this project for a year, with complete mess from either client or backend team, if any of you is instead of me, what would you do?

I'm not a complete guy either, but that situation is just beyond my abilities to handle.