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Search - "exception"
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Fuck the memes.
Fuck the framework battles.
Fuck the language battles.
Fuck the titles.
Anybody who has been in this field long enough knows that it doesn't matter if your linus fucking torvalds, there is no human who has lived or ever will live that simultaneously understands, knows, and remembers how to implement, in multiple languages, the following:
- jest mocks for complex React components (partial mocks, full mocks, no mocks at all!)
- token cancellation for asynchronous Tasks in C#
- fullstack CRUD, REST, and websocket communication (throw in gRPC for bonus points)
- database query optimization, seeding, and design
- nginx routing, https redirection
- build automation with full test coverage and environment consideration
- docker container versioning, restoration, and cleanup
- internationalization on both the front AND backends
- secret storage, security audits
- package management, maintenence, and deprecation reviews
- integrating with dozens of APIs
- fucking how to center a div
and that's a _comically_ incomplete list; barely scratches the surface of the full range of what a dev can encounter in a given day of writing software
have many of us probably done one or even all of these at different times? surely.
but does that mean we are supposed to draw that up at a moment's notice some cookie-cutter solution like a fucking robot and spit out an answer on a fax sheet?
recruiters, if you read this site (perhaps only the good ones do anyway so its wasted oxygen), just know that whoever you hire its literally the luck of the draw of how well they perform during the interview. sure, perhaps some perform better, but you can never know how good someone is until they literally start working at your org, so... have fun with that.
Oh and I almost forgot, again for you recruiters, on top of that list which you probably won't ever understand for the entirety of your lives, you can also add writing documentation, backup scripts, and orchestrating / administrating fucking JIRA or actually any somewhat technical dashboard like a CMS or website, because once again, the devs are the only truly competent ones - and i don't even mean in a technical sense, i mean in a HUMAN sense of GETTING SHIT DONE IN GENERAL.
There's literally 2 types of people in the world: those who sit around drawing flow charts and talking on the phone all day, and those WHO LITERALLY FUCKING BUILD THE WORLD
why don't i just run the whole fucking company at this point? you guys are "celebrating" that you made literally $5 dollars from a single customer and i'm just sitting here coding 12 hours a day like all is fine and well
i'm so ANGRY its always the same no matter where i go, non-technical people have just no clue, even when you implore them how long things take, they just nod and smile and say "we'll do it the MVP way". sure, fine, you can do that like 2 or 3 times, but not for 6 fucking months until you have a stack of "MVPs" that come toppling down like the garbage they are.
How do expect to keep the "momentum" of your customers and sales (I hope you can hear the hatred of each of these market words as I type them) if the entire system is glued together with ducktape because YOU wanted to expedite the feature by doing it the EASY way instead of the RIGHT way. god, just forget it, nobody is going to listen anyway, its like the 5th time a row in my life
we NEED tests!
we NEED to know our code coverage!
we NEED to design our system to handle large amounts of traffic!
we NEED detailed logging!
we NEED to start building an exception database!
BILBO BAGGINS! I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help you!
Don't really know what this rant was, I'm just raging and all over the place at the universe. I'm going to bed.20 -
Biggest challenge I overcame as dev? One of many.
Avoiding a life sentence when the 'powers that be' targeted one of my libraries for the root cause of system performance issues and I didn't correct that accusation with a flame thrower.
What the accusation? What I named the library. Yep. The *name* was causing every single problem in the system.
Panorama (very, very expensive APM system at the time) identified my library in it's analysis, the calls to/from SQLServer was the bottleneck
We had one of Panorama's engineers on-site and he asked what (not the actual name) MyLibrary was and (I'll preface I did not know or involved in any of the so-called 'research') a crack team of developers+managers researched the system thoroughly and found MyLibrary was used in just about every project. I wrote the .Net 1.1 MyLibrary as a mini-ORM to simplify the execution of database code (stored procs, etc) and gracefully handle+log database exceptions (auto-logged details such as the target db, stored procedure name, parameter values, etc, everything you'd need to troubleshoot database errors). This was before Dapper and the other fancy tools used by kids these days.
By the time the news got to me, there was a team cobbled together who's only focus was to remove any/every trace of MyLibrary from the code base. Using Waterfall, they calculated it would take at least a year to remove+replace MyLibrary with the equivalent ADO.Net plumbing.
In a department wide meeting:
DeptMgr: "This day forward, no one is to use MyLibrary to access the database! It's slow, unprofessionally named, and the root cause of all the database issues."
Me: "What about MyLibrary is slow? It's excecuting standard the ADO.Net code. Only extra bit of code is the exception handling to capture the details when the exception is logged."
DeptMgr: "We've spent the last 6 weeks with the Panorama engineer and he's identified MyLibrary as the cause. Company has spent over $100,000 on this software and we have to make fact based decisions. Look at this slide ... "
<DeptMgr shows a histogram of the stacktrace, showing MyLibrary as the slowest>
Me: "You do realize that the execution time is the database call itself, not the code. In that example, the invoice call, it's the stored procedure that taking 5 seconds, not MyLibrary."
<at this point, DeptMgr is getting red-face mad>
AreaMgr: "Yes...yes...but if we stopped using MyLibrary, removing the unnecessary layers, will make the code run faster."
<typical headknodd-ers knod their heads in agreement>
Dev01: "The loading of MyLibrary takes CPU cycles away from code that supports our customers. Every CPU cycle counts."
<headknod-ding continues>
Me: "I'm really confused. Maybe I'm looking at the data wrong. On the slide where you highlighted all the bottlenecks, the histogram shows the latency is the database, I mean...it's right there, in red. Am I looking at it wrong?"
<this was meeting with 20+ other devs, mgrs, a VP, the Panorama engineer>
DeptMgr: "Yes you are! I know MyLibrary is your baby. You need to check your ego at the door and face the facts. Your MyLibrary is a failed experiment and needs to be exterminated from this system!"
Fast forward 9 months, maybe 50% of the projects updated, come across the documentation left from the Panorama. Even after the removal of MyLibrary, there was zero increases in performance. The engineer recommended DBAs start optimizing their indexes and other N+1 problems discovered. I decide to ask the developer who lead the re-write.
Me: "I see that removing MyLibrary did nothing to improve performance."
Dev: "Yes, DeptMgr was pissed. He was ready to throw the Panorama engineer out a window when he said the problems were in the database all along. Didn't you say that?"
Me: "Um, so is this re-write project dead?"
Dev: "No. Removing MyLibrary introduced all kinds of bugs. All the boilerplate ADO.Net code caused a lot of unhandled exceptions, then we had to go back and write exception handling code."
Me: "What a failure. What dipshit would think writing more code leads to less bugs?"
Dev: "I know, I know. We're so far behind schedule. We had to come up with something. I ended up writing a library to make replacing MyLibrary easier. I called it KnightRider. Like the TV show. Everyone is excited to speed up their code with KnightRider. Same method names, same exception handling. All we have to do is replace MyLibrary with KnightRider and we're done."
Me: "Won't the bottlenecks then point to KnightRider?"
Dev: "Meh, not my problem. Panorama meets primarily with the DBAs and the networking team now. I doubt we ever use Panorama to look at our C# code."
Needless to say, I was (still) pissed that they had used MyLibrary as dirty word and a scapegoat for months when they *knew* where the problems were. Pissed enough for a flamethrower? Maybe.10 -
Not the worst, but probably the only one I can sort of explain & not get into trouble for NDA breach..
Umm.. here it goes.. wrong id returned from db procedure, tried to do something on db with that id and got exception that the id doesn't exist. Instead of checking why the procedure returns nonexistent id, he just wrapped everything in try catch without any logs.. & of course, didn't tell anyone about this.. o.0
I know, I know, code review could have prevented this, but holy fuck..
Guy's cv had more experience than I have now, so at the time, I didn't think I'd have to check every line of code he wrote, especially not for shit like this.3 -
Nothing is as boring and frustrating as cloning a ripo from GitHub
run it then you get 3, 4 syntax errors
you fix them
then boom a library throws a hug ass exception
at that point I just delete the damn thing1 -
Looking around where I work, I'm reminded of when I was young and ambitious, like all the other kids around me at the time, with a dislike for all the older dudes and dudettes in upper management. With the exception of three other guys around my age, everyone, including the CEO, was in high school, middle school, elementary school, or not even born yet when I started my career. Just like them, I was plucky and chatty and (trying to be) funny and social. I didn't know how fast I would go from that set to the old fat guy that they look askance at and wonder how I'm still around with my weird ways and "boomerish", socially retarded behavior. What's really galling is that I'm solidly Gen X, like some of them, but I guess I talk more like a Boomer because my parents were older when I was born and I was kinda raised in that mindset. I'm the office schlub now. A man out of my time. And I've never been in any kind of upper management, even. I am Kevin Malone.3
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We receive an email from Splunk when errors go above a certain threshold, and a particular service has been especially problematic this week (throwing hundreds of exceptions). Email response from the team mgr responsible for the service.
"We are working to address these errors. We don’t currently have a way to prevent a user who’s account is locked from logging into the service and performing work."
The exception? NullReferenceException: Object reference not set to an instance of an object.
The code? (paraphrasing)
var user = GetUser(request.Login);
if (user.CanPerformWork) ...
<facepalm>
I'm doing my best not to reply .."Really? No way? You do realize we can read code, right?"3 -
get a high priority bug , look at code changes, a variable name getting refactored apparently created a class cast exception
something about this hypothesis doesn't seem right
i hate my job, welcome back from vacation2 -
"You're one hell of an exception I would like to try & catch"
What's your programmer pick up lines?3 -
After brute forced access to her hardware I spotted huge memory leak spreading on my key logger I just installed. She couldn’t resist right after my data reached her database so I inserted it once more to duplicate her primary key, she instantly locked my transaction and screamed so loud that all neighborhood was broadcasted with a message that exception is being raised. Right after she grabbed back of my stick just to push my exploit harder to it’s limits and make sure all stack trace is being logged into her security kernel log.
Fortunately my spyware was obfuscated and my metadata was hidden so despite she wanted to copy my code into her newly established kernel and clone it into new deadly weapon all my data went into temporary file I could flush right after my stick was unloaded.
Right after deeply scanning her localhost I removed my stick from her desktop and left the building, she was left alone again, loudly complaining about her security hole being exploited.
My work was done and I was preparing to break into another corporate security system.
- penetration tester diaries2 -
Caused by: UcanaccessSQLException: UCAExc:::4.x.x external routine invocation exception: null value not allowed
Hmm.. Who could've thought `where rows_numbered.rownum = grouped.item_index` would ever yield a null...
Sometimes I can be such an idiot6 -
this moment when you write something to sync a 5 figure amount of entities from somewhere and halfway through a wild "sql exception: binary data truncated" weirdo occures because you where too lazy to adjust column constraints properly :-|3
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Microsoft Visual Studio
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An error occurred while connecting to the database. The database might be unavailable. An exception of type 'System.Data.SqlClient.SqlException' occurred. The error message is: 'A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: SQL Network Interfaces, error: 25 - Connection string is not valid)
The inner exception caught was of type 'System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception', with this error message: 'The parameter is incorrect'.'.
---------------------------
OK
---------------------------
---------------------------
Microsoft Visual Studio
---------------------------
An error occurred while connecting to the database. The database might be unavailable. An exception of type 'System.Data.SqlClient.SqlException' occurred. The error message is: 'A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: SQL Network Interfaces, error: 25 - Connection string is not valid)
The inner exception caught was of type 'System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception', with this error message: 'The parameter is incorrect'.'.
---------------------------
OK
---------------------------
---------------------------
Microsoft Visual Studio
---------------------------
An error occurred while connecting to the database. The database might be unavailable. An exception of type 'System.Data.SqlClient.SqlException' occurred. The error message is: 'A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: SQL Network Interfaces, error: 25 - Connection string is not valid)
The inner exception caught was of type 'System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception', with this error message: 'The parameter is incorrect'.'.
---------------------------
OK
---------------------------
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Microsoft Visual Studio
---------------------------
An error occurred while connecting to the database. The database might be unavailable. An exception of type 'System.Data.SqlClient.SqlException' occurred. The error message is: 'A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: SQL Network Interfaces, error: 25 - Connection string is not valid)
The inner exception caught was of type 'System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception', with this error message: 'The parameter is incorrect'.'.
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OK
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Microsoft Visual Studio
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An error occurred while connecting to the database. The database might be unavailable. An exception of type 'System.Data.SqlClient.SqlException' occurred. The error message is: 'A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: SQL Network Interfaces, error: 25 - Connection string is not valid)
The inner exception caught was of type 'System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception', with this error message: 'The parameter is incorrect'.'.
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OK
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Microsoft Visual Studio
---------------------------
An error occurred while connecting to the database. The database might be unavailable. An exception of type 'System.Data.SqlClient.SqlException' occurred. The error message is: 'A network-related or instance-specific error occurred while establishing a connection to SQL Server. The server was not found or was not accessible. Verify that the instance name is correct and that SQL Server is configured to allow remote connections. (provider: SQL Network Interfaces, error: 25 - Connection string is not valid)
The inner exception caught was of type 'System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception', with this error message: 'The parameter is incorrect'.'.
---------------------------
OK
---------------------------14 -
You can have the best test coverage - even building your own fuzzing framework on the way.
You can have top notch devs adhering to state of the art development processes.
You can have as big a community and as well-funded a bugbounty program as you want...
All of that doesn't matter if you have chosen the wrong language:
https://googleprojectzero.blogspot.com/...
This would just have been an out-of-bounds exception instead of a buffer overflow using an attacker-controlled payload in any memory-safe language.
Language choice matters!
Choose wisely!13 -
You know when I think back to the ideas I've had and the things I've worked on. I'm having difficulty, with the exception of certain far out projects that were like unattainable, in thinking of anything I've done or thought of that does not involve: data visualization, data gathering, encryption/obfuscation, inventory/storage and/or communication.
am I just unimaginative ?
I did have an idea for a code translator and how it would work and what interfaces you'd have to adopt and how you'd attack implementing things that don't translate well like c++ to js for example. or c++ to c# for that matter ! but I never got far into it. though that would have been attainable as long as you had easy ways of generating bindings.
i mean pathing and navigation were things I thought of too but... that would pretty much be implementing someone else's stuff4