Commit to management with "accurate" estimates...

ALWAYS multiple estimates by 2!!!

git push -fu

On our Android tablet app, we had to have the hamburger menu on the bottom right corner (normal top left). It sorta became the floating action button...

Tester: I'm going to start testing your Android code. How do I set up it?

Me: just bring me an Android test device and I'll show you

Tester: *comes back holding a big golden phone*

Me: *huh? Haven't seen that Android device before... I wonder which manufacturer made it*

Tester: *puts down golden phone on my desk* here you go!

Me: 😱😱😱😱
...
HUH? This is an iPhone!!!!
😩😱😧😖😰😫😵😱😱

It's amazing that we had to explain to an offshore API dev how timezones work. You'd think they know what it is by being in a different timezone, think again.

It's actually right now. I'm looking forward to my interview at another company today.

So sick of getting angrier everyday.

This happened at the beginning of my first job:

Me: I want to clarify some things that wasn't specified in my task. I want to see if I need to do them and how I should solve it.
Senior dev: Don't worry about it. If testers pass the task back to you, then you do it. Just do as it is.
Me: 😓

Pull request of the week: (In simplified version)

a = getVariable()
...
getVariable() {
[Some logic]
a = thisValue
.. or ..
a = thatValue
return a
}
🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
Tried my best to write a polite comment

When asked "What's your current salary?"
Always tell them your expected new salary 😉

Junior dev: asks me an easy question cuz he's too lazy to figure it out

Me: listening, thinking he's gonna waste my time again 😓

Senior dev: eavesdrops and helps him out

Me: saved me, woohoo 😎

*Few minutes later*

Senior dev: "by the time you finished asking this question, you could have compiled the code yourself to see what happens"

Me: 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂😂

A big FUCK YOU to everyone who called me a nerd in high school.

Who's earning more now? Ha!
Jokes on you!

But seriously, I didn't realise intelligence is highly appreciated until I started working as a developer. 🤑

It brought me bread on the table

Legacy code was so bad that it created the existence of my team to do a refactor and rewrite.

(Outsource to in house)

Commented on a hacky pull request that the junior dev called the same method twice for no reason.

Junior dev didn't get it and asked me to explain in person.

I went over and traced the code, finally he understood my comment. Then he said "Yes, I call it twice"in a tone that as if there's nothing wrong in that statement.

🤦‍♂️

My first performance review as a graduate:
Boss: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
Me: "ok whatever, what can I do to get the rating I'm suppose to get?"
B: *lists job description of a senior developer* ... "Interview candidates, mentor juniors, start a project and make me profit"
Me: (if I can do that as a graduate, what am I doing here?)

My last performance review at the same company:
B: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
M: "ok what can I do to improve?"
B: *lists everything I did before the first performance review that wasn't expected of me*
M: (LoL funny, I just wanted to hear your response because I know you'd forget about the first review. Another reason to validate my resignation)

Autocomplete
I can predict what people will say based on a few first letters

Using devRant during work hours 🤐😔

Just saw a recruitment post for a female speaker to join a female panel at a "women in tech" event. And it's by an organisation called "codelikeagirl". 😒

As a female developer, it gives me the upmost cringe to hear about any #women or #girlpower events. Do you really need to validate your ability and support because of your gender? Men don't go to #menInTech events, so why do you need to go #womenInTech events?

On the surface it seems all friendly and gender equality fluff. But if you segregate yourselves into an all exclusive group, isn't that the opposite of what your trying to "achieve"?

I save all my work relate passwords in a single text file on my computer. I always have it open too.

Too many systems, too many password requirements, expires too frequently.

What was the worst lie you told during an interview?

I was a bit intimidated going into my first full time job since I was the youngest on the team. They put me on a small project to start with and it wasn't difficult at all.

After working with my colleague for a while, he came in one morning and asked what I'm doing here.

"I'm at work? I work here?", I replied in confusion.

Then he went on about that I shouldn't be working at this company. He thought I was smart enough to work overseas at an investment bank.

Thanks for the complement :)

We moved to a new office floor and got a brand new set up. My new extension monitor died just after 4 hours of use, it was showing a black screen a with couple of colourful lines running down the screen.

Got the IT guy to come and replace it. He says he must test it with a display cable even though the screen was dead without any input source. (Ok fine cbf arguing with you, just do it.)

*Magicarp used splash, nothing happened*

Realising I was right, he gave the ok for another guy to replace my monitor.

Second guy comes to my desk and realised he forgot the electric screwdriver. (Sigh, how long must I wait...) After he finally finished installing​ the new monitor he plugged the display cable into a random display port without looking.

*Magicarp used splash, nothing happened*

Since the monitor wasn't displaying anything, he jumped into asking me to restart my computer. I gave him "the wtf are you stupid face" and just said "NO". I looked over to where he plugged the cable and asked why he plugged into the "dp out" port.

I plugged the cable to the correct port and monitor was working.

Felt like I can do their job better without any experience in IT support.

PS. Don't play the "please restart your computer" card on me. I also work in technology.

Android Interview question: "what would you use to display a large set of similar data?"
1) a linearlayout
2) a spinner
3) a recyclerview
4) a listview

The "senior" applicant picked 1)
He was not even considered.

Well basically, my high school teacher taught us BASIC

Microsoft Lync

Released the product to customers without realising someone had pre-filled a production test accounted login at the login screen. Obviously it was used for testing purposes and the dev forgot to remove it before committing.
I loled when I found out about it, and some customers started to login and made transactions.
When I checked the commit history... It was under my name :/

What we really mean...

College/university: gets a FAIL for plagiarising stack overflow. Serious offence
Working full time: gets PAID to plagiarise stack overflow. Everyday routine.