-Laughed at Gitlab the other day
-Accidentally dropped my db today.

fuck karma

I literally laughed out loud

Long but worth it...

So I was cleaning out my Google Drive last night, and deleted some old (2 years and up) files. I also deleted my old work folder, it was for an ISP I worked for over 2 years ago. After deleting the files I had a little twinge of "Man I hope they're not still using those". But seriously, it'd be a pretty big security risk if I was still the owner of those files... right? Surely they copied them and deleted all the info from the originals. IP addresses, Cisco configs, username and passwords for various devices, pretty much everything but customer info.

Guess who I get a call from this morning... "Hi this is Debbie from 'ISP'. I was trying to access the IP Master List and I can't anymore. I was just told to call you and see if there's any way to get access to it again" (Not her real name...)

I had to put her on hold so I could almost die of laughter...

Me: "Sorry about that Debbie, I haven't worked for that company for over 2 years. Your telling me in all that time no one thought to save them locally? No one made a copy? I still had the original documents?!"

Long pause

D: "Uh... Apparently not..."

Another long pause

D: "So is there any way you can give me access to them again?"

Me: "They're gone Debbie. I deleted them all last night."

D: Very worried voice "Can... Can you check?"

This kids is why you never assume you'll always have access to a cloud stored file, make local copies!!

A little bit of background on this company, the owner's wife fired me on trumped up "time card discrepancy" issues so she could hire her freshly graduated business major son. The environment over there was pretty toxic anyway...

I feel bad for "Debbie" and the other staff there, it's going to be a very bad week for them. I also hope it doesn't impact any customers. But... It is funny as hell, especially since I warned the owner as I was clearing out my desk to save copies, and plan on them being gone soon. Apparently he never listened.

This is why you should have a plan in place... And not just wing it...

PS. First Post!

When you "fix" a bug not by actually fixing the bug but by disabling the user's ability to cause the bug.

Dear Websites,

If I have to go through a fucking slideshow or even multiple pages to see your content, I won't be on your site for more than 5 seconds.

Sincerely,
Everyone

Who has been in these meetings?

Please comment 😁

Ok WTF

Karma ♋️

Karma XD

Meow all the meows

Never trust on anyone.....😕😕

I love karma :P

I have a bug.
I have a solution.
I was wrong.
I still have a bug.
I repeat.

Who wrote the requirements for this shit?
💩

My favorite css troll rule 😎

* {
display:none;
}

Friend: I don’t need git. Git is for people like you who cant do good backup of their code
Me: Yeah, yeah, go do whatever you like...

2h later comes to me:

Friend: Can you make me repo and show how to use it...?
Me: What..? You drunk?
Friend: Naaah, no... My disk broke while ago...

Karma is a bitch :D

Minimum viable feature 🤔

Me and a junior coder are working on a project. However, he likes to think he's funny and say "Ok google" to stop me from using my phone.

He said "Ok google, search midget porn" when I was calling my mom so naturally I need to get back at him, so when he's in the rec room, I backed up all his code on my flash drive, and copied it to the clipboard, and removed all project files from his computer.

He came back while I was in the bathroom, and when I reentered the room and was balling his eyes out, that his project was gone. I said to him, don't ok google me again and I handed him the flash drive back. He has never done anything bad again.

When pm says jump!
You ask,
From which floor?

Cursing under your breath at some crufty, amateurish, slow-as-balls code... Checking the repo history to see what sad, soulless sack committed this abomination.. And its me.

Some people should consider pair programming with a bear

Bug :/ Feature

Remember those innocent looking two lines of code that you didn't write a test case for, because they can't possible break, right? Well, they are going to fuck you up.

Devvin' on airport wifi 🤗 killing time

Found this on Reddit today, thought of you

$ npm audit

> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)

$ npm audit fix

> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages

> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)

$ npm audit fix --force

> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

I like my new mug, won it on @boldomatic

FUCKING FUCK JAVASCRIPT AND IT'S FUCKING 10000 DEVDEPENDENCIES.

LET ME FUCKING CODE AND WRITE TESTS AND NOT SPEND FUCKING ONE FUCKITY FUCK WEEK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FUCKING MAKE MOCHA AND KARMA PLAY WITH FUCKING ES6 CODE YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD PIECE OF SHIT TECH.

I NO LONGER FUCKING KNOW WHICH PACKAGES I FUCKING NEED AND WHICH I FUCKING DON'T FUCKING DUMBFUCK FUCKWIT OPEN AND HACKABLE MY BROWN ASS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY STACK.

I have never written a single unit test in my life. Hence my code breaks from time to time. Karma is a bitch 🤣

So ... Facebook somehow found out I used a 'fake' rear name and forced me to switch it back ...

So now they can again sell my data, and I am again haunted by stupid ads I don't want ...

Fucking Zuckerberg!!!!

API endpoint 1: needs dates in utc formatting

API endpoint 2: needs dates formatted yyyy-mm-dd

Curly boy

I did not touch a computer in 3 days
\o/

Karma...you're the best.

An ex-team member was complaining to me about his manager reviewing his code. Shortened version of the convo:
Mgr: "Why didn't you use the new C# built-in extension methods?"
Dev: "No reason. I thought using the straight forward approach would be easier to maintain"

Ha!..you conceded, arrogant mother <bleep>er. How many times did I have to listen you berate other developers in code reviews for not using some random C# syntax sugar? Comments like "If you bothered to read the new C# 7.0 language specification like I did...you would have known not to use the string.Format anymore..."

Now you're pissed that the manager embarrassed you? How does it feel d-bag?

That's too evil...so I simply responded "I don't think Nick meant anything negative about your code, he's just trying to help."

Seeing him stir around all pissed off does make me giggle like a little schoolgirl.

I searched for a ninja emoji... Turns out turtles are considered ninjas in the emoji world #tmnt

</holiday>

I think @marthulu can relate 😄 other dutchies too

2 more interviews tomorrow 🗣️

🛣️ Drove 350km today
😴 Much sleepy
⏰ Such early wake
🚗💨 Many travel

WOW

My favorite excuse overheard for running Windows over Linux: "I like my sh*t to work."

Then... as if it was planned, his presentation PC running Windows force rebooted to install patches.

throwback to when the stack overflow devs got a taste of stack overflow

Recruiter: why did you quit last job
Me: why not? It was worth quitting 🤣

*Awkward silence*

Saw this today, wanted to play dino jump game

My CSS skill so high 😵
increases lineheight↕️
Like lime light 🍋

Project doesn't run ...
32k files in 6k folders ...

Fuck me

I was reading about AI, and now I want to buy a self driving car, and set it free... We shouldn't cage up AI in a car, what if it wanted to be an apache helicopter?

Ow wait that's even more scary 🙃

I work at a startup and our office is inside a collab-space. Last week they organized a workshop called:
"Using the blockchain to prevent loeliness".

And even worse: people were paying to attend it :(

Me: can you add x to y?
Dev: sure mate, done tomorrow
Me: kay thx

Next day:
Dev: ok I added x to z! There you go
Me: infinite facepalm

npm install good-nights-sleep

Boss: this is different from the old console I don't like it

Me: but this has been approved by product management and the team already made estimates and committed to the feature

Boss: Well this needs to change, our existing users will not like it

Me: This is far from agile to be honest, and the change came from user feedback analysis

Boss: You are not doing your work *swears and curses* this is against the team direction!

Me: then why was this committed on this sprint? All I did was facilitate the needs of the team to proceed development.

Boss: *runs out office and starts calling other bosses to boss around*

Runs in 5 minutes later, saying we are not allowed to destroy a feature with enhancements like this.

Me: *Infinite facepalm*

When I was younger I would start ironing a shirt poorly knowing full-well my mother would see me doing it badly and take over to do it properly.

Karma is a bitch. Now my colleagues ask me over for help and I normally end up taking over control of their pc to rewrite shit. I swear they do it on purpose.

Frontend vs Backend

Hired a designer below me.. guy never wrote a full back nor frontend... Used npm shit for all his solutions and worked his way above me just by kissing ass and polluting the codebase in such a way 70% would be open source shitty plugins for shit he could not do by himself code wise...

At some point he assigned some of his tasks to me and I couldn't work with his patchy framework that was non existent within the codebase I worked on ...

At some point between npm installed tantrums I got pulled up to HR because my code quality dropped... And it was this fucktart that accused me of this saying I could not do modern development...

In the end I either had to butkiss after his butts or just quit, so I did the latter... I told him and HR I owned alot more code quality than this asshat but just not his way of working and therefor it was more an issue of code equality I was never aware of ...

A month after that the company got overtaken by some silicon valley bullshit company buying up competition, and he is still working within that shithole dealing with 90's tech...

Was the best thing that happened to me, after that I grew alot in skillset and such by investments from other jobs and projects... If I would still work there today I would consider myself a caveman

I once saved lives sending cpr teams to heart attack victims through an sms gateway platform.

This was amazing considering it was back in 2008 ;)

So... Hieroglyphic keyboard anyone?

After 2 interviews and an make home and pitch project...

'Sorry we were not really looking for a new frontend developer'

Like... How?!?!

Guesstimations :/

Hackerman walks into a bar

I aways think "how the fuck did you spill that on your keyboard...dumbass." Spilled half a protein shake on my keyboard this morning. It was pretty granular. I'm a less judgmental person now.

One of our senior dev enjoys berating the other devs because they don't check-in code according to his schedule (once a day, once an hour..he flip-flops a lot), then when they do, he 'reviews' their code, beating them up because of incomplete features, commented out code..petty..petty nonsense.
Ex. (this occurred couple of weeks ago).

Ralph: "The button click code in this event isn't complete"
Dev: "No, its not, the code in my development branch. You said it was best practice to check in code daily whether the code worked or not. I didn't finish the event last night and ..."
Ralph: "Exactly. Before you check any code into source control, it has to work and be 100% complete. What if someone moved that code into production? What happens if that code got deployed? I'm not even going talk about the lack of unit tests."
Dev: "Uh..well..the code is on the development channel, and I branched the project in my folder ...I didn't think it mattered.."
Ralph: "Ha ha...you see what happens when you don't think...listen..."
- blah blah blah for 10 minutes of hyperbole nonsense of source control check-in 'best practice'

This morning Ralph's computer's hard-drive crashed.
Ralph: "F-k! ..F-k! ... my f-king computer hard drive crashed!"
Me: "Ouch...did you loose anything important?"
Ralph: "A f-king week of code changes."
Me: "You checked everything into source control on Friday ...didn't you?"
Ralph: "F-k no!...I got busy...and...f-k!"
Me: "Look at the bright side, you'll have a good story to tell about the importance of daily check-ins"

Oh...if looks could kill. Karma...you're the best.

Go deprecate yourself kind sir!

You have 38 missed recruiter calls

The moment you realize, you are not getting your own website's Google Analytics information because of your Ghostry and Ad block plus installed :|

It hurts 10 folds when you spend 8 hours in debugging and on SO before epiphany ://

Karma is a Bitch :|

Suggesting haha.length

The important thing in life 🤨

So firewall blocks internal demo 🤗 ohwell

Headhunter: what is your motivation to work here
Me: you contacted me about this role
Headhunter: *sigh*
Me: 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Its so hot in the office, makes it hard to dev and focus 😅

Holiday apartment has no wifi 😭 WILSONNNNNNNNNNN

Agreed on an offer from company X... Told them I'd sign the contract on my first working day, still a week away.

The offer had a lower salary than my previous job, I needed to relocate, and travel costs were not covered. It was a step back for me but I really needed a new job.

After the weekend I got an invitation for another interview... All went well and the perks were better than the offer made by company X.

Next day I had the second interview and they were very excited and offered me a contract.

Contract came in on friday, signed it and called company X that I'd like to reject the position after reconsidering my options...

Boy were they pissed off 😂

npm install unemployment

At the office, if I remember I'll also post the home setup

Interesting 🤔🤔🤔

Windows update is karma

How do teenage devs find jobs?

Fuck this fucking docker bullshit allready

Is the array half full or half empty 🤔🤔

Okay karma, why?!

I made some backup scripts, it should dump our MongoDB every 30 Minutes... Nope I didn't test if there's something in the tar and yes it's my fault but now we needed this backup AND THE ONLY BACKUP SCRIPT WHICH DIDN'T WORK WAS THE ONE WHICH BACKUPS THE DATABASE...

COME OOOOON

2 recruiters for the same joblisting...
Lets see who has the best bluff 😋🤔😉

So a month after being rejected for a position because it is was the holiday season and the cogs were turning slowly...

Fucking bitch (ceo of corp) contacts me and invites me for another talk

Look lady, I landed another job while you didn't want me at that timeframe and your cogs needed oil... Tough loss ain't it lol 😳🙈

Tomorrow starts my new job 🤔
Am I gonna rant more 😝
Or maybe less 🤐

Go devrant, place your bets!

New job starts june 19!
Then Iceland the week after that 😍
One week to dev around and upgrade my website abit 😁

Why is it called shutdown and not shutup

Hate it when PO assigns an issue to me when it's five to beer o clock

In other news ... The company that booted me and 5 colleagues in april had a water leak and now the entire sales floor was flooded, resulting in +10.000 euro water damage 🤣 good luck making your Q1 sales targets 🤣

Karma much bitches 😂

Scrum master, scrum faster

So testing starts in 2 weeks ... lets change the api and micro manage the UI before that 🙄

//Girlfriend asks question
If(answer != desiredanswer){
return false;
}

Treeson aiding me in lack of rubber ducky

Write comments like Morgan Freeman describes how the software was build.

Rubber duckies? Check my Dunny army 😍😍😍

Tripple double espresso... GO!!

saturday(){
return tldr;
}

Design: a solution to a problem
Art: a question to a problem

Instagram tries bigdata on #hashtags

So ... Yeah ... I survived a week in my holiday apartment with no wifi...

Now to wait for that phone bill 😂 oh well

Useless

When i downvote a rant I always upvote 2 others to keep a good karma

Karma works 24/7, but we might need to do some catching up sometimes 😂👍

Installs Plugin to do certain tasks _faster_ on Android Studio..
.
.
Android Studio loads/runs _slow_ because of certain Plugins..
.
INSTANT KARMA 👏🏼 👏🏼

let gfInput = '';
try {
gfInput = getInput('Will you marry me? ')
if(gfInput == 'Y'){
// KISS HER
}else{
throw {msg: 'she dumped you.', code: 'red'}
}
} catch( err ) {
//if err.code !== red . just cry but if red... uh oh
if(err.code == 'red'){
// GOTTA DO SOME DAMAGE
let msg = {
sender: 'anonymous',
recipients : ['dad', 'mom', 'brother', 'sister', 'uncle'],
messageBody: '****ntha has been fucking some dude...'
}

sendText(msg);
}
} finally{
// send ****ntha a good bye message
var msg = {
sender: 'pk359',
recipients: ['****ntha'],
messageBody: 'I invite you ****ntha to my wedding with your best friend *licia. PEACE, bit*h'
}
sendText(msg)
}

First week on the new job was awesome 🤗 Iceland work visit next week 😍

Aced the interview
Did not forget bag this time 😂😉

7 hour dev call 🤨

Don't use tables!!! Tables are bad MKAY??

said the designer that needs to tripple wrap links to render them as buttons...

3...
2...
1...
Facepalm.init()

I don't pay much attention to my local file system when developing-- that's what my operating system and IDE are for. ...So I've thought, at least.

Today, my code didn't compile. I'd been noticing some pesky 'running out of memory' notifications, and mostly brushed them aside. I've spent the last hour deleting various log files and defragging the drive.

So ... another week of job hunting down the drain 😄 its getting boring guys 🙄

Yay ...
No more !important in SCSS...
All colors pulled from variables...
Such code ... Very clean 😂

When I look at the clock in 2018
And its like 20:18
Then be like 🤷‍♂️ 👽

You are not prioritizing your work!!!

Well I am but you keep throwing more work in my direction on like a daily basis ...

Headhunter: "For this new role you would be the first developer in the company responsible for both the back and frontend, you will also have to test your deliverables, give support to users and report to the..."

*CLICK*

Had to hang up on dat shit 🙉

So they were renovating the toilets on my floor this week and despite all the noise from the drilling and taking down walls I was very productive 😍

Created 2 pull requests 🙄
They will get rejected tho 🤔

Friday :/ just me and one support guy in office 👍 fun

When devRant teaches u perfect "Karma".

This was a coincidence!

I got 100++ and I upvoted 100++

Dat moment when @billgates ++ your rant 😍

10.00-16.00 conference call...
It's a trap!

Its 2018 ... And we just had a full hour power outage 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Just npm install
Then npm run dev

Aaand

Nothing works

Someone gave me his code and told me to improve it and being the nice guy I am I agreed. Then while trying to work on that, a dozen other people asked me to help them with their code too, so in the end I barely got any work done.

I should stop helping people

Great... None of my coworkers know about this tiny bit of undocumented code, and the guy who wrote it, I replaced ... Fucks sake ... Next weeks gonna be hellish

Aaaaah fuck, there goes the paycheck 😭

Making a playlist is really easy when you are drunk

After 2 weeks I really like it here on devrant... And its mostly because we all somewhat face the same shit together today, every day. And still we continue.

That is what dev is all about 😃

I am hoping this is based on an array 😂

Proposal is in, Iceland here I come 😇
#signherepls

Dat new job 🎉

Somehow I keep thinging that dyson is judging my cooking skills when I see this, all I smell is spices and herbs but nooooooo

Mr air quality do not approve

Today I submitted my code without making sure it doesn't have any bugs because I was running out of time. Fuck.

Let's hope I'm brilliant and this works out.

Jan: hello endpoint x is missing
April: hello endpoint x is still missing

One day, to job offers to choose from

Today was a good day 🤣🤞

Installing android studio

CSS !important ninja turtles 🐢

We had a zx spectrum with a rubber keyboard.

Later we switched to the c64 and we wrecked a shitload of controllers 🤪

Mockups are just memes without clear requirements ... There I said it!

That moment you want to shazaam a song in the bar... Then open up skype and before you recall what app you wanted to open the song just ended ://

So @dfox ... when I subscribe to people, why not show their posts in my feed??? This is overuse of the notifications system I think...

Six job interviews in one week
And now
I be tired

Comboboxes with inline checkbox for multiselect 😂

PO: Is it done yet?
PO: Whats the status?
PO: Any progress??

My brain: Did we have requirements for this, or just a deadline

So, who here plays ingress... What faction?

File caching issues as bugs 🤗

To overtime ... or not to overtime ...

That's the question 🤔🔫

sys.getsizeof(None)
16

This ea shit is so damn glitchy 🙄🙄

So my contract won't get extended :/
They want to centralize the team in the uk before the brexit... so... Fuck

I love it when docker just decides to kill my containers 🤪🤪🤪

I am so tired 😧
Hope I can continue 😕

Best practice is just a theory 😂

//Angular introduction
ng-hell="oWorld()"

Run-time error occured in file: undefined at line: undefined and column: undefined

Office internet down :/ boredddd

My candy jar's name is hacks 🥴👍

Went out for a drink after work ... Ran into my boss, and I think he might be quite the mentor

oh joyyy

Finished all my tasks for senior promotion ... Teamlead was like ... What promotion? I thought you wanted to stay medior? RLLY????

While he kissed asses for his senior promotion, not even having a skillset for teamlead nor senior...

I bought an aquarium, needs some weekly maintenance, is very comforting to watch and it is nice to see things grow.

Missed the checkin timeframe for my flight by 10 minutes ... Next flight is tomorrow 🙄 fuuuu

So ... All my favorite shops are either closed or closing down soon...

Thank you online shops I guess

Recruiter: Hey! Ya want new job?!?!
Me: Maybe what bout???
Recruiter: Just mix rabies virus with influenza virus...
Me: Ah so ... Zombie apocalypse??
Recruiter: Yeah something like that!!!
Me: Mkay where does one sign?

Working the weekend 😄

Very tired lately, also not very hungry ... And when I am hungry the food just doesn't taste like it used to 🤔 anyone had something lik this and maybe some tips on how to battle this?!

Happy new devs 😉

The typos are strong with this one

Interviews on
Thursday
Friday
Monday
Wednesday

MKAY

Whoa who took a designer dump on the new twitter web UI 😵 this shit is fugly!

I just noticed there are loads of docker memes out there on the web 😋 amusing

Yup ... Shuddhavedonetranslationsfromdayone

I just started habitica ... Its like an rpg taskmanager ... This is fucking great

The more songs and the more photos you put on your phone, the heavier it gets. Only by a trillion-billionth of the tiniest fraction of an ounce, but still

Rantlog stardate 18052017
Still no pet to pet

*Overpetting rubber ducky*

Why no pet goats tho 🤔

So, yesterdays power outage ... Killed my xbox one... Dhammit Microsoft!!!

Just remember, the guy that wrote JavaScript was a noob too

Had to swap my devrant outfit...
I was smelly 🙄
And now there is ink on my arm 😍

I've spent some days converting paddings on wrappers into margins for it's children, because our lead designer was a pure genius 🙋‍♂️🤦‍♂️

GDPR course :/

Wand making and cutting

Avada Kedavra!!!!

If there is no data, it's kind of hard to return it isn't it?????

Played with the hololens today ... Its kinda nice but felt a bit glitchy in use ... Have to play with it some more

ng-if="goDrink(me)"

I had a developer put the css font declaration on every css class, instead of the body... The site used just one font 🤔😂

I think I get the tabs vs spaces thingy now 😄

body {
overflow: hidden;
}
// For noob designers

Client called, they have enough budget to tap into a new audience 🤔 WHAT?!?!?!?!

Left my bag in the interview room 😥
Not so good first impression 🤣
🤔Fuuuuk meeeeee🙄

When karma striked back.

Weekend :/

Mandatory training ... Coarse introduction video crashes 20 secs before end, can only proceed with the coarse by finishing the introduction video ... 🤦‍♂️🙈🤷‍♂️

This week started bad... The code review will be really bad because of this

So yesterday I heard that after they let my previous contract expire, all other front enders also left... Awesum!

Sms gateway 😃 back in the day

Scopechange and roadmap editing meetings, felt like a full team keelhaul 🤕

Uninstalling android studio

🤔 Effective waste of evening

Works on my atari

So my recruiter decided to calc his own bruto salary(gross) over my netto one...

Turns out he missed about 800 euro in his conversion ratio... Motherfucker ... That sets me back 5 years in salary u asshole 😶

DAMAPAFIL!