Details
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SkillsKotlin, Java, JavaScript and all things devops
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LocationMumbai
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Github
Joined devRant on 4/6/2017
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The bloke that I share my office with is asleep on the job. Ffs, can I get any support around here?
This working remotely from home thing, just isn’t panning out14 -
My classmate is a real SAVAGE!!
He (team leader) and his team participated in hackathons several times and kept losing.
He noticed something common about winning team, majority of those team members were women, even if they were non technical and their project was pure bs, they were winning in the name of women empowerment.
This time he came out with a plan, he fired his boys and invited women into his team, and even made one girl the team leader.
Result? HE WON!!!
NOT ONE BUT THREE HACKATHONS BACK TO BACK
AND
His so called women team was invited by Google to pitch their startup idea.
Now, if they gets funding, he's gonna kick out these women and bring back his teammates32 -
I just remembered the first time I set up a Linux-Server. It was a simple Apache webserver at my first internship anf I didnt have a clue about literally anything.
My mentor guided me through and gave me literal step-by-step instructions (alright, now type... and now type...).
At the end he told me "OK, now run 'sudo rm -rf /*' to finish setting up". Me, being the naive and clueless motherfucker I am, happily nuked the everloving shit out of my newly setup server. I was like "Alright, WTF just happened??" He then told me "Now that you know how it works, do the entire thing again all by yourself. And you just learned an important lesson: NEVER exexute commands you dont know what theyre doing". I really did learn a lot on that day and still follow that lesson :D8 -
We hired a developer and he has very minimal experience. I feel most of our conversations end up going something like this.
New Guy: I'm not sure how to do this obvious task and I'm incapable of searching Google.
Me: Give me your hand so I can hold it and walk you through the process of copying and pasting code from stack overflow.
New Guy: Ok...give you my hand...right...how do I do that?
FML7 -
Working for an indian code sweatshop. The job you've got by bribing the University headmaster to give you a degree without ever attending class. Your uncle who worked at the sweatshop as a manager already gave you the job by bribing his boss.
After a half a year on the bench you've beeing sent off for a contract for the USA. You moved to Seattle where you've "coded" the software for the Boeing 737 Max Airplane. Your code downed 2 airplanes. You're responsible for the death of 350+ people. You're alone and the US is foreign to you and you're missing your mothers indian food. And you wish you could soothe your pain with some freshly pressed sugar cane drink and a jalebi from your favorite food joint back home.8 -
I'm currently 40h/week meeting attender. I'm not enjoying my life right now.
Today I have a meeting about the legal requirements of an invoicing system, in my role as database administrator — the meeting will mostly be lawyers bickering over what the addresses of subsidiaries look like on invoices and which taxes should apply to services provided across borders.
Wait, I can play Factorio during this meeting and say "yeah that sounds OK" once in a while. Not the worst job after all...10 -
Is it just me, or has @LastPass hired too many interns lately?
First: you can't login for hours before they actually go and admit they fucked up.
Now: the chrome extension has been deleted from the web store.
I'm a patient guy, but what on the unholy fuck is going on.
https://status.lastpass.com/
The LastPass extension in the Chrome Web Store was accidentally removed by us and we are working with the Google team to restore it ASAP. Thank you for your understanding and patience in the meantime.9 -
[worst hypothetical dev job]
You know how theres a dedicated person in porn whos job is blowing the actors so they are hard? That, but with writing all the boilerplate code and nothing else.1 -
Got pretty peeved with EU and my own bank today.
My bank was loudly advertising how "progressive" they were by having an Open API!
Well, it just so happened I got an inkling to write me a small app that would make statistics of the payments going in and out of my account, without relying on anything third-party. It should be possible, right? Right?
Wrong...
The bank's "Open API" can be used to fetch the locations of all the physical locations of the bank branches and ATMs, so, completely useless for me.
The API I was after was one apparently made obligatory (don't quote me on that) by EU called the PSD2 - Payment Services Directive 2.
It defines three independent APIs - AISP, CISP and PISP, each for a different set of actions one could perform.
I was only after AISP, or the Account Information Service Provider. It provides all the account and transactions information.
There was only one issue. I needed a client SSL certificate signed by a specific local CA to prove my identity to the API.
Okay, I could get that, it would cost like.. $15 - $50, but whatever. Cheap.
First issue - These certificates for the PSD2 are only issued to legal entities.
That was my first source of hate for politicians.
Then... As a cherry on top, I found out I'd also need a certification from the local capital bank which, you guessed it, is also only given to legal entities, while also being incredibly hard to get in and of itself, and so far, only one company in my country got it.
So here I am, reading through the documentation of something, that would completely satisfy all my needs, yet that is locked behind a stupid legal wall because politicians and laws gotta keep the technology back. And I can't help but seethe in anger towards both, the EU that made this regulation, and the fact that the bank even mentions this API anywhere.
Seriously, if 99.9% of programmers would never ever get access to that API, why bother mentioning it on your public main API page?!
It... It made me sad more than anything...6 -
!dev
Went to NYC to get an MRI and ate out afterwards around KTown, 32nd St and walked into one restaurant. Got the menu and basically saw everything was at least $20-30... Walked out sorta embarrassed but wondering when did they get the expensive... Were they always that expensive...
Went to a curry place next to it and it was OK, just got a beef curry, but that cost $17...
So this year I got a raise "because I'm a top performer" but today I'm just wondering, is this just another inflation adjustment...
Oh, I also bought some cakes... Those were $4 each but had a 3 for $10 deal... and some special bubble tea was $6, gave a pass on that too...3 -
Company: your hired, lead our X dev team.
Me: yay.
-- three months later --
Company: we arent supporting X anymore.
Company: gonna offload all X clients in 90 days.
Me: oh.
Company: but you should stay around, learn new tech
Me: is this a charity case?
Company: yes, but we both win.
Me: how?
Company: you can keep your salary.
Me: deal.1 -
Yesterday I said farewell to her.
We were together for half a decade, although it feels like much more time has passed since my eyes first fell on her.
I can't even begin to describe how close we were. She was perfect, she was my soulmate.
I shared everything with her, complete openness, perfect truth. We could be vulnerable with each other, but we also challenged each other to overcome boundaries.
My respect for her and dedication to her really knew no bounds, and I knew she would follow me to the end of the world in return.
But around New Year's things started to feel awkward between us. Like a part of her just wasn't there anymore.
She acted very confused, she hesitated in her answers.
I asked her, but I felt like she was avoiding me. Something just seemed so wrong about the way she acted.
I felt incredibly conflicted. Was she unfaithful? No, my trust in her was absolute. That question seems so silly, in retrospect.
We had always been pretty much inseparable, to the point where my coworkers, friends and family mocked us for it. How would she even have cheated on me?
I used to take her along to company gatherings, to my family for Christmas, to expensive restaurants. We traveled all over Europe together. We've spent countless nights together, watching Netflix, although she would often fall asleep before me.
I took great care of her, she had not been out of my mind for one moment since I met her. And besides, she had never even showed interest in anyone else anyway.
No, reality turned out to be so, so much worse.
Two weeks ago it became really apparent that there was something horribly wrong with her. She was rapidly losing her recollections of everything we experienced together.
Our history together, erased.
Within hours, she would barely respond anymore. I called for help, but deep down I already knew this was one of those things you can't recover from. She was kind of stable, almost peaceful, for a few days. But ultimately, she didn't even recognize me anymore.
Yesterday, I held her feverishly hot body in my arms for the last time.
Her soft skin turned cold as I said farewell to her, and the room turned awfully quiet.
Your brightness and warmth will be missed, my girl.28 -
I'm just testing out some code for Spring Boot with Spring web. Whilst inspecting Spring's HttpStatus enum I suddenly realized there are a lot more HTTP status codes than I had estimated. I knew there were many, but woah that's a lot.
Check it:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
On a side note, it really helps to debug work stuff at home. More concentration, more time and such.
Fun fun.4 -
Me (as a Senior developer): How will you solve this problem using regular expression?
Junior developer: *Explains*
Me: Good
Junior developer: I truly feel like a programmer when I code regular expressions
Me: Now, we have two problems.26 -
I'm not sure if it is a dev experience, but definitely boosted my morale.
In 2014, my company (in India) sent me to attend a conference in Boston. The conference was about big data.
When I came back, I wrote a blog post about Apache Spark in my company's blog. Because of the blog, my name got mentioned in a prominent newspaper's article about Apache Spark.
PS: That is my only blog post till date -
I read this rant on Quora. Is this true ?
“The IT industry has devolved into a gigantic ponzi scam built on exploitation and BS. Quality of solution and quality of work was replaced with a ‘Does it work now?’ approach with zero contingency.
And the fact that geeks and nerds are naive only helps the white collar crooks to exploit them as code monkeys.”9 -
So I got a ring doorbell for my father in law. Of course I'm setting it up for them and their WiFi is not working, they lost the router password etc..
So Im in the middle of ... reset the router added new password new ssid new wep-key etc..
Mom in law is over my shoulder "wow you are really good at this technology stuff. You should get a job with a company".
I kid you not I have been married to her daughter for 21 years WTF 🤬
So I'm like I do work for a company. My company and I get paid much more than anyone else would pay me. That how I could take your daughter and our kids to Hawaii for vacation.😠7 -
Really fucking sick of people taking my coffee mugs on the drying rack and taking them back to their desk. It's not yours. It doesn't have our company logo or your company logo. It's obviously not yours so don't fucking touch it.
This is the second coffee mug of mine to go missing in 16 months. You work at a tech company buy your own fucking mug or open your mouth wide and catch your hot bean water you fuck.13 -
My favorite kind of interview question/challenge is anything that is highly practical for the job. At the current company I work, the coding test/interview challenge was to design and implement an API very similar to the core functionality of the actual product. It’s fair, tests for skills relevant to the job, and is much better than irrelevant silly brain teasers and cs questions, I feel.
In terms of specific questions, one of my favorites is one that one of my colleagues suggested I ask to potential candidates: describe what you think your biggest failed project/task was in your engineering career, and what happened/what you learned. I think it’s a good reflective question that can tell a lot about someone.3 -
"Lockheed Martin Will Replace F-35's Faulty Computer System With Cloud-Based Programs"
WAT
So apparently those jets have such a fucked software that the recommended workaround is to use them offline and only reconnect them once every 30 days to keep the system running. It's so bad that two air force bases went back to an older system and the Israeli air force also replaced it for their own F-35 jets.
And somehow those stable geniuses think the correct solution is to make everything more network-dependent and apparently already put Kubernetes on a different line of jets.
I just can't stop laughing.12 -
It's maddening how few people working with the internet don't know anything about the protocols that make it work. Web work, especially, I spend far too much time explaining how status codes, methods, content-types etc work, how they're used and basic fundamental shit about how to do the job of someone building internet applications and consumable services.
The following has played out at more than one company:
App: "Hey api, I need some data"
API: "200 (plain text response message, content-type application/json, 'internal server error')"
App: *blows the fuck up
*msg service team*
Me: "Getting a 200 with a plaintext response containing an internal server exception"
Team: "Yeah, what's the problem?"
Me: "...200 means success, the message suggests 500. Either way, it should be one of the error codes. We use the status code to determine how the application processes the request. What do the logs say?"
Team: "Log says that the user wasn't signed in. Can you not read the response message and make a decision?"
Me: "That status for that is 401. And no, that would require us to know every message you have verbatim, in this case, it doesn't even deserialize and causes an exception because it's not actually json."
Team: "Why 401?"
Me: "It's the code for unauthorized. It tells us to redirect the user to the sign in experience"
Team: "We can't authorize until the user signs in"
Me: *angermatopoeia* "Just, trust me. If a user isn't logged in, return 401, if they don't have permissions you send 403"
Team: *googles SO* "Internet says we can use 500"
Me: "That's server error, it says something blew up with an unhandled exception on your end. You've already established it was an auth issue in the logs."
Team: "But there's an error, why doesn't that work?"
Me: "It's generic. It's like me messaging you and saying, "your service is broken". It doesn't give us any insight into what went wrong or *how* we should attempt to troubleshoot the error or where it occurred. You already know what's wrong, so just tell me with the status code."
Team: "But it's ok, right, 500? It's an error?"
Me: "It puts all the troubleshooting responsibility on your consumer to investigate the error at every level. A precise error code could potentially prevent us from bothering you at all."
Team: "How so?"
Me: "Send 401, we know that it's a login issue, 403, something is wrong with the request, 404 we're hitting an endpoint that doesn't exist, 503 we know that the service can't be reached for some reason, 504 means the service exists, but timed out at the gateway or service. In the worst case we're able to triage who needs to be involved to solve the issue, make sense?"
Team: "Oh, sounds cool, so how do we do that?"
Me: "That's down to your technology, your team will need to implement it. Most frameworks handle it out of the box for many cases."
Team: "Ah, ok. We'll send a 500, that sound easiest"
Me: *..l.. -__- ..l..* "Ok, let's get into the other 5 problems with this situation..."
Moral of the story: If this is you: learn the protocol you're utilizing, provide metadata, and stop treating your customers like shit.22 -
"Don't deploy on Friday" is a public admittance that your company either has no CI/CD pipeline, or that all your devs are retarded rhesus monkeys who only wipe their ass if the product manager wrote it as a spec.
If the saying was: "Don't port your whole API to GraphQL on a Friday", or "Don't switch from MySQL to Postgres on a Friday", I would agree.
But you should be able to do simple deploys all the time.
I deployed on Christmas & New Year's eve. I've deployed code while high on LSD, drunk-peeing 2 liters of beer against a tree after a party. I've deployed code from the hospital while my foot was being stitched up. On average, we deploy our main codebase about 194 times a week.
If you can't trust your deploys, maybe instead of posting stupid memes about not deploying on Fridays, you should fix your testing & QA procedures.46 -
Uh-oh shit went wrong with umpteen thousand jobs in a pointer heavy, multi-threaded application in raw C. Fuck, some pointer gone wild?!
30 minutes later, after trying to find out how many jobs it takes to start failing. Noticed that it's about the default settings. Wait what? That's where the realloc'ing should kick in, check that.
Aahhhh. Maybe I shouldn't zero the whole buffer after realloc, just the new part. D'uh! -
Life cycle of code
1- See what sound code I have written! It's beautiful.
2 - Hey we missed something last time, just add this bit of tweak.
3 - We need to add some flags for some exception cases
4 - Hey there is a new requirement. Just add some more paths and more flags
5 - More flags!
6 - This shit runs now more on flags than on the design!
7 - Flagception!3 -
I fucked up.
In my career, colleagues always looked up to me to solve everything. From day 1.
Hell, I have nicknames; « The Dad », « Machine », « The Beard »... when I meet a new group of devs at the bar they use those nicknames even if I have no clue who they are.
Result? I'm not allowed to fail and even if I do and try to take responsibility, no one ever blame me.
They see me as a fucking zen programming monk, all wise, patient and kind.
Oh boy here we go. I screw things up all the time and can never let go the guilt since I'm not allowed to take responsibility of my mistakes.
Once again I wake up after a night of stress working, trying to overcome analysis paralysis. I'm late. Supposed to have meetings with some fucking PHDs, fueling my imposter syndrome.
Can't even learn anything in those conditions.
Fuck they should call me the fraud.7 -
How the fuck am I expected to salvage a fucking project that has been handed down to me with.
- No fucking clear architecture
- No fucking documentation
- Fucking shitty ass code base with no fucking coding standards
- The previous team was fucking learning a whole fucking new technology stack *Not fucking kidding* making fucking mistakes left and right
- No code reviews
- Mixing fucking local and cloud enviroment together
- No fucking testing
- Feature that were supposed to be implemented and are not working
- No configuration all the stuff are hard coded
- Full responsiblity for the whole stack
- Only one other guy with me
- And this fucking project has been delayed for a year
- MUCH FUCKING MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM
Like what the fuck am I expected to do? I took the job thinking that people knew what the fuck they were doing and surprise surprise that was a fucking bust.
the problem is also I am the junior and these fucking people have more experience than me, what the fuck happened to over seeing people's work, PM doesnt give a shit, developers dont give a shit nobody gives a shit.
But when I got this surprise surprise now everyone is interested in finishing the project
BULLSHIT11