!rant
A few days ago a friend of mine rang me up complaining about internet issues with his computer. As usual I did the "is it plugged in, turn it off then on again" sort of thing to waste time while my pasta was cooking. After a while he asked if I had another bogus solution, so I suggested flushing his toilet.

He runs off, I hear the flush, comes back and viola - it fucking worked.

The point of this is: if it don't work, flush the toilet. You're welcome, tech support out ✌️

We're in 2017 and I can't believe people won't flush the damn toilet!

I'm so fucking upset with this shitty iPhone. I can't believe there are people who are actually *paying* real money for this crap. Thankfully I am getting paid to use one, otherwise I would flush it in the toilet (but then even the toilet would reject it).

There's this one lead dev in our dpt who keeps posting pictures to our company's Teams 'general' channel with shit in the toilet after someone forgot to either flush or use the brush.
Caption usualy says "I don't mean to cause nausea to anyone, but we are all adults here and should know how to flush / use the toilet brush".

Does every company have this guy or are we the chosen ones?

Most embarrassing interview rejection was not even in person, it was over the phone.

The company that I was going to work for (quite a big one mind you), scheduled to phone me at 2PM, I was preparing mentally for 2PM, so I took my girlfriend to lunch at 1. Just to relax and calm myself before the phoned me.

It was 34 degrees (celcius - I think that's about 93 farenheit? somewhere close) outside and I was waiting for her to finish her smoke (she was in the smoking area).

They phoned me, and it caught me completely off-guard. My years of knowledge just seemed to flush down the toilet at that moment, and I utterly felt stupid talking to the guy over the phone. It was a first for me, and I hope that it never happens again - he basically stopped me, told me that I had better not apply before I know what I am talking about (as I was wasting his time), and then put down the phone on me..

Worst part was that my girlfriend came back right then and asked me if I am ready for the interview. I hung my head in shame because I was ashamed to tell her that I fucked it up, because you know, I kind of needed the job (the one I had at the stage was shitty).

So something annoying about the bathrooms here is that they are automatic flush only. There's always used toilet paper in the bowl because as soon as you move an INCH to wipe, it flushes. And you can't flush again.

To all devs out there who don't use the toilet flush in company: FUCK YOU! I WISH YOU 100 BUGS EVERY DAY AND MAY YOUR FUCKING CODE NEVER COMPILE YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT!!

[this post is not a joke, it's about health, ladies might want to avoid reading it as it about defecating]

i did mindfulness during shitting and i think more people shud try this.
instead of just pooping without giving any attention to it or using phone while pooping, you can use your phone for guided meditation with apps like Trip, Calm, ...
While shitting I noticed small things like the water tap, I slowly rotated it; first the water came in drops(listen to it), then in a small stream, then a turbulent flow.
If your attention drifts away, gently observe that its a thought and let it pass.
focus on what is happening right now. Feel how your anus vibrates to fart, giving a tingling sensation.
focus on how the turd comes out of the anus, the way it expands your sphincter muscles and finally drops in the crapper.

Practice gratitude. I realised how lucky I'm to shit comfortably in solidarity, many people in the world don't even have such privilege.
I feel good that I've flush mechanism in my toilet and 24x7 water supply. The shitting time can be utilised in a very positive way like this.
Look at your shit and wonder this used to be food, and be grateful to your digestive system.

We just moved from ClearCase to git and got to deleted all the dead code and unlinked files that have been stuck in the repository for ten years. The most satisfying toilet flush ever.

When me and my friends were working on a school project where we have to do a C++ bus reservation system (that will accept reservation and name of the person who reserved the seat / that will show a list of reserved persons / that will show a graphic design of a bus with seats that will be changed in design if reserved.). At first I can't comprehend the problem and develop a solution, but when my friend told me that "let's think that the value is a poop and the toilet is the variable, when we flush it, it will be sent to the sea/ocean/river and it will serve as a new element in the array" that is when I knew how I will do the damn project, then we passed it the night when the project was given, and we got recognition from our professor.

*my friend is already feeling the call of nature*

++ for my friend

Given that Microsoft will be dumping Edge down the toilet flush (and creating an Edge skin for Chrome), I will have to switch browsers (if I want to surf the Internet).
I don't want to switch to Firefox, because I find Mozilla having double standards.
It's been ages since Chrome isn't my favourite, I am forced using it at work, so I'd rather avoid it using it at home.
That bring us to the Chromium-based browsers. Of the myriad out there, the two that piqued my interest are Opera and Vivaldi.
Both have their merits and flaws, but I am equally drawn to them.
My question is which one would you pick between these two?

Worst disturbance? This person who sits behind my back. I've gotten used to them not minding their own business and snooping into mine but to counter that they've taken to distracting me and others all the time.
Sample this incident from just a few moments ago (inspiring the rant).

Me: *debugging while listening to some ambient music channel
Them: *rushes to my desk, putting a hand behind my back
Me: *politely takes off headphones asking, What?
Them: *after peeking at my screen, nvm, I'll tell you later, I have a meeting to go to.

Fucking hell, idiot! It already takes me hours of pushing myself to come to work at this good for nothing place and then actually get to working. Just flush your head in the toilet so you don't take a dump on me with your shitty restlessness.

🚽🪠I shitted like 5-7 times today💩. Dont even know exactly how many. This cant be normal. How is it possible for so much shit to be inside me? Where does it fit? Im full of shit. Maybe thats why job interviews and schools are also full of shit cause they all shit 10 times a day. I have to flush toilet at least 2 times so all the shit can go through. Its that big of a shit

Went to take a piss and saw my shit was still standing there! Unfazed! It was so huge the toilet couldnt flush it on the first try. So i had to piss on my shit and flush it again. Thats how big the bullshit was! Almost as big as the company who hired me and told me i passed the interview and now ghosting me by not sending me further email of officially hiring me

Had to fight demons to unclog this fucking toilet 🚽🪠🪠🪠

Shit so Huge the toilet got stuck. Water couldnt flush from my Extremely Big Fat Shit. I could also see the big shit i shitted. It was so huge and fat like its a Python🐍

While plunging it stank SO bad. I suffocated from the 6-hour decomposed shit that was stuck there. God it was bad. U guys are lucky to not have seen this monster💩

But i succeeded. I flushed it. Now its as clean as the bumholes of corporate people and hiring managers

Dad: Yo b2plane!!!!!🤬🤬😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬

B2plane: what

Dad: i just went to toilet and i saw ur shit floating in it. Why dont u flush the toilet!?!?🤬🤬

B2plane: i did

Dad: then flush it again! Look how huge ur shit is! U always shit and never flush the toilet. Stop letting shjt float around💩💩💩

Shit thing is i always fucking flush the toilet after shitting but my shit is way too big and fat that not even toilet can flush it! And nobody believes me, everyone thinks i just shit and dont flush like im a barbarian!

Ah... Android layout frustrations... Now I can laugh about it and enjoy my #rant-commit from yesterday.

But seriously, I can't wait for Android to be over in 2017... The framework grew into a massive pile of fragmented, fermented and undocumented shit, that gets smellier every Google I/O when they try to flush it down the toilet, but it gets stuck.

For obvious reasons, this question only applies if the person who cleans your office restrooms is of the opposite sex.

When the cleaning person knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Hello, housekeeping," what do they think is going to happen? Am I going to yell out from the stall into the hallway, "Taking a crap! Gimme 10!"

I'm not going to yell out anything, ever, not even "Occupied!" because *people can hear me.* I could flush the toilet, but what if I'm halfway through applying a seat cover at the moment and flushing it means having to start over (in addition to wasting both the water and the cover?) It's bad enough when I put down the seat cover and the toilet autoflushes before I can sit down.

i have to say this. its very important and mind blowing even to a shitbeast like me. a few days ago i shitted such a massive turd that it got stuck in the toilet. the shit was THAT big. BIG SHIT 💩.i flushed. nothing. flushed 3 more times. nothing. i gave up and went to work. i completely forgot to flush it again. came back to shit again now and the toilet STANK LIKE A MF. worse than a sewer. i could see my HUGE TURD floating in pieces in the toilet, while the other BIG turd is still stuck in the fucking toilet. i flushed aggressively again. the fucking turd is still stuck and wont get the fuck out. now i have a toilet with shit in it and it stinks like sewer cause the turd was there for several days or so. i have to get a plunger 🪠 AGAIN to get this shit out of my fking toilet! 🚽 Right now, i have to go to my 2 of 3 toilets to take a new shit, and i hope it doesnt get clogged again! as i am shitting while writing this, i can already see how HUGE the new turd is! this is incredible. what the fuck am i shitting?! did i eat a fucking elephant or sum?