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Search - "watch the world burn"
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Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"
Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"
Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"
Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"
Boss: "What?"
Me: "Not the team, the servers..."
Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"
Me: "I get why he left you"
Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."
Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"
Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"
Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."
Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"
Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"
Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"
Boss: "That's what he said"
Me: "You're using that meme wrong"
Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"
Me: "That would work"
Boss: "Why are you grinning?"
Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"18 -
Wanna mess with users? Take
“OK” and “Cancel”.
You know what looks visually the same but means the opposite?
“NO” and “Confirm”.
Deploy that little ui update overnight and watch the world burn.20 -
I found out recently that Facebook is embedding tracking data in the form of IPTC metadata in images that you upload. This way the images can be tracked even after you download them.
Because I'm an anarchist and just want to watch the world burn a little, I made a tiny server to replace the id hash that they embed with a random one, just to see if I can't fuck with their algorithm a little bit.
You can check out the project here https://github.com/watzon/fbmdob15 -
Focus on algorithms first and syntax last. Solve problems, then code.
If it uses power, has an I/O interface, and stores code, you can do stuff.
Dont get caught up in the little shit like specific code formatting and who's right or wrong between tabs or spaces. (It should be TABS anyway.)
Don't take shit from anyone.
Be confident not cocky.
Learn GIT as much as you can.
Don't burn out.
Get up and stretch.
Don't argue with your Operating Systems professor about why you shouldn't have to learn Linux.
Don't fall into the "I want to be a game developer" trap. Make your own games on your own time. You won't learn shit at school about it.
9/10 of the real world workforce is who you know, so don't be a dick. Those people might be the difference between Ramen noodles and steak dinner for you.
Charge market competitive rates and set an hourly rate that defines the clientele you deal with.
Don't ever, EVER, do trade or spec work. Free work don't pay the bills. Always start the clock when you're not sleeping, eating, or shitting. If you're emailing, calling, texting, or otherwise interacting with or on behalf of a client, bill them. Don't be a bitch when they decide they don't want to pay you. Get yours. Watch "Fuck You. Pay Me." at least once a month on YouTube.9 -
Some people want to watch the world burn.
Me, i want to add the line ".gitignore" to .gitignore, force push it and fuck off to holidays with a phone turned off.7 -
I accidentally started a reindex on a collection that had 14 million records in the middle of the day. Caused an outage in a major portion of our applications for about 3 hours. Worst thing was that once I pressed enter, I realized that it was for the production database, and not the staging database like I intended. I immediately went to go tell the dev ops lead, and he basically said, "whelp, let's just sit back and watch the world burn. Not much we can do about it"1
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On the game front, I see so much conflicting advice. "Start getting feedback" as soon as possible. "Donnt soft launch on steam! The algol will wreck you.", "soft launch on itch to get feedback", "dont soft launch on itch!"
"Start marketing today", "focus on influencers", "get to know communities *before* you advertise", "dont get to know communities beforehand if you're just planning on self prompting", "dont self promote".
"CPM is important.", "CPA is important". Etc.
Sounds a lot like "have a bunch of money upfront." The solution is just to succeed from the start! It's so obvious. Just invent the next gta. The next facebook. Get a small loan of 50,000 dollars, or a million. Donate for a year to other kickstarter projects so people will know you and reciprocate! But also dont ebeg!
How about no. How about fuck all this advice by silver spoon assholes that didnt have to work on shoestring budgets. The advice is the equivalent of having a 300 page tonedeaf book, every page blank except page 150, where the words "fuck you. I got mine." Are printed in times new Roman, 14pt font, neatly in the center of the page.
The truth is most of the "indies" already made it in the software industry proper, before switching over. $5k kickstarter videos, with $15k marketing budgets, no doubt funded in part through their own money funneled through services that provide shell donations, because KS is being used as a glorified advertising service. People buying off steam curators for promotions, youtubers making sponsored videos without disclosing they're sponsored. Fake viralility. Fake campaigns. Predetermined success for those who could *already* afford to develop and go commercial without a publisher. And they came into the market and cannibalized the opportunity, raising the bar for everyone that wasnt them. I guess that's actually a good thing, because we wouldnt have half the amazing games we do, and the pressure to produce quality. But then I see fantastic games utterly ignored or flailing in an attempt to compete for eyeballs in an industry frequently dominated by gatekeeping marketeers and influencers, where human grace determines success or complete oblivion. And I'm just disgusted with it.
Also buy my game. Preorder NOW! And you'll get a REAL canvas bag, I'll go to like the goodwill and buy one and screen print the game logo on it or some shit. Buy the special collectors edition and get pictures of my feet. Buy the game of the year edition and get a real gasmask. Preorder now and I'll fucking suck your di k right now. No lie. Preorder the diamond edition RIGHT NOW in the next six minutes and I will send you one hundred thousand dollars in gold plated bottle caps. Limited supply. one million per customer. Offer expires soon. This is not a scam. I repeat. This is NOT a scam.
In other news I'm soft launching Atom Ranger in six months (assuming the nuclear apocalypse hasn't *actually* started by then). Its state of decay and fallout meets rimworld. Build and manage a sprawling base, resolving conflicts, exploring post apocalyptic Colorado and surrounding territories of no-mans-land. Navigate hazardous weather, radioactive terrain, collapsed bridges, dangerous rivers, and deal with cultists, bandits, slavers, and hungry cannibals. Broker peace between not just the factions outside your settlements, but within your base too. Manage conflicts, settle disputes, avert disasters, barter, scavenge, and survive in a fully dynamic world, where buildings slowly crumble, grass and trees sprout up in the road and vacant lots, fires burn out of control, and factions loot, ruin, and takeover settlements. Watch the world and the survivors in it change and survive. Help them to survive, or become a warlord and rule over the wastes.
Lets be honest. It's basically kenshi but less complicated.
If you want to volunteer to test (instead of paying to be a glorified tester, aka "alpha") let me know in the comments.
I'm currently setting up a discord and mailing list.28 -
WHICH FUCKER CAME UP WITH THE IDEA TO DISABLE CTRL+A IN THE GOD DAMN SEARCH BAR!!!
I FRICKING APPENDED MY SEARCH 3 TIMES BECAUSE OF YOU2 -
There's a group of people at my work who have mean girls syndrome.
They think they're cool, but they're actually pretty lame. I'm loving it whenever a junior comes to me because they're fed up with these morons.
Don't get me wrong, I can't do fuckall, but I love to sit and watch the world burn. Hell, I'm waiting for end of contract to get away from this hellhole of a job, this shitty small town and its close-minded people.11 -
So the new Arduino Portenta h7 is programmable in JS. Some people just want to watch the world burn!5
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Another gem from the cunt I used to call my senior.
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 7pt !important; line-height: 30px !important; font-weight: normal !important; }
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 6pt !important; }
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 7pt !important; }
These are all on the same level (not in media queries) and only a couple of other lines of css between them.
I swear this jackass just wanted to watch the world burn.5 -
Is it wrong to want to watch the world burn because some fuckwit decided to make a library that matches the path of another library almost exactly, that also has classes named the exact same fucking thing, but that are incompatible with each other was a great idea? Worse is that some dev at my place decided to mix and match them, and then didn'tcomment it's use or fucking why they did it.
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Take away the upvote/like button from all the socials and see human race go extinct in few days.
Watch the world burn.10 -
If languages had slogans...
1) Java -- Buy one get two for free on your delicious NPEs.
2) C -- I burn way too much calories talking, let's do some sign language. Now see over there... 👉
3) Python -- Missing semi-colon? Old method. Just add an extra space and watch the world burn.
4) C++ -- My ancestors made a lot of mistakes, let's fix it with more mistakes.
5) Go -- Meh. I can't believe Google can be this lazy with names.
6) Dart -- I'm the new famous.
7) PHP -- To hide your secrets. Call us on 0700 error_reporting(0)
8) JavaScript -- Asynchronous my ass!
9) Lua -- Beginners love us because arrays start at 1
10) Kotlin -- You heard right. Java is stupid!
11) Swift -- Ahhh... I'm tasty, I'm gonna die, someone please give me some memory.
12) COBOL -- I give jobs to the unemployed.
13) Rust -- I'm good at garbage collection, hence my name.
14) C# -- I am cross-platform because I see sharp.
15) VB -- 🙄
16) F# -- 😴8 -
mess around inside bootstrap.css project at work, make a push, sit back with my popcorn n watch the world burn2
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1, someone breaks public/private key encryption
2, watch the world burn
3, people will understand that this rant is just a joke1