Free, Open-Source, Desktop & Hacking Simulator game. [more details]

!multirant

1. MonoDevelop

Installed Unity for a game I'm working on. Realized I didn't reinstall VS when my SSD got corrupted. Didn't install VS plugin w/ Unity.

So now I have MonoDevelop. It's not a bad editor, but PLEASE. IF YOU ARE GOING TO HIGHLIGHT A FUNCTION WITH RED BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST IN THE CLASS, THEN TELL ME, WHAT THE FUCK EXISTS IN THE CLASS!

2. UnityJS

Unity's JS implementation is terrible.

First, let's throw basic syntax shit out on the window. string.toUpperCase? Nah, let's make it string.ToUpperCase to annoy the shit out of devs.

AND SOME OF THE STANDARD FUNCTIONS ARENT EVEN FUCKING WORKING!

Need to use parseInt(string, 2)? WELL GO FUCK YOURSELF, BECAUSE WE DIDNT IMPLEMENT THAT SHIT.

...or use C# I guess...

FUCK UNITY.
🖕🖕🖕

[Idea]

What do you think about replacing "user123 +1'd your rant" with "user123 incremented your rant".

Seems to me that it would fit well with the whole programming atmosphere.

Thank you AMD for reminding me permanently to never buy any hardware from you again.

If Doctors Were Like Coders
(cross-posted from https://medium.com/@c09b6133a238/...)

Problem: The patient has a broken leg.

Solution:

1. Ask the patient to reproduce the exact scenario that resulted in the broken leg. Watch closely to see if the leg breaks again. Check for consistency by repeating the scenario a few more times.

2. Explain that this isn’t an intended use case for the leg, and besides, it only affects one person. Ask the patient if, all things considered, he really wants to prioritize his broken leg over your other work.

3. Point out that the patient’s other leg performs just fine under the same circumstances. Ask if he can use his other leg instead, at least as a workaround.

4. Attach several accelerometers to the broken leg and break it again. Stare at the data received from the accelerometers, then shrug and declare it useless.

5. Decide that the patient’s problem must be in his spleen. After all, that’s the only part of his body you don’t really understand.

6. Track down the people who created the patient. Ask them if he’s ever had spleen problems before. When they seem confused, explain that he has a broken leg. Ignore them when they tell you that the spleen they created could not possibly cause a broken leg.

7. Ask Google where a person’s spleen is. Spend half an hour reading the Wikipedia article on Splenomegaly.

8. Open the patient and grumble about how tightly-coupled his spleen and circulatory system are. Examine the spleen’s outer surface to see if there are any obvious problems. Inform him that several of his organs are very old and he should consider replacing them with something more modern.

9. Compare the spleen to some pictures of spleens online. If anything looks different, try to make it look the same.

10. Remove the spleen completely. See if the patient’s leg is still broken. If so, put the spleen back in.

11. Tell the patient that you’ve noticed his body is made almost entirely out of cellular tissue, whereas most bodies these days are made out of cardboard. Explain that cardboard is a lot easier for beginners to understand, it’s more forgiving of newbie mistakes, and it’s the tissue franca of the Internet. Ask if he’d like you to rebuild his body with cardboard. It will take you longer, but then his body would be future-proof and dead simple. He could probably even fix it himself the next time it breaks.

12. Spend some time exploring the lymph nodes in the patient’s abdominal cavity. Accidentally discover that if the patient’s leg is held immobile for six weeks, it gets better.

13. Charge the patient for six weeks of work.

HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

That specific moment a C# Developer (me) makes an API for Modding his own game but the mod language is Lua.

(And it works)

I just started playing around with machine learning in Python today. It's so fucking amazing, man!
All the concepts that come up when you search for tutorials on YouTube (you know, neural networks, SVM, Linear/Logic regression and all that fun stuff) seem overwhelming at first. I must admit, it took me more than 5 hours just to get everything set up the way it should be but, the end result was so satisfying when it finally worked (after ~100 errors).
If any of you guys want to start, I suggest visiting these YouTube channels:
- https://youtube.com/channel/...
- http://youtube.com/playlist/...

//long rant but worth it ;)

In our class, we had some writing in Word.

I was the smart PC guy in the class which everybody asked for info. Even the teacher sometimes asked me.

There was a girl in class which I didn't really like, because she had a snoopy attitude and thought she is a queen.

In MC Word you can hide the toolbar with the little arrow on the top right below the close button.

Somehow the girl hid the toolbar and didn't know to let it reappear again. After half a hour the teacher got to the next lesson.

She held her hand up and reported to the teacher that here PC has problems. After 10 minutes try & error from the teacher he even didn't get it.

Now the teacher started the rant and shout at her: "How did you even manage to do this? Did you upload a virus? I bet it is a virus! Do you know how much it costs to repair this pc? It's sure over 1000 $."

The rant continued for 15 minutes. After that I felt a bit guilty and even I didn't like that girl, but nobody deserves such a harsh treatment.

Without saying anything I went to the computer, clicked the little arrow and the problem was solved. The teacher didn't say anything to this topic. Just said we can go early.

Sometimes dump people make a elephant out of a fly, just because they don’t know it better…

Well the girl still stayed a cunt till the end of my scholarship.

Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...

You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????

WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.

MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT

Benefits of being a dev:
Wife: "I just wish I had a program that could organize all my shit for my [work-from-home outside sales] job. My old company had much better software."
One week later:
Me: "Here honey: I built a program that will organize your business leads, allow you to search them by city, street, phone number, it detects when you have multiple businesses with one owner, warns you of duplicate information before you add it, and you can now launch phone calls with the click of a button. I've also put an app on your phone that can send and receive data from the main program."
One hour later:
Giggity giggity.

Give me cool .io URLs. 😅

So my company is hiring only amateur developers, Including me.So that they can save on budget . So we have no one to guide us and ambitious deadlines are set .

"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"

So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.

First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.

So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.

Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?

I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.

Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?

"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"

So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.

More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!

I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.

And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.

"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."

You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!

"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."

I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.

So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.

You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.

me irl

SeniorDev(in code review): Yeah, I know this is wrong but I will look into it later
Me: Can you please mention the ticket you have created to look into it later
[JuniorDev gives me a high five for sticking to our coding principles. No sweeping under the rug! Felt awesome.]

*computer fell, broken in pieces*

Me calling [Microsoft] tech support: hey can you check my warranty on this computer, I think I broke it?

Tech support: yes sir but we must first go through the troubleshooting steps,

Me: no, no I just-

Tech support: have you tried pressing F8 sir?

Me: umm… no, look I'm just -

Tech support: sir please press the F8 key sir

Me: okay… I pressed it, now can you just check my-

Tech support: sir please what happened when you pressed F8?

Me: it's broken, now if you could just check my warranty -

Tech support: sir I'm sorry sir I think you did it wrong. Please press F8

Me: no just check my-

Tech support: sir I think you do not understand, sir it is at the top-

Yup.