Got a phone interview for a backend dev job in an opsec company.

Interviewer:
This is a very serious and prestigious position, we take care of the most important bits of code.

*Proceeds to talk introductory nonsense*

Interviewer:
Do you know what a DNS is?

Me:
Yes, of course! DNS stands for Domain Name System.... Blah blah blah... I explain about the servers, about hosts file, about DNS spoofing and everything else possible on this topic.

Interviewer:
See, I was patient with you - letting you finish. I'm not sure what you're talking about and where you got it from, but a DNS is that line in the browser where you type the site's name.

He didn't ask any more questions, just told me that they'll get back to me. I asked not to do that.

Three weeks later I got an email claiming that I'm not qualified.

I got a callback for mobile app development, I told them I had only worked in Android. When I got to the actual interview, "ok, your Resume and all is fine and all, but we are actually looking for an iOS developer" I stood up and walked out. I mean what in the name of holy fucking hell were you thinking you miserable son of a bitch.

Currently written on the conference room whiteboard:

People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything.

I couldn't agree more.

We just spent 30 minutes standing around watching Elon Musk launch his car into orbit.

I love working in IT.

We are do this but it vim, screen and ..

1969:
-what're you doing with that 2KB of RAM?
-sending people to the moon

2017:
-what're you doing with that 1.5GB of RAM?
-running Slack

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

When you reuse code...

OneDrive:
Login -> Password/Account is wrong
Forgot Password -> Account does not exist
Registration -> There is already an account with this email adress
Well, Fuck you

tl;dr don't, just don't.

A curious little me (12-14 years) just stated using the family shared computer.
And he thought: It's so slow! Maybe I can make it faster, my parents would be happy!

So he looked at this little switch on the back and he switched it from 230 to 115.

Not knowing what he did, he turned the PC on... for the last time.

Smoke, a nasty smell and a loud bang were the last memories left behind.

The parents were not happy.

In grade four my teacher had a vic 20 and he let one student per week borrow it to take home. It didn't have any software but the book that came with it had some instructions on how to write some small basic programs.

Since childhood I was extremely creative. At ~7 I took my family's laptop and started downloading level editors for Super Mario.
After that, I discovered a strange site to create games (similar to Scratch).
One month later the PC had too many malwares and adwares. 🤗

I don't remember much but I think I was sitting on my dad's lap while he was using word or something.

Windows (95/98?) though 🤢

Gladly we all use Linux now (le family)

the result was unexpected

Co-worker: "I made the UI for feature X you asked me for"

Me: "Oh great tha... Why is it on the same screen as feature Y? Those features are unrelated?"

Co-worker: "Yea it was too much effort to create a new screen."

Me: "...?!?"

Nah I'll quickly fix my arch installation, can't take that long...
- my brain at 12pm (about half an hour ago)

Plottwist: I didn't fuck up the whole system and it's booting again.
I didn't expect that myself

Small things count*

You know how in Android Studio, if you put a string directly into a View's text, it warns you to use resources' strings?
Well if you put there "Hello World", it gives you no warning...

I don't know why, but it made me smile. (Way to go, JetBrains!)

*Don't thing of anything stupid

Types first letter of password wrong...

[Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace] [Backspace]

My teacher showed some Mr. Robot episodes on lesson. I think it's pretty good. What are your opinions about it? Should I start to watch it?

Boss: Can you interview someone at 3pm
Me: Sure.
(Me: looks at watch)
Me: That's in 3 minutes.
Boss: Yer he's waiting in reception can you get him.
Me: -_-

It all makes sense now...

A client that owns a restaurant wanted me to develop a webapp for the restaurant with 15-20 pages and table reservation feature. He wanted to pay me with a "free" dinner in the restaurant.

Slack: "People can't work when we're down"

GitHub: "Hold my beer"

Choose yourself:
The one who is too lazy too stand up, the one reinstalled his PC literally every week, or the toxic guy that nobody wants too work with.

me: "Why not just use AJAX?"

guy who wasn't kidding: "Uh... oh is that a SOAP joke? Haha.."

:/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/

Incompetent may not be the right word, but a Linux system admin who had never heard of Ubuntu.

My younger sister is 6-years-old and she argued with me saying the moniter was the computer and the system unit was the charger.

Could you put a backdoor on the software so i can see what my employees are doing ? Don't worry I'll pay you more.

Yeahhhh buddy I'm out, give me my card back.

What the fuck im going back to my open source safespace.

Rules for server newbees:

1. Never just copy paste stuff from the internet into your console.

-- End --

Guys, guys, guys! Read this if you haven't already..Hilarious ;-)

Source: http://kumo.swcp.com/synth/text/...