interviewer: Do you know HTML?

me: Yes sir!

interviewer: can you tell me its full form?

me: how to meet ladies.

interviewer: get the fuck out of here

so Jira loaded without css and made my avatar kng of the universe

My last employer lost 6 devs and 2 designers within a month because they thought money could buy them the right to treat employees like shit.

F_ money. We love our self respect more.

What are the most valuable NON-SOFTWARE dev tools?

My coworker is a serious brogrammer

!rant

"Calling in sick" essentially means "work ineffectively from home while miserable"

This beauty! 😍

Family: So what did you study at school?
Me: Software Engineering
Family: So you can make websites?
Me:

last night someone explained meditation to me as cache invalidation for your mind

winrar.rar

When you test your backend code thoroughly before pushing to production, but a fatal exception with the much larger production userbase causes one of your vital threads to die with a NullPointerException.

I got myself a new monitor, 2560x1080 (21:9). LG 25UM58-P on sale at NewEgg and NCIX, I paid $200CAD.

Hi, I am a recruiter representing awesome projects. It's the next thing after machine learning! You would be crazy not to apply.
But the is a strict requirement: you need to have 69 years of experience in devRant. Please comment if you have serious interest.

Manager: I need estimates for your sprint tasks

Me: I've never done any of this before, my estimates have no context and are effectively worthless

Manager: don't worry it's just for the Jira board.

Me: OK *gives estimates*

End of sprint comes...

Manager: Why isn't task X done?

Me: *sigh*

I don't miss my old job :)

"Why does the search take so long?" maybe because it searches through2 dbs with 20 tables with 5.000.000 objects on an 6 year old server with hdds and apparently there is no budget for a new server, but there is money for an 40.000€ art piece.

When your PM starts coding to understand why it takes so long to align a button :P

Got hired!