Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present you the API I'm working with...

That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.

Ladies and Gentlemen I've upgraded from being lonely to In a relationship
'Cause I finally found the girl of my dreams. 💑

HaHa April Fool's Day 😂😂

Ouch!

I've found it. Ladies and gentlemen of devRant, I give you... Rubber duck heaven.

I alias my "sudo" to "please" so I can practice being polite to my server and code more.

I just finished my thesis defense, one of the committee members obliterated me with incredibly difficult questions but it was so much fun to respond to this 40min smackdown after presenting all my work in 50 minutes. The battle has been won ladies and gentlemen, I am incredibly happy.

Oh boy!

Time to apply for dev jobs!

Good thing HR is fair and just!

*submits résume*

"I'm sorry but you're not qualified. The programming language we use is listed last on your resume."

Welcome to HR Hell ladies and gentleman.

interviewer: Do you know HTML?

me: Yes sir!

interviewer: can you tell me its full form?

me: how to meet ladies.

interviewer: get the fuck out of here

Ladies and gentlemen...Python.

Indian weddings...

My cousin calls me up and says that I am studying software engineering, so I must be having a laptop. Asks me to bring it to the the wedding.
I end up doing songs editing and all the dj stuff in the ladies sangeet.

I just walked passed 2 technologically impaired ladies in my office (the kind who think google is on their actual computer) having an avid discussion about how "You can find Ajax everywhere on so many websites!".

I was super impressed until I realised they were talking about buying dish soap :/

After one year of procrastination I finally made the game with unity

Ladies and gentleman, spherical voronoi minesweeper

Yes, I made the game before with in c++ which looks quite shitty, but finally, unity

Security tester: Injects XSS into a rich text editor and flags it for a vulnerability.

"Oh that's fine, let's just disable right click on our page so no one can inspect the page and inject anything."

...

My boss ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my latest employee, Dave the Duck! Dave is the new head of debugging and took the job to support his out-of-hand caffeine addiction and 72 children (of which paternity tests are still being done on 10). Dave is also wanted in 4 countries as the leader of the popular gang, known as the Dangerous Ducks. Please do no feed Dave, as he is on a strict diet. #DaveTheDuck #ProgrammersTools #ImNotThatCrazy

I can’t count money as quick. I don’t know how to operate a cash register. I’m bad at following small tasks in the kitchen. Ex: girlfriend yells at me for putting unstrained yolk in recipe (after straining it).

I can’t lift heavy stuff. Out of breathe helping my mom move. My uncle told me, “if you can’t do that, how can you work?” Then he touts his son around proudly for being in the army. I felt like shit for years.

My cousins told me to get a job at McDonald’s to learn the value of a dollar. I spent all this time studying and hadn’t found a single job at the time (not that I was looking). I was living off financial aid and some income from an app that sold for a dollar on the App Store.

I would mess up if I worked there. It was depressing guys. These people who worked at McDonald’s and Starbucks. It was like a cool club that I couldn’t be a part of! I wanted to be that smooth barista at Starbucks with a smug look on my face. Making coffee for all the ladies and writing hearts next to their name on the cup.

The responsibilities of going to work day after day and blowing your paycheck at a meal at Denny’s with your friends. Complaining about not getting enough hours and talking about adult stuff! Sigh sigh sigh. Oh and taxes! Let’s complain about taxes on a single W-2 just for the hell of it (not sure why they do this when you can file a simple 1040EZ) even though we get a refund.

Then..

After many paid internships (roughly 3), now I may be receiving an offer that is 100k+ with a 401k and all benefits I can imagine. Free food up the wazoo. Gym on site. Happy hour Friday’s.

I brag about taking a shit for an hour at work and coworkers don’t give a shit. Or taking a day off to do personal errands anytime.

Having my own place in a nice area (though the cost of living is enough to take care of 3 families in another state). Supporting my girlfriend through school and helping her with her dreams of art.

Going to fancy dinners and not worrying about the bill afterwards.
Accidentally damaging my 2017 Honda Accord and not giving a fuck because I can pay $900 for repair with less than a week of work.

But I can’t help but think that all this time..

I could’ve just quit and worked at McDonalds. I could’ve been one of the cool kids..

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a rant with a capital R, this is gonna be a long one.

Our story begins well over a year ago while I was still in university and things such as "professionalism" and "doing your job" are suggestions and not something you do to not get fired. We had multiple courses with large group projects that semester and the amount of reliable people I knew that weren't behind a year and in different courses was getting dangerously low. There were three of us who are friends (the other two henceforth known as Ms Reliable and the Enabler) and these projects were for five people minimum. The Enabler knew a couple of people who we could include, so we trusted her and we let them onto the multiple projects we had.

Oh boy, what a mistake that was. They were friends, a guy and a girl. The girl was a good dev, not someone I'd want to interact with out of work but she was fine, and a literal angel compared to the guy. Holy shit this guy. This guy, henceforth referred to as Mr DDTW, is a motherfucking embarrassment to devs everywhere. Lazy. Arrogant. Standards so low they're six feet under. Just to show you the sheer depth of this man's lack of fucks given, he would later reveal that he picked his thesis topic "because it's easy and I don't want to work too hard". I haven't even gotten into the meat of the rant yet and this dude is already raising my blood pressure.

I'll be focusing on one project in particular, a flying vehicle simulator, as this was the one that I was the most involved in and also the one where shit hit the fan hardest. It was a relatively simple-in-concept development project, but the workload was far too much for one person, meaning that we had to apply some rudimentary project management and coordination skills that we had learned to keep the project on track. I quickly became the de-facto PM as I had the best grasp on the project and was doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

The first incident happened while developing a navigation feature. Another teammate had done the basics, all he had to do was use the already-defined interfaces to check where the best place to land would be, taking into account if we had enough power to do so. Mr DDTW's code:
-Wasn't actually an algorithm, just 90 lines of if statements sandwiched between the other teammate's code.
-The if statements were so long that I had to horizontal scroll to see the end, approx 200 characters long per line.
-Could've probably been 20 normal-length lines MAX if he knew what a fucking for loop was.
-Checked about a third of the tiles that it should have because, once again, it's a series of concatenated if statements instead of an actual goddamn algorithm.
-IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!

My response was along the lines of "what the fuck is this?". This dipshit is in his final year and I've seen people write better code in their second semester. The rest of the team, his friend included, agreed that this was bad code and that it should be redone properly. The plan was for Mr DDTW to move his code into a new function and then fix it in another branch. Then we could merge it back when it was done. Well, he kept on saying it was done but:
-It still wasn't an algorithm.
-It was still 90 lines.
-They were still 200 characters wide.
-It still only checked a third of the tiles.
-IT STILL DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!

He also had one more task, an infinite loop detection system. He watched while Ms Reliable did the fucking work.

We hit our first of two deadlines successfully. We still didn't have a decent landing function but everything else was nice and polished, and we got graded incredibly well. The other projects had been going alright although the same issue of him not doing shit applied. Ms Reliable and I, seeing the shitstorm that would come if this dude didn't get his act together, lodged a complaint with the professor as a precautionary measure. Little did I know how much that advanced warning would save my ass later on.

Second sprint begins and I'm voted in as the actual PM this time. We have four main tasks, so we assign one person to each and me as a generalist who would take care of the minor tasks as well as help out whoever needed it. This ended up being a lot of reworking and re-abstracting, a lot of helping and, for reasons that nobody ever could have predicted, one of the main tasks.

These main tasks were new features that would need to be integrated, most of which had at least some mutual dependencies. Part of this project involved running our code, which would connect to the professor's test server and solve a server-side navigation problem. The more of these we solved, the better the grade, so understandably we needed an MVP to see if our shit worked on the basic problems and then fix whatever was causing the more advanced ones to fail. We decided to set an internal deadline for this MVP. Guess who didn't reach it?

Hitting the character limit, expect part 2 SOON

There is a group of ladies who work in the accounting department at my job who have made it their mission to decorate the cubicle of whoever has a birthday on a given day. They come in at 6 am on someones birthday and decorate, leaving a mess of balloons and streamers, which is a nice surprise the first time it happens (they do it every year). Well, we in the IT office decided it would be fun to booby trap one of our cubicles so that when our birthday rolled in, they would receive a surprise of their own. So we set up a webcam as a motion detector, and had the computer speakers turned up as loud as possible, so that when motion was detected, the honorable Admiral Akbar would yell "It's A Trap!". We succeeded in scaring the pants off of them, and also annoying them because the sound did not stop until the program was exited, so they had to listen to it the entire time they did their setup. It was priceless xD

At a friend's party, I met one of the guys I've known from High school, and talk about what we've become:

Him: ...so yeah, now I study CS, I code some C, I dislike Java, blablablablabla I'm coding some OS and embedded software, blablablabla, and you, what do you code in?

Me: Oh, I learned everything I know by myself, still learning, and I'm mostly doing some PHP and Javascript. Doing websites and apps is cool.

Him: but those aren't programming languages? I mean, you can't manage memory, and blablablabla-

Me: Ó_Õ * Quickly dashed my ass off to talk with some ladies and boozed myself to forget what I just heard *

Ladies and gentlemen, my computer science colleagues:

The first documented time of "impressing ladies with my computer skills" 😄😄

I was 4 or 5 yrs old, using Windows 98 SE

And that was the world's leading professional social network, ladies and gentleman!

On being a woman in tech...

You lads probably have (and my fellow ladies certainly have) heard of "impostor syndrome" and, if you don't experience it, you possibly wonder what living with it is like.

Here's an example from this weekend.

Be me, about 5 years into my career, graduated from a top college, feeling decent but still unsure of skill.

Company gets a 4 week trial of an online learning website. It includes optional assessments, so that you know where in the video lessons to start. Rankings are novice, proficient, expert.

Hear from our QA that he got ranked "proficient." Which is a pretty broad category, but I become super afraid that I'll also be assessed as "proficient" and it will look like I have the same dev skills as a fucking QA (our management overlords can see our scores).

Boyfriend has me do some deep breathing before starting the test, because it's obvious how stressed I am.

Finally take it and get ranked "expert", in the 97th percentile, even though some technical difficulties made me miss four questions in a row. I decide to use my do over, and get ranked "expert" again, this time in the 99th percentile.

You'd think I'd be like, "Lawl, I can't believe I'd get the same score as our QA!" And there is some of that. But there's also the thoughts of, "that test could have been more thorough," "that score wasn't real because I resaw a question and got the right answer the second time," and "99th percentile isn't that great on a platform where new developers are over represented."

And this is all despite the fact that, if you were to ask someone how confident I am, the answer would probably "confident as hell."

Not saying this to start any fights. Figured it could be some interesting insight into a world that some people don't experience! (not that males aren't allowed to have impostor syndrome!)

What a day and what an achievement!!!

Today ladies and gentlemen I broke my record for number of passive aggressive “as per last email” comments, in a single email.

I now stand at 11

Today is a great day and I’d like to thank everyone not reading my emails who got me to this point. You guys are the real record holders!

Me: hello IE, you see that div with id?
IE: ...... ..... .... yes.
Me: would you like to set it as absolute and stick to bottom?
IE: ........... i don't know...
Me: but all the other guys like chrome and firefox are doing it.. come on it's not object-fit: cover; just absolute positioning. Please.
IE: ......... I can't!
Me: why the fuck not??
IE: ......because I don't see the id...
Me: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
IE:...............

Had a follow up meeting today to resolve the issue of Product ignoring our comments about possible issues, better ways to do it etc.

New rules:
- We are allowed to suggest to Product that they might be doing something wrong
- We are not allowed to tell product they are doing something wrong
- If Product don’t listen, that’s fine, we will document our comments to protect us later.

Conclusion:
Product are too sensitive to have a conversation with. We are now going to let them fuck everything up, make some notes and say “I told you so” at a later date.

Maturity at its finest ladies and gentlemen.

Assembly Programming is a misunderstood and tragically underutilized form of self-abuse.
While the ladies were off reading "50 Shades of Grey," I was reading the ARM ISA documentation.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a fork bomb in 2018. Thanks, Wikipedia.

Ladies (and gentleman), I present you the perfect dating app. Can't believe what I've been missing all these years

Boss's son (who, despite being 19 and having no formal education or experience, was head of the technical team, consisting of one ops guys, one part-time web developer, and one part-time data entry/programmer) brought a cross bow to work. Just strolled in with it one day and took it back to his office, walking past all the visibly uncomfortable employees. One of the marketing ladies said to him "wow that's a bit scary" but it had no effect. He also wore a trench coat and kept a flying squirrel in a sock in his pocket.

At another place (not doing dev work) I had my manger tell me to type more slowly to get all my hours in, as I was promised 20/wk but they had about 3 hours of work for me to do. I quit after a month.

Working from home, picking my own hours of work, being paid ridiculous sums of money, and of course, all the pretty ladies. Oh wait. I have none of that. :(

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you our very old TV which still works and doesn't break.

It's my birthday, gentlemen and ladies 😊

Vim development, ladies and gentlemen

Not me, but a colleague questioned himself for a while over this one. He simply forgot a semicolon when doing some server maintenance:

sudo yum remove application1 sudo yum remove application2

This didn't just remove application1 and 2, it removed sudo and yum too. One slightly embarrassing call to the ops team later, we had to replace the box.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should automate your server maintenance!

Code. Scotch neat. Happy Friday ladies and gentlemen.

And here Ladies and Gentlemen, we see some Code I hatte to discover.
(Actually the same method get's called)

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a brand new buzzword!

It's a shame devRant has gone to hell, but as the moderation seems to be non existent now in a time it's desperately needed, today I kill my ++ subscription.

This was the first community and probably the last I actually thought was worth investing in and making the most of, but it turns out I lost that gamble.

It's a shame really, this place used to be the absolute highlight of my day, you guys... and of course ladies, got me through a lot in life and a lot in my career and I'll appreciate the good times, but these days; well I don't even feel good about supporting this place, how the turns have tabled.

😕

Ladies and gentleman....welcome the new Mac Pro!

HTML:
How
To
Meet
Ladies

Doing my master thesis on finding the faulty nodes in an IoT mesh using deep learning.

See Ladies, I'm a fun guy!!!

So after you fucked your Ubuntu installation last year because you decided to `chmod -R 777 /` you are telling me that you did the same to /home and /var/lib because the former intern "told you so"?!?!

How can someone be SO FUCKING STUPID??
Fuck...
My boss ladies and gentleman...

Ladies and gents, may you all have the motivation to get all of your // TODOs // TODONE

So, after weeks of reading spicy rants from all of you, I finally decided to join your community ; even if I'm only a student, I've encountered some solid crap in my internships.

Let's go back in time bois. Two years ago, I started my first intership at a Fortune 500 company (this doesn't exists in France, but whatever, this is nearly the same category). I was supposed to build some file sharing system for the office. Before getting into it, I briefly thought aboyt what technos I could use to build it and make a sweet interface for my co-workers, in 10 weeks, and not a single another day.

Expectations
> Nice team with devs that I could ask things about and learn solid tricks that would even amaze David Copperfield
> Having a nice dev environment

Reality
> Alone on this project
> No fucking dev environment, I had to build everything on Notepad
> No CI
> No SCM
> And, the worst, Ladies and Gentlemans,

I FUCKING HAD TO WORK IN A SINGLE FILE IN A CLOSED ENVIRONMENT.
NO WEBSERVER, NO DEDICATED SPACE.
I HAD TO REQUEST A SPECIFIC ENVIRONMENT IN A CLOSED CUSTOM CMS THAT WAS SERVING FILES, SO THIS FORMAT COULD BE READ ON FOLDER OPENING IN IE9 (FIREFOX FORBIDDEN).
YOU HAD TO MIX HTML, CSS AND JS IN A SINGLE FILE. NO SERVER-SIDE LANGUAGES, ONLY STATIC LINKS, NO FRAMEWORKS (if we can call jQuery, Bootstrap, Semantic UI and all these thinks "Frameworks").

> mfw at the end of the intership

That is, ladies and gentlemen, what I call my real self.
Voilà!

Ladies and gentlemen... Can we please have a moment of silence for my PC which seems to be on her last legs...

CPU thermal throttling at 40 degrees celcius (CPU is on it's way out)
RAM is randomly having allocation errors
PSU isn't delivering optimal current
GPU only displays out of 2 DP ports

and for the very first time... Have had an SSD fail...

Pray for me people... Please

Need this.

A little late, and similar to other lovely ladies on here, but the greatest influencer for me is my husband.

He's always pushed me to learn more and be a better, cleaner coder. He taught me continuous integration, introduced me to the Atom editor, and showed me that my nerdy interests and choice of career can actually be quite attractive and not "intimidating" or "inappropriate” for a woman.

He's my go-to hackathon partner, my strictest code reviewer, and my life long teacher.

Ich liebe dich, mein Schatzelein! 😍

Although I dislike Microsoft tremendously, I had faith that they wouldn't be stupid enough to fuck up Github. Until I just read an article that the new CEO of Github will be the former CEO and co-founder of Xamarin, who says he wants to "make Github better at being Github".

A hybrid tool creator wants to make Github better. Ladies and gentlemen, we are fucked.

Ladies and gentlemen, the "unlimited" WiFi at my hotel...

The cleaning lady saga continues yet again..

Here in Belgium, cleaning ladies are paid with cheques. All fine and dandy, and apparently the parent organization (Sodexo) even migrated to digital cheques. Amazing!!!

If only they did it properly.

Just now I received an email with my login data.
Login: ${FIRSTNAME}${FIRST2CHARSOFLASTNAME}
Password: I won't reveal the amount of characters.. but it's not even hex. It's just uppercase letters, and far from what I'd deem even remotely secure. Hopefully I'll be able to change that shitty password shortly, and not get it mailed back, even when I ask for recovery. Guess I'll have to check that later - the person who made that account was pretty incompetent when it comes to tech after all. Don't ask me why they did it instead of me. I honestly don't really know either.

With that said, this is a government organization after all... Can I really expect them to hash their passwords?

The Humble bundle currently offers a bunch of Linux related books. Some gimp shit, and some blender shit.

The thing is, they have the Linux Programming interface by Michael Kerrisk for 30 dllrs(in total for everything)

Ladies and gents, that right there is a DAMN good deal. That book is fucking gold. Used it during Uni, didn't get to keep it. 30 bucks for a bunch of pdfs, ebook and mobi plus a book that for itself is worth more? Shiet son. It will pump up both your Linux and C chops I would tell ya that much.

I'd made that deal.

What about you Utivich, you'd made that deal?

Utivich: I'd made that deal.

I don't blame you. DAMN GOOD deal.

Linux Mint ladies and gentlemen

I will dedicate a separate rant for choosing an OS for my new laptop, as I was heavily disappointed in some OS-es

Got hired as a junior front end developer.
1 year later I am main java developer for two big projects.

Fuckery galore ladies and gents!

People/companies talking about ooh we want gender diversity we want more female software developers, IT professionals etc

You talk the talk, do you know how to walk the walk?? Do you know how to deal with female engineers?

I am a hardcore engineer worked and studied majorly with men for years. I lead, managed teams had my own company worked as a consultant for years.

Then I got into the IT industry as developer later. I was completely against the idea of being female would make any difference or you would be treated differently.

Finally I had my own enlightenment and stopped resisting that idea.

Some treatments made me think what are these guys doing? Don’t treat me like your sister. I am not your sister. Don’t see the femininity or looks. I am not a Merrilyn Monroe to say oooh you are great you know soo much. I am not paid for that act, I do my job! It’s same as yours mate.

Don’t underestimate me or try to preach me as if I am a cute little girl. Don’t show off and boost your ego next to other guys.

Now I regretfully I agree the ladies ranting about male dominance and getting different treatment in IT.

I am literally trying to avoid red nail polishes or red lipstick god forbid. Maybe I should put some fake beard and a belly, loose jeans with an energy drink in hand. Here comes the expert IT professional, already ticking a box.

Honestly you are not taken seriously most of the time. If you are a guy then they are all ears..And those guys talk about they want gender diversity blah blah

You feel like a ghost when you express your opinion. You are not taken into account even when you have a comment or suggestion.

Even humiliated by a guy giving me a speech about how to be a good developer next to a manager. Look buddy I am not a yesterday’s child. I am at your age. I haven’t come to this position by jumping around picking flowers in a field. If I was a man, would you dare saying those to me? There could be a street fight coming.

LinkedIn selfie takers with body show offs putting ooh I am an IT recruiter as a female I got into IT. You can do it too. (don’t get me wrong I respect that achievement that’s good) but those girls get thousands of likes and applauses, you are working in IT for years people say they are seeking for. Your technical post doesn’t even get 20 likes. Your encouraging comment on a guy’s post isn’t even acknowledged. You are not even taken into account. Am I a ghost or something?

Honestly I don’t understand.

What do you mean by gender diversity? What do you want here?

Leave this gender bullshit. Look at the knowledge you don’t even know what equality means. It’s not having even numbers of genders. It is respecting knowledge and hard work regardless. Listening and acknowledging without judgement. Looking beyond male, female or others

Companies that say we want to have more females, you don’t come and knock on my door either. You are already stating a difference there. Attract with indifference don’t come and tell me you are a female we want more females here.

I’m telling you this sector is not getting proper gender equality for 25 years. Talk is there but mentality is not yet there.

I am super pissed off and discouraged today. I don’t even get discouraged that easily. Now I understand some women in IT talking about insecurities. I am on the edge of having one, such a shame.

Don’t come at me now I would bite!

This is my generalisation yes. Exceptions apply and how good it would have been if those exceptions were dominant.

Holy shit why can't you just work. Stop talking about your kids from 9 am to 5pm with the orther person sitting next to you who clearly wants to get some work done.

Also, good on you for baking a cake and your kid saying this is the best cake. Every kid says that to your parent.

FFS, shut up and work, and let people around you work.

P.S. I need good headphones, preferably in ear wireless buds. I'm waiting for Pixel Buda 2.

I know H.T.M.L ( How to Meet Ladies) ☺

The alternative.io to WebStorm

Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Back in 2009 when I started coding, some dickhead told me to not learn Vim because professional developers normally use IDEs for shit instead of text editors.

Being the kind of person that I am, I shrugged him off as the cocksucker that he was and decided to learn Vim anyway.

Fast forward to 2015 up to 2018

I
Use
That
Bitch
Religiously

At work. For fucking everything since it is what you have when you ssh into a server and lemme tell ya this:

I you guys thought being a Vim master ain't dropping no one's panties....boy u wrong af.

And nano is fine too, but why settle for less when you can be a complete vim black wizard?

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you need properly tested backups!

TL;DR: user blocked on old gitlab instance cascade deleted all projects the user was set as owner.

So, at my customer, collegue "j" reviews gitlab users and groups, notices an user who left the organisation
"j" : ill block this user
> "j" blocks user
> minutes pass away, working, minding our own business
> a wild team devops leader "k" appears
k: where are all the git projects?
> waitwut?.jpg
> k: yeah all git projects where user was owner of, are deleted
> j.feeling.despair() ; me.feeling.despair();
> checks logs on server, notices it cascade deletes all projects to that user
> lmgt log line
> is a bugreport reported 3(!) years ago
> gitlab hasnt been updated since 3 years
> gitlab system owner is not present, backup contact doesnt know shit about it
> i investigate further, no daily backup cron tasks, no backup has been made whatsoever.
> only 'backups' are on file system level, trying to restore those
> gitlab requires restore of postgres db
> backup does not contain postgres since the backup product does not support that (wtf???)
> fubar.scene
> filesystem restore finished...
> backup product did not back up all files from git tree, like none of refs were stored since the product cannot handle such filenames .. Git repo's completely broken

Fuck my life

THE TIME HAS COME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I finished the avatar editor on the rewrite. It works so well.

After trial and error in design, API reversing and more, I've finally done it.

So I'm job hunting and trying to beat ATS systems like the cool programmer I try to be.

Same company, two postings - first position I sent my resume to, rejected me after a day. Second position that I optimized my resume about 2% more, immediate interview request.

Here's the kicker, interview is done using an AI.

So basically I spent time trying to beat one robot just to be video interviewed by another robot.

Welcome to the future ladies and gents.

WebDev jobs should come with big warning signs:
"You absolutely will lose your sanity!"
"IE11 might indirectly lead to impotence!"
"You won't get laid more often by using CSS Grid!"
"You will have to fix websites which only appear broken on iOS Safari!"
"Get some extra terabytes ready for your node modules!"
"Get ready to yarnify your npm dockerized webassembly blobs while gulping on your mocha chai latte with no karma!"

Can't we just go back to the good old times with Quick Basic and chill?
Man, the ladies were flocking around those programmer boyz, I tell ya... Klickety klackety on the mechanical

!dev

I'm always somewhat pissed off since i don't have a developer job - barely even a tech job. I scan patient charts into pdfs > a server, and that's as complicated as my job description gets. i sit and scan. my computer is (supposed to be) nothing other than a display for managing the scanned charts.

what really killed me though is that one time, we got a new MFC because our old one was, well, obviously broken beyond their patience level. They told me i'd be "Helping".
I got to cut open the box.
whoop dee fucking doo. Tech assist of the century ladies and gents.

That being ine of the worst cases, there's always the times when they talk to their IT guy and never forget to call him an asshole after simply because they don't like it when they don't understand stuff. I've texted him a few times and he's actually very pleasant to talk with and does his job well. just grinds my gears

(and being the IT guy is not available as an alternative. the job is 1. obviously filled, and 2. I installed a word document password bruteforcer, which they in turn told the doctor who told the IT guy and made it sound like i had developed it - of course, this being a pretty professional clinic, he suggested i get fired. so now any hope of me actually doing what I love there is pretty hopelessly out of my reach>

Look, I'm not even mad that your dataset is the spaghettiest of all spaghetti, but why do you have ten different jupyter notebook files lying around?

I mean, I'm not implying that a monkey has more brain in his armpit than you have in your entire body, but like, you call this a dataset while all over seen so far is half-processed garbage. You could've just dipped your pc in sewage and the results would still be cleaner than this.

Luckily, your paper is half decent so what the hell, let's see if I can fish anything useful out of this. But I swear to god if I come across another static path in this... And here we go! Another static path! Ladies and gentlemen, I propose we get this guy's phd back until he learns to fucking do a decent code.

(It's actually a massively complicated project, so it kinda makes sense to be this big of a mess. But still!)

Dear ladies, gentlemen, and other genders:

TODAY I PASSED!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰😛💖🥰💖😛😛

World’s largest social media platform, ladies and gentleman

im chinese. i pronounce 'ladies first' like 'redis first'.

Currently work in HR and among others I used to recruit cleaning ladies. They often don't care to much for rules so sometimes one them just doesn't show up, doesn't answer phone calls or mails. Couple of years ago, one of our own colleagues did the same.. It is known among colleagues as 'pulling a Copperfield' as they just disappear. :)

Ladies and gentleman, I've done it.
Remove your hacker game trophies from your wall.
That nasty bug you fixed a couple of nights ago? Meh.
Your top devRant post? You'll delete it after reading this.
Every awesome accomplishment you can think of: it all means shit now.

>> I have SUCCESSFULLY changed my business Microsoft account password into something I can remember AND Microsoft accepted it in under an hour of trying!!!!! <<

I want to say a big FUCK YOU to MICROSOFT for WASTING MY BLOODY TIME.

FUCK YOU for giving me a max of 16 characters. DASB&(*(&G*HH*& for telling me every time my password is 100% strength and then after every submit tell me I have to change it AGAIN because it should be harder to guess. WUT?! It was 16 characters including a (capital) letter, number and multiple special characters, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! UNICODE EMOJI'S???!!! ALLOW ME TO USE MORE CHARACTERS SO I WILL MAKE IT HARDER TO GUESS IT, IT'S 2018 FFS.
I don't even understand why my new password is accepted compared to the other one, but fuck it I can access my account again.
Now I might have to find a new job before the company password policy kicks in again.

/me drops everything and walks out of the office to get wasted (not sure if celebrating or just really pissed off)

Ladies and gentlemen, I installed Linux on my brother's computer!

Just read a comment on rant that stated "You’d be surprised as how disgusting people are especially in the work setting.". In regard to bathrooms. This reads true, for my current place of work

I was about to reply to that, but I thought this is worthy of a rant of its own. Allow me to quote some emails...

"We have had reports of excrement being left on toilet seats, which surely could be seen by the person responsible before they left the cubicle. "

"very poor toilet hygiene in some the ladies toilets.

Firstly, someone person should I say.... has used a toilet brush to clear a blockage in the Ladies loo nearest [removed]. They obviously couldn't unblock the toilet due to the density of the blockage and therefore.. returned the brush to it's holder full of the blockage!! "

"The phantom "snot" wiper is back and is using the back of the toilet door nearest the [removed] as a tissue! Again.. the poor Cleaner has had to clean this up... "

"Toilet paper being put in the Urinal blocking the system in [removed] and faeces being left on the toilet floor in [removed]. This goes without saying that this can't go on and it's not the cleaners job to be cleaning such messes! "

Its ever worse in our other office that contains a call centre. A lady was fired for leaving shit in the stairwells on multiple instances. She had been fired from her last role for the same thing.

There were also reports of subway subs been left in the toilet bowl.

You also find the most curious items in the waste bins (they have no lid, we're not search through them - just to make that clear) everything from half eaten sandwiches to watermelon.

Ladies and gentlemens, my everyday workstation.. at work.

i5-5300 2,30Ghz, 8gb ram and 128ssd. Bloated external screen with low resolution and even lower colour saturation.

Running VM, handling big as images, editing and a tiny bit coding.. and they wonder why I'm asking for a new setup..

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.)

Cheers ☕

Update to my "I broke prod" rant:

- I managed to unfuck it on the same evening.
- Worked fine for one day
- Crashed today morning
- Can't fix it because I had surgery yesterday and am on sick leave currently
=> Probably gonna result in me VPNing into the comp network and RDPing into the prod instance to analyse the failure

Yep, ladies and gents, more open heart surgery on the menu!

Open Source 101

Teacher : Ubuntu only supports GUI on terminal no 7, that's because more GUI's would slow the system.

Me : *startx (enter)*

Ladies...one at a time!!

I think this a perfect anecdote of where tech is going nowadays:

I moved my bowels on one of those high-tech Japanese toilets: it allowed you to control the seat temperature, cleaned your butt with spray (with an additional "ladies" mode), had several modes of flushing (1, 2, and "eco"), automatically lifted and closed the lid, played some music for you, had a remote controller for you to flush your shit at a distance.

But, guess what, IT DIDN'T FLUSH SHIT. It pathetically trying to flush my shit with 1000 different kinds of puny jets and draining modes but my heap of shit always bounced back because its flush was so weak that it couldn't push it.

I don't care if the seat warmer went out of control and burned my ass or if the butt cleaning jet didn't reach my anus,
JUST DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO AND FLUSH MY SHIT.

No rant here but just wanted to remind the ladies and gentlemen to take that break and spend time with your family or friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, and pets. If someone s been meaning to do it and got bogged down by work, I hope this serves as a reminder.

!rant

My love for Clojure is so deep that I have invested the whole company. Over the past months just everyone came up to me and asked me, if I may teach them some Clojure programming. With everyone I mean literally everyone working in this company - fellow programmers, the ladies from HR, the Sales Team and even the CEO.

So today I gave a two hour introduction to the whole team on how to Clojure (in absolute basic terms).

The team has just voted that we will do that every friday starting next week for the rest of the year.

If you have passion, show it.

query for ladies

> woke up.
> 6 new connections awaiting confirmation on linkedin
> sweetmotherofgod.mxf
> investigates those recruiters
> dis just some nice looking ladies
> looks at the company
> WTF.🅱️
> turns out they are all from the same company
> declined
> went to sleep

Alright ladies and Gents, i find this topic very interesting but who cannot code without listening and who cannot code without silence

If your in the music listening category, what music genre hits that coding sorcery zone for you?

That is the new revolutionary way to make things responsive, ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen, Introducing Rezn0v-Jr, this guy was born(created) yesterday on an underperforming device later shifted to my primary device. And is not complete machine learning type. He is Pythonborn (eh.. not Dragonborn). For now he can't understand human response but only can speak (print) few sentences.

PS- Chemistry exam on Tuesday
Update- I dropped my phone again right after post finished uploading.

Startup-ing 101, from Fitbit:
- spy on users
- sell data
- cut production costs
- mutilate people's bodies, leaving burn scars that will never heal
- announce the recall, get PR, and make the refund process impossibly convoluted
- never give actual refunds
- claim that yes, fitbit catches fire, but only the old discontinued device, just to mess with search results and make the actual info (that all devices catch fire) hard to find
- try hard to obtain the devices in question, so people who suffered have no evidence
- give bogus word salad replies to the press

This is what one of the people burned has to say:
"I do not have feeling in parts of my wrist due to nerve damage and I will have a large scar that will be with me the rest of my life. This was a traumatic experience and I hope no one else has to go through it. So, if you own a Fitbit, please reconsider using it."

Ladies and gentlemen, cringefest starts. One of fitbit replies:
"Fitbit products are designed and produced in accordance with strict standards and undergo extensive internal and external testing to ensure the safety of our users. Based on our internal and independent third party testing and analysis, we do not believe this type of injury could occur from normal use. We are committed to conducting a full investigation. With Google's resources and global platform, Fitbit will be able to accelerate innovation in the wearables category, scale faster, and make health even more accessible to everyone. I could not be more excited for what lies ahead".

In the future, corporate speech will be autogenerated.

(if you wear fitbit, just be aware of this.)

Soooo.. facebook got breached today, 50 million accounts compromised. I'm sure that will help their stock price.. 😂

Change your passwords, ladies and gents!

I'm too ignorant about the rituals you need to do for dating.

I don't usually befriend ladies, I would just keep my distance. being a little cold to them, not hanging around, not chatting too much with them, just a greeting if possible

1. I try to get a little closer(just a little. to avoid da frend zone) to those I'm interested
2. I ask them to a date
3. If she refuses then back the 'being cold' attitude.
4. If she accepts... Haven't happened so I don't fucking know D:

I'm just inept at dealing with landing a date (not coding affecting my dating)

I suck with the ladies :( I turned 25 last week and have only dated 1 girl because my retarded ass decided to ignore dating until I have time and my situation is stable and now that I'm old and don't know how to get into a relationship I'm starting to regret my past decisions...

G’day dev rant community, Im bloody annoyed, so what happened was i finished college about 1pm had a mad feed at grilled happy as fred, walking the streets of sydney past UTS - and thennnn “OMG HELLO CAN U STOP AND TALK TO ME?” And me silly enough give her 5 minutes of my precious time, mind you she is bloody yelling as she is talking ##%%#ing land whale!! “Can you please donate $5 a week to this charity - mind you its a ####ing scam- then another dude comes out of no where saying “oh has she been nice to you?” - me “ oh absolutely “ and in my mind im saying “no #%#%ing way does this blabbering whale normally speak like this”...

Then it only gets on my nerves “oh are you poor are you?? I know it must be extremely stressful and expensive living in sydney” he says , man who tf are these annoying pricks annoying people heading into and out of work?? How dare you say im poor you dont know me?!

Anyways ladies and gentlemen I sincerely hope you all have a great day or night wherever you may be!

Kind regards
Milo

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It's Friday. You know what that means.....

Don't touch nuffin' and DOCUMENT.

Ladies and gentlemen.. Google IO 2018

I just felt like Google is the best player out there in terms of Companies.
Seriously, Well played Google.
This is not a negative opinion, I am just awe-struck at its tactics.
See, Google is currently the biggest name in terms of development in Android, ML and multi-platform software but no one can say it being a monopoly due to its dedication to open source community.
Recently Android emerged out to be One of the Biggest , most advanced, trusted and loved Technology . It saw great achievements, and up till 2016-17, it was at its peek. BUT when the market started shifting towards multi-platform boons and Ai, it got its hands into that too with its flutter and kotlin environment
One could have a negative opinion about this, But i can't seem to engulf the vast amounts of positive situations i see in this:
1) this IO18 (and many months before that) saw ML/AI being incorporated in Android (also the arcore, proje tango and many more attempts in the past) meaning that Android will not officially "die". It will just become an extremely encouraged platform( not just limited to mobiles) and a beginning of the robot -human reality ( a mobile is handling everything of your everyday life: chats, music apps sxhedules, alarms, and with an actively interacting ML, it won't be long when Android comes installed in a green bug lime droid robot serving you tea xD). Meanwhile the market of Windows games may shift to mobiles or typically " Android games" (remember, Android won't be limited to mobiles)
2)java may or may not die. The animations and smooth flow it seems to provide is always appreciated but kotlin seems to do so too. As for the hard-core apps, they are usually written in c++ .So java is in the red zone
3) kotlin-native and Flutter will be the weapons of future , for sure. they will be developing multi-platform softwares and will be dividing the market of softwares into platform specific softwares(having better ml/ai interactions,animations) and platform independent apps(access and use anywhere softwares).
And where does google stand?Its the lord varys of game of thrones which just supports and enhances the people in the realm. So it benefits the most . That's a company for you, ladies and gentlemen! If seen from common eyes they seem to be the best company ever and our 1 true king but it can also be a very thick fur cloak hiding their negetive policies and tactics , if any.

Well played, Google.

So fallout 76 gameplay is allowed to be released to the public by creators and there is Google hardware stuff going on... This is going to be a tough week for my news feed ladies and gentlemen

Alright ladies and no so gentle men...

The time has come for me to ditch dropbox (Because fuck wanting to use ext4 and also have some spare CPU usage when syncing a single fucking file) and migrate everything from my art storage to some old prototypes into private github repo's...

Prepare to see a shit tonne of rants about me forgetting how to git and all that kinky shit...

Wish me luck *salutes*

Ladies and gents, it was a 🍺 day, today.

I spent more hours than I care to say today tracking down an issue in our web workflow, even looping in our only web dev to help me debug it from his side. There ended up being multiple bugs found, but the most annoying of them was that the json data being pulled back was truncated because a certain someone, in their migration script, set their varchar variable to a size of 1000 and then proceeded to store a json string that was 2800+ characters in length.

C'mon man!

I got nothing productive done today. Hate, hate, hate days like this!

Beer me.

Turn off readahead when you talk to ladies you'll get better performance.
Just relax and enjoy.

Ladies and gents,

It feels amazing to learn a new language. I feel like a French guy learning Swahili with ease. Or a game mod creator turning on God mode.

HTML - How To Meet Ladies

So I have a date tomorrow. First meeting in person. I’ve got a little time to kill before hand, and need to learn Dart anyway....so I thought it would be fun to code her up something interactive. Kinda like that game Mr and Mrs. Only in the terminal, and for nerds.

Features, ladies and gentleman?

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Has someone of you created a sexy looking gallery for the web and maybe got it on github to let me throw an eye on it?
It would be sooooo fucking nice!

Wore a shirt to work with the github logo on it the other day. Ive never had so many ladies start convos with me. #octocatFTW #theyThinkHeCuteDoe #camelCase

Ladies, gentlemen and fellow Aussie ranters....

Today is the day, I finnaly admit defeat on running GMS2 on a Linux distro...

Depsite the use of multiple wine version, swapping between 32 and 64 bit installations, throwing mono in as well as attempting with .NET core, even with all of the above at once (Don't ask).

With many hours behind me and many... many... many broken installs and dead VM's, I am admitting defeat.

The war between me and wanting to use a product I paid for where ever I wanted has come to an end and I am the only casualty in this war.

*Salutes and the last post starts playing in the distance*

happy new year, my ladies and dudes.
let's hope this shit show ends soon.

Algorithm - When a programmer doesn't wanna explain what he did.

he/she* for all the ladies out there ;-)

[this post is not a joke, it's about health, ladies might want to avoid reading it as it about defecating]

i did mindfulness during shitting and i think more people shud try this.
instead of just pooping without giving any attention to it or using phone while pooping, you can use your phone for guided meditation with apps like Trip, Calm, ...
While shitting I noticed small things like the water tap, I slowly rotated it; first the water came in drops(listen to it), then in a small stream, then a turbulent flow.
If your attention drifts away, gently observe that its a thought and let it pass.
focus on what is happening right now. Feel how your anus vibrates to fart, giving a tingling sensation.
focus on how the turd comes out of the anus, the way it expands your sphincter muscles and finally drops in the crapper.

Practice gratitude. I realised how lucky I'm to shit comfortably in solidarity, many people in the world don't even have such privilege.
I feel good that I've flush mechanism in my toilet and 24x7 water supply. The shitting time can be utilised in a very positive way like this.
Look at your shit and wonder this used to be food, and be grateful to your digestive system.

Follow up to the follow up rant: ubuntu broke.

I tried searching for my git client I had installed: not found.

: Git status
Command not found (even though I’d used it less than an hour earlier)

*restart to see if that fixes it*

My laptop: STEP RIGHT UP STEP RIGHT UP LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL TTY LOGIN SCREEN WITH NO GUI WHATSOEVER. THANK YOU THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Ladies and gentlemen... It finally happened... I finally killed a Linux install!

Was stuck at 1024 x 768, installed NVIDIA drivers, crashed, restarted and ended up in an endless login screen loop and then boom, crash and is no longer recognised in Grub.

Don't know what I did seeing as the machine hasn't been on for 3 days ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Guess I'll have to do a reinstall when I have internet again!

In a heavily crowded metro sitting on a ladies senior citizens seat with my 16" laptop almost getting out of hand or pushed by nearby ppl until some oldie got tired of my shit and asked me to stand up.

Imagine the most messed up system of connections on a laptop because i am a droid guy whose laptop had 3 wires coming out of ports (laptop charging cable, usb and earphones)

I'm so fucking non-agry right now and really feel like posting the following:

What do you fucks do when not waiting for Windows updates to finish, compiling Linux kernels or waiting for job interviews? What do you guys/ladies do for fun? What would you do if you didn't have to work in this, at times, horseshit tech industry?

I like exploring cities and villages by foot or bike with a backpack full of beer. My wife and I have explored more than 200 places across 3 continents, from London to Chernobyl to out of the way Cambodian towns and 20 hour drunken Paris hikes. We drink in parks like hobos and try to strike up conversations with everyone we meet, especially other foreigners/immigrants.

I also love Formula 1 and try to watch a race at least once a year (went to Monza last year).

If I had many bucks and a smarter/sharper brain I would get a pilot's license...but alas..

I also love playing colorful little kids games on my 3DS.

So yeah, curious what you guys do for fun? Any dreams for the future?

Answering this question is compulsory!

Wake up and smell the coffee once in a while, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies, gentlemen and other genders, I present to you: Chrome Refresh. Yes, when the app is full screen, the leftmost tab's left edge looks like this.

Sorry.

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you, the ninja-syntax theme!

"Hey guys we originally set the demo date to August 5th and thus far I have not seen any previews before that, what's going on here?"

Ok see, that is the kind of thing that I would take to me own lil broken heart IF:
1 It was coming from a product manager at where I work

2 He would never get any sort of updates or would just plain not know about us

3 He would be I dunno....fucking paying us?

This is the thing, a friend offered the chance to help him build a product for a business man somewhere down in the land of tacos. Being in a "fuck it" mood and not wanting to say no since it sounded interesting enough I said yes. The "owner" said that he would not be able to pay since he already had hired a team of developers before that did not deliver and as such he was instead offering a part of the company.....sounds familiar?

Not wanting to let my friend down, I told the owner that I would help just as long I get complete CTO power over the product and not crying about the stack being used or ME NOT GIVING THE PRODUCT MY FULL ATTENTION BECAUSE HE WAS NOT FUCKING PAYING.

He said ok.

Of course he did not like it, but he said ok.

He has been asking for the code, the platform, demos and a bunch of other shit which I continue to refuse since he has not offered me or my boy a copy of the legal documents that we require.

Him: "You will get them soon enough, I still need to see the product just to make sure everything is ok"

Me: "You wouldn't even know where to begin looking unless you have a third party that could verify the code, last time I checked I was to be the only one good for this"

Him: "Yeah and you and <friend> are, but I just need to see the product"

Me: "I send you videos and demos, sorry dude, but no binding document == no code. I know you think I am young, give me some fucking credit because this is not my first rodeo"

Him: "I am not trying to play you or anything, you can trust me"

Me: "No, not really. Talk to me about this when you get the documents"

Him: "Well its cuz this is taking too long...."

Me: "Tssss I know!!! It sucks right? Want a good product, built with all the bells and whistles and YOU DON'T WANT TO PAY? guess what dude, I do have a full time job, your product gets my minimal attention, right there at the bottom next to taking a shit, meaning that I will give your product the same time and attention as I would going to the throne. Aye don't feel that bad, I normally take about 1 hour on the shitter, you get that for fucking free."

To be fair ladies and gents I normally don't just explode on people like this. But I just can't fathom not paying someone for a rather large software product, with only a promise that "it will sell" and then telling them to hurry up.

Far as I am concerned this product will flop, but he seems to think it is the next big thing(of course).

He can go choke on some chode.

Fucking prick.

Currently working on a new project with a group of people, (about 8 guys, no ladies 😒).

Anyways, out of the eight, there are only 3 devs, 3 designers and 2 main idea guys. I'm a member of all 3 sets and to top it of, the other designers don't know what they are doing.

Life is beautiful, fucking beautiful.

Ladies and gentleman 🤪 its almost weekend!!!!

++ For extra gud weekend 🤲🤪

Silverstripe ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am liking Swift and XCode.

I'm shitting there hammering out some code butchering some real problems when I suddenly realise I'm surrounded. I look around and yes it's the bloody committee.

The committee is what I call the rest of the department and it is dominated by the old guard which comprises of the programmers that have been around for longer.

None of the old guard can program particularly well but because they had been around the longest they'd all grown senior. The committee had free reign but anyone else doing anything differently has to get approval from the committee.

The only way to code otherwise was to copy and paste existing code then to primarily rename things. If anyone did anything that hadn't been seen before then it would have to be approved by the committee. Individual action was not permitted unless you were old guard.

I swept my headphones away expecting it to be something unimportant. It was.

First things first they announce. We're going to add extraneous commas to the last element of all possible lists separated by comma including parameters or so they say. Ask but why so I do.

Because the language now supports it. They added support for it so it must be the right way someone proclaimed. Does it? I didn't realise we were waiting for it. Why do we want it though?

Didn't you hear? It's all over the blogosphere. It massively improves merge requests. But how I ask?

Five minutes later I grow tired of the chin stroking, elbow harnessing, slanted gazes into the yonder and occasionally hearing maybe its because and ask if they mean when you for example add an element the last element registers as changed from adding a comma. Turns out that's all it is.

How often do we see that tiny distraction and isn't it pointless to make the code ugly just for a tiny transient reduction in diff noise I ask. Everyone's stumped. This went on and on and got worse and worse. But it makes moving things around easy half of them say in unison like the bunch of slobs that they are. I mean really. It doesn't make expanding and contracting statements from multiline to single line easy and it's such a stupid thing. Is that all they do all day? Move multi-line method parameters up and down all day? If their coding conventions weren't totally whack they wouldn't have so many multiline method prototypes with stupid amounts of parameters with stupidly long types and names. They all use the same smart IDE which can also surely handle fixing the last comma and why is that even a concern given all the other outrageously verbose and excessive conventions for readability?

But you know what, who cares, fine, whatever. Lets put commas all over the shop and then we can all go to the pub and woo the ladies with how cool and trendy we are up to date with all the latest trends and fashions then we go home with ten babes hanging off each arm and get so laid we have to take a sick day the following to go to the STD clinic. Make way for we are conformists.

But then someone had to do it. They had to bring up PSR. Yes, another braindead committee that produces stupid decisions. Should brackets be same line or next line, I know, lets do both they decided. Now we have to do PSR and aren't allowed to use sensible conventions.

But why, I ask after explaining it's actually quite useful as a set of documents we can plagiarise as a starting point but then modify but no, we have to do exactly what PSR says. We're all too stupid apparently you see. Apparently we're not on their level. We're mere mortals. The reason or so I'm told, is so that anyone can come in and is they know PSR coding styles be able to read and write the code. That's not how it works. If you can't adjust to a different style, a more consistent style, that's not massively bizarre or atypical but rather with only minor differences from standard styles, you're useless. That's not even an argument, it's a confession that you've got a lump of coal where your brain's supposed to be.

Through all of this I don't really care because I long ago just made my own code generators or transpilers that work two ways and switch things between my shit and their shit but share my wisdom anyway because I'm a greedy scumbag like that.

Where the shit really hit the fan is that I pointed out that PSR style guide doesn't answer all questions nor covers all cases so what do we do then. If it's not in PSR? Then we're fucked.

Fuuuuuuuuucking hell. I have a program that parses and generates information from shit I have in a database into a csv file. Shit was simple enough to be done in Python.

Trying to present that shit into fucking pdf files? without drawing shit on x,y coordinates like a retard or without downloading a fucking obscure number of bs shit into the computer? on a fucking WINDOWS machine? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Ok no problem. Do it in Node. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK more bullshit with drawing shit line by line. fuck this.

Lol not even going to touch java or c# for this, this is quick.

mmmh perl? nah, php? nah

Well shit I just need to generate data from a csv into a html template and send it away as a docume....go? ok lets....ah....done

Go wins again in my book ladies and gentlemen

It even has fewer lines of code than the php experiments

I know HTML. That's right, I know How To Meet Ladies

Much like traditional engineering I can see software engineering suddenly becoming very very regulated around the world. Different systems safety bodies will open up for things like embedded systems development where their is a risk of harm, mandatory security standards will be put in place etc.

Enjoy the cowboy days ladies/gents/others regulatory bodies are on their way!

!dev

Ladies... I promise that your men (most of them) are trying... We fail a lot, but we are trying...

Where are my fellow ladies at?
How do you battle imposter syndrome in the classroom or workplace?

=== Was in my room when the conversation started. Thought it was a joke until i heard a knock on my door ===
[Mom:] Hey Julie, i need you to top up my PC.
[Julie(My kid Sis):] You mean update?
[Mom:] No silly, upgrade! I already have a windows 7 pro and i have just bought the disk for Windows 8 and 10 pro.
[Julie(My kid Sis):] Which should i install first.
[Mom:] You can first install the windows 10 so i can have a windows 17 pro then install the 8 to sum it up.
[Dad:] Lol, holy cow. what are you ladies discussing over there? You wanna crash the PC i just bought?
[Julie(My kid Sis):] No dad, just tryna upgrade windows.
[Dad:] Got that already! Just make sure you first uninstall before install, then after installing all and you don't get a windows 25 pro-plus, just call Giddy he's in his room or return the disks back to the vendor and get a full refund!
[Me:] :/

macOS Monterey, ladies and gentlemen!

200 UPVOTES LADIES AND GENTS. HELL YEAH

!rant

Heyo ladies and gents :)
Due to a personal project I have in mind I'm looking for a body camera that permits to upload recorded videos to a personal server. Does anyone have any reccomendations?

Am I weird or is working in bars awesome?!

I mean I can never get any serious work done, but if I'm just routing PCBs; no better place to work than noisy bar at half capacity.

P.S. : Wouldn't have thought it, but KiCAD is a hit with the ladies!

P.P.S. : Well, the kind of ladies I'd like to talk to.

I provide training for our clients on our company CMS after having built them their sites.

I once had 3 ladies could me in for their FREE training session who were incredibly rude. They I territories me mid sentence to talk about unrelated stuff, spoke over me, were clearly uninterested in learning the system, and devolved the meeting into their own board meeting.

I didn't know how to deal with such rudeness without being rude back long story short they left having learned nothing, too dumb to work the system out themselves and I find ways to be unhelpful each time they ring up to ask for support they haven't paid for...

Ladies, gentlemen and other genders — I present to you: Stalin’s granddaughter, Chrese Evans.

And this ladies and gentlemen, is why we have backups.
In the rather stupid event that you completely fuck something up, you can go back to the way things were.

I accidentally rm -rf 'd the wrong shit.
And then my terminal broke. Couldn't access anything.
Had a small backup of all my files.

Quickly ran a restore while some crucial things files were still alive in RAM.

Timeshift is fucking life saver.

Hey Friends! - Milo here once again, just would love to update all of my friends here today on my previous post! I managed to get my line graph working ! 😄 honestly ladies and gentlemen im literally so proud of this feature, staying up last night till 3am and being able to present my project to my classmates was a great success! I think tonight ill be able to sleep in peace :-) ,

Well everyone I’d like to take the time and say thank you for reading my post, as always it means alot!.

Kind regards,
Milo ☺️❤️👍🏼

The key to any good relationship is compromise. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the 2-4-tab alternating space indent style!

if (x) {
somemethod();
}
else if (y)
{
someOtherMethod();
} else {
iDontKnowHowToTabOnAndroidMethod();
}

Heyy friends :-) Milo here once again, i hope everyone is having an absolutely amazing day as always and I really hope the upcoming week ahead brings everyone the best ☺️.

So I have finally managed to hand in all my major projects for my semester last Friday (yay less stress 😅) but tomorrow i have a final presentation to do (wish me luck 😅) ... boy am I nervous, but as of right now I’m just going over my slides ahah 😄.

So in my free time over the next couple of weeks I’m really planning on gaining a better understanding of algorithms , I’d love some input from
Anyone and any advice I’d highly appreciate!, currently i have a book called introduction to algorithms third addition sitting on my desktop and I’ve been reading some of that 😃..

So ladies and gents, once again thank you for taking the time to read my
Rambling and long post.. i just have a habit of rambling on 😄.. my bad , once again - thank you!

Milo 😃❤️

Not a dev question but a cultural question for any of the German devs I’ve seen post here.

My American daughter is living in Germany on an exchange student program. She’s frustrated right now because her host dad and host brother are being really rude and impatient with her over her difficulties with speaking the language. She currently writes it better than she speaks but that and her efforts to keep trying don’t seem to matter to them. This conflict spills over into other social interactions. They constantly berate and make fun of her over everything. The host mom and host sister are nicer and more patient. But they also have to put up with this boorish behavior from the males.

On a train ride home, my daughter was sexually propositioned no less than three times in one hour by three different men. And at festivals she went to where there was lots of drinking, it was even worse.

A German exchange student we once had living with us here in the US regularly broke program rules, slept around, and even downloaded child porn on our network (highly illegal and alarming). My wife was the coordinator for many years to govern the students who came here from many countries and we struggle to think of any but one or two German boys who acted like gentlemen toward ladies.

So is it just a “German guy” thing and commonly accepted in the culture? Or is this type of behavior generally frowned upon and these guys are just in a minority of jerks that we keep having the bad luck of running into?

I know the same question can be and is often asked about American men, too. But I’m more interested in knowing how Germans view Germans who act this way.

The rear ducking continues. We've built a reliable translator in the dumbest fucking way possible, it's just lovely. I simply reused the structure for feeding data to the VM assembler, an array of arrays, where there's one array of (ins [args]) per node in the parse tree.

It's nice because nodes can be solved out of order without affecting the actual sequence in which the instructions are output. And if one statement (node) equals multiple instructions, you just push multiple entries to the corresponding array, or push nothing if you need to output nothing. Easy as goblin pie.

This is enough to convert an input language to the assembly-like intermediate representation we use for the virtual machine. So then there's doing it backwards: walk the same array of arrays, and map those virtual instructions to a physical architechture. I guess I could do the encoding to native binary myself, it'd certainly be interesting to try, but I'm burnt-out already so I'll just use fasm for now.

Initial test: wrote a test program in my own stupid language, ran the translator, dump output to file, assemble that with fasm, run with r2 -d.

Crashes? No.
Runs fine? Yes and no.

For fuck's sake, I don't have syscalls. Mainly because the VM doesn't have an operating system, lmao. I was testing virtual programs by just freezing state, terminating, then dumping the fucking registers and stack to the console, we have no I/O to speak of. Not even a real 'exit', VM handles that by reading a return value every step like a mentally damaged son of a bitch.

So anyway, I manually paste the linux mambo, you know:

mov rax,60
mov rdi,0
syscall

And NOW our program can end execution without crashing.
Okay then, so does the test code work correctly?

** DRUM ROLL **

Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, mother fucking PESO is now a compiled language, and going forward I will be expectantly receiving your marriage proposals for reviewing. Oh, but not so fast, we still need a frontend...

Well, we'll handle that in the next few days. I'm just glad to be *nearly* finished with this fucking compiler, I want nothing to do with anything else ever, but we know that's not going to happen, so Lord please end my pain.

No sponsor as this rant has been paid for by tax evasion.

My coworkers and I work in close quarters in a laboratory all day. We all get along well, and since we don’t have “offices” and often work together on things, we are a pretty close team.

We recently got a new member, Jill, who is 22, and this is her first job out of college. She lives at home with her parents, who are incredibly well-off, and has lived at home all through college. The rest of us are late 20’s to late 30’s. Jill is very nice but also very sensitive and somewhat immature, and I’m not sure if she’s just not 100% sure how to deal with people in professional settings yet or what’s going on, but almost everything that comes out of her mouth has to do with money, mainly how much money her family has. If it might offer some context, Jill and her family are not from the U.S., but have been here since Jill was a teenager.

I usually just kind of inwardly roll my eyes and change the subject, but with the holidays it’s gotten considerably worse and Jill is driving my team and me crazy. Some examples of things she has said just in the past week are: “My dad’s buying my mom a new car for Christmas!” “I’m going to buy my mom a Gucci Keychain for Christmas. It’s $225 dollars!” “I’m so excited, my mom is buying my puppy a Tiffany collar for Christmas!”

The thing that sent me over the edge was when a male coworker asked for ladies’ opinions on a very nice coat he was considering buying for his girlfriend. My opinion was something along the lines of “I like it, but I would go with the gray because white coats get dirty very easily, in my experience,” whereas Jill’s opinion was “It’s not even a name brand, you should go with either a North Face or a Michael Kors.”

I am honestly not sure if Jill knows there are people in the world who are not as well-off as her family is, and that people who aren’t as “fortunate” don’t want to hear these kinds of things every day. We are not paupers, but we are definitely not buying our dogs Tiffany collars. Is there a way that I can tell her to please stop talking about how rich her family is, without sounding jealous or mean, or causing a lot of friction on my team? Like I said, she’s a nice person, but money is a touchy subject in any capacity and I think this might hinder her professionally in the future, not to mention that we’re all sick of hearing about it!

I can proudly say I know HTML; How To Meet Ladies...

"light mode is for women and old people"

I dunno if this is a rant or an anti-rant, but for some reason, Assembly and low-level development hardly ever tick me off. It absolutely dumbfounds me how what many regard as the most frustrating and difficult ways of programming a binary digital computers is just so enjoyable. I spend hours per day teaching myself C and GNU Assembly and how it works with little actually getting done. It just rarely gets frustrating enough to rant about. Ladies and gentlemen I think I have found my calling!

It's been fun, Lords and Ladies. I've enjoyed learning from you all and laughing (and raging) at your rants, but I think it's time I head out.

One time while enjoying the Halloween festivities I was kidnapped.

What happened was this, in my brilliant genuine way of thinking, put on a Stormtrooper costume and stood outside the front door like a model statuesque persona to frighten the living daylights out of the trick or treat gremlins, Doing such an amazing job as usual, pretending in my head that I was invisible for about an hour scaring the life out of everyone when for brief moments to break character.

Along came a car, it backed up to the ground I fought hard to gain that night, as a problem solving professional I remained silent and still as two assailants proceeded to place me into the back seat of their car.

Now ladies look away. When they were discussing what I was worth they actually didn't expect me to sit up in the back seat and say "donde esta la biblioteca". I was wearing a Deadpool outfit under my Stormtrooper uniform the whole time and I got to beat up some bad guys, so this is a really nice fuzzy carebare story with a happy ending.

!rant
So i have not yet graduated as of yet and when i do i want to have a good job and all.I have been hearing this about internships and all and i have no prior experience whatsoever.I wanted to know if i should first of start of as an intern and then pace it up becz i am still in a learning stage and i want to have a solid foundation before taking a full time job.Any advices gentlemen(and ladies).

And that's why, ladies and gentlemen, I use the snake.

Hey hey Dev community.

Do any of you wise ladies and gentlemen out there know of a way to automate tasks? I have a list of clients names (198) but we dont have office addresses. We want to send out Christmas cards to all of our lovely clients rather than email but now need to gather physical addresses.

Any ideas?!

Heyyy DevRant Fam! :D, hope everyone is doing very well today! i would love to get some input/advice from my fellow developer friends here today... so Milo has gotten himself into a sticky situation... So recently i had a little opportunity to get some mentor-ship or internship through a family friend, and im sooo excited but nervous at the same time.. i sometimes think to myself am i really 'good enough for such a position'?? but however since I've never really experienced this sort of work, whats their to lose? or is this a bad way too think about it? :D

so ladies and gents, I'm really interested in the stock market and that sort of finance, and i think id be a good fit to build tools for traders, if i cannot get into that sort of position, why not work back office and have more of a support role? I'm always very happy to work my way up as I'm highly motivated!, however in the case that i manage to get into such a position, I'd love to know, what sort of things do i need know to be able to land such a position? if you can give me any tips or advice id be extremely grateful! :D

If you have managed to get this far into my post, I'd love to say thank you so much! and i really apologize for rambling on... i generally always do that.... and also i want to say thank you so much for taking the time to read my question <3 really means a lot to me!

just quick note letting everyone know as a hobby project I'm building a little list app where i can save my favorite stock tickers/symbols into a list and see the price changes over time (through alphavantage's API) :D

Kind regards,
Milo <3 :-)

I got a call for interview in a company with glassdoor review 2.5! Big company with stable business!
Should I go? A friend said I should not?
What do you think ladies and gentlemen??

oh Gentlemen and ladies. TypeScript complains ae bout aeviry ting. eit feels like sum one is waitching ouver mi.

question to my male homies (or ladies too, if you are equally violent) hey what are your thoughts about someone fucking with your priced possession? you might not have a generic answer, so here are some specific scenarios:

1. some random drunk guy intentionally keys your car/breaks a headlight and you see it.
2. some guy teases /touches your girl/wife/SO/kid inappropriately.
3. some guy drops your phone and breaks screen.

my personal angry reaction for above things could go from either slapping/punching a guy to possibly do him a permanent damage (break arm,leg,nose,hand etc). i am not a violent guy , but some things matter more than a crime i guess (although, does it really count as a crime tho?)

i feel we can give a very these violent reaction for 2 reasons : these possessiona are so damn expensive that we genuinely get hurt and want an instant revenge and secondly we don't trust the judiciary to give a worthy punishment

i asked a friend of mine a simialar question and his violence meter is even lesser. he (20 at that time) once slapped his 50 year old neighbour coz they entered his home and started shouting at his dad, another time caused a big scene on a T-point as an auto driver accidentally dented his car while turning (the car was 2 days old)

My PM is a fantastic guy all around and gets all the ladies in the sack.

!dev Now ladies if you please excuse my lang for a moment, I'm just curious to know if some 1 knows.

So I was thinking about the word 'relax', could it be that it derives from re-wax or I just imagined the obvious connection between them?

$tag = taxonomy_term_load($tid['tid'])->tid;

And that ladies and gentlemen, is why you do code reviews.

Hey Guys and Ladies,

I was wondering what is a good site for job opportunities for foreigners in the USA? The contract with my current employer is up in September and I just wanted to see what my possibilities in the USA

So all you see is normal people and pretty ladies otherwise some bending and displaying themselves, the pretty ladies, and there is no visible indicator of the decay of Western society and everyone is helping you get where you need to go which is somewhere safe and happy where you have the job you want

Ladies and gentlemen, Google Slides.

They’re watching flubber again and this is triggering their desire to shove ladies heels up their asses
One of the old creepy bastards is already shifting around and according to zim like with literally everything they make some weird association

It’s like inmates watching Harry Potter

In among them someone is fantasizing about dating him as a kid and then molesting him

Gentlemen & Ladies, is Amazon Honeycode a threat?