Add 1 - Remove 2
-implement-

Why did you add this?
Alright - Remove 1 and Add 2.
-implement-

I like what you did with 1 but I'm not sure about what you did here with 2.
-wait...wait...wait...-

Hey, just noticed the way you had 1 and 2 before you started making a bunch of unnecessary changes was better, go back to that.

Peer reviews are awesome!

Went away for 30 minutes. Came back to devRant. Only 2 of 10 new posts were about MS buying GH. Things are getting better.

Yep. That's an ASCII art tattoo...

At a job interview.

Them: Can you please write a function that calculates fibonacci numbers on the whiteboard please.

Me:

fib=_=>($=>$.round(($.pow((1+$.sqrt(5))/2,_)-$.pow(-2/(1+$.sqrt(5)),_))/$.sqrt(5)))(Math)

The other day we found this in our code review tool...

Sometimes I feel frontend development is like ancient magic:

Backend Dev: Oh no, I can't align this DIV properly.
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Flexius Boxius on the DIV *
* Div aligns slightly better *
BE Dev: But it's not centered!
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Marginis Automaticus! *
* Rolls natural 1 *
* Everything collapses *
* Website is on fire *
* Product owner cries *
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Flexius Boxius level 5 on the parent div *
* Everything looks beautiful *
* People are in awe *
FE Dev: You are welcome!
* Adjusts his robe and leaves *

Things you hear from developers 5 minutes before demo to the whole Management Board.

- "... Does this button work... Nope... Oh well..."
- "What the hell is THAT!?"
- "Um... Is it supposed to look like this?"
- "Please tell me you didn't just merge this!?!"

One of my favourite, encryption puzzles is this:

ITuyVT93oUZtLKWyVT5iqPO3nTS0VUEbMKxtp2IyoD==

Answer is plain text string in english. Good luck, post solution in the comments!

People seem to like cryptographic puzzles. Well, try this one for size:

b417021dc01b409ad0c21b430a508624

Answer is a sentence in plain english. Space is used, but no punctuation. Post answer to comments. Good luck :D

I am not entirely sure how should I feel... O_O

I love how "shotgun debugging" works.

Let's say the microwave doesn't work. I put my burrito in it, press buttons. Nothing happens.

Any sane person would trace the possible cause: Check if it is plugged in, maybe the fuse is blown? Nah, we don't have time for this: Let's try shotgunning it!

- Turn the burrito upside down.
- Try aligning the burrito in different cardinal directions.
- Press random buttons
- Remove burrito wrapper
- Separate burrito into single components, sort them onto a plate in a nifty layout and try microwaving that.
- Remove each component of the sorted burrito plate and try microwaving the plate with less and less items.
- Try microwaving each separate item and then later reassembling them back into burrito to see if it gets heated after the act.
- Try putting a cat on top of the microwave.
- Pour water on cat
- Notice a strong reaction involving water and the cat.
- Try catching the cat for additional testing.
- Go to the hospital to get stitches on your open wounds.

Later write a bug report to the maintainer: "Microwave doesn't work. Tracked the issue down to the moisture level of the cat, additional testing needed."

Wow, I just realized the marketing teams of most of the companies I have been dealing with are some cold sociopaths.

Every other letter that pops in the mailbox is filled with dark patterns trying to guilt me into opting in to their continued spam:

Subject: Most awesome husky puppy!

Look at this beautiful husky puppy. Isn't it beautiful.... It would be sad if something happened to it... But I am afraid... Something will happen to it...

If you don't opt in to our email message... I am afraid we have no choice... We have to kill this puppy. End it's life... We have no choice. I wish we did! Nothing would please us more than keeping this beautiful-beautiful puppy living and playing....

But if you don't opt in... We have to cut it's throat. Leave it lying on the ground, bleeding out as the life slowly fades away from it's pretty blue eyes...

And Remember: it's not us who killed it... IT WAS YOU! YOUR ACTIONS LEAD TO THE DEATH OF THIS PUPPY! YOU.... YOU FILTHY MURDERER!

Pls opt-in ok, then we are all good. Puppy lives! Just opt in. Ok? Yeah, you know what you have to do.

At Job interview.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Me: I see myself as the leader of a raider group, robbing and scavenging together pieces of what is left of the civilization in hopes to build a weapon powerful enough to take the world back from a rogue AI, which I built myself few years earlier.

Interviewer: What!?

Me: What?

12 Stages of Software Development:

1. Analysis.
2. Development
3. Realization the whole analysis is complete bullshit and has nothing to with reality.
4. Denial about failing deadlines.
6. "Acceleration": adding more people to the project, bringing out big corner cutting machine.
7. Learning that massive amount of new features needs to be added, while the deadline is two weeks away.
8. Putting some random crap in production, riddled with horrid bugs and security flaws, to technically not miss the deadline.
9. Get the mess almost working long after the deadline has passed.
10. Maintain this steaming pile of crap for a year.
11. Start planning for full system rewrite that "Makes Everything Better".
12. Goto 1

Me: "I should try to waste less money this month"
Also me: "I wonder what 1000 euro whiskey tastes like..."

(Please describe in comments, I don't actually have 1000 euros for whiskey.)

At least it wasn't Disney who acquired GitHub. Not sure if the world is ready for GitHub branded tampons yet.

At job interview.

Interviewer: What are your goals in life?

Me: Well... Right now... Getting 1000 upvotes in devRant so I can get that fat cat on my avatar....

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

How long should I watch the senior engineer get frustrated that the emulator hardware isn't working before I tell him it isn't plugged in? It's only been 45 minutes so far... 😂

With 182 compile errors management wants the new build out by Monday morning but neglect to say this until end of day Saturday. They also knew for a week or better that they were going to enforce the deadline on each team.

Spending ten minutes waiting for the build manager to figure out which build to give me for the new project I'm on

My typical everyday.

When you miss the devRant squishy ball by a few days 😓😭

Because as a person without a dev background she laughs at all of the same devRant stuff that I do!

Me: Startup initialization tests fail so the system won't boot properly it until we fix those issues.

Manager: comment out the lines of code that are causing problems.

🤔 So we are just going to feed power to some hardware and see what happens I guess

Getting packed up to leave for the first day at my new job!

When the guy with 30 years experience calls the new engineers interns and gets smacked with the same title he has.

Spend all week waiting on my VM to be setup so I can actually work and get caught up... Crash it in 5 minutes... On a holiday weekend 😓

The tech being rude about my RSA token not working locking me out trying to use a USB override stick...he got so mad he just walked out 😂

Explaining to the new team, all with experience, how to compile and what to do with errors. 😓

What are they teaching in school these days?