When a live demo works during a talk

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

*scroll of truth*

Why

Do

LinkedIn motivational

Posts

Look

Like this?

Why are you

guys making me

fucking

unfollow you?

So I have 600 LinkedIn contacts.

Most are recruiters.

So my feed is flooded with recruitement rants.

And success stories like this:

How they hired the guy who had

A 10 year gap in his employment.

Because they had to take care.

Of their sick pet hamster.

Hiring him was one of their best decisions.

He was a stellar employee.

1969 vs 2017

When you have a million things to do but CS memes are life :)

Supervisor: let's automate this stuff

Me: great! let's do it to last and future proof it. So, as changes happen we can implement in-place upgrades efficiently without taking the system down

Supervisor: well let's not get too crazy

I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my salary slip..They removed it from my computer immediately..

I wanna cry.

I love this comic..

I think server down time is because of rain 🌧

Well yeah. He is right!

Similar with pluses on devRant

The joys of web dev

HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)

Who thought teaching jQuery BEFORE JavaScript was a good idea?

10 points for next century option.

Testing my System ..?

This is so elaborate I'm still laughing. 😂
Source: 9gag

Always remember boys & girls:

Always on the lookout for freelance projects but can't even make a website for dad's business.

alert("Disappointing Son");

Found a security hole....

A fast food delivery service had an ID for every order it Said
"example.com/order/9237" - i go 9236... finds another persons order, address, and phone number

So What should i do?

i thought of making a crawler and then make statistics on everyones orders and send Them a link 😂

Happy Easter 🐰🐇🐣

How to vertically center in css..

"I don't need to comment this, I'll remember it"

Two CSS properties walk into a bar.
A barstool in a completely different bar falls over.

Photo of the day...

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

Web devs are like autocorrect:
- You're needed but never told you are
- You're great at your job, but everyone complains about your few faults
- You learn more as you work with the client
- You improve little by little every day
- Your buttons are pushed a lot
- You use new technologies when you can