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Joined devRant on 9/17/2017
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I currently have a design meeting with the CEO. He joined the meeting on his iPhone mini and the designs are for a desktop app.
What a joke5 -
Microsoft has the audacity to put "Get the new Outlook (It's free for Windows Users!)" on my lock screen. Extraordinarily annoying because:
- It's just the web app packaged in the SHITTIEST electron wrapper you ever did see.
- IT FUCKING HAS ADS8 -
“Does god exist?”, I typed into a green terminal window after granting GPT-7 root access to our grid. “…now it does”, echoed from every speaker.4
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Developer superstition, never say something is easy, fast or straightfoward.
It will take weeks to develop, months to test and debug and you will consider change jobs just to stay away of that code8 -
There are drones patrolling the Antarctic sky. When your plane gets too close, the drone fires up its jet engine and grabs you by the wing.
The drone's engine can overpower any small plane there is. It then proceeds to escort you towards the Antarctic base. Your safety during the transport is guaranteed by the drone's onboard missiles and decoy flares.
Once you reach the base, you get apprehended, imprisoned and tortured. A powerful pathological infosignal is then dispersed via the social media that makes anyone who knew you forget that you ever existed.
There were zero successful escapes.1 -
I love that its 2024, and yet sometimes you still have to delete the /bin and /obj folders from a C# project to remove build errors that are in fact, not build errors...
...and people here hate node.js / npm
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
but come on down in the comments all you C# worshippers and please enlighten me what I am doing wrong... definitely couldn't be C# right?
also explain why 'clean' must not REALLY mean clean 🤡20 -
My innocent-pretending “I din do nuffing” ass after destroying multiple managers careers by manipulating the company opinion against them bc they try to play that scumbag move first but I’m just more conniving, powerful, and just a fucking beast.10
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Client: "When can you deliver this feature, so we can move on?"
Me: "Well, by the end of the week could be feasible."
Client: "Perfect!"
Me at the end of the week: "It is finished."
Client: "Thanks!"
Client proceeds to not use the feature for over 3 months.4 -
What is the weirdest shit you have seen in a daily stand-up?
I've just seen a baby horse being born on the daily stand-up.9 -
XCode: I can't find your class in scope
Me: But it's right there. You could find it yesterday
XCode: Yeah, no.
Me: Look, if I cmd-click on it, you open the class. So you know what it is. It is in scope. It has to be.
XCode: Nope.
Me: *cleans build folder* *build* How about now?
XCode: Nope.
Me: *deletes derived data* *build* Now?
XCode: Nope.
Me: *buries head in hands* *swears* *Copies the text in the class file, deletes the file, recreates it with a slightly different file name, copies the text back in* *build*
XCode: Build complete.
For fucks sakes.4 -
Lesson learned: if you're going to derive a class in c++, make sure to declare a virtual destructor on the base class!
I just fixed (one of...) the massive memory leaks in my damn project.
Pictured: the strings in a derived class actually getting freed!20 -
Red flags in your first week of your software engineering job 🚩
You do the first few days not speaking to anyone.
You can't get into the building and no one turns up until mid day.
The receptionist thinks you're too well dressed to work in this building, thinks you're a spy and calls security on you.
You are eating alone during lunch time in the cafeteria
You have bring your own material for making coffee for yourself
When you try to read the onboarding docs and there aren't any.
You have to write the onboarding docs.
You don't have team mates.
When you ask another team how things are going and they just laugh and cry.😂😭
There's no computer for you, and not even an "it's delayed" excuse. They weren't expecting you.
Your are given a TI PC, because "that's all we have", even though there's no software for it, and it's not quite IBM compatible.
You don't have local admin rights on your computer.💀
You have to buy a laptop yourself to be able to do your job.
It's the end of the week and you still don't have your environment set up and running.
You look at the codebase and there are no automated tests.
You have to request access every time you need to install something through a company tool that looks like it was made in 2001.
Various tasks can only be performed by one single person and they are either out sick or on vacation.
You have to keep track of your time in 6 minute increments, assigned to projects you don't know, by project numbers everyone has memorised (and therefore aren't written down).
You have to fill in timesheets and it takes you 30 minutes each day to fill them in because the system is so clunky.🤮
Your first email is a phishing test from the IT department in another country and timezone, but it has useful information in it, like how to login to the VPN.
Your second email is not a phishing test, but has similar information as the first one. (You ignore it.)
Your name is spelled wrong in every system, in a different way. 2 departments decide that it's too much trouble, and they never fix the spelling as long as you work there. One of them fixes it after you leave, and annoys you for a month because you haven't filled out the customer survey.6 -
The only person responsible for the server maintenance has put in his resignation period in.
The other person that has access to the servers does not know the difference between production & lab.
Fun times ahead14