alright... so thats how you parse JSON in javascript in 2019? i'm vomiting right now...

i'm getting headaches right now...

A new junior developer diet: treat y'o self with a candy of choice every time you finish a project that you've been working at during your "free" time. Guaranteed fat loss. Coz' you won't be eating any. And you're lazy.

Thanks, Microsoft.

Do not close lid!

Every non programmer freind of mine when I upload a single screenshot of my Terminal be like "Bro, What Is This Language?", "Do You Know How To Hack Wifi?" although reality been I am just cloning a GIT repository.

They call it $5/gb hotel wifi, i call it free uncapped 100meg fibre because your security sucks

Oh and they host their entire POS (and database with backups) on the same network accessible to every TV in the hotel

Realest comments ever written

I've taken my Dev rant over to Linked in. Fuck you recruiters!

So, eventually they understood a lot of SO users are assholes. 😁

Let's Encrypt-- Opinions?

While sitting on the toilet, it struck me:

int y = (int) (x+0.5); //x is a float

is exactly the same as:

int y = Math.round(x);

It's such a simple thought, yet, I realized that just now.

!rant

Let's take a moment to appreciate interested and enthousiastic non-developers who really want to learn a programming language.

I am studying Medical IT at my college and most of my classmates aren't coming from an IT background.
We're currently working with Java, PHP, JavaScript and some require Node for their semester projects.

Some of my classmates approach me when they're stuck while coding and I try to teach them as much as possible so they understand what they are doing wrong and how to fix it.
I also show them how they can optimise their code step by step and they love it!

As a classmate told me yesterday:
"It's always so much fun working with you. I come up with a small problem, but I end up learning so much more about programming when solving a problem with you. I appreciate that."

It's a mindset I've learned when I was doing my developer apprenticeship back in the day. One of my colleagues told me: "if they want your help because they need a quick fix, tell them to kiss your ass. If you know they've already tried everything they could and ask you specifically because they want to understand what they are doing wrong, they are future developers with great potential, so go teach them."

May the force be with you, my enthousiastic little non-devs ❤️

TL;DR
Deadline means shit for management and they can't fucking understand wtf a prototype is for.

Hahahahaha so we are gonna present this prototype tomorrow ( 2018-03-08 ) at a meeting with investors and our management practically demanded a landing page to be at this presentation.

The landing page is gonna be made by a 3rd party, they asked for directions on the content about the landing page with a deadline set for Friday ( 2018-03-02 ) .

Management sent an email yesterday with the following content:
- Changes on the prototype ( A LOT OF CHANGES )
- The landing page content: a fucked up confusing as fuck word document with crossed over text, red text. A lot of noise that meas nothing and only makes the reader confused as fuck

Why am I laughing you may ask?
Our front ender took the prototyping role out of my hands and the landing page is a third party responsibility.

None of this is my work, I'm here watching the world burn for the first time and boy its funny and warm.

:)

When you compile and it runs but who cares how it runs

Fact:

"Testing can show the presence of errors, but not their absence.."

!Rant

YaY!! Finally I Quit my Job !!! 😴

Dear everyone,

I am never late to meetings you set up with me, so please stop being late to meetings I set up with you.

When you get a notification 🔔 like this one... The fucking moon 🎑 gets decent 4g before I do 😱😲...

Each month my department compiles a 4M row 150 column data table for compliance with a federal agency. Before submitting, we check it against about 400 rules.

The existing system was simply 400 queries that ran in sequence, table-scanning 4M rows each time, taking upwards of 6 hours, which is a huge bottleneck, especially if you have to make changes and rerun. Plus the output was rather one-dimensional.

I built a proper normalized database and created a sort of rules engine, running all 400 rules in one table scan. Not only does it complete in 30 minutes, but the reports generate automatically, and the results can be filtered on several dimensions to aid with root-cause analysis.

Management was pleased.

That moment when

Spacex's launch was fake. Their CGI artists didn't know that the earth is flat.

If you can't save yourself anymore...

No credits, sorry

Wtf dude?

The wizard

Just me minding my own bussiness at a coffee shop (not starbucks) and a stranger comes up to me.

“Check line 37, might be an error there (laughs)”

I was shocked to say that she’s correct, is she the one guys?

„If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.“

That’s how I feel sometimes 😅

Great😅😂

When a non-coworker stars your project on github.