That feel when pants that were large before I started programming now can't even fit above my waist.

Since I started programming and using GNU/Linux I've gotten fatter.

Goddammit.

The Web developer's equivalent to, "have you turn it off and on again":

"Try clearing the cache"

When on monday, a client asks you "WHY SOMETHING ISN'T FINISHED". Well, we don't work on weekends. Fuck off.

Met a Project Manager (at a friend's party) who had transitioned to a PM role from a developer role (most probably he wrote shitty code)

Smartass PM to me (after I told I code for living) : I really pity poor programmers and I feel sorry for them, the work they do, the effort they put in l, it's just now worth it

Me : yes you are right if we don't code PM are just not worth it, I understand it's a skill to talk about deadlines and features and what not, but the Pre-requisite is that some one would code it first. Also coding is not that anyone can do, I do it because I enjoy it, I m just not meant for superficial talks and I love building things, that's y I do it..

Smartass PM : (dumbstuck)

After half an hr of bullshit conversation...smartass PM has realized it by now that in Silicon Valley (where we live) it's much cooler to be a developer than being a PM (he has recently moved from east coast)...

PM to me : I just live on stack-overflow
Me thinking : Really !!

People should not compare their career paths, every one has their interest and personality

Me and ma kid

The most under-stated job description

Rails is a shady framework

oh god

Coding has caused a paradigm shift in the way I look at the world. Previously I would look at something and be amazed as to how it happened or was made and then depressed because I would think such things could only be done by geniuses and not by me. Now, I know that complex things are made up of many simple things and anything complex can be kind of deconstructed with enough understanding. Its an empowering feeling knowing that I can create something amaizng.

I started counting at 0

Human V1.1

*Stages of debugging*
1. That can't happen.
2. That doesn't happen on my machine
3. That shouldn't happen.
4. Why does that happen?
5. Oh, I see.
6. How did that ever work?

What my sister thinks when she got to know that i am a backend developer

Not a front end person, but you gotta appreciate the perfect alignment here!

My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.

I think I married an adrenaline junkie.

Think twice before making a time estimate.

Then multiply that by two.

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

padding intensifies...
From r/ProgrammerHumor

Well...

Do you really expect that I can debug in a few minutes, a part of the software that I didn't build and have never seen before and have no knowledge of the external, third-party web service that code is reaching out to?

Dude, flippin' chill, take a walk, grab a drink, pop some popcorn and give me some time to figure out what the hell this code is doing so I can properly debug it!

You know what it turned out to be? Wrong test data used for the 3rd party service. So in essence... Nothing was wrong! Frickity frack!

Accidentally uploading your nudes to Github

They break your heart too 😭💔

Client: how much for a face recognition system?
...
Client: well fuck you that's too expensive, I ll have my nephew do it.

My girlfriend is learning python and she figured out how to change her environment to dark mode. I'm so proud of her.

The floor is java

Boss walks by my desk. Stops by the printer when coming back and brings me this.

Living in the middle east be like

The code you write is your child.
When it misbehaves(bugs) you disciplines(fixes) it.
You are ecstatic when it achieve something(into production).
You want them to be at par with the world(adapting to new libraries).

So, to all the developers out there happy father's day.

When there are only 2 pages on Google you know you're in serious shit.

"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates