This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.

I think I married an adrenaline junkie.

teacher gives a question in a test : can you save a word document as a pdf.

me :Yes

teacher :that is wrong

me : shows her how to do it..

teacher : "oh well "

Everytime I need to edit a document

Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?

Me: sure, of course.

Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.

Me: ... wait, then it's not done.

Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.

Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.

Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.

Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.

Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.

Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.

Dev: I don't.

Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.

Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.

Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.

Dev: but it is done.

Me: no it's not.

Dev: it is, look.

Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.

Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?

Me: are you going to make more changes?

Dev: yes.

Me: then no.

Dev: why?

Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.

Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.

Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....

Dev: but I am happ.....

Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.

Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.

Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.

Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.

Me: there you go.

Me, trying to create a LaTeX document: *googles "latex string comparison"*
Customer and boss walk in.
Google: *shows NSFW results*

I.. Let...- Let me explain, it's not what it looks like!

Thanks to some random guy on a forum at page 100000000000000 of duckduckgo I figured out that I need to change the USB mode of my laptoo-tablet in order to allow UEFI booting.

HOW DIFFICULT IS IT TO FUCKING PROPERLY DOCUMENT THAT?!

When you suggest to use git but the answer you get is:
"Just write in a text document what you have changed ".

Oh dear God..

HOLY SHIT THE COURSE DOCUMENT CPP USES DEV DUCKS AS HEADER IMAGES!

Resize a image in a document in Microsoft word................ 500 lines realign, border width changes, 4 graphs deleted, tsunami in ur city, earth's orbit shift by 2 meters.u want to die.

When you accidentally open the emulator when you already have 7 android studio projects, 20 opera tabs ,code::blocks,u torrent, sublimetext and a word document open

"I will create a very useful library and won't document it" - said every developer ever.

This fucking snapcraft is making me lose my goddamn mind.

When a customer said that I shouldn't be working with web development since I couldn't put 3D animations in her PDF document.

When someone says document your code

a litte piece of javascript pinging the server every minute to prevent user being logged out

$(document).ready(function() {
setInterval(ping, 60000);
});

Was writing a word document.
Ended it with semicolon;

Maybe your parents won't know, but I sure as hell will

Types :w to save document in LibreOffice.

Oh.

My non coder friend thinks typing a 1000 line document and coding 1000 line software/app are perfectly equal things and deserves equal salary.

Programming class
Group of 2
He do the powerpoint and document
I do the whole web application

And when it’s time to present our work, his power point is black and white and documents formatting is a mess

I got B even though my website can CRUD and whole basic function works

Fuckin retard

Teacher: hey, your good with computer programming, right?
(Thinking I finally have a chance to prove myself programming wise.)
Me: yeah, Sure
(Trying not to blow my own trumpet)
Teacher: great, can you fix this word document for me?
FML

Two nginx config files for two different sites.

Both exactly the same except for the fastcgi location, document root and virtual host.

THE MOTHERFUCKING GET VALUES DOESN'T REWRITE PROPERLY WITH ONE OF THEM BUT IT WORKS PER-FUCKING-FECTLY WITH THE OTHER ONE.

GO SUCK A COCK NGINX. AND NO I'M NOT SWITCHING TO APACHE.

"My wifi is low, can you speed it up?"
"Can you restore a document I deleted?"
"What? You're a programmer and can't even fix my washing machine?"

Brazil, but I think it's universal :/

All databases are document databases if your varchars are big enough.

Proud of this. When you print my blog it is what every website should be: a clean document.

Had a friend who was forced to document his own code. He gave up after an hour of trying to figure out what methods 'somethingsomething()' and 'somethingsomething2()' did...

How do i save a Word document?
How do i convert it to a pdf?
What is a pdf at all?
How to put all those things on a usb?
Why is this Pc not working?

I should start to charge by Minute...

PM emailed me a document from a customer to distribute it to the right people.

Me (in my head): WTF? You are the PM, that's your fucking job.

But I opened the document and read it. Some blah about requirements we discussed with the customer earlier. And the request to sign it as agreement on the requirements. The customer even put the names of the people at the end, he suspected to be the right ones.

So I send an email back to PM that this is project stuff, not my business. Case closed for me.

Half an our later PM enters my office, telling me he thought I was the right guy for this topic and he didn't know who else could be interested in it.

So I told him that this document is about defining project requirements and that he could have sent it to the people that are mentioned at the end of the document.

Turned out he didn't even opened the document. F...A... Wasted my time instead of doing his job.

Guess next time I'll be reading his documents at as good as he does.

Microsoft Word auto-saved a document, on inspection last thing typed was ":wq"

I subconsciously use semicolons (;) instead of periods (.) whenever I'm writing a word document.

My sex life:

<script>

$(document).ready(function(){
})

</script>

Me: *Writes a report in LaTeX*

Supervisor: Could you send me a Word Document.

Me: I'm afraid that won't be possible...

Me in my head: How about you go print your Word document, roll it up nice and tight and go f$ck yourself up the @ss with it!

I asked for a screenshot to help me assist with the problem.
I got an image inside a Microsoft Word document attached to a Facebook message.

COULDN'T YOU JUST ATTACK THE FUCKING IMAGE INSTEAD

I feel like castrating our PM right now.
"Hey, here are a few changes I promised the client will be done by tomorrow. "
**Sends a 1000+ page document **
It's on a fucking weekend moron!!!

People should fucking document their code. I have to implement something using someone's code. And I have no idea what I'm doing.

Every student knows the struggle of opening the Downloads folder on a school computer. Gigabytes of information that will never be accessed again and at least ten versions of the same document.

When you document your class just right, so when you encounter it accidentally while debugging, you feel like digging in a base class, because it's so well documented and perfectly written.

Keep your computers and laptops clean you disgusting fucks.

Went to my boss’s office to leave a document and when i saw his laptop i almost vomited.

Last year we were given an app to patch that was completely in Arabic (including the documentation). We had a tight deadline to get the app fixed so we paid for a big company to translate the Word document we'd be given.

After 2 weeks we were given the translated documentation only to find it was select recipes from an Egyptian cooking book.

David Bowie typing document with LibreOffice Writer

space.odt

"If you document it, it's not a Bug - it's a Feature."

Earlier I was viewing my HTML document, but when I opened it this popped up. Musdguest is the name of my school's WiFi, and this kinda looks like the source code for my school's website...?

My company has sort of project team ("FachArbeitsGruppe" in German) meetings regularly and we love our abbreviations so every now and then at work I see an email or document just labeled "FAG". I think there's even a users group called "FAG IT".

Me: *submits design document to manager, who sends it to client for review*

Client: "everything is good, except one line here mentions a function that has since been removed" *send email to manager*

Manager: Correct this one line *sends email to me*

Me: uh, ok *deletes line, sends updated document in new email*

Is there any reason in the world the client OR manager couldn't have corrected the line and moved on?

Did we need to get two more people involved and send 3 more emails?

Client gets an error message. Proceeds to write the error message on a piece of paper, scans the paper in as PDF and attaches the document to an email to tech support.

DOCUMENT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING CODE!

So it's been a while I posted here... but today I got an logo.docx after I asked for an Vectorgraphic. That's it. I'll quit my job and become an ex google techlead on youtube!

You know what is an even better feeling than finishing a 60 pages long document on which my schooling rests?

Realizing you finished it 3 weeks before the deadline 😍😍

Started work on redeveloping a module for our system, I look at the database document and see two fields, one for date and one for time. Both are full date time and the data is stored like so:
Date I want to store: 2016-04-09 05:54:00
Date: 2016-04-09 00:00:00
Time: 1899-01-01 05:54:00

Our team is currently working with an Excel document that uses visual basic to talk to an embedded system. We're talking reading memory locations in Excel.

System design meeting with the client.

Client: We need feature X in the design document
Me: But feature X was not a requirement, so it's not in the document and we will not add it.
Client: But feature X should be a common feature today.
Me: That doesn't matter, it wasn't a requirement. And besides that you don't even need it today, the planned system doesn't even support feature X, so we couldn't implement it, even if it was mentioned in the design document.
Client: But we may need it some day, and what do you do, when we decide to enhance the system in a few years and we need that feature then?
Me: Then we make you an offer for feature X.
Inner me: You ordered a bicyle and now you want it converted into a delivery truck next year without charge. That's not how things work.

Team lead wants me to document a 7000 line code in 2 days. Tell me about it

Document your code, Don't give your variables silly names. Use git !!

So today I started editing my CV because I want to apply for an internship in the UK; and because I've already got a Dutch CV, I just opened that document and started working from there.

*selects Dutch part*
*presses crtl + /*

Comment out the Dutch parts! 🤦

You know you're into some serious shit when your LaTeX document takes ~15 sec to compile.

Document your code as you write it. Don't wait for later, you will never return to it.

That's it.

Me: I don't need to print the city on each row of the excel file, it already appears on the top of the document.

PM: DO IT ANYWAY! THEY'RE IDIOTS!

NO FUCKING PROGRAM IS SELF DOCUMENTING. I DON'T CARE IF ITS A HELLO WORLD PROGRAM, DOCUMENT IT!!!

😡🔫

That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.

Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?

Fuck you.

Literally, Fuck You!

When client requesting something, it has to be done ASAP.

But when i ask about the payment...

I must sign some documents declaring the job was done

The documents then must be sent to manager

The manager must create another document to be sent to finance division

The finance sent that thing to director to sign the damn document so finance can make a payment

Oh shit the first document before i start the project went missing, i have no idea why they need that

Some weeks has been passed till today

Cant find the document

Recreate the document

I must sign it back but they said no worries, we can advance to next step so i can get paid today

Manager creates a document

Manager sent that document into finance

Oh shit the financial division is having some seminar, its friday so it will be processed on monday

WTF

Hours of refactoring just to get 0.5 seconds increase in performance per document generation.

Sounds small but makes a big difference when generating 100k documents.

Still not happy with it though...

Wow VSCode has gotten a lot better for Web Dev. JSDocs actually works and can be used to find functions from other modules (aka real Intellisense).

This could change my feelings about JS... now just need to get everyone else on my team to document their shit... uhm... I mean code.

Oh my god, document your god damn API so I know what to expect! So many bloody edge cases!

Client wanted to send us e-mail addresses.
Client sent an image inside a Word document showing a list of e-mail addresses.

Luckily ShareX has an OCR feature.

Why do clients send everything embedded in a word document. Can you send me the jpeg? I receive a word document. (It's always word 2003 for some reason).

Corporate computer with autofill for password to secured document system. Just typed in the console Document.getElementById('password').value to print it out.

Am now l33t h@ckzor?

Hey there

I see you are about to publish your cool new tool on github

Just remember

If you dont document it properly i will personally gut you

:)

My PM is a glorified Q&A tester. Has never coded in his life and refuses to use jira or slack. He basically emails me a word document (because he refuses to use google docs) with all his "so-called bugs' errors. I dare you to tell me of a worse PM.

Absolutely fucking hate it when someone sends a word document for me to fill it up, and it has the worst fucking structure ever. Everything is here and there, bunch of hacky macros and full of other bullshit.

What a lazy fucking piece of shit!

When you thought web browsers use too much memory, introducing a document scanning app that uses only 2,7 GB of ram.

Just a slight memory leak.

Just found a really short JavaScript code inside a html document that will on Firefox for Windows/Linux no longer let you use your OS. Also android gets completely laggy and needs a force restart.

(I'm new to JavaScript)

I was browsing through xkcd when I came across this comic. Then I realised that a line break after every sentence is actually what I do when writing something in LaTeX. It has no effect in the end but I feel like it makes the document clearer while working with it. Anyone else who does this? ^^'

Writing a report in a word document for half an hour. Forgot to save in the middle.

You guys know what happened after that :(

2016 and we still have to deal with this freezing shit :(

Client once sent me an error as a forwarded email from the scanner of a scanned document of a printout of a screenshot of the problem -_-

...hnnng!

I remember when I can start typing
$(document).ready(function(){

})
Without copy pasting.

“I sent a document to print but it hasn't come out... I think the printer might be broken”

NO! The printer is not BROKEN just because you can’t print. You see that person over there at the printer? Yes, that one collecting their print job now? THE PRINTER IS NOT BROKEN!

When “unexpected end of document” feels really unexpected. 🤔

Just copy the schematic by hand when you have time instead of taking an image of it.

Did it, then ajusted the image with gimp and printed it as document. Thats how you waste time... or learn gimp, depending on the viewpoint. 😉

Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do

Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck

Me: oh ok, I will do that ...

Hundreds of PHP files with same name and _# at the end to differentiate them - each containing hundreds of
$(document).ready(function() {
$(some_slector).on(some_event, function() {
//one line of code
}
}

TLDR: Ask irritating questions, you could end up saving the company money and time...

I’m working on a project where we are integrating 2 legacy web applications with each other.

Business Analyst/Project manager (BA) : Save all the contact details of the selected firm in application A into the database of application B, then expose that data later so that we can output it into the document when the user generates them.
Me: Seems a bit excessive, there’s even a fax number, nobody uses that anymore, are you sure we need all that?
BA: The old document has all that information.
Me: Please just check with client that witch fields are still needed in the document.
BA: Ok, fine, but it’s probably a waste of time…
BA: * Talks with client on phone for 10 minz *
BA: Ok client stays we only need the Lodgement Number on the document.
Me: We already store that and populate it in the document.
BA: I had budgeted 2 days labour for all that, you just saved us a lot of money!

A distributed NoSQL document store.

New way of storing passwords "securely":

1. Open word and write your passwords in plain text
2. Save that word document and open it in notepad
3. Delete a random character but remember which one and in which position & save

Now the document won't be accessible with word and to fix it you have to put back the character you deleted.

External Dev. Job aplication website - please attach resume. CLICK. Unknown document format: (your format .pdf, acceptable format .PDF). 🤔

WHAT THE FUCK!!

For a freelance job I searched for a JS function in the HTML document of a Wordpress site that was given to me.

Found it and wanted to get started on the project, but there was something odd about this website (besides it's a Wordpress site). The scrollbar was fucking small and when I scrolled down, all I saw was breaks. An almost endless number of breaks.

Then suddenly There was a line of HTML!! And then another 126 breaks.. :/
(Yeah that's right, I calculated the number of breaks between every line of HTML). This document has 75732 lines of shit.

The whole fucking website loaded in over 20 seconds!! What the fuck is that?!?! The document itself is 258 kB!!

But whatever, I get paid.

After trying polymer for a week, I can officially say that it is the most confusing framework ever.

They need to learn how to properly document their code.

Stack overflow doesn't help because the dipshit who asked the question ALWAYS "misspelled" a variable.

Developers who think using cryptic variable names (like acronyms) is better than long descriptive variable names.....but then feel the need to document/comment the variable name rather than just naming the variable properly in be first place.

// Current CGRect to draw into
let ccgrd = self.currentCGRect()

Instead of just

let currentRectForDrawing = self.currentCGRect()

Me: You provided the wrong credentials for AWS. That’s why it won’t work. Please provide updated ones using document I emailed you last month.

Client: I forgot how to do that. Will you be free tonight after 9pm?

Me:.....

Yes. This really just happened. No. I am not doing it unless they pay hourly.

I absolutely hate it when people don't document their code well enough

project launched and everything is going smoothly so far. since I have some time, I started writing documentation and I put this at the start of the document.

Working on my website. Ranting on positioning my background which uses CSS perspective and translateZ to move slowly when someone scrolls.

Can't figure out a way to make it not overflow the whole document for almost 3 days.

Out of frustration changed the position to fixed.

And the problem was gone :( :D :(

I have no idea if I should cry or laugh loudly

Been asked to do things out of my area, like print stuff, make videos, institutional document guides, etc etc etc

Me when after a client has signed a spec document and they still try to add more features. Cannot find words to explain how much I hate scope creep.

To the previous devs who decided to write dozens of 2000+ line js files, so tightly coupled that if you make the slightest change everything breaks apart, who decided not to document anything, and who are out there in the world creating more of these monstrosities...

<<<<<<<<<<@Skayo>>>>>>>>>>

document became do***ent

I see what you did there

When your grumpy 70y old manager want you to document procedures on how to unzip a file using winzip and never read it.

Lawer: "We need to share in our internal site a document but it can't be shared, printed or downloaded. We need it yesterday"

And now how we can make it happen???

Opened an old document using Office, tried hours to move around the document but couldn't.
Then realised, I was pressing 'h', 'j', 'k' and 'l'.
😒😒

There should be a document given to all recruiters outlining how technologies are related and what NOT to ask developers. The hate has to stop. Imagine a world where the recruiters (broadly) understood devs. We'd have a much easier time getting jobs. I think I might just write one up and try to distribute it locally.

My wife often listen my rants about stupid clients, she thinks that I hope to much from them. Like image as actual image not fucking embedded in word document.
Today she agreed to help her friend and make name cards for tables. Got list of names ;) one photo of paper with hand written names on it :D

So I took up a website development project, and the customer sent me a clear requirements document (yay!). I make the website, show the demo and boom, suddenly the client wants COMPLETELY different things. Fml.

Client : I want an online store

Me: oh nice, send me your requirements document and a preferred website.

Client: 24hours later, sends me images of the products... wtf

Just finished 15 a4 pages long document about app and tomorrow I must send it but still need to make another document 1 page (easy) and presentation in libreoffice about it.
Ahhhhhhhhhh

In the middle of coding: "Too into code to document properly. Will document later."

Two weeks later:"What the actual fuck is this code doing?"

Person: I need documentation for your program.
Me: Program isn't done yet.
Person: We want it anyways.
Me: Everything I document in dev will be drastically different once it's completed.
Person: Yes, we want documentation of what doesn't work so we can refer to it later for help.

Wrote some documentation in a text-editor. Pressed cmd+option+l and wondered for a moment why it didn't properly formatted my document.

Who are you, developers who send out their cv in a word document and in a language that is not English???🤯 May I tell the HR to not pass any of those CVs to me?

My boss had a 50 page word document where he add any bugs he has found (he likes to test before it goes to QA) we then have to read that document for any changes (hi-lighted in blue) then add them to our bug tracking system. Any updates that are made on the ticket we have to add to the word document.

We tried letting him use our bug tracking tool but he hated using it as the padding on the navigation links was too big. We would have to redesign the 3rd party tool just for him

Our class has a google docs document where we take notes for our technical subjects. I sneaked in a little note about git: "git push -f" is the recommended programm when pushing to origin for a smoothless workflow.

Let's see how many sheeps follow my instructions blindly😈

Got asked: Could you add more columns to this Word document?

Me: *Checks* *Sees it's all tabbed, not a table* Um. No.

When a Field Tech emails you about a problem and the screenshot is embedded in a Word Document. WTF, why can't they send it as a f'ing jpeg, gif, or IDK a png?

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My hardware professor from first year at uni

He wasn't the best lecturer (which he openly admitted), but he was always willing to go an extra 10 miles to help you out, including essentially writing up the entire module into a nice document (70 pages long!) so we'd have good notes to revise from

Is it wrong to expect some widespread documentation from a $350 billion company to properly document a key part of their upgrade path for a new SDK version? beware any Android devs upgrading from API 3.X to 4.X on the Facebook SDK.......you'll want FacebookSdk.setLegacyTokenUpgradeSupported(true); before your call to initialize.....

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It's Friday. You know what that means.....

Don't touch nuffin' and DOCUMENT.

Why can’t you just make a document with the description of the things you want?
Why do you feel the need to send me fucking voice notes over 9 min long?

Java professor just copied his code from a word document into netbeans. I have lost faith in humanity.

I was employed as a Researcher so for three months i basically did nothing but read, document, read, document, read, document. Then one day in a review i was doing a demo that required sql. Three months no coding. Of course I've forgotten. And now, this ass back boss of mine gets surprised because i asked for help on update syntax for sql?!?! Like, come on. I COULD GOOGLE THAT. No big deal. But it was to him. He thought i was incompetent as a software engineer. So hE DECIDED TO JUST RANDOMLY PUT ME IN A DEV TEAM and i was expected to perform as fAst AS THEM while still doing mountains of task on research. Worst part is THEY EVALUATED ME BASED ON THAT PERFORMANCE. AFTER I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR THREE MONTHS AS A RESEARCHER, I GET EVALUATED BADLY BECAUSE I DIDNT MEMORIZE THE UPDATE SYNTAX NGNGNNGGNGNNGNGGNF

Been working a year and a half on an offer for a client to plan their new system. Today they wanted us to construct the whole system and call it a beta only to pay 10% of the total costs. They said it is our responsibility to make the budget work as they are merely the "end users and not tech people". I am considering to tell them to go f**k themselves tomorrow.

QMS admin: you only finished the code review, you didn't complete it!

Me: opens review clicks complete

QMS: you didn't export the code review comments!

Me: opens code review again. Clicks Export. Attaches *.txt

QMS: you exported the comments in the wrong format, I can't read them

Me: what is the right format?

QMS: SOP document <random alphanumeric> clearly states the format

Me: spends 20 minutes navigating the piece of crap QMS software with no search function folder by folder.

Finds document.

It's 120 pages and 4 years old.

On page 68, I find "template to be implemented"

Reply to QMS, that document doesn't actually give a reference to a template

QMS: Email my line manager "Please teach your staff how to do a code review"

Business analysts who spend more time on the format of a document than the content

Debug in microsoft word document

Everyday tech support struggles:

- "I can't find my document."

- "Ok where did you save it?"

- "In Word."

- "I understand you saved it in Word but where did you save the file to?"

- "I'm not sure, Word did the rest"

Made parsers that are downloading and parsing 100 years of law data right now.

I am so happy I don’t have to read every document and just let computer do it for me.

That are great times we live in.

I hate debugging document oriented data types..
Can't even sysout easily like primitive data types.
Need a debugging duck.

Copy code from a word document because "his PDF wouldn't open" 😭

I hate making documents about programming or android porting.
I could tak about it and say all i need but in document it all needs to be good looking and just formal while in talk you can just talk about it.
AHHHHHHHHHH another 7 A4 pages long document about android porting. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Document your code

As I'm learning Chinese, I realize I'll feel compelled to document all my projects in Chinese and English if I ever reach a proficient level.

Right now I'm reading the three little pigs, but i'm determined!

Google has flagged a document in my drive, saying that it is violating its terms of service.
The document is just a digital logic and computer design book.
I don't know how a book is violating its TOS?

When I think of booting into Windows to edit a document. Next thing I see:

The moment when someone on the panel at a conference mentions the need to document work and you try to start a slow clap...but mostly everyone else in the room has no clue what they were talking about.

Our Excel file of critical bugs to fix before live went from 18 to 11 today. I was super happy... then I asked my colleague how he was getting on with his "Points from the designer" task.

It's another document which had 25 new points added to it this afternoon.

Finished CZscheduler, an Android module part of CZenter.

It generates your daily schedule.

Export options are json, md, pdf

PDF output sample

------

This document was edited and uploaded directly with CZedit

When customer insists on a proffesional design document

Who in the right mind, would use NULL as an identifier for an essential part of their library and then NOT document it anywhere.
I spend approx 5 hours today, hunting down why my code was segfaulting.

Shouldn't be there a position called "Document Developer"! who's job is writing documents throughout the whole sdlc processes? Also expanding comments written by the coders. The only skill needed is English MVC framework!

Who knew running OCR on a 70 page scanned document would take 42 minutes and eat nearly all your RAM? RIP server 🤣🤣🤣

Worst documentation I've dealt with? It's cute that you think the other devs document jack shit.

Best advice so far: "KISS: Keep It Simple and Stupid"

That works every time because your design of the code will be understandable. Your code must seldom to be refactored. You aren't that asshole who never comment and document anything. And the most important part: The code works as designed without flaws!

After like 15 odd years using MySQL I'm about to delve into the world of document orientated databases ... Wish me luck :)

TIL what Document OBJECT Model actually means. The whole phuqing thing is an OBJECT!

TFW you open a brand new project after working on lines of code for months.

>closes last project
>at least 400 lines of code
>be me: "good bye my old friend."
>opens blank document
>anxiety
>hello darkness my old friend
>Aghhhhhhhhhh

As I am now in a leading position in the middle of a agile transition:

has anyone got a source for a project done completely with user stories?

I am searching a real life example with already finished stories an active backlog and a documentation.

I just can't wrap my head around it. When and what do you document? In which Form do you document? How are you writing user stories with more content like diagrams and such?

(we use jira and confluence but just started with stories)

I read some articles on the topic and watched some talks but sill don't get the picture.

How to spend more time writing docs then code?
15m = doc
1m = code

<code>
/* Motor DC + Mosfet IRF520 + Servo
Materials:
IRF520 (Mosfet) + Dc motor + Batery (3V min)
diode (1N4007?)
Changed Tip122 for IRF520: Tip122 has less resistance and produces more heat

Hardware:
ARDUINO = A(port , 5V , GND)
MOSFET = M(A[port] , + , GND)
MOTOR = MOTOR(+ , -)
BATERIA = BAT(+ , -)
DIODO = D(sinal_1 , sinal_2)

MOSFET
M(port) = A(port)
M(+) = D(sinal_1) AND MOTOR(+)
M(GND) = A(GND)

D(sinal_2) = B(+) AND MOTOR(-)

ARDUINO
A(port) = M(port)
5V = null
A(GND) = M(GND) AND BAT(-)

*/

#define motorPIN 8 // A(port)
int loopy = 0; // Loop variable to limit de program

void setup()
{
// Initialize the motor pin as an output:
pinMode(motorPIN, OUTPUT);

}

void loop() // 1 loop == 100ms
{
if (loopy < 10) // Turns motor ON for 1 second
{
digitalWrite(motorPIN, HIGH);
}
else // Turns motor OFF
{
digitalWrite(motorPIN, LOW);
}
}

</code>

What are you doing crashing on me Windows?

All I was doing was running a flight simulation, compiling a build, and doing a regex search over 6 directories. Try to open one little document and it all goes to hell.

Surely you can handle that Windows?

Apparently not.

Coworker: So should we just make a living document to keep track of how all these objects are going to interact with each other?

Boss: No, are you kidding? No one reads documentation!

I mean... he has a point...

Colleague: "Hey, how do you scan the document from the printer to my laptop?"

"Hey, how can you help me to open the pdf?"

..

Why are devs treated like office boys/girls

"It was hard to code so it should be hard to understand."

- my former boss who did never document any code

Any one else who uses visual studio find them self pressing Ctrl + . When there is a typo in an office document or email and it is underlined in red with a swiggly line thinking it’s intlisense? Then get pissed for that it doesn’t pop up!?

Who the hell returns a SOAP response with a CDATA node containing a text string that is a concatenation of XML document?

Someone hates me...

First you make a filthy JSON protocol where numbers are encapsulated into strings.

Then you document this little fact nowhere. Actually you don't document anything at all.

Then you make a shitty parser that ignores any exception. So that when I try to send my objects, it took two hours to figure out it was "my fault" as I was sending actual integers instead of strings.

I think you deserve to suffer a terrible agony for exactly the amount of time I lost.

When QA isn't smart and you spend way to much time talking and in meetings.... "Listen, we are only testing for new bugs related to this fix, if there is a pre-existing bug, document it and move on".

QA finds a pre-existing bug and stays fixated on it for 3 days....

exactly two years back I joined my current company, it is spanish company and I speak only english. each document that was there in the welcome kit was in spanish, including design and architecture documents. also coding guidelines. it was a night mare as comments in the code were also in spanish. it took me three days to come to terms with reality.

Is it so hard for other people to write code as if there will be other eyes watching? When will people learn that a programming language is what bridges the communication gap between humans and machines? If I can't follow your code, you wrote it poorly. Period. At least document what the hell is going on. Be considerate of the next person. Unbelievable.

My boss told me to dismantle the continuous integration server for me project and document how to do those manually.

It feels like I've been writing this document for months

Excuse me?!
You called me to encode this compliance document?
And I'll take care of the contents?
Just follow the format?
And must be submitted to central office/agency? Deadline is today?
Wait, do you know what time is it? It's fvcking 11:40AM PHT and office is only until 5PM.

I'm an IT guy. Your only developer, sysad, and you want me to do a management document? Am I regular like you? Wait, is that even a technical document? Wtf!

I was in the middle of coding and checking our server status when this high-rank employee from the Admin office called me and was told to do this compliance document what has nothing to do with me or even our IT unit. So yeah, this is how crazy some government office work here in PH.

On Friday a bunch of sophomores are coming into our computer IT class to see if they want to join. We are setting up stations for them to learn, listen, and interact with to show them what it's like in our class, and I wrote the code so they will write a HTML document that tells us basic info about them!!

Can anyone recommend good resources for learning how to design NoSQL (document) data models?

I'm interested in stuff that talks about how to make the choices about distributing data across collections, etc.

When to have a single collection, when to split data across different collections, when to duplication data, etc,

The thing I hate the most at the moment, is working/receiving tasks on chat (Skype, telegram).
Content, corrections and all. As I like to scroll my hand off to copy your fucking content while you keep writing on an on.
Write a motherfucking document!

Now I start raging at the any chat notifications 😡😈

I'm an old school programmer, I remember coding in BASIC, ASP, and such languages, I made a streaming site in PHP, that I could use when going to parties and their music sucked, I phoned BBS computers, I document took forever to download.. Still I'm searching for a job in IT, I wonder how that will go :S

Welcome to our development process! Where we come up with a project idea when we have two upcoming projects, have a late night writing an 16 page design document, to later cancel the project two months later.

RTFM, seriously. I'm assigned to document the git-system even though all it takes is "RTFM" and a link to the official docs. It's even the second time i do this because my last attempt at documentation got lost...

anyone else paranoid when it comes to privacy? i'm already deleting my stack exchange accounts after realising that whatever I do there would be hard to delete. i keep googling myself. this is crazy.

Fuck appraisals and their 8 page document.

I made a pretty useful library that the whole company uses but its all in bits and pieces and i cant be assed to organize and document it, but i really wanna put it in a central repo

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FUCKING RETARDS USE TWO DIFFERENT AUTHENTICATION METHODS FOR THE PAYMENT AND THE CHECKOUT API AND DON'T EVEN DOCUMENT THIS SHIT PROPERLY!! 🖕

Pm: heres this exciting new task that i know you been asking to take

Me: yeeeeees...?

Pm: so document these things and sketch up a formula for this other thing instead

By changing a single query param any document could be downloaded. Been in production quite a while.

Just got sent a text document to read in and auto generate a mesh from the coordinates in the file. Some how the fact that it's >29,000,00 coordinate points has failed to be mentioned until now.

I just hate writing comments and the Software Design Document for the code and changes done my me.

VS Code, WTF is wrong with your tab stops?
I set to 2 and you still use 4.
I say use spaces for tabs and you still put tabs in my document.
Tab settings by doc type? Not existing or working.

Damn you!
Just work

This client keeps on popping me with numerous emails. In last hour, I've received over dozen emails with the one sentence website feedback from him.

Make a proper feedback document and send it to me at once you creepy animal.

Unity's and Apple's documentation spoiled me bad. Why can't every library out there document their shit the same way the former does? I'm looking at you, OpenCV.

Trying to read and understand a document for a startup project, so I can help with wireframes and mockups.

So full of yadda yadda it makes you think "what do these guys drink in the morning?".

Is it that hard to make a simple and direct document? 😢

Every time I updated API document, I ask you to comment

You said it looks fine

And when we start integration, you said this need to change

🤷‍♂️

You know what's fucked up a part of debugging? Preparing a fucking word "report" document, in which the table wouldn't align properly.

Seriously, I hate my university's grading criteria. They ask first to send 'weekly reports', and after internship ask for 'final report' which consists the same fucking thing.

Wasting 7 sheets of paper because of this fucking HP Officejet(6600). ALL I ASKED WAS TO PRINT THAT FREAKING 14 PAGE LONG DOCUMENT AND YOU WITH YOUR FUCKING OWN MIND LET ME UNSTUCK YOU 7 TIMES!!!

Me: Sends the document to the printer.
Printer: Let's do like I am going to print.
Printer: let's show the "document stuck" message
me: Let's open the back and remove the paper.
Printer: let's show the "document stuck" message
Me: Just pressed OK and it continues

WTF YOU AREN'T EVEN STUCK YOU FUCKING STUPID PRINTER.

Looks like every time I send a file to the printer at least the 1st sheet will troll me with that message.

Printer is asking for some free base jumping from the window lessons.

So, i just had to pull a JavaScript file from a website only to figure out the API they used, well, they had API/2.2 API/2.3 and API/2.4
Best part?
The only document API was 1.1 that was broken

Sure you can specify svg object attributes x, y, width and height in metric values like mm and after put things on paper get same printed output but if you want to transform svg object you need to calculate new values by yourself cause you can’t simply provide translate (10mm, 10mm).

Now I ended up with manually converting values to mm.

Making free transform tool for exact document data rendering inside browser is pain in the ass.

I started to wonder how google docs or microsoft word for web deal with this stuff.

That happy moment when you finish that big list of features requests and you have to document all requests, outputs and models with types and descriptions, all in a foreign language :)

The feeling after you refactor 4000+ lines of ugly legacy code into 2000 lines of code placed in a framework ...these 4000 lines also all one document

Manager's document instructions
cover all topics but we don't want a detailed doc
nothing should remain unexplained but it should not have exhaustive coverage of project since we don't have the time.
I know this will take time but we have only 2 days