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Cocaine... Lots and lots of cocaine...
I'm joking, don't to drugs kids :)
Unless it's cocaine.. God I love cocaine6 -
Paycom is utter dogshit.
Clunky, error prone, junior mistakes on every page, and filled to the brim with HR doublespeak and legalese.
A roving gang of quadriplegic interns could do a better job if the requirements were written in cuneiform and they were paid, up front, in cocaine and whiskey.14 -
I have this project I've inherited, yea I seem to do that a lot, but this damn thing, has to run in php5.4, has deprecated functions for php7 everywhere and a lot of them and there's no classes anywhere beyond some libraries.
Everything is procedural with random scripts being injected left right and center.
I kid you not,
$thisThing = true;
If(x==y)
require "path/to/some/script.php";
else
require "path/to/a/slightly/different/script.php";
If($thisThing === false){
// well it was modified in that small block about 10 different times
}
Those injected scripts then accept data from the parent scope so, looking at file X, you need to have open file A,B, E, and M to understand where variables have been initialised and what there current state could potentially be.
Basically this thing was bandaid after bandaid for feature requests with 0 refactoring.
Here I am trying to implement some basic functionality (should only take an hour or so + a bit of manual testing) but no, I'm literally at the point of hitting the delete button on the entire project and starting again.18 -
The Cloud Of Bullshit
Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.
For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.
I love it.
And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.
Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"
I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.
2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?
3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?
The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"
Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.
Native or nothing.
For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"
But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).
So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).
It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.
It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.
So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?
Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.
Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".
Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.
I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.
Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.
After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.
Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.
P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.
And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."
It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.
OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.
The cloud can suck my balls.18 -
Best tool:
Your hands!
- incredibly flexible
- express a lot of commands trough very little code (just raise the middle finger and tell me if you are not expressing something VERY strong with VERY little complexity)
- reusable
- interfaces
- smells of good soap
Worst tool:
Your brain
- highly power consuming
- wrinkly, ehw!
- overthinks a lot
- imposter syndrome
- hooked on sugar like it was cocaine
- hooked on cocaine like it was sugar
- refuses to comprehend chthulu5 -
Dear Panicked Managers,
We are behind. We all know we are behind, and I would love to spend 10 hours fixing our shit.
Instead, your shit riddled brains decided that WAY too many demos, with practice demos, are the correct move! We are wasting 8 hours a week, per person working on them! That means we lose a day of development, but you are not moving deadlines and still complaining about the amount of throughput!
In those 8 hours a week, we could all build the new features, and you could throw an orgy, do lots of cocaine, beat hookers to death, do whatever CEOs do! Instead, you call us to all gather around and listen to you bitch that shit isn't getting done...
Sincerely,
Pissed Off3 -
I swear to god, Stardew Valley is some form of crack cocaine, my partner got an xbox and a copy of it, I played it ages ago and got a little taste from her, now I have just been playing it non stop again.
Planed to do some prototyping and get some of my game engine finished but nope... My parsnips need me!2 -
A lot of coke! I meant Coca Cola, not not cocaine. But sometimes I got feeling, it will help more.8
-
Cocaine to keep awake (when coffee doesn't help), my Amazon Music playlist and my Stressball so I don't hurt myself punching my furniture while raging4
-
1984 was quite a year:
- Stallman starts developing GNU
- The first Apple Macintosh hits the stores
- Tetris is invented
- The first Terminator movie premiered
- Dell Computers is founded
- FidoNet is created
- Crack cocaine is invented
- Modern Talking and Bad Boys Blue started making music7 -
Thanks to devrant (again) I'm thinking more on what to post next instead of how to code the next feature... It's like cocaine, It ruins me but i can't get enough of it !6
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Me: "Yeah so I have this problem, I generated an environment and setup a NodeJS docker image on it and it returns "Cannot find public IP address", help"
SO: "Yeah but what are you trying to achieve? Here is a link of the documentation everyone saw and that didn't help at all."
Me: "I just want to... reach the fucking server? Without trouble? Please?"
Some people need some cocaine in they morning coffee, if it can help then open their fucking eyes -
If this unit test were a real person, I'dsmack it across the face with a steel pipe and shatter its spine with a spiked mace coated in acid. Then I'd toss the fucker into a pit full of a hundred angry, rabid weasels and snarling, hungry raccoons, sprinkle some ground chestnuts and cocaine and tell bastard to run until I see some goddamn green.5
-
Does your PC still have a hunk of spinning rust inside it?
Crucial MX300 - 750GB - £105. 99. https://amazon.co.uk/dp/B01DUNLMUU/...
YOU'RE WELCOME.3 -
For future generations :
Bring back cocaine to coca cola.
Since 1904 Coca Cola no longer contains extract from cocaine leaves.
Drugs who made us.
If we live in matrix and we are simulated the general rule would be wipe bugs from the system so ex. if all of people were using cocaine cause they drink coca cola the wipe would be remove cocaine from the coca cola. That would fix the cocaine bug. Cause people in 1904 had almost no knowledge about how world looks like, they were using pigeons to deliver messages. If we bring back cocaine maybe we would also bring back those times, when everyone dropped cocaine in 1939 - 35 years old ourselves were fighting to death between each other cause of rehab.
I wonder how many of those non visual but only statistical bugs we have on this planet. Machine learning is just one of the tools we use to learn about them.1 -
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: Researching on cocaine. //Assignment was about cocaine in Coca-Cola
Mom: Is cocaine a CS course or something?// So naive
Me: Yes it's a mind boggling course, some people fail to survive the course. It's practiced world wide.
Mom: ooh good good. Carry on
And my sarcasm went unnoticed until later when I told her what cocaine is.😂 -
a nearly lethal amount of adderall as well as a small paper cup filled with liquid cocaine. Also somehow getting heart-burn from a singular french fry.4
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Cocaine. Wait that's not what you meant, didn't you?
Mostly copied from YouTube and stack overflow. Someday stuck with camel case because my friends got fed up with me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
For years now I've been "dreaming in code" but in the stupid way, which is only appropiate.
I try to explain it to myself and *I* can't understand it.
One, by some oniric enchantment, is capable of communicating signals through use of some symbolic language; and any time one speaks, they are affecting all that follows.
So a sequence of these, of any size, corresponds to some kind of program, and the self is some sort of collection of mutable structures being affected by them. And new symbols arise from within the self, corresponding to sequences of previously spoken symbols.
This process in itself can be satisfying, for the mere challenge of engaging with it's bottomless complexity, but it also suffers from a complete lack of purpose.
What does it mean? It's all undefined, yet doing something, so it must *mean* something. But what is it doing? One simply cannot grasp it!
I go to bed at night and traverse my tree, I recognize it, I've been working on it for years. Time is different there, you can just keep infinitely building shit, it never ends. Then I wake up and everything makes sense, for a little while.
But what I see isn't quantifiable; I can't turn it into a representation that works outside of a dream. Does it give me some vague ideas for the "actual" code I'm working on, yes of course. Yet it's all so... elusive, I can never put it into words. How exactly I could think of this? Well, it's in my tree, I know it because I wrote it as I slept. But how?
Fucking brains, maan.1
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