Sure sex is cool but have you ever deleted Microsoft Teams from your phone?

Having a PM is like having a little kid, while driving somewhere, and he's constantly asking: "Are we there yet??".

*Romantic candlelit dinner*

GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"

Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"

My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*

GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"

Me: *blinks in awe*

Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate

So HR invited us to a mandatory hour long talk on why rest and relaxation is important for work efficiency.

On a Saturday.

You can’t make this shit up.

One day you’ll write a line of code which will be your very last one.

Imagine wasting it on something like php.

Me: So, I've been looking through the code and there's barely any comments and documentation. What's up with that?

Him: Yeah, it's really complex and low level, so it's difficult to actually describe what it does.

Me: But that's exactly why you should document it! 🤦🤦🤦

Him: ...

Manager: so how long will feature A take?

Me: about a week.

Manager: and feature B?

Me: also a week.

Manager: how about C?

Me: another week

Manager: great! then we can finish the project in a week!

THAT'S NOT HOW MATH WORKS

So I told my wife one week ago: "Yeah, you should totally learn to code as well!"

Yesterday a package arrived, containing a really beautiful hardcover book bound in leather, with a gold foil image of a snake debossed into the cover, with the text "In the face of ambiguity -- Refuse the temptation to guess" on it.

Well, OK, that's weird.

My wife snatches it and says: "I had that custom made by a book binder". I flip through it. It contains the Python 3.9 language reference, and the PEP 8 styleguide.

While I usually dislike paper dev books because they become outdated over time, I'm perplexed by this one, because of how much effort and craftsmanship went in to it. I'm even a little jealous.

So, this morning I was putting dishes into the dishwasher, and she says: "Please let me do that". I ask: "Am I doing anything wrong?"

Wife responds: "Well, it's not necessarily wrong, I mean, it works, doesn't it? But your methods aren't very pythonic. Your conventions aren't elegant at all". I don't think I've heard anyone say the word "pythonic" to me in over a decade.

And just now my wife was looking over my shoulder as I was debugging some lower level Rust code filled with network buffers and hex literals, and she says: "Pffffff unbelievable, I thought you were a senior developer. That code is really bad, there are way too many abbreviated things. Readability counts! I bet if you used Python, your code would actually work!"

I think I might have released something really evil upon the world.

Honestly I don’t remember any particular one cause every interview is such a traumatic experience.
People on interviews are almost all the same, they just try to prove their superiority over you and break you.

I totally understand why, it’s because they think they understand what IT is about and in fact they understand shit, that’s why also most of computer systems are shit, cause of shitty people doing it who don’t understand how computer work, they can just copy paste stuff and do beautiful talks about how cool they are and how awesome their company is.

At the end ( at the edge ) it doesn’t matter if you know tech stack or not, if you have gazillion years of experience or you just started. It only matters if you can solve problems and how good and fast you can do it.

But well do your reverse tree in 15 minutes. I’d rather be talking about philosophy during the interview.

Credits: https://twitter.com/yatish27/...

When a normal person says "IMHO", it means "In my humble opinion"

When a programmer says "IMHO", its means "You are wrong".

Unintentionally Hilarious joke at work yesterday.

We were doing some data analysis, and I had to dump some stuff into a table for my colleague. So I ran the script and went to the bathroom (no.2).

When I came back, they asked me if the dump is done. And I said without thinking: "I just went." 😂

Today a friend tried to zoom in on a paper map that I had put on the table...

Why cant all terms and conditions be this short

Life lesson learned:

If your girlfriend asks you what SO means, it's "Significant Other",

NOT StackOverflow.

Javascript why? (－‸ლ)

code review

And on Fridays we all say together...

✨
✨ DON'T ✨
✨
✨ PUSH ✨
✨ ✨
✨ TO ✨
✨
✨ PRODUCTION ✨
✨
✨

This is hilarious 😂😂

Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..

*15 minutes later

Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task

*30 minutes later

Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..

Boss: what?..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..

Boss: *walks away..

Minimum punishment it is

Boss throwing up a huge source code that I didn't see before.

Boss: Hey, this is an app from a contractor to do XYZ.

Me: Oh, okay.. so?

Boss: You will continue the code and the maintenance now. How much time do you need to implement X feature?

Me: I need to see the code first, can't say nothing now.

Boss: ok I need estimation now.

Me: *getting nervous* I need to see the fuckening code first. if you want estimation now I would say one year..

Boss: what?

Me: what?

At my previous job a coworker left positive comments alongside any negative ones on my code. “Nice job here. Very clean”, or “nice use of X design pattern here!” Kinda made me look forward to his code reviews.

When we finally get to Mars, all programmers on Earth will scream in pain over having to program another timezone

My girlfriend is amazing:

After a long uphill battle trying to finish a huge open source project I started months ago. She noticed I was getting a little deflated.
So she donated a small amount to the donation page to lift my spirits.
She wanted to do it secretly but didn't know that it wasnt anonymous.

The little things spur us on.

Heard of dockers, noe see dockers inside dockers on my project with webserver implementation.
https://github.com/yshivam/Flipper

Do you care about your workplace/employer?

I feel quite a bit of stress, and a good friend of mine told me I "probably do it to myself" (working too hard and/or caring too much)

From him I heard that I care too much about stuff I don't get payed to do.

(Think management and server related stuff while I'm just a web developer)

So my question is either, do you care about what's going on? Do you think nah fuck it? Where do you draw the line?

Shout to all single programmers

My team is like the Avengers except instead of different superpowers we all have different personality disorders.

naked developer day:
Today I'll work from home, sitting completely naked in front of my mac. Only keyboard, mac and me.

It's a huge saving in clothes and energy to clean them