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Search - "shit boss"
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Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.
He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.
He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.
I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.
After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.
THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.
I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.
We got the contract.20 -
Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.
I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.
Suddenly the production is down.
Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.
That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.24 -
Last hour of my job today:
Hardstyle blasting out of the speakers at full volume
Everyone drinking a beer
Boss coming in with "Fuck this shit we're gonna game!"
This is what I call a good end of the work week 😍33 -
Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"
Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"
Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"
Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"
Boss: "What?"
Me: "Not the team, the servers..."
Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"
Me: "I get why he left you"
Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."
Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"
Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"
Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."
Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"
Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"
Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"
Boss: "That's what he said"
Me: "You're using that meme wrong"
Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"
Me: "That would work"
Boss: "Why are you grinning?"
Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"18 -
So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.
Backstory:
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.
(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)
According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.
It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.12 -
Me: Did Sherry let you know that I'm leaving today?
Coworker: what!? No!
Me: yeah... I'm leaving.
Coworker: huh, I'm not surprised...
Me: what is that supposed to mean!?
Co: shit man, this job sucks, I'm not surprised. I'll be leaving right behind you.
Me: oh.... Um... April Fools... 😬
Co: God damnit.
Me: don't worry, I won't tell the boss how you really feel.4 -
so i just got fired 🔥 🔥 🔥 because i wanted a 200 fucking dollars raise after 1 year of work and sacrifices and feeling like shit.
200$ because i live in the 3rd fucking world, working with a stupid motherfucking boss (you know the fat old tone deaf cunt), he's american, and he brings projects from the US from clients paying thousands of dollars, and he pays us 300$, and by the fucking way he used to pay us 100$ (we are 3 developers, a dick who does nothing but report our behavior, and a shit who does shit. we are a development company and we are the only developers and we got fired because he thought we didn't deserve the raise and that he sees no reason in giving us more money because we're already wasting the company's money and time).
So now the only people left there are the dick, the shit and the fatass boss who's in the states rn.
the funny thing is after we left by an hour or so we got calls from many other companies that we refused to work with because of our loyal-fucking-ty.
the motherfucker thinks we're conspiring against him, that we don't trust him, well of fucking course we don't, he lies about having a company in the US, well it's there but it's suspended (we looked it up), he says he's a microsoft, intel, adobe, dell, lenovo partner, and he's not.
well fuck i'm kind of happy that i left, i'm sitting with my friends in a cafe right now thinking about finishing our personal projects.
forgot something: the projects we were working on are unfinished, and there's not a single fucker to finish them, so he's ball deep in shit. hope this rant is relatable40 -
Coworker in my team recently said to boss:
"Thanks, this conversation with you has taught me so much about single-threaded blocking I/O"
Some random PR comments from our company's repository:
"Are you insured? I hope you are insured"
"Learning git is not that difficult. You only need one command: git reset --hard"
*Link to amazon for dog poop bags*
"Please clean up your shit, before I step in it"
"Have you thought about a career in sales? At least there you might sell your bullshit"2 -
Boss: I have really bad new
Me: What?
Boss: ....
Boss ... we have to clean your room tomorrow and remove all the Stallman posters, because marketing wants to film shit. But dont worry, we put them right up again when they are done9 -
-During the brief moment stack overflow was down today-
Boss: “can you look up how to do this?
Me: “stack overflow is down”
Boss: “well shit I guess you can go home”6 -
Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."
The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.
Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.13 -
Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"
*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*
Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.
Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"
*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*11 -
A "support" guy my boss got in. I had told my boss numerous times, "Get rid of this guy, he's only wasting our time and money. And he's going to end up doing something where we will end up having to put out the fires."
Sure as a pair of nuts on a squirrel, this crazy bastard goes and DELETES a client's database. Yes folks, in fucking production. A live database. The heart of the business' transactions are... *poof*... GONE!!!
No backups for the day! No synchronisation beforehand! No nothing... just GONE!!! Fucking flat-lining!
Well, when I realised what he has done, I had to remove myself from the room before shit got outta hand!
I told the boss man that is the last straw and he needs to go...
The long and short of it...
- The client had luckily only lost about half a days data.
- I'm no longer at the company.
- This dumb fuck still is.18 -
Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..
*15 minutes later
Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task
*30 minutes later
Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..
Boss: what?..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..
Boss: *walks away..16 -
Summary of the summary: Boss is an asshole. Root gets angry; boss leaves instead of picking a fight for once. This makes Root sad (and really angry).
Summary: Root has another interaction with her boss. The boss is an asshole. Root is a bitch. Root would have been so so so much more of a bitch if the boss actually fucking responded. Root is sad this didn't happen. Root might have gotten fired. That would have made Root happy. :<
-------------
Le wild blackout appears!
-- Conference call (the short-short version) --
Boss: *freaks out* Fix it! Why aren't you fixing it? You have to fix it.
Me: I'm already fixing it. 😕
Boss: You have to fix it! This is important!
Me: Then let's get off this call so I can focus on fixing it!
Boss: Okay but fix it! *begrudgingly hangs up*
-- Slack --
Me: (posting a running log of what I'm doing) This is what i discovered. this is the cause. these are the possible fixes. I picked this one because it's quick and has few consequences, though it may break ____ so it'll need followup fixes. I'll do those tomorrow. Blackout resolved!
Boss: (apparently doesn't even noticed I fixed his shitty service)
-- Next day --
Boss: I want you to work on [stupid shit] instead.
Me: But what about the followup fixes?
Boss: Top priority! because customer service!
Me: ... fine.
-- Next week (verbatim because wtf) --
Boss: Did we test that [resolution] on ______? No one thought to test this. It didnt cross anyones mind at all? Either you guys can make good decisions and document concerns or I have to be part of every decision [...]. But this is basic. SHould have been a team heads up and said if we are switching this what can it break and can we test it. [sic]
Me: Did you want me to resolve the blackout quickly and allow people to actually use our service, or spend two days checking everything that might possibly have gone wrong? I weighed the possibilities and picked the solution with the quickest implementation with the fewest consequences. You're welcome.
Me: (Quotes boss's "SHould have been a team heads up" and links my "this is what could go wrong" heads-up in Slack)
Boss: (pretends not to even notice)
Boss: (talks about customer service related crap)
What a fucking loser.
I'm so angry he didn't respond and start in on me over it. I wanted to tear him to shreds in front of everyone.
Related:
He tried adding another huge project to my plate earlier today, and I started flipping out on him for all these shitty sales features he keeps dumping on me in place of real work that i still get blamed for not finishing. The contractor stepped in before it got too heated, though, which is probably best because my reaction was pretty unprovoked. The above rant, though? Asshole doesn't read, just blames and yells when he's angry.
I really hate him.20 -
Free advice take it or leave it
A few days ago I completed my one year work anniversary(is that how it's said) at my first job. And this rant is basically stuff I learnt and stuff I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Here goes:-
When you are starting out your first job you would be a fresh out of college and people around you in college are your friends where as people around you at work are colleagues. Your friends can like you, but you have to earn the respect of colleagues.
If you sit yo ass too long u will become fat(started going to the gym again).
Don't bother your seniors too much. they have their own shit to deal with.
Don't bring your personal shit to office I don't want to hear how cute your dog looked while it took a dump on your carpet.
Avoid the person who gossips.
It's a two way street.
Whatever you find amazing your boss may not you know coz you are a geek and your boss isn't.
Don't talk to people when they are coding.Yeah just don't.
Avoid "below the belt" humor you may look funny but you loose respect in the long run.
Keep upgrading yourself don't stop learning.
Admit stuff you don't know don't Bullshit.
To sum it up it's a game of respect, respect of knowledge,respect of skill and most of all respect of attitude.7 -
Boss: if I could put together a counter offer, is that something you might be interested in?
Me: eh, no. I’ve accepted an offer for slightly less money than I’m on
Boss: oh ... oh ok. Right so there’s nothing I can do?
Me: afraid not. You can’t offer me a role not dealing with those people in the states, having to use their shitty custom tools or having to follow their bad practises all day.
Boss: ok ..... shit9 -
Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.
Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?
Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.
Me - *took off my watch* now what?
Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.
Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.21 -
*meeting with boss about a quick site for one of her clients*
Boss- "okay so basically I just want you to copy the content from -already made site- and put it on the new one"
Me- "okay sure do you want it verbatim or "
Boss-"no but something similar"
Me-"okay so you want me to paraphrase this list that's on the homepage?"
Boss-"Well no we dont actually need the list at all as it isnt relevant to us so just take that out"
Me-"okay well that is the only thing on the homepage so what should I replace it with"
Boss-"I dont know, something similar to the list. You can figure something out"
Me-"....I dont know anything about the clients business. I am not going to just make up content, you guys can at least give me some direction there"
Boss-"i didnt think it would be that hard"
Me-"it's really not hard. You're making it harder than it needs to be for me though. Anyway, do you wanna keep the same exact pages as the other site or only transfer some of them or"
Boss-"something that resembles that website but isnt exactly it so some of the pages but not all"
Me-"which ones"
Boss-"the ones relevant to client's business"
Me-*closes notebook, stands up, starts to leave room*
Boss-"where are you going"
Me-"I'm going to get another two cups of coffee cause I didnt have enough this morning for this bullshit"
Boss-*raises eyebrow*
Me-"dont tell me to copy paste a website at first and then continue to tell me its going to be "similar" but different and then further continue to be as vague as possible about what is expected of me to be done in order to make it different! Take the time to decide what it is you want exactly and then tell me, with detail, what you're criteria is so I can do the thing!! I cant read your mind."
Boss-"..... I just didnt think it would be that hard to jot in a few sentences here and there"
I left the room at that point. Irritating as fuck. You dont know tech stuff, don't expect me to know enough about YOUR job to write about it as if I'm a professional. I cant fucking read minds, I have no interest in researching anything just to create the site content myself, and its fucking rude that they wont even take the time to sit down and decide what they want for a website that THEY are paying for. For fucks sake people get your fucking shit together13 -
Windows 10: can i install an update in 2 mins?
Me: can u not fking see that i have a million programs opened and im doing important shit rn
Windows 10: ok boss
2 minutes later
Automatic restart17 -
So I had a job interview and got offered the job on the spot, then I went back to my manager at my current workplace to raise an issue about me being underpaid for this months wages and this is how the conversation went.
Enjoy.20 -
Doot doot.
My day: Eight lines of refactoring around a 10-character fix for a minor production issue. Some tests. Lots of bloody phone calls and conference calls filled with me laughing and getting talked over. Why? Read on.
My boss's day: Trying very very hard to pin random shit on me (and failing because I'm awesome and fuck him). Six hours of drama and freaking out and chewing and yelling that the whole system is broken because of that minor issue. No reading, lots of misunderstanding, lots of panic. Three-way called me specifically to bitch out another coworker in front of me. (Coworker wasn't really in the wrong.) Called a contractor to his house for testing. Finally learned that everything works perfectly in QA (duh, I fixed it hours ago). Desperately waited for me to push to prod. Didn't care enough to do production tests afterwards.
My day afterwards: hey, this Cloudinary transform feature sounds fun! Oh look, I'm done already. Boo. Ask boss for update. Tests still aren't finished. Okay, whatever. Time for bed.
what a joke.
Oh, I talked to the accountant after all of this bullshit happened. Apparently everyone that has quit in the last six years has done so specifically because of the boss. Every. single. person.
I told him it was going to happen again.
I also told him the boss is a druggie with a taste for psychedelics. (It came up in conversation. Absolutely true, too.) It's hilarious because the company lawyer is the accountant's brother.
So stupid.18 -
Looks like I'm getting fired on Wednesday :)
Long story:
*I add first unit tests to project.
*Boss adds new functionality and breaks all the tests so I can't compile and write more for what I'm working on.
*Boss is very fragile and cannot handle any comment that can possibly be taken as a slight against him.
Me: "I wanted to ask what our policy on unit tests is please? Because we haven't really said how we are treating unit tests, and everyone myself included is not thinking about them. I also haven't added tests when I fixed bugs and this time your changes broke the tests"
Boss 10 minutes later: "I want to speak to you in private".
Boss: "you are too forceful and direct. You said I should have added tests."
Me: "yeah but I didn't mean in a nasty way"
Boss getting louder and more aggressive: "You are too forceful"
Me: "I didn't mean it in a bad way"
Boss: "I didn't want to add tests for that!"
Me: "then why add any tests?"
Boss: "Fine we are not having this conversation now!"
*Boss storms out
I decided I can't speak to the guy about anything without upsetting him spoke to the manager before I quit because I can't work like this.
That resulted in a meeting with my boss, his boss and the head of HR where I ended up savaging him and told them I can't bring up anything as I can never tell if it will offend him and that I spend ages writing emails and trying to document communications because I just can never tell if I will upset him. Also that I cannot bring up any ideas because I can't tell if he will somehow get offended and that I can't even write code because if I change something he wrote at some point he will get angry.
My boss claims that I am extremely forceful and disrespectful and that I am constantly insulting him and his decisions.
We go back over a ton of shit and I refute everything he says. In the end I have to have a meeting with him on Wednesday where we either get things straight, he fires me or I quit.
I think at this point that our relationship is too fucked for him to be my team lead on a 6 man team.
Side note I keep bringing forth ideas because we have one database shared between 6 Devs, no pull requests (apart from mine and another new guy), no test driven development, no backlog, no team driven story pointing, no running tests before merging, no continuous integration setup, no integration tests, no build step on merge, no idea of if we are on track to our deadline other than his gut feeling, no actual unit tests backend - just integration with a test db, no enthusiasm to learn in the team and no hope.21 -
My asshole coworkers talking about how programmers without a degree are worth shit and cannot achieve anything in industry besides working from startup to startup.
Well, surprise, I'm sitting right next to them, in the same big company and I don't have ANY higher education at all.
Just because I prefer more hands-on experience than theory stuff doesn't make me worse developer than those bastards. I just learn more from working on something, than from sitting in classroom and taking notes.
Fortunately people at HR and boss also valued my previous experience when they hired me, but now having to work with those guys every day is killing me.13 -
It's official, I am quitting...
Boss walks in today while we busy discussing how to write up the new endpoint we need from the api and tells us there is too much discussion and as only woman can multitask, Dumi is the only person that can be productive...10 -
Boss: I need this page to behave in a completely new way.
Me: that's all fine and dandy but it requires a rewrite.
Boss: nah just look man, it's really simple all I want is blah, blah blah...
I'm too tired for this shit5 -
My company needs a new Website.
ME: Boss, let me do it. It's just a simple static site with a few pages. **Dreaming about a fast and beautiful site**
BOSS: Your time is too valuable. Nobody is paying us for our website. The apprentice will do it.
Few weeks later... Wordpress page! Page loads in > 20sec. Over 150 request for css and js... It's fast on Mobile, because it just breaks and loads only half of the content.
So ashamed working in this Company. No sane customer will ever do business with us, when he sees this stackpile of shit.6 -
My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"
Me: " it's my job"
Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"2 -
More sysadmin focused but y’all get this stuff and I need a rant.
TLDR: Got the wrong internship.
Start working as a sysadmin/dev intern/man-of-many-hats at a small finance company (I’m still in school). Day 1: “Oh new IT guy? Just grab a PC from an empty cubicle and here’s a flash drive with Fedora, go ahead and manually install your operating system. Oh shit also your desktop has 2g of ram, a core2 duo, and we scavenged your hard drive for another dev so just go find one in the server room. And also your monitor is broken so just take one from another cubicle.”
Am shown our server room and see that someone is storing random personal shit in there (golf clubs propped against the server racks with heads mixed into the cabling, etc.). Ask why the golf clubs etc. are mixed in with the cabling and server racks and am given the silent treatment. Learn later that my boss is the owners son, and he is storing his personal stuff in our server room.
Do desktop support for end users. Another manager asks for her employees to receive copies of office 2010 (they’re running 2003 an 2007). Ask boss about licensing plans in place and upgrade schedules, he says he’ll get back to me. I explain to other manager we are working on a licensing scheme and I will keep her informed.
Next day other manager tells me (*the intern*) that she spoke with a rich business friend whose company uses fake/cracked license keys and we should do the same to keep costs down. I nod and smile. IT manager tells me we have no upgrade schedule or licensing agreement. I suggest purchasing an Office 365 subscription. Boss says $150 a year per employee is too expensive (Company pulls good money, has ~25 employees, owner is just cheap) I suggest freeware alternatives. Other manager refuses to use anything other than office 2010 as that is what she is familiar with. Boss refuses to spend any money on license keys. Learn other manager is owners wife and mother of my boss. Stalemate. No upgrades happen.
Company is running an active directory Windows Server 2003 instance that needs upgrading. I suggest 2012R2. Boss says “sure”. I ask how he will purchase the license key and he tells me he won’t.
I suggest running an Ubuntu server with LDAP functionality instead with the understanding that this will add IT employee hours for maintenance. Bosses eyes glaze over at the mention of Linux. The upgrade is put off.
Start cleaning out server room of the personal junk, labeling server racks and cables, and creating a network map. Boss asks what I’m doing. I show him the organized side of the server room and he says “okay but don’t do any more”.
... *sigh* ...20 -
My boss is technically my coworker.
I screamed my lungs out after it became clear that he didn't give a shit about employees that bring him money. After snatching all funds from a finished project on time, failing to deliver on the promise about bonuses (it's what I used to motivate employees to deliver the project on time), refusing to buy a new chair to replace the one held together by scotch tape and careful balancing, I decided to quit with maximum damage.
I screamed so that everybody would hear it. That encouraged another guy to get in with quitting, and within 1 month most of the team had quit, leaving the boss with a risk of lawsuits for prepaid contacts not delivered.
Knowing that piece of shit, he probably recovered and is treating other people badly, but at least every single person from the team experienced the biggest jump in careers straight after that.1 -
You all, something is wrong. No one has pissed me off at work recently (other than boss, but he does that by existing). I'm not sure if they've all learned, or if shit is about to hit the fan.10
-
When your boss says "good job, you have developed something big in such a small time" (~2 weeks) but you haven't showed him the bugs and shit (gonna fix it btw)3
-
To improve our user's "experience" I suggested to my boss to add a status page showing...well, the current status of our services. Everybody was up for it, so I go off and implement a basic version + automated monitoring backend, get lots of positive feedback, all seems fine.
Then it starts:
Boss: "Can you get it all set up by this Saturday?"
Me: "Uh, today is Wednesday and I've never set up all the stuff needed on a proper server before"
Boss: "Well, you still have a few days. Please also contact your coworker to get it all hooked up in our launcher"
Me: "I'll try, can't make any promises though"
Contact my coworker and tell him what the plan is. I had already given him access to the repo and he is positive to get it all hooked up (I doubt he ever cloned my repo, let alone ran my code)
Spend all Friday getting my stuff set up on the production server, feeling pretty good thanks to the many tutorials.
Contact the boss Friday evening:
Me: "All up and running"
Boss: "Thanks, but we decided to go with a basic HTML page instead. We can just manually edit that, should be enough.
Me: "..."
In the end my stuff was never used, the server I set up was finally taken down a month ago. The gratitude you get when not hacking together some absolute shit that causes problems when you don't add <br/> tags at the correct places to prevent an ugly overflow, cause the coworker was too lazy to implement some form of line wrap in the launcher. I'm not saying my stuff is the best of the best, but at least it was professional looking to a certain extent.8 -
My boss is on my line and isn't on mute. I can hear him drink his coffee. I'm much too annoyed for this shit right now.16
-
Hey guys :(
The rant will be long.
Today was one of the worst day ever.
I'm feeling so shitty right now.
I'm 19 and I started my apprenticeship about a half year ago on a very small company.
From day one I had many things to do, every day is hard and a new experience. But I'm learning a lot.
Two months ago I had my very first presentation for a client. I was really excited and nervous but everything was fine and the client as well as my boss were proud of me.
Today I should present again a prototype for the same client. But this time not directly personal, instead we did it via TeamViewer. After the client finally found out, how to open and start this shit, the disaster tooked its course.
After explaining him the conzept, I wanted to show him in the software. For some reason it suddenly stopped working. I've just made a change recently which leads in all appeareances to an error .
Because of that error I couldn't proceed, so I have to explain and show him the data I created before I made the changes.
With that everything Just worked fine, I could explain and visualize everything. It didn't Matter and didn't changed anything, only the Name was a Name from me.
The client was very relaxed about this error. He said that it is a prototype , it is not serious.
Furthermore I showed and demonstrated him everything.
But my boss wasn't very surprised and Happy about me. He made me responsable for the error, I should have prepared everything better and this all was Shit.
This made me really,really sad. It sounded so hard.
I know that I've made a mistake, but it's human. I'm only 19. I'm not perfect. Sure, I could have prevented it, if I had tested all possibilites right after I had made the changes again. I prepared the whole presentation on the weekend, on my personal freetime. I spent so often so much time in my freetime just for my job, for my apprenticeship. To get what? A fat bite, a kick in the ass. I'm doing so much, but this is not acknowledged. But when I make something wrong - then I'm the shittiest person.
Damn. Don't know how to handle this situation. This has gone to far today.
Yeah, I could have tested More, but I only tested the existing Data. I prepared the presentation very Well. This is so sad.11 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REWRITE A FUCKING PIECE OF CODE AND DON'T MAINTAIN ITS FUNCTIONALITY?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD????
JUST SPENT 1 FUCKING HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE FUCK THE DATA WASN'T BEING PASSED TO REDUX STORE!
YEAH, UNIT TESTING SURE IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT THAT HAS MASHED POTATOES FOR A BRAIN!
GO ROT IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
NOW IF I DON'T FIX THIS SHIT MY ASS IS ON THE LINE BECAUSE I MADE THE FUCKING FUNCTIONALITY THAT YOU BROKE?? NO FUCKING WAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY BOSS, I'M GONNA GIT BLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF ANYONE PISSES ME OFF!1 -
Motherfucking WordPress coupled with motherfucking sales people.
If you promise the client something, please fucking relay it via the correct process (i.e the fucking ticketing system that took me a month to write for the company - it's seriously just a click away on your desktop.). "I told your boss" is not a fucking apt excuse.
My boss forgets, and well, doesn't give a fuck about procedure either.
Now you phone my boss and he phones me, on a fucking Sunday evening, telling me that the client was promised a website by tomorrow morning at 10AM. You tell me this at fucking 9PM.
Why didn't you tell me earlier? How the fuck am I supposed to shit out something I would be proud of in a few hours? Nevermind me fucking up my sleeping routine; how the fuck?
Conversation went like this:
"xyz was promised this site by sales person fuckTwit, I need this live by Monday morning. I have sent you a few images. Make it in WordPress, client says they want a 'tangy looking theme'.
Me: it's a bit unrealistic requesting this, is there no way we can extend the time so I have time to create this?
Also, what do you mean by 'tangy'?
Boss: don't know. Make it happen. No excuses.
What the fuck is a tangy theme? When I become a webDev at the company? More importantly, fucking WordPress?!
Now I'm sitting on this shit, tired as a manatee in mating season, and using goddamn WordPress.
I have to halt my irritation, because I get severely irritated when I'm tired, I have to restrain myself from telling the involved parties tomorrow to install the FuckYourself WordPress plugin, coupled with a resignation letter.
Same sales person got me in shit a while ago, because I refused to give him access to the network to download fucking cartoons. Sales director went and moaned that his bitch (the sales person) needs this for a presentation. Yeah fucking right.
Go Snorkelling in a sewer truck you egotistic, megalomaniacal, indecent, outrageous, horrible motherfucker of a person.
Time to develop a fucking website with, oh, a company profile pamphlet.
Times like this I keep telling myself, "my time will come, my time will come".14 -
after doing all the paperwork and packing his shit, he shaked hands with his now ex-boss, and with a smile, and after their hands are no longer touching, he told him with a really calm voice to go fuck himself.1
-
Well, basically
• Coworkers that know their shit
• A boss that once coded/still codes
• A management that consists of people that coded/code
• A pay that's good enough for me to afford more than just a place to live, food and water.4 -
My boss codes, I'm lead Dev:
Boss: "just finished an MVP of the X project. It's 3 files and 1800 lines of code, plus triggers... "
Me: "Shieeet..."
Boss: "yup, your shit, you'll be refactoring it"
Me: *sigh*2 -
If a CPU were an employee...
CPU: Hey boss, I'm seeing you are giving me a lot of mathematical tasks that would really profit from splitting into parallel calculations. GPU's are great for that, we should get one.
Boss: But you can still do them, right? If you can do it, I'm pretty sure you can do it at GPU speeds. We gotta save up so I can buy another car!
----------------------
Boss: Why is this taking so long?
CPU: I'm overloaded with work, so I'm overheating. Maybe you could buy a GPU to help me out, or at least a fan...
Boss: You're overheating? Your personal problems should not affect your professional life. Learn to get your shit together or we will hire someone who will
CPU: *melts*1 -
On call: part 2... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ASK US TO STOP RESTORING *YOUR* SERVICES SO *YOUR* CUSTOMER HAS ACCESS TO *YOUR* STUFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SLEEP. If you call me because shits down, I'm going to fucking fix it. Idgaff if you're tired because it's been an 8 hour day, I've been working for 15 hours and I am contractually obligated to get this shit up asap and you needing your fucking beauty sleep is not a damn good reason to fuck up my contact...
(They got my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss on the line who told them that but nicer -its why she gets paid more- and they still insisted. But at least they owe US more money to cover some *legal contractual mumbled jargon* it makes it better, and it's documented so they can't turn it around on us)
Will someone please send coffee? I have 2 more days of this.7 -
At one of my previous companies, there was a guy, let's call him X.
X was the ideal employee.
X used to come to office at 8.
X used to go to sleep in AC office.
X used to wake up at 10 when everyone started coming in.
X used to play Uno and Pokemon Go till 6.
X was a master in Uno and Pokemon Go.
X used to wait till 8 to get free cab facility.
X didn't do one single productive piece of shit whole day.
My boss loved X Because he came early and left late.
My boss didn't give a damn if that person even switched on his laptop or not.
My boss didn't care about productivity.
I didn't come on time and didn't leave on time (I travelled in non-traffic hours)
I slogged my ass off because I really wanted to learn.
My boss scolded me, asked to be like X.
This was the last straw.
I resigned the next day.
I never wanted to be like X. Seeing him daily, motivated me so much.
When I worked, I focussed on it, I didn't keep checking the clock waiting for it to hit 5 pm.
I aimed for productivity, set realistic targets and always achieved them, no matter what.
My boss was an a--hole. I met X and Boss recently. Both are still in the same role, just scraping through.
Felt really good that I worked hard and have achieved something in life ^_^13 -
I'm starting to fucking hate the word 'done'.
Scenario 1:
Boss: How's the spec coming along?
Manager: Oh, it's done.
Manager to me: Hey can you get it done?
Me: Why would you call it done? There's a days worth of work and it's only half done. Boss wasn't even rushing it yet.
Manager: Too late I've already committed it. I'm sure it's simple anyway. Just do it.
Scenario 2:
Manager: Hey is it done?
Noob dev: Yea it's done.
*Commits half assed incomplete sphagetti shit that breaks stuff*
Manager: Well done. Completed so quickly.
FUCK THIS SHIT.2 -
Fuck me! I'm frustrated as fuck, because I'm too scared to quit my job.
The boss just fired her assistant and now wants me to do her job. I'm INCAPABLE of doing phone calls and set up meetings; furthermore THAT ISN'T MY FREAKING JOB! Holy shit, what do I have to do?
I'm scared to not being able to find a job in few days/weeks. Any suggestion? Should I swallow it and keep working here while searching?
I aged badly in 2 years because of this job.11 -
An application based on a single MySQL stored procedure that contained all the application business logic inside of it (plus a poor webapp that simply called it). The stored procedure had 97 (yes, NINETY SEVEN) parameters... and about half of them were boolean flag used for enabling/disabling another parameter. I think that Uncle Bob could follow you holding an AK-47 if he saw that. The saddest part is that the shit was written by a guy having a PhD in computer science, and he knew that was bad, but the boss asked him to do it in that way. The guy left the company before I joined it and I had to maintain that crap. Guys, the first time I saw it I thought that should be a joke. Code generated by decompilers was easier to read, maybe even Brainfuck. I tried complaining with the boss but she said that the system was wonderful and very efficient. This was one of the reasons I moved to another company after some months.3
-
Who the fuck told my coworkers I'm their boss when our boss is on vacation?
Wtf, I don't wanna be anyone's boss, no one should want me as such...
I would certainly micromanage the shit out of everyone and make their lives a living hell.5 -
Been reading devrant posts for a month or so, this is my first actual post. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic. ☺️ I need something to keep me from killing my boss when I see him again tomorrow..
Some backstory: Currently working in HR for the last 7 or so years with complete shit for brains boss, even worse when it comes to anything related to technology. For almost two years I've been working to get another bachelor's degree. This time in computer sciences, to make a career switch to systems and software engineer. Last week I roughly had the following wonderful conversation:
Boss: we've needed new Recruitment software for a while now. Can't you make us one as a school project?
Me: 'Make us one?' It's not really that simple.. I'm barely halfway through my education, maybe I could do it, but it would take me quite a long time even if I could work on it fulltime.. Combining a halftime job with a fulltime education is taking up enough of my time as it is and I have more than enough school projects btw..
Boss: it would be a win-win. Work a little harder in your spare time and when you graduate you have a real-life project on your resume.
Me: I'm sorry, i'm failing to see the 'win' for me here.. I work 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on average, trying to combine work and studies. I'm pretty much maxed out..
Boss: Your coworker(also extreme dumbass) told me you wrote some quick code the other day that helped him out. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can do this.
Me(in complete disbelief by now): I wrote him an Excel-macro! They don't even teach me that at school. It's a very very very long way from actual software development! I'm sorry, it just can't be done.
Boss: Thats too bad. I expected you to welcome an opportunity like this and be more motivated towards this company..
Me: ***more disbelief and silence, just staring at him***
I'm sorry you feel that way.
***walked away***
WTF, I work my ass off for 7 years for this fucking shithead.. Even before I started this bachelors degree I had at least some understanding of the work developers put in their software. It blows my mind, no, it fucking angers me how people think making software is so simple.. Why do you think it's a 3-year education you fucking cunt?
Please, someone tell me how I can keep myself from ramming his fucking head through a wall tomorrow...6 -
A fucking shit happened.
I finished coding the front-end design of the website and pushed it to the PM and Boss to review. After 5 days, they came back and said that they made mistake. They gave me the wrong sitemap and design. 23rd June is the deadline, I hope they extend the deadline.2 -
I've only experienced a quitting coworker once.
In a previous job a coworker quit with the words directed to the boss in a very loud and aggressive manner: "Ich künde, du verfiggti pissmorchle!!!"*, while throwing around office chairs and swearing all kinds of nasty stuff.
My boss at that time was indeed a fucking wanker. He exploited the shit out of every employee and expected from us that we work overtime for free. No pauses were paid, eventhough he'd had to by law.
I don't have to mention that he was a sexist fucktard and 3 female ex-employees sued him for sexual assault.
Sadly he is still in charge of that wanker company and he "miraculously" dodged every "bullet".
* trigger-safely and roughly translated to: "I quit, you fucking wanker!!!"7 -
Morning time.
Sitting on the toilet browsing DevRant.
Boss calls.
Phone vibrates abruptly and falls inside the seat.
And I almost shit on it.5 -
When I joined my team in august as a junior/trainee, we were 6 developers.
Now we are 4 left in the team.
By the end of june, we are 1.. I mean its me, myself and I.
Wtf did I do!? My code isnt that spaghetti. I think...
But its np, just me with a 20 years old database, 7 legacy systems and a new one planned.
Atleast my boss believes in me keeping this shit floating.11 -
OMFG GOD BOSS!! JUST TELL ME ALREADY EVERYTHING I HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW ABOUT THIS FUCKING FEATURE!
EVERY FUCKING TIME I FINISH IT YOU GIVE ME SOME DETAIL THAT I HAVE TO REWORK PIECES OF IT!!
DUMB PIECE OF SHIT!!!3 -
Boss insisted that verification link needs to be clicked from same IP address as account registration. Many arguments later, decision is final, we will ignore the numerous ways that this will be a burden to our users.
*Code code, test test, deploy*
We're getting a lot of traffic, we need this bitch to scale! *auto-scale and load balance all the things*
Account creation begins breaking at random, some people receiving the "Your IP address doesn't match" error. Look at login history table, what the shit... All recent logins coming from internal IP addressohfuckmylife need to look at X-Forwarded-For header for actual IP behind load balancer.
IP address matching feature stays. I am sad, drink away sadness.4 -
A dickhead boss that wrote a single fucking sql select (SELECT * FROM data WHERE 1) to display all the not normalized and redundant shit in an html 4.0 styled table. He proudly shown that shit to me saying "modify it to make a crud that will become a full management software in the 2.0". Furthermore he wants to scarpe data from websites that ecplicitly say that using that data it's not legal.4
-
Boss: Why it has a sad face on it? Nice ball. ** Tries to kidnap the stressball**
Shit NO Mothefucker touches ma ball !!1 -
Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!
I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.19 -
Rant
Told my boss I don't want to do the shit work. I need work that matches my job description.
He said ok. 🤷♂️3 -
Overheard my boss speaking at the pantry.
He tells the sales to promote to potential buyers that our product will only take 2 days to setup but actually the dev team has been alloted 2 weeks.
How the in fuck could we deliver 2 weeks worth of effort in 2 days!? WTF boss. Fuck you, and your double chin. I am tired of your shit.2 -
A friend offered me a new job in his company. Therefore I am going to quit my job. I like my current job, but the conditions are shit. Still I like my colleges and my clients. So I feel really bad for quiting.
The Job he offered me is pretty good, well paid and has many benefits for me. I like him and his company and are really excited to work with them. They are expecting big things of me and I'm scared to disappoint them.
Also I haven't told my boss about my plan to quit yet and because we become kind of friends in the time I work for her, it's an difficult talk for me.
😕3 -
Junior dude in my team: Started working with the expectation to get dirty and go deep into technology (he was in fact a mathematician). The first two months he was happy like a little puppy playing around. Then suddenly he started talking about getting more responsibilities and beeing more a manager than a dev (because development is too stressful). Then on his last day of the probation period he quit out of nowhere because he got a job offer from a place he really wanted to go. He bought one beer per person in my team, but haven't invited my boss to that event. We suddenly realize why: He talked real shit about him!
What a dick!4 -
Fuck I love my job, my boss and I are absolute food fanatics and talk about weird and wonderful things we cook...
He knows I bloody love curry so he brought some in for me to have for lunch and he's bringing me a shit load of fresh grown vegetables...
And to think I chose IT over being a chef.... (Still no regrets)6 -
My call team lost power. If our major clients try to call and can't, we're fucked. My boss isn't helping and I can't do shit about it without him, he just keeps saying they need to get power. The people they need for that aren't answering. How fucking difficult is it to stop jerking off long enough to help them out so we don't get fucked out of egregious amounts of money.12
-
Boss: "JS, Java, Objective-C all have Class, so they have the same convention"
yeah both you and shit have weight4 -
After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.
...
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."
He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.
Me: "what did I do wrong?"
Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."
Me: "can I expl..."
Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."
Me: "I have..."
Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"
Me: "ok"
Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"
Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."
Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)
Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."
Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."
Me: "But you have spoken"
Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"
That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.
Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"8 -
Hello "friend", whom I haven't seen or talked to in years. How have you been? Please don't mind me, my life is boring as shit and nothing happened to me since. Yes, I'd gladly make an app for your company because you agreed to do it but apparently you lack the skills. Oh, you've been fucking around for a month doing nothing? That's sad but sure, I can do it by Sunday, I don't have plans for the weekend anyway. You say you can't pay me more than what I earn in six hours doing my day job? And your boss should think you did it all by yourself? Well, let me consider this cool little opportunity. I'll be in touch, talk to you "soon"!1
-
Boss: We are going live tomorrow, are you ready?
Me: (Goosebumps and dry mouth) Sorry can you repeat that
Boss: Oh sorry not you, it's Sam whose app going live tomorrow
Me: (Inner me) Motherfucker. You dry dick piece of shit1 -
Yes! you made a difference.[image]
P.S.
started working at a startup as an intern(android app developer), Most of my work is like debugging the code, new feature implementations.
And the codebase is full of this kind of shit(even worse) plus literally zero documentation(not even for API's), not even a single line of comment in complete project(40K-50K), not any unit test/ UI test.
The funniest thing is when I ask for documentation he(boss | *) said: I am documentation.8 -
WTF BOSS?
STOP WRITING THESE FUCKING OBVIOUS SQL INJECTABLE CODE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!
BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!3 -
We were already working overtime all Saturday. Boss came in the evening to demand some ridiculous shit. Me and senior dev agree it's ridiculous. It's already 1 am Sunday. I already explained to him why it doesn't make sense so he suggest more changes that doesn't even solve his initial problem. He asks me if I can do it by Monday morning. I can't. He suggested way too many breaking changes that I don't even agree with and I have to sleep like a normal human being.
I shit you not, he says he will do it himself. This guy barely even codes and has never seen a single line of code for this project. I didn't stop him. I went home and slept.
End of rant.8 -
Looks like I'm destined to be fucked in the ass every time I'm on vacation...
This boss : https://devrant.com/rants/1330624/...
Told me he is gonna implement the new backend of a web app we have while I'm on vacation...
He was trying stuff with python for it and I tried to explain him the benefits of polymorphism and the ideas behind it and he was looking clueless, as always...
I'm screwed... Last time I went on vacation they started using react ( no complains ) and firebase ( fuck this shit ) ...
Now we are moving this web app away from firebase but I can see it is gonna be shit and a lot of rants will follow from his "back end" that this motherfucker here is gonna have to help implement after 2 weeks of fucked up code...5 -
So... Some fake accounts on Twitter claimed to be Elon Musk and to give shitloads of Bitcoin to those who sent a little amount first. They stole... Wait for it... 180 grand.
That's basically your everyday 419 scam. Existing since before the internet, done with the names of Gates, Buffet, Bush, Obama...
They say "the big bad evil criminals and the poor little innocent victims" I say natural selection. Sorry, in those lion vs gazelle scenarios I always thought that it was fair, no matter how it went.
Just when did humanity get so brainless? Have we always been, is the internet just a catalyst for stupidity?
Just why the fuck must I be an infosec sheepdog instead of a wolf? Man, I could live the life, drink beer and smoke herb while working... Get up at 12, don't give a shit, no boss, no taxes, no social security payments that I don't see jack shit from, and the pay would be better to.
Damn.13 -
Did I every tell you about that time I scared a boss (not mine, he was in the room) so much, that he was to scared to enter my office for the next couple of weeks? 😅
Good times 😊
Tl;dr: He was the reason I was working at max capacity and then he started complaining that shit wasn't working.
Full story:
I was out of office, building up a new site. I was the only IT working that day, others were out on vacation.
Suddenly I start getting flooded with calls from other sites, that nothing works. It is so bad, that my boss can't reach me on the company phone, so he calls me on my private phone.
Apparently all the servers are down.
So me into a taxi, heading for the main office.
When I get there I just start booting the servers on by one, because they didn't like that they had lost power. While I'm working, my boss is standing there, ready to help.
Another boss enters the office and goes: "I can't access Navision". To which I quickly reply something like: "Well everything is down, I'm the only one who can fix it and I'm working as fast as I can".
Two weeks later, another employee tells me, that the other boss has been running all his equipment off a battery backup, since the failure, because his power cord failed. He spilled a cup of coffee on it and therefore was the reason, that all the servers lost power (bad setup, I know). And apparently I was so frightening that he didn't have the courage to ask for a new power cord 😂
Best thing was that my boss never stopped me or told me that I did something wrong.2 -
You know the anxiety that is caused by having your boss breathing down your neck as you fix something?
.....
WELL I DON'T
SIT DOWN MOTHERFUCKER AND WATCH THIS SHIT
I fucking invite this micromanaging fuckery. Come on dude get closer and check this shit out. Countless hours perfecting my sweet skills, lemme show them to you and make yo dumbass feel inadequate AF
dude was literally looking as i saved the day over some fuckery that happened while i was taking care of alllll the other motherfucking support tickets.
Dude even said wow.
I said "i am in this bitch what's up?"
Guarantee mfkers won't fuck with you if you show them how much of a fucking boss you are.
*doesn't drop mic
*smashes guitar instead8 -
Well, shit... I may have just shot myself in the foot. 🤔
5 years worth of asking my boss to get a Mac development machine for me, thereby allowing me to better create and maintain the hybrid mobile apps I've been building for him for years...
I finally got a definitive "yes, we'll do that" about 2 or 3 weeks back.
Now, running into stupid startup crashes on the aging iPad (6th gen) that I have for testing, I asked if I can just get a "Mac in cloud" subscription IN THE MEANTIME, you know, to help me meet deadlines...
His response: "Ah, yes.. that's a nice elegant solution, now you don't need a Mac! Well done."
F.. M.. L..8 -
9 months ago my boss promised I would not be working on RPA anymore.
Monday, at 12:00, my boss assigned to me the maintenance of 13 robots.
Monday, at 15:00, I was talking to a recruiter and discussing my next job.
I
HAD
ENOUGH
OF
THIS
SHIT.6 -
When wifi is shit at work for 2 days and your boss casually mentions he's been downloading 100GB of video content via FTP 😠😠😠2
-
Motherfucker, every fucking meeting on this project we have a fucking 3 week deadline to accomplish the fucking impossible.
And now they practically want me to rewrite the whole fucking application.
And my fucking boss can't fucking shut the fuck up and keep having "ideas" on new thing.
YEU FUKCING STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!!! HOW CAN WE ADD SHIT WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF ASSED BECAUSE WE DONT STOP ADDING SHIT? FUCK YOU!7 -
So, apparently we had this important meeting with a client offsite this morning, I was "told" yesterday but nobody thought of creating a calendar event or sharing emails about it. I forgot, I don't even know the address or the hour.
My boss and this sneaky front ender came by at 11am joking about me not remembering.
Me: wow, I forgot. If it isn't on the calendar I don't even know it exists.
Turned to my screen and got back to work.
Fuck this shit.1 -
sooo shit started hitting the fan
after another useless discussion where PM tried to hardcore micromanage me and then bullshit his way out, i fucking tilted and started swearing.
after this discussion, he invited to a meeting next week to talk about "miscommunication".
no need bruh, i'll tell my boss on Monday i want to switch to another team.8 -
I suddenly realized all the technical debt shit I told my boss would happen years ago given the way things were done/heading then... Just occurred pretty much all at once last week in the form of critical production issues...
The teams like:
-we need real time server process monitoring
-structured logging for apps
-containerization so one app didn't affect others
Me thinking: yes.... I told you so like 3/4 years ago when I first joined the team and kept repeating so much I got tired of saying at every annual review...
This is exactly what happens when you let technical debt grow and have no free time for developers to look into and fix then while they were small and not critical production processes... Or properly document and peer review them... (Got a shit pile of projects that no one knows how to use or even exists because the devs left the team) and they'll have a lot more when I finally leave... Hopefully this year.... If I can find another role and not need another medical procedure... (Doubtful)3 -
My boss codes shitty ugly fucking abominations.
These fucking piles of hacky crap are worth less than a penny puked out by a dog, eaten by another one and then shit out, grabbed by a vagrant, stuffed in his arse and then sold as raw metal by the cremation worker after the former's death.
Fuck this. I'm not gonna rewrite this. Fuck you.4 -
TL;DR age != competence
My boss is a fucking computer illiterate self taught programmer.
Don't get me wrong, he can do shit, pretty shitty but it gets done...
But the dude has 38 fucking years old and somehow still searches for keys on the fucking keyboard and struggles to touch type anything...
I sometimes crying the fuck out when I have to help him with something...
I'm having a mini fucking panic attack right now just thinking of it... Fuck
He is our "manager" but doesn't even have the fucking balls to confront his own subordinates when they need to be confronted... Everyone is aware of this and everyone is fucking around... And no one sees any consequences... I wonder why deadlines are always missed...
He is so passive that every fucking thing someone asks he goes and says it is OK...
I was studying same psychology about ignorance and I think he lacks the understanding that shit is hard to do...
We literary had a conversation the other day something like that:
Boss: so, what do you think? One call to the api for it to return all data or multiple calls to return smaller ones?
Me: well... It takes ~180ms just for latency to the server for one call, if you have 10 calls it will take 180*10ms, it is better if we have one call and cache it if necessary on the backend.
( he has no fucking clue wtf caching is, besides browser cache)
Boss: (looking confuse AS FUCK!!) Well, I don't get it... Maybe I'll test it later.
Me thinking: test how you dumb motherfucker? On you fucking workstation with no fucking latency?
There is no fucking test. I'm stating it. IT IS A FUCKING FACT!
Me: well, it takes that for the call to go to the api and come back , its simple math. 1 == 180, 10 == 1800.
Suit yourself.7 -
-Boss instructs me to always set high estimates
-Asks in how many days will i finish X
-I think 3, but adding 1 extra day for each random problem i tell him one week
-He says thats way too long, make it 3 days
-Shit happens and i can barely finish it in one week
-My boss:1 -
My biggest mistake in my life.
Boss: So when are you gonna finish this?
Me: I'll finish it today,
Me: Finishes task and submits pull request
- The Next Day-
Team Lead: Oh bro you gotta put this on a separate file, this change this too, and that, don't use that shit use this instead, oh and yeah, you can probally use this 'totally awesome typescript decorator' here for that.
Me: Refactors code intensely
Boss: You said this going to be finished yesterday
Me: FML11 -
Yeah boss, lets study Scrum extensively so you can:
- Create variable length sprints
- User stories that are meaningless like 'fixes'
- Tasks that should be User Stories
- Duplicated tasks/stories that are on the fucking backlog already
- Cross sprints on projects
- No meetings at fucking all to determine who will do what
- Assign people on vacation to current sprints
The list goes on...
An when I point things like that out lets just look at the guy who spent 6 months studying this shit, taught you ( at least tried... ) as if he is saying nonsense while our projects get delayed and our code spaghettifies because we are always in a hurry for lack of time to plan anything :)2 -
Boss: Any idea why ColleagueX's code might be blowing out the memory?
Me (internal): Cos he's a fucking retard who can't code for shit, doesn't listen when I tell him to do stuff properly because he's fucking lazy, has no idea what stack and heap are, uses goto everywhere, doesn't know how to debug, doesn't write any unit tests, and generally WASTES MY FUCKING TIME!
Me (external): Probably a memory leak. I'll take a look.2 -
Welp, fuck that shit.
The boss just called me to tell me d good news that they won't need me anymore...
I made them 1 project for about a year ( + fixing/updating few other projects )
... and that apparently is all they need for now and r gonna back to IT crowd ( read this as 2 ppl IT department )
was fun =]2 -
I think my days as a dev are over
shit fuck!!!!
All i know is writing code, schematics, systems recommendations
Was given a tender doc for a project
the doc was in 2 parts "Technical" & "Financial"
I HAVE NEVER DONE A TENDER BEFORE and little did i know a shit load of documents are required
MY BOSS GOT FURIUS SINCE I DIDNT COMPILE ALL DOCS and 1 required doc was expired tried to get it renewed and renewal will take 3 week or 1 month and deadline was in 2 hours time
FUCK!!!!
F U C K M E ! ! ! ! !15 -
Boss : going to up you as a project manager!
Coworker1 : well done bro
Boss : with all you knowledges, you'll be able to make great diagnotics, evaluate time for each task and lead the team
Coworker2 : you're wrong..
Me : hell no, doing stats and evaluate your shit ? Overcomunicating ?
Boss : you don't accept ?
Me : of course no! Opening my ide twice a week ? I need more fun .1 -
!dev
my boss is apparently upset that i don't turn his way when he enters the room, something about hierarchy and respecting authority. while that's a petty bs thing to be upset about, I'm not very good with social cues and conflicts with authority figures trigger me due to past events.
I can't help wonder if this demand for a show of respect is gender biased. it hasn't escaped me that all the people he has an issue with are women and he has a history of chasing his female workers away.
idk, i just don't want to do this shit again. it would really help to have a female perspective on this.18 -
11:00 AM
Boss: *autistic screaming* Make this module not shit.
Whole team: Alright we'll have a meeting to discuss changes at 6:00PM
5:00 PM
Me: I'mma fiddle just a bit with this module.... *fiddles a lot* *makes it not shit*.... cool, I'll just notify my team I fixed it.
LiterallyAtTheSameTime:00 PM
OtherDudeFromTeam *in my dm-s*: AY YO DUDE I FIXED THE PROBLEM LOL 😂😂😂
Me: iGiveUp.exe5 -
Dear Boss
Would you.
Fucking.
PLEASE.
Stop.
Moving.
The Standup.
Time.
You've fucked around with the meeting time eight times since the end of Jan. Figure your schedule out, pick a time for our daily shit, and stick to it dude. PLEASE.
I'm a family man and you're making my mornings absolute hell to plan for.
Signed,
me.5 -
Thanks to Microsoft and Windows for making my work day one hour shorter. FUCK OFF WITH THIS FORCED UPDATE/RESTART SHIT!!!! Who the fuck in Microsoft thought that this was a smart idea? Fucking assholes. And yes, I did tell it to only update outside office hours. Doesn't work apparently.
Luckily it's easy to explain to my boss why I had one hour of not being productive.12 -
update of after i got fired: after the fuck developers company llc was left with no developers, there was a girl there that i didn't mention earlier because as i said: the story is more complex. she came there with good intentions but after she knew the cruel nature of fuck and shit she became notoriously mad, we're still in contact with her so it's nice to hear from her some of the gags that happen there, one of which my really intelligent ex-boss the wordpress DEVELOPER himself told her to finish one of the projects i was working on, and a friend of mine who is infamous of his coding shenanigans left it in my hands before he left as well a couple of months prior (well he was fed up before us, and when i told him to stay with us he said "dude just listen to the motherfucker's voice, i can't do this anymore", my lovely ex-boss has this equally lovely screechy high pitched voice that caused me tinnitus), it's an asp.net project, uses web forms, and a lot of apis, the database is sql server, standard shit but there's no original creation script and i fucked up the only existing database which was in a local computer he used to like calling a SERVER, now to the point: this girl is not a developer, she was however working as a reporter?? kind of like jaspersoft the human or sap crystal woman and she claims that she's pretty good at it, and she's a genuinely good person who was dragged to hell just because she wanted to be close to her daddy (she was working in a different city with more than double the salary she's given now), but she's rich and her dada convinced her to come. she's currently learning java ee on her own so she'd probably leave in the next two months, in her resume she wrote that she know php, well i know php you know php we all know php (the syntax) kind of like mr. shit who passed the sololearn php CERTIFICATE and couldn't stop telling his boss and his boss a.k.a my ex-boss goes "sweet!". going back to the punchline of this rant: she told us that he came to her and asked her to finish the project with php.12
-
Fuck. I can't take this shit anymore.
There was a project where we had to implement third-party system for government agency processes management. For some reason, probably because my work is cheap for my boss, the task was assigned to me. Just as a reminder, I'm a .NET Dev. Zero experience in server management. Zero experience in external services implementation.
Anyway, system producent, also an government agency, got angry, becasue they can only earn money on implementation. They have to give the software to other agencies for free. Because of that I've got client program, incomplete documentation and broken scripts for database creation. It took me 2 months to get it all to work but at the end client was happy, my boss got paid and I've got 500 PLN (~130 USD) bonus.
Everything was fine for a while, but after a month server has started freezing everyday, some time before 7 am. The only way I found to make it work again was to restore snapshot made everyday at 10 pm. For a month I was waking up earlier and restored snapshot, and after that my boss took it upon himself. I tried few times to find a bug and fix it, but to no effect. Even person with much more experience with it tried to help but also couldn't find anything.
My solution? Copy all the data and configuration, create new machine, copy everything and check if the problem persists. If not, kill old server. Client won't even notice. But nooooooooo... It would cost my boss a bit of money and I'd need to work on it and he can't let it be, because I'm the only developer working on his flagship product. He'd rather wake up everyday and restore snapshot. Okay, as you wish.
And today, finally, everything went downhill. Snapshot wasn't created, server froze, backup can't be created. Nothing can be done. Client is furious, because they have had reported this problem and a few times restoration was too late and they couldn't work. No one knows how to fix it, I'm not working today (I'm still studying and am available only 2 days) and situation is really shitty.
BUT SURE. ITS BETTER TO RESTORE SERVER EVERYDAY THAN JUST FUCKING FIX IT.
Oh, also, there's no staging or any other real backup. We have snapshots for each day and that's that. Boss' order. Why do I even care...7 -
Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.
My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.
welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐5 -
My dev colleagues, the ceo, a external designer and me (dev) are sitting in the meeting room
and we discuss the result from the designer. He designed a complete relaunch of a
small CRM for the logistics sector.
The designer is a designer as you know him, big beart, small macbook, chai late
and he designed nothing, he hired a freelancer from romania.
My boss studied software development in the 80s but didn't really developed a software
for about 20 years, but he thinks he knows all and everything.
My boss is constantly complaining about the colors in the design and he would like
a iOS approach. Our system should complete copy the styles from iOS.
The really funny thing happend in just 1 minute. My boss is complaining again about the
colors and told the blue color is way to dark and the designer meant thats not possible the
blue color very bright. My boss sat next to the designer and looked not on the wall where
the picture was thrown from a projector, instead he looks from the side in the macbook screen
of the macbook which was in front of the designer. Then the designer says "Oh my god, the color
changes if I look from the side or from the top of the macbook." The Designer was blown away. My
boss couldn't believe it and did the same movements with his head and said. "Wow, you are right
the color changes".
We all other people couldn't believe that they are so dumb and thought this must be a joke. But
that wasn't a joke. After the meetin my boss told everyone in our company his results regarding the screen.
I wrote every story in a document, and I'm planning to create a book with dumb shit like this.2 -
My boss keeps trying new tech with important new projects instead of trying the fucking new things with anything other than important shit.
I support this let's try better options approach but cmon, be rational about it.2 -
I managed to get a new dell XPS 15 with uhd display, 16GB RAM and a nice i7 for work.
My boss previously asked for advice from me for which laptop to get, he ignored my advice which was for him to get a nice surface book pro for his excel activities
Instead he got a shitty Mac book air (who are these people who like the airs?). As his cto I was upset he didn’t trust his tech guy to choose him a powerful laptop that was useful.
Anyway, he saw my new laptop this week and a contractor was admiring it. My boss then said why didn’t you tell me to get this one? (The surface pro is the same spec but with tablet and pen ability).
What a dick. I’m still mad he didn’t listen to me. And now he is saying I never told him.
Macs are shit btw. This dell is great and I don’t know how we lived without uhd screens before.14 -
at a previous job at a shit company ran by bible-thumpers, i was rebuilding the company website for my a-hole boss. I asked him where I should get images from- if there was a stock photo site he preferred or what.
"Just pull them off Google. That's what I do."
Later when I was combing through the site, I saw he'd added images that CLEARLY STATE another COMPANY'S NAME in the image themselves. Nothing like promoting another company on your OWN company website, huh?
(And no, their company name is not ActiveMobi.)
They're still there, 3+ years later. Dumb ass.2 -
know what pisses me the fuck off? when the manager of another department jumps over me and goes straight to the head of my department for a request that they want from MY department.
Currently, there are 2 stupid bitches that insist on doing this fuckery. One of them keeps getting owned by our DBA since for whatever reason she sends her requests to me, just for the DBA to remind her that I ain't giving her access to shit and bla bla
The other is the head of the human resources department. It goes like this: sends wrong data, task gets delayed cuz we have to sort her shit, gets impatient, bitches at head of department and his boss about us taking long(bitch 3 hours ain't long and your shit ain't critical) just for me to reply back with images and LOOK FUCKTARD YOU MESS THIS UP red arrows showing how what she did was wrong and I had to fix it for her.
Sends a reply back only to me saying thanks, ah no pendeja, I will forward aaaaaaall of that shit to everyone else, tried throwing me under the bus? well now ima do it to you.
And fuck those 3 applications you requested, have fun adding shit manually through spreadsheets and then go eat shit and die.5 -
I seear man fucking shit php devs make it hard for people to appreciate the language.
To start, i don't think there is anything wrong with php. As a language I know damn near all of its pitfalls and have successfully deployed huge applications with minimal fuss.
The thing is...this shit seems to happen only when I AM THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT DOES IT
In any other scenario i am constantly cursing the original author under my fucking breath hoping that they choke on their own dicks. Fucking cunts.
Really man, some of the fucking code i have seen. This shit is dangerous as fuck and i can't believe that in 2019 motherfuckers would not have the decency to google for best fucking practices or learn it from a fucking book and shit.
Writing proper php code is not that fucking hard people, every fucking update to the language, every fucking tool that comes out is for the betterment of it.
Guess proper oop or functional paradigms are too complex for some dickheads. Hell, not even top to bottom procedural code.
Fuck me. Good thing is, boss is happy, the entire faculty is happy, the board is happy. Everyone is motherfucking happy.
Dez negroids better remember this shit cuz I just asked for a $20k raise.
I got a raise literally every time i ask for one so this one better make the cut.
Fuck shit php developers man. Y'all don't deserve the language, y'all make the language look bad, y'all make the community look bad.
Fuck you, die and eat a dick. Do all that shit in whatever order you prefer.15 -
Boss: -We're firing one of our freelancers and you are taking over one of his projects.
Me: -OK, what is it?
Boss: Old POS project written in Java.
Me: -But I'm C# developer. I haven't touched Java in years!
Boss: -You'll manage...
FML I've managed to finish and fully refactor this piece of shit project.11 -
Boss: [tells me to do a thing]
Me: [does a thing]
Boss: [mad because I didn't do the thing his way]
Me: [physically numb from putting up with this shit for 3y now]
I've been checked out at work for awhile now, but today was some next level BS. I had to throw together an application demo in 3hr, couldn't take lunch today because I needed to sign for a package, sold an 3y old laptop on Ebay (and got chewed out because he thinks it's worth more than that).
The only reason I still show up to this shit-show of an office, is I don't want to leave my only other coworker with our boss.. That, and my interview isn't until monday....2 -
I was just waiting for it to happen. The gaslighting charade finally crumbles.
Tldr: was strongly asked to work overtime again for no reason, refused it (weakly, but it is a start).
(Boss isn't actually my boss, just my unofficial lead at the moment.)
1.4 hours after regular work hours:
Me: boss, this issue is still not resolved but I am out of ideas for it. Already shared my last resort idea twice with you but you don't agree to it. If you are available I can meet you for a short call before logging off for the weekend.
.
10 minutes later, just as I am about to log off.
.
Boss: let's meet. The problem implies something wrong with your code. Let's check.
Me: [ugh] okay
.
Boss then rambles on about a juvenile nsfw joke to describe the situation and I force a laugh, we get to the topic. I manage to explain the situation despite the interruptions from him. Then he shares his genius idea. We agree it might work but the implementation will be slightly tricky. It is now 2 hours outside of work hours.
.
Boss: can you try it out and let me know if it works?
Me: sure, I'll try it out on Monday and keep you posted.
Boss: Monday?!! Look, it is getting on my nerves now, this has been going on for too long (false, since the issue is from a day before not a week before and I had asked for help multiple times before today).
I don't even know what big boss is going to be like. This needs to be done.
Me:. ...
[ You manipulative asshole, I'm not doing overtime for you, I owe you nothing and don't give a shit about your senile nerves. Fuck you and your shit codebase and clusterfuck development environment which makes the hairballs in a public toilet look well engineered.]
Look, it is difficult for me too...
Boss: If not now, I can accept weekend. Because I don't know how big boss will take it. You understand right what I'm saying. This needs to be done.
Me: [Fuck off scum chod! Take your acceptance, fuck it hard, and take it away with you! ]
Hmm. Let's see what can be done.
Thanks for your help.
Logged off.
I can't express the tone of his righteous rage in words.
I have never had to face such revolting attitude before from people at work. I just don't get how people can be so ridiculous. The whole team is filled with chodebags of different sizes.rant fucking chodebag little wins how do these people get chosen to lead? perhaps more to come later35 -
my boss gives me a 15 page list of changes to a web app yesterday. this afternoon he tells me forget all the silly things I'm doing, which just happen to be core functionality, and work towards getting it live.
wtf do you think I am doing... -.- -
In the middle of a big project, many demands from the biggest client of yhe company, he left the country and called the boss after 2 days tellinf him he's not coming.
boss is angry,
client is angry,
I am happy.. because client is a piece of shit liar asshole -
My 10 years experienced Boss is learning about Git NOW !!
And he pretend to know everything already and put his ass on every task.6 -
Boss: We need to disable CSRF and any other form of security, because that shitty, insignificant client has a website that is abomination anyone's eyes, can't pay because of the iframe thingy.
Me: I'd advice against it. This is a significant security issue that just screams to be exploited and there has to be a solution, but idk much about this situation.
Boss: Idk we need to kiss every clients ass till they come. Remove all the security
Me: *Just wants to get home, last one in the office besides the boss* fine
*removes it, deploys and gets the fuck home*
...2 weeks later
Payment gateway: Yeah, we blocked your account, because someone was trying to purchase 30k product in a span of 1h
I'm not even mad about that, but rather about the fact I fucking called it.
* Achievement unlocked: Targeted by scammers
P.s. no major damages, cause the guys from the payment gate understand shit about security.3 -
I've been working with some new programmers now, trying to make this a place where people actually like working at. In my experience, most workplaces are bottom of the barrel shit, so I really wanted to try and make this the opposite, at least for the engineering team. When I hear them say how much they like working here, and how jealous their friends or family are at how much they are enjoying themselves and chilling with their coworkers and even their boss, it makes me feel so nice.
It might be a tiny company, but spreading happiness is great.1 -
Small company.
3 months in.
My boss leaves for vacation.
I take his place.
Holy shit, this is intense.
One week down, two to go.1 -
Got my first laptop while I was overseas.
It was a windows hp laptop with Vista.
It was an absolute piece of shit.
Decided to find the people responsible of it.
Got to what a software engineer was.
Boss told me to look in the library to see if i find some books on the subject. Got a Java and C++ book.
Shit was hard af cuz I had no clue what I was doing, but I liked it. Decided to look more into an application wise platform of study rather than doing basic CLI shit. Got into web development with Java. Got a hold of more JS. Liked JS more cuz shit was easy, found about server side JS with classic ASP, did VBScript as well.
Eventually found Python, fell in love but hated the whitespace ussage for block level code etc. Found Ruby, to this day the most beautiful language according to me. Read about why's poignant intro to Ruby.
Dug it, but wanted some other things. Found out about the study of data structures ans algorithms, then harvard's free cs50 course, then mit courseware, rice's python class. Took all of them. CS50 introduced php, liked it, sounded like a drug, was easy to use, for whatever fucking reaskn my ass decided to use version 4 even though 5 was already out. Learned to appreciate advancements in programming language even more
Hipster phase, while studying php got more into JS and web design with more css concepts, wanted my shit to be pretty. Somehow landed with Common Lisp. Mind fucking blown.
Continued with php. Got into uni, math made sense through programming, ok so I am stupid, but not that stupid, python is the best calculator ever.
bring it bitches.
Graduated.
Still don't know what I am doing.1 -
Don't you just hate when your boss goes like:
"Why isn't this feature working?"
SHIT FUCK, IF I KNEW THE REASON, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE FIXED THAT SHIT, INNIT?
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING QUESTION IS THAT?
"Well you should have tested better"
IT TOOK A MONTH FOR 1 USER TO SEE THAT BUG, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? YOU EXPECT ME TO SEE THAT BUG IN THE FEW HOURS OF TESTING I CAN ACTUALLY DO FOR THIS PROJECT?
"There also are other 15 project to get done"
FUCK THIS SHIT -
Sometimes I really hate reading comment section and rants from
"my coworker/senior-dev/manager/boss/professor doesn't know X. I'm so much better and so underpaid"
It's like something is new to you or you didn't know something your mostly a dumbfuck which doesn't deserve his position or shouldn't be there ignoring all the other shit which brought you there. Ignoring a person's background or function. Sometimes this stuff is funny because you think he/she should know X but to call someone dumb/stupid/moron or so just because of this, I'll never get it people must have hughe inferiority complexes or so2 -
After 1 week working on a screen (design, logic, testing) my boss comes to me saying that what I've been work won't be necessary any longer and I should discard it.
1 month later asks for that same stuff and I tell him (jus like he said I should do) that I discarded the code.
Starts calling me names and how useless I am (this was normal).
So I pick up my stuff and just get out while saying: "please, if you are so damn good, you can do that shit yourself, I quit!"
Was there for 1 miserable year and that was my best choice I made till today.
Right now the company closed cause all the devs ended up leaving him6 -
The team of interns I'm working with are all off this week. I was given 2 skilled colleagues to cover for them. We had our first scrum today:
Boss: so what are you working on?
Me: I'm adding new feature 1 + 2.
Boss: and you?
Colleague: I am ... removing the shit -
I am very frustrated today and I do not know where to "scream" so I will post this here since I believe you will know how I feel.
Here's the case...
I am developing an e-commerce web application where we sell industrial parts. So my boss told me on March that when we are going to show these parts, we should not show Part Number to visitors because they will steal our information.
Ok, this makes sense but there was a problem.
The Primary Key for these products in our internal system is a string which is the Part Number itself.
I told him on March that we have to come up with another unique number for all the products that we are selling, so this unique number will be the primary key, not the Part Number. This will be best because I will be dependent from the original Part Number itself. And in every meeting he said "That is not priority". So I kept developing the part using the original Part Number as primary key and hid is from the web app. (But the Part Number still shows on URL or on search because this is how my boss designed the app.)
I built the app and is on a test server. Until one of out employees asked my boss: "There is no unique number or Part Number. How are the clients going to reference these parts? If a client buys 20 products and one of those has a problem, how is he going to tell us which products has a problem?"
My boss did not know what to say, and later said to me that I was right and primary key was priority.
I really hate when a guy that knows shit from developing does not listen to suggestions given by developers.
FUCK MY LIFE!
I'm sorry if you did not understand anything.5 -
Most awkward work event story?
I haven't had many of those tbh. because I've been WFH last 3 years.
One that I remember was my birthday celebration at a company I worked at in 2019. The boss was hostile towards everybody and paid dog shit salaries. So the work environment wasn't the most uplifting and positive.
So anyway, The boss got a cake and rounded everybody up around me chanting Happy Birthday song to me.
Already awkward, but what made it more awkward was the fact that nobody else was clapping/singing other than the boss.
I looked at everybody and saw the depressed smiles on their faces. I'm glad it only lasted 5 mins.3 -
Im on vacation and my boss is terrorising my phone number. Having answered after the 5 th call he claims I’m not on vacation until i sent out a handover to all my colleagues. Fuck this shit I’m so done with them17
-
My piece of shit boss saying "I missed you" after I was off for some time.
POS because he threatened to fire me and I didn't have a strong hand so I went along with that mobbing...5 -
Murphy's law is completely true.
Deployed my own software the very first time on a customer system on monday.
Today I'm at a job college class when my boss calls me: "...Hey yeah (unrelated) (yadda yadda) the software does not function for anyone").
I fucking knew it.
We don't have a proper project planning nor a real project manager/lead, we don't do QA, and now it's gone to shit.
I did my own testing extensively on monday & Tuesday, everything looked alright and worked like a charm.
I'm looking forward to the weekend already...1 -
I am a fucking first year student and am doing an internship at a SHIT start-up. I've devoted my FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME into their SHIT iOS app, and the fucking boss is keeping procrastinating to get me that fucking pay cheque. For God's fucking sake that they pay me using the Canadian government's money (CSJP), FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCK YOU5 -
TL;DR;
Idiot hard coded database host on the app... Pushed to prod and suddenly shit wasn't working... Took me 10 minutes to figure out what was going on...
Wrote a passive aggressive git message and commited.
Before updating prod my boss turns around to me and the following took place:
Boss: is there any problem with the server?
Me: yes, someone (i know who was ) hard coded the test db IP and it broke the backend.
Boss: oh, but will it affect the mobile app?
Me: well, it won't work but I'm already pushing the fix.
Boss: no..err.. I mean... Will I have to make any change to the mobile app?
Me inside: wtf dude... For real?! Get your shit together...
Me: no. It good, I already fixed it.
Boss: OK. Thanks
TL;DR;
Moron hard coded dB's host and stupid boss can't get shit together nor ask who did it to take precautions...12 -
This is a story about the shitty client who managed to ruin everyone's day, consistently....
So this client, its our biggest revenue source (about 33% of total) and our boss is total wuss when talking to them because of that... Each meeting he has with them he ends up bending over nd just takes it all...
So after each meeting with those shit heads, it's always the same...
It's our fault for going over budget (them changing their mind like 10 times during a project over key issues has of course nothing to do with it, because hey, we're a flexible company and all we do is modular and extendable right?)
Its our fault for not meeting the deadline, because of course our boss keeps accepting last minute projects like there we're otherwise sitting on our thumbs
And than their fucking contact person... Biggest ass ever, always involving us in his own office politics... I'd throw him through the window3 -
so I left uni after my PhD and joined a start up where the boss is a Cambridge grad who does coding and is like 50 years old (he never told us the true value), the CTO is very talented and another dev who quickly became my best friend and me doing data science. the 4 of us worked together like friends and the efficiency was fantastic, there's no bureaucracy bullshit or shit boss talks. We built the whole thing from scratch (okay I admit they did most of the building) and to this day, we work just has we have been.
-
"We're promoting you to be a Team Leader, since you proved your skills to handle tough tasks and bring good solutions, and we're raising your salary by 25%."
That sounded good for me, until I realized that all they need is an interface between them (the boss) and other employees to force their style and monitor every fucking thing that could be different from a dev to another. But since the boss is a sEnIoR with mOrE tHaN 10 years of experience but he does not have any clue about good practices and how to make a code that does not push you to be humiliated by the client, he still thinks that he's the fucking programming God.
That's a shit9 -
I get it, Unreal Engine's Blueprints are for quick mock ups, but man, that shit is really complicated, more than coding the same thing on C++.
God, I'm frustrated with that, then the "boss" decided to do an "online survival medieval rpg" game, seriously?
Don't you think that it will fail? LIKE THE THOUSANDS BEFORE?
At least I'm getting experience ¯\_(ツ)_/¯1 -
I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.
Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"
Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"
Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)1 -
Was an aspiring 2nd grade student then, still a newbie in databases and stuff.
Managed to work with bossy motherfucker who didn't give a flying fuck about proper management, team culture, job roles and everything and treated people like shit.
The big boss wanted me to develop the ecommerce website that integrates with 1c (complete and utterly garbage buggy ass dbms with RUSSIAN SYNTAX, nuff said) and with its own crm to track every employee and even real time chat. He also wanted it to be a kind of online medical wikipedia. And he wanted me to take a professional photo of each and every fucking item for this website, somewhere around 5 thousand photos.
He offered me around 800 bucks for all that job. No, not monthly. He wanted me to do all that shit alone, for 800 bucks and expected it to be up and running in less than two months.
Gently told him to fuck off. Quit that job the same day.2 -
I got job offer from company that makes AI product that works like electric fence for people, tracks their work and report to managers so they know when to meet and talk with this person.
Some Fucking Behavioral Shit. Well I’m tracking this company to see who they got acquired by and at the same time get the fuck out from this smart phone operating system.
Mother fuckers want to know all about everything and everyone.
At this point I saw my face in front of robot being my boss and started to questioning my life. Maybe that’s it.
Maybe it’s just last days, last year, last hour, last minute, last second…5 -
So, first a bit of background:
We've got a parent class, owned by another team, and two child classes, owned by my team. One of the children is unused. (Already sounds bullshit right.)
On to the story:
6 months ago, I had to modify one of the children (add new functionality).
I try to modify the base class to add it, the senior dev in charge says "no, just add it on the child". So I do, then merge it in.
Yesterday I wake up to a high priority bug. Turns out the senior guy wants to add another child class, and wants the functionality I put in my class on the base class.
Even commented on my PR from 6 months ago asking why I didn't do that.
The fucker opened up a high priority issue assigned to me, asking ME TO DO THE CHANGE I WANTED TO DO 6 MONTHS AGO THAT HE SAID NO TO.
Fuck this shit. I have a meeting with him and my boss in an hour. My boss is pissed, I hope he tells the other guy to go fuxk himself and do the change himself.14 -
Sorry, long since my last post...
I have quit my job recently at DERP & CO.. The level of anxiety was already somewhat of medical severity.
For months I had been in a project that not only did not progress, but that it was getting worst day by day.
A bit of Context
November: "Dev, junior anon needs you to help him on the SHIT project because they are running out of time, it is mainly doing unit tests."
Well, the code was a mess, there was a LOT of copy paste and it was all bad quality (we talk about methods with complexities between 80 and 120 according to SONAR QUBE).
Dev: "Anon, you know this is wrong, right?"
Anon: "Why? it works"
Dev: after long explanation.
Anon: "Oh well, yes, from now on I will take it into account." And he did it / try his best.
Dev does the unit tests and do extra work outside of the reach of the sprint (y than i mean work after hours, classic) and alerts the boss of the mess.
December: After a project of approximately 6 or 8 months of development, the boss discovers that the junior anon have been doing everything wrong and/or with poor quality (indicating that throughout the whole development the quality of the code was NEVER checked nor the functionality).
Boss: "This is a shit. Dev, you have to correct all the errors and warnings marked on sonar", which are around 1200 between smelling code, high risk errors, etc.
Dev fixes something like 900 bugs... lots of hours...
Boss: "This still is all wrong, we have to redo it. We will correct the errors leaving something stable and we will make a new repository with everything programmed as it should be, with quality and all"
- 900 corrections later, now are irrelevant -
Boss: "Dev, you will start to redo it, anon is out on other project. First you must leave the existing one working properly"
Dev: "ok ..."
January: How can I correct the mess if the client asks for more things. I am just fixing the mess, doing new functionalities, and when I have free time (outside the work) I try to advance the new repository, poorly I must say because burntout.
Boss: "Everything should be arranged at the end of January, so that you can redo everything well in February."
I can't handle everything, it starts to fall further behind. Junior Anon quits the job.
February: Big Bad Bugs in the code appear and practically monopolize the month (the code is very coupled with itself and touching in one place sometimes meant breaking other stuff).
Boss: "It can't be, you've been with this since January and you haven't even started correcting this mess in the new repo"
Dev: "It is that between the new things that are requested and the bugs I cannot put myself with that"
Boss: "Do not worry, you will be helped by random dev if you needed. SPOILER ALERT: random dev is allways bussy. Not made up bussy, He had a lot of work by itself, but it can't help me the way I need it.
High anxiety levels, using free time to try to reduce the work left and gradually losing the taste for develop.
March: So far, not only do they add new things day and day, but now they want to modify things that were already "ok", add new ones and refactor everything in a new repo. I just did not see an end of this nonsense.
Dev breaks, the doctor says it's anxiety, so I just know what I have to do.
Dev: "I quit my job"
Cool Manager: "Damn, why?"
Explain everithig
Cool Manager: "Do you want to try if I can change you to other project or anotjer scope on the same project?"
Dev: "Thanks, but no Thanks. I need to stop for a while".
End. sry for long sad post and maybe poor use of English (?) Not my native language.10 -
ARRRGGHHH! When the person sitting next to you produces nothing but shit and you know it's shit but, your boss doesn't because he's never written single byte of code in his life!2
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So this i quite a big project, hundreds of files everywhere, pages are rendered using multiple files.
This is one of the latest created page, it was made by my boss, and it just give me the creeps.
I REALLY don't know how he always comes up with shit like these.
I just hate having more than 5 closing tags in sequence...6 -
When a company operates like a startup but they're over 10 years old and they try to do the micro brew lunch thing and be "casual" but they pay you like shit and the boss is a moron.1
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I saw a rant about overtime or staying late if your boss is still at the office.
It's the same in a(lmost all i think) Japanese Company.
9:00-18:00 work schedule.
Come in earlier than your boss before actual work schedule.
Go home after your boss after the actual work schedule.
There's no more work to be done and they think you going home early weren't doing enough work and shit.
Good think i left that company.3 -
Please... Don't be shy to tell at your boss that her ideas is fucking shit and will piss like 95% of the user base !!!
In videogame, application, website, UX, UI or any fucking place10 -
Got married. Best day of my life. Woke up the next morning to my wife on one side and a fuck load of messages from my boss asking me to fix shit. Quit shortly thereafter.2
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Me: we need to fix all these technical debt and prevent new ones from growing
Boss: this needs to be prioritized by product owner
Correct me if I'm wrong but a PO didn't see all the shit under the hood, (of a nice looking "car")... And by the time the engine starts choking... It's already too late?1 -
Frustrated that my build system wasn't recognizing a file change I added to my code. It kept telling me that a function didn't exist in the linked object (linker error). I checked everything and stared at this shit for about 15 minutes or more. The signature matched, the function existed, the relevant source files existed. I was starting to imagine impossible scenarios. I cleaned the project and recompiled. No errors, everything linked just fine. Fuck you? I guess...
So I decided to needed to walk around so I went into my bosses office.
me: I don't want to program anymore.
boss: What do you want to do?
me: Shovel shit.
boss: They are the same thing.
me: True...
TLDR: Tool and possibly skill issue results in frustration and humor.6 -
today I spent an hour and a half (30 mins past my paid hours) explaining go my boss that I'm not just being rebellious; that the time I'm taking to do the job right is appropriate and the only way to end up with a piece of software that they'll be able to request features for without adding on to the absolute shit pile frankenkrakken that is their mutated 13 year old OSCOMMERCE dumpsterfire.
I convinced him. -
A few years ago my boss held a brainstorming meeting to go over features for an internal reporting app. I brought up we should have related business news stories scroll on the page header like Fox business or something. He laughed and said sure. Two things happened after that.
1. Found out the marquee tag still works in chrome.
2. Yeah you bet I put that shit in there.
Anyways a meeting was held a few days after where my boss chewed me out for actually doing it. He showed the app to his boss and got laughed at by his leadership team when they saw news headlines scroll over analytics graphs.
After writing this I realize this is more his embarrassment than mine. Have a great Tuesday fam.7 -
Sorry, is TL, but humbly think is worth to read.
Last Friday:
Coworker: Hey, our mail is being redirected to our client's spam folder. What did you do?
Me: Sorry, but I have no control over that.
Boss: I happened to me also. Something is wrong with our mail server.
Me: I'll check, but this is really out of my control.
Rushed to my station... domain blacklist check...Fuuuuuuuu! We been blacklisted! What in the fucking damn hell happened?????!!!
Mail server log check....Mmmm...WTF is this shit?
Devilish grin in my face....muahahahaaa! Your ass is MINE!
So, my "I know everything" new coworker ( https://www.devrant.io/rants/193238 ) used his account to send over 6300 messages a couple of times over a period of 4 hours. By our boss request we have no limit on our servers...
Gotcha! I'm going to get your ass fired!
(BTW: The pic is Gotcha the Cockatoo)4 -
When bugs are seen by the client and boss therefore asks me "did you know about this bug?", what I'd really like to answer is:
"well shit, no! I would have solved that or at least told you about it, don't you think? what kind of fucking question is that?"
But then I just answer "no, lemme check"2 -
My boss:
Doesn't manage the fucking agile board..
Doesn't call for meetings when we need...
Decides randomly for sprints duration.
Decides to do whatever he feels better with an obvious lack of thought.
Decides what to do based on assumptions instead of FUCKING ASKING THE FUCKING CLIENT!
Oh you stupid piece of shit how many time do we have to go over me explaining you how planning works and you pretending to agree?1 -
In a call with the big boss of the huge company I'm working for:
HER: Yeah, this MUST be in the next release or we better not even release
She's talking about a fucking carousel to let the user know its stuff has been merged, I get the point! It's important, but do you fucking realize that the user is currently NOT EVEN LOGGING IN?
HOW TF IS YOUR PROBLEM WHAT THEY SEE ONCE INSIDE THE PLATFORM IF THEY CAN'T EVEN LOG THE FUCK IN?
FUCKING BUSINESS BITCH JUST SAYING WHAT HAS TO BE DONE AND THEN PRENTEDING SHIT TO ACTUALLY WORK PROPERLY5 -
When your PM or boss says they used to program back in the day in FORTRAN and haven't done shit since.
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Fuck, they updated the internal move policy in my company from 1 year 9 months to move to another team to be at least in the same team for 2 years.
I hope I can find a way to gtfo faster because I am honestly so tired of this shit, the tasks are getting too repetitive, my boss is useless, spends her time shopping instead of working and being stuck with a bunch of juniors means you only have the internet to learn something new.
I really want to start delving more into PAAS and start working with docker and kubernetes. Oh well, guess we'll have to wait and see.16 -
Boss: Why are you trying to build the old program?
Me: Because I need to determine behavior of why old program works with data that new program does not.
Boss: Does it affect the output?
Me: No, but...
Boss: STOP! Just filter it.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Go write new fun code, not work on old shit.
Me: Thank you for saving me from myself.
In reference to:
https://devrant.com/rants/4666401/...2 -
I was reluctant to try out flutter earlier on because of claims online stating that hybrid frameworks aren't there yet. That's one hell of a crap!
I fell in love with flutter after completing my first flutter app. Shit was just too easy. So many helpful libraries which has eased my overall workload lately.
We built a Native Android app which took 2months+ to complete and I just finished porting it to flutter for iOS and Android in 3 weeks. Boss was happy, Client was happy, I am freaking joyous, everybody is happy!
From the mouth of a Native Android Dev with over 5yr of exp. This shit called flutter is worthy of all the hype. I fucking kid you not!
I don't know about the past... I assume it was shitty then cus I also blasted it based on git issues but now it seems even more faster to build production worthy apps than anything I've encountered.4 -
Me with estimations:
*enter the supermarket
*take a small basket because I need just one or two things..
*realizes I needed more things, basket get full, me getting tired.. oh shit..
Boss asks some changes
-ok boss, one hour at most, it's just adding few lines..
*then I realize that it's not that simple1 -
I loved my previous job. It paid shit but I learned so much. Starting from prototyping to production. DevOps, Development etc. I started a new job 1 year ago. It pays great but man, I only do “if-else” nothing else.
My old boss contacted me for some contract job because the dev that he hired after me, not only he didn’t do anything, but broke production and all other systems on a Friday before going on vacation. So the company went old school with excel spreadsheet to keep track of orders.
I accepted the contract job and man. I’ve learned so much these past 2 weeks, working only ~ 10 hrs / week.4 -
Raining outside, the office all to myself. The entire building is empty and here I am jamming to Volbeat while I finish some stuff for monday.
It sounds as If i am complaining, but I am not, i love this me time that I get at the end of every Friday (we leave at 12 but I stay about 3 hours extra to fuck around)
I love this shit. Boss got us pizza yesterday and there is still some left.
And i got some tobacco with me . This is some good shit my dudes. Good shit2 -
All things have ends. Nothing lasts
If I am currently sad, this situation will pass.
If I am currently happy, this situation will pass too.
If there is a bug, boss like shit.. it'll pass, it doesn't deserve to be that sad ans depressed..
If there is no bug, and the work is perfect.. it'll pass.. there will be moments when sadness come..
it's just everything is going, nothing deserves to be sad or that happy.4 -
I actually never felt the need to scream at a co-worker so let's talk about that time a co-worker screamed at me instead.
tl;dr : some asshole boss screamed and threatened me because someone else's project was shit and didn't work.
Context: I was in my third year of school internship (graded) and my experience is C, C++, C#, Python all in systems programming, no web.
I was working as an intern for a shit company that was selling a shit software to hospitals (though not medically critical, thank God) the only tech guy on site was the DBA (cool guy) the product was maintained by a single dev in VB from his house, the dude never showed up to work (you'll understand why) and an other intern who couldn't dev shit.
I was working with the DBA on an software making statistical analysis from DB exports, worked nice, no problems here if we forget the lack of specs or boundaries (except must work in ieShit).
The other intern was working on something else (don't ask me what it is) I just remember it was in GWT before the community revived it. His webapp was requesting the company http server for a file instead of having one of it's java servlet to fetch it (both apps ran on sane server) which caused a lot of shit especially CORS error. That guy left (end of contract) and leaves his shit as is, boss asked me to deploy the app, I fiddle with it to see if it works and when I find out it doesn't then that asshole starts screaming at me in front of every other employee present, starts threatening to burn me in the tech world and have me thrown out of my school for no goddamn reason than the other dude's project doesn't work.
After the screaming I leave and warn my school immediately.
I guess that's why the other dev never came to work.
I had three weeks of internship left, that I did from home and worked probably less than 2 hours a day so suck it asshole.
Still had a good grade because I was reviewed by the DBA and he was happy with the work I did.
It was only later that I realized that what he did was categorizing as harassment (at least in France) and decided that never again this would happen without a response from my lawyer.1 -
I'm in such a mood to pick a fight with someone. not anyone, a specific someone, my boss. i want to ruin this person's day. i want him to fume like the little chihuahua he is, and if he wants to antagonize me at least he should do that right. come on, yap like the little shit you are. fucking hate this slippery, quiet bs, fucking us over and pretending to be civil3
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When you forward an email from your boss to yourself again as a reminder, but add cuss words in because that's how you operate, the recipients list only lists yourself, but it apparently notifies your boss and shit.
Thanks for nothing microsoft.4 -
(Hopefully this is the meta rant to kill meta rants)
I'm fucking sick of devrant.
New users posting shit memes with the wrong tags.
But worse are old users complaining about said new users, or just beginner devs from other sites
Yes, some people need stack overflow every 5 minutes.
Not everyone has the capacity to understand every documentation.
Not every documentation is updated or entirely correct.
Not everyone has more than a year or two of experience.
Don't be part of the dumb circlejerk. Just complain about your bullshit boss, coworker or tech.11 -
Testing an attendace machine API one by one so i know what does what.
And there’s an API for wiping all the attendance data stored in the machine.
I didn’t realize it until i push the damn button.
The attendance machine just become fresh like new 😱😨😰
Shit.
A testing session just become an extreme sport.
Thankfully the IT guy has a backup but just up to last month.
Well, it’s better than nothing isn’t it?
He just tell his boss that the machine was run out of memory and the attendance data for the current month were not saved.
And he ask him to buy me some machine for testing.
Yes, i was living on the edge by testing in the production machine. -
Fuck my boss.
He's making me do non-dev work that I'm absolutely not qualified to do and he's even writing to me on Slack to make me do some of it outside my working days.
I'm getting so fucking anxious whenever I'm trying to work with this shit because I have no fucking clue what exactly am I supposed to do.
FUCK14 -
Started a contract about 7 weeks ago now and initially it was great. The boss man was out of the office the majority of the time so I was able to get shit done.
Now the boss man is in the office all the time and I can't have a technical conversation with another dev without him jumping in to explain why we are wrong.
He has no technical experience to speak of and so I now have to explain every technical decision to someone who thinks you can put php code into javascript.
Maybe this is rubber fuck debugging?
Now I just keep telling myself "it's only 4 more months..."2 -
Last Week Friday:
PM: We'll be taking you off the one project on to another, we'll send the details later.
Me: Cool
*Hours Later*
PM: Ok cool, so you'll be looking at a script that one of our Pillar heads has scripted. You need to make sure it works and that it can run on the server.
Me: *I always thought this guy was useless now i get to see what he can do* Cool, just send the documentation and i'll take a look at it over the weekend. Just tell me when you've sent it.
PM: Cool.
Project Head: I'll inform you when i send the files and how to run them.
Me: *I know how to set up a database locally, i'm not an idiot* Cool.
Whole Weekend I don't get a single message.
Monday Morning:
Project Head(PH): Have you taken a look at it yet?
Me: Taken a look at what?
PH: The Database and the Script
Me: i didn't get any message over the weekend.
PH: I sent it yesterday, it should be in your inbox.
Me: There's Nothing. Sending anything on a Sunday is expecting me not to see it, especially at 10pm. Besides i can't retrieve any of the files in the attachment(Outlook tripping), rather send it in a zip file or upload it to onedrive.
PH sends the link. I get the files, set up the DB, glance at the script.
Me: This is actually interesting.
PH: You know what it does?
Me: My SQL knowledge is below average but i can read and understand it pretty well. So your dynamically copying the database from the server to the warehouse, cool.
It's not going to work though.
PH: Check first.
I check it
Me: Doesn't work, but it sort of works.
PH: What do you mean?
Me: Some tables are populated but some aren't,, how and there's a shit tone of errors.
PH: So i does copy the data over.
Me: Some of the data.
PH: test it on the Server
Me: Not a good idea.
PH: Just try it.
PM: In the mean time i'll send you some documentation i need you to review and edit.
Me: *Idiots* Cool.
Tuesday:
Me: Have you checked it on the server yet?
PH: Not yet, busy.
Me: Where's the documentation again?
PM: I'll send it it a moment.
Me: In the mean time i'll write some script to fix that script that's definitely not going to work.
Wednesday:
Boss: I heard you done with the script
Me: It's not done, but we'll be testing it on the server later.
Boss: Then why are you running it on the server?
Me: Ask the PH and PM.
Boss: What are you doing now?
Me: Well i'm supposed to do documentation *looks at PM* but i haven't recieved any yet, so I've been writing a script to fix the copy script.
PH: Ok we'll test when the boss leaves, after all the meetings.
PM: here's the documentation.
Me: Thanks
I start on documentation.
PH: It didn't work.
Me: I know.
PH: Fix it.
Thursday:
Meeting.
PM: What you doing?
Me: Fixing the script,
PM: Do the documentation first
Me: Cool.
End of the day:
PH: Why you doing the documentation? The script has highest priority.
Me: Ask the PM.
Friday(Today):
Boss: can we talk.
Me: Sure.
Boss: I though you said the script was done?
Me: i said it sort of works, just doesn't do the job 100%.
Boss: Monday i was told it's done.
Me: i only looked through it Monday to understand it, i done nothing before Tuesday. though i have been trying to create a script to fix it.
Boss: Your working really slow hey.
Me: *It's been a week, and stupid people are in charge* I was doing what i was told.
Boss: Cool.(His Upset)
Stupid FUCKEN people, make stupid FUCKEN decisions. But Hey, the boss only see's the final result. I am a human being, even i make mistakes. But there's a huge gap between stupidity and a mistake. -
Am i whiny or is resilience so glorified in this field?
I am a junior developer. I was assigned with two projects together with a friend and a senior. My friend and I finished our assigned tasks way before the deadline. Fast forward, my senior got reassigned to a different project since we are lacking with manpower. Naturally, his transactions were assigned to me and my friend. And my goodness, his existing codes are a piece of shit! It's all over the place. His variable naming is shit, his codes are all around the place, his codes doesn't even follow our company's coding standards, no try catch, a lot of unsafe practices. In short, cleaning his code is a pain in the ass and my friend and I got really busy with cleaning his mess. The testing of our system is really near but I just thought that maybe he's really busy with the other project that's why the quality of his codes deteriorated.
He's not. One day, I saw his in discord that he's playing during work hours lol. And the worse part is that he is playing with our boss! YES. DURING WORK HOURS. I got mad but I couldn't say anything because he is really tight with the boss.
Later on that day, we had our meeting. I was surprised when my boss told me that she's expecting that the excel part of our system is already finished. A little background here, my boss asked me to study Excel VB. However, I didnt get to study that much because I was so busy fixing bugs and after that came the cleaning of our senior's shit codes.
So I tried to say these things to my boss but I was cut out by the same senior shouting "You can do it!" over and over again. No one listened to what I was trying to say! And to make it even worse, the boss had a very proud look on her face and she even had the audacity to tell me that I'm lucky I have such a good support system. I dont.
Now, the company is planning to put me in a very demanding project. I havent finished cleaning up my senior's codes, I havent started anything with the excel and the deadline is next week!
The boss told me that even if I enter the other project, that I will still be responsible for the Excel part of our system. So fucking shoot me in the face.They were telling me that I should have a good time management system, that I should be flexible, that I should adapt easily, yada yada yada. She just makes you feel bad about yourself if you're not as 'flexible' as her.
The thing is, even if I have the best time management techniques in the world, if you bombard me with a shitload of tasks, then I won't be able to do it properly! I don't even take breaks anymore! I work literally 8 hours a day, even more than that. And I dont understand, why the hell is she overworking me when her friend (the senior dev) is just playing during work hours?
Another funniest thing is that she told us that when we encounter technical problems, we should ask our senior dev. Oh boy, if only she knows how shitty his codes are.6 -
Keep this in mind: I don't like WordPress and PHP at all!!!
So a couple of days ago my boss asked me if I could extend a custom made WordPress plugin made by our intern. First thought: sure why not? Boss says: it has to be done in less than 100 hours of work (an estimate done by my boss and the intern). Me: I can't tell you that before I have seen the code and what functionality has to be in the extension. Boss: Cool, look it over this weekend and tell me if you want to do it or not.
I looked it through and my answer will probably be: NO WHERE IN HELL am I gonna are this in less that 100 hours! 1. no tests has been performed so I have absolutely no clue if his code works.
2. variable names are mostly: $string_query (whatever that means?), $result, $string_temp and so on.
3. Methods and functions are more than 250 lines long, with shitty formatting, and more comments than code. WTF?
4. The estimate has been made by an intern and my boss (doesn't know much about programming). I haven't been consulted about it....
5. No version control. No branches, no commits other than initial commit. Great.
6. Most comments in the code just tells me what I can read from the code. What it returns and what it takes as params. Can I please know wtf your method call named $booking->run () does? I still haven't found this method in the code after 1 hour of intensively looking for it...
FFS man... Not gonna do this, even though I thought it would have been an interesting project initially.
Sorry for the long rant... I just wish the intern would have consulted me about all this shit, since he obviously have bad practices. *sigh*6 -
Today's my birthday... As usual, I worked in my office... At morning (approx 11:30AM) I received a call from my boss yelling cause a shit deadline and for some shit that I didn't sent to him (I already sent, the bastad was in vacation and didn't saw it)... His wife wished me happy birthday but the mother fucker didn't say a shit instead yelling during all day... Our relationship sucks cause he's a fucking bastard that doesn't know a shit of development process and I am done of his stupid shit... I fucking need to change my job!!!!13
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Today I went into the 1 holer restroom right after my boss. I braced myself for the worse as the toilet seat was down. To my surprise it smelled like bubble gum. So my boss's shit doesn't stink, it smells like bubble gum.
What that hell do you have to eat to make your shit smell like bubble gum?24 -
So my boss started to use https://toggl.com and now every single clients calling must be tracked by our timer.
This specific time I forgot to activate it as he called, but by the time I got to start the timer the fix was already finished...
IDK if I'm too fast or the client to stupid to fix his shit by himself6 -
Lucky shit: no need to clean ass/toilet
Lucky call: Boss/Client asks you immediately after you say Hello if you were ill, and leaves you alone
Today I had both!
Hard times are coming....10 -
The level of desire to give my boss a positive klap right now is too damned high.
Cunt flies us across the country to work 4-5 hours of unpaid overtime every day for a week to fix his Royal fuck up, some of my guys decide they gonna take the later uber into work cuz we gonna grab a run or an extra hours sleep cuz we fucking tired after a 13 hour day and this is the shit we get:
No wonder they call it Slaapstad 😜 - guys, no later than 8am at the office please so we can make a collective start.2 -
My boss just added a video about a product in a whatsapp group that has all employees asking everyone to spread it to your personal groups 'to promote it as much as possible'.
Well, fuck this shit their cringy-ass music video makes me want to bleach my eyes. And how does this fucker expects us to spread his cancer in our groups for his profit?
Also half of the people in the group are sucking his dick already with replies like "Sure ✌" and "OK sir!!! ".
Fuck you morons grow a spine and stop bending over so easily to make others happy. 😐1 -
So, there was this guy where i worked, who was doing some freelancing.
He asked me to do some front-end stuff for him and i said ok.
After some gigs, my boss found out about him working as a freelancer and got really pissed, because, according to him, it was forbidden by company policies (though i never saw it on contract).
After that, the boss started talking to me about shit that the guy did on the past, like stealing, liying about been sick for months, bad mouth the entire company to others companys, etc. Some really bad shit.
End of the story, the company fired that guy, threatened to do the same to me, made me go on record about that shit in court, and that fucking motherfucker didnt even payd me for my last work.
I hope he rot in hell, fucking piece of shit.
Sorry for the long text, but (today) i find it as amusing story. -
GWT.
Let me explain:
Tl;dr : someone fucked up, I took shit, it was a gwt project. In a sense I don't hate GWT because of the framework itself but because how I was introduced and forced to "work" with it.
Context:
Was working as a paid intern at a small company there were 3 devs 2 interns and one senior employee that only worked from home handling the shit ton of legacy VB6 code he wrote over several year and a boss with no technical knowledge. (Other unimportant people as well)
I was working with their DBA (cool dude) because I was writing statistic and report generating software.
Story:
The other intern was tasked of doing a gwt app that was supposed to use a input file.
Rather than asking the user to upload it with a file picker (I guess they exist in gwt I didn't got to dig in the framework) he was trying to load the file with a http request directed at the same host the app was running on.
It did not work.
Then his contract was other and the app was left in an unfinished state.
The boss then tried to have the app deployed, the remaining dev dodged the bullet invoking some bullshit because he was clearly incapable of doing it.
So it fell on me, couldn't deploy the app because it was not even close to working.
Tried to fix things and make it work.
Turns out he thought it would take me 3h to deploy when I clearly explained that the other guy didn't finish the app.
Boss got mad, threatened to ruin my studies and my future career.
Couldn't because my uni had my back.
Didn't want to see me anymore.
Couldn't break my contract.
Told me to work from home for the end of my internship.
I got 3 weeks early vacation and got paid, fuck him, fuck GWT, fuck his company.
Still got well marked for the internship as my supervisor was the DBA who was happy with my work.
Morality:
Don't let your intern unsupervised, don't let your main dev work from home when you don't know shit, don't piss me off and send me work from home. -
Story about my old boss:
I was doing a lot of work in an area that had a data property and a method to build an object. I noticed a reset method that iterated all that objects properties, found the matching data from the data object, passed that data through some logic to format it and then assigned that value to the object property.
As part of my PR I removed that method, since data wasn't changing, and simply called the create method again with data.
The result of tidying the code base and putting it up for review before a merge? I get told I have no respect for my boss's code, that I am undermining him, that I need to be more considerate and respectful of other people's work and that I am no longer allowed to change any code he has written in the code base (half the code base) without talking to him about it first, before it goes up for review. Also if he is working on an area I cannot change anything - not even 1 character (he is working on the core of the app).
Every day there I was so confused :D5 -
So I spent over 200 hours recovering a raid array because the the business that hired the company I work for tried to do all the work in house. Now I'm to the point of trying to quote a new server setup to the company because the last one got hit by lightning. My quote $8000-$20000 in just hardware alone. If im going to do this I want to do it right. Twin servers running xenserver holding virtual machines with a high-quality Nas to hold the virtual machine. Then have the vm's being imaged to two off site backup devices in two different locations and a cloud backup. My boss comes in after me talks to the guy in charge and tells him all that is needed is one server holding all storage on it just like the last server that died and one off-site backup for $4500. How stupid can someone be who has been doing this for over 20 years? Oh btw the software running on this server will be 911 dispatch, jail records and the database for fine payments. The sheriff making the final call me and my boss are meeting with him tomorrow if my boss tries to undercut me I'm going to tell them both that if the same shit happens next time they can spend the time themselves trying to recover stuff because I done the over 200 hours in just short of two weeks.11
-
One day i started to code.
One day i was told you will not code without git.
Many days i lost code on git because i was ignorant.
Today i reset the act of commiting without losing all my shit.
Git reset --soft HEAD^
I didnt event sweat it ;)
Today i feel like half a boss!!! -
At my last gig I was working at a small ISP and my boss was asking why our throughput went to shit every time he checked the router web ui. I told him it was because the web server on the router uses up a lot of CPU time, and that meant the router couldn't process as many packets since it uses that same CPU for well routing, nat, firewall rules etc...so it's probably best to use the CLI instead. Boss says, "YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" And continues to destroy throughput by looking at the web ui.
TL;DR Boss yelled at me for telling him how things work. Yay.1 -
Staring at computer trying to figure out why I can't read a float from modbus. I swapped the bytes correctly for my platform. I also ensured the endianess of the words matched my platform (byte endianess is not the sames as word endianess, fml). Was driving home thinking about what could be wrong. My mind saw this code:
uint32_t newint;
for(int count=0; count<2; count++){
newint |= words[count] << count;
}
Then I am fuck! It should be:
newint |= words[count] << (count*16);
This was later turned into float. I kept getting values in the 1e-40 or some shit. Now it makes sense. The upper word was not set.
This is such newb shit. Fuck you newb shit I should just know!
Reading more I realized that the endianess of words can vary between devices even though the spec calls for big endian words. Fuck you non-compliant vendors! So I gotta add a flag for fucked up devices. Fine. The pay off is a generic way to add modbus to our opcua server. I want this easily editable in the field. For now it is readonly. So that makes it nicer.
Just a little torqued that I solved this driving home instead of at work. Too close to the code. I think tomorrow I will have my boss review it to tell me of other logical crap I missed.3 -
Sometimes when I'm telling my boss how to do something on his computer or I am watching him explaining something to me and he seems like a fucking lost infant that never used a fucking computer in his life I just wanna say loud and firmly:
"What the fuck man? Can't you fucking just click this shit already? Your fucking mouse pointer is on it already, click this motherfucker for once!"6 -
phew! 😨 nearly lost my shit and a days worth of work. Because I mindlessly overwrote a webdev project folder. "oh nooooooooo! how I'm gonna justify that to my boss!?"
Thankfully VS Code could undo that on those files i had open.2 -
My superpower: having the flu will not affect me whatsoever...but it will get everyone else in my vicinity SICK af.
Which is why my sexy ass was sent home since Monday and I have been living life at home this week. I haven't taken a vacation in so long, and this feels nice. HR fucked up and their dumbasses said I was not "cleared" to work from home. Yet I have over 200 hours accumulated of sick leave.
My department is in flames because I am needed there. Of course, every other department thinks I don't do shit all day, the only one that knows how much I do is my boss, bless him. But for every other motherfucker that thinks that I am here just playing with my thumbs all day: eat shit...und die.11 -
A subservient idiot of my CEO who thinks he is my boss has asked me to document our daily standup meetings.
Today I put together all the reasons this is a waste of time in my head: nobody reads these, if you read them once every 2 weeks what's the point of writing these everyday, you don't understand what we do, this takes time away from us actually accomplishing shit.
He was out for kidney stones today. He is in immense pain, but I cannot lay the logical smackdown I had prepared upon him.
Bittersweet -
company lands huge enterprise project
promises client to deliver it in MIN_TIME_REQUIRED/4
No architect, no technical lead, no seniors, no designer just juniors and interns in the project.
all the project time wasted by manager making shit decisions and not giving a fuck what devs have to say about how project will be disaster if goes like this.
Now the project is officially under raging fire
Boss to dev : What happend to the project. Why are things not working?
Dev: You made decisions not us.
Boss: I don't buy it. Work 24hrs until this is done.
Dev: F*** you and this project. I am resigning. -
Boss: "You hardcoded the redirect uri in the code (Early on during development and forgot about it, because apple OAuth is a piece of shit), but don't worry I fixed it by hardcoding the uri with the production host into the config file where clearly all settings are fetched from the OS Environment variables at runtime. This will surely fix the problem in staging we have, no need to thank me"5
-
!Rant
A couple hours ago I had an "interview".
It was like that:
- Show me your SQL skills, select from 2 tables, aliases, groups
-- Passed
- Ok, Now you have to learn Visual Basic .NET for getting this job, your first task is to create a simple calculator
My mind just exploded. Visual Basic?!? Noooo.... Really? I don't want to learn that Microsoft shit.... But it's good paid work so I'm trying it right now.
To be honest? I'm suprised, it's not that bad and I think that problems are not in languages, it's about cooperation, flexibility and enthusiasm to solve problems.
So don't judge programming languages and solve problems with them.
Still hate pascal and my English🤔
P.S.: Boss is amazing, smart....2 -
Company had problematic client projects that each client has a bucket load of change requests. Company doesn't know how to say "No" to them. Company can't afford to pay the subvendors for the changes and the subvendors aren't willing to do them for free.
I went in, reverse engineer the shit out of each application, database, system, documented my own findings, changed according to each client request. This involves editing tables in MSSQL, rerouting PHP files, adding field and validations in C#, passing parameters in VB to Crystal Report, and managed every change request into my own personalize ticket system (that the company does not have).
Saved the company, everyone was grateful. A couple of months later, the company hasn't paid my salary on time, I left like a boss.
They're in shit again and need my help. Haha! -
Today a co-worker (I am going to call him 'boss') ask to another co-worker (I am goin to call it 'useless piece of shit' or 'ups') to explain to me a new task, becaus boss was to bussy with a new release for a client.
Idk how but ups managed to explain all wrong, like terribly wrong.
Ups: "Dev, all you have to do is fix some queries from local files"
Dev: "Ok, seems legit"
Try the local files, nothing happend
Dev: "weird... ups why this is happening?"
Ups: "I know the same as you, ask boss."
Dev: "boss this."
Boss: "what the actual what? ... this is all wrong. The config file is in mongo, in this IP, we don't use local files anymore. I tell ups to explain this to you so I can atay focused on this other task, but now I lost the double amount of time"
Dev: "oh... sorry, I will fix the remote queries"
I hate ups, every fucking time soneone need something from him this happend or worst...1 -
Global variables destroyed my day
Of course you can call me a bad programmer and all. When you have the idea, sometimes globals make it seem easy, accessible and "saving resources". They are devils.
The app was connected to a suite of applications. So I ended up silently destroying it neighbors. I committed and pushed the shit. Just when the testers made their weed high smoke tests, a server stopped working.
I got an email that boss wanted the latest version, I reverted the wrong branch, which had code unrelated to its name, pushed shit again and voila.
I went to the bathroom and laughed. I had to take a smoke. I'm still laughing while typing this. The damage is too much and I can't help it. I'll go home, leave this pc on and work remotely through the night. It might be the hysterics speaking now, but I messed up, and I need magic by friday morning.6 -
Today's episode of Bluey is called: "I am not ready to go back to work after a week long mandatory vacation in which I will go back into a space that has made my passion into a shitless grabs for money"
Seriously, If I hear "the president of the institution does not like <X>" I will blow my brains out.
What is worse, every "leAderShiP" meeting I ask if shit is actually a policy towards were my department head says "no, but the boss does not like <X>" <--- then fucking make it a policy.
Seriously, I have a wife, I have but one woman to keep happy, I ain't about to break my back on dumb shit that some lady dislikes when I already have to keep 1 woman happy.
Going to work is a paycheck to me, but fuck man, I am seriously leaving. Good luck trying to find fkers this part of town that can patch my software be it that I wrote it in the most esoteric shit known to mankind on these modern days.
Might start listening to recruiters, I get about 50 offers a day.1 -
The company I used to work for, despite me not working there contacts me to get a verification code because the crappy developer they hired can't change a couple settings on the apple website and add themselves as a developer.
At the start of this all, a couple months back I gave them the code out of courtesy, but at this point, as i'm heavily invested in the development stage of my actual job as a vr developer, I won't take time out of my day to even answer the phone for them.
But what really pisses me off is the person who contacts me, my assumbly best friend, who during the last 12 months has only called me for these codes, so work related shit or just personal shit and never to hang out or play games or generally what we used to do as friends before he got a job at that stupid company doesn't have the balls to tell his boss that i'm busy with my job, that maybe if payment was offered as an incentive that I would be happy to be contacted.
When I left that company I didn't setup anything to make it so they would have to contact me, all I did was add myself as a developer of their app. I also heavily documented everything I did, all the issues I faced and the workarounds I found, and everything including all login information needed to get things working, I went above just "developing" the app I added in all the credits to all work used in the app as partly to make sure we don't get sued for stealing someones work without the right credit.
I hate the fact that I worked for minimum wage and did all of this shit, but I never complained at all about things like the 1 1/2 hour travel time (one way I might add) to my boss, the amount of money I spent on public transportation, the little money left over that I didn't even spend and instead give to my parents.
They know nothing about how hard that year was for me, and if they want to get this code, my so called friend can come chat in person, in his off time and when I'm done working on my own shit and we can discuss terms because this shit is just not fair at all.5 -
You know what you shouldnt do? Leave your bag with your work laptop at the stairs.
Woke up as normal today and helped the kids down the stairs without checking. Then I just heard how I stepped on something.
Lets say its a big crack in the middle of the screen and you see shit. But gladly it work with work with external screens so its just the screen that are damaged. So tomorrow I must either:
- Work as normal with an external monitor and simply wait to call the boss for fix until after christmas.
- Or call the boss and tell him how stupid I am and hope its okay and I van get a new one/fix this.
Right now I feel for the first one.3 -
A while a go, we got a Feature Request by our client, which was a bit of a stretch. and by a bit of a stretch i mean horrible shit which is totally unusable, a technical nightmare to implement with almost no accessable data.
well, the pm gave me the Ticket. when I First read it, I wanted to puke.
since the pm wasnt in a good mood, i just wrote a large comment on where to implement that Feature to be a much less pain in the ass.
many discussions with the pm and the Client later, i Had to implement it the way, they wanted. so i started.
after one and a half week, i was almost ready, just a few hours left and the nightmare would be over
what i didnt know is that the Client came over to discuss a few things with my Boss
suddenly my Boss walks in and asked, how much im ready
then He told me THE message
i should should Revert everything ive done the last 1 1/2 weeks and implement the Feature the way, i told was better
worst friday ever -
So i informed my intent to leave the job in few months in pursuit of learning something new in tech. Boss is trying to convince me to not leave and said i should consider learning it after work hours. In fact, in his opinion, the best way to learn is just going ahead and learning it while doing it in the project ( which usually has impossible deadline and fugly code by colleagues who never thinks of good coding practices when typing their shit ).
Well guess what boss, I don't want to just live a life staring at monitor all day. I don't want to kill my eyes either.
Following his advise and not quitting would mean living a slave life.
I have other plans actually. Like being self employed and traveling the world which would be impossible if i follow the routine life.
Fun fact: he claimed he made an AI car back in 90s!
He also thinks I can't sense BS!😏2 -
I had this amazing boss. He had 25 years of experience in the sector covered by our software, an ERP. He knew how to be a programmer, a boss, a sales manager, a support person.
I learned most of the best practices from him: do not shout in the office, it makes impossible to work. Don't hide something to your coworkers, nobody was trusting him. Be clear with your clients, his subtle mind tricks pissed off a lot of clients. Your client needs to see an economic advantage in your offers, trying to sell gold priced shit is not a good way to stay in the market. The list could go on and on and on.
I learned what happens when you do everything in the wrong way, and I will never forget.3 -
My friends do it for me, so does my wife.
It helps that my coworkers are my friends and they are devs, so there is that.
Other than that my phone would usually rang during the weekend nonstop with shit to do. I normally tend to stick to being at home with my wife and child.
My city is strange in that everyone and their mothers parties every weekend and people are usually friendly enough to involve everyone with anyone during the weekends. I like and dislike that (loud shit annoys me)
My dear boss is a weekend alcoholic, so there are null chances of making us go to work and if they do they let us chill during the work week.
Not only that, but the entire IT dpmnt is really friendly towards one another. We are one big happy family(we never fight with one another, not even the sys admins/network dudes.1 -
Boss assigned code cleanup to me. We put up eslint and fixed a couple of issues, all nice and cute. Now, he wants me to find any redundant code and remove it (redundant fields in config objects). Sounds doable right?
WRONG!
Because we're writing fucking ExtJS. This abomination that is still called a "web framework" in lieu of its former glory supports no typescript, no code intel, no JSDoc, no nothing. Absolutely heinous and deplorable. Add insult to injury, our code on it is even worse. NO single component reused except from a couple REALLY fucking badly written ones, because every component queries for shit outside its jurisdiction so it's all a dependency spaghetti. Everything else is just copy-paste. Barely anything works as intended anymore in this bloody joke of an app.
I tell him in a meeting, I can prepare an automated solution. Some script or something that runs on a file watcher. All nice and dandy. A weekend and a Monday later, I get tired and do something else to clear up my mind. Show him some progress in that other thing. He's like:
Boss: that's good and all but did you remove *insert misused config that got everywhere during copy paste* like I told you to?
Me: I'm still working on it. I switched cause I got tired a bit with the automation.
Boss: automation?
Me: We were talking about in the meeting. *Explains again*
Boss: That's not what we agreed upon
Mfw I've been rambling uselessly on the meeting about it just for you to put me down and make me remove all that copy pasted GUNK from the melting hot garbage that is our codebase BY HAND? All the 150 occurrences of it? What do you think I am, a fucking robot?2 -
me after watching snowden(2016) yesterday : "Holy shit, government is going to fuck our privacy!!"
me after watching the circle today: "Holy shit big private companies are going to fuck our privacy!!"
My office senior watching me "Holy yeah boss is going to fuck your privacy"6 -
At 1pm,The fucking boss told me to get UI design and code for a risk management system be ready on 5pm, i DID it!!! Requires no changes or edits!!! Its done!!!
Shit fuck shit!!!!1 -
So a co-worker of mine contacted me for help in her project. I was in no mood to help as I hadn't slept properly the previous day. But she begged me to help, so I obliged just so I could get her off my back and catch some rest after 2 hours, or at least that's what I thought it would be. But here I am, 10 hours later, having just finished helping her in her project, and now I have a really bad headache, just waiting to go to sleep, but my brain is betraying me.
It was a project that uses Tryton framework (based on Python), which I sometimes feel is fucking inconsistent. Things won't work as expected most of the time. Her boss (my ex-boss) is a piece of shit, and he wanted the work by the next day (i.e. today). And nobody else (not even the boss, who would have gotten this work done in less than half the time had he helped her even a little bit) was ready to help, because they all hate her for being a slow learner. All I had to do was get some data in a particular format in a text file using the framework. But the amount of tries it took just to get the data in the text files cost around 2 hours due to shitty internet speeds that caused tons of lag on Anydesk. Then we had to take breaks in between for reasons. But due to my agitated state of mind, I couldn't sleep in those breaks. Then I had to spend time tinkering around with ljust and rjust to get the right amount of padding for the data, which took hours due to shitty internet speeds that caused tons of lag on Anydesk. And then Tryton kept throwing errors in between which took some time to fix. But we finally completed half the task, and I am off to sleep.
As I write, my co-worker is still awake completing the work her boss gave her. It's around 1:46am IST. HER BOSS IS A PIECE OF SHIT.2 -
When I was fresh out of school at my first job, we worked with an external consultant that refused to answer my emails directly since I was only a lite shit kid. Had to send all my emails thru my boss to get a reply.
-
That time when I requested someone from a different department to include the ID row in their database excerpt. Me, having the lowest possible status in the company, did not know the who I wrote to was the boss over at the other department. So I ask straight forward: "Could you please include the ID row?"
Then a damn long email comes back stating that there was absolutely no time for stupid shit as mine. There existed no ID row and I would only waste his time. All further requests should be route via my boss.
So, fuck, he's pissed. So what he deserve? A shit load of honey right into his mouth, like he wants to.
That company had a huge ass hierarchy in job positions and I was at the bottom. So I write my oh-im-so-sorry-mail.
~I never knew what position he had and that I would of course fuck off with my stupid request.~
What was his response?
Oh, yeah, thanks. Have a look into the attachment, is that the ID row you requested?
Yeah, as one can guess, it was.
Stupid honeyfucker. Of course an ID row exists, duh. -
I started programming on a new POS machine and I noticed that sometimes it reboots randomly. The boss and the assistance said that it's a well known bug and happened also in all old machines. Ah.... Ok.
And that shit costs a lot and it's stupid as fuck. Really? How the fuck is it possible? Sometimes I think that if I put a cardreader and a printer in a 50$ android phone I would save a lot of time6 -
*Writes magnificent class for company that makes code safer and faster. Nothing proprietary but super useful.
Me: yo boss I just wrote some sick shit, can I use it my projects too.
Boss: No, all your codenz belong to me4 -
What should I do if a coworker is always trying to pawn off their work on me? Whenever a bug is found, she'll always try to throw it in my court (via passive-aggressive-reply-all emails) even though its 90% of the time, some shit she wrote. I'd rather not go to my boss, because it feels like whining. But confronting her has been difficult because she works remote, is more senior than me, and there is a slight language barrier. Honestly, I think she pretends to know less English than she does, to ignore my emails...6
-
Fucking unreal bro!!! I’m working on an issue and I pushed, then there was a bug, i fixed it again, another issue for the UI change, another fixed for sorting column. All that fixed I created separate branch. My boss called me and told me im stupid for creating a separate branch everytime on a simple fix, he told me that Git isnt used that way. He told me that his been doing this 30years already. So I asked isnt it the best practice to create a separate branch on every issue or if the branch has been merged? His answer is no. Fuck this guy and his 30years experience
I should’ve responded:
First of all, if we have a test suite then I would have notice that error but we dont. You dont even want to upgrade ruby and rails. We’re stuck at version 4 on rails. Second why are you merging my MR and reviewing it on IST? Why didnt you do that locally so you can address the issue before you merged? Third fuck you and your 30years
My actual response is:
Ahh yes sir, im sorry wont happen again, my bad, sorry for that mistake.
Fuck bro im mad!!!!4 -
My boss is the king of creating ambiguous/generic trello cards and misinterpreting obvious client emails.
What the fuck man? Get your shit together!!2 -
How greedy can you get?
> boss takes half assed gdpr project : branch xyz
> branch xyz requires deprecated version of npm/node
> I re-install node this time with deprecated version
> Wow this node is configured with ant build
> ECMA 5, config but code is shit as fuck
> still I get the job done , cannot test it because code is shit as fuck and I will never any thing to fix that un healthy code
> code doesn't run on client side,
> no shit Sherlock
> get a call from boss, it urget look in it and fix it -
When updating the activities log:
- Working in the clients report feature 8:00 am - 9:30
- Improving slow query 9: 45 am 10: 45 am
- Filling this piece of shit because my boss cares what other departments say and wants to demonstrate that we are actually working since his a fucking square-minded dinasour who thinks more hours = more productivity FML 11:00 am - 11:15 am1 -
Trying to look busy.
I'm so done just telling my boss I'm bored and there's nothing to do. He gives me something meaningless to do because I'm salary so my 40 hours has to be full of something.
I really wouldn't mind doing 50 or 60 hour weeks if there was shit to do but there's just not. -
So, might be the first time ever but I have a reasonable client. Oh wait, life isn't that nice!
Boss, stop picking fights over stupid shit with the client!
Boss, actually show up to meetings you called!
Boss, do you want to get us fired from the contract?
Boss, stop threatening the client! They hold all the chips here!
Boss, actually listen to my technical advice since you are not technical!
Boss, go die in a hole!
Boss, I want your job and paycheck you do nothing!
Boss, don't tell me you are tired and we can talk tomorrow when you kept me up until 3am the previous night then called an 8am meeting!
Boss, give everybody, including the client, more than 2 hours notice for a meeting, then get pissed when the client doesnt show. They have other meetings!1 -
I feel like shit for arguing against my boss who tried to force me into overtime without pay…
I get that I did it for my own good, but I still feel annoyed af for having to do it in the first point. I hate arguing about stuff but this needed to be done, asking to work for free after your employee already gave you an extra hour for free is just… being greedy assholes.
And yet I feel discomfort. I hate so much this situation.2 -
Writing unit tests on a weekend and catching up on work that needs to be done because I m too busy on weekdays to have time to think about this...
The sad thing is test coverage is shit in the entire code base as boss just decided to start enforcing requirements now... And I have this huge migrating from legacy system project that needs to be merged. And we'll the legacy system is even shittier
So I have to write unit tests for shit code that was never written with testing in mind...
On the other hand I reworked some testing utilities to make it easier... For everyone... I want a huge bonus.... That I probably won't get...2 -
I always thought working remotely from home would be the dream. Now instead of a boss giving me shit, I get to listen to my girlfriend complaining about how much I work. God forbid I spend time doing something I enjoy.3
-
I'm an android developer. It's Friday evening. Just received a call from my honcho. He asked me to "hack" one website and get all the data from it.
Now I'm downloading PyCharm...
It's not a regular "fucking hell". It's a shit. Period.2 -
we're doing a massive database migration and trying to fix a lot of shit that was done for years in the db. problem is, i have to cater to a business major asshat that doesn't know the first thing about working with data and he's responsible for 99% of the shit we're trying to clean up.
his response to the problem i brought up in his stuff? "we can deal with it later, right now i need it like this". this is why you guys have a shit database, because we have to spoil this idiot. then they complain everything takes forever to run and the database is bloated and somehow it is our fault.
I'm really holding myself right now, because i already went off on him once and he basically called me hysterical, and our boss likes him too much to antagonize the bastard. but god i wish i could run over him11 -
!rant
Has any of you ever felt like you were going straight towards a burnout if you keep doing your actual job but consequently don't have any energy left during spare time to learn something new, new skills you would need to land a better job? Think changing programming "branch".
How/what did you do? I'm thinking of trying to get my boss to let me work less hours... But I honestly don't know if it would be enough.
Any advice?
Sorry for the downer post, I'll be back with shit my colleagues say soon enough ;)4 -
Im very very pleasantly surprised at my current job. They treat me like a God (that i am anyways). Free food free luxury hotel with spa gym and sauna. Free drinks free restaurants free trips free tickets. Free travel. I get everything and even an increased salary. I literally have nothing to complain anymore. For each time i complain i also have to admit honestly a well done for this company. I thought all of them are evil corps slaving people and treating them like shit which is why i wanted to become the shittiest darkest boss of ur nightmares. But seeing that some companies actually treat ppl with respect is new to me. Its irregular. Its odd. Almost too good to be true. it makes me reconsider to not be a nightmare boss and follow their steps instead. Only 1 Batman is enough to defeat evil instead of letting the evil infect good ppl like b2plane. Although im a shitmonster i am also like a bee; i sting only if i get stung first. The way how i get treated is exactly how i will treat others9
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My boss telling me not to worry and be more confident, after pointing out that not updating bad ad hoc code is not a long term solution, just inspired the confidence in me to tell him to go fuck himself if shit brakes during the weekend and evenings.1
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Fuck!! I can't sleep because two of my coworkers took vacation and my boss told me this afternoon that he want me to do their tasks AND create a hole new project for the public administration. That's a lot of work!!
I have two weeks but, holy shit!!8 -
So an update on my last rant(s) about dependencies and wasting time...
Today I finally lost it... With deadline fast approaching, i went to the big boss and he basically got everyone on his team to get their shit together and give me what I had asked for... 2 weeks ago...
It only took them 30mins.... Just the correct SQL query really...3 -
My biggest challenge is not telling the people who wrote code I get to maintain that it is a big pile of shit. My fear is I will forget I wrote said code and proceed to complain about said code. Then someone will point it out that I wrote said code. So it is kind of a self preservation strategy.
Also, in meetings, when my boss calls something a "piece of software", I have to refrain from giggling.3 -
!rant
I am working at the university as a web dev. Recently we were requested to create a registration system for upcoming knowledge olimpics in a little time. We finished it in the middle of february and until now, only 5 people have registered for the tournaments. -
If my 'official' job title was programmer but I was also doing network troubleshooting and administration as well as server configuration cause we had no one experienced to do it should I include that on my resume or would it look fake?
Should I only include the programming stuff since that was my job title5 -
The washing machine broke 3 days before the wedding :'( it flooded the restaurant below my house and there was a whole fucking mess and I had to clean everything. Meanwhile my boss is still on my ass.
I shouldn't have brought shit from mediamarkt. German quality my balls.15 -
Last week i had a talk with my boss. Actually he more had a talk with me. Why i wasn’t able to finish my work the sprint before. I told him i had to run not one, but two project at the same time and on top of that had to show a new coworker around.
Some how i keep thinking about quitting this shit.1 -
I am scared :< every day our boss comes in and blames someone that he did some shit.... He Never came to me... maybe he think I'm not working... Should do some issues too or I get fired :O3
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Story time... (Not long though)
My current employment status is quite strange. Basically I'm a freelancer. My former boss asked me to throw a half paid job and include three days worth of work for free just because it would be convenient.
When I told him no way - he was very uppset and offended and told me how disappointed he was.
Lesson learned: If you work for free and offer to "help" someone out, it will mostly lead to more queries for free of charge gigs. Don't do it like I did. Fuck that shit, thanks for appreciating my effort.1 -
So i have some SQL skills. and I ended up some shitty business reports .
My boss will to implement something she read on internet (scrum).
I recommended her to manage her expectations. IMHO After implementing scrum, no shit is gonna change and obviously I was ignored and treated as a negative thinking being
Do you guys think this could work? Since we're a 4 people team and each one of us have different and non related activities10 -
I need to stop trying to get involved with projects my boss seems to be keeping me away from...
Just stay in my own domain... Let everyone else screw up and say not my problem when they come asking me for help... Pretend I don't know...
Just let them build a pile of shit and don't tell them how they fucked up or how to fix... -
Sometimes I wish I wasnt the boss, but if I wasn't I'd have some dumb 40 year old telling me what to do, that's doesn't know shit about computers
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Some time ago I shared a story about negotiating a raise. After that I talked with boss a bit longer and he gave me a new assignment which is not really dev-related. His logic was that I know Java so I should be able to do this since system I'm going to work with is written in Java. Yeah, right.
I have to configure document-flow system, eDok, for our client. I have absolutely no idea about all this document processing and such, but oh well. It's his money.
To do so, my boss bought an serwer with Ubuntu and our client has installed it. I finished a beta version of my last project and today had to start working on this eDok shit. I tried to log in, but nothing was working. From the logs it looks like HDD has failed.
Well, at least it has happened now and not after I've configured everything 😅 -
Testing is important. Like when you test your server program that forks another program in the privacy of your home, only to discover you put the child code where the parent code should have gone and vice-versa.
You and your wife can have a laugh about it, instead of getting reamed out by the client or your boss for fork-bombing the server.
Sucks because it's still a stupid mistake, but at least I managed to minimize the amount of shit that would have otherwise landed on me. -
I'm such a big dumbass causing a bad second-impression in my new job: missed the standup because I'm a retard at reading how Outlook shows you the time of a meeting when you accept it, the time shown is the time of the inviter not your local time! And that day-1 training? Had to be completed by yesterday. Had to message the higher up I knew and was available, own my shit and apologize. Received a call from the outsourcing company's boss as he got notify from HR of my faux pas with the training.
I need to do better...6 -
Boss calls a team leads meeting which is just me and the other guy. Rest are product or project managers.
Turns out they concerns over how our last few sprints are always left unfinished as the work in it doesn't get passed QA.
Tried to tell him how can devs work on something that failed QA on the last day of the sprint.
We have one QA person who tests 20 something devs work. We are massively under resourced and yet they want us to do everything and always end up making promises to clients that we can't keep coz our sprint doesn't have capacity.
Yet they are hiring more product managers instead of getting some more QA help.
Sick & tired of this shit. -
Hey look at these awesome features we offer in the new version!
*carefully upgrades servers*
*app runs smoothly for few hours*
(Docker container exited with code 137) x 100
OutOfHeapMemory errror
Another dev: "I can't see the data flowing through the pipeline"
Boss: "Hmm, why did we upgrade again?"
*checks jira issue for the software*
Bug Report #125 fixed in the next version.
Aha!
Fuck this shit!1 -
Sometimes I ask myself how former IT people can become "Bosses"
Boss: We need to validate all links on our site
Me:Okay, let's vrab the response codes and some variations of under construction and we should be done.
Boss: No that only tests negatives, we need to test if the website content still matches.
Me: How?
Boss: Hmm... Just test if some keywords exist.
Me: So you want me to add a bunch of keywords for +-150 links? What about the maintenance?
Boss: Well, those sites basically never change.
Me: Then why do that?
Boss: Well, for when they change.
Now I can search through 150 mostly legal stuffy pages to find usefull keywords only to get a bunch of wrong negatives because the fucking semantics have changed...
+I have to type all that shit. Primarily, I have to type.3 -
first some background. I'm an intern coming in on the end of my internship (tomorrow's my last day). I've been working on a reasonably important project, more specifically a restful API. We have automation set up so that any commits to master on GitHub are pushed out into a live, accessible version. Some guy (let's call him dumbass) joined our team last week, and has had a few ideas
Dumbass: *opens pull request to my repo*
My boss: *requests changes*
Me: *requests different changes*
(All this before even testing his code, mind you)
Dumbass: *makes requested changes*
Me: *approves changes*
A day passes
My boss: *approves changes*
Me (not even 10 seconds after my boss approved changes): *requests more changes*
(Still haven't tested his code, I just ran A PEP8 compliance test)
Dumbass: *MERGES CHANGES TO MASTER*
Literally EVERYTHING breaks because he was importing a module that's not available
We don't notice until later that day (I'm still working on writing the tests for the automation, for now changes get put on live version even if everything breaks -- tool is still in beta, so everyone working on it (a whole 3 people) knows to TEST THEIR SHIT BEFORE MERGING TO MASTER.)
WHY EVEN BOTHER WITH THE PULL REQUEST IF YOU WERE GOING TO MERGE TO MASTER YOURSELF ANYWAY??!??!??
My frustration cannot be properly conveyed through text, but let's just say this guy's been there a week, I already didn't like him, and then he fucking does this. -
Me : .. but sir without sass/js compiled, how can we address the issue?
Boss : that is not an issue, issue is with on approach we have taken?
You sick fuck, you take other developers un-finished work, expect me to finish it (which it did) and when the other developer is not smart enough to copy paste the solution, you give an "update" to me, I mean how the fuck, what ever..
I really really put efforts to make this shit happen, I know very little about your commerce cloud shit, but when you question my logic on basis of someone who will pay you to finish her work, it is very unethical and hard to swallow it down.
Maybe this is my first real job, that is why this is so hard, but I gotta do what I gotta do -
Looks like there are new horribly regurgitated packages in python nowadays which somehow my boss keeps finding I don't know how , which have shorter commands that take more and more time to run because they are just attaching these smaller tags to bigger tags and so on.
And my boss doesn't understand that there's such a thing called as overhead time ffs and it takes the same fucking time to run that same shit and maybe more because the new packages don't have a proper fucking API.2 -
For me, biggest influence have been my bosses.
One of them mailed me that my work was shit and he was cutting my pay while I was far off with my father post surgery and battling a terminal illness.
The other one gave me an offer while I fired my previous boss from the job of being my boss. He also knew the exact reason for my switch. That taught me a lot on what kind of person/programmer I want to be. -
After working for a startup for 70 hours a week that taught me everything. The place was fun but lacked all the processes. But the boss eas awesome and taught me a shit a loads.
Things started geeting veryvslow so the start up is on lause right now. Anyhow... I ended up finding a job in a really undynamic city where i live where a prettysucesful and growing company just moved to.
Scrum on point, every one is cool, tasks are well established, git processes are freaking awesome and i could go on and on. 2nd week in i thank my old boss for being so precise and annoying on some very specific things because im rocking my first real it job thanks to him.
It feels good ;) -
!Question
I see lots of rants here of bosses/clients screaming, imposing their authority, making people work during the night, weekends etc. Is it that common?
In my actual job, the few times my boss screamed to me, I was about "fuck this shit, I'll just do what he wants and go home at the right time. If they don't like it, just fire me. And laught silently when things goes wrong".
I've been afraid to get into the developer area and always be stressed out with too much work to do, people screaming and having to work on weekends.3 -
>start new job, not very professionally experienced dev
>spend couple of months working on a feature that is supposed to be an MVP kind of thing, be rushed to finish and told to cut corners because it's "just an MVP", still lose sleep and have relationship suffer (and ultimately ruined) as I try to not lose deadlines created by the boss with questions like "you can have this done by <very soon>, right?"
>frontend created by fellow developer is a garbled mess of repeated code and questionably implemented subpages, frontend dev apparently copies CSS from Figma and pastes it into new non-reusable React components as envisioned by designer, I am tasked with making sense of the mess and adding in API consumption, when questioning boss what to do with the mess I am often told to discard stuff that the frontend dev has made and just reuse his styling; all of this on top of implementing the backend feature that a previous developer wasn't able to do
>specs change along the way, I had been using a library as a helper in some part of the original feature, now the boss sees that and (without further testing the library) promises CEO that we'll add that as a separate subfeature, but the performance of the library is garbage for larger inputs and causes problems, is basically shit that might not have been shit if we had implemented it ourselves, however at this point CEO has promised new feature to some customers, all the actual sense of responsibility falls upon my hands
>marketing folk see halfway done application and ask for more changes
>everything is rushed to launch, plenty of things aren't implemented or are done halfway
>while I'm waiting for boss to deploy, I'm called up to company office by CEO, and get new task that is pretty cool and will actually involve assessing various algorithms and experiment with them, rather than just stitching API calls and endpoints together, it involves delving into a whole new field of CS that I never had the opportunity to delve into before
>start working on cool task, doing research, making good progress
>boss finally deploys feature I had been originally implementing
>cut corners of original boring insane feature start showing up, now I have to start fixing them instead of working on cool task, however the cool task also has a deadline which is likely expected to be met
I'm not sure if I'm having it bad or not, is this what a whole career in software development will look like?6 -
During a stand up meeting, boss turns up to us and says: "Who can stay later today?" Many hands rise. Turns up to new dude, who isn't performing that well: "that performance report automation, it is due tomorrow now. Fuck it. Get it done." Left at 21:30 from the office with an MVP but I usually arrive at 7:00 so I was fucking exhausted. Now, my question is: who am I supposed to be pissed off? The boss who went apeshit on the new dude or the new dude that isn't getting shit done?4
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Well... I'm in apprenticeship, and the company I work for asked me to do insanely complicated algorithms about paid leaves and stuff (Oh and I'm in France so you get the mess about leaves). And I don't understand shit about that ! About TOIL ! I mean, I'm still in school goddammit ! Oh and I said to my boss : "Yeah, wow, that seems complicated to code" and he said : "Yup, have fun". So even him, knowing everything about that shit knows that it's hard af ! I'm currently dying of death and my brain is melting.
PS : Here's a rare gif of me reacting about what I need to code3 -
The more I look back on it, the more I really see that this job has really thrown me to the wolves time and time again, only to laugh as I come back beaten and bruised.
They’ve given me objectives that were deceptively broad, no guidance, and then misguidance when I came back with a well researched opinion. They wanted me to estimate large projects without having worked on a large project. Plus, college leaves out the huge part of software work: deployment. I had to figure all that out on my own too.
The more I look back on it the more I see this place has been a complete shit show from the beginning. It was just the first job I didn’t have to do manual labor at so I valued it highly.
It’s time to move on to somewhere I’m not the constant scapegoat. -
A key component of being great developer is to have shit proof skin, no matter what boss/client/co worker throws at you it wont get under your skin and you keep being amazing
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Worst documentation experience: reading an 500+ page ISA document where the author (a so-called computer architect) kept confusing the term 'op-code,' and 'instruction.' When I asked for a consistent definition he flamed the shit out of me. My boss sided with him.
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When you play on lagacy shit spaghetti monster code with a fucking ass crack boss don't understand anything and bullshit you (yaya that code is perfect) !
I just want to drop that fucking job full of shit
Week 2 😂🤣😭 8 months come2 -
oh shit oh shit oh shit...
Do to my horrible anxiety about covid-19 I have not been calling into stands up in the last 2 weeks or doing much work.
My boss just messaged asking if everything is okay.
First msg I said yes and sorry was having techinal difficulty.
Then I msged him back saying it would better if we talked. I can see he is on a conference call so no response.
Should I be honest or list fake technical reasons?
He is pretty cool boss but only been there since October.11 -
I don't know what but our customers have put new terms in our contacts. That essentially make us liable if we don't take certain measure to protect the access to stuff.
To me that means I have to log out of my computer whenever I leave my seat. I was told its not necessary if I go to toilet. So I set the computer to require login after 15 min of not doing shit. Usually I remember that and log out manually so that's just precautions measure.
Today before I got lunch, I forgot. And my boss happened to notice my computer was on within that 15 min after I left.
I got a warning.
Fuck this shit. I now set th timer to 1 min.
Now I need to login again and again if I'm reading docs or article.
Fucking shit.2 -
When you discover a rather big security flaw in a mate code and your boss tell you that he might fix it for "version 2", for now we are good. Wtf, we are just hurting ourselves if this shit gets discovered by some other guy.
We are developing an android app for management and selling, for other company and we are a litte short in time for finishing the first version, but fuck, its a big security flaw. -
Being in a situation at work where 50% of my time I can work on really exciting new Laravel projects where I got free hands on everything technical. Enjoying this very much. The other 50% is fixing existing broken wordpress sites with like 5 billion plugins. Want to shoot my fucking head off doing this shit, need to convince my boss to hire someone else just for the wp shit
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Had a boss that was not going to let me keep our original data around as a backup, because they said "if you're that convinced that we need the backup around then you must not write very good software". In short, their way of saying I must be a shit developer if I want backups.
Nah bro we keep backups because there's bound to be fuckups, I'm trying to plan, not play petty mind games and stroke your ego. -
Why the fuck do I have to complete situational strength tests related to commercial shit when I'm applying for a Software Developer role? What the fuck is up with companies nowadays? This is why it's a good idea to be your own boss and either do freelance or make your own brand, because these interviewers know jack shit about technology and software and you cannot express your passion nor your knowledge. I'm sick of how bad the employment process is for software developers who are looking for jobs after graduation.
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If you really wanna avoid being stuck .. make sure a hot coffee gets spilled on your boss right before an important discussion ,so that you can keep his/her shit at bay
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Im trying my BEST to not be judgemental about my boss but damn the code's shit
It's written how a 1st year UGrad would, trying to add as many complicated shits to it as they can to show "see? I know this obscure way of writing code, cool eh"
Like they're ticking off a rubrics
There is no design language, barely any structure. MVC's Controllers go beyond 2.5k lines.
Everything is an Interface but with such horribly designed code, they just add on to the clutter
Oh and it somehow also uses ReactJS inside .cshtml, which was already out of fashion A DECADE AGO. -
I am done with NetBeans! This damn fucking stupid shit of software 😤. PhpStorm let me feel I am in heaven 😍.
Today I have setuped new system. Pray for convincing my boss to fork some license for me within the next 30 days 🙏🙏🙏.1 -
Uber drunk and have to get up in 3 hours for lots of meetings hooray 😵. Anyways, my boss saved my from my hell scape of a team that I was on an now I actually feel like I can contribute. Fuck anyone who tells me how to design shit. I’m really good at making stuff good - and anyone who says different is a fucking idiot.5
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So I'm assigned once again to fix a new someone else created and that seems to be the case whenever there's an issue...
Boss just assigns it to whoever is most likely to be able to investigate it... which is basically me. Other than the little time I can use to develop stuff, I'm usually cleaning up other people's messes.
And these other people are to busy working on new crap to properly explain how their existing code/processes/changes works.
And well the fact that anything breaks in production (that's not due to upstream one off issues) whoever does not think he needs to take responsibility for it.
So everyone else and especially me has to spend time understanding the shit they wrote and fixing it for them.
How do I tell my boss this nicely that we need clearly definitely ownership and whenever a component blows up in prod, the guy that wrote the code fixes it no matter what? Thereby incentivizing him to not write shit code in the first place and be more proactive in making sure it doesn't in the first place since he knows otherwise he's doing overtime to fix it?
Is it just me or is there really no such thing as a dev job where something doesn't blow up due to poorly tested and designed code every other day?3 -
Back in time i was monitoring an asterisk server on a friday night. Usually it's monitoring cli is a calm terminal with infos and periodic notifications. On a random check i saw about a KM length red shit / blue shit. As it turned out my boss was using the password 2500 with the same username on a fucking SIP server and while watching football (heard from the voice logs) some romanian script kiddie's brute force script fucked it up. The journey wasn't stopped here. Next step was to them to foreach some calls with high rates to their own special phone number on about 30-50 lines. The first step was to stop the service but because it is a nice app it wont stop till you have an active call, took about 5 mins to realise it . Had to kill it a few times until it gave up. That was the moment when the 'now they are gonna fire me' feel kicked in. Do not use weakass passwords kids!
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How to get through tough dev days?
Cursing, lots and lots of cursing. Cursing your boss, cursing at your boss, cursing at your (deserving) coworkers, and cursing life, the universe and whoever invented this fucking shit!1 -
I'm in middle of fucking moronic, most incomprehensible situation.
So primarily I work for a project which requires Node 6.11.5 precisely and now I've been assigned another developer's half asses'd work without any documentation about how to set up gulp, long story it took me a week to figure out it's an ant build with node dependencies oh and I nearly forgot this developer is using node 0.12.1, Can you fucking believe that?
Now when I'll need to compile/build for primary project i'll need to reinstall 6.11.5 and god knows what will happen when and if that half asses'd project comes back
This idiot has style.css / style.ie.css / style.min.css in .gitignore so every time I pull I'll need to re-build oh and the worst part I spend my weekend fixing this shit then sass compiled and shit is still crazy, CSS is written from SASS but not reflecting on server ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
While I'm writing this I'm waiting on my boss who is also trying to fix this. -
Don't even know how to start. I currently work as technician (fix broken shit devices like apple and manage our servers).
Before the rant, here's a note: I'm a newbie-ish something.. Like I do some Java and Android stuff but nothing amazing (yet).
Here's my rant:
Boss: Hey, you mentioned in your CV that you do some programming.
Me: Yep, but just starting. Already made few apps but nothing crazy big.
Boss: Well, doesn't really matter. But, can you make an app and a website for us? We'll decide on the budget later.
Me: *kinda suspicious* Ehm, yep? I'll just make a wireframe and show you what I came up with.
*few weeks later*
Boss: So how's the app doing?
Me: I told ya that I'm making only wireframe. If you want the app you can:
a) pay for it
b) don't do anything and I'll make it open-source
Boss: No don't do that. We want the source on our FTP server.
Me: Riiight... That's a big no-no for me. It's gonna be on VCS, otherwise you can forget about the app and web.
Boss: *staring silently at me*
Me: ...
To this day, not a single response from him. We had one meeting where I presented the Website and app design, everyone was ok with it but no answer when I asked about the budget. Should I just scrap these projects and continue making them on github ('cuz I kinda like to learn new shit this way)5 -
Dear fellow ranters, what do you guys do to stay motivated while developing projects?
I've recently figured out that whenever I'm developing on a large project I get side tracked a lot and eventually lose motivation to continue on it. A couple of possible reasons are:
- a jerk faced incompetent client who makes unreasonable requests
- redundancy in features that will hardly ever be used but are a must according to the bullwhack of a boss
- front-end dev on some design which looks like a shit pit of vomit and puss due to having no designer or someone more competent in it
There are plenty of reasons left to be named but those are my biggest.1 -
i'm new to coding, and today my boss (i'm a scholar btw, not getting paid shit), asked me to review his VB net app... it was a total mess that i wish i could show, but intellectual property exists...xD
is it just the language or should i quit? i want to do it already.4 -
Today, me and my boss finally made an SDK work properly on power android and iOS project. This was one though week and a half.
Now the rant part. This took us 1 week and a half because the documentation wasn't entirely correct. The worst, and for me the most irritating part, is the fact that my boss had to be on the telephone with his contact of the other company (the one behind the SDK) only in the end to hear his contact talking to.one of their developers about the flow of the communication.
Long story short, after getting the result from the SDK, we should use that information in another service that's not specified the documentation!!!!
The most annoying is when my bosses contact said to the dev that the service wasn't in the docs, his response was
"One thing is the documentation, the other is real life"
Fuck you, you dev piece of shit, you've wasted over a week of my life trying to make something work following your shitty docs!!!! -
So my boss moved me to build some software to IoT devices we have because he didn't have the time to do it. But I haven't used C since college (I mostly use Java), but I'm trying to handle it. But right now we are developing a feature that is taking longer than expected and he comes over and tells me how easy it is to do it. Really? You were trying to do it that way for a shit ton of time and it didn't work, do you really expect it to work because it's me? Fucking hell!
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Had one of my spookiest meetings today. Mr git master still had the dailies in the calendar, but he's the scrum master without a scrum and I was the only one to join. Some bitter remarks alluded to the fight with my boss, but otherwise he was mostly going on about how we should build a docker container to automatically build our build system and how to achieve this perfection in his previous company they needed three month - while our current project is already due in December including testing. I don't know.. still - theoretically he seems to know his stuff, but in the end you have to compile shit and make it fly, or at least not let it drown to heavily.
Anyway, awkward silence setting in, when he's still talking on and my boss enters the meeting room. Some heavy sand in the works.
Should I rejoice like them?
https://youtube.com/watch/... -
First day at the new building during my Monday hospital IT job. My boss went on about opening portals in time, aliens, all kinds of shit, then I get a call, "hey, we need help carrying a body to the morgue, get up here", turns out i'm lookout and forward-runner (lookout to keep patients away from the room during cart loadup, forward runner for doors)
I hate Mondays...4 -
Its normal if i drop some eyedrop at my new job ? My boss don't know anything of is network ... Cannot help me with noting no code no net... All the code is done already is a deep shit full of breach im fucking solo in a room face a brick wall no window ! Can i stay for 10 month at this place ?
Need to coding but have no cluse how to connect to a fucking database no user no password ...
Its the fucking hell here 👿😢3 -
Just remembered about that one time when my former boss wanted to talk about the requests we received from a particular client and asked to have all the mail exchanges during the last 3 months or so.
I forwarded all those mails to him, to which he answered "nononono, I want them on paper for the meeting".
I shit you not, he had me print something like 30 pages of emails, signatures and all, no fucks given, just to toss them in the trash 30 minutes later.1 -
SQA here.
What do you even do when dev, other senior QA, your boss and management all give conflicting requirements for a big milestone planning while still ramping up?
My instinct tells me to do what my boss and dev tells me and to come up with the solution that makes the most sense.
No we don't have a product owner ffs. It's like a bizarre waterfall scheme. I have figure out this on my own and hope I made no big mistakes because the ones with the knowledge are unavailable to help. Been thrown in this shit and it's been 3 months I work here. I am honestly trying my best to filter the best out of this.4 -
Today, my boss comes up to me to tell me that the CR he had me set up was not created by the release manager because there wasn't a QA test ticket or DBA review ticket. Look, if you're gonna shoot shit down without any bullets loaded, at least have the safety off because you had 3 hours on Friday to tell me that before leaving it to Monday morning when my head is hotter than the roast I'm sippin' on.
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I could slack around all the time and then switch to "the devil" mode in the last week. Oh and I could use mumbo jumbo words to confuse the shit outta my clients(and boss). Plus I could automate maintenance job and get so much time at 'hand'(quite literally)
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So........ My employer want me and another senior to complete 2 mobile applications on Qualcomm's CSRMESH both in Android (Java) and iOS (must use objective-c) to complete in 3 months time with 198 complex functionality. Some of them are hidden features(employer want us to find out our self) (this app is from Hong Kong)
The problem is , the library is shit and the sample code is messy. CSR still use Grade 2.1.1 for the project. Boss want us a new UI for the app, I should not code it but design it first in figma, because boss keep changing things from second to second.8 -
Fuck! This shit is driving me crazy! I'm working day and night without any break just because my boss wants everything done yesterday. And even if I complete the project, there's always something more to do. It feels like I'm stuck in a hamster wheel that never stops spinning. Fuck this fucking fucked up situation! I need some goddamn sleep!3
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A FuckFace guy today did this
FuckFace and I both hate Apple
FuckFace hates Apple blindly and hates everything related to Apple and can't even justify shit
I hate Apple for their stupid decisions
Then we meet a guy who is a friend of our boss I started to tell him how I don't like apple and I leave the conversation
FuckFace enters the conversation stupidly makes some fucking stupid comments make the other guy angry and now our boss is telling us shit about how we should not do this and not do fucking that
I had nothing to do with this shit I am gonna stab FuckFace tomorrow
So in our CS community specially from where I come from ($ecurity) people, we have long debate about how Linux is superior from those Mac and other Apple line ups
I mean I use Linux everyday as my primary OS for CTF for coding and basically everything.
But can we fucking for once acknowledge that Mac people have better UI than us?
Like go to the gnome theme store for god sake we have fucking top 10 filled with various kinds of flavors of apple UI from icons of la capitaine to mc cruise gtk3 themes
But still people blindly hate everything about apple
I mean I hate their overpriced ass and other stuff too but the UI IS SAUCE
Linux peeps no hate though
Apple peeps you guys are going to tangle in your dongle's one day 😊9 -
Don't have a manger/boss/mentor. Please give me an advice (coding/best practices, no 'life is to be lived' shit) which will help me in the long run.. Thank you..4
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Hey guys, need your advice please.
In september Last year I've started my apprenticeship. Before that I made a year internship and developed a Software for them.
After I've left the internship, my Old Boss (Boss from internship) asked me if I can support the Software a while. So, I set Up a git, made it available in github, but private (had to paid for it - from my own Money). After not hearing something from him - He didn't understood how He Can Log in Into GitHub -.- WTF ! I wrote him multiple instructions but it was useless.
Because I don't have the desire and patience anymore - and don't want to pay with my own Money to Make it available for them - pay for something they can't even Login because they are ... Yeah.. I've decided to cancel the membership in github some weeks ago.
Today my Old Boss contacted me via E-Mail, after not hearing something from him in months.
Now I don't know how to react - He wants that I Code for him, the Software again.
on the one Hand I don't want to "leave him alone" but on the other hand I don't want to Support this Shit anymore.
What should I do?
At least I want to get paid for my Work. But I don't know, if this is legal to earn Money next to your apprenticeship. My current Boss Said one time that this would be No Problem, but I'm not sure about it.
Would be glad about any help and advice from you.
Thanks.3 -
What do you guys consider as toxic work environment in dev world?
I havent had a toxic one by now (or i cant recognize how toxic environment looks like)
But i feel like i sharpened my dick so good that no one would be able to spread toxicity onto me. Im like a bee 🐝 sting me once first and you'll get stung twice as much harder. No one would be able to fuck with me especially women
Dont give a shit if ur a dev manager hr boss or God. Disrespect me first and watch me do karma back to you immediately15 -
My boss, Business people call dev code monkey bec they act as money is shown, like monkey likes banana! Dances Which is kinda wired like what they think we are (felt like shit)3
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I hate it when I'm knee deep in projects that need to be done before the new CI strategy starts two avoid a three week long full test every two weeks and then my dear boss comes up with having me do the planning for the next testphase while my coworker is scrolling through 9gag. I mean, sorry old man but either I automate this monstrosity of thirty million layers of 'naturally grown', ill documented, identifier lackimg piece of shit or I can do the fucking schedule. My mother isn't an octopus, i've got only two arms...
Tl;dr: Why do non programmers always heavily underestimate the time shit needs to get done? -
Optics matter. You could be doing a shit job (as a developer), but if you keep up the good optics with the boss, agreeing to build a calculus app in the future, even though the multiplication api you are currently working on keeps throwing error, you'll look good.2