Sneak: 100

My smart watch just reminded me to get my lazy ass out of my chair and move some.
I picked up my coffee cup, drank a sip.
That satisfied it.
Lazyness : 1 - Technology: 0

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

Everything ready, let's start building!

6 char

😑

Recently made an account on Instagram.
Uploaded two pics
Deleted both of them
Now I've -2 posts

Freefilesyncs installer made my day.

hahaha

Best error message ever seen

Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

When I try to motivate/advice someone and they still go on sad

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

Meeting with asshole partner company CEO at restaurant.

Me: "I'm a bit worried about the bugs in your API. There are some ways to retrieve privacy sensitive info from public endpoints"

CEO: "Well, we're a rapidly growing startup!"

Me: "Uh... so?"

CEO: "So... Move Fast and Break Things! Priority is to improve our API further, and we'll fix bugs as they show up"

Me: "Maybe you should stop trying to emulate Zuckerberg in your management style. You know that even Facebook themselves admitted that their slogan was a retarded mistake"

Waiter shows up at table. CEO orders some overly expensive fish salad.

CEO: "Well, they have done something right... they're worth billions"

Waiter asks me: "And you sir, have you made your choice?"

Me: "Do you serve popcorn?"

CEO: "Popcorn for lunch?"

Me: "No, for your congressional hearing"

New kid came to me in my break (while I was playing LoL) saying I should start coding (he had no clue what my role within the company is).
Said that if I won't get a career in league, I could just (as if it's done in a few minutes) learn coding and make a website with thousands of users (as if that is just done like 1 2 3).
Then with a big grin on his face he proceeded to say "if you ever have some issues with making websites, I could just come to him and he can teach me the basics of Javascript, HTML, CSS and PHP".
So I said: "and who are you?"
He told me his name and what he is going to do within the company.
So I said with a big grin on my face: "Ah, so you're the new kid the boss told me about, nice to meet you, from today on, I'll be your Senior."
I then saw his big grin disappear
then with a big smile on my face I proceeded to say: "If you ever have some issues, please come to see me and I'll be happy to teach you the basics of Javascript, HTML, PHP and CSS"

Then he walked away :^)

My wife came home from her baby shower with this onesie. It made me so happy.

I think Linux is indeed Userfriendly, there are just Users which aren't Computerfriendly.

If you start your npm install script at exactly 11:52:04 on New Year's eve, it will finish at exactly midnight.

Start off your 2019 right.

...this

Friend: What is your New Year's resolution??

Me: 7680×4320

Friend: Stupid Nerd. *Walks aways*

Found this while doing some random googling 😂

(Me using the CMD in class)

Schoolmate: What are you doing?

Me: Using the CMD, it makes stuff really easier.

Schoolmate(loudly): *MY NAME* is hacking the schooooool.

Ignorant idiots now I am not allowed to use my laptop in class anymore.

I don’t need sex because C++ fucks me everyday

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

What if Doctors are treated as developers?

Dear Skype,

I don't eject my USB sticks properly

pshht 🤫😄

Life saver

Microsoft support: "Your antivirus software is causing problems with the memory management."

Me: "I use Windows defender"

Microsoft support: "Oh..."

Me: 🙃