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Uncle: "It must be noisy, programming. I've seen a datacenter on TV, and those computers are loud" — "It is noisy, but that's more my coworkers fault"
Sales guy at the office: "So you see patterns in the code, you can read this cryptic mess?" — "Uh this is PHP, Its not the syntax that makes it hard to read, it's the dimwit who wrote it"
Father-in-law: "Could you reprogram my laptop, I got a virus trying to download por... nature documentaries" — "I'm not that kind of doctor"
Mother-in-law: "How will you sustain a family, you just play video games all day" — "I make your monthly teachers salary in four days"
Girlfriend: "I learned some Lua today because I needed a world of warcraft extension for..." — "I love you too"27
Manager: “We need you to stay in the room and not go outside to make personal calls on your mobile.”
Me: “uhmm okaaaay...”
*I get a call* “Yeah, I called about making a doctor appointment....my symptoms? Ummmm...*lowers voice to say it but everyone still hears...totally embarrassing*
Same manager, later, at performance review: “We found it highly inappropriate for you to be talking about your personal medical issues on the phone in front of everyone in the office.”16
My girlfriend always takes pics of me coding saying it looks beautiful lol... I once told her that code is like a beautiful woman who is sick and you're the doctor and can't figure out what's wrong and occasionally ask your rubber duck for help...24
Back in the days...
Parents: get off that computer it will get you nowhere in life!
Me:But im programming not playing games..I want to become a programmer...
Parents:programming or games it's all the same! Take an example of your sister who actually achieved something with her studies (she's a doctor)
Me today asa computer engineer...receiving paycheck higher than my sister who is a doctor and not to mention I got a car of the company and living very comfortably.
Parents can't believe it.
Moral of the story: never let anyone tell you what to do. Keep doing what you truly love and get real good at it!😉13
If programmers were doctors.
Doctor A: the patient is having heart attack
Doctor B: we have to reproduce the heart attack to be able to heal him
Doctor C: why dont we just remove the hesrt and install a new heart
Doctor D: human heart are bad, maybe we should use animal heart22
People going to the doctor: "I'm sick, and here are all my symptoms in detail."
People who have a problem with their cars: "My car don't work, here's everything I've noticed"
People who have a problem with computers: "COMPUTER DO NOT WORK, THANK YOU"
First internship (ranted about it before).
- Had to google translate their entire internal crm.
- pointed out major security flaws and got a speech saying that "I shouldn't think so high of myself and I didn't have the fucking right to criticize their products"
- every time the boss came to the office after a failed sales presentation, we (interns) got called the most nasty stuff. Yes. We didn't have anything to do with that at all.
- I had "hygiene issues": window to the south with 35-40 degrees (Celsius) feeling temperature and no airco. Deo didn't really make a difference but wasn't allowed to use it there anyways. Details: I have a transpiration issue so I sweat shitloads more than other people, that didn't help at all.
- nearly got fired because I had to to to the doctor in company time for a serious health issue.
- was (no kidding) REQUIRES to use internet explorer and we were monitored constantly.
Self esteem dropped through the fucking ground there.15
So Last year December my cousin see's me making a basic 3D game in Unity and says he wants to do programming.
Me: No, you don't want that. Become a doctor like your parents want you two.
Him: I'll do it.
Me: Ok. If you want to suffer, i'll teach you some basic C#
Me: *Shows him basic C# code in visual studio*
Him: *Not paying attention* Cool. When can i make games?
Me: That's not how this works. Where do you intend to study?
Me: You better get your ass infront of that fucken computer, google and youtube the shit out of you, matter of fact i'll get you a shit bucket so you don't have to get up.
Him: I don't have to go so hard now, i'm only 16.
Me: *Facepalm* That's why you have to do this now.
...7 months later...
Me: Show me how you make a basic calculator application.
Him: I don't know how to do that, you didn't show me.
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: You're screwed *still laughing*
Don't get me wrong. He's a smart kid. Just needs to fucken do something if he wants his goal.13
Was writing a first product for my best friend and my first company/startup. (that one is on hold now by the way).
Spent about a month doing a full-time internship and also programming after that the entire day. Weekends full of programming as well and after a few weeks I noticed that when turning around/walking quickly, I lost my balance.
Went to the doctor who immediately asked if I worked loads and loads to which I answered yes.
He took a look at my daily patterns in general and then told me that I was having a thing which you were only supposed to get at old age and that I was heading towards a burnout because my body was highly not used to/ready for this.
Continued for a little and people started asking why I looked so white (my face lost color) and unhealthy.
Started to take care of myself and voilà, within weeks I was getting better :)6
Devs regularly complain that our skills are not valued enough and that people think what we do is easy.
But, we don't really help the cause when we run around casually claiming to be "full stack" and not turning down work that clearly isn't in our area of competence.
We act more like Victorian amateur scientists.
Every seen a "full stack" doctor when you go to hospital? "Brain to feet---I can do it all."
OK, we have general practitioners, but they are really the BAs of the medical world. When it comes to getting into the weed, everyone specializes.
Full stack lawyer? "Hey, you did an excellent job of dealing with my house purchase. I've just been accused of murder. Can you represent me?"
While we continue to say that we can provide a high quality "full stack" experience I think we are signaling that this stuff *is* easy.25
There’s a fundamental difference between development and other jobs.
Doctor: Hey! My left arm is hurting and has been swollen for a while, I think it might be sprained. *pays $100*
Taxi Driver: Hey! Can you ride me over to this exact address? Thanks. *pays $20 + tip*
Construction Worker: I’m going to need this exact item in the blueprint built here with these materials. *pays $1000*
Mechanic: This part of my car isn’t working correct and it displays this exact warning. *pays $100*
Developer: Yo I need a cool free website that looks pretty awesome with like rainbows and stuff by tomorrow.18
When you go to a doctor and he starts to google your symptoms in front of you and reads you texts from wikipedia page of the disease he assumes you have, then writes you a prescription for some random meds.
Maybe he was a dev before.5
It seems like every other day I run into some post/tweet/article about people whining about having the imposter syndrome. It seems like no other profession (except maybe acting) is filled with people like this.
Well lemme answer that question for you lot.
YES YOU ARE A BLOODY IMPOSTER.
There. I said it. BUT.
Know that you're already a step up from those clowns that talk a lot but say nothing of substance.
You're better than the rockstar dev that "understands" the entire codebase because s/he is the freaking moron that created that convoluted nonsensical pile of shit in the first place.
You're better than that person who thinks knowing nothing is fine. It's just a job and a pay cheque.
The main question is, what the flying fuck are you going to do about being an imposter? Whine about it on twtr/fb/medium? HOW ABOUT YOU GO LEARN SOMETHING BEYOND FRAMEWORKS OR MAKING DUMB CRUD WEBSITES WITH COLOR CHANGING BUTTONS.
Computers are hard. Did you expect to spend 1 year studying random things and waltz into the field as a fucking expert? FUCK YOU. How about you let a "doctor" who taught himself medicine for 1 year do your open heart surgery?
Learn how a godamn computer actually works. Do you expect your doctors and surgeons to be ignorant of how the body works? If you aspire to be a professional WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STAY AT THE SURFACE.
Go learn about Compilers, complete projects with low level languages like C / Rust (protip: stay away from C++, Java doesn't count), read up on CPU architecture, to name a few topics.
Then, after learning how your computers work, you can start learning functional programming and appreciate the tradeoffs it makes. Or go learn AI/ML/DS. But preferably not before.
Basically, it's fine if you were never formally taught. Get yourself schooled, quit bitching, and be patient. It's ok to be stupid, but it's not ok to stay stupid forever.
At a busy restaurant.
Person 1: oh my God this man here is having a heart attack. Is there a doctor here?
Person 2: here's ten reasons why Kotlin is better than Java for Android development5
Day before easter holidays, a few years ago. It was evening and almost everyone had gone home. I finished a task, and immediately set off to do the next one, stressed as fuck, as usual. One colleague was left at the office, who asked me to at least eat something before I continued. I said I didn't have time, but after some negotiations sat down at the table, and realized I couldn't physically move the fork to my mouth.
I was having a panic attack. My colleague helped me with breathing excercises, gave me some pills and when I started to calm down a little, I said I'd better go back to work.
"No", she responsed, "we're going to the emergency"
I refused, since I had work to do, but she told me that I needed a person in a white lab coat to tell me that I shouldn't work for a while.
We went. The doctor gave me 3 weeks of sick leave, where I learnt a new word: No.
I thank the universe for not letting me get burnt out. I'm thankful for that amazing colleague.
I now work without stress, doing one thing at a time and saying no when my body says no.11
Every job description out there:
" JUNIOR XY position.
Requirements: 50 years experience of Assembly, Java and Masonry, HTML, cloud based computing and artificial intelligence. Must be able to write algorithms like Hummingbird. Fluent in English, Mandarin and Latin. Must have five doctor and two Bachelor degrees. Experience in leading a Fortune 500 company benefitial.
Renumeration: 5 rice grains"6
When I quit my previous job, they hired 3 guys to replace me. One of them was a swedish guy that was completely useless. He lived in another part of the country, and our manager and a senior dev flew him in and interviewed him at the airport. That was obviously not sufficient.
I got tasked with helping him get started. The code base seen in retrospect sucked really hard, but he got the simplest tasks at first. One time he needed to add a checkbox to a form, and do something different in the BL when that box was checked. I showed him where in the code he needed to do the change, and let him on his own. 1 hour later he asked again. He hadn't even been able to place the if-statement. Omg.
I told our manager that they really should get rid of this guy, since he isn't qualified to be a developer. They didn't listen.
In Norway we have a 6 month test period where it's easier to let someone go. After that, it's quite hard to fire someone.
After a while I talked to a old colleague of mine, and they had finally been able to get rid of him. That had taken months. When he was told that he had to improve, he went to the doctor and got a sick leave. You can't fire someone on sick leave.. Finally he got the option of resigning himself, or being fired. He chose the first option..
He should have been transferred to sales. If he could sell himself as a developer, he could sell anything to anyone... :D2
A while ago the company I'm working for had this independent designer on contract so I was assigned to set up his workstation. Brand new pc dual monitor Photoshop license gaming keyboard and mouse cause "the lights kept him focused". We're talking about a 2000€+ machine and tools. I don't know exactly what that wanted him to do as I didn't ask. Who cares. The best part is below.
So I set up his things and all and make him a shortcut to the file server on his desktop. I then proceed to explain to him that this server has the files of every dpt in the company and told him where he could find his.
His only response was when he asked "how about my internet access?"
Me: everything except some "very certain sites"
He: Eeeehh well I kinda need those. Just give me access, I won't tell anyone.
Me: Sorry sir, I cannot do that company policy.
He: I'm telling you I need the access, I'm not kidding.
Me: Ok sir, if you really need it, open a ticket to the admin and if you explain your reasons I'm sure you will come to an agreement.
He: That's bullshit kid, if you won't do it I'm gonna report you for denial of service and do it myself.
Me just nodding and walking away: You do that sir.
So ofc I went and informed the admin that this guy might pull something.
Soon enough, a few weeks later the admin calls me over to his desk and points at the screen trying not to burst in laughter.
The guy (designer) brought an HDD and filled his folder on the server with porn. We're talking about 200gb or something.
When confronted he said something about severe anxiety and that porn was his way of calming down. Some guys told me my name came up in the VPs office but after the "evidence" nothing really happened except his contract getting terminated.
I think we learned something that day. Don't jerk off in the office guys :)10
I used to work in a call center for a local hospital.
One night, all of our lines are swamped. Literally no time for a break between phone calls, +15 minute wait times. I answer the next call:
Me: "Its a marvelous Monday at AskIT, how may I help you?"
Doctor: "This is Dr. [Noone Care]. I need you to fix my password now."
Me: "Absolutely! You should be able to enter a new password now."
Doctor: "MY HANDS ARE NOT FOR PASSWORDS, MY HANDS ARE FOR SURGERY!"
😩 So glad I don't work for doctors anymore. Oh and the best part is, he had selected the general phone queue, rather than the doctor queue (~3 minute wait time instead).7
Me and my wife are expecting a son soon, given her situation i was with her to the gynecologist...
He received us but i guess he was embarrased to ask to examine her while i was there, so conversation begins:
Doctor: "So... what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a programmer"
Doctor: "So, when a customer says there is some bug you need to take a look at the code to see whats up"
So yeah... someone compared us with the gynecologist :D
I mean... fiddling with my wifes coochie is one thing, but comparing my code with vaginas is the line i can't cross :D12
Yeah Mozilla fuck merit and fuck you too!
This, this is what I was talking about when the fucking CoC came out and everyone (including it's author) started it using it as a political weapon.
You castrated fucking virgins! Mozilla, I want to support you I really don't like chrome but you always manage to disappoint everyone. I'm tired, tired of you morally superior socialists infecting my fucking workplace, entertainment and news.
This is just an excuse for lazy assholes to have their cake and eat it too and it's damn fucking INSULTING to us "minorities", I can work to get nice things just like anyone else bitch! having another skin color is not a disability!
Worst of all, you seem to have straight out millennial retards making these decisions seeing as it's based on an article from a washed up "gender research" professor that thinks Barbie Doctor is problematic, the most biased and dumb source you can possibly pull out of your ass.
Two classmates were murdered this morning, do you really think we care about what your diversity and inclusion Dept thinks it's problematic? You delusional halfwits, the only comforting thought is that your soft bigotry will perish alongside your product when it inevitably diminishes it's quality for sake of "equality".
Want to make better products? Ditch your useless diversity and inclusion department and start optimizing the memory consumption on firefox.
Want to help minorities? Start paying your outsourced developers decently.
I hope this helps people who thought including politics in software development wouldn't have dire consecuences to open their eyes; if not, oh well I guess people will get it when mozilla keeps going down the drain and they get fired because they just outsourced their work in the name of "diversity" just to save money.
_An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle._
_Suddenly he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums_....!
_The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running_."
_The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said_
_I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . can you_ ???
👌👏 *Not only Classic but Epic*_ 😂😂👍9
When you're so many fucking multi-dimensional arrays deep. You don't even know where the fuck you are anymore and you just wish you had been a doctor instead.4
About a year ago, while giving interview for a pharmaceutical company. (role of software developer)
Interviewer : So why do you want to join X?
Me (in mind) : (Ok, be calm, I have practiced this and i know what to answer, just follo tbe script)
Me : (Following the script) I would like to join X because I think X could give me exposure to meet people with various skills. (Cant remember what was next) And i also think working in X would make my father proud as he always wanted me to become a Doctor.
After that I just sat there for a few seconds staring at desk contemplating my life failures and I suddenly remember Im in a INTERVIEW.
Me : And thats it. (smiling as if nothing happened)
Worst Interview ever.2
I've been coding for the last 19 Hours (not including break), and now I am starting to get hand seizure, my finger just start cramming for no reason.
i need a doctor16
My neighbor(He is 14 I think) pitched this to me and wanted advice since he was going try to participate in the Google science fair.
Him:"A robot that gives you medical advice. You just tell it your symptoms and voila! You've got your diagnosis. No doctor required."
Me: "How are you going to decide what disease the user has?"
Him:" I'm just going to write an if-else ladder statement. I've already got some of the data from this site called WebMD. It's amazing."
Me: "Go with something simple. What you're suggesting won't work out."
He told me I didn't have "Vision".
His ditched his project last week.19
One day at a doctor who started a small conversation:
Doc: What is your job?
Me: I am a software developer, I write computer programs basically.
Doc: Interesting. How does it work?
Me: Oversimplified you have special languages to tell the computer what to do and then this is converted into a program you can start on your PC. The languages are a bit like basic english (thought of Pascal at this moment).
Doc: So then it is a pretty simple job.
Me thinking: OMFG yes that's why I studied it 6 years, because it's soo easy.
Me thinking at home: Next time tell them that you are a computer scientist and that it is applied mathematics basically. Maybe then they will get a clue of the complexity. 🤔14
When the doctor says "take this and comeback in 2 weeks" he is literally debugging his solution in your body.
I'm a bit freaked out.7
The more I use Devrant the more I realise how annoying it must be for @dfox and @trogus because not only do they have to make a great app and appease their users like every other app, few others apps have a community that is capable of finding and highlighting every single tiny flaw.
It must be kind of nice but also kind of annoying. Like having a doctor as a patient.7
Do you believe that anyone can do anything? (See: 13th Doctor)
Can anyone become a programmer? Or is it not for everybody?
My cousin has started "learning" C programming at college. I was actually surprised when he first told me that he wanted to study programming and get an IT degree. He would give an impression of a spoiled non-tech son of a non-tech manager to you. (He plays games on his Xbox One and Nintendo Switch and uses his MacBook Air to watch anime).He was never good at studying or learning. I immediately thought that it was totally not for him and he should give it a second thought, but he said that he was absolutely sure about it. It's been a few weeks now and he's finding it all really difficult.
I think one should like learning constantly and should like solving problems to make it all an enjoyable learning experience.
Self-study is also really important, especially if you have garbage professors (like he says he has).
I always try to help him. I told him to focus on self-study, recommended good books (he even bought one for C), recommended good online resources. But he's a procrastinator leveled over 9000. So, you'd understand, he's not doing any of that right now. I even told him that if he didn't self-study, he might regret it one day, but he just can't bring himself to self-study, he says. I'm gonna continue helping him in any way I can, but I guess you can't really help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Thanks for reading. :)13
I hate devRant. Since morning I am suffering from diarrhoea and vomiting. My stomach aches bad and I have a complete bed rest. I had nothing good to do, so I went through the play store searching for new apps. I came across devRant which seem interesting to me. I downloaded and went through the app. I read posts straight for four hours and couldn't resist LMAO. I've been constantly laughing (literally constantly) and now my stomach aches so bad. Its 22:00 and I fear I might have to catch a doctor soon. I know devRant is the culprit and yet I have it open, in my phone, typing a useless non-humorous post. Freaking addictive. Ah my stomach..6
My doctor told me my Vitamin D is very low, that I should get some sun.
My dermatologist wants me to stay off the sun to protect/prevent moles.
I don't go to the doctor and tell him what tools to use. I was just told to delete the .scss files because they were taking up too much room and to put all partials and images at root instead of in descriptive folders.3
Meanwhile in India:
Son: Dad, I want to be an actor.
Dad: Son, it's pronounced doctor.
I know its not tech. But in India this is funny.2
So my company had a client who was a doctor. He wanted to build an iOS app and will come everyday in the office to scope the project. The company's boss was a greedy guy who always tried to keep his hands in client's pocket. And on some occasions he even went on to scold my colleagues working on the client's project in front of the client. The client was too volatile to freeze the scope which was resulting in us not getting anywhere. One day the boss came onto me in front of the client and showed like he is doing me a favor by giving me salary. The salary day was after 2 days. But I raged out. Next day I departed from home for office but felt so raged that I mailed my resignation to the boss. I wandered in the city aimlessly the whole day, and the boss gave me 5 calls to make up for it and come back. Then he went on to go legal, and I told him to do whatever he could. In the end it was all bluff.
I worked freelance for next few months, those were the best. Got paid quite nice and learned Angular 5 with Node.js. Best decision in my career..1
“Web does not need reactive programming”
“Everybody use PHP now, we don’t need your fancy functional stuff here”
This and other hilarious things I’ve been told through my career, as well as the story of doctor who tried to teach other doctors to wash their hands but lost his sanity because they rejected him, are in my fresh article.
Doctor: "How do you feel?"
Doctor: "And something other than that?"
Me: "More stress."
Doctor: "Depression maybe?"
Me: "No, I don't have time for that!"
Doctor: "You will have time for iron infusion next week though."
Background check complete. Drug test complete, physical where doctor even had to fondle my gonads, check. Worried about accepting an offer from another non tech company, check.
I should know by Friday whether they rescind offer or not.
Should be an interesting week for sure.6
I started to work in a new project for a house architect, basically a management system for his studio. Well, guess what? Twenty years ago he programmed some sort of software using BASIC, and of course that means he knows exactly how software works!
Worst kind of stakeholder, like going to the doctor and telling them how to diagnose, because you used a thermostat once.3
A man starts choking in restaurant, the waiter yells out "is anyone a doctor?"
On the other side of the room a man jumps up and yells "I'm a vim user".1
2018 was a dumpster fuck for me. I was looking for 2019.
Oh boy, I was wrong.
I had a flight booked for 3rd Jan. I was supposed to go to Delhi, back to my job.
On 2nd Jan evening, I got a high fever. 103 F and my heartbeat were around 140. My brother took me to Hospital and after the doctor checked me.
There were no other symptoms. Only high fever. The doctor told me to do some blood test and give me a dose of Antibiotic.
Next day all the result came back negative. Doctor give me 3 days of antibiotic course and told eat light.
After 3 days of getting the 4g antibiotic in my body, Nothing changed. The fever was there and no symptoms.
on the 3rd day, the doctor increases the course to 2 days and told me to get more blood test. I also had to get 4D sonography and Heart ECG and its sonography.
on the 5th day, nothing changed. I still had a high fever. All the blood test were negative.
On the 6th day, I was admitted to the hospital and my medicine was changed to high does of broad-spectrum antibiotics and lots of new blood test.
There were taking blood from one hand and giving antibiotics to another.
After the broad-spectrum antibiotics, my fever went down to normal but all the 17 blood test I did came completely negative.
On the 8th day, we went to an infection specialist. He checked all the report and ask us to do a very details sonography. After all those things he said it most likely staphylococcus infection.
So here I am, making a chart of my temperature every 2 hours and taking two tablets every day.
This last 10 was very hard. There was a point where I was thinking "this is it. I am gonna die".
I am still waiting for a very detailed blood report which takes 5 days to create. I will get it after 2 days.
So after lots of medicine and over 15+ reports, Here I am working from home.
What a wonderful start of 2019.10
dad: why not a lawyer or doctor.
mom: is the pay good?
grandmother: so you're an engineer?
cousins: don't forget me when you become rich.
friends of family: I have an idea for an app :)1
Got eye problems and I have to see a doctor today. Told my boss I can't see myself going to work today. I think he got the message.1
A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"
Ten points for an arbitrarily female Computer Scientist. ;)4
I once got fired for being sick and show up at the office without doctor certificate, crazy thing i got better job same day then posted to LinkedIn haha1
Navy story time again. Lots of blabbering, you have been warned.
I haven't written for some time, due to paperwork bullshit that can be easily automated by even the most shitty database... no, scratch that, the simplest Excel spreadsheet with basic formulae. But I digress.
On my quest to justify myself being unproductive, I'll share with you a small story I omitted from this post:
The lunacy of the man involved, while certainly entertaining after a few years (and nautical miles) away, is certainly disturbing and most certainly true. (Late disclaimer: ALL my rants are not made-up. This is shit that truly happened before my very eyes, and while I was sober.)
After I set up some cute little stuff to try and get the CO interested, in order to give me permission (and a cut from the budget) to proceed in restructuring and upgrading the ship's net, I tried a more direct approach: connecting and setting up his work laptop with the ship's GPS, radar and AIS receptor via ethernet, and installing an ECS system so that he could monitor the ship's position, movement and targets from his office (the fat fuck couldn't be bothered to go up one deck). A day later he called me to his office.
Expecting some kind of... praise? Permission? Complaints on the font style? whatever, I entered. Oh, how I wish I had not.
I was barraged for TWO FUCKING HOURS by the CO, complaining that I was taking care of the net and PCs and neglecting the Navigation department (I was not, automation is my friend combating moronic paperwork). I would have thought it as just another failed attempt, but after TWO MINUTES from the end of the barrage:
CO:... so, my personal laptop is kind of slow, you think you can do anything about it?
What was rushing through my mind was somewhere between bipolar and multiple personality disorder, with the third option of Alzheimer's disease. I half-expected some Candid Camera crew to pop out, but no.
CO: So? Can you speed up my laptop?
ME: ............................... I don't know, sir, I have paperwork to take care of.
CO: That can wait, surely you can do something about it, you know computers.
ME: [really long pause, blood pressure rising] I'll look into it in a moment, sir.
And I never did. I told of the incident to the ship's doctor, and he expressed great worry over this, but in the end, nothing was done.
My sympathies to everyone who has to interact with non-technicians of the homo sapiens species (ironically, homo sapiens means "wise man" in latin... the irony).3
Since coding is treating me pretty well lately, have a life rant:
I sprained my ankle by simply fucking walking 😑 about 7 weeks ago and it's still painful. Lack of sports and general movement is slowly driving me insane. Yes, I've been to a doctor. I'm even doing physio therapy to help the healing process. But it's taking way too fucking long for my taste. Gshvxhhdgsm.
Thanks for your attention, have a nice day.12
My wife wants to name our son "Jason". I suggested "JSON" but she didn't respond code 200. She's a doctor. :-/2
THE FUCK WHY did the company which made the website I'm maintaining now ADD CUSTOM FACEBOOK LIKES AND TWITTER FOLLOWER WIDGETS - IN A SUBDIRECTORY OF THE THEME?
Guess what, you motherfuckers: One year after you made that damn page the Facebook API changed and your stinking widget is broken REQUIRING ME TO REWRITE MOST OF IT!
Also WHO THE FUCK LEFT HIS BRAIN ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE the day he decided to HARDCODE ASSETS WITH AN http:// (no tls) URL? YES, browsers will block that shift if the website itself is delivered over tls, because it's a GAPING SECURITY HOLE!
People who sells websites that have user management and thus request authentication without AT LEAST OFFERING FUCKING STANDARD TLS SHOUD BE TARRED AND FEATHERED AND THEN PUT IN A PILLORY IN FRONT OF @ALEXDELARGE'S HOUSE!
Maybe I should be a bit more thankful - I mean I get payed to fix their incompetence. But what kind of doctor is thankful for the broken bones of his patient?9
Continuing someone's project mid way be like doctor performing operation, leaving it mid way and other doctor trying to continue. May the god bless the patient.1
Asking a developer for an estimate is like asking a doctor how long it will take to perform an appendectomy.
Making that estimate a hard date is like telling the doctor, "We need this finished in 45min, no matter what... NO MATTER WHAT!"4
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?
Dad: *nudging me* that should've been you
Me: Not now dad
Dad: Not asking for a Software Engineer are they?
Me:Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now
Dad: Go see if "Deploying code to production" helps.3
There was an error in one of my Java file. Impossible to find it. I commented all the code and the error remain. I commented the import of that class and no more error. How the f**** is possible that a empty class give an error ?
I opened the file in another text editor and found out that the last character was a symbol that wasn't recognize or display in other text editor.
I was really proud (and confused)3
I'm always somewhat pissed off since i don't have a developer job - barely even a tech job. I scan patient charts into pdfs > a server, and that's as complicated as my job description gets. i sit and scan. my computer is (supposed to be) nothing other than a display for managing the scanned charts.
what really killed me though is that one time, we got a new MFC because our old one was, well, obviously broken beyond their patience level. They told me i'd be "Helping".
I got to cut open the box.
whoop dee fucking doo. Tech assist of the century ladies and gents.
That being ine of the worst cases, there's always the times when they talk to their IT guy and never forget to call him an asshole after simply because they don't like it when they don't understand stuff. I've texted him a few times and he's actually very pleasant to talk with and does his job well. just grinds my gears
(and being the IT guy is not available as an alternative. the job is 1. obviously filled, and 2. I installed a word document password bruteforcer, which they in turn told the doctor who told the IT guy and made it sound like i had developed it - of course, this being a pretty professional clinic, he suggested i get fired. so now any hope of me actually doing what I love there is pretty hopelessly out of my reach>2
So this one made me create an account on here...
At work, there's a feature of our application that allows the user to design something (keeping it vague on purpose) and to request a 3D render of their creation.
Working with dynamically positioned objects, textures and such, errors are bound to happen. That's why we implemented a bug report feature.
We have a small team tasked with monitoring the bug reports and taking action upon it, either by fixing a 3D scene, or raising the issue to the dev team.
The other day, a member of that team told me (since I'm part of the dev team) he had received a complain that the image a user received was empty. Strange, we didn't update the code in a while.
So I check the server, all the docker containers are running fine, the code is fine, no errors anywhere.
Then, as I'm scratching my head, that guy comes back to me and says "I don't know if it can help you, but it's been doing it for a week and a half now".
"And we're only hearing about it now?!", I replied.
"Well, I have bug reports going back to the 15th, but we haven't been checking the reports for a while now since everything was fine", he says as if it was actually a normal thing to say.
"How can you know everything is fine if you're not looking at the thing that says if there's an issue?!", I replied with a face filled with despair.
"Well we didn't receive any new reports in a while, so we just stopped looking. And now the report tool window is actually closed on my machine", he says with a smile and a little laugh in his tone.
In the end, I got to fix the server issue quite easily. But still, the feature wasn't working for 1.5 weeks and more that 330 images weren't sent properly...
So yeah, Doctor, the patient's heart is beating again! Let's unplug the monitor, it should be fine.
Welcome to my little piece of hell :)7
43, I was in college with chance for an scholarship. Got instructed to get the best possible grades, and teachers kept telling me to do better. Did 3 tests in a row, and went to hospital in the 4th one. Doctor said that the amount of coffee and meds I had took could've killed me if I was not lucky.
P.S.: After I got my grades and asked about my scholarship I was told that they gave it to another person that was "more stable" and "healthy"...
P.S.: I don't know if this counts as working6
Any doctor here that happens to also know git?
What's with recruiters looking for doctor and git?14
I found my PATH to grow.
Now I have an excuse to say that I don't want to be a doctor.
(being a doctor in korea = best job, awesome, only smart dudes go)
Special thanks to App inventor and devRant2
My doctor: "To heal from a concussion, you should limit the amount of time you spend looking at a screen."
Well, I guess I'll just die then...3
Our families think we do magic and our bosses think we're capable of doing (most) anything. When shit goes south, we tend to get fired, not sued. Fired in an industry where jobs are relatively easy to find with higher than average salaries.
There's no licensure for what we do. You have to go to med school to be a doctor. You have to go to law school to be an attorney. You don't even have to have a DEGREE to get many coding jobs, even if the work risks real human lives. How good that is for society is up for debate. I flip-flop on this. If we make a huge mistake like blowing away a prod database, we're not banned from practicing again.
When the public is out for blood for something a business does, the media doesn't automatically paint a bullseye on developers. The public is not asking to raise the barrier to entry for our jobs, even though there's so many reasons people could make up to argue that a government should regulate us.
I'm just saying that out of all the things we could complain about, there's a lot we should be thankful for. Some would even say we've got it made.5
Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP.
The only good thing of having to wait two weeks for a new Doctor episode...
2 Doctor episodes to see in a row...
"well you could still afford a doctor if you bought a PC" - the bill gates from epic rap battles of history. guess he stayed true to his word3
Doing coding from past 5 years.
Everyone treat me like regular working family member.
and then one day Dad stuck on some .gov site filling form.
He was not able to use backspace as developer forget to allow
backspace. So, I open console type the basic
document.getElementById().value = "";
Now, I am getting respect as a doctor get =_=3
I got deaf on one ear and semi-deaf on another after bathing and it lasts for two days.
I am going to doctor tomorrow. Wish me luck it's just some minor bug in my ears...6
Please take sleep deprivation seriously!
Take care of it and don't allow stress to take you over.
Here's a little story of what happened to me:
I've had sleep problems for all of my life, but the beginning of last summer 2018 it went too far. I turned 18 and somehow all the school, dev and personal work started to pile up, I stressed about them and started to have no sleep every other day and little sleep another. Immediately I took time off from everything for trying get better sleep.
Having no sleep means that your brain starts to run in really low gear but you might not even notice it. So I started stressing about every little detail, making ridiculous decisions and doing stuff that didn't really make any sense.
I went to a doctor and was ordered to take time off for a month or so and start medication with bunch of different pills. At the time I thought the medication could wait for a day and went to an old work friend's place for night stay to discuss about everything. That wasn't obviously the thing I should've done. I was up all of that night, he slept, and in the morning he noticed something was really a bit off about me.
We went to the hospital and I agreed for a treatment in there. They got me to sleep normally again and I rested there for a while. I went back home or actually my parents' place and the problems continued, and back to the hospital I go. This time there was no choice. After a really long while, my mind started to stabilize enough that I was allowed to return to my everyday life: enjoying my summer break. It was an awful summer. I often felt lonely and bored. But at least I slept normally.
In the fall I returned to my usual busy schedule. And life's good again. This time I will manage my stress and sleep better and take them to account when planning schedule.16
I was at the doctor today for a bad back.
Nurse: how much weight can you lift before your back hurts?
Me: the heaviest thing I have lifted in the past year is my keyboard
Nurse: uhh, what?
Me: I mean 60-70 lbs.1
After two weeks with Ubuntu - I'm done with this. I'm going back to Windows.
Why? Well, it fixes some Windows problems, but at the same time new ones are popping and they are even bloody worse.10
TL;DR - the doctor is a lazy cunt and I hope he steps on a lego.
We’ve got a user authentication portal for all the users in our network. Well, we have it set to where you can only have two active log ins on two different machines, anything else will give the error message “you need to log out elsewhere” or whatever it is...
This god damn doctor has been told to log out several times and still calls us to ask why it’s “not working”.
I just received a call because the lazy cock sucker didn’t want to walk from the clinic to the hospital to sign out, are you fucking kidding me you lazy fucking ass hole? It’s not my job to be your mother fucking slave dude, get the fuck up and do it yourself!
I’ll take a lot of shit from anyone but when you refuse to retain the information to preform your job and want someone else to do it because you’re too fucking lazy, that’s when we’ve got problems.
I hope you step on a fucking LEGO.
I’m heavily medicated so if this doesn’t make sense I... don’t care.
Start raising tickets/bugs like you were going to the doctors and things would get fixed a lot faster.
X page doesn't work.
Great information there what about the page isn't working?
Doesn't answer the question and gets pissy when you have to ask them again.
If this was a doctor's appointment all you would've done is walked into my office and yelled it hurts over and over.
Then proceeded to shit on my floor as you're leaving because I didn't diagnose the problem fast enough.
What were you trying to do when the system took a crap?
What did the red text say?
Can you take a screenshot? because the old saying a picture paints a thousand words holds some truth.
If you can go to the doctor and give them a full run down of when you got sick and what symptoms you got in the same order they happened why do you struggle to do the same when reporting a bug.5
I have been sick for a week now. All I needed was one day of rest. But no, can't rest on the week days because I work late. Can't rest on weekends because work fucking calls me for retarded tasks that they are just too fucking lazy to do themselves.
Look gobknob, I understand you're not paying me overtime. Fuck you for that. But to deny me a day off because "we are too busy" and you can clearly see I'm fucking falling around due to illness is just a shit move.
"no doctors note, no time off". Yeah. You don't give me time to go to the doctor.
So you know what I did? I fucking went to the doctor now. Said I'm sick as a dog. Gave me a few days off too.
I should have asked him to prescribe my director a butternut sized suppository that cures all "I'm a shithead" ailments.
Time to try and turn my phone off for a few days (won't work. "oh no! We hired fuck twits who can't do their job, and now our skilled dev is sick" director "FUCKING PHONE HIM" this shit really happens.).
Excuse my grammar, my spelling, and possibly my punication. Time to sleep after 65 hours.4
So, I was diagnosed with congenital nystagmus at an early fucking age. This is complicated for people who've never heard of it before to comprehend, until they notice the eyes of the person in question. Think of it this way: I lack the biological form of optical image stabilization. Because of nystagmus, I can't fucking drive.
Now, let me tell you, it really fucking sucks. I've never had a girlfriend, never been able to get a job, basically never been able to do the type of shit most of you can already fucking do. Pile that on with college, where I don't really fucking know anybody, and it's really fucking easy to see why I've had depression and nearly fucked my GPA over last semester (2.08, yeah it's embarrassing but fuck it).
That out of the way, nystagmus is rare. So rare that any surgeries to fix it aren't guaranteed to fix the problem, and are only marginally better. I have strong skepticism for any optometrist who acts like they perform this surgery every day, because the numbers simply don't back them up. If there's so few who have this issue, then the amount of operations and opportunities to do them are fucking slim.
Today, my mom came over to Indiana from Ohio, and took me to the local Cheddar's (do other countries have those??). We sit down, and she wanted to re-hash this surgery idea. I have made the statement before that these are the only two eyes that I will ever have, and there's no guaranteed ROI on any procedures, and is probably going to fuck me over if shit hits the fan.
Then she tells me there's this doctor in Maryland. I might be geographically challenged (lol), but I'm pretty sure that's over on the east coast. It's forever from here, we'd probably have to take an airliner.
This doctor made some pretty bold fucking claims. Not only was it possible he could fix the nystagmus, but he could help me use a special form of glasses that would enable me to learn to drive. Knowing that R&D on nystagmus was sketchy because of the aforementioned conditions, I had to tell her that I still don't know how I feel about it. Also, if this doctor moves from Maryland to any of the other states, would he still be allowed to do these things?
I told her I don't know how I feel about it. I'm not sure it's worth the money if we follow through and come to find out it's not enough, and I still can't drive. She acts like this stuff is dead simple. I don't think it is. You have perceived benefits, but there have to be caveats. This would be a major change, and I don't know how I feel about following through with it.9
So..me and my dev companion (a small rat terrier) were playing tug with a small rope today, and while playing, the little guy accidentally bit my face. Split both my lips badly and I was pouring blood. I've never seen such a sad dog in my life. He was upset that he hurt me. Ended up having to go to the hospital and got two stitches. Only thing is, the doctor was horrible. Shaking like a drug addict going through withdrawals. He numbed the complete wrong place, and so I could feel every movement of the needle. It was horrible. I get home and guess who's waiting at the door crying? Yep, my little dog. I lay down on the couch and the first thing he does is curl up next to me and fall asleep. Even though this experience sucked, I still love my little dev buddy.3
I was reading a book and came across this :
What if you were a doctor and had a patient who demanded that you stop all the silly hand-washing in preparation for surgery because it was taking too much time? Clearly the patient is the boss; and yet the doctor should absolutely refuse to comply. Why? Because the doctor knows more than the patient about the risks of disease and infection. It would be unprofessional (never mind criminal) for the doctor to comply with the patient. So too it is unprofessional for programmers to bend to the will of managers who don’t understand the risks of making messes.
It's fair point but at the same time we have to comply with the manager in order to have a raise/promotion. What do you think guys ?7
Man im so frustranted...
My story goes on...
Now my boss yells at me every day, since I told him that what he did to me is a crime and that hes to blame for my burn out...
On my limits...
Dreaming a wake that im beating him up...
What to do? If I make a formal complain the company will close (we work 15 hours more every week that the law allows, meaning huge fines for every of the 200s workers)
If I dont im going insane...
Doctor already warned me, if I get worst ill have a month vacation on the psiciatric wing...
What to do...
Im shaking so hard that I feel electricity in my legs...
What to do...9
I am this die hard fan of House, MD. A medical Based Drama TV series.
I find soo many similarity between how doctor House diagnosis patients and how we coders debug code.
Why the flying-fuck is there not a similar show for engineers?
Where engineer is followed closes as he debugs a problem? And saves the day?
Why god why.
I just pray for this miracle to happen.
(To start with Dr.House abused vicodin, we coders abuse caffeine and sudo chmod 777 :P )10
According to my doctor and chiropracter I'm burned out right now.
But I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. But my concentration and productivty have been gone for a few weeks now.
I mainly work alone and I'm currently trying to complete 4 projects. But I just can't seem to get it done anymore.
I know that when I'm in my peak I would only need 2 weeks for it. But I have been trying for 2.5 months know and getting nowhere.
Not really where the problem originated but probably with the ever changing specs and my main client that hasn't paid in 5 months. But he accounts for 80% of my profits, but the internal politics of the coperate stuff is making stuff hard.
Not really sure how to go from here yet, need to finish this but can't focus. Can't hire someone since my reseveres are gone and I can't take a holiday and relax because of the money and the voice in my head that says you have to get this done.
But the feeling of wanting to work but not getting anything done, like walking into a mental wall. Makes me wanne run into a real wall head first. Stupid body listen to reason so we can go on a holiday and relax!3
Internet at home down.
Internet at office also down.
Two different service providers but they use the same backbone or whatever you call it shit which is broken and the repair needs hours.
And I still don't wanna rant about it.
Maybe I need to check myself with a doctor.1
Me right now:
Huh, it's not working... It's all good though, I'll just stick a bunch of print statements everywhere.
Oh wait... I can't because my kernel doesn't have a print function because that's what I'm trying to fix!
I feel like a doctor without any medical equipment or knowledge, just prodding around until something hopefully works.2
Do any of you guys have eye strain? I worked on a project for like 6 hours day before yesterday and have been having severe we strain since then. Haven't touched my laptop since. My doctor says my eyes are good, just need to follow the 20/20/20 rule, which is, work for 20 minutes, look at an object 20 feet away for 20 seconds, and repeat.
Do any of you guys have eye strain? Hope many hours do you clock on a PC? What do you do to minimize the strain on your eyes? Do you ever fear you'll go blind?
I have so severe eye strain it gives me migraines 😥21
By:Miss. Lucia Wright
Punchline : VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE MY DEAR
My greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am sister Lucia Wright I am married to Archdeacon. Collins Wright whom until his death served as an archdeacon in the St. Micheal's archdeacon in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2005. We were married for eleven years without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.
Before his death we were both born again Christian. After the death of my Husband I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $22. Million in a security and finance company in London for safe keeping.
Presently, my Doctor confirmed to me that I have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Haven known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages,helping the widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that? Blessed is the hand that giveth'. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way,
this is why I am taking this decision.
I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says That? the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace'. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I will give you the contact of the security and finance were the amount sum is deposited for you to contact them, I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.
Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply. Due to present condition of my health,I was warned by my doctor to avoid receiving or making any call. For that,I have submitted the information of the deposit to my lawyer, As soon as I hear from you I will forward to you the lawyer's contact.
Remain blessed in the Lord,
Miss. Lucia Wright.
Well ok... If you want me to, I can surely help you out 😈😈😈😈😈7
I'm getting addicted to collectables.
New one is the storm trooper. Me no like rubber ducks.
Thanks china... Would never pay 30 dollars for a doll :p3
!rant && Thanksgivings++
I am truly thankful to be a programmer for it is the only job on Earth where doing mistakes is the profession itself.
Think about it. We make more mistakes than other professions on DAILY basis. If a doctor miss a step during a diagnosis or an operation, a fucking human being might die. Engineers, lawyers, teachers you name it. They are not allowed to make mistakes.
Us? We are earning money from other people for all the hours we spent fixing the mistakes which we made in the first place.4
I'm in a dental hospital now, after treatment (not mine) the doctor says “eat Ice-Cream after 10min and take medicine after that.”
I'm like this is the most beautiful words I've heard from a doctor.
A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.
"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"
The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"
Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.
He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.2
Have to go take medical analysis, take them to my doctor, go buy two pants for running, work 10 hours at least and go for a party. I think my day will be short as fuck
Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1
Thank you guys for helping me out on the GoFundMe
Just a little update: all the money that is left over will be given to his family.
My best friend was also my apprentice on programming, he had just started learning Java when he first got the bad news from doctor year ago.
Oh my fucking god. Austria wants to sell the data of it's citizens to schools, universities museums, and: Companies with enough money. What the fuck?
The data contains shit from the central register of residents, information about name, date of birth, sex/gender, nationality, recidence, health data (!), education, social security/insurance, tax data, E-Card/ELGA Data (system where your doctor visits, prescribed medicines/drugs, all these things, are saved), and other shit.
Welcome to 2018, where you can try as hard as you want to keep your privacy, and then your government sells all the shit you are not able to remove. Fucking bullshit.9
God damn it! I have multiple exams that I need to study for, but can't because of my headache that I have had for two weeks now... My mom finally forced me to the doctor, and apparently I have gotten a severe case of migraine... no devices, no books and no lights allowed until it gets better.
Worst part? The exams are next week, and I havent been able to study, not even one page out of hundreds...
Guess who's retaking them this summer... döda mig 😞
Signing off from all tech now until it gets better..4
I'm in the middle of migrating data of an OB-Gyne EMR to our system. Doctor is male (whoa? how? awkward?) aaaand the language is spanish T_T
medico, codigo, cefaleas, dolor,
embarazo, and etc... ?2
Today at 'Derp & Co' is the end of the last sprint, no one have close all the task asigned. Myself included.
- that sucks...
Because there are task from previos sprints still in TODO that block other tasks.
But there is more... Yesterday was the deadline of the project. From today and onwards the client get discount.
- oof (but fair to the client)
Management have in mind AT LEAST 4 more weeks of development.
- But... how... wtf?
In 2 weeks part of the hardware we need for the project will return to the client.
- <smash the door and leave>
Management still is asking if we can do it on time...
- yeah... just call the Doctor, we need a TARDIS ASAP2
I just have been with my kid to a doctor. Got some meds and was ordered to pray to the god, was almost dragged into discussion after saying that this comment was improperiate.
Somebody just criticized me about bringing politics into discussion.
I'm from POLand.4
I hear a lot of complaints that having to study math/physics/* subjects is useless, because you don't need it in 99% of the IT jobs.
But so is software engineering, isn't it?
The tiniest companies ask for doctor titles, 19 years old senior developers with 30 years experience, architects and teamleads in the job listing and when the reality hits you, you find yourself being the bugfix bimbo and red button logic designer for architectures called "big pile of shit"©®™. And it will never change!
There is no time for proper software engineering when the deadline is set to the day before yesterday. And software engineering does not yield profit immediately. A big clusterfuck of features and bugs that somehow compensate each other does.
You study all this stuff to learn how to learn. Even if "you'll never need it again"™6
I think I might need to visit the doctor soon.
I just can't get hungry and if I do try and eat I feel like shit not even 10 minutes after. Only after many hours of going by without eating do i really feel hunger and can eat without my stomach wanting to kill myself.
Yesterday for example. Ate at around 1 o clock (without being hungry) and not even 5 mins later i was lying down in my couch feeling like absolute shit.
Didn't eat anything throughout the rest of the day and today I am feeling like I could eat an entire horse by myself.
I don't know what is happening to me. I am dropping pounds like crazy and been feeling super tired. Really creeped out at what the doctor might say about why this is happening.
I would like to think that is stress and nothing more.14
I took two years of CS then switched degrees. I've been working in technology since 2007 with those two years, a bunch of O'Reilly books, and some awesome mentors. I guess that is a dev bootcamp. We didn't have those in my day.
While I do have a degree, I don't recommend people to get one unless you are legally bound to get one; barber, hairdresser, doctor, lawyer.7
I would like to share my son's best joke so far.
The tower in France.
The tower in France who?
The tower in France, there's a man on top... it's Doctor who... Ooeeooo3
Didn't install linux for years now. Today, I have to and nothing changed about wifi drivers, at all ! Even the install process still sucks !
And they still ask to "sudo apt-get install fucking-wifi-driver" ?!?!?!
I don't have internet yet, that's the all point, damn it !22
If you think walking on your parents while they're having sex is bad, hear(read) this:
Today I heard my mom asked my dad her email's password, and she's a doctor. Why and how can't you memorize your only password? I mean if she wasn't a doctor this situation would be more believable.9
Another tinder story from last night.
Matched with a girl, I thought she was cute and all. She texted me first, and we started talking. We kinda just clicked, had similar interests and everything. Conversation turned to musicals, she said she wanted me to come listen to one with her at some point when we were both free. I mentioned the whole story from Sunday night to her (see previous rant), and told her how the girl said I was a "rebound", but nothing actually happened. Then she changed the conversation by saying something like "rebounds normally involve sex, maybe I can make up for it".
After that the conversation got sexual. Dirty talk, nudes, everything. Talking about how hard she wanted me to fuck her and everything. That carried on until about 6 in the morning. We both decided we should go to sleep.
I woke up around 11, we talked for a few minutes, then she said she had to get ready for a doctor appointment, and I didn't think anything of it. Went to work at 2, had to go get a car from a dealership like 20 minutes away. Me and my coworker got back, I decided to check my phone and see if she messaged me or anything.
Come to find out, she basically just fucking ghosted me. Blocked me, unmatched me on tinder, the whole nine yards. No warning, nothing. 8 hours earlier she was saying how much she wanted me inside her (not paraphrasing), and now she just decided "nah fuck him altogether".
I don't fucking know what it is. It's been about 10 hours since I found out, and I just..I don't know. She could have just said "nah I don't wanna fuck" and I would have been 100% fine with that. But nope. No warning, just blocked me.
I'm not mad that she just backed out of it, I'm mad that she didn't say fucking anything about it. Like, even apart from all the sexting and stuff, I genuinely liked this girl. She was nice, cute, funny, just everything I could have asked for. And now, I'm honestly kinda sad about it. Everything seemed like it was going well (maybe all the sexting would have been better for another time in the future ya know, but I can honestly say I didn't initiate it), and now I have nothing again.19
I am sick in the past two weeks.
"A virus " according to the doctor.
This cause me to drop performance for about 10%
*sometime during my sophomore year in university. I was a Biology major and just switched to Computer Science. I'm currently a senior graduating in the Spring.*
Me: "Mom and Dad I changed my major to Computer Science!"
Parents: "How will you be able to make a living playing games?"
Me: "I won't be playing games, I'll be coding/programming things and building software."
Parents: "I thought you wanted to become a doctor?"
Me: "Well I decided I wanted to choose a career that I like and I also didn't want to stay in school for 8 years. Also, the salary I can make as a developer/engineer is close to that of some doctors."
Parents: "Well we wanted you to go to be a physical therapist. We feel that it's the best option for you."
Me: "I think this is my best option because there aren't even enough people available to fill the jobs that will be around when I graduate. Which also means that I can make a higher salary."
Parents: "Well I guess we'll see if you can make a living and provide for a family just playing/making games."
Me: "That's fine I never needed your support anyways."
*My parents thought that if the job wasn't physical labor then it wasn't a "real job". (Idk how they decided that a Physical Therapist was a "real job") I moved out less than a year after this argument because I was constantly put down by my parents for coding/programming as well as playing video games in my spare time. They thought it was childish. This has shown me what I won't do when I become a parent.*
*Just a side note: I have paid for everything I own that wasn't gifted to me since I was 18 and had a job while attending college. I also got a scholarship to go to college, so my parents didn't have to pay for any of it.*2
I used to play games a lot, I had good grades at school which could make me a doctor or scientist. But my interest has always been leaning towards computers and my parents didn't really liked it. When I was having dilemmas about which path to choose for my career, parents told me, choose anything you want as long as it's not about computers. So immediately I know what I want to be...
A couple of days ago I posted here about getting finally getting a job and being really fucking happy.
Someone posted saying people who talk like that will be fucked soon.
Now I'm sitting here at the ER waiting for a doctor to drain my anal abscess..3
My thumb hurts / is exhausted from lots of typing (phone) and writing (school). Any tipps besides seeing a doctor? (I will if this bug isn't fixed 'till friday or so)2
I just love working with this other company!
Their projects are fucking complicated, but still doable, they entertain me
But most of all, the examples they make are just awesome!
Like now I'm developing a CRM for a small clinic and there was an issue like "what are notes for?"
"The patient is showily homosexual, remember to ask for his HIV exams after his next visit"
Q: "what happens during the visit?"
A: "the patients comes in, the receptionist will hand over a tablet with some questions like how deep his asshole is, then proceeds to to doctor office and there he will be raped for 30m, during the rape the doctor will take note of how destroyed his anus is, and will proceed to prepare a therapy"
Q: "I see there's the requirement for attachments"
A: "yeah once they get into the doctor room, they will be asked stuff like feet pictures to let the doctors jerk off later at night, but also PDFs about exams or some kind of stuff like that"
Q: "Will the staff be able to notify one another about random shit?"
A: "They're 3 people in like 40 square meters, so they might as well just shout 'hey, I shit myself bc there's no more toilet paper', they're close enough to hear one another"
I'm sorry in advance if you feel offended by any part of this4
Thursday: Made an appointment with doctor for (painful because no anesthesia) outpatient procedure. Sent message to team slack saying appointment would interrupt part of my day.
Friday: Boss decides to launch website. Launched.
Saturday: Fixed many broken things.
Sunday: Fixed more broken things.
Monday morning: Texted team about fixing more broken things WHILE BEING OPERATED ON!!!!!!!!!
Monday afternoon and evening: STILL WORKING ON MORE BUG FIXES!!!!!!!7
I just compiled GNOME and for some reason it switched me to 60Hz. Im like. Wait WTF is wrong. Why is GNOME lagging so much.
I move mouse its just utter most garbage to watch.
GNOME is lagging like crazy.
Then i look into settings and see that i have been running 60Hz. I switch it back to 120Hz. Ohhhhh thats just so much better.
To the people who say you cant see more then 30Fps you should see 30 to 120 and then if you tell me you cant see it then you should go to doctor.16
I had an a assignment to submit in the same week i had an infi exam. I wrote this comment and submitted. I submitted it a bit late so I lose points for it, but except that I got all the points.
FYI I know infi is written as "Infinity" in English, but learned that later.
Went for a hand surgery, the anesthetic doctor is learning swift and then he put the needle in the wrong hand.
Lesson learned: never trust a programmer with your life7
Learnt Python Fundamentals while taking a dump...
It might have been due to being in a vulnerable state during that time but I am kind of enjoying the simpletons' language..
Must go to a Doctor for a brain examination... 🤨
I should be concerned1
Hello other devRanters! I have a question for all of the lady developers out there. Guys chime in too if you feel like it.
My girlfriend is a practicing doctor - and she loves what she's doing. But the other day, she casually mentioned something that really surprised me. "I kind of wish I learned to write code".
I'm kind of a horrible mentor, and I tend to figure things out on my own after hours and hours of digging around / experimenting.
I guess my question is, how did you guys get started as dev's, and what language? Was it a curiosity thing? Did you have a mentor? Self taught? I don't want to start off somewhere that risks discouraging her from pursuing it.
I'd like to provide her somewhere to start, just to see if it peaks her interest.
Any thoughts would be appreciated :)10
Woke up to a migraine... Went to work (this wasnt the best idea), got sent home for the rest of the day. Riding a bike while your brain feels like it wants to exit your skull is not the best thing. Then it proceeds, puking is sometimes a sign for me that the worst part is over. Then head movement headache for some more hours and everything is fine again. Timespan of the whole procedure is about 10 to 12 hours.
At least I have a version of migraine with a temporary vision restriction beforehand according to the doctor some years ago. If I would listen to that signs I could prepare better...5
Every type of doctor is a different kind of debugger for the Human Operating System 🤔
They debug system services like "ear", "throat" and "poop".
Sometimes they even repair or take apart systems for different reasons!1
I really don't like the atmosphere in hospitals. Only thing I like about hospitals are the beautiful nurses and doctors, esp those who look in the eyes when talking.
If you think about it, basically what a doctor is to a humans or animals is same as what a computer technician is to a computer.
Maybe a dozen decades down the future, the reality may be such that there will be a convergence between the doctors and computer technicians as humans start integrating humanoid elements in their body.
I think it's l inevitable.2
var longRant = true;
I am dextel2, if you know me, might as well know that I'm facing from quite issues, work issues personal issues and health issues
Recently broke up with my girlfriend, because I was or may be am too coward to carry on or maybe too scared from the future or our future. Initially, the break-up was mutual and understandable, this naturally affected my focus on work.
To overcome this and work issues it took me a week or so, meanwhile I mailed her few gifts for her birthday (2 weeks before her birthday), I didn't or nearly didn't wished and after wishing her she said something which affected me even worse, I don't know if we are even friends, this incident took place 3 days before, and its still fresh for me but somehow I'll overcome.
Maybe that's why I changed my username.
My parents, especially my mother knows there's something wrong with me and advised my to be happy (funny, right? because this was after I changed my username) .
I was not able to focus on work, the boss called in and gave me "improve yourself or if" pep talk, and while that duration (maybe before) I've been partially blind (thanks to my meds for epilepsy), I'll consult soon to my doctor when he is back from his vacation.
As of now, writing this rant I have no regrets so far, the only thing is that I want to be happy, maybe I am depressed, maybe this is due to her (can't really blame her).
Please help, how would you handle such stress and be happy?5
How do you find motivation to learn new things? I am not saying regarding new technologies or frameworks.
I am 26 and I am starting to continue University but I need to learn for TOEFL and SAT. (Long story short, I dropped out because I had to move to USA, and it was choosing USA or University.)
I am working as Software Developer here in USA, but I am preparing to study in University. IT is kinda difficult to find a job here without a degree and I got lucky that I have one.
I start learning for TOEFL, easy stuffs. Just learning how to prepare for it. After 30 minutes or less I zone out. Start thinking about other stuffs that are not related to anything. Daydreaming.....
I am thinking I might have ADHD, but still it is just a though and I do not want to go to doctor and get diagnosed.
Or I am just lazy and kinda depressed that I do not have motivation for anything.
So, I am asking you dear devranters, how do you find motivation for university?1
Today in the office: colleague no.1 picks up the phone. We hear a doctor telling him that she does not work tommorow. I say: gynecologist? And my colleague no.2 replies instantly: A vet is more probable 😂 You know why? Cuz he is a beast!2
An 'older' client, who is a respected doctor, needed a web site to sell a book he authored about cycling trips.
Simple... I thought... Until he literally sent me all the content.. hand written... on pen and paper... via snail mail... Along with barely legible Hand-drawn maps... fml2
It is 10:54 on a Monday and I have not had a Monster because my drug deal- um doctor, told me off for drinking it (not good for anxiety etc). This shit is tough...8
Doctor who was examining me if I'm capable of working with computers had to write my job position in form. It was 'Working Student (SCM)'.
In middle of paperwork she looked at me and asked "how to enter brace on this?" while pointing on the keyboard..
Geez, and I was upset that my mom can not distinguish between google and address bar.2
Waiting at the hospital with my mom till it‘s her turn to see a doctor. I‘m bored af.
So how is your day going so far? // What are you up to today?21
Just ran LGs smart Doctor thing to free up some space on my phone and it uninstalled half my apps, including SwiftKey!
On the bright side, it did free up 12gb of storage I suppose
The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few, or one.
Yet they fucking stopped all the trains in Sydney because one idiot climbed the power lines.
How about those people who missed their job interviews? Business meetings? Doctor appointments? Scrum meetings? No they had to stop all the trains18
I can't really figure out how I grew from learning_syntax -> remembering_function_names -> following_patterns -> developing_a_personal_style -> reading_the_doc -> getting_the_source.
Well I have a long memory problem, so I guess it happened overnight!
Wait, did the doctor say it was a memory problem? Hell no!
Boss was advised a collar and belt by doctor when he complained of back pains. He's 18 years in this software industry.
I completed 10, occasional aches and pains, time to start yoga lessons.2
"Better to be tentative than to be recklessly sure—to be an apprentice at sixty, than to present oneself as a doctor at ten." - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
I have been diagnosed with conjunctivitis 5 days ago, given antibiotic eyedrops that didnt work, went back to the doctor who just said i got worse, then told me to see another doctor with new diagnosis of keratitis. Called for an appointment, scheduled 2 days from now.
And here i am ranting this because for fck sake i cant look at any screen for more than 2mins. How the hell am i gonna finish this side project. What am i supposed to do for 2 days??🤒😷🤒1
In reference to https://devrant.com/rants/2340071/...
I feel like the elf on the shelf.
Maybe I need more elfpussy at work.
I mean, while at santas workshop. These workplace benefit man, just aren't cutting it.
Ms. Claus just ain't doing it for me no more.
Half chub is best I can do. Fedex won't ship little blue pills to the north pole this time of year. Doctor won't prescribe any more either. Says "you have a problem john."
No shit doc! I ran out of my god damn dick pills and have to code my little elf fingers off in order to make MurderSimulator 9, VA-Denied-My-PTSD Claim DLC Game of the Year edition for Santa's evil subsidiary, Activision.
Chinese sweat shops got nothing on north pole gulag elf slave farms!
Working as a junior dev with Js, moment.js, php and MySQL dates and trying make them respect (not love) each other and talk to each other nicely...
OH GOD WHY AM I DOING THIS MYSELF, JUST DIE IN MY SLEEP ALREADY, MY MOTHER TOLD ME I SHOULD BE A DOCTOR1
I went to the eye doctor and he asked me what languages I knew. Confused, I obliged.
He then said I needed glasses because I couldn't C#.1
This moment if you are realizing that you are sitting since one hour in the waiting room of your doctor just to talk five minutes with him.1
A doctor heals, a gardener plants, a baker makes some bread, a driver brings you to a location, only IT is nonsense in the most use cases.
Maybe I will switch one day to another and more useful job which makes more sense7
I guess there was some time where The Doctor also worked in it.
Because its so true as well for it. 😂2
Suddenly Programmer becoms Doctor so he said to patient :- Your x-Ray showed a broken rib,but we fixed it with photoshop3
Q. How did the doctor revive the developer?
A. The dev wasn’t responsive so the doc picked him up by his bootstraps
Not sure if it's appropriate here...
I think I am getting more affected by the "depression"... Lower productivity, restless sleeps, etc.
I quoted "depression" because I think it's a medical term that I need to get diagnosed before confirming it. I am thinking maybe I need to see a doctor on this but don't know where to start.
Any Hong Kongers here, sharing the same feel?...
I went to an eye doctor today, and my pupils are currently almost the size of my iris. I want to do something useful, but am wondering if it's worth the pain.
Answering non techie people what my job is. I could say I'm a software engineer, and they would understand because it has the word "engineer". But i prefer to introduce myself as a developer but they give me a confused look.
I think engineer is an overused term and i hate that term, for me, connected to typical asian patents who forces their kids to be an engineer or doctor.
I'm seeking opinions and thoughts on my predicament.
I have 2ish paths before me.
Next year I resume my studies in Science Communication and Computer Science in particiliar a bachelor of science, I have considered then doing master in managent or computer science.
1) I am able to have a income of about 800 AUD a fortnight (this is to support me during study without requiring work) plus extra from a part time job whilst I study for about 2 years. Throughout this time I would like to skill up in a variety of fields as immensley as possible.
2) I can accept a full time junior web developer job while I study, this job is with a great government research organisation which as a first FT job looks great on a resume, it is is project based work where I get given a project and code and pretty much complete it. The job is flexible, I can mostly work where-ever I want, at home, at a cafe, travelling. With maybe a meeting once a week. The pay is about 65kAUD a year.
Both options are very attractive options with each containing there own pros and cons. With the extra money I could learn more or use it to grow a business or do more.
However without the FT job I could still earn about 1-1.5k a fortnight for alot less time.
I am still discovering what to do in life, I'm very good at public speaking and would like to experience and learn more about lots of different things. My current knowledge is very broad from engineering to CS, graphic design, authoring, trade skills, Digitial design and more.
Ideally I would like to learn how to lead people, to make the world a better place and help people. Figuring out where my strengths lay and where to apply them is difficult as I am fascinated by so many things.
I worry about taking the FT job as it might detract from my studies and lead me to pursueing mostly only web development work as well as take up time that might be better spent on extra study or in a leadership position in a uni club.
The PT job is a IT Systems Technician in the Australian Defence Force.
Which is a interesting experience within itself, different from civilian life and also I would be learning about systems that I might have less experience with.
I have such broad interests in alot of fields that I don't seem to be focussed on select things or areas like other devs I've met, Science Communication is a versitile field, one of my professors expertise is on doctor who and it's role in science engagement, she has written books on it. Others are in public policy or directed podcasts or even made games. Despite my broad interests computer science was always a gield I did well in.
Any thoughts, opinions or questions are welcome.
I have a blog/portfolio I put my work and projects up if it helps people know more about me, you can find it at curiosityplace.wordpress.com2
It's been already for some weeks that I feel some pain in my tendons close to the elbows and also in the hands and wrists. A friend of mine that is doctor says I should get a better keyboard and change my sitting position.
So here I am, asking for some suggestions for keyboards. Mechanical ones are maybe too noisy for the office, perhaps one with the red switches could work. Any options that are not much more than 70€?3
Playing games all day. If there is a problem with a laptop, I am the magician-doctor. If there is something that needs to be fixed, I am the one who has to look up the problem.
If you compare a software developer's job with another, let's say a doctor or a lawyer, the former doesn't require mastery and there is continuous chase on fast changing version numbers or an entire platform coming out. Former innovates without question and gets burned out in the process. While the latter demands mastery of certain fields and the specialization isn't diverse enough compared to former. Yet the pay for latter might be higher. What are the pros and cons have you felt as a developer and how do you cope to address it internally? Is it just the thrill and excitement of new things coming out? What fulfillment do we get aside from the satisfaction of clean code, unit test and successful deployments? How much impact have we really given? And is there a place for developers to final settle down? Don't get me wrong; I won't stop until death probably but I hope adulting responsibilites won't make us break.
I have been tired of everything for a couple of years and thought it is temporary and it will go away. But today I discovered there is a thing called Chronic fatigue syndrome.
Fellow developers, if you are experiencing similar symptoms mentioned in the wiki, make sure you visit a doctor; trust me, this permanent state of fatigue will not go away.
I just made an appointment to doctor and urge you to do the same!1
Does anyone else feels that the mirror dimension in Doctor Strange is sort of equivalent to a virtual environment in Python?1
Y'all, holiday break has started and I'm not being productive. I think there's something genuinely wrong with me!
My collegue make remote assistance for our software, dedicated to doctors in Italy. A doctor had the hd completely full, so it can't update the software and he call my collegue angry, saying "i've an update error, is your fault!!!" etc...after my collegue explain him he had to free space on the disk because there is no space, he had a genial idea! he brought new laptop, worst than the other one, because of the free space on disk!2
Ten Freelance commandments
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine
It's the Ten Freelance Commandments
It's the Ten Freelance Commandments
The freelance demands satisfaction, if the client accepts, no need for further action
If they don't, resubmit what's your record
Your historial when there's reckoning to be reckoned
Set a call or meet face to face
Negotiate a deal
Or negotiate a end in place
This is commonplace, 'specially
Most projects are done and payment is due
If the client won't agree that's alright
Time to get a pistol and a doctor on site
You pay him in advance, you treat him with civility
You have him turn around so he can have deniability
Any of you guys know about Feathers UI ? Based on Google Trends, I'll assume that you don't. But if you do please let me know
!Rant .. I need some quick help and didnt know where to go.. so fellow ranters please help...
So I have created an sql trigger which is supposed to add a kill to a doctor whenever one of his patients changes state to "killed" . But I dont know how to just get the one row that is updated. As it looks now : The doctor get patientKilled ++ for every patient he ever had before as well... How can I solve this ?
/****** Object: Trigger [dbo].[PatientKilled] Script Date: 2017-10-21 19:51:32 ******/
SET ANSI_NULLS ON
SET QUOTED_IDENTIFIER ON
ALTER TRIGGER [dbo].[PatientKilled] ON [dbo].[Patient]
SET NOCOUNT ON;
UPDATE Doctor set PatientsKilled+=1
FROM Doctor d
INNER JOIN inserted p
ON d.DoctorId= p.DoctorId
Needed a ARC glass, after checkup doctor said I need glass with power.
Got my first glass, due to multiple close encounters with digital screens.
Now I only see blurry, while I could see almost clear before.
Now I don't even know how I look.
And the upside is I can see things in POV now.💰11