PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test

*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.

My week at glance:
Monday: Sunday night hangover
Tuesday:Prepare report for progress meeting.
Wednesday: Progress meeting
Thursday:work little bit for next week progress meeting.
Friday: weekend fever and hence not in mood to work.
#big #company #work #culture

That moment when you spent over 2 hours recreating and fixing someones bug on stackoverflow and then he just copies your solution and gives himself the best answer.

I have some ex colleagues and friends now devs in Facebook, Amazon, or other major companies. No life, monothematic arguments, no hobbies, no time. I surely prefer my simpler life.

I work as a front end developer at a company. This site is using WordPress and I need a paid plugin, but I wanted to test the full version first without paying, so I googled it. Downloaded it and installed it right away.
NOTE I was working on the test server, where all other projects are placed in a subdirectory of public_html (public_html/websites/<other websites>), but instead on placing the website folder where are the others, I placed it in the parent directory (public_html), (where are some others folders and files). Everything goes fine, but a few days later, I wanted to modify something in functions.php of that theme and I noticed a strange code, base64 format, so I decrypted it and turns out it's a backdoor that puts code in other files of the theme, so it can add an Admin in the DB anytime, so it can remotely connect to the website. Because, as I said, the website was in the public_html directory, and the virus search for the other folders and files in the same directory and his children, it affected the rest of the websites (50+).
I reported that to my boss, but says it's fine and to give more attention next time and to install the website in the same directory as the others. Couldn't fix automatically and I had to remove manually in every website every file created and the lines that the virus added.

It doesn't work in IE. Fuck this shit!

Fuck you NPM

When you do everything that needs to be done and it still doesn't work out.

Learn git before anything else...

Git...

Git...

It's not a demo if you didn't get everything working 5 minutes before it starts.

when you wear a pink sweater while dj'ing but don't give afuck because you're a multibillionaire ...

Are you sure you want to ...

I gave this so called web developer username and password to ssh into our server. This is his reply:

"Hey we tried to log into your server. We are getting permission error. Please fix that"

Me: Sure, can you tell me how are you trying to connect?

"We tried to ssh like this: ssh root@xxx.com"

Me (in my mind): WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING ROOT FOR!?!

git commit -m "Weekend"

Just started a week vacation.

Left a sign on my desk saying "Gone phishing".

School time, programming class:
Girl: Hey, Can you help me?
Me: Sure, what's up?
G: I have an error but I don't know why
M: *looks at error stack trace* You're missing a semicolon in line 133 *puts comma, run... 27 more errors* Well, you have more issues up there, why don't you try to fix them?
G: Oh, Ok, thanks
-- 1 hour later --
G: Hey, can you come? I already fixed the other issues but I still have one I can't fix
M: *checks code, same mistake I fixed, missing semicolon, same line* Why did you erase the semicolon?
G: Oh, because if I erase it, I only have 1 error, but if I leave it, I have 27 so....
M: *turn around, walk away*

Me telling a senior dev on how to install a proprietary software:

Me: Sir, the instructions are in the readme.txt

Senior: I'm supposed to read the readme?!

Dev confession.
Everybody in my department thinks I am a genius programmer.
I am just a better googler who knows how to apply things.

After 3 months and around 5 projects at my new job, I've finally come to the realisation that the developer in charge and I disagree on everything, all tech stack/browser compatibility decisions are made completely blindly and no matter what, the lead (full stack) dev refuses to take any of my frontend expertise/knowledge on board.

how did a startup become this rigid and terrible?

I already want to quit.

"undefined is not a function"

The moment when a client dumps you for a "cheaper solution" and after a year his site get hacked and calls you to rescue him. Priceless.

Today a Coworker got a little piece of paper acknowledging that he was a Git master, two hours later he fucked up all the branches.

This is way too true.

Let us watch some Netflix on Jimmys portfolio...

When boss wants you to work a little longer and brings you beer.

Sureeee.

Just left a job where I felt like one of the best devs on the team. At my new job I feel I have so much to learn from the devs I work with. I'm so happy. :)

I'm not sure how many people on here would care about this since it's not strictly a dev issue, but just thought I'd let everyone know, iOS default apps can now be deleted on iOS 10

Debugging somones hacked site now, you know some developer messed up when the heckers injected code is more readable and structured than the actual sites...

That moment when your project managers think hiring 3 new developers will deliver their project 3x faster.