The code reviewer does the same.

I guess crying is the equivalent of removing cache from browser, a pain relief for both of you, the computer and the human being

LMFAO

nice one dude. i'm gonna approve this one time just to show you i'm a good boss.

....of course not.

N
　 O
　　　 O
　　　　 o
　　　　　o
　　　　　 o
　　　　　o
　　　　 。
　　　 。
　　　.
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　　　　.

Facebook is an awful company for sure.

Dev: Sam’s a little nervous about taking his paid leave. I guess it’s not common in Nigeria. He needs to hear from the company that taking time off like that is acceptable.

HR: THAT’S SO INAPPROPRIATE! YOU CAN’T ASSUME HE’S FRON NIGERIA JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A VERY RICH AND DIVERSE CULTURE, THEY ARE NOT ALL FROM NIGERIA!!!

Dev: Sam is from Nigeria. He told me so. He tells me a lot of stories from there.

HR: …

Dev: Can you tell me something about Sam besides his skin colour?

HR: …

Dev: …

Should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

Based on real life

I guess it's a sort of a mix of depression and burnout right now. I want to do nothing and I am constantly procrastinating. Also, very frequent sleepiness.

PS: was going to post in rants, but it's sort of random stuff rather than a rant.

Tips on staying focused while wfh?

Who the fuck cares. Be unfocused. Live a little. We’ll be back on the office grind soon anyway.

She wasn't wrong because most standups are jokes.

One thing that’s a shocker and frankly very weird for people who have always used Android, is that iPhone doesn’t show any progress notif for anything whatsoever. Like dude.. I want things to happen in background and see progress in notif bar. But no, not in iPhone. You either wait for things to finish in foreground or do it explicitly inside the relevant app.

For example, when you want to send a big video on WhatsApp via Photos, you have to wait on the Photos screen until it’s sent otherwise it fucking fails. Like dude.. wtf?! Why can’t that happen in background?

On top of this, things that can happen in background have so limited processing power to themselves (because iPhone doesn’t like things happening in background; we have already established that though) that they just crawl until done and sometimes fail.

Another thing is that there are no fucking loading indicators. You touch something and then the guessing games starts whether you touched it correctly or not. Like dude.. I know your phone got a superfast processor but sometimes things take time to happen. You gotta give some kind of indication that things are happening ffs!

I know security and all, but dude you gotta give me something! Don’t make me suffer for little things.

Dude.. fuck you!

An Hour ago , this happened. I wondered what happened.

Last week, my entire team was out including my manager.

I had to define the roadmap for Q4 and present it to everyone along with my skip level manager (Sr Director).

Now with 12 hour time difference, the call was scheduled at 04:30 AM India time.

Now since I am new, this was my first time (an opportunity to build trust), one off event, and some new learning experience, I decided to give it a shot because I am professional enough to fill in during critical times.

Everything went well.

I come back from vaccine break and this happened: https://devrant.com/rants/4595608/...

Now here is the interesting part. I had my 1:1 with my manager yesterday and she asked me the details of how things went the previous week yada yada..

Then she proceeds to tell me that Sr Director and herself are super impressed with me and by my work.

She was like, "we are thankful that we have you because after the lead left, you managed everything so well"

Then proceeds to asks me, "You had a conversation with lead that you'd be open to relocation. She mentioned me before she quit. Do you think that if you are with the team in US, you'd be able to perform better?"

I agree and tell her that in person socialising is a key tool that helps me a lot in my job.

Manager: "Cool. If you ever want to move to US or anywhere, just let me or Sr Director know and we'd be happy to do so. It's very easy and can be done quickly."

Me: "Do you mean visiting different offices or relocating full time?"

Manager: "Both."

For someone like me, coming from a third world nation who has seen nothing but hardship, this was one of the most rewarding career experience I have had. The decision lies with me. And she asked me that as soon COVID is over, I'll have to frequently visit different offices around the world.

This is my third international offer in 1.5 years that too in times of COVID. All by themselves and I wasn't even looking for them.

Holy fuck! Now I feel more confident and valued for my work.

Hard work is indeed paying off

Today I discovered that we have a CSV export button for an order transaction system, on a page which is completely disconnected from the rest of the website.

It is only being called by an internal server, used by our Data department.

They run selenium to click the button.

Then they import the CSV into a database.

That database is accessed by an admin panel.

That admin panel has an excel export button.

Which is clicked by our CFO. But he got bored of clicking, so he uses IFTTT to schedule a download of the XLS and import it in Google Sheets.

That sheet uses a Salesforce data connector.

Marketing then sends email campaigns based on that Salesforce data...

😒

So my company set up environment for docker and bablabla manually . WHAT? and a new employee took 2 weeks to configure everything.

So I decided to do some automation, a script to auto cnfigure, download , blablabla, all the new guy have to do is run the script (regardless of OS) and that save two weeks time. Everything configured just took 4 hours (the project is 3 GB) automatically.

omg

Jr. Dev: We got an issue in prod.
Sr. dev: Okay, what is the issue?
Jr. dev: Don't know, just got an email.
Sr. dev: Did you check the service?
Jr. dev: Which service?
Sr. dev: What have you debugged so far?
Jr. dev: I explained you the issue and waiting for your inputs.

😑😑😑😑😑

Why does the idea of having to develop social skills somehow seem to scare the fuck out of a large portion of you?

Is being a likeable human being such a weird concept? What do you expect? To people just validate your entire existence based on how good you can sit in front of a set of monitors and push code out? Thousands of monkeys can do that shit. Thousands of systems will eventually do such things.

for whatever reason the "I am a fucking asshole that can code" trope seems to be a "real thing" amongst developers. A mfker can know waaaaaaay less than you, have the same credentials (degrees etc) and will get the job because you were too busy building an online persona governing how better you are than everyone else. How "quirky" and Sheldon Cooper like you are. You think that makes you likeable? "i don't need to be likeable" <---- yes the fuck you are, because this shit is something in which people can be trained upon.

A team, regardless of how much you agree with this, can choose a person solely based on how well he/she/whatever clicks with them. You might be the end all be all of development, but if they don't like you or feel you will not be someone worthwile to be around, will not chose you. They will go with the charismatic newbie that can learn the same shit you so dear hold on to, because they are likeable.

Sticking to a merit based "I am the best there is" asshole mentality is a thing of the fucking past, boomer mentality. For which newer generations are parting ways with, with still profitable results. workable results. Production ready results.

Yet you chose to stick to a "I might be a quirky annoying fuck, but I am the best" mentality?

This is why you were bullied. This is why you can't get any dick, this is why you can't get any pussy, this is why you sit your ass in your little dark room trying to convince yourself that being lonely is a choice, not a situation in which you put your ass in. This is why I also dislike developers online.

Most of you might be the nicest mfkers on the planet when dealing with on a face to face basis, but if you put this shit on a screen for the world to see you will be viewed upon as some dickhead.

Fuck this "code is my life" mentality, shit is but a paycheck, a craft is not a glimpse into what you are as a person, but a way in which you make a paycheck. Molding your personality, based on what you do for a living, really?

Damn man, shit is just so fucking sad. So cringeworthy even.

Find a place where management is able to handle some criticism.

I personally think Agile/Scrum is holy, and I don't mean "yeah we kind of do our own version of it", no, fucking do it by the book. The PM shouldn't assign estimates. Developers shouldn't receive bugfix requests from anyone other than the scrum master. The CTO can't be your scrum master... etc.

If a company can't answer the question "What were the points of feedback during the last retrospective(s), and how are those points being picked up?" -- Don't work there.

Many other things are optional in my opinion. I could work at a company without QA, without fruit baskets, table tennis, without Friday drinks. I could even live without git & continuous integration, just emailing patches to a patch integrator. I don't care.

But maintaining a safe bubble of serenity and sanity for devs to do their work in, that is an absolute must.

Also, option to WFH as much as wanted. Offices are nice for social bonding, but they kill productivity for me.

Why do I need so many config files?

Me: purchases Amazon Fire stick TV

Amazon: thank you for your purchase, we recommend buying a Fire stick TV Lite.

Me: so, you want me to buy the cheaper model of the item I just bought?

Amazon: hell yea, it'll go nicely with your current Fire Stick TV and offer even less functionality,

*Romantic candlelit dinner*

GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"

Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"

My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*

GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"

Me: *blinks in awe*

Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate

Made a little program to draw svg images on an oscilloscope using XY mode. Heres tux!

My mom died when I was 7, after which my dad bought me a Commodore 64 so I had something to lose myself in during the mourning process.

I learned everything about that system, from my first GOTO statement to sprite buffers, to soldering my own EPROM cartridges. My dad didn't deal with the loss so well, and became a missing person 5 years later when I was 12.

I got into foster care with a bunch of strict religious cultists who wouldn't allow electronics in the house.

So I ran away at 14, sub-rented a closet in a student apartment using my orphan benefits and bought a secondhand IBM computer. I spent about 16 hours a day learning about BSD and Linux, C, C++, Fortran, ADA, Haskell, Livescript and even more awful things like Visual Basic, ASP, Windows NT, and Active Directory.

I faked my ID (back then it was just a laminated sheet of paper), and got a job at 15-pretending-to-be-17 at one of the first ISPs in my country. I wrote the firmware and admin panel for their router, full of shitty CGI-bin ASP code and vulnerabilities.

That somehow got me into a job at Microsoft, building the MS Office language pack for my country, and as an official "conflict resolver" for their shitty version control system. Yes, they had fulltime people employed just to resolve VCS conflicts.

After that I worked at Arianespace (X-ray NDT, visualizing/tagging dicom scans, image recognition of faulty propellant tank welds), and after that I switched to biotech, first phytogenetics, then immunology, then pharmacokynetics.

In between I have grown & synthesized and sold large quantities of recreational drugs, taken care of some big felines, got a pilot license, taught IT at an elementary school, renovated a house, and procreated.

A lot of it was to prove myself to the world -- prove that a nearly-broke-orphan-high-school-dropout could succeed at life.

But hey, now I work for a "startup", so I guess I failed after all.

1. Have some issue with my code which spits out cryptic compiler error.

2. Ask on stack overflow, Reddit, etc for a solution.

3. Get scolded at for "not reading the documentation" and "asking questions which could be answered by just Googling". Still no clue what I'm doing wrong, or what the solution would be.

4. Find someone else's vaguely related problem.

5. Post my problematic code as the answer, with arrogant comment about OP being a retard for not figuring that out for themselves.

6. A dozen angry toxic nerds flock in to tell me how retarded and wrong I am, correcting me... solving my original problem.

7. Evil plan succeeded, my code compiles, and as a bonus I made the internet a worse place in the process.

I think if you tell a bunch of autistic neckbeards that "all coronaviruses are fundamentally incurable", you'd have a vaccine within a week.

Sorry, your password is taken

I legit had this dream early morning today.

A bunch of kids (grade 10ish) were stuck somewhere and helicopters had been sent in for rescue. Strings were thrown down to airlift 'em and just like that, one kid was being pulled up. Everyone was horrified to see that the strings were giving way for just this kid while the others were being pulled up easily. The rescue team attempted the act multiple times but no go.

After all the hullabaloo it turned out that the pen-drive in his pocket had a node_modules folder. Deleting it made him lighter and that saved his life omg. :')

"Started playing around with C scripting, can you give me a hand with x?"

"Sure. Errr... this isn't C."

"Yeah it is, like the new C scripting stuff!"

"C scripting stuff?!"

"Yeah, the coffeescript stuff! You developers always shorten it to C right?"

😬😬

Ah, I just received a rejection email for my job application. Give me some love please.
💔💔💔

Once we were going to present a web service to governmental firm. All is going well so far and my boss asks me to host the web application the day before the presentation.

I hosted it and all was good with demo production tests, but I had a bad feeling.

While it was running on our server, I also ran it locally with a reverse proxy just in case.

* Meeting starts *

* Ice broken and down to business *

"And now our developer will run the demo for you..."

* Run the demo from my laptop to double check --> 500 Internal Server Error *

Holy shit!!!

* Opens reverse proxy link on my laptop. Present demo during meeting. Demo works like a charm. *

Firm representative: "Great! Looking forward to go live."

*Our team walks out*

GM: "Good job guys"

ME: