Details
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Abouta typical software developer with infosec as a hobby.
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SkillsJava, algorithm, database, data structures, problem solving.
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LocationBangalore
Joined devRant on 9/21/2016
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Messaging me at 4:30pm on a Friday about a high priority issue currently in production.
My reply: a link to the code review from 2 months ago that literally explained the problem and what to do to fix it. That got implemented. Then removed. For some reason...
Feels good.2 -
Launch that project as is... There is always room for improvement.
1970..................................................20203 -
Lecturer who is supposed to be teaching us to program somehow cannot debug his own code, instead I am telling him how to fix it... 🙈3
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To be a good developer, you must thrive in chaos, and have an insatiable desire to turn it into order.
All user input, both work tasks and actual application input, is pure fucking chaos.
The only way to turn that input into anything usable, is to interpret, structure and categorize it, to describe the rules for transformation as adequately as you can.
Sometimes companies create semi-helpful roles to assist you with this process. Often, these people are so unaware of the delicacy of the existing chaos, that any decision they make just ripples out in waves leaving nearly irreparable confusion and destruction in its path.
So applications themselves also slowly wear down into chaos under pressure of chaotic steak-holders which never seem to be able to choose between peppercorn or bernaise sauce for their steaks.
Features are added, data is migrated between formats, rules become unclear. Is ketchup even fucking valid, as a steak sauce?
The only way to preserve an application long term, is refactoring chaos into order.
But... the ocean of chaos will never end.
You must learn to swim in it.
All you can hope to do is create little pools of clarity where new creative ideas can freely spawn.
Ideas which will no doubt end up polluting their own environment, but that's a problem for tomorrow.
So you must learn to deal with the infinite stream of perplexed reactions from those who can't attach screenshots to issue reports.
You must deflect dragging conversations from those who never quite manage to translate gut feeling into rational sentences.
You must learn to deal with the fact that in reality there are no true microservice backends. There are no clean React frontends. There are no normalized databases. Full test coverage, well-executed retrospectives, finished sprints -- they are all as real as spherical cows in a vacuum.
There is no such thing as clean code.
There is only "relatively cleaner code", and even then there are arguments as to why it would be "subjectively relatively cleaner code".
Every repository, every product, every team and every company is an amalgamation of half-implemented ideals, well-intended tug of war games, and brilliantly shattered dreams.
You will encounter fragmented shards of perfect APIs, miles of tangled barbed documentation, beheaded validator classes, bloody mangled corpses of analytical dashboards, crumbled concrete databases.
You must be able to breathe in those thick toxic clouds of rotting technical and procedural debt, look at your reflection in the locker room mirror while you struggle yourself into a hazmat suit, and think:
"Fuck yes, I was born for this job".24 -
Whoever decided to put a "No to all" button in Notepad++, I wish you and your family a healthy and wealthy life. I hope you will get a pay rise and be successful in your career.
- Windows OS user after a long while. Closing a lot of files was a nightmare back then.17 -
Programming is possibly the most relaxing job.
5% time programming
30% time searching the web
50% time thinking
15% time pretending to be thinking14 -
Day 5 in quarantine: I miss my fuckin pig ignorant arrogant toxic motherfucker boss and coworkers ! I learned to deal with those motherfucker everyday for 7 Years.
Ps: 10 years ago I loved my wife. 😥4 -
*Manager enters the room quickly*
Manager: Coffe2Code, we have a serious problem on the application, (We are working on a chat app).
Me: What? now just few hours before the Demo?, what is it?
Manager: when I send or receive a media message (audio or video) the sound is not playing, the file seems like corrupted !
Me: that's strange, let me debug it and see.
*Me spending an hour and could not even reproduce the bug..*
Me: Boss, I cannot see the bug, can I debug on your device quickly?
Manager: Sure, here it is.
Me: hold the fucking device, press VOLUME UP, IT WAS FUCKING MUTE. THERE WAS NO ISSUE MOTHERFUCKER.
Manager, oups ok good no issue then, thanks16 -
When the doctor says "take this and comeback in 2 weeks" he is literally debugging his solution in your body.
I'm a bit freaked out.6 -
I was in a park and a lady loudly called out "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here". I headed over with several others. She handed out ice cream to them all and then ask me "Who are u?". I realised the rest were all her family. 😶
10 years later I still cringe.13