Fucking product owners. Churning out retarded requirements every sprint and then complaining about how the requirements haven’t been met, just to add new retarded requirements the next sprint.

Hot tip, if your product owner is obsessed over apple events, tell the cunt to go buy a new Apple Watch and suck on apples trillion dollar market value. Fucking goofy cunts.

The Logitech MX Keys and MX Master 3 are the best keyboard/mouse combination on the market.

Hands down.

You know what really grinds my fucking gears?

When I increment my pointer beyond the memory the operating system allocated it.

Who are you to define how much memory my pointer is allocated? You fucking bigot!

I’m playing around with packet analyser libraries (particularly pcap) and I have to say, it is fucking awesome and I’m becoming obsessed.

By default, GitHub uses the term "master" for the primary version of a source code repository. Developers make copies of the "master" on their computers into which they add their own code, and then merge the changes back into the "master" repo.

"On Oct. 1, 2020, any new repositories you create will use main as the default branch, instead of master," the company said.

Oh my god. Can you people just fuck off with your arbitrary terminology changes?!?!?

I have never encountered a codebase so horrendous. The styles are so fucking bad.

Give me a codebase with a poorly implemented programming langauge, fine.

Give me a codebase with styles that have been copy/pasted off Stackoverflow a million times until something works, not fucking fine.

Why is it that homelessness is suddenly more appealing to me than programming two Remote Desktop connections deep with a template engine no one has ever heard of before and vanilla JS to manipulate the DOM.

When you’re messaged with an hour left in the day to fix something before showcase tomorrow.

Shit planning on your end does not create an emergency on my end. How many times do I need to fucking say this.

Why is npm on windows so fucking horrible. Every fucking time I have to use npm on Windows I encounter a myriad of fucking issues. On MacOS it just seems to fucking work.

FUCK!

Developing software through Remote Desktop should be fucking illegal.

Learn how to only be placed on projects that have highly competent software developers.

This is the first time I've been on a project with a developer that is incredibly slow. Almost an entire month has passed, and this particular developer is still working on a story. In fact, it's the only story the devs picked up.

I work for a consulting organisation, and this particular developer and I are the only ones engaged on this project.

I am also the senior developer. I have tried numerous times to help speed things up by suggesting if there are blockers to hit me up so we can get it resolved.

At this point, I'm not entirely sure what to do. Should I report this back to the company I work for, or should I shut my mouth and say nothing because it isn't my problem?

There is quite possibly nothing more irritating than getting a message every couple of hours from your product owner titled - "How are you going with the task?"

Shit planning on your end doesn't mean an emergency on my end.

Security starts as soon as the project starts. Every decision you make needs to be one that considers whether you will compromise on security - but human beings fail to do this for one reason - bureaucracy.

Is it just me or do software developers get the shit end of the stick in absolutely every project?

Working from home is fucking bad. I'm finding myself skiving big time. Finding it difficult to focus, letting people down because when I should be working - my feet are up on the table and I'm on YouTube with no pants on. Also - the code I have been contributing to the repository is utter shite.

Wtf.

Why do large companies think that throwing more people at a project will help get things done faster?

Ironically - its had the adverse effect on the project I'm currently on.

Bad leaders are simple - they give someone a job - simply to return an eon later unhappy with the progress - without seeking to understand a single component of the events that transpired during their absence. Place this mentality at the top of the hierarchy, and it will cascade throughout an entire organisation.

Just got stood down today.

The company I'm assigned to at the moment gave my employer a days notice that they are halting the project.

Time to hit the vodka.

How do you tolerate a colleague who

- Fails to work as a team member, is inherently lazy and writes software that is simply horrendous
- Blatantly takes the easy road and even admits to it
- Has no sense of pride in the work they do
- Is your supervisor

Let me share my sprint with you.

So, we lost a developer this at the start of the sprint because the organisation we work for is total cancer.

Project manager frequently says to us that it's better to under commit than over commit.

Come sprint planning, we commit to exactly what we know we can achieve.

Of course, the PM whinges and says we need to put more in the sprint. So, we say sure, but we can't guarantee we will deliver everything on time.

Fast forward 2 weeks, we complete 90% of what we committed to.

PM is whinging at stand ups, asking us why some user stories are still in 'ready for test'.

We try to explain to the PM that 2 weeks ago we made ourselves very clear that this point 2 weeks later would most likely happen.

PM stops whining.

Tester starts whinging about only having a couple of days to test. Blames developers for not adhering to acceptance criteria.

>User stories aren't actually user stories, they're user essays.

How do you deal with this?

When was the last time you implemented SSO for Azure AD? What technology did you use? SAML or OpenID Connect?

Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on here?

I thought most developers were aware of the dangers of interpolating variables into strings in the context of SQL queries, but apparently some people are oblivious.

`SELECT * FROM USERS WHERE USERNAME = ${username}`

My username is ' ' OR 1=1;

What are you thoughts on working on more than one project at any given time?

Today I got pulled into a meeting with my 'boss'. Apparently the UX/CX person went and bitched to his bosses about the developers not following the UX/CX designs.

We missed two things. The font size for a 3 letter word was slightly off, and we missed a period at the end of some text.

I wish I was joking.

Some projects are mediocre, and then some are stuxnet.

When you start a new job and you inherit a steaming pile of shit that NEEDS to integrate with a completely separate application but after repeatedly telling your manager his requests aren’t possible, he denies it and says it is possible.

Some context. They have an old application written in MVC. They want a new application written in react. They want all the old functionality to integrate with the new functionality. I don’t just mean render different views based on the route, I mean they want both applications to integrate seamlessly to create a new application. Not to mention this new application is completely different to the old one and has requirements that aren’t even compatible with the old application.

Also. I got into trouble today for completing the sprint in 2 days and starting on user stories (that were in the sprint, not the backlog). Apparently we’re not allowed to showcase the product until the sprint ends and we go through our retrospective/demo. LMAOOOO

Just started my new job.

Poorly defined requirements ✅
Expecting things to be done yesterday ✅
Poorly managed teams ✅
Terrible legacy code ✅
Half the development team is offshore ✅

Maybe I’m just selfish, but I need to work in an environment that has the following

A good technology stack.
A competent manager/team leader.
Competent colleagues.
Clearly defined documentation.
A proper onboarding process.

Why is this so difficult to find in organisations?