Joined devRant on 9/30/2019
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My employer tried to install my app in his IPhone X and he scold me why the apk not supported. I explain to him that apk is for Android. He yelled :” don’t give me shit , you don’t have a degree on this so shut up, I do have, apk are universal because it is coded in Java20
Why the fuck do we set time based deadlines on projects/goals/sprints?
The only way to know accurately how long it would take is if you've done it before. And if you've done it before why are you coding it again?
And of course when these deadlines aren't met it's rarely the manager that gets shit; it's the devs who failed to meet a guess.47
So yesterday a friend of mine closed a ticket which has been open for around two years: "Automatically publish job offers in our internal wiki."
This was the conversation between him and HR.
- Friend: They're all on our website. Why should they be in our wiki too?
- HR: So that our employees can see them and recruit people for us.
- Friend: How about I just put the link in our wiki?
- HR: No, no links. They should all just be in our wiki.
- Friend: *<iframe src="website"></iframe>*
Now HR and everyone else is happy.
It's ironic that posts asking for upvotes are a frequent source of upvotes for the people who reply, saying, "don't ask for upvotes."5
My job is so f**king unbelievable.
I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.
Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.51
The first time I realized I wasn't as good as I thought I was when I met the smartest dev I've ever known (to this day).
I was hired to manage his team but was just immediately floored by the sheer knowledge and skills this guy displayed.
I started to wonder why they hired outside of the team instead of promoting him when I found that he just didn't mesh well with others.
He was very blunt about everything he says. Especially when it comes to code reviews. Man, he did /not/ mince words. And, of course, everyone took this as him just being an asshole.
But being an expert asshole myself, I could tell he wasn't really trying to be one and he was just quirky. He was really good and I really liked hanging out with him. I learned A LOT of things.
Can you imagine coming into a lead position, with years of experience in the role backing your confidence and then be told that your code is bad and then, systematically, very precisely, and very clearly be told why? That shit is humbling.
But it was the good kind of humbling, you know? I really liked that I had someone who could actually teach me new things.
So we hung out a lot and later on I got to meet his daughter and wife who told me that he had slight autism which is why he talked the way he did. He simply doesn't know how to talk any other way.
I explained it to the rest of the team (after getting permission) and once they understood that they started to take his criticism more seriously. He also started to learn to be less harsh with his words.
We developed some really nice friendships and our team was becoming a little family.
Year and a half later I had to leave the company for personal reasons. But before I did I convinced our boss to get him to replace me. The team was behind him now and he easily handled it like a pro.
That was 5 years ago. I moved out of the city, moved back, and got a job at another company.
Four months ago, he called me up and said he had three reasons for us to meet up.
1. He was making me god father of his new baby boy
2. That they created a new position for him at the company; VP of Engineering
3. He wanted to hang out
So we did and turns out he had a 4th reason; He had a nice job offer for me.
I'm telling this story now because I wanted to remind everyone of the lesson that every mainstream anime tells us:
Never underestimate the power of friendship.22
So I need to create a nice new web app. Let's look at some cool JS frameworks that I can work with.
*5 mins later* Hm, Angular sounds good, is there any good competitor?
*5 mins later* Wow, React sounds awesome as well. Let me learn it.
Google search result:
"Planning to use react? Check out Vue JS first"
*5 mins later* Ok so vue seems faster than React and much easier to learn. Let me see if Vue is the final choice.
Google search result:
"Angular VS Knockout VS Ember VS React VS Mithril VS Mercury VS Ractive VS Vue VS Riot"
Nope, fuck it51
Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...
You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????
WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.
MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT39
Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”
Me: “Yes, of course.”
Boss: “Great, thank you.”
Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”
Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”
Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*
Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.24
- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*