My morning:

Me: Why did you just delete the failing unit tests?

Intern: I debugged it for a while and found one of the other developers broke it with his recent changes. I couldn't fix it.

Me: Did you let him know he broke it?

Intern: No.

Me: So you just deleted it and decided to pretend the feature isn't broken?

Intern: ... No ... I mean ... well you told us yesterday we needed to have all the tests passing.

(I NEED a stress ball people)

Senior IT engineer enters the room and quietly talks to a coworker about a job related issue.

Another coworker decided to troll the sysadmin.

CW: *yells* "Open a ticket!" (That's the sysadmin's regular reply)
IT: *ignores*
CW: *trying to get his attention* "Open a ticket first! Then come back"
IT: *gives him the stare of death*
CW: "Go away and open a ticket!"
IT: *silently leaves the room*

After no more than a minute CW gets a reject from all networks outside the company's VPN.

IT comes back into the room, get's intimately close to CW's ear and says "Now open a ticket".

👋

🎤

First day at work:
To install IDE - raise a ticket.
To get access to source control - raise a ticket.
To get access to bug tracker - raise a ticket.
To raise a ticket, I need first to connect to the intranet, but to do that, I need to raise a ticket.
AND even before that, I need a username to login to my laptop, raising a ticket is also required.
WTF?!!!

A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.

One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.

The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.

On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.

One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!"

I prefer silent kills.

× open Jira ticket classified as a BUG REPORT
× Title: "Mike"
× Description: "Mike is working with us"
× assign it to Mike

× reopen it every time it's closed

Bug crawling on my screen.

CEO: there's a bug...
Me: If there's an issue create a ticket like everyone else does, and we'll look into it. 😂😂

"Opps.. I'm sorry, but you have insufficient rights to open this Ticket."

Well. You know what? I AM THE FUCKING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR YOU CUNT!
YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT RIGHTS to restrict me access to that fucking ticket!

"Oh. In that case, go ahead."

THANK YOU. FUCKING PRICK.

‪How to get your Jira ticket resolved:‬

‪1: Assign in it the person‬
‪2: Mention him on the ticket‬
‪3: Remember the ticket number ‬
‪4: Sneak into his office‬
‪5: ‬

Me: Can we do this with your module?

Creator: Yes

Me: How?

Creator: By adding the need values. Please see the docs. :)

Me: You have no documentation on this feature besides, "yes."

*Creator has closed ticket.*

How not to give support..

Me: Creates ticket on support site, letting them know their webservice returns "maintenance" page.
Support: "It works on our end."
Support: *closes ticket*

Euhm.. excuse me?

Me: Creates another ticket with a screenshot and the curl response information..
Support: Sends screenshot back that it works on their end. "Maybe check your firewall"
Support: *closes ticket*

I ain't playing these games..

Me: Creates new ticket with more curl responses from 4 different servers to prove it's not "firewall" related.
Support: ..

2 days later

Me: Sends *friendly* reminder.
Support: ..

6 days later

Me: Creates ticket again saying I'm still having issues.
Support: "I'm forwarding this to our technical support"
Support: *closes ticket*

10 minutes later.

Technical Support: "Here's the manual for our integration .pdf."

Excuse me, you say what now? I KNOW HOW IT WORKS, I'VE WRITTEN THE INTEGRATION ALREADY. THE SERVICE JUST SEEMS TO BE DOWN FFS.. pls..

Me: Sends mail to their project manager who manages the clients dossier with support history and such.
Him: "I'll check it out and let you know."

1 day later.

Support: "We had some issues this and that, wasn't publically availble, works now, .."

What a nice way to waste your time..

Co-worker has been sick for two days now (the guy that mainly helps me).

This has forced me to do nearly every ticket myself without asking questions.

It's going really great! I'm very happy about it tbh 😊

Wife : Lets try some other position tonight.

IT support guy : raise a ticket for change request

"I'm just trying to replicate {ticket-1234} so I can write a quick hotfix."

- "Oh, it doesn't work on dev."

- "So... I have to test on stage?"

- "It doesn't work on stage either."

- "Uh, on prod?"

*office laughs*

We're doing it live folks.

COVID-19
Why it sounds like a JIRA ticket?

There's one kind of ticket I fucking love. Wait, YOU LOVE TICKETS?! No, except for one.

Tickets where people ask us to restore backups.

Why do I love them?

Because the only fucking thing I need to do is reply with a link to a helpdesk item on our website because backups aren't something within our support range because it's easy for customers to do.

So whenever a ticket about restoring a backup comes in, it's as easy as opening the ticket, pasting the link with "I'd like to refer you to the following resource: " and pressing fucking "reply"

😄

This is how my day has gone so far:
1. In car, see advert about hackathon
2. Look it up, see tickets go on sale in 30mins
3. Read more about hackathon, apparently tickets go within minutes
4. Get tickets, print
5. Printer out of ink
6. Accidentally deleted ticket, can't reprint
7. No more tickets left so can't get another
8. Spend hours with data recovery tools
9. Remember recycle bin. Reprint ticket
10. Cry
11. Rant on devRant

Dear clients.

Putting your support subject or content either in uppercase letters or telling US that your matter/ticket has 'the utmost priority' doesn't mean anything to us. You'll just have to keep in line.

WE decide the priorities. Also, calling us when we haven't looked into your very fucking high priority ticket yet for about 5 FUCKING minutes is NOT going to help YOU.

- One of the Linux Support Engineers.

When you type a shitload of instructions for someone in a support ticket reply and after a little you get a reply where they give you all the thanks and that they appreciate it etc.

That makes your day great as a support person 😍

Any idea why normal, intelligent people lose the ability to write coherent sentences as soon as they click into a bug ticket description text box?

I really fucking need to learn to relax/chill out.

Fucked up something at work a few days ago but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal.

Then, yesterday, someone put a ticket on my name from the person/account I fucked something up with.

I spend yesterday evening and this morning worrying so much that I literally constantly had to talk myself down/calm

Asked this morning if it would be fixable easily because I couldn't hold my nerves anymore.

"oh yeah that'll take just a few minutes, just put the ticket on my name!"

I seriously need to learn how to control this 😞

Client hasn’t responded to my questions for over 2 weeks, so I close her ticket.

”Why the hell did you close the ticket!? The problem still exists!”

Sorry, I’m not a mind reader..

Being a student this was how my colleagues felt about my code and SQL procedures. They didn’t even let me create a change ticket to present to CAB 😂

Team Lead: don't ask me to help with your problem, open a ticket
*opens ticket*
*ticket gets routed to team lead*

Hahahaha :D

-Can I get a ticket please?
-Return?
-Naah.

Dev: To send push notifications, please open a ticket to get access to the new tool we are using which is dedicated to managing push notifications and push notification campaigns.

Me: ok done.

*5 days later*

Tool owner: Can you please add to the ticket the reason you need access?

Me: “To use it”

When you're nearing the end of the day and you're totally not in for answering a ticket so you wait half an hour longer so that the receiving party can't reply before the end of your workday.

😅

I wrote an app that tells me if a lottery ticket is winning. It takes a picture of the ticket, does OCR, finds the number lines and compares them with a remote json.
I live next door to a lottery shop.

Someone call a dev, this website is sick!
I'm talking about the website of the German train company (Deutsche Bahn).
Their ticket information and selling module has not being feeling well for a couple of days now.
Symptoms include:
- error 500 pages when trying to find a connection through their search
- not being able to book tickets
- being able to book tickets, but receiving them twice
- being charged twice for one ticket
- not being able to download tickets you bought
Suggested treatment: If you were charged too much, you have to send them a letter by postal mail to get your money back.
Or buy a ticket directly at the train station.
What year is this? 🤔😐

A friendly reminder that Deutsche Bahn fucking sucks.

Their trains show up 10 minutes later than they would have to everyday.

Once I saw that there was a train that was 120+ minutes late.

Today I had to wait almost 20 minutes at a SINGLE train station. Thus I couldn't enter the next train.

To my luck the next train arrives in an hour.

EDIT:

As a student it makes my life way harder than it already is.

It is not reliable at all.

They charge you with 60€ if you forget your ticket btw.

I don't forget my ticket though. My ticket is my campus card.

Their tickets are fucking overpriced and they are always damn late. I ain't paying for that shit. I would rather ride with a horse to the university than paying for a ticket.

Second EDIT as an update:

They just announced that my next train is going to come 10 minutes later. What a bloody surprise, eh?

Tester - The app has a bug when I try to buy a ticket
Me - okay, what's the bug ?
Tester - it shows an error
Me (trying to not high-five him with a chair in the face) - What's the error message?
Tester - ah nvm it works now!!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Explain the issue you dimwit, don't just say it doesn't fucking work!

> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---

> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---

> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
<...>

< I log a JIRA ticket explaining what and how is wrong with the server with suggestions how to fix the problem so the app will not crash any longer (client own the server, has his own sysadmins -- I don't even had permissions to open syslog.. had to hack dmesg on their PROD server to pin-point the issue)
> no reaction from customer for weeks. I ping the ticket

× app crashes again

> no reaction from customer for weeks. I ping the ticket
> customer leaves a comment that their sysadmins are looking at it trying to figure out what might be wrong (ignoring what I wrote in ticket's description??? srsly?)

× app crashes again
< I post detail investigation details: snips from logs, screenshots, everything with crystal clear explanations.

> no reaction for weeks
......

well that's fun..

This is no meme, this is an actual customer support ticket we got :)

That damn moment when you find out ... that ticket you spend a lot of time doing, well, there is a library for that.

when the project manger asks for status on a ticket.
me: what ticket
pm: hold on. (makes ticket). that one.

The submit button is the wrong color orange.
Priority:BLOCKER

Worst part of being a dev:

Writing down an issue in the ticket system for somebody else took longer then fixing the issue yourself.

Get assigned ticket.
Finish the most of the feature. Finish most of the specs.
Push.

Second dev wants to own accounting half of the ticket.
Rip out half my changes, rewrite specs.
Push.

Code review asks for minor changes.
Finish them.
Push.

Product creep creeps the scope.
Finish the feature again.
Push.

Product creep creep-creeps the scope.
Finish the feature again.
Push.

New release happens.
Merge in master; fix conflicts. Run specs; random unrelated specs fail, some fail intermittently. Rabbit holes of complicated, unexplored, obviously-flawed code.
Fuck that. Push.

Internal support article to get access to a tool:

"To get access click 'NO' in the 'was this article helpful section' and open a support ticket, making sure to mention the tool you are looking to get access to"

What fucking fresh hell is this? Why not have the article, contain the fucking link to open the ticket.

You have intentionally put up a useless article, in order to hack your way around this stupid system.

You know you're in the zone when you're working on your laptop on the train and you miss your station and the two after that.
Your commute card are missing two zones and you get off with a stern warning instead of paying the penalty of travelling without a ticket...
#Developersdisease

I think this ticket machine will definitely benefit of a hardware upgrade

Ah... The satisfying feeling when you close a ticket with Not an Issue aka the User is Dumb...

Though it took a long time to get the evidence I needed...

Intranet not working.
Delete certificates.
Still not working.
Ask IT.
You need to create ticket to delete certificates.
IT site is in intranet.
Intranet not working.
Ask IT to create ticket.
They can't create tickets for users.
FML

Just another day in corporation.

Hey look, npm broke my project again. Surprise!

Code and dependencies on my local machine, all untouched for a couple of weeks, no longer works. I've no idea how it even managed that.

Oh, and `npm update` crashes.

eventually solved by upgrading npm and running `npm update --depth 500` because some arbitrary child dependencies changed without updating the parent packages, ofc. on my local machine. without me having run `npm update` for about a month.

because of course that makes sense.
Second time in two months, too.

isn't npm great?

Jira ticket

JIRAAAAAAAAA

Wanna attend the developer conference?

White and male? Pay half a grand.
Female? Black? LGBTQIA? You get a free ticket!

Seriously, how would they verify if you are gay?
It appears to me that it's easily exploitable.

Ticket : "I have a blank page when I load this page"
I open the script (php), I see at least 7 nested foreach loop starting with a 2600+ long array. I spot the buggy loop. I mark the ticket "may need refactoring". I go drink a beer with colleagues.

I just had a non-paying customer call me useless a total of 5 times in a support ticket.

Banning them from all of my apps might be worth a bad review.

Do you want to really annoy the hell out of someone?

Prerequisites:

1. JIRA account for you
2. JIRA account for the victim
3. JIRA app on victim's phone

Instructions below:

1. Create a ticket and assign / add victim as watcher.
2. Open your favorite IDE or editor with any of your favorite projects with lots of files with minimal sizes.
3. Drag the folder and drop into JIRA ticket window.
4. Enjoy 😎

Don't ask me how I figured this out 😁

Adios Motherfucker!
Finally got that pile of misery finished. That simple ticket exploded in complexity and had quite a bit of scope creep. So so glad it's over. I mean, apart from code review and QA. But still. It's done!

Also: I may have been drinking already. Clearly not enough from the painful lack of typos and silliness. Gonna go work on that.

...when users create a ticket or call support because they forgot their password. Even though there is a big 'forgot your password?'-button right below the login form.

I always wonder if they also call Google or Facebook when they forget their password on those accounts...

1. Mailserver is down.
2. Write a ticket to provider.
3. Can't get a reponse because of 1.
4. ?????
5. Profit
6. Scratch that. We're a start-up.

One day I created a bug issue for intellij to the JetBrains guys. After some days this ticket got closed with status 'fixed'. That was kinda satisfying.

Every Group Project in CS Major
Group 1:- Hey group 2 what project are you making ..?
Group 2:- Can't tell , Top Secret

FINAL Day:-
Group 1:- Railway Ticket Booking System
Group 2:-Railway Ticket Authorization System

Evaluators :- I think I saw similar idea somewhere....😂

Went out with friends last night to celebrate a birthday, on our way back with the train we are asked for our tickets. We had bought a group ticket (for 30€/5 Persons) and showed it to the ticket checker. It was 6:20 am at that point and we were all tired and just wanted to go home, but apparently the ticket was only valid to 6 am (it does not say that anywhere on the ticket and it is called a "9-o'clock day ticket"). That asshole seriously made a record about all of us and took 60€ from everyone of the 5 of us.
The Deutsche Bahn company is the only rail company in my region, there is nothing that could compete with them, so they just shit on their customers. And now they want to privatize the highways too? Stop making public traffic something to pay for! There is no competition if there is only one traffic company with the only highways or train-web in a specific region.

Coding is slowly starting become my ticket out of the military and allowing me to make a life for my family where we don't have to move every few years.

Client: the app is slow
me: can you upload a thread dump to the ticket?

Client: here *uploads 2GB catalina.out.gz*

Ticket: "I have questions about the system."
Nothing else. What are your questions???? Please tell me

* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Switches to working on it.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Switches team member to it.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Gets dev team to help with it.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Asks CEO to help on ticket.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Cries.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Prays to Mecca.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* ...

I then find out two more urgent support tickets are about to come in.

And then another one.

Help.

I iust won a fully paid ticket with flight and accommodation to a machine learning research conference later this summer! Yaay!

Me: *implements design given by client*
My boss: *opens ticket*
"This is not acceptable. this looks like a child made his first website"

k thxbye

Scrum Master asked me to make a ticket for my current task, so that it can be tracked

But my task was another person’s task that’s handed down to me, and there’s already a ticket for that, I suggested that I’ll just change the assignee then

Scrum Master says no, just leave it be, don’t change the assignee

I ask, so what about my task, Scrum Master kept his silence

Something smells fishy

Dear project managers,

Learn to use the fucking ticketing system. And by "use" I don't mean emailing IT asking them to open a ticket for you.

#GrowUpPinheads

A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.

One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.

The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.

On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.

One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!"

Support elevates a ticket.

Ticket: customer is getting a weird error uploading photo.

Can’t recreate. Tell support to call them back. I’ll sit in on the call.

Watch the process. Noting extraordinary...

Hmm.

Me: can you get the customer to open the pic in photo viewer?

Support asks as much.

Support: uh, he says he gets a similar error opening this photo in the photo viewer.

Me: 🤦‍♂️ that is a corrupt file!

My new favourite response to a bug ticket:

"But do you not remember we tested the implementation and it worked?"

... yes ... then it broke under other circumstances.

... must be terrorists or something

You dumb bitch. I will get to your fucking low level ticket when I’m done doing more important shit. How do you have a job if you don’t know how to use fucking excel?! GOOGLE IT you fuck!

With luck like this I'll be buying a lottery ticket next.

When something doesn't work you open a ticket on the ticketing platform. Today ticket platform was not working: Ticket-Inception

Error reporting in metro ticket....

Parked the car in a parking lot 15 mins before job interview. Plenty of time to spare.

Go to pay for parking.

Ticket machine doesn't accept cards. Fine, I have notes.

Ticket machine doesn't accept notes. Shit, I need to go get change quick.

FUCKING FUCKER DOESN'T ACCEPT £1 COINS WELL WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU ACCEPT THEN YOU FUCKING FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY JOB INTERVIEW OR GET A £80 FUCKING PARKING FINE

I opened a ticket earlier with my automated ticket script, and saw its number, so I couldn't resist.

Ooh, look! Node got async/await!
Ooh, look! I can lint shell scripts with shellcheck!
Ooh, look! Webpack 2 has been released!
Ooh, look! I can switch over from npm to yarn!

There is so much stuff I want to upgrade and optimize in our project, that I forget about the actual JIRA ticket.

Today I closed my first support ticket! :D
It feels fucking good!

Touch Initialization failed!
No train Ticket for me :(

Started work: 9:30am
Finished work: 9:30pm

Finally finished my "basically done" ticket from two days ago, though I'm still not sure if it's behaving correctly. It deals with the Apple wallet and iPhone notifications, and all I have is an emulator, so. 😕 Things work as expected maybe half the time? and idfk why. I'm going to leave the actual testing to QA since they have actual iPhones and it'll run on staging on actual servers with actual connectivity and actual pushes, so maybe then things will actually make sense. Until then? So done.

Started drinking: 9:30pm
Finished drinking: TBD

<media lyrics="I don't know what the fuck just happened but I don't really care, imma get the fuck up outta here. Fuck this shit i'm out" />

yes dear colleague, it is totally fine to send me a ticket without your name in it, about a legacy website I know nothing of, that recently migrated away and is now on a server we don't maintain and for which I don't have the login credentials. I also can't log into it's CMS because, you guessed it, they changed the password after migration. But sure, just assume that I can do magic and solve the ticket just because the customer has been calling you and you got fed up with her and you wanted to go on holidays. advsfrgghsaffs!!!

We started a project in January for which I was the sole developer, to automate tedious interaction with a vendor's ticketing system. We have a storage environment with about 400,000 commodity disks attached(for this vendor-- there are other vendors too), in sites around the US and Canada. With a weekly failure rate of about 0.0005%, that means about 200 disks a week need to be replaced.

This work-- hardware investigation through storage appliance frontends, internal ticket creation, external ticket creation, watching the external ticket for updates to include in our internal ticket --was all manual, and for around 200 issues a week, it was done by one guy for two years. He was hopelessly behind. This is all automated now, and this morning, I pushed this automation from dev/test to production.

It feels great to see your work helping people around you.

Never mess with a motivated developer. I will make your life difficult in return.

Me: we need server logs and stats daily for analysis
DBA: to get those, you need to open a ticket
Me: can't you just give me SFTP access and permissions to query the stats from the DB?
DBA: No.

*OK.... 🤔🤔🤔*

*Writes an Excel Template file that I basically just need to copy and paste from to create a ticket*

This process should not take me more than 2mins 👍😁😋🙂😙😙😙😙😙😙😙😙

For them.... 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

My company's logic:

If your account gets locked, you need to raise a ticket using the company portal. In order to access the portal, you need to enter your credentials.

When an estimated 2 point ticket turns into an 8, arghghghhgh

missed a plane. the first trip to my country is after 24 hours.. had to pay for another ticket..

yeah, welcome 2019

Got a ticket form a client reporting a calculation giving the wrong outcome.

In return I ask her what she thinks the outcome should be and why.

"The right answer because I said so."

Yeah thanks that's going to help a lot.

“You have a Jira?”
“You need a Jira, first”
“Open a Jira”
“You need a Jira for that too”
“That Jira is on the wrong board, plus you need to email _this_ form first”
Jira, Jira, Jira-fucking-jira, AAAHHHHHHHHHHH, STOP!

My job appears to be nothing more than an abstraction layer around Jira. A leaky abstraction

Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter

Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox

This is why we need a product owner

New ticket: Add Feature
description: (will be updated)

Last famous words before the creator went on vacation until app release

Conference tickets are overpriced

true or false?

Do you attend any without being sponsored?

"We shall be doing maintenance on Friday 13th at 20:00 hours on our core routers"
I dont know if your insane or what. Dont think it helps that the ticket this created has 666 in its id....

A company contacted me about their custom ticket system not working

Then after asking them couple things they just wanted me to look at emails they found stacked and lost in the ticket system archive:

One clients ticket somehow got caught in between updates and hes been answering the auto close notification (each ~3 days because it never got closed) of the system, with ranging from "yes, thank you, I have solved the issue" escalating to "why dont you leave me alone, I have told you, I have fixed it, please stop", poor guy 🤣

That feeling when you spend the day fearing a ticket in your queue and when the moment comes and you try to reproduce it, you discover that it was actually resolved the whole time..

Colleague calls the IT support because he forgot his Windows login after the holiday.
IT Support: "Please go to the intranet and write a ticket" - telephone call ended.

A previous project manager thought that by marking every ticket as high priority, they would get done faster.

// priorities

when a QA opens a ticket for you!

Customer submitted ticket today stating that his 404 page was missing ohh the irony

When every single JIRA ticket is marked "Critical"...

Fuck NYC....just got hit with a fucking parking ticket for double parking. $115. *sigh* *pets cat in sadness*

I'm taking a vacation in two weeks to hopefully recover from this burnout. I don't know if I can make it that long.

I've been trying to work on a ticket for the past two days. I don't even know what the ticket says. Just something about optimizing the Google pay object api. idk. I just can't. I need to have it done today though. Bleh.

"when you get a low priority ticket during a production outage"

The new ticket / check-in terminals of the local busses apparently run on linux 😃
(Sorry for the bad pic quality)

A ticket got escalated through 3 levels of techs. I open the escalation email, then do a Reply-all and ask one simple question:

Is the client really asking why there are gaps in monitoring when their servers are shutdown?

New AD account.
cannot login.
Want to create a ticket.
Need a login to create ticket.
*genius*

Go to coworkers machine.
Open ticket there.
They respond, the user must create the ticket himself.

Ffs!

So you remember the old, not so good days, when your app worked in all the browsers besides stupid Internet Explorer?

So I through those days were long gone, and today ticket that functionality doesn't work in Edge.

Good part of the story? Ticket number is 666.

Worst Jira ticket I've ever seen:
Title: "It looks f#?$ed"
Description: ""

This gem was opened by the project producer. When asked about it, it was just a mismatch in text margins.

App 1 and 2 is basically same thing and 3 one is app just for commuter trains, what don't provide anything extra for commuting that 1 and 2 don't provide. App 1 is really old and UI and UX feels from stone age. 2 is quite fresh looking and feels good. 3, well never used it.

But here is a thing, I use train to commute, but not commuter train (one that stops on every train station) so I use 2 now. But I can't purchase season tickets (1 month tickets) from any of those apps so I need to buy it from website. And website sends me a PDF file what has QR code ticket I need, yes I was logged in my account when I purchased ticket but still can't see on any app my ticket even though they have "my tickets" section.

So there is 3 apps what are totally useless for quite simple thing.

i had a client that would rather buy me a plane ticket and a hotel night to give me a "CD" than send it to me, just because he wasnt able to upload it via mail.
The data was 230MB of excel files.
I ended uploading those files to my Dropbox using teamviewer.

So, I got a ticket to make a page using a given wireframe that had submit buttons and other buttons to add more items in the wireframe.

So, I pull the html, hook up the abilty to submit the form and add items, and send it out for review.

One comment on the review.

"Remove the functionality, you'll handle it in the next ticket"

So I commented out the javascript. Guess what I'm doing on the next 10 minutes.

Just closed a TOP PRIORITY ticket with "as designed"..

After a 1 minute talk with the developer who wrote this code, I found it is actually deliberate..
So I just closed the ticket..

but what really bothers me is:

That developer, is sitting right next to the QA.
HE IS SITTING RIGHT THERE..

We are a small startup company, everyone are sitting around the same table..

communicate much?

We have an e-commerce platform. One guy uploaded a blurry product image later he created a ticket on Jira that the image is too blurry at the storefront and asked if we can do something about it.

Just got a ticket reassigned to me from another employee leaving the company. The "Days to Due Date" field says -964.

It's for a very simple task that takes max 2 hours. Contacted the guy who created the ticket and it's still needed.

Excuse me what the fuck.

Thank you, dear 3rd party vendor replying to my ticket to my work email and sending me my new password IN FUCKING PLAINTEXT!

Support Team Member opened a ticket.

> This customer's image isn't loading.

Load image, it's white and transparent on a white page.

When your PM files a ticket saying "make better use of space" on your UI feature

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

When you get a ticket saying that a user can't see a record so the system must be broken, then after an hour of looking into it; said record never existed... Please stop wasting my time -_-

When you solve a major-ranked ticket with a single line of code.. You feel like..

while true; do
echo "Drop everything this $LATEST_TICKET is your highest priority now!"
sleep(3600)
done

Raised a support ticket with an api provider about unclear error messages. They were as confused as I was and as the thread continued I essentially ended up debugging thier application for them!

when you have to use the bathroom but you just keep telling yourself "I can finish this ticket in like 5 minutes tops"

30 minutes later... still haven't gone

What would you think about sharing something cool (preferably tech related), or weird, or f-ed up about the country or the city you live in?

I'll go first, here in Cluj-Napoca, Romania the internet really fast and dirt cheap like 1gbps fiber for 15€/month.

2. The government paid like millions of € to add ticket vending machines for public transportation and they mostly don't work, I managed to crash one while buying a ticket. Card payment is not functional on like half of them. Also they run Windows......... What a joke...

Looking forward to hear your stories on this topic!

A newish client just sent a channel ticket marked as "urgent", which set off the alarm for everybody in the chain, with an amazon link to lingerie.

I seriously don't know how to react to this, since I really hope it was a mistake and not how he expects us at the next meeting lol

To send such a ticket you have to confirm your pin and confirm the urgency reason too by the way, so the only thing coming to my mind is, it was some sort of clipboard fail?

Explaining why I need something installed on my work laptop in a request ticket: BECAUSE IT LOOKS COOL

Lotus Notes is absolutely the worst platform known to man. Every time a ticket comes in I want to set the Domino servers on fire.

So a couple of days ago we noticed a strange behaviour with a playment plugin for an online shop of a client. We opened a ticket in the support center and got a response that basically said "Nobody ever reported this behaviour. Therefore this is not a bug."

When an analysts opens a ticket about a wrong result csv file but instead of putting the actual file there , he puts a screen shot of it

Project managers who distribute a task instruction like "add button on page x" into 20 ticket comments (each minimum 1000 chars), 1 pdf from the client, 2 unrelated tl;dr confluence pages, 3 lengthy bullshit management emails (at least 5 people in cc) and end up sending chat messages every hour...

Mark the ticket as user error and hope I don't see it again...

Just wanted to share with you something that happened today.

So I was looking to buy a flight ticket from Austin to Chicago. I looked at the price and it was about 360$ so I thought I will just fly to Milwaukee and use the train to Chicago. I found a flight to Milwaukee for 140$ with 1 stop at Chicago. 😂😂😂

Alright lets install PHP7 :D
6 hours later....

Opens a support ticket: Screwed up everything !

I work as a customization and integration developer. Two months ago a customer opened a support ticket with an issue they encountered. I fixed it and released the new package. Today they opened a new ticket on the very same issue. Turns out they never even installed the fixed version.

0. The conference room TV has no sound.
1. I submit ticket to Facilities.
10. Facilities closes ticket saying that's up to Service Desk.
11. I submit ticket to Service Desk
100. Service Desk closes ticket saying that up to Facilities
110. ???
111. Profit

Getting "bug" tickets from customers complaining about EXACTLY WHAT I DESCRIBED WOULD HAPPEN. THATS NOT A F&)$*(%$(*# BUG, THATS LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD WHAT I WROTE IN THE TICKET LAST WEEK YOU F&#*(@#$() NEANDERTHAL PIECE OF SH$%*(#(*)!!! WE AGREED ON THIS EXACT BUSINESS PROCESS WEEKS AGO. DO YOU EVEN READ THE WORDS THAT I WRITE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

When a ticket comes in I usually jump right on it, get about half way done with it, then either get stuck or it's lunchtime/end of day.

I really should take the gifs advice.

> Get told my teams​ products don't work
> I say file a ticket so we know and can assist
> No tickets filed after 4 weeks,
> Team still complains my teams products don't work

Who else has mindless complainers?

I would make unintelligent customers disappear.

Reason:
What did I do today, one may ask? Spent the entire day debugging code and creating test cases to fix a high priority trouble ticket submitted by the PM of a program.....where nothing was wrong to begin with.
User error makes the world sad.

Goes back to high school.....

Me: This laptop is having issues logging into the network. I have tried restarting as well as restarting the WiFi. You probally should submit a ticket so IT knows it is broken.
Teacher: They would not fix it anyway.
Me: *facepalm*

TL;DR: Teacher thinks that telling IT to fix a computer would result in nothing happening.

So hyped cause my side project had +20% traffic last week !!!!

Turns out it was all coming from 'Secret.ɢoogle.com You are invited! Enter only with this ticket URL. Copy it. Vote for Trump!'

Google Analytics how easily are you fooled ?

DevSup channel:

Someone: FYI, Db is down(ticket link)

Otherone: Can anyone help me connecting
with db? I am having issues.

I am so happy I am leaving this place in 2 months.... 😂😂

Got a spare ticket to a MONO concert in Berlin this coming Monday. Will give away for free.🎸🎙️🎹

Any Berlin post-rock fans?

I just realize I made QA wait for 5 minutes while testing session handling on the app when I missed just a single zero and made the session expire after 30 seconds instead (instead of 300000 milli calculation produced 30000)
He tried 3 times and then opened a ticket not knowing why session is always expired
wonder if I should tell him >_>

Getting a ticket that a feature is having problems when you triple-click it. Otherwise it works fine.

I'm so close to write them simply back: "Then don't fuckin do it?"

Joined as an Intern at an MNC, There was an issue with creating the account so a ticket was raised. Now to view the ticket, I have to log in the account :)

people will write an email but wont update JIRA ticket

Bug fixed! Commit, close ticket.

Ticket reopens. Dang.. let me test it. Still fixed, wtf? Send message to QA guy that opened it again.

"Read my comment." Comment has some entirely different yet slightly related bug.

Leap out window.

So I tried to bye a ticket from mobile app which seems not to be working so I contacted tried to contact the customer support team from twitter because they were not picking their phone and this is the response I got. How the fuck am I supposed to know who made it ?😡😡😡I wasted hole day to argue with them.

Random code review:

contractor changes 2 lines in the .gitignore and 1 line in the composer.json and logs 4.5h against the related ticket .. hmmm

So I was just informed I have 40 tickets with my name on them. No big deal normally except that I had no idea and was scheduling based on the fact that I knew I had 25 on my plate and most of them were OBE. How did I find this out you ask? Well rather than updating the tickets in our ticket tracking system, my PM updated a spreadsheet that is out in no man's land. So it looks like I have been doing no work for the last 3 months when in reality I have been busting my ass to get shut done and fixed. Why even have a ticket tracking system?

The shitty trainticket-app doesn't sell me any tickets. Who the fuck coded this crap. I really tried hard to pay for a fucking ticket...

Stuff heard at my college that has business and web developer teachers: (while some teachers were setting up a support ticket system): Oh, just put in my password that I use everywhere, (then proceeds to spell it out to the people setting up the superadmin account for her)

The fact that buying a paper train ticket from automates in Germany requires you to write your name on it afterwards with a pen is putting me through a lot of pain.

So there was one plus invite sale today in India !
I think the ticket were sold out early!
Then there is this guy in twitter 👇

Not fired, but shot by my college, if I create a ticket that our software-ui isn't rendered correctly with font size 72

Just casually working on a bugfix ticket

Get a ticket for a low priority bug, reported internally. Fix the issue mentioned in the bug.

Moves to QA environment, the original bug reporter tests and *passes* the ticket.

Moves to Staging environment, same exact individual then *fails* the testing. Cites totally new/unrelated changes that need to be made.

Apparently our the workflow is -

Code->QA->Staging->Requirements

Makes sense! :)

Why is nothing ever simple?
I was reviewing a ticket to update the external libraries to the latest versions and ended up finding a bug in the newest version of one of the external libraries...

This is the kind of company that provides online ticket sales for one of the bigger cinemas in Italy. Yes, registration is unavoidable.

Project Manager logic (the best kind).

PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.

Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.

PM: ... but he marked them all as critical

(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)

Can someone relate to it? We have a very simple process:
1. Create a ticket 🎫
2. Specify the requirement 📑
3. Assign the ticket to a developer 👨‍🦰👩‍🦰
4. Optional: make a meeting with the developer and go throw the specification if it is a complex feature 🗓️

Under pressure it looks like this:
Someone tells you to implement the request as fast a possible, no written specification, in best case you get a brief email 📧 also the feature has to be available asap in production and they is only poorly tested...
Or they want to test in production because the data in test system is "missing" ⛔☢️☣️

It is so annoying that is so difficult to stick to such a simple process 😭 it really freaks me out 😒😫

Meme quoting one of our employees who sent in a ticket asking if something was a "phishing technique without the use of email."

Recently, one of my customers filed a ticket because some iFrame he got from another company wouldn't display after putting it into the content editor.
I told her it won't work because the (third-party) editor prohibits JavaScript inside iFrame tags and their attributes for security reasons.
She said ok. She said she'd understood the problem. And then, she reopened the ticket four (4!!!) times for the exact same reason, once because she tried to use a fixed iFrame tag the other company sent to her... still containing JavaScript, of course.

But, yeah... She understood what the problem was. Is clear.

Endgame has really bombarded their ticket booking servers

Manager X: (logs a support ticket) "Agent is unable to access system using the password provided."

Me: "You're going to have to narrow it down a little, we have over 1000 active agents."

I hate the support side of my job...

Our favorite ticket system blokes are back with a big fat update for their software.

What changed?
All workflows are fucked because everything is somewhere else suddenly!

Half of the features suddenly stopped working!

Variable formats in forms have been changed from {} to [] without reason, migration or warning! Sorry, {Username} ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Half-assed features that don't work half of the time have also been added!

Fucking great!

Who beta tests this shit? Nobody?

When you raise a ticket with your support team that your prod server is currently down and they mark it as a medium request, like dude... seriously?! Get it sorted ASAP paleaaaaase

Yet another ticket comes in about a feature not working after we push another update. So in my meeting I bring up adding testing would reduce this. Yeah boss just wants me to fix this issue and just do manual tests....fml

Fucked up.

Reviewed a code and gave ship it for a colleague's code change.

In a single day, got high severity ticket cut to the team.

I am done. Not going to do anymore code reviews. I suck at it.

When you deploy a priority based ticketing system for bugs and ops creates a level one priority ticket to change a the color of a button... FML

Gotta love the companies that offer 24/7 live chat then tell you to submit a support ticket about the simplest of things.

If a developer has to ask what a ticket actually asks for and the answer includes the words "The idea was...", you don't know what you want and it isn't ready for development.

Talking about Deutsche Bahn ticket buying not working, but the NS sends me emails with non-functional buttons to press in order to get my ticket. What a train wreck

PMs that start every ticket with "as a user I..."

Oh goodie, my support ticket has been updated.

It's blank..

Way to go company !

Talking to other customers, they tell me, if you are a user of their freeware version, they don't offer support (Even though this isn't mentioned anywhere, and you can summit a support ticket from your account..) so all you get back is empty replies..

Why even bother sending back a reply if its empty !

[slack]: here's a nice workspace name. Let's take it.

Workspace started to be unusable (constant refresh). Ticket sent.

[us]: We should delete it and create it again.

Few minutes later - workspace name unavailable. Ticket sent.

(48h later)
[slack]: my precious!!!

Whem you'd rather create a completely different system from scratch for work than fix that one JIRA ticket 😐

other team: accidentally deploys app to staging with incorrect config file
app: gets 401 response from our API due to bad credentials
other team: opens ticket claiming our API is broken and whining that it's holding up their release
me: (⌐■_■)

After working with a coworker on some odd issues, I finally decided to check on the actual ticket he needed assistance with.

From now on, we will optimize our HTML for aesthetic appeal in Chrome's dev tools. display:none is verboten.

Sometimes I wonder if I've had a stroke or if I've died and am in purgatory.

Ticket waiting for code review for days. I have to rename methods.

Tickets goes again to code review. Waiting there again for days. Oops! there is something the code reviewer didn't see before!

Ticket goes to code review again, waiting for days there.

Boss comes to me telling it takes me too long to close tickets.

Code reviewer tried as hard as possible to find issues in my commits.

After timereportimg 3 hours extra in a small ticket, he concluded we needed to try a different approach, even if code was OK? Why?

Simply because it was his idea and his idea is better. The reviewer needs to feel his superiority by any means.

Wow WTF!

So for a new client, they have their domain on a registrar that has the most ugliest and confusing UI ever.

So I decided to transfer the domain to somewhere better.

Guess what, it takes 5 days for them to release the domain. The site would be down and I won't be able to proceed with my work until transfer is complete.

In hopes to speed up the process, I tried to create a ticket. There is no ticket system and their only available contact email listed is sales@shittiestdomainregistarever.com

I mailed them yesterday evening hoping for a reply.

Few hrs ago, I received a bunch of automated email on some ticket I never created.

The biggest WTF is that the To: on that email is some other customer's gmail address and I am CC'd along with a bunch of other customers gmail and hotmail addresses.

Seriously, WTF is this?! I'm glad I took the decision to move from them

I'm going to let you know right now:

If you don't put it into a ticket, I'm not going to do the work.

co worker edits front end to design, breaks code then files a bug ticket for you.

was trying to book some ticket, after entering every detail at the payment page this happened and there is not even back button. fml

'It's just...' is the biggest lie any co-dev can give you!

If it's just a small change why don't they do the god damn work and spend the next 2 days wading through an undocumented shit storm.

Next person to say 'It's just x, y & x', that ticket will be going up their tail pipe sideways!

Dev work estimation is harder when the higher ups gives you a one line jira description and expect you to provide them with a timeline. Like how many times i gotta send the ticket back up the pipeline ><

Locked out of machine...
Email to open ticket...
Ticket confiration in email call number pls...
Calls number, dial options menu...
Option 3 ... Presses option 3...
Please leave a voicemail describing your issue...

Rinse repeat

Dear Docker Support,

You suck.

--
regards,
User with unanswered ticket for a month (and not the first time)

Can't wait to get back to work tomorrow, long weekend of family has got me antsy for a jira ticket