Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server

Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?

Manager: Yes

Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?

Manager: Yes

Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket

Manager: What’s so funny?

Dev: Nothing

Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

"Hey, Root, someone screwed up and now all of our prod servers are running this useless query constantly. I know I already changed your priorities six times in the past three weeks, but: Go fix it! This is higher priority! We already took some guesses at how and supplied the necessary code changes in the ticket, so this shouldn't take you long. Remember, HIGH PRIORITY!"

1. I have no idea how to reproduce it.
2. They have no idea how to reproduce it.
3. The server log doesn't include queries.
4. The application log doesn't include queries.
5. The tooling intercepts and strips out some log entries the legendary devs considered useless. (Tangent: It also now requires a tool to read the logs because log entries are now long json blobs instead of plain text.)
6. The codebase uses different loggers like everywhere, uses a custom logger by default, and often overwrites that custom logger with the default logger some levels in. gg
7. The fixes shown in the ticket are pretty lame. (I've fixed these already, and added one they missed.)
8. I'm sick and tired and burned out and just can't bring myself to care. I'm only doing this so i don't get fired.
9. Why not have the person who screwed this up fix it? Did they quit? I mean, I wouldn't blame them.

Why must everything this company does be so infuriatingly complicated?

I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

I literally just got a ticket that says "make the scrolling easier"

gonna be a great fucking day

Hey @Root! I know you won't have time to finish Ticket A before holiday vacation, so work on Ticket B instead.

I finished Ticket A in time. except for converting/fixing some horrible spaghetti monstrosity. More or less: "we overwrote this gem's middleware and now it calls back into our codebase under specific circumstances, and then calls the gem again, which calls the middleware again." Wtf? It's an atrocity against rationality.

The second day after vacation:

Hey @Root, drop Ticket B and work on Ticket C instead. Can you knock this out quick, like before friday? ... Uh, sure. It looks easy.

Ticket C was not easy. Ticket C was a frontend CSS job to add a print button, and for unknown reasons, none of the styles apply during printing. The only code involved is adding a button with a single line of javascript: `window.print()`, so why give it to the chick who hasn't been given a frontend ticket in over a year? Why not give it to the frontend guy who does this all day every day? Because "do it anyway," that's why.

And in somewhere between 13 (now 5) minutes and two hours from now, I'm going to have a 1:1 with my boss to discuss the week. Having finished almost all of Ticket A won't matter because it's not a "recent priority" -- despite it being a priority before, and a lot of work. I've made no progress on Ticket B due to interruptions (and a total and complete lack of caring because I'm burned out and quite literally can no longer care), and no progress on ticket C because... it's all horribly broken and therefore not quick. I assigned it to Mr. Frontend, which I'll probably get chewed out for.

So, my 1:1 with bossmang today is going to be awful. And the worst part of all: I'm out of rum! Which means sobriety in the face of adversity! :<

but like, wtf. Just give me a ticket and let me work on it until it's done. Stop changing the damn priorities every other freaking day!

Start working on ticket
Looks at code
WTF is the shit?
Open devRant to rant
1.5 hours later
what was I doing?

Manager: I just created a new ticket! The website flashes when you reload it!

Dev: Yes, that's typically what happens when you reload a website.

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

Here is your ticket.

First I wanna say how grateful I am that devRant exists, because my friends either don’t understand this vocab or don’t care lol.

Last week I worked on a pretty large ticket, opened a PR with 54 file changes. Just to follow standards I set the PR milestone to a future release version, but the truth is I didn’t care which version this work ended up in— I just needed it to go into the develop branch asap.

Since it was a large PR there was some expected discussion that prolonged its merging, but in the meantime I started a second branch that depended on some of the work from this branch. I set the new branch’s upstream to develop, fully expecting my PR to merge into develop, since that’s what I set the PR base to.

I completed all the work I could in the new branch, and got two colleagues to approve the initial PR so it would be merged into develop, I could add the finishing touch and get this work done seamlessly before the week was over. They approved, it got merged, I pulled develop, and… my work wasn’t there. I went to look at my PR and someone had changed the base branch to a release branch. It was my boss, who thought he was helping. (Our bosses don’t actually work on the same team as us, so he didn’t know. it’s weird. We have leads that keep track of our work instead.)

I messaged him and told him I really needed this in develop, knowing our release branch won’t be in develop for probably another week. I was very annoyed but didn’t wanna make him feel too bad so I said I’d just merge the release branch into my new branch. So many conflicts I couldn’t see straight. His response was “yeah and you’ll probably have a bunch of package manager conflicts too because that’s in that release.” He was right— I have so many package manager conflicts that I can’t even see how many compiler conflicts there are. I considered cherry picking my changes, but the whole reason I set develop as my upstream was to avoid having any conflicts since I’m working in the same functions, and this would create more.

So I could spend the next (?) days making educated guesses on possibly a thousand conflict resolutions, or I can revert my release branch merge and quietly step back and wait for the release branch to be merged into develop.

I’m sure cherry picking is the best option here but I’m genuinely too annoyed lol, and fortunately my team does not care to notice if I step back and work on something else to kill time until it’s fixed automatically. But I’m still in dire need of a rant because my entire plan was ruined by a well-meaning person who messed with my PR without asking, so here is that rant and I thank you for your time.

While writing up this quarter's performance review, I re-read last quarter's goals, and found one my boss edited and added a minimum to: "Release more features that customers want and enjoy using, prioritized by product; minimum 4 product feature/bug tickets this quarter."

... they then proceeded to give me, not four+ product tickets, but: three security tickets (two of which are big projects), a frontend ticket that should have been assigned to the designer, and a slow query performance ticket -- on top of my existing security tickets from Q3.

How the fuck was I supposed to meet this requirement if I wasn't given any product tickets? What, finish the monster tickets in a week instead of a month or more each and beg for new product tickets from the product manager who refuses to even talk to me?

Fuck these people, seriously.

What an absolute fucking disaster of a day. Strap in, folks; it's time for a bumpy ride!

I got a whole hour of work done today. The first hour of my morning because I went to work a bit early. Then people started complaining about Jenkins jobs failing on that one Jenkins server our team has been wanting to decom for two years but management won't let us force people to move to new servers. It's a single server with over four thousand projects, some of which run massive data processing jobs that last DAYS. The server was originally set up by people who have since quit, of course, and left it behind for my team to adopt with zero documentation.

Anyway, the 500GB disk is 100% full. The memory (all 64GB of it) is fully consumed by stuck jobs. We can't track down large old files to delete because du chokes on the workspace folder with thousands of subfolders with no Ram to spare. We decide to basically take a hacksaw to it, deleting the workspace for every job not currently in progress. This of course fucked up some really poorly-designed pipelines that relied on workspaces persisting between jobs, so we had to deal with complaints about that as well.

So we get the Jenkins server up and running again just in time for AWS to have a major incident affecting EC2 instance provisioning in our primary region. People keep bugging me to fix it, I keep telling them that it's Amazon's problem to solve, they wait a few minutes and ask me to fix it again. Emails flying back and forth until that was done.

Lunch time already. But the fun isn't over yet!

I get back to my desk to find out that new hires or people who got new Mac laptops recently can't even install our toolchain, because management has started handing out M1 Macs without telling us and all our tools are compiled solely for x86_64. That took some troubleshooting to even figure out what the problem was because the only error people got from homebrew was that the formula was empty when it clearly wasn't.

After figuring out that problem (but not fully solving it yet), one team starts complaining to us about a Github problem because we manage the github org. Except it's not a github problem and I already knew this because they are a Problem Team that uses some technical authoring software with Git integration but they only have even the barest understanding of what Git actually does. Turns out it's a Git problem. An update for Git was pushed out recently that patches a big bad vulnerability and the way it was patched causes problems because they're using Git wrong (multiple users accessing the same local repo on a samba share). It's a huge vulnerability so my entire conversation with them went sort of like:

"Please don't."
"We have to."
"Fine, here's a workaround, this will allow arbitrary code execution by anyone with physical or virtual access to this computer that you have sitting in an unlocked office somewhere."
"How do I run a Git command I don't use Git."

So that dealt with, I start taking a look at our toolchain, trying to figure out if I can easily just cross-compile it to arm64 for the M1 macbooks or if it will be a more involved fix. And I find all kinds of horrendous shit left behind by the people who wrote the tools that, naturally, they left for us to adopt when they quit over a year ago. I'm talking entire functions in a tool used by hundreds of people that were put in as a joke, poorly documented functions I am still trying to puzzle out, and exactly zero comments in the code and abbreviated function names like "gars", "snh", and "jgajawwawstai".

While I'm looking into that, the person from our team who is responsible for incident communication finally gets the AWS EC2 provisioning issue reported to IT Operations, who sent out an alert to affected users that should have gone out hours earlier.

Meanwhile, according to the health dashboard in AWS, the issue had already been resolved three hours before the communication went out and the ticket remains open at this moment, as far as I know.

Manager: What's your time estimate on that latest ticket?

Dev: It's literally written in the "time estimate" field on the ticket, even in standard human units like "hours", "minutes", and "seconds"

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I've told the same story multiple times but the subject of "painfully incompetent co-worker" just comes up so often.

I have one coworker who never really grew out of the mindset of a college student who just took "Intro to Programming". If a problem couldn't be solved with a textbook solution, then he would waste several weeks struggling with it until eventually someone else would pick up the ticket and finish it in a couple days. And if he found a janky workaround for a problem, he'd consider that problem "solved" and never think about it again.

He lasted less than a year before he quit and went off to get a job somewhere else, leaving the rest of our team to comb through his messy code and fix it. Unfortunately, our team is mostly split across multiple projects and our processes were kind of a mess until recently, so his work was a black box of code that had never been reviewed.

I opened the box and found only despair and regret. He was using deprecated features from older versions of the language to work around language bugs that no longer existed. He overused constants to a ridiculous degree (hundreds of constants, all of which are used exactly once in the entire codebase, stored in a single mutable map variable named "values" because why not). He didn't really seem to understand DRY at all. His code threw warnings in the IDE and had weird errors that were difficult to reproduce because there was just a whole pile of race conditions.

I ended up having to take a figurative hacksaw to it, ripping out huge sections of unnecessary crap and modernizing it to use recent language features to get rid of the deprecation warnings and intermittent errors. And then I went through the same process again for every other project he'd touched.

Good riddance.

I was pressued to shift the blame.

We received an angry email from a customer that some of their data had disappeared. The boss assigns me to this task. This feature is relatively new and we've found some bugs in the past in here. I go through request logs, search the database, run some diagnostics, etc. for about 5 hours and I cannot find the problem. I focus on the bugs that we've had before but they don't seem to be the problem.

I tell the boss "sorry but I checked XYZ and I can't find the problem. I'm out of ideas." But the boss wanted answers by the end of the day. They did not want to admit to the client that we couldn't figure out what's wrong.

By now I was more pressured to find an answer, find something or someone to blame it on, not exactly to find the real solution. So I made up some BS:

"Sometimes, in HTML forms, the number inputs allow you to change the number by scrolling. We have some long forms where the user has to scroll. Perhaps the focus remained on the number input, so when they scrolled down they accidentally changed the number they meant to input."

The boss was happy with that. We explained this to the customer, and there's now a ticket to change type="number" to type="text" in our HTML forms and to validate it in th backend.

A week later another customer shows us a different error. This one is more clear because it had a stack trace, but I realise that this error is what caused our last error. It was pretty obscure, mind you, the unit tests didn't detect it.

I didn't tell the boss that they were connected tho.

With two angry clients in two weeks, I finally convinced the boss to give us more time to write more unit tests with full coverage.

I manage a team of engineers.

Toxic Culture Post #2:

Manager: Everybody on your team needs their own swimlane in Jira. Each person's work should be their own lane. When I have a ticket for <Project A> I want to make sure that <Bob> always gets it, all tickets for <Project B> must go to <James>. You'll need to figure out which team member will handle <New Project C> and create their personal swim lane.

Me: That's not really how SCRUM works. Actually, that's not how teamwork works. You're creating silos and we all need to learn how to do these tasks. We're a cross-functional team, and each team member brings their own unique talents to the whole process.

Manager: So you'll create the swimlanes?

Me: No

Manager (to Bob): You'll be devoted to <Project A> from now own. It's the only work I expect you to do. All work for that project will be yours.

Likewise, my manager also reached out to each team member and assigned them specific tasks, furthering the silos.

Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"

Send help..

The project we're currently working on:

- an angular codebase that's broken beyond recognition - nothing's working as it should

- user stories are estimated in hours, but estimations are treated as hard facts. Since the app is so broken, everything takes longer than usual and it's almost impossible to consider every potential hardship during refinements, therefore, we constantly need more time than we have estimated

- retrospectives (intentional plural here, since one time isn't enough) are used to discuss why we cannot manage to finish tickets within the estimations

- the design was made beforehand and is extremely inconsistent and inaccessible

- if you open a new ticket, you need to add a reason for why this ticket is needed - in addition to the ticket description..

- The moment you move a ticket to QA, the "Scrum Master" breathes down your neck, shoving new tickets in your face. Despite having to finish up the other two you're still working on

- multiple teams are working on the application, but - of course - communication is overrated.

I could go on, but I'm too tired..
We were supposed to help the client for a couple of months - we're close to a year now and still nowhere near done.

I should just quit. I am not paid enough to deal with this pissing contest.
Reviewer:
Need to add instructions (on readme) for installing pnmp, or if possible, have the top-level npm i install it (lol).
Also, it looks like we are no longer using lerna? If that's right, let's remove the dependency; its dependencies give some security audit messages at install.
Me:
it's good enough for now. Added a new ticket to resolve package manager confusions. (Migrate to pnpm workspaces)
Reviewer:
I will probably be responsible for automating deployment of this (I deployed the webapp on cloudflare pages and there is no work that needs to be done. "automating deployment" literally means replacing npm with pnpm). I disagree that it's good enough for now.

Imagine all readmes on github document how to install yarn/pnpm.

Lesson learned:
If you think an OOP static site developer can't handle modern JS framework, you are probably right.

Let's say you have a MySQL database table for jobs. Each job has 1 associated ticket. You want to keep track if the ticket is closed or not. Every sane person creates jobs table, tickets table, keeps bool value for ticket state and relationship between them.

But because our database is designed by a half braindead amoeba, we have one table only, so each job has to be updated individually with a new ticket number and its state. Beacuse it sooo much faster to update (daily!) 13k jobs than just 100 tickets.
As a bonus - if the ticked is closed, the column "ticket_closed" is "No", if it's still open the value is "FALSE". Yes, both as varchar/strings.

First time committing a ticket is scary… I can’t stop thinking how my colleagues and tech lead gonna look at my code and question me if I lied on my resume…

There are lots of words in this jira ticket. All real words that make sense on their own. However, put together, they are completely fucking meaningless. Now my brain hurts!!!

It's the end times: I've received a JIRA ticket asking me to fix something in JIRA

Another day, another shitty set of JIRA tickets.

In this week's edition, we run into an issue you'd think is a meme, something you couldn't even make up: three tickets with IDENTICAL titles, but miraculously, they actually refer to three DIFFERENT tasks! (Also comical, they're not bugs, they're tasks, but mouth breathers don't really know the difference, and at this point I just don't have the energy to attempt to explain what could be explained to elementary school children.)

I present a rare look into our national archives!

This document features two exhibits:

Exhibit A: product owner's original ticket titles

Exhibit B: translated-into-competency-because-i'm-not-mentally-deficient ticket titles

Just more proof that 'product owners' don't own shit, the devs are the real ones who actually know what is going on.

I mean just LOOK at Exhibit A's titles. As a big smart manager, do you write those tickets, smile, and say to yourself "Ah, yep, that's very clear, I'll definitely remember what each of these mean literally 5 seconds from now!"

Is asking for literally 30 seconds more of thought too much to ask for? Apparently.

Just kill me

Happy friday ☠️

Got a ticket saying we need our website's record creation wizard to have better validation. No worries, just some regex, right?

Sure, regex for name entry (with the usual white person assumptions about names), and fixing the fact that it's in-page popup doesn't close on save. Or save draft. Or delete.

And also you need to apply the name regex for the fields on this page to all the previous names that the user lists.

And there's that one issue where the address history message always shows no matter what.

Oh and make sure that if they choose to ignore those validation issues then the validation message is in the notes for the record.

And fix the thing where it saves as draft instead of as a normal record.

And and and and and...

Can we just talk about making it 1 problem per ticket? This sort of shit makes me look bad when it takes me a week to fix 1 ticket, when I'm usually a few-a-day kinda person

What is it with devs (not all, by any means!) who don't understand networks or basic computer operation? I'm not talking about anything complex, but things like the dev who asked if his IP address could be whitelisted so he could remote in from home. We asked what his public IP address is and he said 10.0.0.27.

Or the new dev who started and said her laptop camera didn't work and logged a ticket, only to be asked if she had the camera cover open or closed and said, "oh, that's what that lever is for."

Don't get me wrong - many devs and sysadmins and IT people of all fields are excellent. And there are some who are crap in every field. This is no rant about devs in general, just *these* crap devs that I can only throw my hands in the air and think, well, they scored ok in the SQL test.

Manager’s PR Description: I made changes relating to a ticket which should work as expected. I also made various other changes as I saw fit, test whatever else I changed too.

Dev: …

Getting "bug" tickets from customers complaining about EXACTLY WHAT I DESCRIBED WOULD HAPPEN. THATS NOT A F&)$*(%$(*# BUG, THATS LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD WHAT I WROTE IN THE TICKET LAST WEEK YOU F&#*(@#$() NEANDERTHAL PIECE OF SH$%*(#(*)!!! WE AGREED ON THIS EXACT BUSINESS PROCESS WEEKS AGO. DO YOU EVEN READ THE WORDS THAT I WRITE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

What the fuck are some people doing at this line of work.. Our former product owner, half a year later, creates a high priority bug ticket of a faulty user flow WHEN HE WAS WITH THE TEAM MAKING THE SPECS FOR THIS FUCKING FEATURE! YOU FUCKING NUMBSKULL DIMWITTED CUNT! THIS IS NOT A BUG IT IS AS YOU FUCKING MORONS WANTED IT! SO FUCKING PISSED AT READING TICKETS LIKE THIS BY MORONS LIKE THIS!

Submitted a ticket to the 3rd party IT provider today. Just like they always do they close the ticket instantly saying they did the work when they didn’t do anything.

Except this time they went one step further. They documented that they had a conversation with me and that they convinced me that I didn’t need the work done.

No such conversation occurred. I have not changed my mind nor have been given any reason to. They just want their ticket times to appear as fast as possible and are willing to lie through their teeth to achieve that.

Prepare for a shit storm motherfuckers.

Holy retarded internet company. The fiber cable that comes from the power pole lost its connection to the building I live in. So the fiber was laying on the ground in the parking lot. The upside is it is still working. The problem is people are going to run over the fiber and break it. So I sent an email to the ISP on Thursday. They didn't create a ticket all day on Friday. By the time I got home they were not open. I called their tech support number and pressed 0 until I got a real person. I explained they need to fix this soon or it will get broken. They said "I understand" and then proceeded to create a ticket for fucking wednesday next week! I told them it will damaged by then. They said "I understand". Then I get a text saying they will do this wednesday. No you stupid fuckers, you do not understand!

Queue the McGuiver music:
I got out some steel wire I use to fix stupid shit like this. I made a hook to connect the steel cable holding the fiber. This hook will go around some exposed electrical conduit. Then I got a board to lift it up high (no ladder and 5 inches thick of ice on ground). I cannot balance wire hook on board and get it to slip down. So I got a steel pole I have and attached another hook with electrical tape. As I passed the hook over the conduit I used other pole to grab bottom of hook and pull it down to keep a hold of the conduit. Now the fiber is up in the air again above the parking lot. I hope this stupid hack works until wednesday. My right arm hurts like hell cause the strain of holding the fiber taut while I pulled the hook down. It strained my right hand.

Worst customer service on the planet with Century Stink. They fucking make it harder than hell to get help and it seems they take almost a week to fix shit.

"We're a team!"

"We need to work together!"

...product managers, sheesh

I think I'm completely burned out on being a dev. It's so frustrating and hard to do even the simplest thing. I don't mean it's hard as in it's hard to do the code, I mean it's draining my soul to sit through 4 hour meetings and code reviews.
The other day I had someone dictate a code change to me for a bug they introduced on a ticket I took. Can you just take the ticket yourself or at least just give me a push and not drag me into a 2 hour meeting where you dictate code to me?
I'm an introvert and I've never in all my years in tech worked with a more gregarious group of programmers. It seems like all they want to do is talk and I just want to get requirements, code the requirements, and be done.
There are days where I don't even write a single line of code because I'm scheduled for 2 hours worth of meetings that actually take 5 hours because no on respects anyone else's time and would rather interject with their feelings or opinions on some technology or code instead of just getting things done.
On top of this, everyone is an architecture astronaut who doesn't want to just start working.
We need to switch our frontend and I can't even start because as soon as I make a recommendation "That's not supported enough, it only has 1 maintainer!" "I think we should make it an SPA" "I think we should make it static pages".
Can we just write a native god damn gui? This isn't even customer facing who gives a shit.
Why am I trying to get a democratic consensus with these dudes when no one has even asked the actual users what they want.
Are you still a programmer when all you do is listen to other people talk in meetings all day?

Just JIRA things:

We've got a very descriptive ticket with the title: "API Interface"

Can't wait for the rest of this Friday to play out, I'm already joyful and in the holiday spirit.

If you're filling a ticket on a team, make sure it includes EVERYTHING that is needed to complete the ticket so anyone on your team can complete it, not just the people with institutional knowledge.

Today a client opened a ticket saying that all the content for a customer returns 404. Turns out it's kinda important to end a prefix on a separator if you plan to recursively delete all data /user/<user_id> or you might end up deleting a bit of extra data

Ready for another look into my JIRA life?

Ticket Title: "The 'Selected photos' setting will result in users being able to select only one photo at a time."

Ticket Description: "This is not directly a bug, because this problem is caused by the selected setting. Here one would have to consider to give this option no more and/or with an error message the user on it to make attentive, how he can change the attitude."

I don't even have to worry about NDA in this one because it makes absolutely no sense.

BTW, we don't have a single text in the app with the words "selected photos"

99% sure the creator of this ticket wrote it when they were high, drunk, or both

Go assign a super simple ticket to your "product owner" or "manager" or whoever the hell claims they "work so hard" and "have the vision" or whatever blah blah blah when in reality YOU'RE the one working 12 hour days, completing the features used by THOUSANDS.

Just try it. They'll never complete it. I guarantee it. Here I am looking at one that is three weeks old asking to update the f&*(@#$ credit card credentials for a simple log service to be reactivated.

So sick of this backward world where us devs never get any credit.

Who wants to start a software union with me?

me: reviewing an old ticket relevant to testing a similar area of a ticket im working on as a developer

"QA Note

Please don't ask me where to find one of these, because I don’t know"

the retired QA who worked on this ticket also didn't write where to find the thing

well fuck me alright

We've been using JIRA for over half a year now, and my colleagues still can't use it properly.

I've never had the problem, but to some amazing technological feat, every time they create a ticket, it "disappears", so they make a NEW ticket with just the title references to the actual one.

Love my daily review of JIRA, it's like a fucking raiders of the lost ark scene.

"ooooo what does this one mean, perhaps there is a clue if i shine a light on it just right"

jesus christ incompetence is rampant

so am 23 , with a work experience of 1.5 years (1 year at b2c cumpany, 6 months at current b2b company) and am kinda uncomfortable with the comfort in my job.

tldr : my company has a work heaven and a very boring product , the nature of tasks makes me feel like a glorified QA and i am kinda feeling like wasting my 20s. should i quit?

my last company used to keep me on toes. they had this massive multi module fast evolving android app on which i used to work. it was made with latest techs from 2021/+ and combined with a lot of modules/architecture, it was very overwhelming at first.
i used to work 12+ hours everyday , not because of any pressure ( the pressure to execute fast was there, but the team was very helpful and understanding) , but because i liked to learn and explore.
at the end of my journey with them, i left with a lot of good memories with helpful seniors, a great knowledge of android dev and an unsatisfactory amount of bank balance.

my current company is... i guess ok. the work here is awkward. the product is made of either legacy techs(large verbose java project in which even concurrency or image downloading classses are written in project and not any 3rd party library) or techs that i don't find interesting ( unity , react native , flutter, etc projects that are just wrapper over native sdks)

its heen 6 months here and the growth for me here seems weird.

- i mean i can say i got to work on different techs but 1) am not becoming a master or anything useful in those techs . and 2) i already know a frontend framework i.e native android which i like and was growing in it.

- most tickets are client side tasks : client is unable to use some feature/product > i ask for their logs / app and weather they followed the docs/sample > they say we did> i check the logs which indicates that they didn't > i inform them the step and they are back to being happy. but most of the times i am also clueless and get to the conclusions after discussing with my seniors

- the non client tasks that i got were also not very interesting : one ticket was included testing out all sdks and 3rd party integrations and make a csv of what features are available in each . another was about creating a cicd pipeline that was kinda okay. but now its done so am guessing am back to making it useful by adding more unit tests :/

- however the work environment is very good i guess? daily scrum happens on MWF only, i get literally 0 meetings if not urgent on TT . apart from sat/sun and general festivals, the 3rd monday of every month is off . plus i get 2 additional paid leaves every month that gets can be carry forwarded for 11 months. in a nutshell, i feel like being the son of a school principal in school.

- pay is good , i switched here for an almost 100% hike

i have tried to utilise my time in learning different tech stacks (working on android all the time feels like unworthy) but i am not getting a kick. the satisfaction that i got in writing code that is immediately being used by 5 million people gave me the kicker to learn more and more.. but now am just feeling like being on a extended vacation where i have to sometimes wash utensils.

should i start interviewing with other companies? it's not like my current company is some well established corporate to always keep less worthy resources like me around. i am definitely worth getting the axe on the next possible layoffs

ComputerToucher: *opens Jira ticket* Dev team needs tokens for the APM for a new app with multiple tenants. Ezpz. Hey, developer. Do you want one golden token for all of your app tenants or would you like us to generate one token for each?

Developer: Let’s have a meeting to discuss it.

CT: It’s…an exceedingly simple question. One token or 4? Which does your app support?

Dev: Yeah I think we should discuss with this with the platform team, can you set up the call?

CT: (Internally) I am the platform team? Do you not know how your applica-never mind I’ll just ask the PM directly.

CT (in chat): I’ll ask PM to schedule the call.

*Goes back to Jira ticket, changes priority to 4, removes ticket from sprint entirely, picks something else to work on*

If it's not a ticket, it doesn't get done.

That simple.

That one colleague coming up with questions unrelated to his teams field, not grasping your explanation, then answering bitchy because he doesn't understand and finally sends you a new (totally moronic) jira ticket after you stop responding to him, totally killing your last bits of motivation and concentration for that day.

fuck you.

Each day, I read the vast swath of ticket hell hole that is our JIRA.

I read tickets that are written by people with not just 0, but an undefined understanding of technology...

I read tickets that are technically impossible due to this 0 understanding...

And finally, I laugh in bitterness seeing the time estimates stack up to months and months worth of work for which the managers expect to be done in 2-3 weeks 😂

ugh... another shitty day. its been 2 months since i joined this team , and i am counting the days that have not gone being shitty.
i am not doing any shit of a work, yet just sitting in front of company code and slack whole day, trying to figure out what am supposed to do and how.

- my task is currently making release of a unity sdk. i never worked on unity until 2 days ago when i gor this task.
- company laptop has a fuckin jamf with unity 2019 that won't even open properly. i raised a ticket to IT and somehow got it to update and work for my laptop after 2 days.

- now i am able to create a default project and get it to run, but now the company sdk that is supposed to be installed in a project causes the project to not build when i include it.

- other team members are being assholes. i message this guy 4 times in 10 minutes since i have no clue what to do, and this asshole replies after 6 hours, when i am having my lunch. and his reply ? "try to play around this . am working on a p1 bug so can't help now" wtf man give me something, i am stuck

- there are also issues raised on our github's page for sdk. i have no clue how our sdk works internally and yet i am expected to respond to these issues. i asked the same asshole to look onto an issue(whose reporter was nice enough to include a full stack trace and even the exact place which is causing ANR and his reply was "yeah check on this , ask the other(asshole) guy about it, he fixed ANRs before. look into the sdk, we don't need to reply on GitHub issues asap".

- the main problem here is : i have zero clue how to approach this sdk! i have implemented it completely in a sample project but the whole sdk is in java with so so many pointless (from my p.o.v) interfaces and base classes that i can't understand how to get to the bottom of it! and yet am supposed to jump into this stuff.

i hate when code feels like magic and job feels like prison janitor work. i want to get into action : add apis , build stuff , make a change , but somehow i ended up with the most boring and irritating job i could find.

i can't even just stop and work on my personal stuff because they have got jamf on this fucking laptop. us these async expectations are killing me

btw did i mention the tech lead has been having a fantastic time getting married and taking multiple vacations? yeah, that guy just took a call with me for like 3 times in last 50 days. this company is all so charming from outside : weekends off, 1/4 fridays off 3 days a week standup , but so less interactions is clearly making me , a new guy with already a very less interest in java and their various shitty sdks, very uncomfortable.

That moment where you're scared for you job because one of your merges seemingly broke the builds for the 2nd time in a week, had HR reach out, a more senior developer take over the ticket after it gets sent back from testing twice ONLY TO FIND OUT LATER IT WAS ANOTHER PERSONS TICKET THAT WAS CAUSING THE ISSUE

Are you content with your job or always searching for greener pastures?

I'm split inbetween. Current pay is very decent and working conditions are flexible. However, the work itself is not always that great. I find it to be comedically true how "hard workers" don't get promoted or bonuses, they get more work. There has recently been a heavy influx of what I'd like to classify as "shit tickets" since a guy who was the main "shit ticket doer" left the company after being burnt out.

I work with a small-ish digital agency as a BE dev, so I'm mostly dealing with small to medium scale projects built with WordPress/WooCommerce, with often custom API/ERP integrations on top. I'm not a big fan of the stack as a developer but as a contractor I can understand the business reasons why it is used. Part of me wants to find something else, part of me thinks I'm looking for a perfect company that doesn't exist and I should lower my expectations -- I might find better work for sure, but with the same pay and conditions? It seems unlikely at the moment. The company was recently acquired, so I'm hopeful for the future.

Question for devs who work in large multi-team environments:

A) What is your code review process like? Does a senior review it once and then it's off to QA or do you have "levels" of approval?

B) If you're launching a feature that depends on another team how are you coordinating it? Do you just talk over a ticket and then hit merge and deploy at the same time or like what's your process like?

C) What CI/CD tool do you use? Also what code hosting platform do you use? Github/GItlab/etc.

D) Are you currently happy with the CI tool you're using? If not what are some common issues you're facing?

I f*cking hate "ticket creep". I feel like half my worktime (as a tech lead) is spent just to contain what people ask for or report in a ticket. "No, you fool, this ticket isn't about that, file a different one!" is what i'm most likely to be thinking during any work day.

They did not renew my contract. Dude you left me hanging for a whole day (I was wondering if I even had a job or if it was just some sort of scam), then at my second task, on my third day, when I ask for a call to show me wtf was I supposed to do, told me to "just read".

The ticket was just a link to figma. I did my best, but missed some stuff that were supposed to change. It could have been avoided if you just took the time to show me around, you stupid fuck.

I started a new job, got through on-boarding and took my first ticket. Made my modification to the code base and the tests fail .. each time I run them .. on different tests .. randomly.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Me to my peer: "Yo the code that they sent us works but it sucks and is insecure"
My peer: "Yo that sucks they should definitely change that, go submit a ticket so they change it up, that really sucks!"
Me: *prepares ticket, gets it checked by peer:
My peer: YOoOoO U cAnT tElL tHeM tO cHaNgE oR tElL tHeM hOw tO wRiTe tHeIr CoDe ThAt ThEy DeLiVeR tO uS!1!1!eleven
--
classics

when a senior recommends you rewrite some code with their example snippet (which doesn't work), for the 3rd time, on a different ticket

i guess i should've called them out on the 2nd time this happened, instead of silently not doing so think i'd save them some dignity after telling them the first time they did this, their recommendation didn't pass automated tests

ticket scope getting expanded, sometimes being given wrong instructions

please kill me

Me [posts in community forum for software vendor]: Where can I find docs on X? I tried looking in the Knowledge Center but I couldn’t find it.

Random person replies and writes a two paragraph response about opening a support ticket with the software vendor…that response could really have been reduced to two sentences 😑

Alright after upgrading to Monterey, I literally can't open a single repo without Sourcetree crashing. Any alternatives? What do ya'll like as a git GUI?

inb4 "learn the commands" - I want to carefully separate files (or even hunks) by ticket number and can't be bothered to type all the commands out

i swear to god, my year end journey is taking the best kick out of me.

its less than 48 hours left now and shits that have happened since now are :

1. my mom cancelled our home to destination tickets once out of fear of omicron and then i had to rebook. that's INR 15000 down the drain with 0 returns and additional INR 6000 of re booking ( the ticket had 5 of my relatives and my mom's ticket. they are now reaching the place by train only)

2. just yesterday i found out that the bag that we are supposed to take had its zips rusted and i got to get it replaced. i also bought an additional trolley bag and kinda showed mg miser mindset and bought a 2 wheel large trolley instead of 4 or 8 wheeler and now the second trolley is a bitch to be carried on.

3.on friday , i ran a little extra , got exhausted , didn't had much food since diet, then ran some more in evening , then umm.., <exercised> some more in night . guess what ? the night was the chilliest in india , and my body caught cold, my sinus kicked in and i was on the verge of catching a fever which any stupid airport staff would directly declare as "omicron-coivd positive" . i didn't though, but this all could still happen , since i have not fully recovered from a runny nose.

4. its 48 hours left and i have just now caught this worst hiccups because i had to eat rice while watching standup comedies on a bed in a shitty posture .

this period of shitty happenings is not coming to an end. i just want a break for damn's sake. just yesterday i was on the verge of a heart attack when our dear old santa claus pm came on the television and started announcing .that guy has been known to fuck the whole country in his sudden announcements but thankfully he or omicron hasn't affected my journey plans........ yet

Best:
- Guiding few junior engineers.
- Figured out the root cause for an issue which would hampered the productivity of some folks.

Worst:
- Not being able to work on a proper dev ticket
- Not even being able to identify a proper fix for the issue mentioned above. (It is still in the works, but only after 2021)

My fucking lazy-ass coworkers haven’t made meaningful progress on anything for months. I’m brought in as the tech lead and these stupid fucks didn’t work on any meaningful shit for literal months. Their manager was asleep at the wheel and their old tech leads apparently need months to make a couple of minor database changes.

So I’m brought in to fix it, and… surprise! They’re still lazy pedantic assholes. And they’re shocked - shocked - that people expect them to start completing a project or two per quarter. Like these dense motherfuckers thought that they could be the most annoying pedants this world has ever seen, and also do no work.

I could have done their whole 5 month project myself in a month. No joke. It’s incredibly simple. But somehow the overhead of coordinating people who A. don’t work very hard and B. assume that every ticket needs special attention and 6 hours of ponderous thought has eaten into the time we have.

I don’t respect them in the slightest. They’re such shitty developers. Whoever signed off on their hire was fucking high.

Quick question for you all: How do you deal with a problem in production that you cannot fix, even over an extended period of time (say 2 months)?

For context I feel like I’m losing my sanity here, we’ve had this problem on our production API since the beginning of March this year. I’ve done so much testing, got in contact with various teams of my company to try to figure out any potential candidate that would explain the bug, but none worked out. No need to say I’ve spent a considerable amount of time searching on the internet for others with the same problem or similar… We’ve even opened a ticket with the cloud host to see if they would have more details about the problem without success. So how do you deal with that ?

Me: I opened a support ticket with the software vendor last week. I haven’t heard from them yet and the can be slow to respond. I’m unable to debug the issue on my end. If you can’t wait, here are some solutions to explore. [sends a few suggestions]

Stakeholder: Can I give you examples of another error that I think is related? Is that worth exploring?

Me: 😑 No. I’ve reached the limit of what I can do for debugging. I need the vendor to answer my support ticket.

Was asked today what type of service ticket was needed for a domain level whitelist request.. gave them the answer, and they tell me, “oh I don’t think I want to do that, I’ll just create a generic ticket and go from there.”

Why ask if you are going to do it your own way anyways..

This happens to often in all parts of IT. Someone consults you, tells you your suggestion sounds difficult, then try’s to take a short cut..

Good luck to them.. so glad it’s Friday! ✌️

Every single morning I despair. I can’t stand this job.
Why pay very highly and get very skilled people to have them working 4 to a support ticket. Doing the most mundane support tickets you have ever seen in your life (mainly updating client contact details)?
And why have such a rigorous recruitment process to get people’s in in the first place?

The company is pissing money away by working like this and all the new starters like me think it’s complete shit.
But the bosses and anyone who’s been here a while think it’s great. Company still is making loads of money so they don’t even care about it.

I’ve never met senior developers who have never worked on a greenfield project in their entire careers until I came here.

I can’t believe how I got suckered into this (was head hunted).

Does anyone have a feel for the UK contracting market right now?

I’m considering the jump but I think I’d have to be looking for remote only contracts because where I live has few opportunities ‘on-site’. Preferably c# / angular.

Is there much competition for roles or is there a shortage of skills in the contractors?

The thought of going into another permanent role that could be as bad as this genuinely keeps me awake at night.
I’m not sure I can go somewhere and then have it in the hands of managers to decide what projects I’m going to do and what tech it will be on.

At any big company there’s going to be tech debt as well as new work. So becoming perm now feels like it’s 50-50 whether or not a new job will just mean being put into legacy stuff for a couple of years or doing something that is actually good.

I’ve been talking various people about roles in government departments (multiple different departments are hiring) and because priorities change none the gov recruiters can guarantee what the work is that they’re recruiting for actually is.
Just that the the big recruitment push is to bring work previously done by consultancies back in house. Presumably because consultancies have been fleecing them.

How much of mentoring should I expect as a junior dev? 4 weeks in this job. I get assigned a ticket, tryhard for 3-4 days on it only for my implementation to be replaced by a mid/senior with another broken solution with new bugs which I dont even know how to debug. They are not even in the office, I have to call them and mentoring that I get is max 30min a week. Is that normal? I expected at least 30min a day mentoring. I feel that I cant grow here as fast as I would want to. If I wanted to waste my time on digging through dozens of articles to learn what senior could tell me in 10 minutes, I wouldnt have accepted this job.

So close to closing out this ticket only to be told “we have to start again cause of red tape”

Just end me.

In a sprint planning meeting, tickets are supposed to be detailed prior right? Right? So why are people asking basic "what are we supposed to be doing in this ticket?" questions in this meeting? I proposed doing these meetings and as soon as the concept got hijacked I knew this was going to happen, but damn it I had hope.

And I am so sick of my product manager not knowing the product. These meetings go so fucking cock-eyed because this woman can't be bothered to know the damn product. At all.

Am I right? Is this micro management?

So, in my new team, I have another coworker is my buddy, we are same level and I doubt here coding techniques as I have seen very bad code written by her.

The thing is, whenever I need to pick up a new jira, she starts telling me what code I need to change, without me understanding the ticket or the code.
She forced a code change which was obviously a bad one.
She asked me what did I do yesterday and said that I could have worked on this jira.

Although this is a start but I don't want yo waste my time working with someone who is trying to micromanage when I clearly have the potential to be working without her micro-managemnt.

The problem I see is that her priority is not learning but I don't know what is that but she worked on the tasks which are clearly not our teams work, in the initial informal chat she was too concerned with people being young in the company like who is married who is not etc.
I don't see her as a good developer.

Should I move to other project? or am I overreacting?

Is it normal to have a colleague have his notifications slack turned off during work hours? Whats worst is we're collaborating on a common ticket, and when I send her a message, she doesn't even reply and few hours later she always apologizing and having excuses. I don't want to be disrespectful but this has been affecting my work.

I tried Appgyver over christmas, since it promised easy front-end (no-)coding I was looking forward to getting rudimentary frontends done faster.
Well, the first real project that I wanted to start didn't compile anymore (internal error from the service), the page told me to reload and try again.
It failed again... And again.
Fine with me, I only spent 10 minutes on the project at this point.

I then searched for the bugreporting page and found it. The sad thing is that when I wanted to open a ticket the server crashed. It didn't even return a HTTP error, just a JSON saying there is a error and a GUID.

I have to say, if a Dev decided to have holidays without new issues that's one way of getting that done.

expanding ticket scope with refactoring

id really rather not