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My morning:
Me: Why did you just delete the failing unit tests?
Intern: I debugged it for a while and found one of the other developers broke it with his recent changes. I couldn't fix it.
Me: Did you let him know he broke it?
Intern: No.
Me: So you just deleted it and decided to pretend the feature isn't broken?
Intern: ... No ... I mean ... well you told us yesterday we needed to have all the tests passing.
(I NEED a stress ball people)30 -
Senior IT engineer enters the room and quietly talks to a coworker about a job related issue.
Another coworker decided to troll the sysadmin.
CW: *yells* "Open a ticket!" (That's the sysadmin's regular reply)
IT: *ignores*
CW: *trying to get his attention* "Open a ticket first! Then come back"
IT: *gives him the stare of death*
CW: "Go away and open a ticket!"
IT: *silently leaves the room*
After no more than a minute CW gets a reject from all networks outside the company's VPN.
IT comes back into the room, get's intimately close to CW's ear and says "Now open a ticket".
👋
🎤9 -
First day at work:
To install IDE - raise a ticket.
To get access to source control - raise a ticket.
To get access to bug tracker - raise a ticket.
To raise a ticket, I need first to connect to the intranet, but to do that, I need to raise a ticket.
AND even before that, I need a username to login to my laptop, raising a ticket is also required.
WTF?!!!25 -
A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.
One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.
The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.
On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.
One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!"6 -
I prefer silent kills.
× open Jira ticket classified as a BUG REPORT
× Title: "Mike"
× Description: "Mike is working with us"
× assign it to Mike
× reopen it every time it's closed6 -
"Opps.. I'm sorry, but you have insufficient rights to open this Ticket."
Well. You know what? I AM THE FUCKING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR YOU CUNT!
YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT RIGHTS to restrict me access to that fucking ticket!
"Oh. In that case, go ahead."
THANK YOU. FUCKING PRICK.4 -
How to get your Jira ticket resolved:
1: Assign in it the person
2: Mention him on the ticket
3: Remember the ticket number
4: Sneak into his office
5: 
10 -
Me: Can we do this with your module?
Creator: Yes
Me: How?
Creator: By adding the need values. Please see the docs. :)
Me: You have no documentation on this feature besides, "yes."
*Creator has closed ticket.*5 -
How not to give support..
Me: Creates ticket on support site, letting them know their webservice returns "maintenance" page.
Support: "It works on our end."
Support: *closes ticket*
Euhm.. excuse me?
Me: Creates another ticket with a screenshot and the curl response information..
Support: Sends screenshot back that it works on their end. "Maybe check your firewall"
Support: *closes ticket*
I ain't playing these games..
Me: Creates new ticket with more curl responses from 4 different servers to prove it's not "firewall" related.
Support: ..
2 days later
Me: Sends *friendly* reminder.
Support: ..
6 days later
Me: Creates ticket again saying I'm still having issues.
Support: "I'm forwarding this to our technical support"
Support: *closes ticket*
10 minutes later.
Technical Support: "Here's the manual for our integration .pdf."
Excuse me, you say what now? I KNOW HOW IT WORKS, I'VE WRITTEN THE INTEGRATION ALREADY. THE SERVICE JUST SEEMS TO BE DOWN FFS.. pls..
Me: Sends mail to their project manager who manages the clients dossier with support history and such.
Him: "I'll check it out and let you know."
1 day later.
Support: "We had some issues this and that, wasn't publically availble, works now, .."
What a nice way to waste your time..6 -
Co-worker has been sick for two days now (the guy that mainly helps me).
This has forced me to do nearly every ticket myself without asking questions.
It's going really great! I'm very happy about it tbh 😊7 -
There's one kind of ticket I fucking love. Wait, YOU LOVE TICKETS?! No, except for one.
Tickets where people ask us to restore backups.
Why do I love them?
Because the only fucking thing I need to do is reply with a link to a helpdesk item on our website because backups aren't something within our support range because it's easy for customers to do.
So whenever a ticket about restoring a backup comes in, it's as easy as opening the ticket, pasting the link with "I'd like to refer you to the following resource: " and pressing fucking "reply"
😄16 -
This is how my day has gone so far:
1. In car, see advert about hackathon
2. Look it up, see tickets go on sale in 30mins
3. Read more about hackathon, apparently tickets go within minutes
4. Get tickets, print
5. Printer out of ink
6. Accidentally deleted ticket, can't reprint
7. No more tickets left so can't get another
8. Spend hours with data recovery tools
9. Remember recycle bin. Reprint ticket
10. Cry
11. Rant on devRant11 -
Dear clients.
Putting your support subject or content either in uppercase letters or telling US that your matter/ticket has 'the utmost priority' doesn't mean anything to us. You'll just have to keep in line.
WE decide the priorities. Also, calling us when we haven't looked into your very fucking high priority ticket yet for about 5 FUCKING minutes is NOT going to help YOU.
- One of the Linux Support Engineers.9 -
Any idea why normal, intelligent people lose the ability to write coherent sentences as soon as they click into a bug ticket description text box?4
-
I really fucking need to learn to relax/chill out.
Fucked up something at work a few days ago but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal.
Then, yesterday, someone put a ticket on my name from the person/account I fucked something up with.
I spend yesterday evening and this morning worrying so much that I literally constantly had to talk myself down/calm
Asked this morning if it would be fixable easily because I couldn't hold my nerves anymore.
"oh yeah that'll take just a few minutes, just put the ticket on my name!"
I seriously need to learn how to control this 😞15 -
Client hasn’t responded to my questions for over 2 weeks, so I close her ticket.
”Why the hell did you close the ticket!? The problem still exists!”
Sorry, I’m not a mind reader..3 -
Being a student this was how my colleagues felt about my code and SQL procedures. They didn’t even let me create a change ticket to present to CAB 😂
12 -
Team Lead: don't ask me to help with your problem, open a ticket
*opens ticket*
*ticket gets routed to team lead*
Hahahaha :D3 -
Dev: To send push notifications, please open a ticket to get access to the new tool we are using which is dedicated to managing push notifications and push notification campaigns.
Me: ok done.
*5 days later*
Tool owner: Can you please add to the ticket the reason you need access?
Me: “To use it”2 -
I wrote an app that tells me if a lottery ticket is winning. It takes a picture of the ticket, does OCR, finds the number lines and compares them with a remote json.
I live next door to a lottery shop.10 -
When you're nearing the end of the day and you're totally not in for answering a ticket so you wait half an hour longer so that the receiving party can't reply before the end of your workday.
😅5 -
Someone call a dev, this website is sick!
I'm talking about the website of the German train company (Deutsche Bahn).
Their ticket information and selling module has not being feeling well for a couple of days now.
Symptoms include:
- error 500 pages when trying to find a connection through their search
- not being able to book tickets
- being able to book tickets, but receiving them twice
- being charged twice for one ticket
- not being able to download tickets you bought
Suggested treatment: If you were charged too much, you have to send them a letter by postal mail to get your money back.
Or buy a ticket directly at the train station.
What year is this? 🤔😐7 -
A friendly reminder that Deutsche Bahn fucking sucks.
Their trains show up 10 minutes later than they would have to everyday.
Once I saw that there was a train that was 120+ minutes late.
Today I had to wait almost 20 minutes at a SINGLE train station. Thus I couldn't enter the next train.
To my luck the next train arrives in an hour.
EDIT:
As a student it makes my life way harder than it already is.
It is not reliable at all.
They charge you with 60€ if you forget your ticket btw.
I don't forget my ticket though. My ticket is my campus card.
Their tickets are fucking overpriced and they are always damn late. I ain't paying for that shit. I would rather ride with a horse to the university than paying for a ticket.
Second EDIT as an update:
They just announced that my next train is going to come 10 minutes later. What a bloody surprise, eh?31 -
> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
<...>
< I log a JIRA ticket explaining what and how is wrong with the server with suggestions how to fix the problem so the app will not crash any longer (client own the server, has his own sysadmins -- I don't even had permissions to open syslog.. had to hack dmesg on their PROD server to pin-point the issue)
> no reaction from customer for weeks. I ping the ticket
× app crashes again
> no reaction from customer for weeks. I ping the ticket
> customer leaves a comment that their sysadmins are looking at it trying to figure out what might be wrong (ignoring what I wrote in ticket's description??? srsly?)
× app crashes again
< I post detail investigation details: snips from logs, screenshots, everything with crystal clear explanations.
> no reaction for weeks
......
well that's fun..6 -
That damn moment when you find out ... that ticket you spend a lot of time doing, well, there is a library for that.
1 -
Worst part of being a dev:
Writing down an issue in the ticket system for somebody else took longer then fixing the issue yourself.2 -
Internal support article to get access to a tool:
"To get access click 'NO' in the 'was this article helpful section' and open a support ticket, making sure to mention the tool you are looking to get access to"
What fucking fresh hell is this? Why not have the article, contain the fucking link to open the ticket.
You have intentionally put up a useless article, in order to hack your way around this stupid system.2 -
Get assigned ticket.
Finish the most of the feature. Finish most of the specs.
Push.
Second dev wants to own accounting half of the ticket.
Rip out half my changes, rewrite specs.
Push.
Code review asks for minor changes.
Finish them.
Push.
Product creep creeps the scope.
Finish the feature again.
Push.
Product creep creep-creeps the scope.
Finish the feature again.
Push.
New release happens.
Merge in master; fix conflicts. Run specs; random unrelated specs fail, some fail intermittently. Rabbit holes of complicated, unexplored, obviously-flawed code.
Fuck that. Push.7 -
Sometime it feels like I'm surrounded with idiots.
Got a Ticket:
Support: Please delete installation ABC from Server D.
Me: Checks everything. Installation is on Server E. Asks if this is correct?
Support: Just follow the instructions!
Me: Okey dokey. If you want me to be a hammer the installation is a nail... Drop database, Remove all files. nuke K8s resources
Support: Why did you delete the installation ABC? You should delete XYZ!
Me: Cause the ticket told to delete ABC on Server D and YOU told me to follow your instructions!
Support: Yeah but we just reused an old ticket. We wanted XYZ deleted!
It's not a big deal I can restore the shit but I hate it if a day starts with this kind of shit!
11 -
Ah... The satisfying feeling when you close a ticket with Not an Issue aka the User is Dumb...
Though it took a long time to get the evidence I needed...3 -
Intranet not working.
Delete certificates.
Still not working.
Ask IT.
You need to create ticket to delete certificates.
IT site is in intranet.
Intranet not working.
Ask IT to create ticket.
They can't create tickets for users.
FML
Just another day in corporation.1 -
Hey look, npm broke my project again. Surprise!
Code and dependencies on my local machine, all untouched for a couple of weeks, no longer works. I've no idea how it even managed that.
Oh, and `npm update` crashes.
eventually solved by upgrading npm and running `npm update --depth 500` because some arbitrary child dependencies changed without updating the parent packages, ofc. on my local machine. without me having run `npm update` for about a month.
because of course that makes sense.
Second time in two months, too.
isn't npm great?3 -
Wanna attend the developer conference?
White and male? Pay half a grand.
Female? Black? LGBTQIA? You get a free ticket!
Seriously, how would they verify if you are gay?
It appears to me that it's easily exploitable.54 -
I just had a non-paying customer call me useless a total of 5 times in a support ticket.
Banning them from all of my apps might be worth a bad review.10 -
Do you want to really annoy the hell out of someone?
Prerequisites:
1. JIRA account for you
2. JIRA account for the victim
3. JIRA app on victim's phone
Instructions below:
1. Create a ticket and assign / add victim as watcher.
2. Open your favorite IDE or editor with any of your favorite projects with lots of files with minimal sizes.
3. Drag the folder and drop into JIRA ticket window.
4. Enjoy 😎
Don't ask me how I figured this out 😁6 -
Adios Motherfucker!
Finally got that pile of misery finished. That simple ticket exploded in complexity and had quite a bit of scope creep. So so glad it's over. I mean, apart from code review and QA. But still. It's done!
Also: I may have been drinking already. Clearly not enough from the painful lack of typos and silliness. Gonna go work on that.6 -
Client: the app is slow
me: can you upload a thread dump to the ticket?
Client: here *uploads 2GB catalina.out.gz*6 -
Every Group Project in CS Major
Group 1:- Hey group 2 what project are you making ..?
Group 2:- Can't tell , Top Secret
FINAL Day:-
Group 1:- Railway Ticket Booking System
Group 2:-Railway Ticket Authorization System
Evaluators :- I think I saw similar idea somewhere....😂3 -
...when users create a ticket or call support because they forgot their password. Even though there is a big 'forgot your password?'-button right below the login form.
I always wonder if they also call Google or Facebook when they forget their password on those accounts...2 -
1. Mailserver is down.
2. Write a ticket to provider.
3. Can't get a reponse because of 1.
4. ?????
5. Profit
6. Scratch that. We're a start-up.5 -
One day I created a bug issue for intellij to the JetBrains guys. After some days this ticket got closed with status 'fixed'. That was kinda satisfying.1
-
Ticket: "I have questions about the system."
Nothing else. What are your questions???? Please tell me7 -
Coding is slowly starting become my ticket out of the military and allowing me to make a life for my family where we don't have to move every few years.6
-
I iust won a fully paid ticket with flight and accommodation to a machine learning research conference later this summer! Yaay!5
-
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Switches to working on it.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Switches team member to it.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Gets dev team to help with it.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Asks CEO to help on ticket.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Cries.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* Prays to Mecca.
* Urgent support ticket comes in.
* ...
I then find out two more urgent support tickets are about to come in.
And then another one.
Help.
4 -
Went out with friends last night to celebrate a birthday, on our way back with the train we are asked for our tickets. We had bought a group ticket (for 30€/5 Persons) and showed it to the ticket checker. It was 6:20 am at that point and we were all tired and just wanted to go home, but apparently the ticket was only valid to 6 am (it does not say that anywhere on the ticket and it is called a "9-o'clock day ticket"). That asshole seriously made a record about all of us and took 60€ from everyone of the 5 of us.
The Deutsche Bahn company is the only rail company in my region, there is nothing that could compete with them, so they just shit on their customers. And now they want to privatize the highways too? Stop making public traffic something to pay for! There is no competition if there is only one traffic company with the only highways or train-web in a specific region.6 -
Dear project managers,
Learn to use the fucking ticketing system. And by "use" I don't mean emailing IT asking them to open a ticket for you.
#GrowUpPinheads1 -
A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.
One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.
The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.
On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.
One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!" -
Me: *implements design given by client*
My boss: *opens ticket*
"This is not acceptable. this looks like a child made his first website"
k thxbye6 -
Support elevates a ticket.
Ticket: customer is getting a weird error uploading photo.
Can’t recreate. Tell support to call them back. I’ll sit in on the call.
Watch the process. Noting extraordinary...
Hmm.
Me: can you get the customer to open the pic in photo viewer?
Support asks as much.
Support: uh, he says he gets a similar error opening this photo in the photo viewer.
Me: 🤦♂️ that is a corrupt file! -
My new favourite response to a bug ticket:
"But do you not remember we tested the implementation and it worked?"
... yes ... then it broke under other circumstances.
... must be terrorists or something2 -
You dumb bitch. I will get to your fucking low level ticket when I’m done doing more important shit. How do you have a job if you don’t know how to use fucking excel?! GOOGLE IT you fuck!
-
When something doesn't work you open a ticket on the ticketing platform. Today ticket platform was not working: Ticket-Inception4
-
My company's logic:
If your account gets locked, you need to raise a ticket using the company portal. In order to access the portal, you need to enter your credentials.3 -
I'm so annoyed.
I completed the development and testing for one of my tickets last Wednesday. I assigned it to our QA on the same day. Now that we have to deploy it, he's bugging me about some failing test cases.
I'm so fucking glad that I updated that ticket with all the details before assigning it to him. I don't have to speak because the ticket speaks for itself but still, I'm pressured to work on that fix fast but you know what? Fuck you. I'll take my damn time. -
I opened a ticket earlier with my automated ticket script, and saw its number, so I couldn't resist.
-
Parked the car in a parking lot 15 mins before job interview. Plenty of time to spare.
Go to pay for parking.
Ticket machine doesn't accept cards. Fine, I have notes.
Ticket machine doesn't accept notes. Shit, I need to go get change quick.
FUCKING FUCKER DOESN'T ACCEPT £1 COINS WELL WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU ACCEPT THEN YOU FUCKING FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY JOB INTERVIEW OR GET A £80 FUCKING PARKING FINE9 -
yes dear colleague, it is totally fine to send me a ticket without your name in it, about a legacy website I know nothing of, that recently migrated away and is now on a server we don't maintain and for which I don't have the login credentials. I also can't log into it's CMS because, you guessed it, they changed the password after migration. But sure, just assume that I can do magic and solve the ticket just because the customer has been calling you and you got fed up with her and you wanted to go on holidays. advsfrgghsaffs!!!
-
Started work: 9:30am
Finished work: 9:30pm
Finally finished my "basically done" ticket from two days ago, though I'm still not sure if it's behaving correctly. It deals with the Apple wallet and iPhone notifications, and all I have is an emulator, so. 😕 Things work as expected maybe half the time? and idfk why. I'm going to leave the actual testing to QA since they have actual iPhones and it'll run on staging on actual servers with actual connectivity and actual pushes, so maybe then things will actually make sense. Until then? So done.
Started drinking: 9:30pm
Finished drinking: TBD
<media lyrics="I don't know what the fuck just happened but I don't really care, imma get the fuck up outta here. Fuck this shit i'm out" />2 -
Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter
Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox
This is why we need a product owner4 -
We started a project in January for which I was the sole developer, to automate tedious interaction with a vendor's ticketing system. We have a storage environment with about 400,000 commodity disks attached(for this vendor-- there are other vendors too), in sites around the US and Canada. With a weekly failure rate of about 0.0005%, that means about 200 disks a week need to be replaced.
This work-- hardware investigation through storage appliance frontends, internal ticket creation, external ticket creation, watching the external ticket for updates to include in our internal ticket --was all manual, and for around 200 issues a week, it was done by one guy for two years. He was hopelessly behind. This is all automated now, and this morning, I pushed this automation from dev/test to production.
It feels great to see your work helping people around you.8 -
missed a plane. the first trip to my country is after 24 hours.. had to pay for another ticket..
yeah, welcome 20194 -
“You have a Jira?”
“You need a Jira, first”
“Open a Jira”
“You need a Jira for that too”
“That Jira is on the wrong board, plus you need to email _this_ form first”
Jira, Jira, Jira-fucking-jira, AAAHHHHHHHHHHH, STOP!
My job appears to be nothing more than an abstraction layer around Jira. A leaky abstraction11 -
New ticket: Add Feature
description: (will be updated)
Last famous words before the creator went on vacation until app release1 -
Never mess with a motivated developer. I will make your life difficult in return.
Me: we need server logs and stats daily for analysis
DBA: to get those, you need to open a ticket
Me: can't you just give me SFTP access and permissions to query the stats from the DB?
DBA: No.
*OK.... 🤔🤔🤔*
*Writes an Excel Template file that I basically just need to copy and paste from to create a ticket*
This process should not take me more than 2mins 👍😁😋🙂😙😙😙😙😙😙😙😙
For them.... 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈10 -
Got a ticket form a client reporting a calculation giving the wrong outcome.
In return I ask her what she thinks the outcome should be and why.
"The right answer because I said so."
Yeah thanks that's going to help a lot. -
That feeling when you spend the day fearing a ticket in your queue and when the moment comes and you try to reproduce it, you discover that it was actually resolved the whole time..
2 -
"We shall be doing maintenance on Friday 13th at 20:00 hours on our core routers"
I dont know if your insane or what. Dont think it helps that the ticket this created has 666 in its id....1 -
A company contacted me about their custom ticket system not working
Then after asking them couple things they just wanted me to look at emails they found stacked and lost in the ticket system archive:
One clients ticket somehow got caught in between updates and hes been answering the auto close notification (each ~3 days because it never got closed) of the system, with ranging from "yes, thank you, I have solved the issue" escalating to "why dont you leave me alone, I have told you, I have fixed it, please stop", poor guy 🤣 -
Colleague calls the IT support because he forgot his Windows login after the holiday.
IT Support: "Please go to the intranet and write a ticket" - telephone call ended.6 -
A previous project manager thought that by marking every ticket as high priority, they would get done faster.
// priorities1 -
A ticket got escalated through 3 levels of techs. I open the escalation email, then do a Reply-all and ask one simple question:
Is the client really asking why there are gaps in monitoring when their servers are shutdown?1 -
New AD account.
cannot login.
Want to create a ticket.
Need a login to create ticket.
*genius*
Go to coworkers machine.
Open ticket there.
They respond, the user must create the ticket himself.
Ffs!1 -
App 1 and 2 is basically same thing and 3 one is app just for commuter trains, what don't provide anything extra for commuting that 1 and 2 don't provide. App 1 is really old and UI and UX feels from stone age. 2 is quite fresh looking and feels good. 3, well never used it.
But here is a thing, I use train to commute, but not commuter train (one that stops on every train station) so I use 2 now. But I can't purchase season tickets (1 month tickets) from any of those apps so I need to buy it from website. And website sends me a PDF file what has QR code ticket I need, yes I was logged in my account when I purchased ticket but still can't see on any app my ticket even though they have "my tickets" section.
So there is 3 apps what are totally useless for quite simple thing.
11 -
Just closed a TOP PRIORITY ticket with "as designed"..
After a 1 minute talk with the developer who wrote this code, I found it is actually deliberate..
So I just closed the ticket..
but what really bothers me is:
That developer, is sitting right next to the QA.
HE IS SITTING RIGHT THERE..
We are a small startup company, everyone are sitting around the same table..
communicate much?1 -
New ticket:
Ticket: "I just spoke with-"
Me: "LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE! IM NOT GONNALET YOU FINISH! IS THERE A PROBLEM? THEN HAVE THE PERSON YOU SPOKE WITH / SAW THE FUCKING THING HAPPEN CONTACT ME! ALMOST NEVER IN MY LIFE HAS A GAME OF TELEPHONE EVER DONE ANYTHING BUT FUCKING DRAGGED OUT THE PROBLEM! WIDGET DOESN'T WORK? THING DOESN'T DO A NON SPECIFIED THING? FUCK YOU FOR DROPPING ALL THE INFO I NEED AND SENDING A VAGUE EMAIL!!!"
-ticket set to not gonna do shit until someone who saw the thing gets off their ass and says what is actually happening-1 -
Worst Jira ticket I've ever seen:
Title: "It looks f#?$ed"
Description: ""
This gem was opened by the project producer. When asked about it, it was just a mismatch in text margins. -
Fuck NYC....just got hit with a fucking parking ticket for double parking. $115. *sigh* *pets cat in sadness*17
-
I'm taking a vacation in two weeks to hopefully recover from this burnout. I don't know if I can make it that long.
I've been trying to work on a ticket for the past two days. I don't even know what the ticket says. Just something about optimizing the Google pay object api. idk. I just can't. I need to have it done today though. Bleh.8 -
Just got a ticket reassigned to me from another employee leaving the company. The "Days to Due Date" field says -964.
It's for a very simple task that takes max 2 hours. Contacted the guy who created the ticket and it's still needed.
Excuse me what the fuck.6 -
We have an e-commerce platform. One guy uploaded a blurry product image later he created a ticket on Jira that the image is too blurry at the storefront and asked if we can do something about it.6
-
The new ticket / check-in terminals of the local busses apparently run on linux 😃
(Sorry for the bad pic quality)
8 -
So, I got a ticket to make a page using a given wireframe that had submit buttons and other buttons to add more items in the wireframe.
So, I pull the html, hook up the abilty to submit the form and add items, and send it out for review.
One comment on the review.
"Remove the functionality, you'll handle it in the next ticket"
So I commented out the javascript. Guess what I'm doing on the next 10 minutes.1 -
So you remember the old, not so good days, when your app worked in all the browsers besides stupid Internet Explorer?
So I through those days were long gone, and today ticket that functionality doesn't work in Edge.
Good part of the story? Ticket number is 666.2 -
And the award for the best ticket if all time goes to:
"Create script"
No open questions. Of you don't understand, are you really a dev?
In all seriousness, this thing was in the board for like 3 days and nobody raised any questions...11 -
Support Team Member opened a ticket.
> This customer's image isn't loading.
Load image, it's white and transparent on a white page. -
When you get a ticket saying that a user can't see a record so the system must be broken, then after an hour of looking into it; said record never existed... Please stop wasting my time -_-
-
What would you think about sharing something cool (preferably tech related), or weird, or f-ed up about the country or the city you live in?
I'll go first, here in Cluj-Napoca, Romania the internet really fast and dirt cheap like 1gbps fiber for 15€/month.
2. The government paid like millions of € to add ticket vending machines for public transportation and they mostly don't work, I managed to crash one while buying a ticket. Card payment is not functional on like half of them. Also they run Windows......... What a joke...
Looking forward to hear your stories on this topic!4 -
while true; do
echo "Drop everything this $LATEST_TICKET is your highest priority now!"
sleep(3600)
done1 -
I just want to make it clear for all the PMs out there...
If you don't put it in a fucking ticket, or don't mention a feature you want in a ticket, I will not do the work or forget put something into a feature.
Write that bitch up if you want it done.2 -
When your PM files a ticket saying "make better use of space" on your UI feature
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??7 -
Thank you, dear 3rd party vendor replying to my ticket to my work email and sending me my new password IN FUCKING PLAINTEXT!
10 -
when you have to use the bathroom but you just keep telling yourself "I can finish this ticket in like 5 minutes tops"
30 minutes later... still haven't gone1 -
Raised a support ticket with an api provider about unclear error messages. They were as confused as I was and as the thread continued I essentially ended up debugging thier application for them!3
-
> Be me
> Using another country's public transit system for the first time
> QR reader can't read my bus ticket
> Ask the bus driver about it
"Sir, can I check myself in here?"
"Very high-tech system, isn't it?"
"Sir, I'm a programmer..."
"Shitty system then? Maybe you could fix it?"
(thinking: you're not paying me for this you bastard, and if you want me to get a manual for this piece of shit to repair what should've worked in the first place, you're sorely mistaken...)
"Probably I'm the kind of person who would... Anyway the ticket is valid."
I didn't bother checking the ticket afterwards.
All I wanted to do was get on your bus mate 😐11 -
Explaining why I need something installed on my work laptop in a request ticket: BECAUSE IT LOOKS COOL1
-
I work as a customization and integration developer. Two months ago a customer opened a support ticket with an issue they encountered. I fixed it and released the new package. Today they opened a new ticket on the very same issue. Turns out they never even installed the fixed version.1
-
Lotus Notes is absolutely the worst platform known to man. Every time a ticket comes in I want to set the Domino servers on fire.11
-
Getting "bug" tickets from customers complaining about EXACTLY WHAT I DESCRIBED WOULD HAPPEN. THATS NOT A F&)$*(%$(*# BUG, THATS LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD WHAT I WROTE IN THE TICKET LAST WEEK YOU F&#*(@#$() NEANDERTHAL PIECE OF SH$%*(#(*)!!! WE AGREED ON THIS EXACT BUSINESS PROCESS WEEKS AGO. DO YOU EVEN READ THE WORDS THAT I WRITE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA5
-
When a ticket comes in I usually jump right on it, get about half way done with it, then either get stuck or it's lunchtime/end of day.
I really should take the gifs advice.
5 -
A newish client just sent a channel ticket marked as "urgent", which set off the alarm for everybody in the chain, with an amazon link to lingerie.
I seriously don't know how to react to this, since I really hope it was a mistake and not how he expects us at the next meeting lol
To send such a ticket you have to confirm your pin and confirm the urgency reason too by the way, so the only thing coming to my mind is, it was some sort of clipboard fail?3 -
DevSup channel:
Someone: FYI, Db is down(ticket link)
Otherone: Can anyone help me connecting
with db? I am having issues.
I am so happy I am leaving this place in 2 months.... 😂😂1 -
0. The conference room TV has no sound.
1. I submit ticket to Facilities.
10. Facilities closes ticket saying that's up to Service Desk.
11. I submit ticket to Service Desk
100. Service Desk closes ticket saying that up to Facilities
110. ???
111. Profit2 -
> Get told my teams products don't work
> I say file a ticket so we know and can assist
> No tickets filed after 4 weeks,
> Team still complains my teams products don't work
Who else has mindless complainers? -
2 months into my first dev job, everything looks like a Jira ticket now.
Mum: wash the dishes
Me: create a ticket for that... i estimate the story points to be 27 -
Getting a ticket that a feature is having problems when you triple-click it. Otherwise it works fine.
I'm so close to write them simply back: "Then don't fuckin do it?" -
Joined as an Intern at an MNC, There was an issue with creating the account so a ticket was raised. Now to view the ticket, I have to log in the account :)1
-
Bug fixed! Commit, close ticket.
Ticket reopens. Dang.. let me test it. Still fixed, wtf? Send message to QA guy that opened it again.
"Read my comment." Comment has some entirely different yet slightly related bug.
Leap out window.1 -
Not fired, but shot by my college, if I create a ticket that our software-ui isn't rendered correctly with font size 721
-
So there was one plus invite sale today in India !
I think the ticket were sold out early!
Then there is this guy in twitter 👇
-
Random code review:
contractor changes 2 lines in the .gitignore and 1 line in the composer.json and logs 4.5h against the related ticket .. hmmm3 -
The shitty trainticket-app doesn't sell me any tickets. Who the fuck coded this crap. I really tried hard to pay for a fucking ticket...2
-
Got a spare ticket to a MONO concert in Berlin this coming Monday. Will give away for free.🎸🎙️🎹
Any Berlin post-rock fans?
4 -
I haven't felt an urge to post on here in a while just because things have been going so well. But this month, is just not that kind of month anymore.
I'm upset. I'm upset by how I've been uprooted from my routine. I know I shouldn't be that bothered by it and things always change. But what the fuck is this company thinking to be using it's own fucking home baked ticketing system!
WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS THIS SHIT!
Let's go over the issues it has
1. I can't fucking email my clients through it
2. all emails are not recognized automatically. In other words each new email creates a new ticket if it does not have the tracking number attached to it.
3. I have to fucking hunt around in my inbox that is now bombarded by every email that is created for this ticketing system. Slap on a fucking tracking number. And then HOPE TO FUCKING GOD that the person on the other end doesn't erase the subject and cause the system to create a new ticket just for it.
Let's go over Zendesk which they've decided to decomission.
1. I. DON'T. HAVE. TO. DO. ANY. OF. THAT. FUCKING. SHIT.
2. That's it. It's fucking simple
Seriously. They forced me off of my original platform because this company already had a "ticketing system", if you can even fucking call it that, working.
And just if you weren't aware, all of this change happened because my company got bought out. It got bought out by this behemoth company that isn't willing to let me continue using a system; that has been very efficient, mind you, and instead make me use their system.
I. FUCKING. HATE. THIS.
Every fucking day! I have to do this stupid bullshit of emailing clients from my personal work email instead of on the direct ticketing system.
When I first started using this thing I actually thought I could use it to email the clients. For a solid two weeks I was "communicating" to clients through their ticketing system. Only to find out that the entire time those clients were not getting my actual fucking email! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Then these guys tell me after the fact. "Oh that's strange... We never noticed that you can't send emails through it... We always just had used our work emails."
Are you fucking jerking my chain! You guys have literally been sitting in this slimy pit of hell for so long that you don't even know there are better options out there!
You don't have to fucking live this life!!
I don't think I'm going to make it. Something needs to change. And I know upper management isn't going to do it, because I fought hard to try and keep Zendesk. They are not keeping it. After this next quarter it is officially gone.
I'm trying to think of coding solutions to make my situation better... But I shouldn't have to fucking do that! There are perfectly good working solutions out there, and this company doesn't want to budge because "that's the way we've always been doing it"
I'm going to fucking rip out my hair. -
Meme quoting one of our employees who sent in a ticket asking if something was a "phishing technique without the use of email."
-
So I was just informed I have 40 tickets with my name on them. No big deal normally except that I had no idea and was scheduling based on the fact that I knew I had 25 on my plate and most of them were OBE. How did I find this out you ask? Well rather than updating the tickets in our ticket tracking system, my PM updated a spreadsheet that is out in no man's land. So it looks like I have been doing no work for the last 3 months when in reality I have been busting my ass to get shut done and fixed. Why even have a ticket tracking system?
-
The fact that buying a paper train ticket from automates in Germany requires you to write your name on it afterwards with a pen is putting me through a lot of pain.20
-
I have no desire to be a jira centric developer.
I don't want to be proficient in handling a board or spending my days as a consultant in ticket comments.
I just want to grab a ticket and write code.
Anything short of this is not why I got into development.14 -
Stuff heard at my college that has business and web developer teachers: (while some teachers were setting up a support ticket system): Oh, just put in my password that I use everywhere, (then proceeds to spell it out to the people setting up the superadmin account for her)
-
Get a ticket for a low priority bug, reported internally. Fix the issue mentioned in the bug.
Moves to QA environment, the original bug reporter tests and *passes* the ticket.
Moves to Staging environment, same exact individual then *fails* the testing. Cites totally new/unrelated changes that need to be made.
Apparently our the workflow is -
Code->QA->Staging->Requirements
Makes sense! :)1 -
Project Manager logic (the best kind).
PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.
Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.
PM: ... but he marked them all as critical
(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)2 -
Why is nothing ever simple?
I was reviewing a ticket to update the external libraries to the latest versions and ended up finding a bug in the newest version of one of the external libraries... -
Can someone relate to it? We have a very simple process:
1. Create a ticket 🎫
2. Specify the requirement 📑
3. Assign the ticket to a developer 👨🦰👩🦰
4. Optional: make a meeting with the developer and go throw the specification if it is a complex feature 🗓️
Under pressure it looks like this:
Someone tells you to implement the request as fast a possible, no written specification, in best case you get a brief email 📧 also the feature has to be available asap in production and they is only poorly tested...
Or they want to test in production because the data in test system is "missing" ⛔☢️☣️
It is so annoying that is so difficult to stick to such a simple process 😭 it really freaks me out 😒😫14 -
Recently, one of my customers filed a ticket because some iFrame he got from another company wouldn't display after putting it into the content editor.
I told her it won't work because the (third-party) editor prohibits JavaScript inside iFrame tags and their attributes for security reasons.
She said ok. She said she'd understood the problem. And then, she reopened the ticket four (4!!!) times for the exact same reason, once because she tried to use a fixed iFrame tag the other company sent to her... still containing JavaScript, of course.
But, yeah... She understood what the problem was. Is clear.1 -
This is the kind of company that provides online ticket sales for one of the bigger cinemas in Italy. Yes, registration is unavoidable.
1 -
If anyone is interested in crypto challenge. This one started 30 mins ago. First one to complete, will receive a free ticket to JSheroes conference.
http://crypto.jsheroes.io3 -
Told to work on a ticket with a partner. Partner changes my code to what they wanted. Review comes back and partner has to change back to my format.
*sips juice coz I love the violence* -
Oh goodie, my support ticket has been updated.
It's blank..
Way to go company !
Talking to other customers, they tell me, if you are a user of their freeware version, they don't offer support (Even though this isn't mentioned anywhere, and you can summit a support ticket from your account..) so all you get back is empty replies..
Why even bother sending back a reply if its empty ! -
Fucked up.
Reviewed a code and gave ship it for a colleague's code change.
In a single day, got high severity ticket cut to the team.
I am done. Not going to do anymore code reviews. I suck at it.3 -
Our favorite ticket system blokes are back with a big fat update for their software.
What changed?
All workflows are fucked because everything is somewhere else suddenly!
Half of the features suddenly stopped working!
Variable formats in forms have been changed from {} to [] without reason, migration or warning! Sorry, {Username} ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Half-assed features that don't work half of the time have also been added!
Fucking great!
Who beta tests this shit? Nobody?2 -
When you raise a ticket with your support team that your prod server is currently down and they mark it as a medium request, like dude... seriously?! Get it sorted ASAP paleaaaaase4
-
Manager X: (logs a support ticket) "Agent is unable to access system using the password provided."
Me: "You're going to have to narrow it down a little, we have over 1000 active agents."
I hate the support side of my job... -
Talking about Deutsche Bahn ticket buying not working, but the NS sends me emails with non-functional buttons to press in order to get my ticket. What a train wreck2
-
Customer CCs me and some other devs:
"Why isn't there a support ticket on this? I didn't get an email about a support ticket opening!!!!!!!!"
-check's email-
To: donotreply@......
¯\_(⊙_ʖ⊙)_/¯ -
So... I take over this one ticket to test... the ticket mentions some visual component popping up when a button is clicked. It says there is a success and a failure message. The title of the story also mentions another functionality.
I start testing and some fellow QA asks me why I'm testing in this environment. Turns out, three people are sharing one environment and three different things are deployed...
I ask the dev whats going on because I heard there are multiple people deploying stuff...
He just tells me "oh, my changes are deployed I just checked".
I tell him that it's not about that but about communication and testing one thing at the time. Then I tell him, that I wouldn't test until his stuff is the only stuff there.
Some time later he hits me up again, now with the env to himself.
I test and quickly I see, that there is only the positive message even when I make sure that the backend is not reachable. I tell the dev what I found and he tells me "oh no, it's just the implementation of the popup thing, it's just frontend for now"...
I tell him, that the ticket should say so.
No answer for like 1-2 hours. Then I get an "ok".
End of the day.
Next day I come in and the fellow QA tells me, that the dev asked him to test the ticket.
I ask him if he changed anything about the scope of the ticket, he says no...
I'm like "ok... know what... begin testing and then tell him what I already told him".
So he's testing and then tells him again to update the scope.
Later in the daily the the dev's update is besically "they won't test my ticket..."
It would have taken him like 1 fucking minute to update the ticket...
The whole QA team was always trying to being helpful and even when the tickets where sometimes not 100% clear we always made it work... but now we are more and more going towards "MR does not meet ticketdescription, fix it" and "I don't care if its just a small thing... fix it and then come back to me"...
Seriously frustrating some times...2 -
Ticket waiting for code review for days. I have to rename methods.
Tickets goes again to code review. Waiting there again for days. Oops! there is something the code reviewer didn't see before!
Ticket goes to code review again, waiting for days there.
Boss comes to me telling it takes me too long to close tickets. -
user an support: bekomme keine push-nachrichten.
support: darf ich ihre User-ID haben?
user an support: CHE-123.456.789
support an user: nein, das ist unserer Mehrwertsteuer-Nummer, wir brauchen ihre User-ID.
User an support: mann seid ihr umständlich, nehmt doch die Nummer und probiert es erstmal.13 -
The lead put a comment in my PR asking to look at the ticket again. I did. He obviously did not. Thank you very much, asshole.4
-
Story Time: About Priorities and Sales
So at this point I'm working tech support for a company that makes some super cool networking equipment, think big data / data centers and such.
This company had grown at a good pace but the the support team had not (thus is the way for all tech support evetually). So I get a call from a frantic sales guy:
Sales: "OMG, where are with this ticket?!?!? It's a P2 ticket!!!"
Me: "Well the ticket came in 30 minutes ago, I emailed them some questions, but just so you know I have 8 P2 tickets, and 4 P1 tickets.... so it will be a while."
Sales: "OMG! Make my customer's ticket a P1!!"
Me: "Sure."
-call ends-
-30 minutes passes-
-sales calls again-
Sales: "OMG, where are with this ticket?!?!? It's a P1 ticket!!!"
Me: "Well I haven't gotten to them yet... just so you know I have 7 P2 tickets, and 5 P1 tickets.... "
Sales "ARGH!"
ʅ（´◔౪◔）ʃ1 -
Wow WTF!
So for a new client, they have their domain on a registrar that has the most ugliest and confusing UI ever.
So I decided to transfer the domain to somewhere better.
Guess what, it takes 5 days for them to release the domain. The site would be down and I won't be able to proceed with my work until transfer is complete.
In hopes to speed up the process, I tried to create a ticket. There is no ticket system and their only available contact email listed is sales@shittiestdomainregistarever.com
I mailed them yesterday evening hoping for a reply.
Few hrs ago, I received a bunch of automated email on some ticket I never created.
The biggest WTF is that the To: on that email is some other customer's gmail address and I am CC'd along with a bunch of other customers gmail and hotmail addresses.
Seriously, WTF is this?! I'm glad I took the decision to move from them20 -
other team: accidentally deploys app to staging with incorrect config file
app: gets 401 response from our API due to bad credentials
other team: opens ticket claiming our API is broken and whining that it's holding up their release
me: (⌐■_■) -
I'm going to let you know right now:
If you don't put it into a ticket, I'm not going to do the work.4 -
[slack]: here's a nice workspace name. Let's take it.
Workspace started to be unusable (constant refresh). Ticket sent.
[us]: We should delete it and create it again.
Few minutes later - workspace name unavailable. Ticket sent.
(48h later)
[slack]: my precious!!!
1 -
So I was opening a support ticket on the portal of our cloud provider
I went to copy the affected database instance to put it in the ticket
for some reason ctrl+c didn't work and I pasted what was in my clipboard instead
and didn't notice until the issues was submitted
This what was in my clipboard
http://quotesnhumor.com/wp-content/...3 -
Can't wait to get back to work tomorrow, long weekend of family has got me antsy for a jira ticket1
-
Since we are developers I want to know how many of you guys are attending the We are developers 2018 conference in Vienna this year.
I bought my ticket the other day and I'm super excited 😊1 -
Dear Docker Support,
You suck.
--
regards,
User with unanswered ticket for a month (and not the first time)3 -
Dev work estimation is harder when the higher ups gives you a one line jira description and expect you to provide them with a timeline. Like how many times i gotta send the ticket back up the pipeline ><1
-
People who think that emailing, texting, voicemailing, whatsapping and skyping are acceptable alternatives to raising a ticket/defect/issue
-
One month ago, two tickets were opened by two different people for the same bug.
I picked the one with the most informations and rejected the other by giving the ID of the other ticket, and then assigned it to the person who opened the ticket.
Today, I see that ticket coming back to me, with the status back to Open, and the comments "The ID given is this ticket's ID!"
I mean, yes, I did a typo and typed a 5 instead of a 6.
They could, like, test to see if it was patched (been one month), or contact me by mail or Skype to ask me if I didn't make a typo in the comments, but no, they decided to reopen the ticket for this.
Thanks. -
Locked out of machine...
Email to open ticket...
Ticket confiration in email call number pls...
Calls number, dial options menu...
Option 3 ... Presses option 3...
Please leave a voicemail describing your issue...
Rinse repeat3 -
was trying to book some ticket, after entering every detail at the payment page this happened and there is not even back button. fml
-
Today in the train world - no ticket paper at the ticket automats, but money is still taken. This results in the ticket controller having to write my stations on the receipt paper. Is this 21st century Western Europe?5
-
they're having me log my time in 30 minute increments, with each 30 minute block assigned to a jira ticket, as well as keeping track of my slack status throughout the day3
-
Yesterday morning I was working on importing records to a Shopify store. A few thousand records in their API starting returning status code 420 with the message "Unavailable Shop", same for the admin panel.
I called support and they created a ticket but it's been almost 24 hours and our shops API and admin panel are still on a smoke break apperently. -
There should be a dev superhero. Like DevFace or Dr. Debug! And his special ability would be sth. like RealWorldInjection.
time.stop ()
car.engine.speed += 500
food.make ('Cheeseburger')
So many possibilities 😆😃 I would buy a ticket for the movie!2 -
I need someone to relate with me
This crazy ticket finally got put into integration testing after coming back from testing 6 different times with problems. Its an issue with lots of race conditions and machine dependent problems. Im so proud that its finally going to staging after all the hardship and then they find a problem in staging and have to revert it out. Im devastated. I look like a fool for failing this ticket yet again. I cant even find a fix for it quick enough cause its such a difficult process. I feel like an absolute failure today.3 -
TFW you are finally making progress on a project... and a ticket comes in. Ok, just knock that out... intern needs help. Ok, real quick, I'll help my man out... boss wants to discuss a new project. Ok... what was I working on?
-
'It's just...' is the biggest lie any co-dev can give you!
If it's just a small change why don't they do the god damn work and spend the next 2 days wading through an undocumented shit storm.
Next person to say 'It's just x, y & x', that ticket will be going up their tail pipe sideways! -
Not a true dev rant but still thought I'd share:
Systems team installed new software product I've been asked to setup and test. Within 15 minutes of getting into the software I've already had to open two support tickets with the vendor. Fast forward two hours and I'm putting in a third support ticket. SMH.2 -
Spend about half the day fixing a bug. Whilst reporting it complete on our ticket system, QA change the ticket's expected outcome. Ffs.
-
I just got a ticket asking me to pull a 'smart' report for a customer 🤦♂️
it scares me someone thinks this is an actual thing...4 -
I've been banned from reddit after I asked r/communism101 when was the vanguard party and how much was it for a ticket.7
-
STOP FUCKING ADDING MORE STUFF TO THE FREAKING TICKET, the stuff you're asking for me to do doesn't have anything to do with this TICKET, WHY DO YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS FUCKING SHIT!?
TL:DR Client asks for this: -------
Finishes the project with this: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
*Me sees ticket thinks its easy enough if done this kind of ticket before*
Opens up repo, does all FE, starts BE, okay should be easy open up the Model for this, oh...
Theres no model..
but how was this even working before o.01 -
When IT is like : hey our new grafana is at this place "some URL"
I submit a bug ticket: "I can't see metrics about this server that has been running for a while"
Their comment on the ticket : the URL to the old grafana -
Half sleeping at the train and writing some codes on the back of the ticket ... What is wrong with me1
-
Does anyone else's manager measure their performance based on jira ticket count or merges to master? It feels like a new lines-of-code measure to me...5
-
Someone should really close the COVID-19 ticket. Or at least make it ready for technical/PO review.1
-
Today I've seen 2 bsod on 2 different ticket machines at my local train station.
I'm late as hell, probably not arriving in time for the exam, but at least I laughed. -
Anyone understands what the motivation is for refusing to read a screen barcode as a Greyhound ticket?
3 -
Storytime.
once upon a time, there was a dream: we need to test the vagrant setups for our Devs, so that they can run these against the production environment of puppet without problems.
in the year of 2016, the once lone ranger - our team lead - created the ticket. don't. even. ask.
the idea was to build these vagrant setups via bamboo, log the results and fix the setups afterwards.
after weeks of brain fuckery (aka daily business), home office madness, beer, java specs, more beer and many failed builds, I made it.
bamboo now builds the fuckers via a dedicated agent now and I closed the ticket today \o/. -
Oh you want that ticket closed from a week ago? Okay how about every time i finish it, you quit reopening it and adding more tasks and features to shit ive already redesigned/gutted/debugged about 20 fucking times.1
-
Systems guy: this is how you slow down development projects. By tying design to a software development ticket.
Software guy: yeah but that's how you get reminded to do the work and tie a design requirement to the software development effort in the ticket.
Systems: why do I need to be reminded of my design work?
Me: because you're a year behind software and at this point you are just documenting what software has already done?
Sometimes I feel like the design guys don't understand that if they want to be involved in the process they need to NOT keep us waiting until right up against the deadline to give us the design. -
script closing error-opened tickets from a customer using a tool which just repeatedly clicks on the same pixels over and over again... Error chance of around 50% if other windows open or the ticket window is resized a bit. There was a pretty high risk a real ticket a auto-closed with custoner-information by error...
Everything went well. About 1k tickets were closed by the script while I sat there and looked if it really clicks the right spots. -
I recently solved a ticket: 'make buttons on mobile more mobile-like'
...
stupid customer? no, it was stupid me :p -
So 90% of the Tech Support team is off today. So I decided to jump in to help the guys out:
Me: *solves issue
(one less ticket to solve)
Reporter: "thank you for your help!"
(re-opens the ticket)
Me: *recloses the ticket
Reporter: "thanks again"
(Reopens ticket)
Me: smashes head into desk
How am I supposed to get tickets solved when most of the open tickets are "thank you's"! -
I got tired of the tedium of navigating dropdowns and required fields to open and close user stories, so I wrote a script with the following syntax:
./ticket open TICKET TITLE GOES HERE
./ticket close <TICKET #>3 -
BOOM HOTFIX !!
Finally fixed the issues that nobody could fix, went trough 4 different senior developers, finally done it..
Now what am I going to do with the 2h i have left on the planning for that ticket.1 -
When the product designer ask me to move my bug fix Jira ticket back because there's a style change.
-
When you think everything is fine and you can enjoy your holiday, but then your boss opens a ticket that customers lose money someone buys their product.
Fuck payment gateways for sending a formatted string instead of a unified integer1 -
Nice way to start devops work today:
(from ticket comments, seems someone did not minitor disk space usage :D)
-
I have come to an interesting realization. I am nothing more than an abstraction layer around Jira.1
-
Boss opens ticket, describes a generic problem with something.
Boss posts another one 15 minutes later, saying "this happens with X [which is of same type], too".
Cycle repeats. -
Monday Morning...
Open up new client issue ticket...
“I want my site to appear on the first page of Google. I know only about 10% of our sales come from our site, but it’s importent that we appear professional.”
Well, start by proofing your ticket and the other 500 typos I found in the content you sent me, sir. -
Lodging a ticket in system A...
Citing the ticket number from A to access the password in system B...
Using the password from B to log into database C...
Then doing our work in C, in which all our DDL and DML permissions have been revoked. -
When uour manager asks you to change one of the company tools, and when you ask for the sourcecode answers "Sure, I'll open a ticket. In the meantime start working on it"
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Finally, a ticket with 6 story points got cleared from QA after 2 weeks. You can't describe that feeling I guess.3
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Would be nice to have a closed ticket status on jira that just says RTFM. Hell, even reading the error message would be a start. As would not trying to upload year-old data prepared for a different CRM platform.
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Did you ever think time estimations are hard? If so, did you ever try adding your actual taken time months after working on a ticket?8
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"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." by :- Corrie Ten Boom
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I am introducing the Thunderdome policy:
2 Tickets enter 1 Ticket leaves. (Aka 1 Ticket gets worked on the other one gets deleted.) -
If you give a mouse a cookie is all too real. Started sending out release notes to those who benefit from the changes and they're now asking for access to our ticket system 'just because'2
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Sitting here, reading a ticket and trying to figure out what problems the person is even having! (English is their first language, they're just no good at describing the problem)
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When you get tickets assigned to you, does it have all the requirements & acceptance criteria? I don't, and it's seriously difficult to know when you've finished a piece for work3
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Ticket: Thing not working!
Me: Hey customer I hear this thing isn't working. What happened when you tried to do thing?
Customer: I didn't try to do thing. What is this about?
-Me confused, oh wait someone else opened this ticket-
Me: Hey someone else, this ticket was opened. You opened the ticket. What isn't working exactly?
Someone Else: I don't know what you're asking...
Me:
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/RelievedC...
-ticket closed-
-reason: nobody wants to put enough effort into their emails today- -
I don't get it, why the fuck are you cc'ing me in all the support ticket you are done/close. The ticket has nothing to do with my work. Fuck you cunt.4
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The best: when systems writes a snide comment on a ticket, then close said ticket to prevent you from replying! Touché douche', touché!
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What's the best comment you stumbled upon?
mine was,
/*Dec 31, 2007: Fixed issue on ticket 310397. Happy New Year!!!*/1 -
My dev manager just bought me a ticket for the jsconf.eu in Berlin! And he went for 25% Diversity Support Ticket all by himself! Awesome! http://2017.jsconf.eu/
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I have a non-dev colleague that created a report in our pseudo-self service viz tool. Shortly after creating and forwarding said report, he submits a ticket stating "the data, in the db is wrong. Every time I run my report, the sum (of a numeric column) is five time more than (and here is the funny part) when I run the SQL in developer!" My response, after reading this ticket: "it is the same data, from the same db, and the same tables! CHECK YOUR JOINS!!!!" His response: " found the issue. My bad! The report used outer joins vs' inner joins." Then he resolved the ticket!
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One QA guy ... I solved one ticket out of two. He doesn't want to pass it because the other one is still unfixed.
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"Hey, can you check this ticket, and fix a bug on a Drupal module written 2 years ago, making you rewrite almost everything, please ? You have 30mn"
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When IT/project management is like some ideology that works out on the paper but everyone is too stupid to implement it properly.
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I have a lot of meetings and that makes it difficult to answer my workphone. One guy has been calling me every single time I have a meeting and he never answers when I try to call back.
He can contact me through email, ticketing system or Teams, but nope, he keeps calling my phone.
I send him a message through Teams asking if he can tell what the issue is.
He tells me he will just call me via phone.. Why?! Even calling through Teams would be better! Just tell me what the issue is! -
SSH doesn't wanna work for some odd reason. It'll work on putty but it won't work on my phone :/ I have no idea about SSH so maybe y'all could help me?...I already submitted a report ticket to my hosting service on the matter but they haven't yet gotten back to me.
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*New defect*
Designs are confusing and use bad practises. Multiple buttons achieving the same task. The dev team, the BA's, PM's can't understand the current flow.
*Defect closed*
"Design happy with current implementation" -
when you don't know how to front end css and you get help from your tech leads and now you have to sit through the slow nitpicking of various dogshit mismatched overhangs and pixel jiggling that already exist in your product and may or may not be related to your ticket
well at least at the end of the call they helped you fix the shit for your ticket4 -
When a client reports a vague bug with a screenshot (pasted into a Word doc, mind you) that almost explains it and the ticket attaches an Outlook message for more context, which has the same Word doc attached and no extra information...
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That moment you're helping out a colleague with his ticket and stuff isn't working and you ask him.
Hey you do reset your cache right?
On which he replies yes of course I do.
10 minutes later you finally walk over to him and you see his browser open without Dev tools......... -
I recieved a ticket.. spent a couple of hours on it... decided that the controller method needs to be completely refactored... so I just assigned it to a junior dev saying I do think have time for this.
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few days ago: I assign ticket to new programmer
today: receive message "Hi, quick question: I have the task pretty much done. The only thing I am stuck on is {insert one line summary of task}. Is there an example file where this was done before? Or do you have any thoughts on this?"
ticket system: "{tags me} This is mostly done. just need help {insert one line summary of task}."1 -
So... Three of us have the task to do security reviews for one team... As to who reviews what, we decided on the basic algo of assigning an index to our names and then doing (ticket number) % 3 to get the index and therefore the reviewer for that task... Simple enough, but still you need to modulo the number and remember your index so I created a simple .html file so we can easily see who reviews which ticket by inputting the ticket number... In a hurry I named it whoreview.html
Today, the manager saw it and said to rename it before HR gets involved :D -
Supportportal is offline.
Boss tries 5 mins to create a ticket, that Supportportal is not reachable.
Mysterious,that that does not work.
Writes a colleague, that he should open a ticket for him. 🤦♀️1 -
!rant
Any thoughts on what i should revise for a first time interview as a Android dev for a ticket selling company :/ -
How many times can I mark a ticket asa 'requires external feedback', before it becomes obvious I don't know what the user wants?
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I hate "giving away" my tickets. It's easier when it's involving something I just don't have access to, but really, really hard to escalate a ticket that I feel like I should know better how to work.
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Had a customer, for whom we were preparing app for some kind of prize game (you scan a QR code and get a lottery ticket) wanted to name the app "Prize game <name of the client>"...
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that time I finished an urgent ticket, without a keyboard, just by clicking on something on a big screen; stress, think too much and sleep little, is a bad combination
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Why, yes, please pull me off this ticket *again* so I can be less productive on something I don't know about and you can be annoyed that what I was working on is not finished.
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When the company you just started working with is using a Perl based ticket system which is missing most of the functions they want you to implement but won't replace the system so you gotta learn how to Perl...1
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5pm and finally getting to this support ticket, only to find someone else took the ticket. Ah yeah! Going out on a high note!1
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Today, my boss comes up to me to tell me that the CR he had me set up was not created by the release manager because there wasn't a QA test ticket or DBA review ticket. Look, if you're gonna shoot shit down without any bullets loaded, at least have the safety off because you had 3 hours on Friday to tell me that before leaving it to Monday morning when my head is hotter than the roast I'm sippin' on.
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Last day, Alot of stuff horrified me with this client.
The worst was probably:
Had to send an email to open a ticket, you can't just create the ticket...
No knowledge at all of git: they were opening a repo test for every repos... (`repo.git` and `repo-test.git`, you know to do 'like a branch')
AAaaaah Only 1 hours.
At least my other client doesn't do shit like that :D -
Received a random complimentary ticket to a tech conference because the marketer said she found my github contribution "impact the open source community direct or indirectly"
Well thank you but they are mostly just school assignments you know...1 -
That feeling when you'r handed a ticket, that has already been worked on by someone else. Read all the back and forth between him and the client (all in good manners and intention) but understood nothing...
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I think I hate Kerberos enabled services as a first impression.
Fucking ticket fucking motherfucker1 -
Hey guys! I have 2 tickets for sale to Web Summit November 5th-8th in Lisbon! For you only for half price! If you are interested live your email or telegram in the comments below.1
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Opened a JIRA ticket on my list, check the comments, a bunch of comments, two of which contain the whole email body of an email that contain whole skype conversations (starting with "hi")... Ffs, I don't need to know how you greeted a person who you asked for info on the ticket and I don't need to know that that was sent to you via email and to that person via skype... Just.. ugh
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I know this isn't "rant" but I just got myself a Web Summit ticket and I couldn't be more hyped about it!
Any ranters going to attend this year? -
Just had one of the problem users honest to God submit a support ticket written completely in Comic Sans. She also neglected to attach the file she was asking for help with2
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https://reactiveconf.com/
who's going?
I will start a new job in October and my new boss already gave a ticket for this event.
I hope I will get my devRant stickers before the event ;) -
6pm Friday , opening a trouble ticket on a citrix server because an app has the wrong link ie.
The support that you answers:
Ie on your computer ? On the server ?
Nope, on the laptop of my little sister.... -
I'm having colds since last night and a headache. But still need to deploy and check the ticket. Advanced Merry Christmas everyone. Please stay alive. We're not yet done.
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