What do you call a snake that’s exactly 3.14 feet long?

A πthon

Who will try it? :-D

customer who didn't paid for 3 months: why is our server down?

me: server?. what server?.

Microsoft support: "Your antivirus software is causing problems with the memory management."

Me: "I use Windows defender"

Microsoft support: "Oh..."

Me: 🙃

How programmers comment their code

schrodinger's backup

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

Tinder experience so far

Girl: "hey, what do you do?"

Me: "im a programmer"

Girl:

Me: "and you?"

Girl:

Me: "... hello?"

*Suddenly unmatch*

When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

*Client calles me at 7Am*

Client: why did you make everything smaller on my website ?

Me: look at the right side of your URL bar, do you see a minus sign ?

Client: yah, so ?

Me: click on it and set it back to default.

Client: oh ok this is working for me now, will this fix apply globally across the internet

Me: ...

Client: oh I think I asked a stupid question, thanks mate have a good day.

Me: you're welcome...

pshht 🤫😄

*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".

Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".

All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life

This is my motivation.

when your janitor knows his audience

(In science class)

Teacher: What are clouds made of?

Me: Servers, preferably Linux.

Teacher: ?

Client: Hey, you're the IT guy right?
Me: Hey, how can I help?
Client: Yeah for some reason I've lost power to my computer
Me: *Checks power, all computers are down due to a power cut*
Me: You'll have to contact your power supplier as you've lost power to all computers and lights.
Client: What, but the computers are not working right? - that's you're job not mine
Me: That's not how it works.
Client: Fix this or I'll bill you for the loss of money we've encountered during this and report this to your boss.
Me: How about I bill you for my time and advice and inform by boss that you tried to blame me for a power cut.
Client: You can try.
Me: *walks off and puts time in the ticket, requests purchasing to send an invoice*

2 Days later:
The client does not pay the invoice.
Me: (phone call) Hi, an invoice has been sent to you and we haven't received payment yet.
Client: were not paying that, you broke our power and made our computers break
Me: null

Just want to recommend the DevRant stress ball. I wasn't quite sure how to use it (it doesn't come with instructions) but since stuffing mine down the PM's throat my stress level has reduced dramatically.

Man, that's a pretty serious SQL warning..

So, this random teen on subway asked me if it was 9GAG I was scrolling [i was on this app ofc]. I said it's better than 9GAG.
He went on like this "oh cool, does it have the the NSFW section too?"
...
Me: a...No, but can learn coding stuff
Him: hacking?
Me: hacking is not what you thin... [He interrupted me]
Him: Damn cool, I wanna learn hacking, it's my stop nice meeting you tell me the name of the app
Me: a...9...ha...ck, 9hack!
Him: cool, thanks. [Gets off]

(Um...Some people just don't deserve DevRant, if you know what I mean)

One day when I was about 8 years old my friend and I were in the library. We decided we wanted to try to make a baseball website because we both likes baseball (this was around 1998). We picked up a book on HTML and my dad took it out for us. My dad was also a programmer so he said he would help us learn. We went home that afternoon and made a little website!

I knew right then that I really enjoyed programming and creating things with code, but I realized I wanted to be a programmer in middle school and high school. One of my friends and I started building Flash games. To see if people were playing them, I added in a call to each game that hit a PHP script on our server. I'll never forget the days/weeks that one of our most popular games caused our sever to get hammered and our shared host said they were going to boot us.

It was an awesome feeling knowing people were enjoying these games that we worked really hard on, and that's one of the main reasons I always wanted to be coding/creating things that people enjoy using.