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>Building advertising platform
>Life is good
>Fire up the dev server and open in browser
>No assets
>What the fuck
>Check code and config for like an hour it's all good
>What the fuck
>Try incognito browser, it works.
>What the fuck
>Oh yeah. Adblock. Fuck.4 -
How do mobile sites know when I'm about to tap a link, and then load something and shift everything so that I tap the wrong link?9
-
Boss: I need to know how much resources a server would need to serve 20000 users at the same time
Me: Sure, can I see the webapp?
B: There's not one yet
M: Ok, can I see its documentation then?
B: There is none
M: But ot depends on the programming language, libraries used, what kin-
B: It's an e-commerce. Try browsing Amazon and see how much they nees to handle the page requests.
Me: *still processing* wh-
Boss: I have to give an estimate to a client within 30 minutes. Hurry.
So.... Uh... I guess i have to hack Amazon now?11 -
After it was revealed that the Equifax hack was even bigger yet again, the US government said something that really made me say/think something in the trend of "WHAT the actual FUCK?!"
"This data is in the hands of cyber criminals anyways".
You run the biggest mass surveillance program in the world, sucking up more than a million terabytes every hour, then at least could you PRETEND to care/take interest when the personal data of about all your citizens appears on the Internet?!
Fucking hell.12 -
FOR FUCK SAKE ANDROID STUDIO!!! 5GB RAM WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! I NEED THOSE VMs RUNNING AND USING 5GB IS NOT COOL AT ALL!!
72 -
*on the phone with a client*
Important detail: in Dutch we call a colon a "double point" and a semicolon a "point comma".
Me: go to {url} and put double point followed by {something} behind it.
Client: *tries for 5 minutes, suggestions forth and back*
Me: how did you type the double points?
Client: I typed two points. (..)
The level of retardness I thought existed got worse once again.
At that moment the open window seemed like a veeery good option 😭15 -
So a group of 'researchers' (you'll get later why I call them 'researchers') conducted research to find the most secure browser.
Their result is Google Chrome!
Few minor details:
- THE WHOLE FUCKING RESEARCH THINGY WAS (mostly?) SPONSORED BY GOOGLE.
- THEY COMPARED IT MOSTLY TO INTERNET FUCKING EXPLORER AND EDGE.
Are they fucking retarded or something?! Yeah if it's going to go like that, Google Chrome will certainly become the winner/number 1.
Mother of fucking god.81 -
On August 14th, one year ago, I registered my devRant account. And now I've got 37k+ reputation.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?23 -
Me when I look through my old projects: Man, what the fuck was I thinking.
Me when I look through my new and current projects:
Man, what the fuck am I thinking.2 -
Who in the name of all crack-smoking, fire hook lobotomized, monkey cock sucking idiot clients would pay even half that much for a motherfucking accordion? And it's a SINGLE LICENSE to top it off!
"Whaaat? An accordion for only 56 bucks that I may only use on one of my bloated butt-ugly sites? How splendid!"
Oh, noes, quick, it's even cheaper today, so maybe you don't have to sell both your kidneys and cornee to buy something you can quite literally hack together IN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES! And you wouldn't even need to do that in order to save your organs, because you can get an assload of accordions in all sizes, colors, orientations and ugliness factors – excuse the alliteration – for fucking free on the web!
Motherfucker! It's people like these that make front-end developer look bad and greedy. Even 10$ for a fucking accordion, however customizable, would be fucking outrageously expensive.
FUCKING HELL, I'm so pissed off about this silly, brazen, stupid greed, I'd like to visit them at their office with a chainsaw, a lighter and a few gallons of gasoline right now.
Only people who who actually buy this fucking shit are still worse.
24 -
You have a presentation due in next 5 minutes?
Windows:- Okay, you know what? Fuck it. Let's update the PC.20 -
TL;DR today’s not my day. Anyone know how to clean a metal PC encasing from blood?
> comes home
> tired as fuck
> turns on computer, eager to play The Talos Principle, which I bought yesterday during the steam sale
*BLEEEP, no keyboard detected!*
> lolwut.gif
> reaches out to computer
> note: backside of computer is very hard to reach
> sees keyboard cable just hanging there
“Mom, did you do something with the computer today?”
Mom: “yes, I wanted to look something up but the internet was slow. I decided to pull out cables from the computer and after I unplugged the first cable (the one for the keyboard), the internet suddenly was faster”
> rage building up inside
> bends laws of physics, holds the computer in a place where I can reach the damn ports but cannot actually see them
> doesn’t know exactly where the plug is
> grabs small flashlight
> has to hold the cable with one hand and hold the computer kn position with the other, puts flashlight in mouth
> dusty as fuck, tastes like grandma’s feet
> cringe.jpg
> repositions feet
> smashes foot against desk
> chaos is unleashed upon my desk items, cables glide through the air, monitor flips over
> screen is rescued by the heroic devrant stress ball that rolled into place during the mayhem on my desk
> foot hurts like an anus which is being dilated with a street sign
> ohfuck.tif
> searches backside of computer for that damn port
> cuts hand on a sharp metal edge
> hand immediately starts to bleed
> blood spills on metal encasing
> dammit.ogg
> puts computer back into place, go to bathroom to patch up wound
> bends laws of physics again, continues to search for that devilish port again
> found it!
> plug the damn thing in
> hooray.mp3
> put monitor back into position
> keyboard still not working
> perhaps a restart might help
> Bill Gates joins the server
> Bill Gates uses the Windows Update ability
> headshot.png18 -
Student walks into tutoring center halfway through the semester for a computer science appointment and their first question is "How do I declare an int?"
Me: 😐8 -
So I started up Android Studio for the first time...
...
...
...
...
...
Yeah I'm not gonna do that ever again5 -
Co-worker Pranks #281: Write a program to capture keyboard input and instead output "fucking" after every "the" they type.
i.e. Can you push the fucking most recent commits
Do you want the fucking paperwork today, bossman
I can't do that today, the fucking coffee machine is not working8 -
This is Facebook Messenger. And thats a fuckin Advert. Fuckin adverts in my fuckin inbox. For fuck me's sake, What the fuck
21 -
Friend: "Don't all computer science people learn multiple languages so they can use the right one for the job?"
My reply:
We learn multiple languages because some asshat before us had a hard-on for it and now we need to keep that shit running and we don't have time to rewrite it.6 -
So Facebook announced a New Feature which lets you upload nudes which get hashed and on a Blacklist so they can't be uploaded to facebook. And in Order to prevent abuse, a human Reviews the pictures. Genius idea23
-
Fuck the media. The average persons view of programming...
010100010100
010100001101
010111110101
101010101111
"So what does the code mean?"
😣10 -
I fried my laptop's lithium-ion battery by overheating it too much when gaming for 1.5 years now. Was only getting 20 minutes on a charge. Bought a replacement battery to install.
My laptop is full-body aluminum, and when removing the difficult-to-remove backplate, I sliced my thumb deeply on the razor-sharp internal edge of the backplate.
Hurt like hell. Took a while to get the bleeding to stop. I had to finish what I started, so I swore I'll be careful the rest of the time.
Yet somehow, my hand eventually slipped and I ended up slicing my OTHER thumb, on the exact same component! And the gash was even deeper and hurt even more! And took 3x as long to stop bleeding! I lost so much blood... 😫
Moral of the story: Be careful when dealing with full-body aluminum laptops. They're fucking evil and dangerous. Also, don't let your laptop reach temps above 82-85 degrees Celsius.
Thankfully, no tetanus from any of this. 😓
25 -
Just found out that the generic router that our ISP gave us, which we use at work, has a port you can telnet into to get shell access with root privileges.
12 -
Me: Great iOS app is only 20MB shouldn't take long to upload!
XCode laughed
AppLoader laughed
Apple laughed
I cried T_T7 -
Following a conversation with a fellow devRanter this came to my mind ago, happened a year or two ago I think.
Was searching for an online note taking app which also provided open source end to end encryption.
After searching for a while I found something that looked alright (do not remember the URL/site too badly). They used pretty good open source JS crypto libraries so it seemed very good!
Then I noticed that the site itself did NOT ran SSL (putting the https:// in front of the site name resulted in site not found or something similar).
Went to the Q/A section because that's really weird.
Saw the answer to that question:
"Since the notes are end to end encrypted client side anyways, we don't see the point in adding SSL. It's secure enough this way".
😵
I emailed them right away explaing that any party inbetween their server(s) and the browser could do anything with the request (includingt the cryptographic JS code) so they should start going onto SSL very very fast.
Too badly I never received a reply.
People, if you ever work with client side crypto, ALWAYS use SSL. Also with valid certs!
The NSA for example has this thing known as the 'Quantum Insert' attack which they can deploy worldwide which basically is an attack where they detect requests being made to servers and reply quickly with their own version of that code which is very probably backdoored.
This attack cannot be performed if you use SSL! (of course only if they don't have your private keys but lets assume that for now)
Luckily Fox-IT (formerly Dutch cyber security company) wrote a Snort (Intrustion Detection System) module for detecting this attack.
Anyways, Always use SSL if you do anything at all with crypto/sensitive data! Actually, always use it but at the very LEAST really do it when you process the mentioned above!37 -
And the award for the most ridiculous article in tech goes to...
http://m.thehindubusinessline.com/i...
This article is an interview of the CEO of one of the biggest companies in India
16 -
Business logic in the fricking database.
1000+ line SQL stored procedures.
What the actual fuck?! 👿10 -
I now know another person's password without even wanting to.
He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.
1234567890
I don't even know what to say.13 -
"I need you to teach me how to code, so people can't fool me around when they start to speak about apps"
-My boss6 -
Behold the power of unoptimazation;
Minecraft - 170+Mods - 7.4min boot
Skyrim - 200+Mods - 1.6Min boot
What. The ever loving fuck.24 -
Reinstalled my dedicated server and realized (afterwards) that I just erased my entire openvpn/mysql auth setup and I don't have an entirely working copy.
FUCK.
Okay, nothing I can do about that afterwards, setup csf right away, monitored the auth log for a minute and noticed one ip which had just connected and found it weird somehow. Blocked the ip.
Then, one second later, as my console stopped responding and that ip address suddenly looked veeeery familiar, I realized I just blocked myself. (the blocks persist across reboots)
😐
Went to the control panel and hit the reinstall button. Confirmed, and two seconds later I realized I could just have connected to any of my own fucking vpn services to unblock myself.
What in the living fuck is wrong with me @_@36 -
This fucker right here. Two pages under the same site return different session data:
Session cookie is the same.
The session file itself doesn't change.
Same machine is being used.
I don't change the session variables at any moment.
HOW?!10 -
Just added Kotlin plugin to my new android project and what do you know, CPU went to 100% of usage.
Aaand the winner is: Fucking Android Studio!
22 -
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!
FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!7 -
In my current work, I have two systems to work on (let's name em Systems A and B). Both basically do the same thing; both allow users to book facilities available to them.
System A is already in production. My job is to fix any bugs that come up on said system. System B is an improved version that they wanted me to develop. This would follow a different framework etc. I am already halfway through this system.
Now, here's the fucked up part. The code for system A is a massive clusterfuck. It has unused commented code dated back to ancient times where men had the brain of an ape.
And don't get me started on the fucking logic. One part of the code was to retrieve and display the timeslots available for a chosen facility. The code to do that alone takes up 500++ fucking lines, filled with ajax commands, html manipulation and commented, unused codes..AND THAT'S JUST THE FRONTEND!
The fucking backend was not a problem of smelly code anymore. Nope. It was like a programmer had code diarrhea and shat his backend code all over the project. If I had a pin board, I would have made a crazy wall just to understand what some fucknut was trying to achieve.
Anyway, my supervisor told me to fix some bugs on System A. Knowing how the code was, I told her that I could refactor the code. Since I've already achieved that function on System B, with a shorter and cleaner code, I could just copy that and use on System A. But nope. She SPECIFICALLY told me to just "do whatever to fix the bugs. I don't want to waste time on System A." Okay. Makes sense to me. Whatever. I didn't wanna fuck my head up looking through that mess of a cesspool. So, I came up with a few hacks, not thinking of clean code and fixed whatever bugs there was. I then just pushed to the repo (after testing of course).
This bloody morning, supervisor came in and gave me more bugs to fix. When I thought she was done, she said "Hey. I saw the fix you made to the system. The bugs are fixed but the retrieval of the timeslots is now pretty slow. Could you see what is the problem?"
Slow.. She said that it was slow. And asked if I could fix it. I already told her what the problem was and she did not want me to waste time on it. But she wants me to fix it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG IN HER BLOODY HEAD! I SWEAR TO GOD... UGHHHHH I swear I was already waterboarding her in my head. YOU WANT FAST?? How bout fucking allowing me to refactor the code?? Fucking shit head. I think I should take up yoga.1 -
Working in company where part of team is located in Austria and these morons write evrything in fucking german, method names, comments and even the parameters which are sent to fronted. Like it isn't enough they even use special characters like ß,ü,ä and ö everywhere13
-
Got a marketing email talking about the "No Code" revolution. They're talking to the wrong girl here.
16 -
Can you hack facebook?! (been asked this by classmates in CS class, multiple times by different people)
(Needs to quickly research something)
A = me
A: Can I borrow someones internet (hotspot)
B: Yeah sure, but it's only for facebook
A: -_- *sigh*
Can you pirate Windows/Word/Adobe thing for me? (asked gazilions of times even by family members, fuck off! Will you?)
A = me
B = my grandpa
*TV looses signal because fucking blizard outside*
B: A! Stop fucking with my TV, come and fix this!
A: What's the problem?
B: I can't find *some channel*.
A: B, there's a blizzard outside.
B: No it was you fucking with it.
A: *sigh* (proceeds to fix his crap, oh wait I can't) It's gonna be fixed tomorrow.
(I didn't even look at the TV more than 2 minutes monthly)
Guess what, it fucking works again.
Here's a different scenario:
B still can't access the channel because he's been fucking with the settings, again.
B: A! Come here, right now.
A: What is it this time!
B: You broke it, now fix it.
A: *silent uuuuggghhhhh*
B: Now!
A: *does a channel scan* *waits 30 minutes waiting for it* Done!
B: Don't fuck with my stuff ever again!
....so this is the kind of people I have to tolerate, every single day.
A = my dad (who knows a bit but not too much, you'll see, buisness guy 9000, does paperwork every day)
B = me or my brother
A: *comes raging at A's door, looks like he's gonna ground A* STOP PUTTING FUCKING GAMES ON THE FAMILY COMPUTER!
B: Why do you have a problem with games?
A: Cause I need to do *some important shit, probably that needs a basic spreadsheet software*
B: Can't you do it on the mac?
A: It doesn't have Word©®™!
B: But it does Libreoffice, right?
A: I can't. *he can, he's just being lazy with learning new stuff*
B: Can't you use my laptop?
A: It's Linux.
(fuck)
B: Can't you use my brothers laptop?
A: It's filled with games.
(he hates games with a burning fucking passion)
B: Fine, let me take a look at the computer.
(A uninstalled crap that took me multiple hours to install, but not only that he deleted some of my work)
B: *silent what the shit?!*
A: WHAT WAS THAT?!
B: nothing, phew.
(A also installed shadyware that some random coworker suggested him from a random ass ad, meanwhile I keep the PC's pure with known stable software (which are gone btw))
B: *Spends the whole day removing the fucking disgust that one program fucking caused (sometimes even the fucking registry, eww)*
A: I had to wait all day for this shit. Don't fuck with my the PC ever again!!!
Fucking hell am I just unlucky or what?13 -
Okay, so I was helping an elderly woman with her laptop + internet today (with payment). Problem: Laptop connects to WiFi, shows internet connection, but you couldn't even go to google.com.
The router wasn't the issue as my phone worked on the same WiFi. After a lot of troubleshooting steps, I noticed that Windows forced IPV6 for all WiFi connections for some reason. The router doesn't even support IPV6... So I disabled it and everything started working again.
WHY THE FUCK DID WINDOWS NOT TRY TO LOOKUP A IPV4 ADDRESS IF THE IPV6 FAILS? BOTH WERE ENABLED! WHO AT THE FUCKING WINDOWS 10 DEVELOPMENT TEAM THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?19 -
Tutorials on the Internet.
They say you have to enter a 12 Character long hexadecimal number.
AND THEN THEY PUT A "G" IN THERE?
WHAT? ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?5 -
Me : *writes a clean class to write logs into event viewer with different categories, and useful information for debug*
Boss: “I’m not a developer but I think that’s useless, just create a log table on a sql server and put everything there.”
I’m asking myself what keeps me here. What, the holy Christ’s butthole fuck, keeps me fucking glued to this chair.8 -
The superhuman feeling of going back to your code after a week and it all makes perfect sense, the variable names are intuitive, the doc strings are comprehensive, and the general codebase structure is sensible.2
-
The FCC Chairman is going ahead with his plan to repeal net neutrality despite objections from fellow commissioners, the CTO, more than a hundred members of Congress, senators and of course, the people.
What the fuck is wrong with this guy? How far up your own fucking ass does your head have to be to ignore basically everyone's vote against you? What the fuck. This guy is a really piece of fucking work. I hope this bounces back to bite him in the ass real hard.28 -
Assigned to a new project team..
Using git, in a creative way. So.. "master" is "dev" branch, usually. Everyone can push their branch to dev server .. so it's "dynamic for us". Production branch is whatever, as long as the branch has the release version. Sometimes, the release comes from "master".. that mean "dev" in normal geek..
That's just Git. The source code is a saturated spagetti of Entity framework and Caliburn. It is littered with antipatterns, especially basebean. Holy Christmas and Easter that baseclass do a lot of stuff that has no place as a base class ..
Fucking frameworks, I'm gonna start to evangelize frameworks as the no1 antipattern.
MS SQL as the main DB, but is dumped to json FILES through a scheduled task to increase read performance on web.
There is a soap endpoint to expose the json files, fml..
I am assuming I was placed here to improve stuff, I have never in my life seen anything like this before.
There is a special place in hell for this repository7 -
What is this, what the fuck is this shit?!!
Are you actually serious Google? Android Studio my ass...
The compat joke is a good one...
22 -
YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!
Are you fucking serious? How it is possible that you, being a fucking teacher in a PRIVATE UNI, AREN'T ABLE TO FUCKING DEPLOY A .NET CORE WEB PAGE EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING WROTE YOU A PDF, LINKED TO MS DOCUMENTATION AND EVEN WENT TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT?
You fucking prick, and now you argue to your superiors that we aren't doing our job as expected... seriously? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID SERIOUS?
I hope you choke on the turkey this christmas, you ignorant incompetent cheap slut... ha, you're not even cheap, because parents are paying THE SCHOOL to provide them with "supposed" better infrastructure, education than a public one, BUT YOU COME TO TELL ME I MUST CODE YOUR ANCIENT PAGE IN FUCKING ASPX WITH DOCUMENTATION DATED 4 YEARS AGO?
Yeez... seriously dude, level up or GTFO.14 -
I can easily telnet into my school's router with the default username and password. What the fuck. WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT SECURITY?!5
-
Don't you just love it when every client comes in with an "urgent request" at the same time and you, being the only person capable of doing it, has to do fucking everything because "the client is priority"?
Or how about when the guy who's supposed to be your PM doesn't actually know anything about development, doesn't listen to you and his management style is akin to forwarding emails and then replying with your response to them?
Oh, I almost forgot, that crazy important, difficult task you're ACTUALLY supposed to be doing? Yeah that still has to be done as well. Because time is a fucking sphere and you're a warlock so of course THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DON'T FUCKING MATTER DO THEY.
4 -
FUCK YES! Finally debugged!
After hours, I finally figured out what the fuck react means by binding function to use state!!! 🎉✨🎇🎆🎄8 -
FUCK YOU TUMBLR! I SPEND THE LAST 10 MINUTES UNCHECKING EVERY FUCKING THING AND YOU DON'T ALLOW ME TO TOUCH THE LAST ONE!?
Why is there no uncheck all- button 😤😭
24 -
Me currently listing to the dev team what the fuck is going wrong with their website after testing it
1 -
When someone says that Node.js cannot become enterprise standard like Java. Bitch what the fuck is Netflix, Yahoo, WalMart and PayPal using. Fuck you!23
-
"I'm an engineer, I know what I'm talking about"
Okay, then why the fuck did you ask me for help?!1 -
at a previous job at a shit company ran by bible-thumpers, i was rebuilding the company website for my a-hole boss. I asked him where I should get images from- if there was a stock photo site he preferred or what.
"Just pull them off Google. That's what I do."
Later when I was combing through the site, I saw he'd added images that CLEARLY STATE another COMPANY'S NAME in the image themselves. Nothing like promoting another company on your OWN company website, huh?
(And no, their company name is not ActiveMobi.)
They're still there, 3+ years later. Dumb ass.
2 -
class Fraction {
public double dValue;
int numerator;
int denom;
...
public UpdateDouble()
{
dValue = numerator/denom;
}
...
}1 -
!dev
So I've just been evicted, apparently the house I have a room in is being repossessed.
Now living in a tin hut in the middle of a field. Loving life, life loving me.7 -
What the fuck is this?
I'm so confused...
Where is the Netflix app? Is this real life?
Please help me.
22 -
What the actual fuck? Why is an app in the "Apps under 25MB" category 30MB large? What are you doing, Google!?10
-
So I had to implement something which I didn't know as a part of my internship. What do you think I did?
15 hours worth video lectures in two days :x3 -
Was just told by a guy in my class proudly, “yeah, I’m pretty good at typing. It comes in handy for when I code stuff in class.” Awesome, that’s cool. I ask what he’s doing in the class. “We learned Scratch last semester and now we’re starting Java.” -______-6
-
Fun drinking game: work on a legacy system for a few hours. Every time you say "what the fuck?" equals 1 shot.5
-
"We should probably fix that security issue, but the application already works, so it does not matter" - My boss2
-
My dear EU people... what the fuck is going on?!! Why is no one reporting about that?! fuck gdpr this is serious.
https://saveyourinternet.eu/21 -
FUCK YOU if your IDE IS TOO FUCKING BAD TO LOAD MY FUCKING 300 LINES C# PROJECT IN FIVE MINUTES WHAT THE FUCK2
-
dude@milotic:~$ vncpasswd
Password:
Verify:
Password too long - only the first 8 characters will be used
WHAT1 -
Fuck having to optimize newsletter for fucking outlook which uses Word engine to render html newsletters.. Microsoft, what the fuck bro?16
-
I have a developer job and being paid less than my uni classfellows who are in QA and support positions. Aren't developers supposed to be paid more?10
-
VB.net on the rise?? what the horse fuck is going on here?? ref: http://www.tiobe.com/tiobe-index/
19 -
Now that the Phone has a custom rom with root, with only a little issue with some split screen nonsense I'm finally ready to use my phone like a normal ph- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS? WHERE THE HELL ARE MY BLOBS? WHAT THE FUUCK!?
Good thing that I rooted with Magisk and I could flash the blobs https://forum.xda-developers.com/ap...
9 -
My relationship with instagram has always been complicated, but this new "slide 😍" thing in stories is just... Like, why?
Like, how much I've loved it? Well, you're shit outta luck when out of your 2k followers about 500 of them have seen your story and not one of them has slided that damn emoji...
Way to go to make people more depressed.
Also, this "seen" thing for video is also bullshit. No, I didn't see it, I scrolled past it. Happy?14 -
Today I was working on a laptop. I needed to uninstall a program because i had to install the newest version of it. That process usually takes 2 hours, but 3 hours passed and the uninstall was still at 35%. I went on the task manager to see if I could figure out what is running on the laptop, that's when I saw this.... This laptop has been on for 314 days. This cannot be a normal thing to do on a laptop specially when running Windows. Why do this?
8 -
What do you mean fatal error? The exact same code was working five minutes ago you fuck
Damnitdamnitdamnit2 -
I would like to work on internet explorer (only for a week) just to see what the fuck happens there.4
-
THICK-HEADED FUCKNUTS!
I have absolutely no idea as to why these would ever be password requirements, can someone please try to explain WHY THE FUCK
6 -
Why the fuck would you change what I've copied and then tell me what I've pasted is wrong what the fuck1
-
Before solving the bug -
[•] 2 Errors 1 Warning
------------------------------------------
After solving the bug -
[•] 1043 Errors 7 Warnings
Fuck the what the fuck? 😵1 -
!rant
Goodbye Java I will not miss you at all! I swear ...
I do like it when making web services (especially that I can use Java8) but for Android you have been a torture. Hello sweet Kotlin! I shall embrace you and treat you like my newly born baby!!
Story is:
Working on a new project where I need to talk to a web service (also made by me).
Started writing in Java, all is cool and unit tests pass.
Downloaded Android Studio 3 Beta 1 and converted my Java code to Kotlin, That AsyncTask did not look nice in kotlin, converted it to async & await feature and I must admit lots of code removed, no more need to create a new fucking AsyncTask every time the app sneezes for data!
I feel like I'm working with C# but with difference in syntax.
My life is now complete :)8 -
It's official, I don't remember jack about Windows anymore. I tried to install a Windows only emulator to try my hand at homebrew. And... this is the final result.
4 -
Phantom Code: Code that was written in dose state with very little knowledge what the hell fuck you were doing 😧😭
-
Writes code while drunk and/or high
Reads trough code the day after having only one feeling: what the fuck.5 -
Company has me giving interviews and today brought the second "Sr JavaScript Developer" that's gotten past multiple people that can't even construct a fucking "for" loop.
Get the fuck out of here... And those excuses at the end trying to explain your "industry experience" just annoy me further.
If I have to smile, thank, and shake another one of these fucktards hands, I'm gonna scream!11 -
What the literal fuck apple? YOU ADDED ANOTHER USELESS FORM OF DATA COMPRESSION??? NO ONE WILL EVER USE XIP!!5
-
I fucking hate design agencies and everything related to fucking design!
Today we received an email from design agency asking us to put two images next to each other so that they can compare and see which one fucking fit better!
What is the difference between these two images:
first one has 28points of text size while the other one has 26 points ...
one more reason to hate this fucked up world!4 -
what grinds my balls ? DATA INCONSISTENCIES!!! what the fuck did people think proliferating bad data futher into the abyss of existence!!!3
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Fuck Google , fuck Android and in particular fuck you PlayStore. What the fucking fuck. Wanted to dowload an App -> please free 120mb on the Phone. Did that. Proceeded to download the App. 2.02mb
How the fuck3 -
Got a new motherboard today, a Asus crosshair vi hero, AM4 for amd ryzen.
Bought is as broken / defective, it supposedly works except 2 ram slots should not get detected.
On a closer look, the story of water-damage didn't seem right.
Disassembled everything and took another look.
😲😨 "Is that solder tin? What the actual fuck?"
*Scratche it with tweezers
*"Supposed solder tin" becomes liquid and moves
😱 "The fuck that's liquid metal"
😵 Who the fuck sprinkles liquid metal all over a board?
😳Ryzen is solderd why the fuck should someone use liquid metal?
What the heck
16 -
At work they assigned me to another project.
Now I need to work with JS instead of Java.
Plot twist: I have 0 experience with JS and about the same amount of knowledge.
GL to me5 -
I fucked up on my grad school essay by sending them the PDF of my college-specific paragraphs. All of them, yes.
To correct said fuckup, I attached the actual essay, but with a college-specific paragraph meant for another school.
However, I imagine that they saw the wrong essay and then went to the paragraph list and saw the paragraph meant for them?
I MADE TWO DIFFERENT FUCKUPS THAT CANCELLED EACH OTHER OUT AND I GOT ACCEPTED.
????? PROFIT?????? -
Just got off the phone with a (no longer) prospective client. Dude claimed to have an amazing idea that's going to make millions of dollars. Says he got the idea from watching "Shark Tank". In other words, he stole someone else's idea.
Anyway, I listen to his pitch. He tells me to go to zoosk.com. The dating site. I don't say anything yet, wait for his offer, which is the best part. 25% equity. Twenty five percent. I get 25% of something that I'd build, based on a stolen idea. Not even stolen, really. Just fucking unoriginal. A dating site. Yep, the internet needs another one of those, alright.
Where the fuck do these fucking assholes come from1 -
Today is release day
Today is also the day we add couple of features for the release that will take a week to implement
Life is just won-fuck-erful -
Dear Users
USERNAME@example.com and username@example.com means same thing. What the fuck is wrong with you?5 -
MySQL Workbench allows you to create a data type of Boolean. This seems useful.
So, lets try it... oh, wait, it turns into TinyInt(0).
That can't be right. Let's try again.
Nope, it does it again. How odd.....
Lets try an alter table statement.
Oh, look, it's turned into TinyInt again.
So, boolean in MySQL is just a TinyInt(1).
WHY PUT THE FUCKING BOOLEAN TYPE IN THERE IF IT'S A FUCKING TINYINT(1)????
Thats almost as moronic as Oracle using VarChar2 rather than VarChar, as VarChar is RESERVED FOR A FUTURE PURPOSE??!?!?!?!
And THIS is why I maintain that MSSQL is by far the best scalable DB platform in the world, bar none!4 -
JSON.stringify()
It has the power to solve countless numbers of integration issues and has done what nobody else could ... tell me what the fuck the API returns -
Holy shit this is creepy.
So I just got back from a team event today from a location that was a few hours away and, while we were at the hotel there was a little cardboard box on our breakfast table with an ad on it. The slogan on the ad was “Bada book Bada boom” it was really dumb and I almost forgot about it, but just now I’m listening to pandora on a completely separate network, many hours away from the location and an ad comes on with the SAME SLOGAN for what I assume was the same company.
Now I’m just wondering how they managed to do that.... I really do not believe it was a coincidence considering I have never heard that ad on my pandora before....
This is fucking creepy1 -
What?! I mean what the fuck?! How it become sooo late? Why is devrant eating all my time? Fuck you devRant! I fuck you too!
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Fuck... I knew I forget something in the office....
But only realized what after I got back home...9 -
I have a LOT of Floppies but no floppy drive that works with my current Win7 machine, and my XP one is in multiple boxes for parts... so for now I can only stare at NetWare 4 to 4.2, WfW 3.11 and DOS 6-22.
Smart me made VMs on his XP machine and transferred them to his Win7 one.
I also have data tapes... now that is NEVER gonna work on my Win7 so... anyone knows how it could *possibly* work out?
Also... I got documentation on Compaq servers... those are nice.
AAAAAAND since I’m a huge MIDI nerd... I have a SC-55mkII hooked on the UM-ONE mkII and those shitty cans that I’m gonna switch (hopefully) soon for a nice pair of Cakewalks MA-15Ds.
Also, I’m looking for one of them 5150s because 80s IBM and since I also like keyboards... the one and only Model M.
Anyone can hook me up with a cheap one?1 -
I asked for 2 weeks of coding whereas I should have asked for 4 weeks just for coding.
What the fuck was the even thinking? Fuck -
When you get on devRant expecting to make yourself feel better with others' shittier lives as devs and instead see people posting jokes and happy stuff.1
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Why the fuck does the Win10 SDK require 2.7 gigs free BEFORE asking you what to exclude from the install?1
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fuck you office365, almost all fucking services. It is so fucking slow, takes ages to open 1 fucking email with only attachments. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!6
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Oh my god my iMac has been decompressing that bloody Xcode_8_beta.xip file for over 45 minutes, why the fuck it taking so long?2
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You know what sucks?
APIs with the latest data, but without the latest endpoints.
What the fuck? You did the data, why not the endpoint??1 -
Random variation of how we learn based off a colleague.
1. I dont know what the fuck to do, i dont know what the fuck is going on
2. I don't know what the fuck to do, i know whats going on
3. I know whats going on, i know what to do
4. I know what to do, i dont know what the fuck is going on
Haha, i love my job, the place where devs play solitair with their Trello cards2 -
sftp can't do puts without entering its interactive mode.
how does anybody get any work done ever what the fuck1 -
School decided to shut down their WiFi for "security" reasons (Everyone used a VPN and they were dumb fucks at networking, blocking sites like Google for having an invalid SSL certificate).
Now I'm forced to use my mobile data to keep using my Arch Linux laptop D:3 -
WP's `get_template_part()` - What the fuck? Really? I think it should have been called: `confusingIncludeWAT()`3
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Can't use Mock to stub this 3rd party API's connection class, so gotta revert to HTTPretty. Again. I don't like using libraries with 4-years-old issues and playing guessing games with response formats. Le sigh...
Can't tell what the % weights are of my ignorance vs actual broken lib that are contributing to the issue.
Error: BadStatusLine: '' (die in a 🔥) -
Am I only the one who finds the pen pineapple apple pen video lame and boring?
Don't get people who finds it catchy and viral.1 -
3 hours to understand that I needed an if for my code to work like it was supossed.
I need more coffee and sleep...
And just posted this rant as a comment to another rant. I am so fucked up. And the holidays just begun....2 -
Ayoooo, fuck you telstra you cock mongering assholes. What the fuck do we pay you for.
Seriously, a 20s DNS lookup time for azure services -.-2 -
Was the world always this shitty?
Was I too young to notice?
I mean... You can't even post anything on a forum without everyone going apeshit!!!
2 -
TLDR: Being taken of my assigned dev tasks to do a basic word mail merge.
Why am I doing a word mail merge again?
Oh yeah because the business are that used to oh well if it's more than two clicks IT will do it. The only bit that would be considered hard (using that word loosely) is the address block.
No totally not mad that you had me write a mail merge for dip shits guide which isn't being used. No totally not pissed that you now want me to drop everything I'm doing for this basic task.
The fucks can't even pull the right data. Here's the data for the mail merge. Great your missing some key bits. The fucking addresses and names of the people.
I think what's pissing me off the most is I'm not being technically challenged at all and any chance I get to do something that would be is taken away to do something basic you learn in school. -
Yeah ok. I went to bed extra early yesterday but i kept waking up at night and now i am tired anyways but thats ok. i have to go to work now but thats good. yeah this is great. now when the sun is up and i have to go to work, my body feels like it could sleep 10 hours straight but hey, i think this is just what i need right now before work.1
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When you're looking for the person that wrote over your changes by force pushing and you find out it was your CTO.1
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Fuck the organigram, I will do what I love to do, not what impresses people. Happiness over everything 👌🏻
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What the fuck is wrong with npm/react-native??!?😡😡
I completed a part of a project last week, worked well, then I cloned the repo today and It returns BUILD FAILED,
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU SATAN?!😡1 -
<ScrollView>
<SomeComponent/>
<AnotherComponent/>
<View
style={{
backgroundColor: ‘white’,
height: 20,
}}
/>
</ScrollView>
//what in the actual fuck??4 -
A customer of ours not to say names trains people for infosec certs upon investigating their website I noticed they don't have forward secrecy enabled.
Why? What? Even?
Turn it on you baddies.2 -
Now why the fuck is one DNS record (for the www prefix) working but the other isn't? WHAT THE FUCK???2
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Diskpart is buggy as heck. If it even starts, it sometimes crashes or breaks somehow. Plus, isn't it interesting how clean is instant, yet clean all freezes? Wtf. Then I ctrl c out and rerun Diskpart with the clean command. Completed successfully.. Instantly. But I can't create a partition because it's in the process of being cleaned. -.-
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*plugs in Sun Microsystems Type 6 keyboard*
Okay, several questions:
- Why is my Compose acting like Super?
- Why does Meta no longer exist?
- Why does Menu no longer exist?
- Why is Num Lock stuck on?
$ sudo dpkg-reconfigure keyboard-configuration
> Sun Microsystems Type 6
Thats better. -
Trying to debug my program but it only behaves correctly when I run it on debug mode not when I actually run the damn thing :/2
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What the fuck is a "pre test"? And why the fuck do you call it if there are no other tests after it? Get your shit together pm!!!!
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Why do we take tests on paper? No offense professor, but if all I have is a sheet of paper to program on I'm out of a job!2
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ok i'm fucking serious right now. the dumb rocket was going to (now is) the most powerful robot in space. then they had to delay, for HIGH WINDS? what the FUCK? a rocket that can carry 130,000 lbs CANT handle HIGH WINDS. what the fucking fuck fuck fuck. seriously how the fuck fuck fuck. fuck.3
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Yes, thanks you, IntelliJ, how did you know I wanted to set the fucking NODE_MODULES folder as my fucking KOTLIN SOURCES ROOT every time I hit Gradle refresh?
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Got up with a pretty bad hangover. The worst thing that could happen was GitHub getting acquired by Microsoft. Is this for real?2
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decimal discount = line.Discount - (line.StandardPrice - line.CustomerPrice);
2 fucking hours working out what and why the fuck this line of code. Fml -
Use a product that is not the greatest, but does its job fairly well in the human capital management market. Anyhow this POS can't communicate very well with Azure extended end points via rest. FML. Now I'm building workarounds and I know this bs is gonna bite me in the ass.
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Yesterday's was fucking stupid.
It all begins with a fucking online clothes shop that "cancelled" my order from a week ago because "PayPal detected strange account movements". I logged into my PP Account and no notice or whatsoever of that.
Then they tell me I'll have to wait around for ~30 days to get my money back. Are you fucking damn serious? First you delay my fucking order a week then you cancel it without contacting me to "reassure" I put the order and then you say that I'll have my money back on 30 days? Fuck you.
Thereafter, I was going to buy a new phone, which two weeks ago I already went to request a quotation and they told me I was ready to go with paying 50% off.
Well... fuck me, because I went yesterday and they told me that I couldn't get the phone becase "The system says you already have three lines with our company, and all of those have money due" What? Fucking shit, I went two weeks ago and everything was fine, and now this? I don't even have an account in that stupid company and now they tell me I have three with late payments?
FUCKING HELL!!
As if everything wasn't going bad already, I went off and said I'll come back today to see "if the system has been corrected", so I went to grab a burger at McDonalds that's on my way back home.
I make my order and the cashier is like "Hurr durr.. The card terminal doesn't work, do you have cash? If not, don't worry I can cancel the order and switch to the other station so i can charge you"
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I mean, come on dude! If you know that the shitty card terminal doesn't work and the station that it's fully functional it's literally three fucking steps next to you, WHY THE FUCKING FLYING FUCK ARE YOU USING THE WRONG ONE?
Then I wait for my order, that I saw they prepared and was ready like in 5 minutes, but the guy went and stood looking at the void. Then he realizes and begins to pick my food and set it up. He puts it on a tray and stands there, I stand there looking at him.
"My order was to go" I said... then he's like "Oh, yeah" and begins to pack.
Dude... the order is in the fucking screen, I said the cashier that It was to go... jesus.
Then I tell him "Can you put some sweet mustard packages?"
"Yeah" he says... but I looked away. When I arrived home, I opened the bag and... FUCKING HELL, NORMAL MUSTARD.
I told him twice, even said "please" and "thank you", but hell no, he had ONE JOB, and he didn't do it.
Seriously guys, stop this fucking mess, somebody call `kill` -
When you're agreed with prototyping sdlc then suddenly it became waterfall model.
"I'm thinking there's some lack of additional features that might be needed by our clie-"
"NO! CAN THE SOFTWARE WORK? WE NEED TO RELEASE TOMORROW "
"Yes it works ok deliver tomorrow"
Fucking cheesedick hobo here comes another deployment Friday that tops another nice fucking shit on your degenerative brain to come up with such a plan -
And there's coming new JIRA's design and questions around the openspace "WHAT THE FUCK HOW TO EDIT AN ISSUE"
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Okay so I calming down now. All is well. Great now I have iphostor syndrome! What will come tomorrow?! I can't wait... 26s till I can rant. now1
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