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This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.
I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.
I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.
The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.
They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.
Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.
I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.
Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.
Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.
I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.
I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.
And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?6
( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );
A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).
So I had a meeting with them.
First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
Well, imagine this:
- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)
- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical
- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent
- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS
- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)
- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.
- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?
After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.
Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.
Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.
I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.2
MFW the company that have a turnover around $100 million via their woocommerce site only does'nt want to upgrade from PHP5.4 because "it is too much work".
Well fuck you then3
Boss came in with new project:
boss shows me the design
me: it's a wordpress website ?
boss: client wants it with prestashop
me: but the brief is for an ecommerce website with 2 categories and a blog, wordpress with woocommerce and a blog should be enought
boss: no, client wants it with prestashop
oh I forgot, client wants it in a shared hosting server, where I can't add php extensions
started the project, fucked my weekend with anxiety and depression, and then products list came in ... 15 product
me: ok, I need to get the fuck out quick
I quit, I sleep at night, I smile with my kids ...2
I maintain two WooCommerce plugins on wordpress.org. Yesterday I had to update one plugin and let me tell you one thing.
The motherfucking piece of shit is slow and suck ass. My Dad uses git, WordPress why don't you move on. Please for god sack, Move to git.4
So I fucked up.. I assigned a small wordpress/woocommerce project to myself to avoid my team members from wasting their time on it. I had a two month deadline, which was insane, so I kept postponing it until I forgot about it. Today my client contacted me by email to ask if she could preview the site before our meeting in two weeks..
QUE BULLSHIT EXCUSE:
- “I had to migrate to another server because of some access/permission issues with my current host. They gave me their word that they would be done with the migration thursday or friday, then I have to correct some permissions and database settings, and the DNS update may take up to 24 hours to finish. I will personally make sure that you know as soon as the migration has finished.”
- “Thank you so much! I feel so safe having assigned your company the job! I am really looking forward to our meeting and seeing the site!”
Oh and did I mention that deadline was around 65 days ago? And that I haven’t even started yet? I know what I’ll be doing for the next 6 days..3
Sorry for my bad english.
So, I made an e-commerce site for a company once. It's actually just a WordPress site with that WooCommerce plugin.
After that, my dad was "advertising me (suggesting me?)" to one of his friend that I can make a website.
Then his friend called me and I asked what to do. In short, she has an online marketplace website where the users can be either a seller or a buyer (just an ordinary e-bay like site). Her site is built with PHP (codeigniter 2).
I can't make custom site that's why I'm using WordPress for my client, I'm still learning PHP right now. How do I tell my dad to not "overestimate" my ability to make sites. I already told my dad about my abilities and I'm still learning, but he keep saying that I should accept it because it will give you experiences.13
I had spent the last year working on a online store power by woocommerce with over 100k products from various suppliers. This online store utilized a custom API that would take the various formats that suppliers offer their inventory in and made them consistent. Now everything was going swimmingly initially, but then I began adding more and more products using a plug-in called WP all import. I reached around 100k products and the site would take up to an entire minute to load sometimes timing out. I got desperate so I installed several caching plugins, but to no avail this did not help me. The site was originally only supposed to take three to four months but ended up taking an entire year. Then, just yesterday I found out what went wrong and why this woocommerce website with all of these optimizations was still taking anywhere from 60 to 90 seconds to load, or just timing out entirely. I had initially thought that I needed a beefier server so I moved it to a high CPU digitalocean VM. While this did help a little bit, the site was still very slow and now I had very high CPU usage RAM usage and high disk IO. I was seriously stumped the Apache process was using a high amount of CPU and IO along with MYSQL as well. It wasn't until I started digging deeper into the database that I actually found out what the issue was. As I was loading the site I would run 'show process list' in the SQL terminal, I began to notice a very significant load time for one of the tables, so I went to go and check it out. What I did was I ran a select all query on that particular table just to see how full it was and SQL returned a error saying that I had exceeded the maximum packet size. So I was like okay what the fuck...
So I exited my SQL and re-entered it this time with a higher packet size. I ran a query that would count how many rows were in this particular table and the number came out to being in the millions. I was surprised, and what's worse is that this table belong to a plugin that I had attempted to use early in the development process to cache the site. The plugin was deactivated but apparently it had left PHP files within the wp content directory outside of the actual plugin directory, so it's still executing scripts even though the plugin itself was disabled. Basically every time I would change anything on the site, it would recache the whole thing, and it didn't delete any old records. So 100k+ products caching on saves with no garbage collection... You do the math, it's gonna be a heavy ass database. Not only that but it was serialized data, so when it did pull this metric shit ton of spaghetti from the database, PHP then had to deserialize it. Hence the high ass CPU load. I had caching enabled on the MySQL end of things so that ate the ram. I was really desperate to get this thing running.
Honest to God the main reason why this website took so long was because the load times made it miserable to work on. I just thought that the hardware that I had the site on was inadequate. I had initially started the development on a small Linux VM which apparently wasn't enough, which is why I moved it to digitalocean which also seemed to not be enough, so from there I moved to a dedicated server which still didn't seem to be enough. I was probably a few more 60-second wait times or timeouts from recommending a server cluster to my client who I know would not be willing to purchase it. The client who I promised this site to have completed in 3 months and has waited a year. Seriously, I would tell people the struggles that I would go through with this particular site and they would just tell me to just drop the site; just take the money, just take the loss. I refused to, this was really the only thing that was kicking my ass. I present myself as this high-and-mighty developer like I'm just really good at what I do but then I have this WordPress site that's just beating the shit out of me for a year. It was a very big learning experience and it was also very humbling as well, it made me realize that I really don't know as much as I think I might. It was evidence that there is still so much more to learn out there, I did learn a lot from that experience especially about optimizing websites the different types of methods to do that particular lonely on the server side and I'll be able to utilize this knowledge in the future.
I guess the moral of the story is, never really give up. Ultimately things might get so bad that you're running on hopes and dreams. Those experiences are generally the most humbling. Now I can finally present the site that I am basically a year late on to the client who will be so happy that I did not give up on the project entirely. I'll have experienced this feeling of pure euphoria, and help the small business significantly grow their revenue. Helping others is very fulfilling for me, even at my own expense.
Anyways, gonna stop ranting. Running out of characters. If you're still here... Ty for reading :')8
God I fucking hate WordPress
Today I found out a single WooCommerce site is using 20% of database CPU (for comparison, 50 other sites use only 10% between them). Upon investigation it turns out that WooCommerce loads every single product in order to do the taxonomy count. Because the data is stored as PHP-serialised values in post meta, there's no way to do a decent "SELECT count() ... GROUP BY ...". And that code came straight from the WordPress devs, no more and no less...8
Shit, again a long rant...
It all started 9 months ago.
We had a meeting with our group staff (5 people). Back the we discussed, if we should only work online or still send files around with mail.
Sure I suggested to run everything on a root server, would be the best performance/cost choice.
The president and the accounted refused, they said it's still working, why change. Payment will only be trough banktransfer and everybody keeps files local.
Back then I told them, that they will have sooner or later a problem. Files will be missing and bills not payd.
Last week we had a new meeting:
- Some of the group missed files.
- Some bills were unpaid
So now I have time until march to find and finish a groupware/collaboration tool.
I need to run member administration and payment online, this should be finished in October 2018. It should also do accounting.
Im really planing to use WooCommerce for this, I'm really crazy, I know! But I dont have time for that shit!
I work fulltime beside this and almost have no time to code something like that.
Well this week I demanded a memberlist, so I can plan a CRM database.
I received a word file as memberlist.
I asked them if this is a joke, right?!
They said no, thats the list. All the Data was mixed and some user details missing.
I HAD 3 HOURS TO GET IT DOWN IN EXCEL. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS??? I REALLY WANNA PUNCH YOU ALL IN YOUR FACE!
When I sended it, I didn't receive a response or thanks.
The joke, I'm doing this stuff for free. I volontered, to make something big...
Im really going to shit Lego Bricks next...
The company that I work for has recently recruited a team for Web Development, so they don't have to pay a monthly fee to the previous team who designed their website.
They have over 3000+ products in the old website, and no logical way to import them to the new website. The old team was asking for 300$ to give them an API which would return the product details in an XML format.
Obviously, paying that amount of money wasn't logical for a dying website, so the manager decided to hire someone to manually copy the content from the old admin panel to the new one, that is until I stopped him.
My solution? Write a simple web scraper to login to the old panel and collect data. Boom! 300$ saved from going to waste.
Now, the old team found about this and as much as my manager was happy, they were quite angry. So they implanted a Google reCaptcha to prevent my bot from scraping the old panel.
I spent about 20 minutes, and found out once you're logged in to the old panel, the session is saved in a cookie and you are no longer greeted by a Captcha.
So I re-written a small portion of my bot, and Boom! Instant karma from manager. We finished publishing the new site, and notified the old team, only to see the precious look on their face. Poor guy, he thought I was a wizard or something 😂😂
That's what you get for overcharging people!
TL;DR: Company's old website team wanted to overcharge us writing an API to fetch 3000+ records.
Written a basic web scraper to do the same job in less than an hour.3
Just spent 8 hours debugging an issue that had been sitting in my issue queue for a week. WooCommerce was claiming transactions were failing, but going through in the background anyway.
Can’t share any more specifics here, but the gist of it is that the server the code was developed on was set to PHP version 7.1, while the server the dev site was on was set to version 5.6 (which I didn’t even think was still installed, never mind the default...).
So yeah, fun times over a trivial fix.1
😔this weekend should be fun, I... I need to... well you see... I need to create a woocommerce site despite my better judgments and opinions on the subject.
God, if you are listening.. well reading, please have mercy on my soul.6
I've always thought that Wordpress is HOT CARBAGE for custom solutions. The opinion is influenced by devRant actually. And I'm really starting to see that after few of months working with it.
For context, it's a accommodation booking site with sub-theme that uses plugins such as Woocommerce Bookings. I didn't build it but I'm now developing and maintaining it.
The emails... I've tried to make them function properly. But no. Because we skip the fucking verification step to allow instant booking it just won't send them. I made yet another workaround and casted some spells. NOW IT SENDS THE EMAIL TWICE...
I'm done. It's good enough.3
WooCommerce is shit
Just try to find anything in the documentation on their retarded website and you will get what I am talking about.
A billion of unstructured links. With absolutely no sidebar or table of contents.
IMPOSSIBLE to find any fuck there.
It is far easier to build an e-store from scratch, than to customize their ugly monster.
Now look Laravel or PHPunit documentation to compare how it should be.
This project is gonna drive me insane. I'm moving a custom-scripted WordPress ecommerce site to WooCommerce. The basis of the source site was WooCommerce but with the advantages stripped away and with a LOT of hard coded stuff added to it to make it seem like a unique, custom ecommerce engine.
Now I have to strip all that away and standardize it back into the WooCommerce way so it's all easier to maintain.
It's like I've been handed a jigsaw puzzle of a bunch of clowns and now I need to take it apart and put it together again but make it look like George Washington instead.1
> be me
> watching FRIENDS
> lurking internet
> get a message from the manager, "we need to deliver WordPress + woocommerce + cost calculator theme to the client".
> "but I'm, not a WordPress developer"
> "okay, I'll just find a theme for it on ThemeForest"
> *sends theme as per description*
> *reverts back with HTML5 template* "see if we can use this"
> to be honest, that template was not even close as per requirement.
> *sends another themes back and forth*
tl;dr : she finalized the theme I intially sent after half of the day
shall i just kill my self slowly with fire?
Name a shittier API to hook into than Magento's REST API.
Protip: You can't.
[bit of context]
Building 3rd party integrations via their REST API and keep unearthing "WTF?!" architectural design moments. For example: Pulling down products tells you if it has a configurable parent (product to store all master options, etc)... but fuck me if I want to know what the sku of that parent is, or any other means of accessing it!
How the fuck M2 is such a major eCommerce platform is beyond me. WooCommerce in comparison however: Beautiful API, Beautiful documentation, a couple of limitations, no big deal. I love WooCommerce.
M2 makes me question why the hell I became a dev sometimes.2
Got frustrated with trying to shoehorn an overly-customized, spaghetti code WooCommerce implementation back into one that is easier to maintain via plugins. Got on my bike and rode north toward my old neighborhood until I started recognizing landmarks. Part of me wants to keep riding and never return.
Our owner's other company sells products online (or has the ability to anyways). Their current site is 7+ years old WordPress/Woocommerce and is seriously outdated because the site breaks if you update anything so we've been told to make a new site (finally). They also said they were going to release a whole new line up of products. So the first thing I tried to do was get them to nail down their product line and how shipping was going to be configured. I was told to just use the shipping from the previous site.
Turns out those shipping rates don't use any sort of math or automation at all, there is literally a manually set shipping value for every single product for every single shipping location (30*60) and even values for different quantities. And there's no way to export these rates into a readable table because the plugins they use shove all the data into the postmeta table, I'm forced to go through and put the data into a spreadsheet so that I can attempt to organize it and hopefully find someone way to automate it. Owner claims at one point that he has a similar spreadsheet that's more up to date but for some reason refuses to send it over or put me in touch with the right people in the shipping department.
I've gone through the shipping rates with the old products and the new products and organized them as best I can and each time I've gotten done and shown them the spreadsheet with their products and shipping, they add or change something which requires me to basically wipe the slate clean and start over eating another 50 or so hours of my time, which with everything else really means another month+ to find time to work on it between other projects.
After about a year they finished their products and I finally finished the planning and got approval to build it out for the site. Small victory!!
After about 60 hours plugging these values into the database (only about 1/3 done) I get an email from their head of shipping who tells me the values in my spreadsheet are "terribly inaccurate, in some areas by $100+" and that the data should not be used anywhere.
So after something like a year and a half and 200+ hours of work, the data I've been using to plan all this isn't even accurate. I'm trying not to go crazy here but this kind of shit is unacceptable. When we're done with this I'm going to send the owner an invoice to show him how much money he wasted on this because nothing was planned and he just wanted it built. There's a fucking process for a reason, when you don't follow the process you fuck everything up. If a client had pulled this shit and turned their simple site into this much work they would have been dropped. I get constant emails asking when the new site will be done and every time my answer is "I'm still waiting for x items that I asked for last time you asked where we were." He gets a couple things on the list and sends them back and then goes unresponsive for weeks at a time.
Management has been telling me that I seem more stressed lately but only one of them understands what's going on here when I explain it. The rest say stupid shit like "why don't you automate it" or "make an intern do it." You won't let me hire an intern and even if I did, I'm not sure I could explain how the shipping works now to even trust someone else to do it. I'm hoping when the shipping guy gives me the new sheet that maybe there's some easier solution here because I'm ready to start shooting people.2
The customer wants to migrate his old store into WooCommerce. Here's a MySQL dump with 130 tables and no documentation on how they're related.
You also have to scrape all of the couple thousand product images off their site because they don't want their old dev knowing, so you can't just have FTP access...1
Fuck you WooCommerce and fuck you shopify, also a big fuck you to every developer who thinks it's a good idea to notify other customers about what another customer just bought in real time.
Guess fucking what. I don't fucking care what uncle deadinthehead just bought. Get fucking raped in a columbian prison and die to aids infested rain..2
Trying to create a custom woocommerce store theme, pretty sure I've become bald from all the hair pulling I've had to do over their shitty CSS class names. For example .woocomerce_Store--Front5
Looking for a credit card billing option another than PayPal.
Searched “React e commerce” and found
I’m more familiar with node.js, React toolset, but only never managed eshop beside Wordpress wooCommerce.
Have any one used it before? Pro or cons?Or any alternatives?
Really appreciate your opinion 🙏4
I’m now in my third try at attempting to set up reasonably priced shipping for a small volume ecommerce website. First it was UPS which charged more to ship than the product was worth, and ended up just dropping it off at USPS for local purchasers. Then it was USPS but apparently I chose the wrong WooCommerce plugin because it’s meant for high volume (but doesn’t say so in the description). Now I have to get the plugin maker to swap it to Stamps.com and I have to set up a whole new account there and no idea if it’ll even work. FML.
When making an ecommerce site, what platform do you guys use? WooCommerce, Magento, Shopify, ....
Or do you just start from scratch with a payment gateway such as stripe or icepay5
I will find the person who realized the category-management and the arrangement of items inside Woocommerce.
And when I'll find you, I'll make you change all the categories inside every single fu***n item.1
Hating WooCommerce at the moment. Have to update a private CC payment gateway plugin to do tokenization and subscriptions. The examples are pitching errors and deprecation notices, not all steps are being shown, and the example plugins aren’t providing any useful hints, either...
Last thing I need to deliver before Christmas; looking to be a long night...4
Because you maintain a WooCommerce payment gateway plugin, a user contacts you to ask if it can do something that seriously extends the basic checkout functionality.
An e-mail conversation ensues to clarify the nature of the request and see if it is even remotely in scope for the plugin (it isn't).
Final e-mail from the user ends with, "It really isn't all that hard. I think you can probably knock it out in a day or two. ;)"
After an hour of head banging trying to get products filtered from woocommerce api, I get to know that filters do not exist anymore. Why would they remove something so important in a newer api version?
Anybody aware of alternatives?1
Thinking on selling products online. In the long run, Would you rather use wordpress+woocommerce or develop the whole thing from the ground up?2
Co-worker with 20 years of "computer" experience, and another that's a graphic designer who has never used Illustrator make suggestions to the owner about what's best for the site... claims the problems he is having with Pricing wouldn't happen if he wasn't using WooCommerce, because "it's really only good for small sites, not sites with 3000 items or more..."
I died a little inside from laughing, as the problems are coming from a custom plugin created by his dev!
I've a new request from a client wanting a drop shipping system with WordPress and WooCommerce. He also wants a merchandise management system.
I never did this and am unsure how to build it, what fuck to expect or even what to charge.
Please send help! 🥺😱😰6
How can I change a price display in WooCommerce as I have already seen several tutorials and I am following one of the article WooCommerce price display (https://cloudways.com/blog/...) to implement it step by step but still having an issues in changing price on Shop page2
So i wrote complex, great WP framework using parts of nette, latte template engin, shit tons of my code, has many usefull features. Is fast, puting barier between me and WP shit. You have no idea how fast my development is now.
Now, i writing eshop component, looking good, working great, is extendable, fast and so.
Reason 1: WP is piece of shit, woocommerce too, CMB has no fucking sense, fuck ACF and many other WP tools.
Reason 2: I'm too lazy to read.
Question: I spent months of coding, looking for ideas, and make tenths implemenations because:
1: WP is piece of shit, woocommerce too, CMB has no fucking sense, fuck ACF and many other WP tools.
2: I'm too lazy to read.
Please decide, i honestly don't know.1
On the one hand, I'm done with all of the major bugs in a piece we're getting ready to launch this month.
On the other hand, there's one lingering bug that only appears when I've got Query Monitor running, because WooCommerce throws a false positive "table does not exist" error, which it tries to backtrace through **39** layers of functions, eating all of the memory.
Turning off Query Monitor fixes this, but means I basically have to flip it off before the primary function of the software and flip it back on afterward.
Currently considering the best way to put off the WooCommerce activation for a point where there isn't so much going on...
I love the flexibility and power you get with Wordpress, WooCommerce and its entire plugin ecosystem...
BUT FUCK ME! PHP IS SHIT!!
It's like writing code by hand with pen and paper, putting it through an OCR and then compiling it. Sure, it might work if you're lucky and maybe even look cool, but good luck trying to develop a sulution with any sort of speed!3
Wrote some awesome methods in my application which writes products and their variations directly to SQL for a WooCommerce shop, avoiding uploading any images and constant handshakes for thousands of API calls for each product.
Been heavily criticised for it though as bad practice and to just use the API. I say fuck you, it's lightning fast and works well. Sure the API spec could change in a year but these methods will scale well.
Best way to troubleshoot a long ttfb on a wp woocommerce site? Yes I know wp and woo == boo. Still, a friend of mine has a shop and needs some help with it. Shared hosting, 6-7sec load for homepage, 4-5secs for product page6