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SkillsC++
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Locationmars
Joined devRant on 3/21/2017
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Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.
*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......
*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*
Well, okay then.14 -
Few months ago, I ate so many MBs (just 300+ GBs) in a month that my ISP blocked my connection and sent a worker to check if i was sharing my internet connection with neighbours etc. { They say UNLIMITED downloads when selling packages }
I was so pissed that after restoration I wrote autorun-on-startup powershell which keeps downloading a 100MB file forever just to eat bandwidth.
This month my downloads crossed a TB.
I feel like I've pissed in ISP's face just to show that if I'm not eating TBs every month, it doesn't mean i can't do it.14 -
Interviewer: Welcome, Mr X. Thanks for dropping by. We like to keep our interviews informal. And even though I have all the power here, and you are nothing but a cretin, let’s pretend we are going to have fun here.
Mr X: Sure, man, whatever.
I: Let’s start with the technical stuff, shall we? Do you know what a linked list is?
X: (Tells what it is).
I: Great. Can you tell me where linked lists are used?
X:: Sure. In interview questions.
I: What?
X: The only time linked lists come up is in interview questions.
I:: That’s not true. They have lots of real world applications. Like, like…. (fumbles)
X:: Like to implement memory allocation in operating systems. But you don’t sell operating systems, do you?
I:: Well… moving on. Do you know what the Big O notation is?
X: Sure. It’s another thing used only in interviews.
I: What?! Not true at all. What if you want to sort a billion records a minute, like Google has to?
X: But you are not Google, are you? You are hiring me to work with 5 year old PHP code, and most of the tasks will be hacking HTML/CSS. Why don’t you ask me something I will actually be doing?
I: (Getting a bit frustrated) Fine. How would you do FooBar in version X of PHP?
X: I would, er, Google that.
I: And how do you call library ABC in PHP?
X: Google?
I: (shocked) OMG. You mean you don’t remember all the 97 million PHP functions, and have to actually Google stuff? What if the Internet goes down?
X: Does it? We’re in the 1st world, aren’t we?
I: Tut, tut. Kids these days. Anyway,looking at your resume, we need at least 7 years of ReactJS. You don’t have that.
X: That’s great, because React came out last year.
I: Excuses, excuses. Let’s ask some lateral thinking questions. How would you go about finding how many piano tuners there are in San Francisco?
X: 37.
I: What?!
X: 37. I googled before coming here. Also Googled other puzzle questions. You can fit 7,895,345 balls in a Boeing 747. Manholes covers are round because that is the shape that won’t fall in. You ask the guard what the other guard would say. You then take the fox across the bridge first, and eat the chicken. As for how to move Mount Fuji, you tell it a sad story.
I: Ooooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy. Right, tell me a bit about yourself.
X: Everything is there in the resume.
I: I mean other than that. What sort of a person are you? What are your hobbies?
X: Japanese culture.
I: Interesting. What specifically?
X: Hentai.
I: What’s hentai?
X: It’s an televised art form.
I: Ok. Now, can you give me an example of a time when you were really challenged?
X: Well, just the other day, a few pennies from my pocket fell behind the sofa. Took me an hour to take them out. Boy was it challenging.
I: I meant technical challenge.
X: I once spent 10 hours installing Windows 10 on a Mac.
I: Why did you do that?
X: I had nothing better to do.
I: Why did you decide to apply to us?
X: The voices in my head told me.
I: What?
X: You advertised a job, so I applied.
I: And why do you want to change your job?
X: Money, baby!
I: (shocked)
X: I mean, I am looking for more lateral changes in a fast moving cloud connected social media agile web 2.0 company.
I: Great. That’s the answer we were looking for. What do you feel about constant overtime?
X: I don’t know. What do you feel about overtime pay?
I: What is your biggest weakness?
X: Kryptonite. Also, ice cream.
I: What are your salary expectations?
X: A million dollars a year, three months paid vacation on the beach, stock options, the lot. Failing that, whatever you have.
I: Great. Any questions for me?
X: No.
I: No? You are supposed to ask me a question, to impress me with your knowledge. I’ll ask you one. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
X: Doing your job, minus the stupid questions.
I: Get out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
All Credit to:
http://pythonforengineers.com/the-p...89 -
Not one feature.
All analytics systems in general.
Whether it's implementing some tracking script, or building a custom backend for it.
So called "growth hackers" will hate me for this, but I find the results from analytics tools absolutely useless.
I don't subscribe to this whole "data driven" way of doing things, because when you dig down, the data is almost always wrong.
We removed a table view in favor of a tile overview because the majority seemed to use it. Small detail: The tiles were default (bias!), and the table didn't render well on mobile, but when speaking to users they told us they actually liked the table better — we just had to fix it.
Nokia almost went under because of this. Their analytics tools showed them that people loved solid dependable feature phones and hated the slow as fuck smartphones with bad touchscreens — the reality was that people hated details about smartphones, but loved the concept.
Analytics are biased.
They tell dangerous lies.
Did you really have zero Android/Firefox users, or do those users use blocking extensions?
Did people really like page B, or was A's design better except for the incessant crashing?
If a feature increased signups, did you also look at churn? Did you just create a bait marketing campaign with a sudden peak which scares away loyal customers?
The opinions and feelings of users are not objective and easily classifiable, they're fuzzy and detailed with lots of asterisks.
Invite 10 random people to use your product in exchange for a gift coupon, and film them interacting & commenting on usability.
I promise you, those ten people will provide better data than your JS snippet can drag out of a million users.
This talk is pretty great, go watch it:
https://go.ted.com/CyNo6 -
Being paid to rewrite someone else's bad code is no joke.
I'll give the dev this, the use of gen 1,2,3 Pokemon for variable names and class names in beyond fantastic in terms of memory and childhood nostalgia. It would be even more fantastic if he spelt the names correctly, or used it to make a Pokemon game and NOT A FUCKING ACCOUNTANCY PROGRAM.
There's no correspondence in name according to type, or even number. Dev has just gone batshit, left zero comments, and now somehow Ryhorn is shitting out error codes because of errors existing in Charmeleon's asshole.
The things I do for money...24 -
Confession.
I am sorry.
I don't know if I am doing the right or the wrong thing.
I never shared devRant with people I know because of three things.
1. I don't want to infect this community with cancerous people.
2. I only have a few friends.
3. People I know have no interest in programming (still in college).16 -
Okay, this is a rather technical rant and I am sure some of you are working on the patches already, if you are then lets connect cause, I am an ardent researcher for the same as of now.
So here it goes:
As soon as kernel page table isolation(KPTI) bug will be out of embargo, Whatsapp and FB will be flooded with over-night kernel "shikhuritee" experts who will share shitty advices non-stop.
1. The bug under embargo is a side channel attack, which exploits the fact that Intel chips come with speculative execution without proper isolation between user pages and kernel pages. Therefore, with careful scheduling and timing attack will reveal some information from kernel pages, while the code is running in user mode.
In easy terms, if you have a VPS, another person with VPS on same physical server may read memory being used by your VPS, which will result in unwanted data leakage. To make the matter worse, a malicious JS from innocent looking webpage might be (might be, because JS does not provide language constructs for such fine grained control; atleast none that I know as of now) able to read kernel pages, and pawn you real hard, real bad.
2. The bug comes from too much reliance on Tomasulo's algorithm for out-of-order instruction scheduling. It is not yet clear whether the bug can be fixed with a microcode update (and if not, Intel has to fix this in silicon itself). As far as I can dig, there is nothing that hints that this bug is fixable in microcode, which makes the matter much worse. Also according to my understanding a microcode update will be too trivial to fix this kind of a hardware bug.
3. A software-only remedy is possible, and that is being implemented by all major OSs (including our lovely Linux) in kernel space. The patch forces Translation Lookaside Buffer to flush if a context switch happens during a syscall (this is what I understand as of now). The benchmarks are suggesting that slowdown will be somewhere between 5%(best case)-30%(worst case).
4. Regarding point 3, syscalls don't matter much. Only thing that matters is how many times syscalls are called. For example, if you are using read() or write() on 8MB buffers, you won't have too much slowdown; but if you are calling same syscalls once per byte, a heavy performance penalty is guaranteed. All processes are which are I/O heavy are going to suffer (hostings and databases are two common examples).
5. The patch can be disabled in Linux by passing argument to kernel during boot; however it is not advised for pretty much obvious reasons.
6. For gamers: this is not going to affect games (because those are not I/O heavy)
Meltdown: "Meltdown" targeted on desktop chips can read kernel memory from L1D cache, Intel is only affected with this variant. Works on only Intel.
Spectre: Spectre is a hardware vulnerability with implementations of branch prediction that affects modern microprocessors with speculative execution, by allowing malicious processes access to the contents of other programs mapped memory. Works on all chips including Intel/ARM/AMD.
For updates refer the kernel tree: https://git.kernel.org/…/ke…/...
For further details and more chit-chats refer: https://lwn.net/SubscriberLink/...
~Cheers~
(Originally written by Adhokshaj Mishra, edited by me. )23 -
"I don't care if the government spies on me, I have nothing (criminal) to hide."
Uhm... but... if you have nothing criminal to hide.... then why'd they have to spy on you/collect your data...?
After all you didn't do anything illegal...58 -
HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate - I was in jail.
HR - Why?
Candidate:- I killed the guy who told me : "We'll call you back".
HR :- Welcome on board, You have the Job.6 -
Just a joke I found online:
One day I was facing some issue with Outlook and I raised a ticket to get it resolved. I got a call from the Service Desk lady after some time and it went this way:
Lady: Hi I'm calling from service desk, what is the problem?
Me: (I explained the problem).
Lady: Can you please share your screen and give me the control so that I can solve the issue?
Me: (I shared the screen and gave the control. She solved it!!)
Lady: You may close the ticket from your end, the issue is solved.
Me: Thank you very much, I will close the ticket.
I opened her profile in lync and had a look at her profile. The display pic looked small in size. I instantly messaged her Employee ID to my colleague and asked him to have a look at her. He replied "She looks good in some angles".
I tried searching her FB profile with the help of her name, but there were too many results.
I started searching on Linked In instead, I found her profile this time. I was trying to enlarge the profile pic and suddenly a message popped up - it says
"I'll share my better picture with you on your outlook ID but you may please stop sharing your screen??"
😂8 -
Hello devRanters! A little while ago some ranters and I who are all passionate about FOSS/Linux decided to get together in a chatroom. Slowly more people are coming in but just wanted to post this in case any foss/linux liking people would like to join! I am not even sure if this is allowed on devRant (posting something like this) so if not, my apologies and I will remove the rant!
Keep in mind that the chat exists for people who are very keen on FOSS/Linux/security/privacy so no offense but it probably isn't the best place for people who don't like/care about that stuff :).53 -
I got an F on my first Java assignment in high school. I decided to use a List to store stuff as opposed to his method of creating 8 variables and copy-pasting method calls to interact with them. Apparently he doesn't like students using concepts he hadn't taught yet.20