"Dad, where does the babies come from?"
"Well...err...um...do you have any other questions left?"
"What are you doing as a developer?"
🤔
"Ok...let's talk about babies..."

# Day 0:

Me: "Hey boss, I want to let you know that I need this kind of information from the customer for these features, otherwise I cannot finish the project's milestone in two weeks."

Boss: "OK, just continue as far as you can get. We have to get this finished."

Me: "Well, I cannot go any further for these tickets. I need that input. Shall we leave them in todo?"

Boss: "OK."

# Day 7:

Boss: "Whe didn't you start on these tickets in todo?

Me: "As I have told you, I need some information."

Boss: "We gotta get this out of the door!"

Me: "Yes, if we want to meet the deadline, we should. Yet I cannot guess the feature. Also, let me create a column: `to clarify` and move that ticket there. As I have said: I need that information. You have to contact the customer about it and get their feedback.

Boss: "OK."

# Day 13:

Boss: "Why isn't this project finished? There are still tickets open."

Me: "You never provided the information I asked you about."

Boss: "I want an explanation not an excuses."

Me o_O: "This is the explanation. I was asking you on multiple occasions about the required feedback. You never provided it. See the columns name? It's called `to clarify`. We created it last time together. That clarification never happened even though I told you that I need it. I cannot do magic. I can only implement features, and while I can sometimes make intelligent guesses to their use cases, I rather implement their actual ones than my fictional ones.

Boss: "You should have told me."

Me: ಠ_ಠ

Is @trogus and @dfox ever coming to an EU event? Would really like to meet you guys 🙂

Business model...

Friend: So you're a programmer? You must be good in hacking WiFis and sht.
Me: Uhm..
Friend: Can you hack my PayPal account using HTML?
Me: Say no more.

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

Every "hacking" scene in every movie.

Where are you DenverCoder9???

Our school like:

School: hey everyone! Today we are learning java.

We: But we can Java and we already read the whole book

School: So ok! Let's do Java for 4 months!

We: What the... c'mon that makes no sense!

School: ...

We: ...

*After 4 months*

School: So class lets write a exam in java!

We: oh boy! this is nice!

School: Open your VM!

*Everyone started theyr VM and opened Eclipse*

School: Aaaaand now open NetBeans!

We: Holy Moly Crap! Really? why?

School: because...because...because...fuck off! we dont know...but it stands on the fucking exam so shut the fuck up u little crap!

Girl: I love guys who are rich.
Me: I paid for sublime and winrar.
Girl: Your place or mine??

Friend: I want to start competitive programming. What should I to ?
Me: You should know at least one programming language like C++ or java ...
Friend: No problem, I know HTML ....
Finally Me: Oh God save me..

Do you accept the EULA?

When your client is an asshole and asks you to just follow his instructions...

Java: I'm the complete OOP Language

C: I'm used in most of the places

Python: I am the simplest language that can do wonders...

Assembly level Language: At last you all have to come to me. So all of you STFU.

Legend says some are still trapped inside...

Google knows it all

"So what are your hobbies?"

Me: "programming"

"No i mean your real hobbies, besides the work you do"

Me: *awkward silence*

well that was insightful.

Well that was fun.

https://devrant.io/rants/694711/...

Go home candle. 🕯️
You are drunk. 🍺

Hello fellow ranters,
I created a poll to find out the distribution of used programming languages among us:
https://goo.gl/forms/...
I am curious, because obviously PHP is not very admired, and probably JS is the most used language around here. Lets see!
There is no information collected beside your answers. It would be awesome if you take this survey kind of seriously and do not add toooo many childish options ;)

You should have an insight into the answers after you participated. Maybe I will post some results after some time.

Oddly true

Started working with beacons..! New world of Iot.

We have new scrum master. First meeting together.

Project owner:
- I would give them time to wensday (2 days away) days to do migration
Manager:
- delivery is in Tuesday. can we have two teams to work on it so it will be done twice as fast?
Scrum Master:
- do you really think that if you get 9 women pregnant they would deliver you baby in a month?

Beware of the neighborhood hackers

So true

Just ordered my rubber duck. It'll be here in 2 to 3 business days...

Dear Apple.

Charging $99 for a one-year developer account is bullshit.

Best regards,
Me and every other tech-student on this planet.

Her: Why do you need 3 monitors??
Me: Why do you need 6 bags on the hanger, permanently, and 23 pairs of shoes?
Her: :/

Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??

Me: It's not that easy believe me.

Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?

Me: :/

Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...

Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.